Kidoumaru Does Konoha!
by Razell
Summary: Sequel to Stray Dogs. Kidoumaru's life in Konoha. Kidoumaru X Sakura, Kankurou X Hana, Shikamaru X Tayuya, Naruto X Hinata, Zaku X Kin. OOC. Fluff. Angst.
1. Chapter 1

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 1

Kidoumaru rushed into the Nara home and slammed the door behind him, _Man, those girls are getting bold!_ He collapsed, panting, onto one of the many chairs lazy Shikato and Shikamaru kept around for spontaneous naps. _What's with them? I thought with Sasuke back, I'd have some peace, but they're still after me! I should have known better than to wear a mesh shirt, no matter how hot out it is!_ "Tough day with the fan club?" Shikamaru ambled into the room. "It's too troublesome." Kidoumaru murmured, being around Shikamaru so much, he'd begun to adopt his expressions. "Believe it or not, I have the same problem, screaming, clawing women hunting me, it's a nightmare." Kidoumaru shut his eyes and leaned back, trying to ignore out the sounds of the adoring girls gathered around outside. "Get The Hell Out Of My Yard You Little Tramps!" Yoshino shouted, "Go bother Sasuke! Shikamaru and Kidoumaru are taken!" Kidoumaru turned to Shikamaru, "Man, I really admire your mother! Brains, beauty and balls!" Shikamaru looked disgusted, "Dude, that's my _mom_, the most troublesome woman I know! And what do you mean, _balls_?" "She won't back down from anyone! If she'd lived in Sound, Orochimaru would have been serving her!" "That's very sweet of you, Kidoumaru." Yoshino walked through the front door, "I'm glad s_omeone_ here appreciates me!" "Mom," Shikamaru whined, "_I _appreciate you!" She shook her head, "You appreciate that I'm the only thing keeping you and your lazy father from living in a filthy pig stye or starving to death!" Kidoumaru smiled, "He does appreciate you, Yoshino-San, he's just really bad at expressing it." Yoshino reached out and ruffled Shikamaru's hair, causing him to blush and try to pull away. "I know, I just have to keep on him all the time, to try to undo the bad influence of his father." Yoshino ran a hand through Kidoumaru's hair before going into the kitchen, "Your dad's gonna be late again, he went out with Inoichi and Chouza, and you know what that means." Shikamaru sighed loudly, "He'll be stupid drunk when he comes home, that troublesome booze-hound." Yoshino walked past the boys to the stairs, "I'm going out to see Tsume and Hana, If your dad gets back before I do, make sure he doesn't fall down the stairs... _Again_..." "But mom, what about dinner?" "It's in the fridge, just heat it up!" She shouted from upstairs, "Unless you want to order takeout."

Kidoumaru turned to his friend, "Tsume and Hana, as in, the _Inuzuka _clan? Inuzuka Tsume scares the hell out of me!" Shikamaru dropped into a lazy boy recliner, "Tsume scares everyone. She's like a wild woman, the Inuzuka's are all like that. But Tsume, the first time I saw her, I thought she was Kiba's _dad_!" Kidoumaru yawned, "She's not so bad looking, not really. She's actually kind of pretty, but her expressions and all make me afraid that she's thinking _I'll rip out your intestines and eat them_." Shikamaru laughed, "I bet she would, too!" "What happened to Kiba's dad? I haven't seen or heard anything about him since I came here." Shikamaru's face fell, "He died on a mission when Kiba was a little kid, he never talks about it. It's just him, his sister and his mom." "That's too bad, I bet he was a cool guy."

Konohamaru wasn't looking where he was going, as usual, just barreling down the streets, looking back to see if his friends were catching up. Suddenly, he hit something hard, and fell over on top of the mysterious object. "What the hell!" The voice was familiar, and Konohamaru shrunk back in terror. Kankurou stood up, wiping the dust from his black uniform. "_Deja vu_, eh shrimp? You_ really_ need to learn to watch where you're going." _Deja vu_ indeed, when Konohamaru had first laid eyes on the Puppet Master from Suna, five years before, it was right after he'd barreled into him while running down the street, Kankurou would have beaten him senseless if Sasuke hadn't stepped in. "Sorry! I'm sorry!" "Kankurou, is that the same kid from before?" Temari peered over her brother's broad shoulder. 'Yeah," He smiled, 'Konohamaru, right?" He held out a hand, but the boy only stared at him wide eyed, "C'mon, I'm not gonna _eat_ you or anything." Kankurou grabbed him and lifted him to his feet as Udon and Moegi arrived, "_Really_, though, you _need_ to watch where you're going." He reached out and ruffled Konahomaru's hair, "Well, we have work to do, catch you later, kid." Konohamaru watched as Kankurou and Temari walked away, towards the Hokage's tower. "Did he hit you, boss?" Udon asked, "No., He... Helped me up... Man, he's even scarier when he's being nice!"

Shikamaru and Kidoumaru sat facing each other across a Shogi board, each trying to think of a strategy to outdo the other. Kidoumaru looked up from the board, "Do you admire anyone, Shika?" He asked, "What? Where did that come from?" "I was just curious." Shikamaru sighed and leaned forward, " Asuma. He was my sensei, the guy was like a father to me, we understood each other. When he died I almost couldn't bear it." Kidoumaru nodded, "It was Hidan, wasn't it, I remember he kept talking about your sensei when he was beating you." Shikamaru turned a bit, looking toward the window. "Yeah, it was Hidan. He's probably the only person I've ever _truly hated_." "I'm sorry, he must have been some sensei." 'Yes, yes he was." Shikamaru turned back, "What about you, who do you admire?"

Kidoumaru smiled, "If I tell you, you'll laugh." "My _mom_?" Shikamaru chuckled. "I was actually referring to Rock Lee."

"_Rock Lee_? The Azure Beast? Mini-Gai? You don't want to start wearing green spandex, do you?" Kidoumaru leaned forward, "He's _incredible_, a boy, born without any jutsu, without any chakra ability whatsoever, who has not only become a ninja, but a _Jonin_, and all on _willpower_ alone!" Kidoumaru's eyes widened, "He even survived a battle with _Kimimaro_! The whole Sound Five couldn't have survived a fight with him!" He was clearly in awe, " Most of the ninja I know, myself included, would be practically helpless having to depend on _Taijutsu_ alone, but Lee... He can take on the strongest Blood Limits out there without any fancy powers and win! He not only survived a battle with Sabaku No Gaara, he actually managed to hurt him! No one had_ ever_ done that before! He suffered injuries that should have left him crippled for life, but he didn't give in, he got back in the game and just kept winning!" "Strength, courage, determination, endurance, yeah, I can see why you'd admire him, he had a goal and worked against impossible odds to attain it. He is an inspirational guy."

Shikamaru turned at a familiar pair of chakra signatures, and looked out the window. "Oh crap! Temari and Kankurou are here!" Kidoumaru was confused, "I thought you liked Temari?" "NO! She's a troublesome female I happen to be around a lot. It's not romantic at all." He was a terrible liar. The Sand Siblings were at the door, and one of them was knocking. 'Maybe your_ boyfriend's_ asleep, Temari." Kankurou teased. "Shikamaru! Open this #! door right now!" "Troublesome..." He went over and opened the door. "Shikamaru." Temari said coldly, "Temari." Shikamaru replied just as coldly. "Yeah, yeah, you idiots forget you know each other?" "Shut up Kankurou!" Both shouted at the same time. Kidoumaru walked over, "Hi, I'm Kidoumaru," He held out his hand to Kankurou, as Temari was too busy pretending not to like Shikamaru to notice him, besides, he seemed less..._Dangerous_ than his sister. "Kankurou, from Sunagakure." "I'm from..." _I better not tell him I'm from Otogakure_, "Otogakure, by way of The Village of the Silken Web." Kankurou stated matter-of-factly, "We stayed with Eiji for a while, he told us about you. Don't worry, it doesn't bother me, jan." "Err...Thanks. You're a Puppeteer? That's cool. A Puppeteer has to have a great deal of skill and control, as well as being a good tactician." Kankurou blushed, "Thanks. Most people don't understand puppeteering, they think it's just _playing with dolls_, jan. He shuddered. "So, do you live around here?" Kidoumaru smiled and pointed upstairs, "I live here. I was hurt and Shikamaru brought me to Konoha, Tsunade-Sama agreed to let me stay, and the Nara family was kind enough to let me stay here." Shikamaru turned, "He's leaving out one vital detail, he saved my life, he helped me escape when I was captured by Akatsuki." Temari seemed to notice Kidoumaru for the first time. "You must be Kidoumaru, Eiji told us all about you." Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head nervously, "I hope he didn't say anything too bad about me." Kankurou slapped him on the back, "Nah, nothing too bad." Kidoumaru looked over at the bickering Shikamaru and Temari, "They sound like they're already married!"

"Shikamaru's not so bad, in fact, I feel sorry for him, Temari is a real tough chick. She's gonna be the one wearing the pants in the family, jan."

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 2

"We're going to be in Konoha for a week, so I guess I'll be seeing your ugly face around." Temari looked Shikamaru in the eye, "How troublesome..." Shikamaru groaned, "A whole week!" "Just shut up and kiss already!" "Shut up Kankurou!" They both turned to the Puppet Master. "Where are you staying?" Kidoumaru asked, "The Hotel Konoha on 7th street." Kankurou grinned at Shikamaru, "She's staying in room 55." "KANKUROU!" Temari started after her brother, who hid behind Kidoumaru, laughing. "Wait until I tell that Inuzuka girl about your poem! How did it go? She struck a dramatic pose, " _Hana my love, Your lips are like the sweetest honey, Your eyes are..._" Kankurou turned bright red, "You wouldn't dare!" Temari smirked, "Oh, I would, my dear _little _brother." Kankurou hung his head, _Big sisters are so troublesome. I wonder if Hana is like this with Kiba.._

Sakura combed her long pink hair and stared in the bedroom mirror._ I can understand why so many people don't believe it, ever since I first saw Sasuke I've been obsessed with making him mine._ Inner Sakura shook her head,_ He's sexy, there's no way around it, but he's running on ice-water. And after what he did to Naruto, to Konoha, to us, we can barely look at him.. He may be cute, but he's about as nice as Orochimaru!_ Sakura straightened herself and put the comb down,_ That's right! Kidoumaru may have been an Oto-Nin, but he's much more loving and trustworthy than Sasuke. He's better looking too!_ Sakura giggled, at one time she would have thought it almost blasphemous to say _anyone_ was cuter than Sasuke, but there were plenty of guys she thought were better looking now. _Sai is hot, even if he does call us 'Hag', Naruto is adorable, Shikamaru...GOD HELP US! We never thought we'd say Shikamaru was sexy... Kiba's so wild, such a sexy beast!...Kankurou's sexy, as long as he's out of that stupid hat and baggy outfit, remember when we were saving him after Sasori poisoned him?! No hat, no shirt, no face-paint_, Inner Sakura giggled, _preferably no clothing at all.... HOTTTTTTT! But Kidoumaru is different, unlike any other boy we've met. He's funny_, _intelligent, sweet, shy, honest, strong, brave, kind, helpful, dangerous, and did we mention DROP DEAD SEXY!_ She began to apply her lipstick, _Does he like cherry flavor?_ Inner Sakura wondered.

Kidoumaru walked toward the Uchiha district of Konoha, ignoring the occasional hateful stare or girlish giggle directed toward him. He noted a figure out of the corner of his eye, and turned slightly, the man was tall and pale, with long, black hair and pale violet eyes. _OH CRAP! A Hyuuga!_ Kidoumaru did a quick jutsu and teleported to Obito's house. He stood panting for a moment,_ I guess I shouldn't walk alone on the streets of Konoha..._ "Kidoumaru!" Obito shouted, breaking his reverie, "Obito's happy to see you!" Obito hugged him tightly, "Are you alright, you look upset?" Kidoumaru laughed, scratching the back of his head nervously, "I saw a Hyuuga. Most of the Hyuuga clan don't like me, since I figured out how to beat the Byakugan. They're afraid I'll use it against them." Obito shook his head, "You wouldn't do that!" "So, what needs to be done today?" Kidoumaru looked toward the house, it looked a great deal better than it had before, now that it had been repainted and repaired. He noted the many other houses nearby, empty, and neglected. He shuddered, Kidoumaru knew the tragic story of the Uchiha clan, the entire clan, save three, slaughtered in a single night in this very place. "We need to finish painting inside, once it's dry we move the furniture and stuff back in, and then it's done." Obito turned, a smile on his scarred face, "Obito thanks you!" "You're welcome, Sempai." Kidoumaru turned to see who else was here, Namiashi Raidou and Tatami Iwashi, specked in paint, were carrying empty cans out of the house, Hagane Kotetsu and Kamizuki Izumo were carrying what looked to be a box of brushes into the house, Sai was carrying two cans of paint into the house and Sakura was waving excitedly. _Sakura!_

She was wearing paint splattered old clothes and a ball cap, her pink hair was bundled up into the hat, but several strands were peeking out from under it. "Hey, Over here, Kidoumaru!" He walked over, "What's up, babe?" She ran a hand over his cheek, "I'm helping out." _Did he call us 'Babe'?_ "So lets get painting, Pretty Boy."_ Did she just call me 'Pretty Boy'?_ Several minutes later, Kidoumaru was painting a bedroom wall with six brushes, a very efficient method, if you're an ambidextrous ninja with six arms. Something suddenly jumped him from behind, causing him to drop the brushes to the sheet-covered floor. "I AM SO HONORED!" Lee's voice shouted out, "I hope that I can inspire you to many Youthful goals!"_ Oh, God, Shikamaru told him!_ He turned around to see Lee, who had tears running down his face, "Gai-Sensei will be so proud!" Lee held up a brush, "Now I shall tackle this! Helping others is Most Youthful!" Kidoumaru gave him a six-armed 'Good-Guy' pose, thumbs-up with a grin, and Lee returned the gesture, his brightened teeth causing Kidoumaru to see spots, before the Green Beast skipped away to perform his Youthful Duty. Kidoumaru blinked for a moment to clear the spots from his eyes, then bent over to pick up the brushes.

Sakura, Kakashi and Obito were painting what was apparently the dining room, and Obito jumped at the sound of Lee's shouting, "He's louder than Obito!" He shouted. "Just barely," Kakashi whispered to Sakura, who started to giggle. Obito smiled at Sakura, "So, Obito is glad that Kidoumaru and Sakura are in love! Kidoumaru is Good Boy too!" Kakashi fell over, laughing his head off, _Oh God, when Jiraiya gets wind of this!_ Sakura kicked the Jonin in the ribs, "Get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert! I bet you're hoping this shows up in one of those dirty novels, aren't you? Well, Kidoumaru and Tsunade beat that idea out of Jiraiya's head!" "Kidoumaru...Beat Jiraiya?" Kakashi was still laughing, "He caught him sneaking around his window!" "I see that this room is already spoken for." A toneless voice stated, and everyone turned to see the famous Uchiha Sasuke standing in the doorway, holding a paintbrush, "I guess I'll leave this job to you." He turned quickly to go, "SASUKE!" Kakashi shouted, "As Neji would say, _'It's your destiny to paint this house'._ You can't run from destiny." Sasuke snorted, "This sort of menial labor is below an Uchiha!" Kakashi glared at him, "And what's Obito then?" Sasuke smirked cruelly, "A half-wit." Sasuke found himself against the wall with Kakashi's hand wrapped tightly around his throat "You arrogant little #!, Obito is a far better Uchiha, a far better _man_ than you'll _ever_ be! And if I ever hear you insult him again, I'll snap your scrawny neck like a twig! Now apologize!" Sasuke was terrified, he'd never seen his former Sensei so enraged, "I-I'm sorry." He muttered, "And if you think this is beneath you, I'll show you something you're more suited for. I suggest you start hauling the trash out to the dumpster." "It's alright, Obito is always being called a moron or idiot or half-wit." Obito smiled nervously, this wasn't very good. "I'm not." Kakashi lifted Sasuke and threw him into the hall. "You're not an idiot, Obito. And no one has the right to insult you."

Inuzuka Hana looked at the letter and flowers her mother was holding, "What's that mom?" Tsume laughed loudly. "It seems you have an admirer." Kiba rushed forward to see the letter, but Tsume pushed him back. Hana took it and started to read. It said:

_To My Lovely Flower_

_Hana, my love, your lips are like the sweetest honey, your eyes are like the sun,_

_Your hair is like fine silk, your skin is like pure milk,_

_You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known, the only one,_

_I want to kiss that fine silk,_

_And bask in your sun._

_Your faithful Worshiper._

She sniffed the paper thoughtfully, "Did you sniff this mom?" "Yes." Tsume grinned, flashing her large teeth, "You recognize that scent?" Hana giggled and nodded, then Kiba broke in, "_I sure do! _And when I get my hands on him..." "KIBA! Don't talk like that about Kankurou! He did save you and Akamaru from those two lunatics, after all. He's a good boy." Hana giggled, "Poor Kankurou, I wonder if he knew we'd be able to scent him?"

Across town, a thought suddenly struck a certain love-sick Puppeteer. "OHMYGOD!!!! I FORGOT THEY CAN _SMELL_ ME!!!!" Temari snickered from next door, "I told you that those black clothes make you sweat more!"

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 3

Naruto got up from his fifteenth bowl of ramen to answer the door to his apartment. "Sasuke, if that's you, you're dead, Dattabayo!" He opened the door, and discovered it wasn't Sasuke at all, but Hyuuga Hinata. "Oh, hi Hinata, ya' want somethin'?" Hinata was shaking like a leaf, she opened her mouth, but nothing came out. "Are you alright?" Naruto asked, a little worried. "I-I-I-I- l-l...." She was blushing wildly, she swallowed, steeled herself and finally said it, "I LOVE YOU!" She shouted, before throwing up on her beloved's shoes.

Kankurou looked up from his book when he heard the knock at the door, he sighed, put the book aside, and answered it. Inuzuka Hana was standing outside, holding his poem. _OH CRAP!_ _I'm Dead!_ "I got your message." "Uh...Uhm..." He paled, "What message?" "Cut the act, I can smell you all over it! Wood, paint and oil." Kankurou was contemplating getting on his knees and begging for mercy. Hana grabbed the terrified Puppeteer by his shirt and dragged him forward, grinning wolfishly. "Do you know what I think of you?" She pulled of his hat, revealing his spiky brown hair. Kankurou whimpered, and she laughed, "I think you're _cute_." She pulled him close and kissed him on the lips. Then she dragged him inside the room, and locked the door behind them...

Next door. "Are you sure Kankurou didn't see you?" Temari snuggled closer to Shikamaru, they were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. "He was in his room, he couldn't very well have seen me, unless he's suddenly developed Byakugan. Troublesome girlfriend . . .." "OK, Lazy Bones, I'll have to teach you some manners." Shikamaru rolled his eyes, then Temari pulled him close and kissed him. "Mmmmmmm! Mmmmm!" He shouted through their joined lips. 'What was that?" Temari pulled away, "I said, you're a great Sensei! Teach me more!"

Sasuke sat brooding in his house, _Kakashi...I can't believe he'd humiliate me like that!_ He lay back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, _That low-class..._ He turned and looked over at the figure that had suddenly arrived beside him. _Great, that's all I need!_ "Sasuke, are you alright? Do you need anything?" "Karin, how did you get in here?" _Great, now I won't be able to sleep, knowing she could come in and molest me while I'm helpless_. "I have my ways." The trashy red-head wasn't about to give away her secrets. "This is _my_ home, _I _live here, you live... Somewhere else."

"I just wanted to see you. You know I can't live without you, Sasuke." "Then die." he stated coldly. "Oh Sasuke, you're so funny!" She started giggling, not knowing he was serious. _Oh God, why me!? What did I do!?_ _Please kill me now!_

Kidoumaru walked toward Shikamaru's house, licking his lips, _How did she know I like cherry?_ He noticed a man with blonde hair who looked a bit like Ino, along with a man who was clearly related to Chouji, carrying an unconscious Nara Shikato. "Hey, that must be that Kidoumaru." The fat guy shouted, Inoichi squinted, "I'm drunker... than I thought, Chouza, I'm seein' six arms on that kid!" Kidoumaru smiled, "You must be Yamanaka Inoichi-San and Akimichi Chouza-San." Inoichi nodded,"Yeah, mah Ino tol' me all about ya, how you 'saved' Sas-Gay from Sagura." He started laughing. Kidoumaru stared at the drunken Jonin, "Uh... I think she would have left Sasuke with or without me." Chouza hefted Shikato over his shoulder, "You'll have to excuse my friends, they had a little too much sake. We Akimichi's, _however_, have a high tolerance for alcohol." "At least they're not _angry_ drunks. Tayuya was always getting drunk and battin' a hundred with anything that got in her way. Usually Jirobou, poor idiot always trying to teach her to be a 'lady', when she was about as much a lady as I am!" "Jirobou! The guy that tried to kill my Chouji!" Chouza shouted, "I didn't know he was so well-mannered!" Inoichi tripped over his own sandals, "Ooopsie!" Kidoumaru moved over to help him up. "Thank'sh Kid." "I can carry Shikato-San, I'm going there anyway, and Inoichi-San needs some... Support." Chouza nodded and shifted Shikato to Kidoumaru's arms, then picked up Inoichi and slung him over his shoulder. 'I'm na' drunk!" Inoichi shouted, "I'm jus' buzzed! I c'n walk!" As Chouza carried Inoichi off, Kidoumaru continued on.

When he reached the house, he opened the door (Having six arms can be very useful for multitasking,) and walked in. Yoshino was sitting in the living room, reading, she looked up and shook her head sadly, "Lazy drunk! And you had to carry him home! Next time, just leave him in the gutter... Just set him down anywhere, or better yet, dump him in the front yard, because he's not going to be sleeping in bed with me tonight!" She sighed loudly, "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with this. It's seems you've been acting more as a servant than a guest, thanks to those two bums..." Kidoumaru set the man down on the couch, "I need to do something, I'd go crazy being idle. Besides, did you know Shikamaru helped me with the roof?" Yoshino gasped, and her eyes went wide, "Shikamaru..._My Shika_...The Laziest Boy on Earth, did actual work!" "You know me better than that." Shikamaru stepped into the house, "I'm too lazy for..." he shuddered, "Work." 'Why don't you want your mom to think you do anything useful?" Kidoumaru whispered." "Because she'll expect me to do it again, troublesome hard-working kid!"

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 4

Kidoumaru sat at the table, looking at the little bugs that seemed to everywhere. "Is something wrong?" Aburame Shibi asked, looking at his guest. "No sir. It's just nice to see people who respect bugs." He had been invited to dine with the Aburame clan, and it was... Interesting. He had no problem with the bugs, or the oddly dressed people who wore dark glasses and kept half of their faces covered,_ How do they eat? They put the food around their high collars, and it disappears!_, But the silence, the people seemed to never speak! It was just weird.._.I don't even know his mom's name! They never told me! _Kidoumaru suddenly remembered his 'surprise', and pulled a large scroll from his shirt. "Hey, maybe I could show you my summon! He's a giant spider!" Shino looked up, "Didn't you lose that summoning scroll when you were killed? Or did Akatsuki recover it?" Kidoumaru smiled, "I re-made it. I don't doubt that the recovery team from Konoha took the scrolls from our bodies, but I don't think they'd let me have it back." "May I see it." Shibi asked? Kidoumaru handed the scroll to the Aburame, who looked at it with interest, "Fascinating, a truly unique summon. Did you make this from memory?" Kidoumaru nodded politely, "I memorize all of my scrolls, that way, if I lose one, or it's stolen, I can make another. They're also interesting to me, so I like just reading them sometimes." "Perhaps you could demonstrate this summon after we eat, I for one, would be interested in seeing it. What's it's name?"

"Kyodaigumo."

Suigetsu sat restlessly, waiting for Sai to finish sketching him. He was just a very energetic person, and it was hard to keep still. "I'm finished." Sai said in his usual monotone, "Come see." "Very nice, bro! You captured my primal beauty perfectly!" he laughed gently, and Sai gave him a smile in return. Suigetsu frowned slightly. "What's wrong?' "I was just thinking of what those ROOT pigs put us through, what they did to you." Suigetsu had a sudden urge to track down their former superiors and dismember them... Slowly. "The past can't be undone, so it's no use thinking on it." Sai's voice was as calm and neutral as always, _Those #! didn't even leave him enough emotion to feel angry about it!_ _Yes, there are going to be some killings in Konoha..._ "What do you do for pleasure, Suigetsu?" Suigetsu was momentarily shocked speechless, _Is he really trying to learn about fun?_ "I usually hassle Karin, or cut people's arms and legs off . . ." "So, you enjoy playing practical jokes on the Pervert and committing acts of torture and murder?" Sai asked blankly. "As murder is illegal, perhaps we could enjoy ourselves at Pervert's expense. I have long been curious of 'humor' and so called 'practical jokes'."

Suigetsu grinned, "Oh yeah, this is gonna' be fun!"

Kankurou rubbed his sore lips, _Hana is a lot of woman! I thought my lips were gonna fall off!_ He pulled back and looked at himself in the mirror, checking for bruises or lipstick, _Dear God, don't let Kiba find out I was making out with his sister!_ He walked back to the couch and plopped down, exhausted. _All we did was kiss, Well, she did grope my butt,.... but still, I feel like I went six rounds with a champion boxer_! He lay back and closed his eyes, _What a night! I hope this wasn't just a one-time thing, I really like her..._

Kidoumaru knelt, his summoning scroll stretched out in front of him, swiftly performing the jutsu to call his summon beast. Kyodaigumo emerged into the Forest of Death, accompanied by a sound of thunder, stunning the Aburames. She was black with two orange, lightning like streaks running down her abdomen, more impressive was the fact that she was the size of an adult elephant, with long, shaggy limbs and a bloated, hairy body. "Kidoumaru... Why have you summoned me?" The spider asked in a deep, terrifying voice. "I wanted you to meet the famous Aburame clan." The spider clicked her fangs thoughtfully, "You wanted me to _eat_ the tasty Aburame clan?" Her hearing wasn't what it used to be after so many centuries. "NO! I want you to _MEET_ them!" "You know that I am not good at conversations." The spider replied, 'But I am _intrigued_. I have heard much of the Aburame clan." He scurried to the forest floor, and crouched down, lowering her body so that Shino could feel her furry exoskeleton. "Tell me, Kidoumaru, what ever happened to that Hyuuga kid?" "He killed me. But I was brought back, and we're friends now." If Kyodaigumo had eyebrows she would have arched them, "KILLED YOU! Hmmmmm. Now that you mention it, I heard some of the other summons talking about how some people were brought back just recently. They said one of them killed Jashin himself!" Kidoumaru nodded, "That was Abumi Zaku." The spider paused thoughtfully, "Oh, well, I never liked Jashin much anyway."

She motioned with one long leg, "Climb up on my back." Kidoumaru lept onto the spider's back, "How about Shino?" "Whatever kid." Kidoumaru pulled Shino up, "Don't worry, Shibi-san. He'll be fine." Together they rushed off across the treetops.

Inuzuka Kiba was upset, to say the least. "If nothing happened, then why do I _smell_ him all over you!?" Hana growled right back at him, "That's none of your business I can more than take care of myself! Besides, _I_ kissed_ him_ _first!_" Kiba's eyes bugged out of his head, "YOU KISSED!" "Oh, and you and TenTen haven't?" Kiba blushed, "That's different!" Tsume walked into the room, "You're right, it is different." She turned to Kiba and poked him in the chest, "You're still jail-bait!" She sat down, "Hana is a big girl, she knows what she's doing, however, whether or not _Kankurou_ is _mature_ enough I don't know." She sniffed, "I smell fear, he was afraid..." "He should be." Kiba grumbled, and Tsume growled, forcing him to back down, "If you lay a hand on that boy, I swear I'll beat you so hard you won't be able to sit down for the next year!" Kiba whimpered and slunk away, Tsume's spankings were infamous and unforgettable, and he didn't want another... "Hana, don't be too _rough_ with the boy. I don't want to have my daughter brought up on rape charges." "MOM! I wouldn't do that! We just kissed, that's all. He's so innocent, if I had tried to go further he would have fainted!" Tsume giggled, "He really is a good boy, isn't he?" Hana smiled, "Yes, yes he is."

Naruto sat next to the hyperventilating Hinata, his arm around her shoulder. "You love me!" He said for the five-hundredth time. "I-I-I-I..." "I had no idea!" "I-I-I-I-I-I-I...." "I always thought you were just being nice!" "Uh-uh-I-uh..." Hinata finally gave up trying to speak, grabbed Naruto, and kissed him passionately. Once the kiss was over, Naruto tried to say something, but it came out as, "I-I-I-I-I..."

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 5

_I never knew that people lived like this, happy and safe. Things were never safe in Otogakure, especially in Orochimaru's place. Every night I went to sleep wondering if I would be waking up in the morning, or if someone were going to come in and cut my throat while I slept to gain some street cred, or simply for the hell of it. Of course, death wasn't the worst that could happen. The experiments, turning people into things that no longer even seemed human. I wonder how many people that snake tortured in his attempts to find the secret of immortality. But here... Here people can actually walk the streets at night! Shikamaru goes outside and sleeps, in plain view of everyone, without any fear of being attacked. Konoha has it's problems, of course, a lot of the people are spiteful and bigoted, and they have their own top-secret experiments, like that ROOT thing that turned Sai and a bunch of other kids into emotionless freaks, designed only to kill, but for the most part, things are nice here._ Kidoumaru lay on his back on top of the Nara home, gazing up at the stars, _I despise Orochimaru... He played so many people, pretending to care, to be some sort of savior or father figure, when he really didn't care about anyone but himself. Kimimaro... Kimimaro was lucky, he never found out that Orochimaru never cared for him. Not like poor Zaku, he practically worshiped the ground that Orochimaru slithered on, he thought he meant something to the snake. Then Orochimaru murdered him in cold blood because he needed a human sacrifice. I can't imagine how he felt when that was happening, that kind of betrayal. To find out that the man you looked at as a god saw you only as a pawn in a sick game and was about to take your life. I guess I was lucky, I always knew Orochimaru would throw me away like a piece of trash on a whim, so I never imagined that he was anything but what he was, a monster. He played everyone, he was like a puppeteer, and everyone else was a disposable puppet._

"I still don't see what Sakura could see in someone like you." Kidoumaru turned slightly to see Sasuke standing on the roof nearby. Kidoumaru grinned, "According to Sakura, I'm cute." Sasuke would have laughed, if he had such emotions, "That's what Sakura used to say about me. She used to worship the ground I walked on. And now she loves_ you_." Kidoumaru sat up, "You can't win the game if you never _play_ in the first place. She tried to get your attention for years and you never even looked at her, you have no right to complain." Sasuke snarled silently, "This isn't over." "No, it's not. I'm in love with Sakura, and I wont let a stuck-up, jealous little prick like you bother her." Sasuke clenched his fist, but didn't move toward his rival. "You don't have your Cursed Seal powers anymore, do you? I still have mine, I could tear you to pieces with a thought." Kidoumaru lay back on the roof and went back to staring at the stars. "You think you can intimidate an Elite Ninja from Otogakure? Do you think I fear death? I feared Orochimaru, and compared to that freak, you're as scary as a rabbit. What did you do, kill the old pervert in his sleep? Don't get me wrong, I hated that pedo, I'm glad he's dead, but I don' much like you, either, and neither does Sakura. You ignored her for years and now you want her? Well she doesn't want you. You blew it. You, Uchiha Sasuke, can go to hell." Sasuke glared at the boy for a while, but upon realizing that he was being totally ignored, he turned, jumped to the street, and went home, muttering curses under his breath.

Kankurou stepped from his apartment to find a large black dog with an eyepatch waiting for him. "Tsume-San sent me to bring you to her." The dog said. Kankurou went pale, _Kuromaru! Tsume-san's dog!_ _Oh crap! She's gonna kill me!_ Kankurou slowly followed the huge dog, a little too slowly, "Hurry it up, human! I want to get back before I die of old age!"

Tsume looked up as Kankurou walked into the room, _My he's terrified. I can smell his fear from here._ She laughed and Kankurou flinched. "Uh-uh... Tsume-San?" She grinned widely, displaying those massive canines, "Kankurou. My, don't you look cute without that hat and paint." "T-thank you?" He stuttered softly. Kuromaru snorted, "This kid's a wimp, Hana deserves better." "I'm no wimp, flea-bag, jan!" He shouted, and Kuromaru laughed, "I guess you're not." "Kankurou," Tsume broke in, "I saw your letter, you've got balls, setting your sights on an_ Inuzuka_ girl." She stood up and stroked his hair. "My daughter seems to like you. And I like you. Kiba... Well, he'll get over it." "I like Hana. I love Hana." Kankurou felt a strong arm wrap around his waist. "And I love you too, Kankurou." Hana nuzzled against his ear. "And I guess I won't kill you..." Kiba mumbled from somewhere in back of him, " I knew I owed you for saving my life, I just didn't expect you to want my sister as payment!"

Suigetsu and Sai watched from the bushes as Karin and Sasuke fell into their trap. The pair were walking down the road, with Sasuke totally ignoring the red-head. Sai took out his paintbrush. A swarm of ink mice rushed from the bushes towards the Traitor and the Tramp. Sasuke took one look at the mice, screamed in a very high key, and ran off as fast as his feet could take him. Karin just stood there as the mice began making faces at her. "SUIGETSU! YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME, DEAD!" Suigetsu didn't hear her for the sound of his own laughter. "Is this humor?" Sai asked in all seriousness. Suigetsu grabbed Sai's arm and ran as Karin rushed after them,

"GET BACK HERE YOU #! BRATS! I'LL RIP OFF YOUR BALLS AND CHOKE YOU WITH 'EM!" "Ah! So this is humor!" Sai smiled his little smile as they ran for their lives from the enraged female.

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Kidoumaru Does Konaha!

Chapter 6

Kidoumaru looked up from his Shogi board as a dark-skinned man in a Chuunin vest stepped onto the Nara's porch. "Hi, Iruka-Sensei." Shikamaru greeted the man warmly, "Good morning, Shikamaru," He turned to Kidoumaru, "You must be the famous Kidoumaru." he held out his hand and Kidoumaru shook it. "That's me." "My name is Umino Iruka, and I'm a teacher at the Academy." Kidoumaru looked surprised, "You were the one who went with Eiji and the others to fight Jashin. I'm impressed." Iruka blushed, "Thanks. I was wondering if you could do me a favor. My class is getting ready for the next Chuunin exam, and I was hoping that you could spar with them, show them a few Oto Techniques." Kidoumaru thought for a moment, "I take it I'm not allowed to kill any of the little brats?" Iruka paled, "NO!" "I'm joking... Maybe. Otogakure was a bit like Kirigakure, fights were to survive as much as to learn." Iruka stood for a moment._ Is this such a good idea? Can I trust this boy? I'll be there, watching, but still... _" I would rather see them reach the Chuunin exams in one piece." Kidoumaru waved dramatically, "OK, I guess I'll hold back on the runts. When did you want me?" Iruka smiled, "This afternoon, in about two hours." I guess our game will have to wait." Shikamaru lay back, "I'll just nap until you get back."

_Why the hell did I agree to this!_ He'd been fighting for almost an hour now, it was good to get back in the game, but these Genin didn't pose much of a challenge. A swarm of brats surrounded him, and Konohamaru was one of them. He took out the first with a punch, then five more with his web, but they just kept coming, _They're like roaches!_ He turned to take down Konohamaru and got the shock of his life. Where the boy had stood there was now a very beautiful, very-busty, very naked woman. All three of his eyes bugged out of his head, right before the woman hit him and everything went dark. "Are you all right, Kidoumaru?" Iruka's voice cut through the darkness. Kidoumaru sat up, rubbing his aching jaw. "What happened? Who was that chick?" Konohamaru leaned over the Oto Nin. "That was me." He said in a high, seductive voice, then winked "That's the 'Oiroke-No-Jutsu.' Seems they didn't prepare you for _that_ in Otogakure." The rest of the class laughed as Iruka helped the Spider-Nin up, "Very impressive show, Kidoumaru. And you didn't kill or cripple a single student." "I never really thought of teachers being tough, but if you can take on a herd of perverted brats like this you can take on anything!" Kidoumaru stood up, "I guess that makes him the winner." he pointed at Konohamaru, "I'll have to beat your high score next time." Konohamaru smirked, then used his Oiroke-No-Jutsu again, "If you think you can handle _this_, then bring it on!" Iruka frowned while trying to stem the flow of blood from his nose. "Stop that Konohamaru! You're getting everyone upset!"

"I can't believe it, dattebayo!" Naruto shouted, "You love me!" Hinata blushed as every head within shouting range turned to look at the couple. "N-not so l-loud, Naruto. People are s-s-staring!" Naruto grinned at her, "I wouldn't want to get kicked out of the Ichiraki! Dattebayo!" A cold voice broke in, "Another pairing made in hell." Sasuke walked over to the booth, "What do a loud-mouth idiot and a girl so nervous she can't even speak straight have in common?" "SHUT IT, YOU #!" "Make me, Fox-Boy!" Sasuke found himself flying out of the Ichiraki, propelled by the force of Hinata's kick to his backside, "AND STAY OUT YOU TRAITOR!" She shouted. Sasuke lay on the ground for a while, then picked himself up, wiped off the dust and walked away, red-faced._ Everyone in this town is against me, but they'll learn not to mess with Uchiha Sasuke_. "Oh Sasuke..." Karin rushed up, "I've been looking everywhere for you!" _It's official, God hates me._

Uchiha Obito stood in front of the monument whereon were marked the names of brave ninja who had fallen defending their village. There were many Uchiha's here, some had fallen in battle with enemy ninja, but most had been slain by two of their own. He looked toward the names of his own parents, slain by the mad Uchiha along with everyone else. He ran his fingers across their names, as if he could touch the people they represented. _I'm sorry mom, dad. I'm so sorry..._ He looked to where his own name was engraved within the stone,_ It's odd, seeing your own name engraved on a memorial stone. I wonder if they'll take it off now?_ Kakashi moved closer to his old friend, "I used to come here, every day, to visit you. If I... if I had just looked, I could have saved you years of pain. Can you forgive me?" Obito shook his head, "If you had found Obito, you would have found Madara as well, and Madara would have killed you by Obito's hand. He did it before, made Obito kill when he didn't want to, when he knew it was wrong. But Obito couldn't fight him, he was too strong." He looked at his hands grief-stricken, "Obito...Tobi... Madara..., we were there. We were there when Itachi killed them told him to kill them all to gain the power of the Mangekayan Sharingan. Kill those you love to unlock the power... I saw them all die." Kakashi stood in stunned silence, then he felt a rage such as he'd never felt before, ever. _Madara forced him to play a key role in murdering his own clan, his own parents! Made him watch as he... It's inhuman, even a demon like Shukaku wouldn't do such a thing!_ "That wasn't you, that was Madara, you had no more control over what that... _Thing_ did than I have over what Itachi did. And you avenged them, you killed Madara with your own hands."_ I wish I could have watched, I hope it was a long, agonizing death. _He wrapped an arm around Obito's shoulders, "You're home now."

"Kankurou?" Temari looked around the crowded streets of Konaha, "Where are you stupid little #!?" _He left his hat and uniform, he almost never goes out in street clothes, what could be up with him? "_KANKUROU GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW OR I'LL SEND YOU BACK TO SUNA IN A FULL-BODY CAST!" She looked around again, everyone was staring, but still no Kankurou. "Hi, Temari-san! I saw your most Youthful brother brother last night with Kuromaru!" She turned to see, not surprisingly, Rock Lee. "Who's Kuromaru?" He smiled, momentarily blinding her, "Kuromaru is Inuzuka Tsume-san's dog!" _Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhcrap!_ "Lee, could you show me the way to her house?" He smiled, but this time Temari was smart enough to look away, "Yes! I would be most honored to conduct such a distinguished guest!" _If that love-sick fool has gotten himself killed, it could mean war..._

"Sakura." Sakura turned to see Sasuke standing behind her, "What do you want, traitor?" She growled dangerously, "I...I hate to tell you this, but I saw..." he paused, as if the next words were supremely painful to him, "I saw Kidoumaru and Ino making out behind the Academy library...." He lowered his head solemnly, "I'm sorry, Sakura, but I couldn't stand by and let him treat you like that." "You're lying! Kidoumaru would never . . ." Sasuke pointed to a rapidly growing bruise under his right eye, "He gave me this and told me to keep quiet or he'd do far worse, but I couldn't let him get away with it, no matter how much he threatened me." "GET AWAY FROM ME!" "Alright... I know it's hard..." he turned and walked off, somber eyes on the ground. As soon as he was sure she couldn't see him, he allowed himself a slight smile, _Phase One of Operation: Crush The Spider complete._ _Now, on to Phase Two..._

To be continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Kidoumaru Does Konaha!

Chapter 7

Ino was overjoyed, it was a dream come true! Sasuke wanted to see her! She looked at the note the Uchiha had silently slipped her as they passed on the street.

_Ino, I've had a crush on you for years, I just didn't know how to express it. I've never been good with emotions..._ _Please, meet me in an hour on the training ground behind the Academy. Love, Sasuke._

Ino skipped towards the Academy training ground and her true love.

_Kidoumaru, let's settle this once and for all. You, me, the training ground behind the Academy. One hour. If you win, I'll never bother you or Sakura again, I'll be waiting, Are you man enough to face me, Spider-Boy? Your rival, Sasuke._ Kidoumaru looked again at the note,_ Sasuke finally grew some balls, huh? Well, I guess I'll have to rip 'em off._ Kidoumaru walked toward the training grounds, cracking all of his knuckles.

Sakura picked up the letter attached to the flowers she found on her doorstep.

_Sakura, Kidoumaru here. I have a special surprise for you at the training grounds behind the Academy. Come over in about an hour and I'll show you. Love, Kidoumaru._

Sasuke smiled to himself as all the pieces went into motion. _This is going to be fun..._

To be continued....


	8. Chapter 8

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 8

"Come on out, Sasuke." Kidoumaru searched the trees surrounding the training ground, "Do you wanna' fight or play hide n' seek?" _Where is he? He called me out, and now he's not here?_ "Kidoumaru, what are you doing here?" The Oto-Nin turned and saw Ino standing nearby, "You'll have to leave, I'm meeting Sasuke here. He's going to proclaim his _love_ for _me_!" She giggled excitedly. "Sasuke told _me _to come so we could _fight._ He promised to leave Sakura alone if I won." "You came here to _beat up_ Sasuke! And I thought you were nice!" Kidoumaru ignored her, _Why would Sasuke call both of us here unless...OH NO! _He spun around and saw Sakura standing a few yards away, looking heartbroken. "HOW COULD YOU!"

"Sakura, Sasuke called me here to..." "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! I should have known better..." Sakura rushed off, leaving Kidoumaru and Ino behind. "What...What just happened, Kidoumaru?" Kidoumaru clenched all six fists, "A set-up. This game has gone too far..." "A set-up, you mean... No! Sasuke _wouldn't _do that! He_ couldn't!_" Kidoumaru's expression went to one of pure rage, "He _could_, and he just _did_. And I'll _kill_ him for it."

_Operation; Crush The Spider, Phase Two-complete_

"What's wrong, Spider-Boy? _Girlfriend troubles_?" Sasuke appeared at the line of trees edging the training ground. "You thought you could just come here and..." He didn't have time to finish the sentence as Kidoumaru's hand flew to his throat and began to squeeze, "I'LL KILL YOU!" Sasuke vanished in a puff of smoke,_ A Shadow Clone!?_ Ino was bright red with shame and rage, "You _used _me! You used me to break them up! You #! Piece of #!"

"And you played your part _beautifully_, Piggy." Sasuke shouted from the other end of the field, "Well done!" he began clapping as Kidoumaru threw a kunai, dispersing the Shadow Clone. "Come out and fight, you coward!"

"I wouldn't want to ruin my probation by killing a useless bug like you." Sasuke called from somewhere behind them, They turned to see Sasuke standing atop the Academy roof. "It's not right, a foreign Oto-freak like you dating Sakura, when she hates me! Now you can be as miserable as I am... Funny thing is, I don't even_ want _Sakura, I just don't want _you_ to have her." Sasuke turned and ran as both Ino and Kidoumaru jumped to the roof, and took off after the traitor .

"I don't know much about humor, brother, but I don't think this qualifies as a harmless prank." Sai stepped from the tree line, followed by Suigetsu. "This seems malicious." Suigetsu, for once, wasn't smiling, "You're right, that wasn't funny, that was cruel... I think we should do something." Sai nodded, "Do you wish to cut his arms and legs off?" Suigetsu laughed, "No, I think there are three people right now who'd get far more pleasure from that than we would."

To be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 9

Confident he was no longer being followed, Sasuke straightened himself and put on his best 'sympathetic' look, "Sakura? What's wrong?" Sakura was sitting on a bench near the park, sobbing. "Kid-Kidoumaru... You were right..." "I'm so sorry about that, Sakura," he sat beside her, "I only wish I could have found out before you became so close with that freak." Sakura turned, her tear-filled eyes blazing. "No,_ Kidoumaru was right_...And I didn't believe him." "WHAT!?" Sasuke shouted. Kidoumaru, Ino, Sai and Suigetsu stepped into view from behind a nearby building. "You were seen! Sai and Suigetsu were there! They heard you!" Sakura stood up, radiating with killer intent, " I knew you were cruel, Sasuke, but I didn't know you were this_ heartless!_ How could you do that to us, how could you _play_ with Ino's feelings like that?!" "They're lying, all of them! They're all in this together!" "Sai may be an emotionless creep, but he doesn't lie! I saw the notes! You're nothing but a monster, no better than Orochimaru! I can't believe I ever wanted you!" Sakura turned swiftly and delivered a vicious punch to the Uchiha's mid-section, knocking him into, and through, a nearby wall. As a stunned Sasuke tried to get up, he saw Ino and Kidoumaru standing over him. Kidoumaru cracked all of his knuckles, "Let's play a new game, it's called '_Punching Bag_' And you're the bag!"

And then the _pain_ began...

Obito walked into his parent's bedroom, Other than a good dusting, nothing had been changed, everything was as it had been when they died. Obito picked up one of the pillows, and held it close. Kakashi watched sadly as his friend ran his hands reverently over the bed. During the whole cleaning and renovation, Obito hadn't been able to set foot in this room. Kakashi knew the pain of losing one's parents to violence, and it was heartbreaking to watch his friend suffering through it now. Kakashi had been a small child when his parents died, and Obito, now nearing twenty-nine, but still a child in his own mind, had found/remembered his parent's deaths, and learned that he had been forced, against his will, to take part in the tragedy. Kakashi just watched, not wanting to interrupt his friend's thoughts, but keeping careful watch in case the memories became to much. Obito was in such a fragile state, torn between Tobi and Obito, between the carefree young boy he had been, the childish Akatsuki member whom his damaged psyche had created to protect him from the memories, and the man he would have to become to accept his horrific and tragic past.

To be continued...


	10. Chapter 10

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 10

"There you are!" Kankurou was sitting in the front yard of the Inuzuka house, petting a puppy. "See, we have found him! Now I must go find Gai-sensei for our afternoon push-ups! If I am late, I shall do three-thousand push-ups!" Lee grinned, blinding everyone nearby, and rushed off to find his beloved sensei. "Temari? What are you doing here?" Kankurou stood up and stretched lazily, "What am I doing here!? I thought that you were dead! You vanish from your apartment without a word to anyone...!" A happy yip was heard from within the house, 'I see you're used to living with strong women." Inuzuka Tsume stepped from the shadows, "I sent for him, he probably didn't have time to talk to anyone before Kuromaru brought him here." Temari glanced at the Inuzuka, then at her brother. "Why would you invite Puppet-Boy here to your house?" Kankurou snorted at the nickname as Hana stepped walked from somewhere behind the house and stood next to him, then started nuzzling the surprised Puppeteer's neck, "I think you can see that we enjoy his company, _especially_ Hana." Tsume laughed loudly, "Sorry if we worried you, Temari." "N-no.... That's alright..." She stared in horror as Hana's left hand slid down to Kankurou's backside. His eyes widened, and he squirmed and whimpered a bit, _OH GROSS! Are they gonna make-out right here!?_ "I'll just... Go now...BYE!" "We'll make sure he's home before midnight!' Tsume called. Temari just ran as fast as she could...

Several hours later, Sasuke stumbled, bloodied and bruised, into his home and collapsed on the floor, rising just enough to spit out a broken tooth, _There must be something I can... Of course! _He crawled toward the phone...

It wasn't too hard to fake a fearful, desperate voice, "H-hello..., 911. This...This is Uchiha... Sasuke... Kidoumaru just... tried to kill me..."

"I'm sorry, Kidoumaru. I should have believed you..." Sakura was distraught, how could she have been fooled so easily. "I would have thought the same thing if I'd caught you with Neji. It was a clever tri..." A pair of Anbu materialized nearby, ready for a fight. "Oto No Kidoumaru, you're under arrest for the attempted murder of Uchiha Sasuke." Kidoumaru shrugged his shoulders, "If I had wanted him dead, I would have killed him on the spot." "Sasuke was trying to break us up..." Sakura started, but was cut off, "Nevertheless, he's going to have to explain himself to the Hokage."

"Half the town heard you screaming that you were going to kill Sasuke! You were seen chasing him!" The Hokage was in a bad mood, she didn't like being accused of making an error in judgment, and she certainly didn't want to hear that an _enemy _ninja_ she'd_ allowed to stay had nearly _killed _one of her citizens. Kidoumaru, for his part, was terrified, he saw all of the broken furniture scattered across the entire office, and he'd heard of her horrific temper.

"Tsunade-Sama, he set me up..." he said, trying to stay calm, "Sasuke set me up to be seen with Ino, so that Sakura would think I was cheating on her. He deserved everything he got! And now he's lying to get me in trouble with you..." "Even if that's true, this isn't Otogakure, we don't just go around killing people we don't like. You are confined to the Nara house until I can interview the others involved and sort this out..." Kidoumaru bowed respectfully, "Thank you, Tsunade-Sama. I am grateful that you took the time to hear my side and investigate, rather than simply jump to conclusions." "Cut the flattery and get out! I'll inform you of my decision soon."

Tsunade rubbed her temples and took another swig of Sake, _It's hard to believe that even Sasuke could do something so cruel ..., but Sai would never lie to me. And Ino had those letters... Kidoumaru still shouldn't have beat Sasuke up like that. Well, what was he supposed to do Tsunade? Call the police? Sick jokes aren't their responsibility. Tell me? That would have worked, but I doubt he was thinking much at the time... I guess it was a case of temporary insanity._

_And Sasuke? Well, to be honest, the little freak deserved it, but I can't charge him with anything either, and he's suffering enough right now._ "Shizune." The young lady rushed in, "Yes, Tsunade-Sama" "Go to the Nara house and tell Kidoumaru he's longer under house arrest. And tell him that if he ever_, EVER _pulls a stunt like this again, he'll be sitting in a dungeon until he's an old man..." "Yes ma'am." "Oh, and Shizune, tell him that if he has a problem, to come to me, instead of running off half-cocked and doing something stupid."

Sasuke lay in pain in the hospital, his right arm was broken, as were several ribs, he'd lost four teeth and he was covered in bruises._ I hope that freak was executed... I hope the old lady tortured him, then cut his head off... _He lay back and smiled, imagining Kidoumaru weeping and begging for his life. "SASUKE! MY POOR SASUKE!" _Oh God! Not her, anyone but her!_ Sasuke tried to scoot away as Karin plopped down on the bed next to him, jostling his injured ribs. "I was so worried! I thought I'd lost you!" "Go away, Karin!" he growled dangerously. She smiled, "I can't do that, I was given permission by the Hokage herself to take care of _all_ of your needs until you're better!" _OH GOD NO!_ "Hmm... I think you could use a _sponge-bath_..." Sasuke's screams of horror could be heard all the way to Otogakure...

To be continued...


	11. Chapter 11

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 11

"Kankurou, what do you intend to do when this mission is over and we have to go home?" Temari looked at her younger brother, "I don't know... How do you and Shikamaru do it?" "Well, he's so lazy, sexist and obnoxious, a long-distance relationship is the only thing keeping me from going crazy and killing him..."

Kidoumaru, Chouji and Shikamaru lay on the hill, watching the clouds, "I can't believe that you, Sakura and Ino beat the hell out of Sasuke... Not that he didn't have it coming, troublesome emo. Then again, if someone used me like he used Ino, I'd probably beat them up too." "Remind me never to get either of those girls angry... They did more damage than I did!" Kidoumaru smirked, "I thought they were gonna' kill him!" Shikamaru stretched like a cat, "Yeah, girls are troublesome, but angry girls are just scary!" Chouji started on his third bag of chips, "I hope Sasuke doesn't try anything else..." Shikamaru thought for a moment, "I've been wondering, what happened to that bone guy Lee and Gaara fought, was he brought back too?" "Kaguya Kimimaro? No, they didn't bring him back, they were afraid that he would still be too loyal to Orochimaru to control... After all, Akatsuki and Orochimaru weren't on good terms." Suddenly Temari's voice bombarded their ears, "Are you just going to lay around all day!?" Shikamaru didn't bat an eyelash, "You're starting to sound like my mother, troublesome woman..." The Troublesome Woman walked over, grabbed Shikamaru, and slung him over her shoulder, "Sorry to interrupt, Chouji, Kidoumaru, but I guess I'm going to have to this bum some more manners...." "_Yes,_ Sensei! I have very_ bad _manners..." Temari gave him a hard swat on the backside, "Shut up, you perverted bum!" Kidoumaru watched as Temari carried his friend off. "Troublesome... Yeah right... He just can't admit anything, can he?"

Uchiha Sasuke thought things couldn't get any worse, injured by two girls and a six-armed freak and stuck in a hospital room with a perverted 'nurse'. He was wrong... First came Uzumaki Naruto, loud, obnoxious, and brainless, trying to 'cheer him up', then came Rock Lee, even louder and impossibly energetic, shouting about 'Youth' and attempting to encourage his wounded comrade to more Youthful pursuits (While giving him a migraine with those #! Bright teeth!), and last but not least, Uncle Obito, whose brain-damaged attempts at help ended up making him feel even worse... "Oh Sasuke... " Karin's whiny voice cut through Sasuke's self-pitying reverie, "I brought you something special!" Obito started clapping as Karin walked in with a potted plant, a freesia. "Karin, you idiot! I'm aller...ACHOOO!" "Obito thinks Sasuke may be catching a cold!" Obito looked fairly concerned as Karin rushed over, "It's not a co... ACHOO!" Karin set the flowers on the stand next to the bed, "You certainly are sick!" "It's the fl... ACHOO!" "IT'S THE_ FLU_! OH NO!" Karin rushed out and returned a few minutes later with a very large needle, "I'll make it better! Now roll over so I can get a good _view_... Errr... I mean... give you the hots... I mean shot!" Sasuke couldn't tell which tears were from the allergies, and which were from the humiliation of it all.

Hana, Kiba and Tsume were watching an impromptu puppet show in their own home. Hana watched in amusement as a tiny Kankurou walked across the Inuzuka's living room toward a tiny Hana and knelt, holding out a small box, and said in a tiny voice, "I love you. Marry me, Hana." The real Kankurou stepped from behind a couch, moved forward, picked up the box, and knelt in front of the Inuzuka, he flicked the box open, revealing a diamond ring, "I love you. Marry me, Hana." Hana giggled, pulled the Puppet Master close, and kissed him.

To be continued...


	12. Chapter 12

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 12

"I can sense your power, Kidoumaru. It is being wasted here, in this backwater village. I know that you want more, you want to become strong, to live a life of adventure. I can help you. I can help you gain greater power than you can imagine." Orochimaru's hissing voice was powerful, intimidating, enticing. His serpentine eyes were gleaming with a hideous strength. "The others..." Kidoumaru started, but Orochimaru cut him off, "Are nothing, their opinions don't really matter. They're holding you back. Do you want a life of quiet boredom? Do you truly want to become a potter like your father? Or do you want to be a great ninja, someone looked up to and respected, someone no one would dare mock?" Six-year old Kidoumaru grinned at that, "I want to be a great ninja." "Then come with me." Orochimaru hissed, holding out his hand, Kidoumaru took it, and walked off into his destiny.

It burned... That terrible fire flowing through his veins, radiating from the serpent's bite. He could feel the power it carried, and grinned through the agony. _I will be stronger, I will be unbeatable!_ He put a hand to the throbbing spot on his neck where the Cursed Seal was quickly forming._ I will be the greatest ninja, the strongest... Invincible._

_I-I guess it's game over, it was a short game, just fifteen years, but I enjoyed it._ He looked towards the violet-eyed boy who had killed him. Yes, there was no doubt he was about to die, the wounds were so grave, so agonizing, as if his insides had exploded. Perhaps they had, but that didn't matter now. The Game had ended, and Kidoumaru had lost. He didn't fear death, not that fear would do any good anyway. He had never desired to die in bed, old and feeble and helpless. Still, one thought burned within him, _The weakest are always the first to fall..._ _Am I so weak? No, this boy, he's incredible. His power... It was a hell of a game, Hyuuga....A hell of a game... _After that he knew no more...

He awoke scared, naked and confused in a strange laboratory, held by strange men in even stranger clothes. He panicked, throwing them off of himself and rushed off blindly, trying desperately to transform, to defend himself, _Why won't it work! Why is my Cursed Seal not responding?_ He found a door, but it would not open, the men began to approach, and he found himself in a corner, crouching and snarling like a trapped animal... The men held back in confusion. His thoughts were jumbled and pained, his actions and reactions ruled by an inexplicable terror, and he could not fight it. _ Is this hell? Am I in hell? _ After a while a man in a funny orange mask had come, had spoke soothingly to him. He didn't understand why he trusted him, why he even let him near, but he did. He let the man wrap a blanket around him, and lead him into the unknown...

Kidoumaru sat on the roof of his new home, an arm around Sakura's shoulders, another around her waist, while stroking her hair within another. The sky was colored in shades of gold as the sun set. Sakura snuggled closer to Kidoumaru, and they sat there, silently enjoying the beauty of it all. "You're beautiful." He said simply, and Sakura looked up into his eyes, and smiled. "I love you too."

To be continued...


	13. Chapter 13

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 13

Shikamaru walked into Kidoumaru's room carrying two letters, "Looks like we both got love letters." Kidoumaru eyed him strangely, "Love letters? I'm surprised you didn't throw them out. Besides I'm taken." "I think you might want to read these..." He grinned and handed Kidoumaru his letter. It read;

_Dear #! Six-Armed Pineapple-Headed Freak,_

_Are you #! dead yet?_

_I guess if you're #! reading this that's a #! stupid #! question_

_I just wanted you to know we're all still #! alive, no #! thanks to you, you #! traitor! If I ever catch your #!#! sorry #! again I'll rip off your balls and #! strangle you with them! I #! hate you and hope you die of a #! V.D.!_

_Sincerely,_

_Tayuya_

_P.S. DIE you #!!_

Kidoumaru shrunk back from the withering letter. Shikamaru shook his head, "If you think that's bad, you should see mine! I've never seen_ that_ word used so many times in writing.", Kidoumaru laughed, and Shikamaru handed him the other letter. "Here, read this."

_Dear Pineapple-Headed #!_

_I'm going to #! find you and when I #! do you'll beg for #! death! I'll turn you into a #! eunuch! then I'm gonna shove a #! rosebush so far up your #!#!#!#! you'll be a #! garden! And I'll take that #! blonde Suna whore and #! gut her like a #! fish after I let her watch me #! kill you!_

_With hate,_

_Tayuya,_

_P.S. I #! hate you!_ _DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! YOU #! If you want to #! die, come to Iwagakure, so I can #! kill your lazy #! _

Kidoumaru winced, "She'd do it, too Well, at least they all got away.." Shikamaru flopped down on Kidoumaru's bed, "She has real anger management problems doesn't she..." "How did you ever survive on the same team as _that_?"Shikamaru asked, "By being a selective listener. And not telling her to be more lady-like, like poor Jirobou. He always got the worst of it. And, most of all, I survived by avoiding her whenever possible. It wasn't easy."

A few moments later Kidoumaru held up a piece of paper he'd been writing on.

_Dear Tayuya,_

_Sorry to disappoint you, but Shikamaru and I are both taken, and we have no desire to die in the manner(s) described. I'm glad to hear that you're all still in the game and I wish you luck on your new team, The Iwagakure-Four, isn't it? I've heard you've racked up some pretty impressive scores so far. We all lucked out, getting a free life, and you really should just take time to enjoy it, otherwise, what's the point?_

_Say hi to everyone for me, _

_Love and kisses,_

_Kidoumaru_

_P.S. Shikamaru says hi and wants you to clean up your mouth, troublesome foul-mouthed little girl. Cursing is unlady-like. Don't blame me! His words, not mine!_

Three days later, "_Unlady-like!_ Those #! stupid #! little #! I'll #! kill their stupid #!... Too #! stupid to recognize a #! threat #! Just trying to #! me off!"Jirobou looked over her shoulder at the note. "Hey, guys," Jirobou shouted, "Kidoumaru says hi and he's glad we're alive!" "You stupid fat #! who cares what that #! traitor says!?" Jirobou sighed"That Shikamaru guy's right you know, Tayuya, cussing isn't very lady-like..." Several seconds later a large form flew through the nearby wall, followed by a stream of curses... "That's not very lady-like either Tayuya... and it hurt..."

To be continued...


	14. Chapter 14

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 14

"You _what_!?" Temari reeled in shock, _No, he couldn't be that stupid, could he?_ "I asked Hana to marry me! And she said yes!" Kankurou was beside himself with excitement. "Kankurou... I... What?" Kankurou looked at his older sister curiously, "I know what you're thinking, but it can work out! If I need to I'll move to Konoha! " Temari sighed loudly, _A routine mission he says, just sign a trade treaty , he says. Now he's getting a sister-in-law! What's Gaara going to say when he finds out? _"She's older than you are." "I'm twenty, she's 's not like I'm twelve or something... I never criticized you for dating Shikamaru, and he's younger than I am! He's seventeen, you're twenty-two! I might joke about you two, but I'd_ never_ try to break you up!"Temari shook her head wearily, "I'm not trying to break you up, I just want you to know what this would mean. If you married Hana, either you or she would have to leave your village and travel to another. If not, you'd be married to someone who's living in another country. You have duties in Sun, and she has responsibilities here in Konoha..." "Like I said, if I have to, I'll move here, no matter what you say, and no matter what Gaara says!"And with that he stormed out.

Sasuke walked into the warm Konoha sunshine, finally free of that pervert Karin and the various idiots who kept coming to 'cheer' him up. _If I ever see a hospital again, it will be too soon._ He walked slowly toward home, checking over his shoulder constantly to make sure Karin wasn't waiting to strike. Or worse, Ino or Sakura looking for more revenge. He shook his head. He noticed that the girls still looked at him on the street, but rather than lust in their eyes, he saw only disgust.

_Yamanaka Ino, Today is the first day of the rest of your life._ Ino put up her hair in it's usual style, and sighed, _You can do much better, Ino. It's good you found out what Sasuke was, before it really was too late..._ She pushed back he tears, _There are a lot of men out there, men, not things like Sasuke... I wasted so many years chasing him, fighting over him, almost losing my best friend for him. I... _She looked at her hair,_ My hair really does look like that picture I saw of that Deidara guy. _She took out the ties and shook her hair loose,_ I know, that whole Neji look, it worked on that Oto girl, Kin... _She looked at her long, straight hair and picked up a comb,_ That does look good. Let's see, unattached guys, there's Sai, he's hot, but the whole, "I don't have emotions thing" could be a problem, even if he did help me out. Neji is stuck-up, Chouji... I promised long ago never to date anyone on my team, Sai's brother, what's-his-name, Suigetsu? He's cute, but he seems a bit... Insane. Dangerously insane. Rock Lee...? Not my type! That's cruel and shallow, I guess, but it's true, I couldn't look at him that way, Kankurou? Oh, right, he's with Hana, that lucky dog, Shino...Ever since he blew that Zaku kid's arms off, I don't much want to be around those bugs of his, much less live with them._ She thought for a moment, _ Hmmm, Zaku...? Nah, he's only fourteen, I'm seventeen, technically, he's Nineteen, but the five years he was dead don't count, besides, he lives a long way from Konoha... I wonder if I should warn that Karin girl about Sasuke? She's probably so blinded by his looks she wouldn't believe it, or wouldn't want to... I don't really like her, but nobody deserves something like Sasuke did to me._ She pulled on a pair of bright red sandals, _I'll tell her anyway. After that it's up to her._

"Ino?" "Yeah, dad?" Inoichi stuck his head through the door to Ino's room, "Are you alright? I know that you're..." "I'm just planning the rest of my life. I've made up my mind, that... _Filth_ isn't worth crying over. There are plenty of guys out there." Inoichi smiled, but she could see that he was hurt by her pain. "Where are you going today?" "I'm meeting up with Sakura, Hinata and Tenten. We're going out to eat, and then maybe going to see a movie or something." Inoichi smiled again, "You changed your hair. It looks nice." "Thanks. It's about time I changed it..." "You know, if you ever need to talk with someone, I'm here." "I know." She kissed him on the cheek and rushed out to meet her friends. Inoichi stood watching her for a moment, with his fists clenched._ You broke my daughter's heart, Uchiha Sasuke, and I'll never forgive you._ He stepped onto the street, and headed toward the Hokage's tower.

Obito waved at Sasuke as he passed by, he shouted something, but Sasuke ignored him. He walked a few more steps, then tripped over a cat and fell face first into the ground. "Obito tried to tell you, watch out for the cat!" He rushed over and helped the younger Uchiha up, then turned and picked up his cat. "Don't you hate me like everyone else?" Sasuke asked. "Obito doesn't hate you, but maybe that's cause Obito is a _'half-wit'_." He put special emphasis on the last term, "You did something very bad, but we all do bad things from time to time. Don't do it again, it makes the Uchiha name look bad." Sasuke flinched at that, _I've worked for years to restore my clan's honor, and_ _I do something out of petty spite that disgraces the clan? What happened to me? Am I really like... Just like him... Just like Itachi?_

To be continued...


	15. Chapter 15

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 15

"Oh, come on! Lee's not _that_ bad! He's actually very nice!" "Tenten, he's just not my type." Tenten leaned forward, deep in thought, but it was Hinata that spoke up. "W-w-w-well, w-w-w-what about N-Neji?" Ino shook her head, "No offense, but he's a bit... Stuck-up." Sakura laughed at that, "So are you." "I know, that's why we wouldn't work!" Everyone laughed at that. "Ino, don't you think it's a bit too soon to be looking for a guy?" "No, I need to make up for all the time I wasted on..._ Him_." Sakura scratched her head, "How old do you think Obito-san is?" "He's about thirty... He's Kakashi-Sensei's age." "Woah! You'd never know it..." Hinata put her chin in her palm, "D-d-d-don't just rush into something, g-g-g-get information about different guys and then f-f-f-find one you like."

"I know that you're upset, Inoichi, and I don't blame you, but what can I do? Banish him?" Tsunade finished off another bottle of Sake and reached for a new one. "He used my daughter, preyed on her feelings..." "I'm not saying what he did wasn't wrong, it's just outside of government jurisdiction. For some reason, there's no law against treating someone badly." "What about _Intentional Infliction of Mental Distress?_" "That would work, but it's not a jail-able offense." "I don't care, fine him, arrest him, shoot him, I just want him to pay!" Inoichi slammed his fist against the Hokage's desk and stormed out. "Sasuke... You really have a way with people..." Tsunade took a deep swig of Sake. "Maybe he could use some adult supervision... Ibiki could have straightened him out, but torture is a bit extreme... "

_This is crazy! These kids are everywhere!_ Kidoumaru crouched deep within the branches of the tree, looking out for those Genin brats, _Why do I keep agreeing to this?_ He stilled as a trio of kids walked right under him, _Yeah, they're in for long, healthy lives as ninja... They don't even know I'm right above them, if I was playing for real... _He spat his web and caught all three at the same time, then dropped right in front of them, "And you're _out_! Some advice, always keep an eye out, attacking from above is one of the most basic moves in the game." He smirked, "And don't walk so close together, it's easy to get you all at once like that. Don't worry, I'll be back for you later." He rushed off, leaving the Genin team cursing behind him. Konohamaru's team arrived right after Kidoumaru left, "He went that way!" One of the captured Genin yelled and pointed in the direction Kidoumaru had gone. Kidoumaru watched from the bushes as Konohamaru and the others rushed off, in the _wrong_ direction. _Never trust your eyes... Eyes can deceive._ He rushed off,_ Pathetic, these kids won't make it through the exam's written test, much less the actual combat!_ He suddenly ground to a stop, "Very impressive, I thought you'd be chasing false leads all the way to Iwagakure!" Konohamaru smiled broadly, "I learned from the best! _Dattebayo!_" Kidoumaru vanished with a flash into the trees, _These kids might actually survive to become Chuunin after all._ Konohamaru wasted no time, "Udon, Moegi, let's get 'im!" And the chase was on...

Gaara looked up from his desk as Baki entered the office, "Yes?" Baki held out a piece of paper, "Message from Temari, Kazekage-Sama, it just arrived by messenger bird, and you'll want to read it right away." Gaara examined the letter, reading it carefully.

_Gaara,_

_We've run into a situation. Kankurou has proposed marriage to Inuzuka Hana, and she accepted. The wedding is in one month, here, in Konoha. He says that he would be willing to leave Suna to be with her, even if you forbid it. Please don't be angry with him, Love makes people do strange things._

_Your Sister,_

_Temari_

"I see. It's no real surprise, he's been talking about her ever since they met after he saved Kiba from those two morons. Kankurou is_ arguably_ an adult, he can do as he likes." "And what if he wishes to leave Suna with this woman?" "As I said, he's old enough to make his own decisions. If need be, I can appoint him ambassador to Konoha. He can still serve our village without being physically present." Gaara began to write a reply letter, then looked at Baki, "Baki-san, how do families usually prepare for weddings?"

To be continued...


	16. Chapter 16

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 16

He was cornered, there was no where left to run, but he wouldn't go down without a fight. Kidoumaru spun quickly and webbed Udon to the ground, but Konohamaru and Moegi were too fast, he ducked a kick from Moegi, grabbed her by the leg and threw her at Konohamaru, who caught her, and the pair rushed the former Oto-Nin, who struck them both with a web net, but they vanished, revealing a pair of logs in their stead. Kidoumaru lept as Konohamaru lunged at him, avoiding the blow as Udon vanished from the web. Udon appeared above him, striking him on top of the head, sending him stumbling forward as Moegi kicked him backwards. He fell flat on his back, with Konohamaru's foot on his chest. "Game over." Konohamaru smirked, and removed his foot. "I had no idea Uzumaki was such a great teacher," Kidoumaru sat up, rubbing his chest, "He didn't seem that impressive when we fought." "Yeah, well at least he _survived_ the fight!" "Ha ha..." Kidoumaru stood up, "I was beginning to think none of you brats could fight... You're very challenging characters..." He looked around for a moment, "Konohamaru, can I talk to you? Alone." The boy nodded his friends away, "I think I know what you want to talk about..."

The pair walked toward where Kidoumaru had left the webbed-up Genin team, talking, somewhat heatedly at times. "I know that! You didn't kill my grandfather yourself, but you didn't let anyone help him!" "If I had refused to help, if any of us had, we would have ended up like Zaku and Kin, dead...It's kinda' funny, we ended up dying anyway..." Konohamaru frowned, "Did you know_ they_ would be killed too? Did you let your_ own_ teammates walk into a _trap_?" Kidoumaru silently snarled, his three eyes burning with rage, but he managed to compose himself, "Not until it was over, though I can't say if it would have made any difference. Kin's nice enough, but I couldn't stand Zaku... At least, as he was then. He's pretty cool now... Whether I liked them or not, whether I hated doing it or not, if ordered to kill them, or _anyone_, I would have..." He shook his head sadly, "We might have been on the same team, but Orochimaru taught us all that winning the game was more important than _anything_, even our teammates, even ourselves. The way we thought, the way we believed, was if a few pawns like Zaku or Kin or myself, had to be sacrificed to take the queen, so be it. We lived and died only for Orochimaru's glory, everyone else was expendable." "Do you realize how heartless that is? Only _trash_ don't care about their teammates." Kidoumaru stopped for a moment, just staring into space, "Being a ninja means being willing to give up anything, to sacrifice everything you have and are for your master or village. It's a cold, brutal existence. No matter what you're told, being a ninja, or samurai, or any kind of soldier involves doing things that would be considered monstrous if performed in peacetime... There's no room for compassion, friendship or love. It's all about duty and following orders." Konohamaru stood silently for a moment "We've been taught not to look at the enemy as a human being, with feelings and family and people who'll miss them. Just to see an enemy ninja standing in the way of the mission." "So were we. But at least you've been taught to take care of your own..." "Would you do it now? Would you sacrifice your own teammates just because you were told to?" Kidoumaru looked at the boy, "I honestly don't know. And I hope I never find out. Here we are..." They walked into the area with the captured Genin, and Kidoumaru tore the webbing off with his bare hands, "Told ya' I'd come back." "You ever gonna teach us how to get out of those things ourselves?" "I can't give up my clan's secret techniques, besides, it's not like you're going to be running into many Chakra Webs out there. Now c'mon, we need to get back, I have a hot date tonight. And besides, I don't want Iruka-Sensei thinking I killed his precious brats and sending out an angry mob to kill me."

To be continued...


	17. Chapter 17

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 17

Kankurou stretched out on the grass. He turned to look at the others, Shikamaru was sleeping, of course, Chouji was eating, as usual, and Kidoumaru was sitting up, just staring into space. "Something wrong, Kidoumaru?" "I was just thinking of my old team. I hope that they're alright." Kankurou sat up, "I saw Sakon and Ukon on the way here, they seemed alright, other than the fact I had to knock them out, jan." Kidoumaru chuckled, "Yeah, they really aren't very forgiving. Neither is Tayuya, for that matter. Why didn't you kill them? You're from Suna, not soft Konoha, and even here people don't usually leave their enemies alive and well. Not that I want the Creep Twins dead, but it doesn't make sense..." "I don't know... I guess I figured that if they'd been brought back from the dead, who was I to argue?" Kankurou smirked, "Why don't you want revenge? Aren't you angry, jan?" Chouji listened as he chomped on his snacks, interested, "No, I don't want revenge. Neji won, I lost. If I had won, I would have killed him, so I don't blame him for not sparing me." he stood up, "The better player won." he looked at his watch, "I have to go, I'm meeting Sakura at the barbeque restaurant for a date. See you tomorrow."

_Poor Ino... I hope Sasuke burns in hell for that. It's the worst thing he's ever done._ Inner Sakura fumed, _He did all of that just to hurt Kidoumaru! He didn't even care what happened to Ino, to us._ Sakura sat on a bench outside of the restaurant, watching the birds fly across the bright blue sky,_ I hope she can find someone..._ "Hello, my beautiful Sakura." She turned to see Kidoumaru, his bright grin contrasting with his dark skin, "Hey, sexy." _Oh my God Did we just say that! _ Sakura giggled nervously, "C'mon, let's eat..." She grabbed the Spider-Nin's arm and pulled him inside. "Is Ino ..." Sakura sighed, "She's heartbroken. She's talking about putting him behind her, but... She's followed him for years, almost our entire lives, and to be treated like this..." "I'm sorry for her, but I'm glad that Sai and Suigetsu saw what happened, because if Sasuke had gotten away with this trick, you'd not only be angry with me, you'd be angry at _Ino_... And that's the_ last_ thing she needs right now." "Yeah, every time I think about how I reacted to seeing you and Ino, I just want to cry. It's shameful, it shows a lack of faith in both of you." Kidoumaru picked up a menu, "Blind faith can be a dangerous thing. Look what happened to poor Zaku..." "Do you mean I can't trust you?" "No, I'm just saying that..." He paused, trying to put it into words, "I learned early on never to take anything for granted. It's the way I was trained, the way I've lived most of my life. Never trusting anyone, and knowing that they would kill me without a thought, and that I would do the same to them... Remember that lying trash_ Kabuto_? He was always playing games with everyone, he even played Orochimaru for a pawn. He looked so innocent and kind, he even hid behind that 'Good Doctor' facade, he fooled a lot of people, even me when I first arrived." Sakura thought back to the silver-haired, bespectacled young man. He'd been so kind, timid even, but then he'd tried to murder Sasuke and played an active role in the invasion of Konoha and the murder of the Hokage... Not to mention the murders of two of his own comrades from Otogakure, Zaku and Kin. He was second only to Orochimaru himself in perverse evil. "Yeah, I remember him." She hesitated, "Would... Would you kill me without a thought?" Kidoumaru looked up from his menu, "No. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you, and I'd rather die than hurt you." Inner Sakura swooned, _That's so romantic!_

"No." "Kakashi, we need someone to do this, you know Sasuke better than the rest of us..." Kakashi looked away from the Hokage, "I'm not a probation officer! I will not take _that boy_ into _my_ house. I taught him already, and he chose not to listen, what makes you think he'll listen now?" "Don't make me order you!" Tsunade shouted "Outside of Sasuke himself there are only two Sharingan users in Konoha, and Obito is in no way capable of caring for a child! You're the only choice! "Then Sasuke's out of luck...." Tsunade tried to calm herself, "We have to try to help him..." Kakashi turned, "No,_ you _have to try! I gave up on Sasuke long ago. If you want to help him, _you_ take him!" Tsunade scowled, "So, the great Hatake Kakashi has _given up _on a student... How pathetic... What was it you told me so many times? _A ninja who doesn't care for his comrades is worse than trash?_" "All right! I'll take the brat! But if he hurts anyone else, I'll kick his sorry butt out of Konoha myself!" Tsunade smiled, "I wouldn't expect anything less, Kakashi."

To be continued...


	18. Chapter 18

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 18

"I honestly have no idea what I see in you, you good-for-nothing bum!" Temari stood over Shikamaru, who was sprawled lazily on the grass. "Well, you are good for one thing..." She picked him up by the shirt and kissed him. "Yeah, I can be useful, troublesome gir..." She shut him up with another kiss. Chouji watched in amusement as he ate his chips, "I keep waiting for her to hit him over the head with a club and drag him back to her cave!" Kankurou began to laugh wildly at the mental image of Cave Temari bashing Cave Shikamaru with a club, but stopped when a pair of strong hands lifted him to his feet. "I'm sorry, Temari! I... Hana!" Hana giggled, "I forgot my club, but who needs a club when I can do this..." She picked the muscular teenager off the ground and threw him over her shoulder. "Bye, Chouji, See ya' later." "Bye Kankurou, Hana." The Inuzuka walked off with the Puppet Master slung helplessly over her shoulder. "I guess I'll take this lazy bum off your hands, Chouji." "Sure thing." He pulled out a fresh bag of chips, "See ya' Shikamaru. You really shouldn't carry him like that, Temari, he'll expect you to carry him all the time..." "Why not? Walking can be so troublesome..." Temari carried the Lazy Ninja away, leaving Chouji alone with his snacks. More for me... I hope, when I get caught, it's by a woman who'll let me carry her around...

Hinata was surprised by the sight of a certain blonde ninja standing in her doorway, holding a bouquet of flowers. "I hope you like them Hinata..." Naruto blushed and handed them to his new girlfriend. "I l-l-l-love them!" They stood staring at the ground for a moment, "uh... Hinata, wanna' go get some Ramen?" "I'd love to!""Hmmm...And without asking me?" Hyuuga Hiashi appeared behind his daughter, much to Naruto's horror."You know, Naruto, that we Hyuuga are a very proud clan, we go back thousands of years in this village.I can't just let anyone come in and date my daughter..." Naruto's face fell, and Hinata looked like shewas about to start crying, "But I suppose the son of Namikaze Minato is worthy of that honor." Both Naruto and Hinata smiled, "I thank you, Hiashi-Sama. Dattebayo." Hiashi's eyes narrowed, "But if you do anything to my daughter like what that Uchiha did to Inoichi's daughter, no power in this world will stop me from killing you." Naruto gulped, "H-h-he w-w-wouldn't do that!" "Nevertheless, I must make sure that any boy you date gives her the proper respect due a daughter of the Main Branch of the Hyuuga Clan." Naruto flashed his famous smile, "I'll give her all kinds of respect, dattebayo!" "Then go, and be careful." "Yes sir!" Hiashi watched as his daughter walked off with the Uzumaki boy, He's a good boy, from a fine family, but he lacks refinement. Still, that's nothing we can't fix... At least she's not enamored with that Oto-Spider Whelp or, worse, that worthless Uchiha... I never thought I'd find an Oto-Nin more appealing as a son-in-law than an Uchiha, but Sasuke has disgraced his clan and dishonored the daughter of a noble house. I would rather have a vagrant for a son-in-law.

Once again, Uchiha Sasuke was asking himself the most pertinent question in his life of late, Why me? "Because it's your destiny... Or maybe just Divine Judgment." Kakashi seemed to be reading his mind. Sasuke just rolled his eyes, _Tsunade-Sama may be many things, but Divine she's not_. Obito smiled at his kinsman, "You'll be staying with us?" Kakashi sighed heavily, "Don't worry, as soon as you're back on your feet I'll take him to my apartment. I hate doing this..." "It's no trouble, Obito loves having company!" He stroked his scarred chin, "And we can have so much fun together!" He put an arm around Sasuke, who dearly wanted to die at that moment...

Sasuke sat on the floor, staring down Obito's cat, who was inexplicably named 'Bang', and losing. _Stupid cat, doesn't have enough of a brain to blink.._. Obito plopped down in front of him, picking up his cat and ending the contest. He sat stroking the cat, eyeing Sasuke with that frustratingly childish look. "Are you having fun?" "Sure he is." Kakashi walked over, "He's having the time of his life, aren't you, Sasuke?" Obito didn't wait for a reply, "We can..." There was a knock at the door, and Kakashi went to answer it, leaving Sasuke along with Obito and Bang. "Obito thinks Sasuke is not happy here..." Sasuke tried not to snort rudely, "Yeah." "It's for your own good. Obito's been listening," His voice became a whisper, "A lot of people are angry with you. Inoichi-San threatened to kill you, and most of the other people in town say he should. It's best you stay here, lay low until tempers go down." Sasuke raised an eyebrow,_ Since when does Obito make sense?_ Apparently the elder Uchiha was psychic as well, "Obito is not always so stupid...Just a little confused." He tapped his forehead, then looked up, "Kidoumaru?" Sasuke jumped a full foot off the floor, "I see you have company..." "Kidoumaru, Sasuke is Obito's guest and Obito would appreciate you not killing each other, especially not in Obito's house." As Sasuke tried to make sense of that remark, Kidoumaru reached into the bag he was carrying and pulled out a box marked Chess. "Up for a game, Sempai?" "Would Sasuke like to...? "No, I'll just watch." Kidoumaru was obviously not too troubled by that...

Sasuke watched in disbelief as the two played, Kidoumaru was a genius in strategy and gaming, but Obito, brain-damaged, simple Obito, was holding him him at bay with expert moves. Sasuke was watching two masters at play, and, when he briefly tore his eyes away from the game, he noticed that Kakashi looked stunned as well. _Well, it seems that Uncle Obito has many secrets._

To Be Continued . . .


	19. Chapter 19

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 19

Hana dropped Kankurou onto her living room couch, then snatched his hat away, "I understand tradition and all, but you look so much better without this..." She ran a hand through his soft brown hair, "You do have very nice hair..." "Thanks..." Before he could react she reached down and snatched off his shirt, pulling it over his head with one swift motion. "WHAT THE HELL!" "Don't worry, the rest can wait until our honeymoon..." She stood back, admiring his physique. Kankurou crossed his arms over his bare chest protectively, blushing. Hana giggled, "You dress in such heavy, baggy clothes, most people wouldn't believe you had such a nice body." Kankurou blushed even harder at that. Before he knew it, Hana was holding him tightly against her, "If Kiba saw this, he'd kill me..." "Don't worry, I can handle Kiba."

Kidoumaru walked quietly home through the soft twilight. _I can't believe that Sasuke is staying with Obito. If he does anything to hurt Obito, I'll kill him with my bare hands_. He scratched the back of his head, a nervous habit. Most people were already at home, and the deserted streets were dark and menacing. "Kidoumaru!" He turned to see a familiar face, "KIN!? How did you get into Konoha?" Kin smiled, "I'm a ninja, remember?" "Are you crazy! If you're caught, even in Konoha, you'd be..." "Tortured? I guess I'll have to keep from getting caught." He grabbed her hand and pulled her into a nearby building, one of the abandoned Uchiha homes, no doubt, kicking the front door open and rushing into the darkened home. "What in the hell could make you come here? Have you lost your mind!" "Probably, I was the only one they figured could get in, being so small and, according to Jirobou, 'innocent- looking'. Plus, I know my way around better." She sat down, "I was sent here to check on you..." "I'm fine, but you need to go... I don't want you getting caught." Kin smiled, "Thanks, but 'm here for something else, too." "I won't give out any information..." Kin shook her head, "If you'd just let me finish, I'd tell you," She reached into her senbon pouch and pulled out a small book, "I believe this is ours." Kidoumaru took it and looked it over carefully, then opened it. "Yes, but... You came here to give me his? This isn't worth your life!" "We found it while looting one of that snake's old places, figured you'd want it back." he frowned, "And what am I to do in return?" "You don't trust anyone, do you?" Kidouamaru nodded, "And neither should you, remember Orochi..." Kin shook violently, obviously death was no more a pleasant memory to her than to Zaku. "I'm sorry, it's just, none of us were exactly friends before..." "Some of us were..." She suddenly looked very tired, "Just take the stupid thing already." He held the book close. "Thank you." He turned to Kin, but she was gone.

Back in his room, Kidoumaru opened the book and lay back, turning the pages, reading. All of his thoughts and plans and dreams over the fifteen years he'd been alive were written in this journal. _Never thought I'd see you again..._ He opened to the most important page, the photograph, the only thing he had left of his family. _Why would they do this for me?_

Kin slipped past the guards as if they had been sleeping. _I'm surprised we just didn't walk in and take Konoha instead of all those stupid tricks that Orochimaru tried to pull off... Idiot..._ She slipped into the forest, _Just a slight detour_, she told herself, _I want to see Zaku again... _

To Be Continued . . .


	20. Chapter 20

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 20

"Kidoumaru, is something wrong? You seem distracted..." Kidoumaru turned to Shikamaru, "I'm fine. I'm just thinking of some people." "Old friends?" "Yeah." They were walking through the crowded streets of Konoha, aimlessly, as far as Kidoumaru could tell, but he'd been listening to the conversations around him. There was no rumor of any Oto Kunoichi captured, or even seen, last night. He gave a sigh of relief. He'd also noticed that public glares and whispered complaints about his own presence had seemed to fade away ever since the incident with Sasuke, now the vast majority of hateful expressions were directed toward the Uchiha. "So, are you going to run off with Temari again?" Shikamaru blushed, "Maybe, what's with all the questions, troublesome busybody?" they turned onto an empty street, "Why was Kin here last night?" Kidoumaru stopped abruptly, "HOW!?" Shikamaru smiled, "Don't worry, she got away. As for _how_, I live in the shadows... That and I was on my way home from Temari's apartment and saw you." Kidoumaru was shocked, _I thought... How could he hide... _"Don't worry, I won't tell the Troublesome Old Woman, though I doubt she'd be too upset." Kidoumaru sighed, "S-she gave me this..." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small journal. 'It has the only picture I have of my parents inside." "You know, if Tsunade knew that you had a journal that, from the looks of it, you've had for years, she'd want to read it, to see if she could learn anything new about Orochimaru and his organization. But since he's dead, I guess she doesn't need to know, does she?" He smiled slightly, Kidoumaru smiled back, "No, no she doesn't." he slid the book back into his pocket, "Thank you." "For what?" Shikamaru started walking again, "I didn't see anything..."

Abumi Zaku opened the front door of the Naraku house to a surprise visitor, Tsuchi Kin. "Are you going to invite me in?" Zaku moved aside and allowed Kin entry, "Wh-Why did you come all the way here?" "To see you." Kin smiled, "You look well, the last time I saw you..." Zaku grinned and ran his fingers through his messy black hair, "I looked like hell? Yeah, I been pretty well treated here...It..You know... It still hurts, what happened...to us, but I'm getting some therapy. And some medication...What about you? You look pretty good yourself." He led her to the couch, Mizuki and Eiji were both out, but he was sure they wouldn't mind Kin's presence. "Well, not long before everything fell apart, Dosu, Tayuya, Jirobou and I left for Iwagakure. We've been working as ninja there ever since, it's alright, paradise compared to Otogakure. Sakon and Ukon didn't come, but they're alive too, still free, I hear." 'Why did you leave?" Kin's expression fell a little, "Kabuto. The freak came back and he had Oro... The Snake's ring, they had to let him join Akatsuki." "Kabuto? He's still alive! that filthy..." "Yeah, last I heard he's still alive. You heard about Kidoumaru?" Zaku leaned forward, "I heard he defected to Konohagakure." "Yeah, he kept Hidan and Tayuya from killing somebody, I think it was that lazy shadow dork I fought in the exams, and helped him escape. Well, they weren't too happy and tortured him, and the guy came back and rescued him!" Zaku nodded, "And they let him live in Konoha?" "Yeah, I just saw him a few days ago, just walking down the streets like he owned the place." Zaku's eyes widened, "You were in Konoha!" "Yeah, I came to see Kido, and give him something that belonged to him. Would you believe he was actually worried about me?" "If you'd been caught..." Kin leaned in closer to Zaku, "That's just what he said, but, as you can see... I'm still very much alive." Zaku's eyes widened even further at the closeness, "Kin?" "It's good to see you again, Zaku, I missed you. We kinda have a special bond, I think, since we both... You know... I hate that Snake with every fiber of my being." "So do I." Kin leaned all the way forward and kissed Zaku on the lips, "I've wanted to do that for a long time." Zaku blushed red, "So have I." He gasped, and kissed her right back.

To Be Continued . . .


	21. Chapter 21

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 21

Mizuki walked into the Naraku home carrying a large bag of groceries, "Hey, Zaku, are you still here?" He set the bag on the table in the dining room/kitchen, and turned to see Zaku and a girl about Zaku's age with long black hair, "Hi." "Mizuki, this is Kin." "Nice to meet you." He snickered a bit, "You little dog you! I didn't know you had a girlfriend!... Wait, Kin...?" "Yeah, my old teammate, Tsuchi Kin." Mizuki held out a friendly hand, "I'm Mizuki, Touji Mizuki. It's good to finally meet you." Kin looked smug, "Oh, so he's been telling you about me?" "Are you kidding? He's always talking about his teammates, especially a certain pretty Kunoichi..." "She doesn't have red hair, does she?" Zaku blushed deeply, 'Are you kidding, I'd date Dosu before going with that foul-mouthed freak!" Mizuki grinned widely, "I hope you two weren't up to anything..." "Shut-up!" He laughed, "Dinner will be ready in about an hour... You're welcome to stay, Kin." "I think I'd like that..."

Nara Yoshino picked her husband's deer-fur cloak, which he had so thoughtfully deposited on the living room floor. "What did I ever see in that man? I hope Temari doesn't think Shikamaru's gonna change, or else she's in for a rude awakening." She walked past her sleeping husband, drunk again!? and into the hallway, where she deposited the smelly garment in the hamper. "I swear, if I set that man on fire he'd reach for a drink and take a nap before trying to put himself out!" The back door opened, and, judging from the energetic footsteps, it was obviously Kidoumaru, "Good day, Kidoumaru?" He walked into the living room, "Great day," he smiled,"Those Genin are fast learners, they might even have a chance..." Yoshino couldn't help herself, she had to hear someone say it, "Aren't you tired?" "Nah, I'm pumped up!" _Thank God! A non-lazy man in the house! I'd forgotten they even existed!_ "Are you all right?" Kidoumaru looked a bit concerned, "Oh, I'm fine, it's just the men around here are so lazy, it's shocking to meet one so energetic." He grinned scratched the back of his head, "I guess it would get annoying." "Yes, very... Troublesome." She laughed loudly, "Dinner will be ready once I finish up in here." "I'll cook, I cooked all the time back in Oto..." Yoshino nearly fainted... _This boy... He's...offering to cook! I can't get Shikamaru to even carry groceries without threatening him! Maybe I should send Shika to Otogakure to learn some manners!_ "I-I couldn't... You're our guest..." "I enjoy cooking, I just need a quick shower and I'll... Yoshino-san!" The poor woman had fainted dead away.

_What's that... Someone's cooking...?_ Yoshino awoke on the living room couch, realizing that someone other than herself was cooking, and it smelled darn good too, she jumped to her feet and rushed into the kitchen, where Kidoumaru was busy cutting vegetables, cooking beef strips in a wok, and making tea,all at the same time... "Oh, you're up! You really scared me for a moment there, fainting... I think you might be working too hard..." he turned to the stunned woman, "I hope you don't mind, I thought some stir fry would be nice..." "N-No, It's fine. Thank you." "Maybe you should sit down for a while, fainting spells can be dangerous..." She nodded dumbly and went back into the living room, giving her still sleeping husband an ugly glare before sitting wearily on the couch, _When you wake up, I'm making you clean up, Kidoumaru does enough work around here, it's about time you did!_ She turned as Shikamaru entered the house, "Hey mom, what's for dinner?" She eyed him strangely, "A heaping plate of hard work." "What!?" His eyes widened, "You go help Kidoumaru in the kitchen, and I mean_ help_! He's done too many chores around here himself!" Shikamaru was horrified, "But mom!" "No 'buts' or I'll kick yours! You're lucky, I'm making your worthless dad wash clothes when he gets up!" "Yes, mom..." He certainly didn't want to wash clothes, so he went into the kitchen, mumbling... "That Troublesome Hard-Working Kid, givin' mom ideas..."

Several hours later,

Ino sat with her chin in her palm, taking a not-so-discreet look at the various boys who'd wandered into the Ichiraku. "Well?" Tenten asked impatiently, "I think I'll ask..." She grinned evilly, "_Kiba_." Tenten clenched her fists, "Don't even joke about _my_ Kiba!" Ino rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, like I wanna smell like wet dog for the rest of my life..." "Kiba doesn't smell! Well, not too much..." Sakura grinned, "I know who'd be perfect for you..." "Rock Lee," Kidoumaru's voice chimed in, "He's a great guy, loyal, honest, devoted..." He leaned over and kissed Sakura on the head,"You sound like you want him!" Sakura huffed in mock rage, Kidoumaru backed up with all of his hands out, "No way, I don't play _that_ particular game..." Ino groaned and set her head on the counter, "Why does everyone want me to date Rock Lee? I keep telling you he's not my type! "Why are you talking about me?" Rock Lee stuck his head into the booth, He smiled, blinding everyone inside, "I would be honored to date you, Ino!" Ino looked at him in disbelief, "I thought you wanted Sakura?" "Yes, but Sakura is now taken by a Youthful admirer, so I must look for another strong, beautiful woman!" "Beautiful? Not like when Sai calls me 'beautiful', but beautiful, beautiful?" Rock Lee sat beside the Yamanaka, "Very beautiful beautiful..." He kissed her hand.

To Be Continued . . .


	22. Chapter 22

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 22

Eiji was, not surprisingly, pleasantly surprised to see Kin when he returned home, after all, he'd met her briefly during his late brother's visit with Orochimaru in Otogakure about seven years before. Kin was incredibly surprised to learn that Zaku had been the one to destroy the Avatar of Jashin. The Zaku she'd known before, little braggart that he was, would have been proclaiming his achievement to the heavens, but this 'new' Zaku hadn't even mentioned it...Of course, he didn't need to, Eiji was more than happy to tell the story, in his own convoluted fashion, "So then Zaku yelled, "When you see Orochimaru in hell, tell him, Zaku said, Bleep you!, of course, he didn't say 'bleep', but I don't particularly want to use his exact words, anyway, he blasted Jashin with his Zankuuha, cut him all to pieces and sliced his head like a watermelon! As you can imagine, Jashin wasn't moving anymore after that! And then Iruka used a fire jutsu to burn the corpse, but the roof started to come down, no, it wasn't just the roof, it was half the mountain! So we had to run for our lives..." Kin laughed, "I wonder if he got the message?" She turned to Zaku, "Is that really how it happened?" Eiji looked offended, "Are you questioning my veracity?" Kin giggled, "I don't know if you can have kids, I was asking if it happened the way you said!" Mizuki, briefly resumed being a teacher, "Veracity means truth-fullness, Virility means... Well, being able to have kids..." Zaku laughed now, "It's all true, except the part where I single-handedly wrestled Jashin to the ground, despite having a broken arm and being blinded by his dark magic..." Eiji huffed, "It's called 'Artistic License', every great myth involves a little... Embellishment." Mizuki spoke up, "I have to say it was exciting enough without embellishment." "Besides, if not for Eiji I wouldn't have lived long enough to get in, he actually had to... Oh..." Zaku looked away, and Kin looked confused, "What?" Eiji spoke softly, "I had to kill Eiichiro, he was going to kill Zaku. I had no choice." Kin gasped in shock, _Eiichiro, Eiji's brother Eiichiro? He killed his own brother to save Zaku! _"I'm sorry..." Eiji smiled thinly, "I hope that, given the chance, I'd do it all again... I let him kill so many people, it was something that had to be done." Zaku hung his head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." Eiji ruffled his hair, "It was worth it."

Sasuke was sure he'd fallen into hell, it was like some weird and horrible alternate universe where all the girls hated him, all the girls except, this being hell, Karin. Sakura was dating Kidoumaru of Otogakure, and he was scrubbing toilets and cleaning that miserable cat's litterbox... The only friends he seemed to have left were Naruto, an annoying wretch, Rock Lee, an even more annoying wretch, and his long-lost uncle, Obito, whose mind hadn't quite come back with him... Oh yeah, there was his 'guardian'... That slave-driver Kakashi was bound and determined to break him! _Okay, so I was cruel to Ino, but should I suffer forever because of that?_ Kakashi walked into the room, "Yo, delinquent, We're going to the acadamy, and you're going to scrub all of the bathrooms clean. Understand?" Sasuke growled, "Yes, _master_." Kakashi seemed to be smiling under that mask, "It's good you finally understand our relationship..."

"So, how was your date with Rock Lee? Tell me everything!" "Back off, forehead girl!" Ino shouted, "Oooh, possessive are we? He must be some kisser, all of that Youthful strength no doubt!" Sakura teased, 'For your information, Lee was a perfect gentleman! How was your date with Kidoumauru?" "Wonderful... He's so..." "Sexy?" Ino offered. "No! I mean, Yes! But he's sweet and funny and just a little dangerous... It's hard to believe he was once our enemy." "Yeah, enemies are friends and friends are enemies..."

Kankurou read the letter again;

_Dear Brother,_

_Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, I hope to be able to attend, if my duty permits me to do so._

_I wanted to inform you that I have no opposition to this endeavor, and if you wish to remain in Konoha,_

_I can appoint you to a permanant post as Ambassador for Sunagakure, though I do hope that you will visit_

_from time to time, as my own duties will present little time for travel. Temari, you will remain in Konoha_

_as well to aid Kankurou in organizing this event. If you also wish to wed, (I am not so thick as to be _

_unaware of your feelings for Shikamaru.), Please inform me, as I will need time to determine how to replace_

_you, unless you wish to return._

_Your loving brother,_

_Gaara,_

_Sandaime Kazekage of Sunagakure_

"Hey Temari, when are you going to make a decent man out of Shikamaru?" "Stuff it, Puppet Boy!"

To be continued...


	23. Chapter 23

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 23

It was cruel, it was terribly cruel, but Shikamaru really wanted to do this. It was revenge, after all. He broke the Seal that cut off his enemy from the outside world, and stepped inside Hidan's cell. Hidan's severed head glared at him in unspeakable rage."What the #! are you doing here you #! little #!" Shikamaru smiled, "So, you are still alive." "No #! you stupid #! I'm #! immortal!" Shikamaru shrugged, "Well, that didn't help the others..." "Others! What #! others?" "Oh, that's right, you didn't hear, The Five High Priests of Jashin are dead, in fact, _Jashin is dead_... I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not." "You're lying! Jashin is a god, he can't die!" "When he took a fleshly Avatar he became vulnerable. He was killed by a child..." Hidan's eyes widened, "You lie!" Shikamaru leaned towards the head, "His temple is in ruins, all of his priests are dead, and Jashin himself was cut to pieces by Zaku's Zankuuhna" "Abumi #! Zaku? Now I #! know you're #! lying! That #! kid couldn't defeat a #! paper bag" Shikamaru leaned casually against the wall, "Think about it... Invisible Blade, _cutting waves of pressurized air..._" Hidan was quiet, for once. "But... Eiichiro and I...We brought Zaku back..." Shikamaru laughed, "I know, ironic, isn't it?" Shikamaru walked out of the cell and restored the Seal, Hidan's anguished screams echoing behind him.

"I understand chasing girls, but my sister!?" Kiba was sitting cross legged on the grass, with a somewhat nervous Kankurou. "Of course you don't understand, because she's your sister, if you did, it would be pretty freaky, jan." He could have swore Akamaru laughed at that, "You're not taking her to Suna" "Look kid, I'm gonna' be living here, Hana won't have to move, because I will, jan." Kiba snickered, "She's already got you whipped!" He started laughing, "Next you'll be on a leash! You'll end up like Shikato-san!" Kankurou growled, "I'll never be like that lazy bum!" "Yeah, you'll be doing all the chores! I can see it now, Hana will have you in a frilly apron baking cookies" Kankurou scowled, but he couldn't help it, he started laughing...

Inside the Inuzuka Veterinary Office, Hana and Temari were talking as well, "My little brother, getting married... You know he hates kids, right?" Hana nodded,"He doesn't hate them that much. I think he'll be a great father." Temari laughed, "Does Kankurou know about this?" "Yes, but that can wait." "So, have you broken him yet?" Hana looked up in confusion, "Broken him?" Temari grinned evilly, "You know, is he whipped? Wrapped around your finger? Does he know who's in charge?" Hana was shocked, "You want me to dominate your brother!?" "It worked with Shikamaru, though I still have a ways to go before I break his lazy streak" Hana laughed so loudly passerby on the street stared blankly at the Vet's office. "You'll never break a Nara boy of laziness. If a tough woman like Yoshino couldn't break a drunk bum like Shikato, you'll never break Shika." Temari glared at the Inuzuka, "Are you saying I'm not a tough woman?!" "No. Judging from Kankurou's obvious terror of women, I'd say you're probably a real tough bitch, you'd make an excellent Inuzuka." "Coming from an Inuzuka, I guess that was a compliment...Terror huh?" Hana smiled, "I'm not gonna' break Kankurou, he's fine as he is...In fact, he could use more self-confidence."

"I'll be right back, Lee." Kidoumaru turned aside from his two-hundred lap run around Konoha with Lee and Gai to speak to the man who'd motioned him over, "Iruka-Sensei?" "I'm sorry to interrupt your run, Kidoumaru, but I've been talking with some of the other instructors," And the parents don't want a Oto-Freak around their precious brats, right? "And we were thinking... How would you like to become an Assistant Instructor? The pay's not much, but . . ." he was cut off by a crushing six-armed bear-hug. "You'd trust me that much?!" Iruka tried to pry him off, "Yes, the students are really progressing with your help, and they actually like you." "B-but what about the parents? Aren't they worried about a foreign nin being around their children" Iruka, finally free, put an arm around the boy's shoulder, "A few will, but it's nothing compared to how they reacted when I let Naruto attend classes, and look how he turned out." "He's a future Hokage, Dattebayo!"

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" Kin and Zaku were sitting on the roof of the Naraku house, staring up into the night sky, "Yeah." "Are you sure you're Abumi Zaku?" Zaku turned and looked at Kin, "What do you mean?" "Well, you're quiet, polite, sweet... Nothing like Zaku." "Yeah, Abumi Zaku, The Arrogant, Hyperactive Windbag of Otogakure... I guess finding out I was just an unloved, disposable pawn in a sick game, being murdered by the man I viewed as a father and then raised from the dead by an evil organization made me reconsider my attitude." Kin sat her head upon his right shoulder, "Who said you were unloved? Even back then, you had people who loved you, including a certain Kunoichi..." "Tayuya?" Kin hit him in the arm, "No you dope, me!" he smiled and pulled her close, "I missed you so much, Kin. Wanna' suck face?" "How poetic..." After that it was all kissing...

To Be Continued . . .


	24. Chapter 24

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 24

Zaku stretched and yawned, blinking in the morning sunlight. _He sat up and looked around, Why am I on the roof?_ Kin was a few feet away, fast asleep, sunlight illuminating her pretty face. Zaku scratched his head thoughtfully, _Man she's cute... I can't believe me and Dosu were going to kill her when that blonde chick took over her body in the Forest of Death..._ Kin stirred, blinking in the light, she turned and looked wide-eyed at Zaku, "OH NO WE DIDN'T...!" Zaku stared for a moment, slack-jawed, "What? Oh...OH! Nothing happened!" Kin stood up, "Well...Er...That's good..." Another awkward moment later, "So, I guess you have to... Go back soon... Not that I want you to..." "I have a new life, Zaku, we both do... You have a family now, and I..." Zaku turned away, "Yeah, I know." Mizuki stood silently on the ground nearby, he'd come out to call the kids in to breakfast, but he immediately knew they needed some time...

Kidoumaru got out of the shower and put on a pair of clean slacks and a black t-shirt. He stood in front of the mirror, combed his hair and put it into a neat pineapple, and smiled, _Not bad, Kido..._ He slipped downstairs to the kitchen, and found Yoshino finishing up making breakfast. "Good morning, Yoshino-San." She turned and smiled, "Good morning, Kidoumaru, you might as well eat now, because the other guys won't be up for a while." Kidoumaru grinned, "AS usual." Kidoumaru fixed himself a plate, "So, when do you start at the Academy?" "Monday." He sat at the table and Yoshino joined him, "I'm pretty happy, but I'm worried that some of the parents will be upset about having me around their kids. I can't really blame them, I'm not just a foreign ninja, I'm a former Oto-Nin, a high ranking Oto-Nin, one of the Oto-Five, a personal bodyguard of Orochimaru." "You were, that was the past. I'm sure most people will accept you in time, once they get to know you, but some people will always hate and fear people who are different, you can't let that affect you." "Thanks... mom." He paused, waiting to see what her reaction would be to that bold statement, she simply smiled, "I guess I am. And I'm glad you think of me that way, I'm honored... I'm sorry I saddled you with such a lousy father, though." "Believe me, he could be a_ lot_ worse..."

"Lee, Wait!" Ino was panting heavily,_ Why does he have to run everywhere? I guess with his crazy training schedule, he has to so that he's not late_. Lee jogged backwards to Ino, "Yes?" "You're too fast for me..." "My deepest apologies!" He smiled and gave a thumbs up, "From now on I shall keep pace with you!" "Thanks." A few minutes later, they arrived at the Kitsune No Kawaii, the ice-cream parlor seemed poorly named for a business in a town that had been ravaged by the Nine-Tailed Fox Demon a mere seventeen years before, but people enjoyed the treats so much, the complaining was kept a minimum. Ino had often wondered why people were more receptive to an ice-cream parlor than they were a certain blonde-haired knucklehead, but chocked it down to mass idiocy. "Rocky Road! Three Youthful Scoops!" Lee shouted, and turned to Ino, "What would you like?" "I'll have a neopolitan, two scoops." After paying, (Rock Lee bought Ino's ice-cream) They sat under a small tree to enjoy the treats. Suddenly, Lee screamed. "What's wrong!" "A MOST UN-YOUTHFUL BRAIN-FREEZE!"

"Mmmmm... So, you're here for at least another month, eh Troublesome Girlfriend?" Temari moaned dramatically, "Another month of torture!" Shikamaru gazed lazily at the Suna Kunoichi, "I hope Kankurou hasn't given you any funny ideas..." "HA! Like I'd hitch myself to a shiftless bum like you!" "Like I'd want a loud-mouth, troublesome woman keeping me like a whipped dog..." "That's it! Big mistake, lazy bones." She grabbed Shika and threw him across her knees, "OH CRAP! You wouldn't!" Temari grinned like the Devil himself, "Oh, yeah?" WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "Try sitting around all day now!" WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "AHHHH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Temari grinned and let him up. _Stupid boy, I've had you whipped for a long time..._

To Be Continued . . .


	25. Chapter 25

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 24

"Where the #! is Kin! She was #! supposed to be back by #! now!" Tayuya was in a mood... But then, she was always in a mood. "You don't think she captured, do you?" Jirobou fidgeted, "Do you think the people in Konoha would torture a fourteen-year old girl?" "They're just like #! everybody else, they'd torture a #! infant if they thought it would get them information! The #!" "If she'd been captured, we'd of heard of it by now." Dosu stated calmly, "I know Kin, she wouldn't be captured without a major battle...And I also think I know where she is." "Spit it out, you #! mummy!" Dosu sighed, "I don't even wear bandages anymore, didn't you notice? Anyways, Kin is probably in Grass, having a 'reunion' with Zaku." Tayuya's eyebrow shot up, "She has the #! hots for that little #! punk?" Jirobou shook his head, "Where have you been, Tayuya?" "I know the #! where my #! foots gonna' be if you don't #! shut up! you #! fat #!" Jirobou started to open his mouth and give Tayuya the 'lady' talk but Dosu wisely stuck a hand over his mouth.

"I thought Zaku and Kin seemed... Close." Eiji stared into his coffee, "I just have no idea what we can do in this situation." Mizuki took a sip of his own coffee, "It's a classic story among ninja, two people in love, but they can't be together because of their duties. Zaku doesn't really have any duties here, but he's not recovered enough to go to Iwagakure on his own, he really does need someone to take care of him, at least for now." Eiji looked up from the coffee, "I hate to say it, but this house really isn't big enough for another boarder." "I plan on moving into the city soon, you know, getting an apartment of my own. But would Kin want to live here?" "You're moving out?" Mizuki smiled, "Of course, I have to get back on my own feet. besides, I can't bum off of you forever."

"Hey, Kidoumaru! I have a letter for you." Kidoumaru took the letter from Yoshino and sat down to read it,

_Kidoumaru,_

_It's been a long time, hasn't it? I should have written sooner, but things have been pretty intense lately._

_I hear you're making a good life for yourself in Konoha, that's great! I also heard that you saved Shikamaru's life, he's a great guy. I suppose you heard about Eiichiro. It was terrible, but I'm moving on, slowly but surely. That's enough grief. Are you well? Have you made lots of friends? I've made a few good friends, Mizuki and Zaku are like brothers to me, and there are others in the village I consider friends. If you're ever around Kusagakure, come and visit. You're welcome anytime. Shikamaru knows where I live._

_Good Luck,_

_Naraku Eiji_

_P.S. Zaku says hi._

Kidoumaru lay back and read the letter again, _Knowing Zaku, I'll bet he's raising all kinds of hell._ Shikamaru walked into the living room, and gently lowered himself into a chair, wincing as he made contact. "Are you alright, Shika?" Shikamaru grimaced, "That troub... Temari... She has no sense of humor." "I don't even want to know..."

Zaku and Kin walked down the streets of Kusagakure, with Zaku pointing out the sights, "And that's the Taro, where Mizuki works. It's a pretty good restaurant, too. Maybe we can eat there later. We can keep complaining and make Mizuki have a fit!" Kin laughed, "You're joking, right?" Zaku made his best 'innocent' face, "Of course... Or am I...?" 'Hey, what's down there?" Kin pointed to a crowded street with lots of colorful booths. "That's where most of the shops are, wanna' see?" Kin smiled and slipped her hand around his, "I'd love to."

To Be Continued . . .


	26. Chapter 26

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 26

Sasuke was tired, bone tired, not to mention disgusted, cleaning the Academy bathrooms was torture.  
He moaned loudly, "Problem, delinquent?" Sasuke just snarled, _I'll get you for this Kakashi._ "No doubt you're thinking of revenge? The day you can get the drop on me is the day I deserve to be beaten" Sasuke suddenly hauled off and hit himself in the face, hard. "Sasuke! What the!" "It was..." "Me." Yamanaka Inoichi stepped from the shadows, "Watch this!" Inocihi formed a jutsu, and Sasuke slammed his head into the dirt, Inoichi reeled back with the blow, blood streaming down both of their foreheads, but he recovered as Sasuke struggled to get up. "STOP IT! The Hokage is punishing him! I know you're angry..." "Angry, you haven't seen angry!" Sasuke screamed as his body betrayed him, dragging him headlong into a wall. Inoichi, connected to the body he was controlling, fell, stunned by the blow. Kakashi rushed over and performed a quick jutsu, canceling Inoichi's control of Sasuke's body. He grabbed the man by his wrists and held him down, "Get out of here, Sasuke! I'll deal with this!" "Run all you want, you little #! I'll find you! I'll make you pay for what you did to Ino!" Sasuke ran as fast as his aching body could go. "STOP IT INOICHI! Do you think Ino wants to have to go visit her father in prison!?" "He desrves to die" Kakashi held the struggling, enraged Jonin tightly, "You won't help anything by killing Sasuke! You'll just cause Ino _more_ suffering!" Inoichi stopped struggling and started to sob, "He...That..." "I know," Kakashi spoke softly now, "Believe me, Sasuke is not getting off free, he's paying through his snotty little nose."

"Hey, Kin." Kin turned to see an odd expression on Zaku's face, "What is it?" He grinned broadly, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small blue box. "Take a look." She opened the box to find a pair of elegant jade earrings, "For you." "Zaku! They're beautiful." He put an arm around her shoulder, "Only the best for my girl." "_Your _girl?" Zaku returned to that old, infamous, cocky expression, "Yep." "Well," She put the earrings in, "They don't exactly go with my outfit. But who cares...They would have went with the old uniform. But if I never see another Oto uniform in my life, it'll be too soon."

After dropping a distraught Inoichi off at the hospital, and telling Ino that he'd been injured, a painful task, Kakashi found a bloodied Sasuke being tended to by a concerned Obito. "Is he going to live?" Kakashi asked in a bored tone. "Of course, he's just bruised up pretty bad." "Yeah, looks like it's not your lucky day, Kakashi." Sasuke mumbled, "You can go back to your porn. I'll be fine." "But Obito doesn't have any porn... What's a 'porn'?" Kakashi and Sasuke both laughed, "I was talking to Kakashi," He suddenly had a_ truly _evil thought, "I bet he'd be happy to explain porn to you..." Kakashi gasped in horror as Obito turned to him, eagerly waiting for his explanation, "Well... Uhh..." _I'll get you for this Uchiha Sasuke, if it's the last thing I do!_

"This is so cool!" Sakura and Kidoumaru were lying in a gigantic web, woven by the Spider-Nin himself, staring up at the stars. "I'm glad you approve, it's hard work making a web this size." He slid a little closer to Sakura, "So, basically were suspended on lines of pure Chakra?" "Pretty much, yeah." Sakura rose slightly, "I was wondering... Your third eye, Neji said it was something you could utilize because of your Cursed Seal, but you don't have your Seal anymore and still have a third eye. Do you have any idea why?" "Why, does it bother you?" 'Of course not" Kidoumaru sat up, "I don't know why... It may have something to do with the experiment that brought us back, I still have my third eye, Tayuya can still summon Oni, and, this is the weird one, Zaku can still perform his attacks." Sakura Looked at him blankly, "I don't... _Oh_ I get it, those tubes in his arms, they weren't natural, they were _implanted _by Orochimaru!" Kidoumaru nodded, "Pretty _and _smart. Zaku wasn't born with his abilities, not all of them, anyway, he has a lot of Chakra potential, but the air manipulation is due to Orochimaru's 'modifications'. I guess when they brought us back, they played around with our DNA or surgically altered us or something, so that we would be more useful than our 'natural' selves, but still at a controllable level." Sakura lay back again, "Makes sense. They wouldn't want people who were a threat to their own organization" Kidoumaru suddenly took a serious turn, "I think I finally know why they brought us back into the game, we were the _test runs_. They wanted to make sure the equipment, the processes worked perfectly, so that when their respective goals, Madara and Jashin, were ready they could be brought in without any nasty surprises"

"You mean...?" "Yeah, it wasn't anything special about us, or some act of kindness, they just combined testing their experiment with gaining new recruits." He turned towards Sakura, "_Please_, if you see any of the others, _don't_ tell them that. I don't want them to know, they've been through enough already. _Especially_ Zaku. The last thing I want them to think is that they were just_ lab rats_." Sakura nodded, "I won't."

To Be Continued . . .


	27. Chapter 27

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 27

Yamanaka Inoichi and his daughter walked through the dark streets from the hospital to their home in silence. The top of Jonin's head was wrapped in a clean white bandage, due to the injury inflicted by his attack on Sasuke. "I'm sorry, Ino." Ino smiled, "No, I'm not angry or anything. I'm glad that you stuck up for me... But like I said, he's not worth the trouble." "I just can't bear that he, that anyone, could treat you that way." Ino looked at her feet for a moment, "It hurt, it really hurt, but he's nothing. He doesn't deserve our attention. I don't care about that, I care about you, I don't want you getting hurt or being thrown in jail over someone who's worth less than garbage." She laughed, "I wish I could have seen his face though!" Inoichi smirked slightly, "He screams like a little girl..." "I hear he's terrified of mice!" "I hear he's allergic to freesia, what say we send him a nice bouquet...?"

"I... It's time I got back, the others will be wondering about me." Kin's eyes were half-closed and focused on her feet. Zaku looked out over his shoulder, toward the endless grassland, "I wish...I wish it could be different. I wish I could come with you, but apparently I'm still... Unstable." "Kin, if you're ever in Kusa, or you ever need a place to stay, you're welcome here." Kin bowed slightly, "Thank you, Eiji-San. And you too, Mizuki-San. It was nice meeting you all." "Goodbye, Zaku." Zaku was silent for a moment, then he pulled her close and kissed her, "G'bye, Kin." As Kin headed off, Zaku turned and went inside, to his room, not wanting the others to see him cry.

_I underestimated these guys the first time, this is one intense game! _Kidoumaru shifted slightly, careful not to rustle the brush he was hiding in. The kids were good, real good, he was now having to change strategy minute to minute. His mind was racing to find the next move, and he was loving every minute of it. He lept from the cover as a kunai struck the ground centimeters from his right foot. He vanished into the treetops as the kid rushed forward, and followed. It was a race now, with Kidoumaru occasionally turning back to fling another web net at the Genin, who dodged easily, and Kidoumaru had to leap to avoid a Senbon hurled in his direction, dropping to the forest floor and firing upward, finally catching his pursuer, who found himself dangling upside down. "Whoa!" Kidoumaru panted, technically, the fights were not to kill or injure an opponent, but when dealing with Kunai and similar weapons, especially in unskilled hands, the risk of injury was very high. "You nearly had me, Tonbo." Tonbo frowned, "You're a fast runner, we didn't_ actually_ fight." Kidoumaru grimaced, "Many times a ninja has to flee rather than fight, we're spies and assassins, not Samurai. Our job is to complete our mission and avoid capture, if we have to run, we run. We don't stay to fight for some moral principle or sense of pride and risk getting caught and having our secrets tortured out of us. More than our lives depend on not being captured, your whole team, your whole village could fall if if your enemies gain the right information." Kidoumaru lept aside as a large plant began to burst from the ground in the very spot he'd been standing. "Good try, Hiro, but I could feel it burrowing under me. Next time try when I'm distracted." The plants vines began whipping at him, trying to grab hold, but Kidoumaru was already out of range. He turned and lept from an approaching vine, and immediately realized his mistake.

A long vine swung from the tree above him and wrapped him tightly, he was captured. Hiro emerged from the ground, using the Leech-All-Creation technique. "You got me, good job. You saw I was distracted and set a trap." Hiro motioned and the tree bent, lowering Tonbo to the ground. Tonbo grinned, "You're lucky, if he'd used Swaying Branches, you'd be broken to pieces." Hiro turned, "And _you're_ lucky, he could have killed you about six times that I saw, and that was before you were captured. He's been holding back." He released the vine's hold on Kidoumaru, who dropped gracefully to the ground. "Thanks." He walked over and tore the webbing from Tonbo, "You noticed?" Of all the Genin, Hiro was the most... Interesting, with the powers of Zetsu and the personality of Shino, not to mention a high intelligence, he was a thoughtful, quiet, deadly ninja who preferred to be alone. "It's obvious, you're near Jonin level. If you were using your full abilities a lot of students would be dead or injured by now."_ Smart kid, smart and cold..._ Someone jumped Kidoumaru from behind, sending him sprawling. "Konohamaru! The boy grinned, "You did say to be ready, that an attack could come at any time!" "Don't remind me..." Kidoumaru stood up and dusted himself off, "You lost your high score to Hiro there, he got me first." "#!" "Don't use that kind of language, kid, especially at school." Konohamaru snorted, ''Kid'? I'm a year younger than you!" Kidoumaru grinned, "Technically, I'm twenty." "But the five years you were dead don't count!", "It makes sense, you haven't aged those five years, nor did you gain any new experiences, you're fifteen." "That's cold, Hiro... But probably true." _What happened to my body? My original body... I bet I know, they wouldn't leave a high level enemy ninja to rot, but they wouldn't give 'em a decent burial either. I bet I was dissected to find the secrets hidden within my body, the Cursed Seal, the third eye, the Chakra Web..._ "Another reason not to be captured or killed, brats, if the enemy gets a hold of you, you don't have to talk, they can cut you up to find all your Cheat Codes, all your special tricks, clan Blood Limits, etc... That's why ninja almost always burn their dead, when given the chance. Even a corpse in enemy hands can threat to everyone you care about, in some ways a dead man is even more valuable to the enemy than a live one."

To Be Continued . . .


	28. Chapter 28

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 28

"Hey! Lazy Bones! I hear Kidoumaru actually got a job!" Shikamaru closed his eyes, Troublesome Hard-Working Kid, he'll be the death of me! "I see you're not listening to me!" "I see you're right! Troublesome Girlfriend..." Temari smiled, "I take it you want another spanking?" Shikamaru jumped to attention, "Actually, I was thinking we could kiss and such..." "Not so lazy now, are you?" _I'm not whipped, I'm not whipped, I'm not..._ "Answer me, Shika..." "No ma'am..." he replied timidly. Temari smirked, satisfied, _Good boy! Your training is almost complete!_

"Where the #! were you! You stupid #! We thought you'd gotten your #! self killed! Or worse! Just so you could go #! your #! little boyfriend!?" Kin plopped down onto the couch, "Maybe I was just enjoying the peace and quiet, God knows there isn't any around here." "#!#!#!#!" "Don't say it, Jirobou." Dosu whispered, "So, how was Zaku?" "He's doing good, but he's still having some trouble dealing with... You know, what happened." "#! That #!#!#! Orochimaru, #! ruining all of our #! lives! I #! hope he #! rots in #! hell!" For once, even Jirobou had to agree with Tayuya...

"Wow, You look funny in a tux!" "You'll look even funnier as a groomsman, jan!" Kiba frowned, "I have to wear a tux!" "If you want to be in the wedding so do you!" Kankurou checked himself out in front of the full length mirror, a jet black tux, it looked right somehow, after all, black was his color. Kiba, however... "I can't wear one of those monkey-suits! I'll look ridiculous!" Kankurou didn't even look at him, "Would you rather be a bridesmaid, dog-boy, jan? You're not coming to the wedding in jeans and a mesh shirt!" Kiba scoffed at that, "Come on, like I'd wear a mesh shirt to a wedding..."

Sakura and Ino stood at the edge of the training field, watching the students practice their weapons. Kidoumaru was demonstrating the skill of archery, an unusual skill for a ninja, but one of undeniable usefulness. "He's really something, he's almost as Youthful as Lee." "Youthful? You really have been spending a lot of time with Bushy-Brows!" "Don't call him that, Forehead Girl!" Sakura turned to her old friend, "Uh-Huh! Ino's in lo-ove!" "Shut up, Baldy!" "Baldy! You Pig!" "Pig! I'll ...!" "Will you two stop fighting! You're distracting the students!" Iruka had suddenly appeared beside the girls. "Yes, Iruka-Sensei." Sakura looked out over the field to see Kidoumaru and his students snickering, _Oh God, this is so embarrassing!_ Inner Sakura hid under a mental rock...

Naruto's grin stretched across his entire face, it almost looked bigger than his head, as impossible as that was, "Oh, N-N-N-Naruto! You're so sweet!" She held the box of chocolates he'd just given her. "Not as sweet as you, dattebayo!" She leaned forward a bit and kissed him on a whiskered cheek, causing him to blush bright red. "Naruto?" The Fox-Nin turned to see a scarred man he vaguely recognized, "Obito-San?" Obito nodded, "Can Obito talk to you?" "Sure." Naruto smiled broadly, "What did you want to talk about?" Obito cocked his head slightly, "Your father. Kakashi says your father was Obito's Sensei, but Obito can't remember him well, but you look like Obito remembers he looked." "I can't remember him at all, he died when I was a baby." "Oh, Obito is sorry..." Naruto smiled, "But I can tell you everything I've heard about him." "Obito would like that." For the next two hours, Naruto told Obito everything he knew about the late Namikaze Minato, and Obito shared his few memories of Konoha's Golden Flash. It was the fractured story of a great hero who'd died young but left a great legacy in the form of his son and his students. "And one day," Naruto pointed at his chest, 'I'll be a Hokage too, dattebayo!" "Obito believes it!" Obito looked at Naruto closely, "Kakashi says Obito was a lot like Naruto... A 'real knucklehead." Naruto laughed at that, "Well, I guess I'm in good company, dattebayo!" "Why do you always say that?" "Say what?" "Dattebayo." "It shows that, whatever I say, people can _believe it_!" Naruto said proudly. "It's good to always keep your word!" "You know, I bet we are a lot alike!"

To Be Continued . . .


	29. Chapter 29

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 29

_A friendly Uchiha, I don't believe it! He's nothing like Sasuke, or Itachi, he's actually cool!_ Obito put on Naruto's walrus sleeping cap, "Obito has three eyes! And two heads!" Naruto laughed, "I've had that thing for years, I don't even remember where it came from, I think it was a gift from Iruka-Sensei." Obito took off the hat and stared into it's button eyes, "Iruka-Sensei is a good man. Kakashi says Iruka-Sensei took care of you when all the trash tried to hurt you." Naruto nodded and grinned, "That's right, he's like a father to me." Obito looked away slightly, a pained look on his face, "You must be very strong, to control Kyuubi. Obito could not control Madara, Madara controlled Obito..." I REMEMBER THIS IDIOT NOW! HE WAS THE HOST FOR THAT #! MADARA! _That's cruel, Kyuubi._ HE WAS THE ONE WHO FORCED ME TO ATTACK THIS WORTHLESS HOLE. IT'S HIS FAULT I GOT STUCK INSIDE YOU! _Madara's dead you idiot, Obito killed him!_ I KNOW THAT! IT'S STILL CRAZY, A WEAK RETARD LIKE HIM KILLING SOMEONE I COULDN'T DEFEAT! "Are you alright, Naruto?" Naruto shook his head, as if that could quiet Kyuubi. "It's nothing, that stupid fox is talking to me again." Obito's eyes widened, "You talk to him like that?! You even insult him!" "Yeah, he's a real jerk." Obito looked at Naruto in awe, _This boy tamed the Kyuubi!_ "Hey, do you like ramen?" "I love ramen!" Naruto laughed at that, "I guess we really are alike, dattebayo! I have some instant ramen, and I'm hungry! I'll make you some too!"

"What the #! are you #! freaks doing here?! Where the #! have you #! been?!" "That's none of your #! business, Tayuya." Ukon snarled, he was one of the few people who could match Tayuya's cursing and he wasn't afraid to stand up to the violent girl, which usually didn't bode well for his twin... Welcome back, Sakon, Ukon." Tayuya rolled her eyes as Jirobo stepped foreward to greet the conjoined twins. "I'm sure they can find a place for you here." "Whoop-die-#!-Do!" "Shut the #! up Tayuya!" Why don't you #! make me freak!" "Shut up, both of you!" Sakon rubbed his forehead, "All of this screaming is giving me a migraine! Ukon, if you want to fight Tayuya, get the hell out of my body first!" "Still hoping to bag her, little brother?" Ukon said mockingly, and Sakon hit his twin as Tayuya loudly and vocally voiced her displeasure with such an idea. "That's it!" Sakon forcibly pushed Ukon from his body, "You wanna' fight, do it now, I'm not dying for you!"

Zaku stared out of his bedroom window, it was a beautiful day, the grass was gleaming golden in the morning sun. Kin... Please, come back... He fell back onto his bed, another long day. There was a knock at his door, "Hey, Zaku, decent?" "Never." Mizuki snickered at that as he stepped into the room, walked over, and sat on the bed next to Zaku, "You'll see her again, I'm sure of it. Iwa is at peace with the other nations right now, so she's not likely to get any dangerous missions, and she's not really that far away..." Zaku didn't get up, he just lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, "I know, but it's like, That Snake is still screwing me over. I'm so messed up from what he did to me, I can barely take care of myself. Do you know what it's like to be helpless? If I tried to go to Iwagakure on my own, I'd probably get lost and starve..." "Nah, you'd die of dehydration or hypothermia first." He tussled the boy's black hair, "I do know what it's like to be helpless, I'm twenty-seven years old and a sixteen-year old boy saved my life and gave me a place to live, it was embarrassing, but I'm glad he did, because I needed his help and friendship to get back on my feet. You'll get back on your feet too. You've hit a bad spot, it's not your fault, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're sick, everyone gets sick in one way or another, your sickness is no different than that pneumonia I had a while back, it's just in a different place." Zaku rolled onto his side, "I know, that's what the doctor says too, and Eiji... It's just so hard. I used to strong and brave and proud, it's just hard to adjust." "You're doing better than most would do in your position, and you're still strong and brave. You faced down and killed Jashin! As for proud, everyone I've talked to who knew you before likes you a lot more as a nice kid, instead of a mean, arrogant windbag..." Zaku hit him in the face with a pillow, but he was laughing...

To Be Continued . . .


	30. Chapter 30

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 30

"Yes, Ino is a most beautiful blossom!" "If you say so, Guy-Chan." Sai didn't even look up at Rock Lee, he was busily sketching out a singularly unflattering picture of Sasuke. Rock Lee was pleased with the nickname, "I am honored! I have striven my whole life to be like Gai-Sensei!" "Well, ya got his look down." Suigetsu leaned over Sai's shoulder, "Nice pic, but Sasuke is smaller than that! I know, I've seen him..." Kankurou interrupted, "We don't want to know, Suigetsu!" He turned to Shikamaru, who was half asleep, "So, are you gonna' make it legal with Temari, jan?" "Troublesome Puppe-Boy..." Shikamaru muttered under his breath, "That's none of your concern." "It is my concern, I can't let you string my sister along forever, jan... Or is it the other way around...?" "You're one to talk, I hear Hana's already picking out a leash for you!" Kankurou narrowed his eyes, "At least Hana doesn't spank me..." All heads turned toward Shikamaru, who was blushing bright red, "She... I..." Chouji fell over laughing, "Whooo! Temari spanked Shika!?" Shikamaru opened his eyes, "Kankurou, why don't you tell them about Hana ripping your clothes off..." Now it was Kankurou's turn to blush, "It was just my shirt, I swear! Who told you...?!" "I have a great source of information, 'Kitty'..." "KIBA! I'll kill him!" Sai looked at his brother in confusion, "I do not understand this argument..." Suigetsu flashed his shark-like teeth, "They're fighting over who's more whipped." "Whipped?" "Whipped means a guy lets his woman push 'em around." Sai thought for a moment, "Like Shikato-San?" "Exactly, Yoshino-San has him so whipped he has to ask her permission to go to the bathroom!" Shikamaru looked up from his growing argument with Kankurou, "That's not true... The bathroom part anyway, but he does end up sleeping on the couch a lot... Whimp..." Sai cocked his head, "So the one who is more 'whipped' is in the less desirable position?" "You said it, bro, no man wants to be whipped!"

Zaku trudged back toward the Naraku house, both Mizuki and Eiji were still at work, and the rest of the day would probably be up to him. He sighed and looked out at the horizon, toward Iwagakure. Maybe one day... He stopped and unlocked the front door, slipping in and dropping his schoolbag on the couch. "You're in school, huh? I never pictured you as the 'school' type." Zaku whipped around to see Kin standing not five feet from him. "KIN!" He rushed over and held her, "You came back!" "That's right, ya' little windbag!" "I missed you so much!" He straightened up, and tried to compose himself, "Err...Welcome back, Kin. How did you...?" "I quit." She smiled, "I hope you're worth it." "I-I-I... Y-y-y-you..." He stuttered, "You're so cute when you do that." "You came back, for me..." "No, I came back for the weather." She giggled, "So Zaku... Wanna' suck face?"

Sasuke stepped outside and looked around angrily, _Who... Stupid kids, knocking and running off! _He suddenly noticed a sheet of paper taped to his door, he pulled it off, took one look at the sketch, and turned bright red, "SAI! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!" Sai turned to his brother, smiling, "You were right, he _does_ seem self-conscious about his size. This was great joke, brother!" As soon as the words left his mouth the pair of pranksters were forced to flee from an enraged and humiliated Uchiha... "Next time, we give the pictures to Karin!" Suigetsu dodged a ball of flame, "It will be worth it to see the look on her face!"

To Be Continued . . .


	31. Chapter 31

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 31

The whole town stood in shock as Sai's bright idea was revealed by the morning daylight, "I can't believe it!" "It was that Demon Brat! It had to be!" Everyone was staring at the Hokage monument, the Shodaime Hokage now sported painted lipstick, eyeliner and dark red cheeks, the Nidaime Hokage was painted with lion like features, a black nose, crudely painted fangs and heavy whiskers, the Yondaime Hokage now sported thin, elegant fox whiskers making the resemblance to his Kyuubi-possessed son complete, and old Sarutobi had beautiful, fantastic animals dancing across his face. Iruka stood in shock,_ It was Konohamaru, it had to be! Who else would... But neither Naruto or Konohamaru can paint like that, and it was obviously the work of two people, one highly skilled, the other... _The sound of laughter filled his ears and the whole crowd turned to see Sai and Suigetsu standing atop a nearby building, surveying their work, "IT WAS SAI AND SUIGETSU!?" Iruka rushed over to the boys before anyone else, "Do you have any idea what you just did!?" he turned and saw the crowd slowly beginning to digest the fact that Naruto was not responsible. "We performed a practical joke, did it succeed in amusing you?" Iruka was dumbfounded, "I think you boys better go find a good place to hide for a while..." "OH CRAP!" Suigetsu suddenly realized that most of the villagers were not amused. Sai quickly grabbed his brother's arm and teleported away before the angry crowd could reach them...

Tsunade looked out her window at the defaced monument, "What in the world could possess Sai to do something like this?" Iruka tried to explain, "Apparently it was meant as a practical joke, he thought we'd be amused." "Well, we are not amused!" She took a deep swig of saki, "The Shodaime was my grandfather, and he was not a cross-dresser!" She sighed, "I guess I can't blame Sai, he has no understanding of emotions, and his brother... He's clearly nuts..." "I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but I think this was actually Sai's idea..." "I'll let 'em sweat a little longer before I let 'em come back..."

Eiji paused in mid-stride, as Zaku roughly wiped lipstick from his mouth and Kin jumped a bit back. "We were just kissing!" Eiji shook his head and blinked, but recovered quickly, "Y-you came back, Kin. I'm glad, Zaku has been pining away without you, staring out towards Iwa for hours..." "Oh, really!" "Nah, I was just... Bored, yeah, bored." Zaku blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's funny, you'd think the way you were kissing her you that you weren't that shy. Welcome back, Kin." She bowed, her black hair falling over her face, "Thank you, Eiji-San." "San? Please, I'm only two years older than you are." "She quit, she came back to Kusagakure to stay! Can she stay here? I know it's short notice, but she can sleep in my bed, and..." They both blushed in unison, "I mean, I can sleep on the couch, and she can take my bed, not that we would both..." "I know what you mean. Mizuki will be moving out once he can get all of his stuff to his apartment, so I guess you could stay in my bed until..." All three blushed at that, "I was talking to Zaku! I mean, I wasn't talking about..." Kin fell back on to the couch, laughing, _These guys obviously need some women around!_

"I can't believe it, dattebayo!" "That make's no sense, Naruto." Kidoumaru looked toward the Hokage monument, "Impressive work! Ya' know, that Nidaime really does look like a lion..." "I used to do this all the time, it got everyone angry..." Kidoumaru turned to the Fox-Nin, "Why? If you knew it made them angry, why do it? They already mistreated you, those trash characters, why give them more reason? Why give them the bat to beat you with?" Naruto sighed, he was frowning, actually frowning! "I guess I just wanted attention, wanted people to notice that I existed. I guess it didn't matter to me then if it was good attention or bad, just as long as they knew I was here..." Kidoumaru laughed, but there wasn't much joy in it, he wasn't the sadistic killer he had been under Orochimaru, he did have a heart. And the thought of Naruto, or anyone, growing up hated and abused hurt, angered him. "They know you know, and when you're Hokage, they'll all know you!" "Dattebayo!" "Why did you put up with it?" Kidoumaru asked softly, "You had the power to wipe them all out, but you never did, no matter how much they hurt you... And now you're willing to protect them with your life." Naruto grinned and looked out over Konoha, 'It was bad, I was just a kid I didn't even know why I was being beaten and treated like trash, but I knew that one day they'd accept me. One day they'd treat me nice, just like Iruka did." He quickly wiped his eyes, "And most of them do, now, the kids, anyway. They were told never to play with me, they never to be around me, so when Iruka put me in school, they didn't know anything about me, but once they got to know me, most of them were nice to me. One day, they'll all like me, dattebayo!" _They even tried to teach their kids to hate him, the trash! They don't deserve someone like Naruto. How does he stay so hopeful? In his place, I would have razed this village to the ground, but he actually cares about the very people who mistreated and hated him... He's a strong character, and he's gonna' be a key player in the future. I have no doubt about that!_

That night the pranksters lucked out, as a violent storm washed away all traces of the paint they'd placed on the monument. Unfortunately for everyone else, several buildings were damaged by the wind, including the Academy roof, and fallen limbs were everywhere. Classes were canceled so everyone could help out, and not even Shikato was able to avoid work this time, as he had to clear branches from his yard along with the rest of his family. (Though that didn't stop him from complaining and cursing the storm with every breath.) Kidoumaru headed out to help with work at the Academy when he'd finished at home, but found that many eager hands had already finished the repairs, so he decided to help other people with their yard work. He started with Naruto, knowing the boy lived alone and it might be hard for the "Demon Brat" to get people to help him out, and worked till noon helping the energetic blonde and a few friends nail down shingles and clear brush, before helping that terrifying Juugo remove a large fallen tree from someone's front lawn. Kidoumaru knew of Juugo of the Scales, of course, Juugo was, after all, Kimimaro's only real friend and the source of Kidoumaru's own Cursed Seal. That did not mean, however, that he did not fear Juugo's wrath, and he was grateful when the giant finished without losing control, then headed peacefully back to the guarded compound where he usually stayed.

To Be Continued . . .


	32. Chapter 32

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 32

Kidoumaru awoke tired and sore from the previous days work, _Man! I feel like I was in a battle!_ He pulled himself reluctantly from bed, grabbed some clean clothes and took a long, hot shower, before heading downstairs. "You're awake! You slept for almost twelve hours!" Yoshino looked a bit worried, and a thought suddenly occurred to Kidoumaru, "My GOD! I missed my class!" "No you didn't, Iruka gave you the day off." Kidoumaru turned to see Shikamaru standing behind him, "You nearly killed yourself, Troublesome Hard-Working Kid..." "B-but the students..." "They're taking a written exam. Not everything about being a ninja involves physical activity, you know." "Just sit down, I'll have lunch ready for you in a few minutes." Yoshino was already cooking as she spoke, and Kidoumaru quietly sat at the dining room table, arguing with Nara Yoshino was a dangerous proposition...

Mizuki's new apartment was small, but then, he didn't own much, or need much, for that matter, and all of his belongings were removed from the Naraku house in one trip. Since Kin had come to Kusa with almost nothing, she didn't own much either, she was moved into her new home before nightfall. Eiji's parents, Akira and Tomoe, had come over and there was a small Welcome party as well as a small 'Farewell' party, even though Mizuki was living less than two miles away. Tomoe had purchased some clothes, exceedingly feminine clothes, for Kin, who had never worn anything more feminine than her Oto scarf (Zaku and Dosu also wore identical scarves...) and was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea, but she smiled and accepted anyway. After all, presents were as rare an event in Otogakure as Tayuya being nice to someone... "That outfit will look good on you Kin!" Zaku snickered and pointed a pink, frilly abomination, "It will look better on you!" Kin shot back, laughing. Zaku reeled and put a hand to his chest, "You're breakin' my heart, Kin! Besides, you need some girly stuff, everyone always thought you were a guy back in Oto, even... _Him_." Due to an unspoken agreement, the name Orochimaru was not mentioned among the pair, he didn't deserve the honor, "Boy was he disappointed!" Kin smiled, it hadn't been so funny at the time, at least, not to her, when Orochimaru had called her 'boy' and made several lewd remarks before she revealed she was a girl. He'd snapped away and called for Kabuto... _To ease his disappointment, no doubt... Old pervert, hell was to good for him_. An unpleasant thought occurred to Kin, one that had occurred many times in the past, Zaku is a very good-looking boy, did that monster... She shook her head, even if it had happened, it certainly wouldn't have been his fault. She decided to change the subject. "Have you received any letters from Tayuya yet?" Zaku looked at her blankly, "Why would she send me letters?" "She's been sending letters to Kidoumaru, Shikamaru, that Suna chick and some others, telling them what she thinks of them and what she wants to do to them. Zaku grinned, "Why would she send one to me, I'm loveable!" Kin rolled her eyes, "Loveable. Like a teddy bear, stuffed with crap." "Hey! That's not nice!" "Awwwww! Young love!" Mizuki stuck his head in between them, "So cuuuute!" He pinched Zaku's cheek, "Our little man is growing up!" Zaku slapped his hand away, "Don't you have somewhere else to go?" Mizuki smiled, "I always have time for my little brother..." "I certainly hope that doesn't make Zaku my brother, kissing your brother is a bit much, even in Oto..."

Kidoumaru thought for several minutes before moving his Bishop and taking one of Shikato's Knights,_ I may not be allowed to do anything outside, but I can still play games._ Shikato's eyes narrowed, "Clever move..." He simply sat there for a moment, "May I ask you something?" "Of course." "Do you have any idea why you view life the way you do? Everything being some great game, everyone being just characters..." Kidoumaru didn't know how to answer that,"I was always restless, even as a kid, I never could just accept a peaceful quiet life. That's how he got me, he offered me adventure, a life of thrills and fun. And he delivered... But the cost to play was high, my life, my soul... And I was happy to accept it, I craved action, and killing and dying wasn't too much of a cost in my mind. Even when I died, I wasn't scared or sad, I was just upset that I'd lost so easily." Shikato raised an eyebrow, "But eventually it did feel... Wrong... So I decided to hide from it, the world became a game, nothing was real, not Orochimaru, not the poor saps I'd killed, not me. Losing my life was nothing. Then I died, and came back. It was terrible, my insides where burst like a balloon, I bled to death slowly, but it still didn't seem real to me. When I was brought back, I was confused, terrified out of mind, Eiichiro said that I'd had a breakdown, if hadn't been for Tobi...Obito I'd probably have attacked everyone there. He calmed me down, helped me, and after a while I started to think clearly again, but I didn't think the same way, life was important, is important. And I don't want to waste it on causing more suffering..." "Is that why you saved Shikamaru's life?" Shikato had forgotten the game now, "Because you started to understand the suffering of others?" "It's just so wasteful, killing someone, especially someone with as much potential as Shikamaru. And to torture him... I just felt..." He struggled for the right word, "Guilty?" "Yeah, Tayuya said I just felt sorry for him because we had the same hairstyle." He laughed and patted his hair, "But really, I just... Couldn't stand to see him suffering." Shikato yawned, "Lucky for Shika, huh?" His face darkened a bit, "Did you know? Did you know what they would do to you for helping my son escape?" "I'm not _that_ nice, I knew they would be upset, but not I didn't think they'd get_ that_ upset. I guess it was lucky for me that your son's a good man, if he hadn't come back to help me, I'd have died another slow, painful death alone in the woods." "Yeah, we Nara men may be lazy bums, but we're loyal to our friends..."

To Be Continued . . .


	33. Chapter 33

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 32

Mizuki walked through his new apartment, it wasn't much, three rooms, one bedroom, a bathroom and a small kitchen, but it was enough for his needs. He felt lonely, though, for almost a year he'd been living with Eiji and Zaku, and it was a bit odd not to hear their voices. He sighed and plopped down on the bed, _I'm glad to be on my own feet again, but I'll miss those kids..._

Kin flung her senbon and bells at a makeshift target, I don't want to get rusty, danger can find you anywhere... She used her Chakra to vibrate the tiny bells, causing sonic waves which would disorient and disable most living enemies. Of course, she wasn't using a live target, but she knew how it worked, it was her own jutsu, after all. She heard familiar footsteps and turned to see Zaku coming from behind her, his spikey black hair blowing in the wind. "Nice, still keeping sharp, eh?" 'And you?" He grinned and raised his hands, an invisible wave of air sliced the target in half, without so much as moving a blade of grass behind it. "How was that?" Kin shrugged, "Okay..." "Okay!" He walked over to the target and began pulling out Kin's weapons, "You hit all the kill spots..." "Of course, I am Kin _of_ the Oto-Three, Mistress of Sound..." Zaku snorted, "And they say I'm arrogant!" He handed Kin her weapons, "Fighting with bells..." "Don't knock it, windbag!" "Why not?" "Because I might not do this anymore..." She grabbed him, pulled him close, and they kissed. "Okay, bells are cool!" "I knew you'd say that..." "Kin...?" "What?" Zaku looked a bit concerned, "How did you 'quit'? I've never heard of someone just quitting being a ninja..." "Actually, it was a bit of a trade, I worked it out with Sakon and Ukon, the Twins joined Iwa, and they let me leave... Why, are you worried about me?" "uh...I just thought... Aww, screw it! I was worried about you! I love you! I want to be with you forever!" Kin stared in shocked silence for a moment, "I... I... Tonsil hockey!" She jumped on a shocked Zaku and began a different type of training...

"Overworked, huh? I told him to take it easy..." Konohamaru shook his head, "And I had pranks planned..." Moegi looked at him scornfully, "Is that all you care about? Kidoumaru-Sempai is sick and you're worried about some stupid practical joke!" "He's not that sick, he just needs some rest..." Udon wiped his perpetually running nose on his sleeve, "He'll be fine soon..." Konohamaru interrupted him, "That was some trick Sai and Suigetsu pulled! I heard that Iruka-Sensei thought I did it! I wish! It's one of Naruto-Sempai's classics! Did you see Shodaime! He looked like a chick! I have to get up with those two, they could be great with the right help!" Moegi giggled, "Did you see when Suigetsu snapped that Karin chick's bra!" "Yeah, she slapped him and his head exploded..." Udon shivered, "I don't want to get on her bad side!"

Hiro slid beneath the ground and tunneled toward the training ground, _Kidoumaru might not be here, but I can still train..._ He burst from the ground and landed in front of the training targets, slashing them with writhing vines, shattering them. "Very impressive." "Leech-All-Creation technique, just like us." Hiro turned to see a bizarre looking man with a venus-fly-trap sprouting from his shoulders, and that wasn't the weirdest thing about him, his body was neatly divided between pale white and dark black. "You must be Zetsu. Kidoumaru-Sempai told me of you, he said we had similar abilities." "He was right." "You're a lot weaker than us though!" _Multiple personalities? Interesting._ "I have no desire to join Akatsuki." 'I hate to disappoint you..." "But did we_ invite_ you!?" "Then why are you here?" "Curiosity..." "Are you here to fight?" Hiro took a battle pose, "No." "Lucky for you, punk!" Zetsu vanished into the ground, leaving a confused Hiro behind._ Hmmmm, The boy is similar in abilities to us... He's weak, besides, he's not why where here! I know what we have to do, find the Nara boy, and find the ring..._

To Be Continued . . .


	34. Chapter 34

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 34

"An Akatsuki member, here!" Tsunade jumped from her chair, "This is bad... Zetsu, you say?" Hiro nodded gravely, "He vanished underground, I was unable to follow him, his skills are far superior to my own." "SHIZUNE!" Tsunade's assistant came running, "Sound the alarm! Zetsu of the Akatsuki is here, in Konoha!"

Kidoumaru was lying in bed, reading _The Art of War _intently when Shikamaru entered, "Hey," Kidoumaru looked up reluctantly, "What's up?" 'I don't want to upset you, but... Don't you hear that alarm?" Kidoumaru suddenly noticed a blaring siren, "What is it?" "An ANBU just told me Zetsu was sighted at the training grounds." Kidoumaru jumped to his feet, "Did he hurt any of the students?!" Kidoumaru mentally cursed himself, _Allowing myself to get so distracted I didn't even notice an attack!_ "No one's been hurt, yet, Hiro saw him, but he's fine." "Thank God!" Kidoumaru ran for the door, only to be grabbed by Shikamaru, "No way! The ANBU can take care of it, you need your rest!" Kidoumaru wanted to scream from the frustration...

"So, this is the place where it all goes down?" Kiba looked around the small park thoughtfully, "What if it rains?" "Don't worry about it, we'll make sure to check the weather report." It was a beautiful place, if you liked lots of colorful flowers, and Kiba knew his sister liked both the flowers and the bright sunshine. Tsume had threatened,...Er,_ convinced_, the town council into approving the park for the wedding, and now all that remained was to get everything together._ One more week, and sis marries Puppet-Boy..._Kiba didn't exactly what to think about that, Kankurou had saved his life, and he was a good friend of the family, but Kiba couldn't help but wonder if he was man enough for his sister... "Kiba, do you here that?" Hana turned and looked toward the village, "An attack!"

"Tayuya? Wasn't she that chick you killed while I was fighting The Amazing Two-Headed Idiot? The Sound chick?" "The one with the flute and the foul mouth! I remember now! She obviously hasn't forgiven me for dropping a forest on her..." Kankurou laughed, "Would you?" "It was a battle, it was her or Shikamaru and me, and I had no desire to be torn apart by crazed demons, I'm sure Shikamaru felt the same." A cloud of dust appeared on the horizon, rushing toward Konoha at incredible speed, Kankurou saw it and smiled, "He came!" A massive wave of sand pushed straight toward the sibling, only to vanish, leaving Gaara, Baki and a small contingent of guards."Are we in time for the wedding?" Gaara asked flatly, he still had a great deal of trouble with positive emotions, but he was trying. "One week, little bro." Kankurou hugged the stiff Kazekage, "I'm glad you could make it! And you too, Baki, I couldn't imagine this without you! You're like the dad we should have had..."

Obito looked outside in confusion, curious as to what was happening, Kakashi had forbidden him to come, and he would do as he said, even if it was annoying. He heard the door open, and turned, "Kakashi, what's... Zetsu-Sempai?" Zetsu looked at him curiously, "So you are here." "Where's the ring, Tobi?!" "Tobi isn't Tobi anymore, Tobi is uchiha Obito now." "We need your ring, To... Obito." "Where is your Akatsuki ring? You're not wearing it!" "They took it." "They who?" "Spit it out, idiot!" "The ANBU." A silver and blue form rushed into the room, knocking Zetsu off of his feet, "Are you alright, Obito?" Kakashi asked through gritted teeth. "Obito is fine..." Zetsu struggled to his feet, "Did he tell you we saved him?" "You left him under those rocks to die! We saved him!" Kakashi reeled in shock, and Zetsu took the opportunity to rush out the door, Kakashi followed seconds later, but he had already fled into the ground. "He wanted Obito's ring. The Akatsuki can't replace Obito without his ring." "He's after the rings? Then Shikamaru... Oh no!"

Shikamaru looked on in horror as the strange man literally burst from his front lawn and grabbed him by the throat. "This is him!" "He has Hidan's ring!" Shikamaru beat at the arm holding him, and kicked at the Plant-Nin himself, but to no effect. "Oooh, he's a fighter!" "It'll make him so much tastier!" Suddenly, six fists collided brutally with Zetsu's back, forcing him to drop the young Shadow Wielder, "Kidoumaru?" "You should have left well enough alone! Now we'll eat you, too!" Vines erupted from the ground, wrapping Shikamaru tightly as Kidoumaru jumped aside, "Very good!" "But it won't save you!" Kidoumaru kicked Zetsu in the face and rushed over to Shika, tearing at the vines, "NO! Forget about me! Run, get help!" Kidoumaru didn't see the attack until it was too late, a thick vine wrapped tightly around his throat, cutting off his breathing. "Let him go! I'll give you the ring, just don't kill him! You can have me, just don't kill him!" Shikamaru pleaded, Kidoumaru tried to speak as well, but he couldn't get enough air to form the words. Zetsu grinned, "So loyal, both of you..." "You have nothing to bargain with, we have you both!" A loud clang resounded through the neighborhood as a cast-iron pot met Zetsu's bi-colored face. The Plant-Nin fell, unconscious, and as he did, the vines fell away, freeing both boys. Nara Yoshino stood over the fallen cannibal, holding a the heavy pot, "No one hurts MY boys!" "MOM!?" Kidoumaru struggled to his feet, holding his bruised throat, "Thank you, Yoshino-San! thank you!" His voice was raspy and pained. He turned to Shikamaru, "I'm sorry... I almost got you killed!" "You tried to save me, you knew he wanted me, not you. You could have just left me, but you didn't!" " You're both very brave, I wouldn't expect anything less from _my_ sons." Yoshino kicked Zetsu's prone form as an ANBU squad appeared to take him into custody, lifting him from the ground and disappearing in a puff of smoke. "You... Were willing to let him kill you, to save me?" Kidoumaru rubbed at his sore throat, "Nah, it was just a bluff... I'm no hero..." Shikamaru did his best to look bored with the whole thing, "I was just buying time for the ANBU to get here..." "You're a terrible liar, Nara Shikamaru." Yoshino scolded. "Nope, I'm a very good liar!"

To Be Continued . . .


	35. Chapter 35

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 35

Kidoumaru sipped the tea he'd been given, it really did help the pain in his throat, the Nara clan was, after all, known for it's medicines. Shikamaru looked at him closely, "So, what did mom mean, her _'sons'_?" Kidoumaru tried to laugh, but it came out as a cough, "She means that..." "Kidoumaru is your _brother_ now, Shika." Yoshino poked her head into the dining room, "He's a_ Nara_ now." Nara Shikamaru took it well, he fainted.

"They already captured him, it was that Zetsu person...From Akatsuki." Hana informed the Sand Nins, "And your lover-boy helped catch him," Kiba smirked at Temari, "Actually, his _mother_ did!" Temari wasn't surprised, Nara Yoshino was a strong woman. "So, we missed it..." Kankurou turned, "Oh, by the way, Hana," He turned and pointed, "Gaara just arrived, jan. Hana, this is my brother Gaara, Gaara, this is Hana." Hana looked over at the Kazekage of Sunagakure, "My, he's as cute as you. That uniform really brings out your hair and eyes, Gaara." Gaara simply looked at her, tilting his head slightly, "Thank you... That was a compliment, was it not?" "Yes, yes it was." Temari snickered, "All the ladies in Suna agree with you. That's why _Kankurou_ had to get a bride_ here..._" "I have fans in Suna! I could have any woman I want, jan! I'm just a one woman man!" "Because one's all you could catch!" Kankurou glared at his sister, but Hana diffused the situation. "You just don't appreciate his charms because you're his sister." "Thank God for that, jan! I don't want to end up like Shikamaru!" Temari made an obscene gesture at that remark..."C'mon Kankurou, let's get to the park, I want to show you where everything is." "May I come?" Gaara asked. 'S-sure, Gaara." Kankurou smiled, "As long as you don't bring the_ Sand Witch_." Temari snarled at the nickname, and the guards turned away so she wouldn't see them laughing and punish them. "Stay here, Sand Witch." Gaara said, with a perfectly straight face, and even Baki was laughing now... _I'll get you for this, Kankurou, mark my words, you'll pay!_

Anko didn't mind a challenge, but this guy... Zetsu glared at her with pupiless eyes, "You're Ibiki's replacement?" _"Ha, this chick is nothing!"_ Anko smiled sweetly, a smile those who knew her feared, especially her 'subjects'. She didn't always enjoy her work, torture was a grisly and brutal business, but she felt she'd enjoy this one. "This chick, as you put it, was once a pupil of Orochimaru." She moved her hair slightly, revealing a Cursed Seal mark. Zetsu's eyes widened, "Hmmm... A pupil he didn't murder..." _"I know it wasn't for your body, delicious as it looks, his tastes were towards more... Boyish pursuits."_ Anko ignored him best she could, but the implications were disgusting, though not surprising. Orochimaru was probably the most evil, perverted creature she had ever had the displeasure of knowing, But now was time for business, "Where is the Akatsuki base?" "Let us loose and we'll take you there..." _"That's right, we wouldn't hurt such a pretty creature..."_ Zetsu sneered at the the woman, he/they knew she wasn't fool enough to believe them, but one takes their fun where they can. She walked over to a nearby table and removed a gleaming instrument, "So you won't cooperate? Good. I look forward to learning the secrets of your Blood Limit, piece by piece..."

Yoshino led Sakura into the living room of her house, "Kidoumaru, are you alright" Kidoumaru smiled at her, "I'm fine, babe." he rasped, "And so are you." Sakura blushed and sat down next to her boyfriend, "Your throat's hurt, let me heal it, I am a healer, after all" She lifted a glowing hand to Kidoumaru's throat, sending soothing Chakra throughout the bruised area, "Now, doesn't that feel better?" "Mmmm, I _always_ feel better when _you_ touch me..." Sakura blushed at that. Shikato walked into the room, looking pale and weak, he'd just gotten back from the search, only to find the Missing Nin had come to his own home, as well as another _small_ detail, "Yoshino, honey, did we _adopt_ Kidoumaru?" "_Yes_, yes we did, sweetheart..." Shikato nodded and promptly fainted.

To Be Continued . . .


	36. Chapter 36

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 36

Anko wanted to scream, the Plant-Man just wouldn't break! She'd tried hours of_ literal_ bone-breaking torture to make him talk, but he didn't even give her a scream! Naturally, she hadn't expected to just _volunteer_ information, but this was just ridiculous! It didn't help that Kakashi had suddenly taken up the creature's cause, claiming that he'd saved Obito's life decades ago... "Nothing?" Anko's apprentice Shura was about to go on duty, _Let her handle it, I'm exhausted._ "Not a thing. It doesn't enjoy pain, like Hidan does, but it hasn't yielded to it either. It's not human!" Shura gave the obvious reply, "No, he's not. But everything feels pain, he'll break eventually..." Anko rubbed her aching forehead, "Whatever you do, don't let Kakashi back here, no matter what he says, unless he has a letter from the Hokage herself. He thinks he owes this freak something." "Yes, ma'am." "And stay away from it's mouth, both of them, it's a _cannibal_." Shura unlocked the cell door and stepped past the ANBU guards, "Alright. I hope you didn't think you were getting some kind of break, we'll be here 24/7 until you talk... What the #!?" She looked frantically around the cell, the chains lay in a pile on the floor, and Zetsu had vanished.

"SAI!" Sai and Suigetsu turned in unison to see that annoying kid with the scarf running towards them, his two friends on his heels. "Sai, Suigetsu..." He panted to a stop, "I saw that prank! It was genius! And what you did to Sasuke, with the rats!" He grabbed his knees, trying to catch his breath, "I think... You guys could be great! With help, of course. I'm Konoha's number one prankster, I can teach you!" Suigetsu turned to Sai, "Who is this kid?" "His name's Konohamaru, he's the Third Hokage's grandson and a friend of Dickless." "Don't call Naruto-Sempai that!" "I am merely making a witty observation, that is humor, is it not?" Konohamaru looked at Sai in disbelief, "You really do need my help!" "Are you really the number one prankster in this dump?" "Dattebayo!" "Hmmm," Suigetsu grinned, baring his vicious teeth, "This could be a good idea after all..."

"Uhm... Yoshino, I like Kidoumaru, he's a great kid, but...I don't remember signing any papers to adopt him..." "Of course not, you were so drunk you could barely sign your own name." "You took advantage of me!" "That's right, you make it too easy,  
you lazy lush!" Shikato racked his alcohol-scrambled brain in an attempt to remember, but failed... 'What if I had told you I didn't agree when I found out?" Yoshino turned, her already pale face going ghostly white "You wouldn't... It would break his heart!" Shikato smiled, "No, I wouldn't. I just wish you'd had enough faith in me to just ask." "When are you sober enough for me to ask about anything?" "I'm sober now, and God knows I was _stupid_ sober when I married you, you troublesome shrew. If I had been drunk..." "Just shut up..." "So, _Nara Kidoumaru_, I like it..." "Just don't tell him that I got you drunk to get you you to agree, he's been through enough as it is." Shikato shook a finger at her, "I'm not a _complete_ heel, just a lazy drunk with a shrew for a wife, a disrespectful bum for a son, and now, I have a hard-working, polite son to go along with them." "Even if he didn't have dark skin and six arms, it would be obvious he's not a product of _your_ lazy genes." Shikato leaned towards his wife, "As I remember, _you_ couldn't wait to get _into_ my _lazy genes."_ They kissed, and Shikato held her close. "EWWWWW! I'm blind!" Their troublesome son had walked into the kitchen and in on them... "Shikamaru, go to your room right now!" "Whatever, troublesome parents..."

Obito bounced happily into Sasuke's room, "Sasuke, someone sent you these pretty flowers!" Sasuke looked up to see a large bouquet of freesia, "Obito! I'm... ACHOO!" Obito dropped the bouquet on Sasuke's pillow, scattering pollen everywhere, "OH! You're sick! Obito will get Kakashi!" Obito rushed out of the room and ran into Kakashi, who'd come to inform him of Zetsu's escape, "Sasuke's sneezing? Is he alright?" Obito smiled broadly and whispered, "Inoichi-San left him some freesia, Sasuke is allergic to freesia! Don't let Sasuke know Obito knows! Obito can be a_ bad boy_ too!"

"You're lucky that the fools can't even torture anyone right! Captured..." "That Nara wo..." "_It was the ANBU! Six of them, they beat us down, we killed at least two!_" Zetsu, one of them anyway, wasn't about to admit they were beaten by an angry housewife wielding a frying pan... "I don't have to ask if you recovered the rings, then..." Pein turned, "That was Madara's fool idea anyway, why are we still adhering to his ideas? We shall make new rings..." he turned to Zetsu, "Go see Kabuto, he'll fix your injuries..." "Yes, Pein-Sama." Both voices spoke in unison.

Zaku and Kin were sitting on the roof, enjoying the sunshine, when they saw a messenger approaching. A handsome young man with dark hair and gentle features, he looked up at them and smiled, "Does Naraku Eiji live here? I have a message for him." "Yes, he's inside." Zaku jumped to the ground, followed quickly by Kin, "C'mon in. I'm Abumi Zaku, this is Tsuchi Kin. What's your name?" "Idate. Morino Idate." _Morino... Where have I heard that name before...?_ Zaku opened the door and let the man in,_ I remember now!_ "Idate-San, are you any relation to Morino Ibiki-San of Konohagakure?" "He was my brother." "My condolences..." Eiji stepped into the room from the kitchen, "Is there... Some reason you've come here?" "I have two reasons, one, I have a message to deliver," He handed a letter to Eiji, "And, I... Wanted to thank you, for avenging my brother's death." Eiji looked into the man's eyes, there was no danger in them, they were the eyes of a peaceful man._ Odd that a man like Ibiki should have such a gentle brother, but then... Eiichiro and I..._ "You... You do know that, Eiichiro, the man who..." "That he was your brother? Yeah. I can't imagine what that was like... I lost my brother to an enemy, but you were forced to..." "I didn't have time to think about it, I had no choice, he left me none. He was going to kill Zaku there... Please, have a seat, you've had a long trip..." As Idate took a seat on the couch, Kin looked at Zaku in confusion, "Who's Morino Ibiki?" She whispered, "He was the head torturer guy in Konoha, Eiichiro murdered him." If Idate heard them, he didn't show it, "I... Just wanted to see you, to thank you..." "Like I said, I did what I had to do." "The letter, it's from Sabaku No Kankurou, I think it's an invitation to his wedding." _"Wedding!?_ Kankurou's getting married!" Apparently, the awkwardness had passed, "Yes, he's marrying Inuzuka Hana." "_Inuzuka?_ As in the _Dog People_?" Zaku blurted out thoughtlessly, "Yes, the famous Dog-Nins of Konohagakure." Idate smiled pleasantly at the boy as Eiji opened the letter,

_To Naraku Eiji,_

_You are formally invited to the wedding of Sabaku No Kankurou and Inuzuka Hana to be held on the 15 of March in Konohagakure. Your family,_ A small side note was scribbled into the pre-printed text, (_as well as Mizuki and Zaku, or any other strays you've picked up since I last saw you_) _are welcome to attend. No gifts are necessary._

_Regards, Kankurou and Hana_

_P.S. I hope you can make it. You've been good friends to me..._

"15th of March! that's only five days!" Idate held up his hands, "Don't blame me, I only got it two days ago!" Zaku looked at the man in surprise, "You made it from Konoha to Grass in two days?" Idate shrugged, "I'm a champion runner..." Eiji looked around at the others, "It will probably take us four, so we'd best pack now." "No need," Zaku rushed into his room and ran out with a scroll, "I have a _summon_ now, remember?"

To Be Continued . . .


	37. Chapter 37

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 37

"Hide me!" Shikamaru pleaded desperately as he slipped into Kidoumaru's room and jumped into the closet, "Don't let her find me!" Kidoumaru watched Shika's behavior silently, then went back to his book. "_Oh Shika!_" Temari's too sweet voice rang through the house, "I know you're here, you might as well come out and get it over with!" _That doesn't sound good..._ "SHIKAMARU!" Kidoumaru cringed, he could hear the Suna Kunoichi opening doors throughout the house, a few minutes later she arrived at his door, "Kidoumaru, is Shika in here?" Kidoumaru glared at her, It took all he could muster not to kill her then and there, "You shouldn't go barging into people's rooms! What if I'd just gotten out of the shower?" Temari smirked, "Then you'd be embarrassed and I'd probably be_ really_ _jealous_ of Sakura... Is Shika here?" "No." "Then where is he?" "Have you checked the barbeque restaurant? What do you want him for, anyway?" "His mouth got in him trouble again, and I have to _punish_ his lazy butt." Kidoumaru shuddered, _Shika was better off with Tayuya..._ Temari stepped into the room, "Uh, Temari... What the hell are you doing?" "Making sure you aren't hiding him. I know how you boys stick together." "Get out of my room!" he growled, but she ambled over to the closet door and ripped it open, He poised to attack, but the closet was _empty_. "AH HAH!... Huh?" No Shikamaru, just clothes and boxes upon boxes of board games. Temari ran over to the small bathroom and ripped that door open, it was clean, bright, and empty of any lazy, pineapple-headed ninja.

"Are you satisfied!? Now_ get out_!" Temari glared, "Boy's rooms aren't usually this clean... I'll find you Shikamaru! And when I do!" Temari stepped into the hall and resumed her search. As soon as Kidoumaru saw the woman walk out the front door, he rushed to the closet and opened it, "What the...?" Shikamaru was huddled in the corner, eyes closed and legs drawn protectively against his chest, shivering. He was clearly visible and clearly terrified. "It's alright. She's gone..." "I'll stay here for a while... I don't trust her. Thanks for helping me." "How did you...?" "Trade secret. Close the door before she comes back!" Kidoumaru shut the door and put his hands over his face, before locking his bedroom door. "You really shouldn't let her treat you like that." "You know Temari! She's terrifying!" His muffled voice filtered through the closet door. "What did you do?" "I just said that she looked a little...Bigger..." "DEAR GOD! You told a girl she was gaining weight! May God have mercy on your poor, stupid soul!" "That's _not_ what I mean't! And it's not my soul she's after! If she catches me, I won't be sitting for a month!" _Not again... How many times has she done this? That woman is sick!_

One week before, Shikamaru had been acting strangely for a while, and Kidoumaru was determined to find out what was going on, but his questions were met with an awkward silence._ He's in pain, obviously, but why?_ Kidoumaru was determined to find out, so he walked to Shikamaru's door, and opened without knocking, "Shika, we _have_ to talk..." Kidoumaru was shocked by the sight in front of him. Shikamaru had apparently been dressing or something, and he was naked, but that wasn't what horrified Kidoumaru. His entire backside was covered in welts and bruises. "_My God..._" Shika grabbed a sheet off his bed and covered himself, "Don't you know how to knock!?" "Who... _Who_ did this to you?!" "Nobody, I just... Had an accident..." Kidoumaru snatched the sheet away, "This doesn't happen by accident!" Shikamaru covered himself as best he could, "What the hell are you doing?" He snatched the sheet back and wrapped it around his waist, "Get out!" Kidoumaru walked over to the bed and sat down, "No. Not until you tell me the_ truth_." Shikamaru's eyes fell to the floor, "It was Temari." He said softly, "At first... At first I thought it was just a little joke, having fun at my expense, just trying to be the boss in the relationship... But it kept getting worse and worse..." "We have to tell someone." "NO! Please! She's just... It'll stop!" "You need help! You need to get away from her!" Shikamaru got on his knees, "Please... I can handle it, I promise. Don't... I'll be humiliated..." Kidoumaru helped him up "We can't let it go on..." "Who would I tell? Kankurou? He has it as bad as I do, he has to _live_ with her! My parents? Mom would _kill_ her! I really do _love_ her... Please, promise me you won't tell anyone! I can make it work! Please!"

_And like a fool, I agreed... I tried to help, double-dating to keep an eye on them, I was even going to threaten her, to make her leave him alone, but I was afraid she'd take it out on him... I should have just killed her...  
_

"You can't let it go on... It's not right, it's not funny or cute. You have to _stand up_ to her, you may even have to _leave_ her..." "But... I'm _afraid _of her..." "That's not love, it's _abuse_. You deserve better." Shikamaru opened the door slightly and peeked out, "I know... But I'm scared." Kidoumaru hugged him, "I'll be right there with you. I'll protect you." Shikamaru started sobbing...

"Hey, Naruto! Hinata! Have you seen my worthless boyfriend?" "No." Naruto looked scared, and Hinata looked terrified, Temari rushed past them, headed toward Chouji's house. "That woman's crazy! Dattebayo!" "I-I-I-I hear S-s-s-she beats him..." "I heard she _ate_ her last boyfriend!" "T-t-t-hey call her the S-s-s-sand W-w-w-witch in Suna!"

_Well, he wasn't at Chouji's, Imagine, Chouza throwing me out like that! It was so embarrassing! When I catch that boy I'll..._ "TEMARI!" Temari turned to see her boyfriend standing in the road, looking...Angry? "You're going to get it, hiding from me! Calling me fat!" "I didn't call you fat, and if you lay a hand on me, I'll..." "You'll what?" _This isn't good, I had him whipped, and now he's standing up to me!_ He stood tall, but he was trembling, "I'm _leaving_ you, Temari. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying if I'm going to be hit for every little thing I say!" Temari pulled back,_ I'm not that violent, am I_? "I... I thought you enjoyed..." "Yeah, I _enjoy_ getting my backside so bruised that I can't even sit down! I enjoy being so _afraid_ that you'll misunderstand something I say and_ beat_ me that I don't want to say _anything_ to you! I enjoy it so much that I _beg _you to stop and _cry_ my eyes out, hoping for a little mercy that never comes!" He ignored the crowd that had begun to gather, he no longer cared. Temari noticed Kidoumaru standing in the shadows of a nearby building, ready to fight if she made a move towards Shika. Shikamaru shook his head, "Sorry, Temari, but I can't do it anymore." He turned, "I hope your next boyfriend is someone more suited to you, a _masochist_..." He walked off, leaving a stunned Temari standing standing alone in the street.

To Be Continued . . .


	38. Chapter 38

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 38

Temari sat alone in her apartment, drinking Saki... _Lots _of Saki. She reached to her face and felt the cuts and bruises she'd recieved from Hana when the Inuzuka learned how badly Shikamaru and her beloved Kankurou had been treated by the 'Sand Witch'... Right before she and Tsume 'rescued' him, dragging him off to their house, away from his family...His sister. Temari was now officially the most hated person in the village, she'd even managed to rob Sasuke of his title as _The Worst Person Alive_ in the minds of many. _Did they forget about Kabuto? He's worse than I am... All I did was what I knew... Suna's no place for weaklings who can't take pain... _She finished off her second bottle, cursed, and threw it against the wall. So far the only person she'd seen who hadn't condemned her was Gaara, which wasn't saying much considering he was an emotionally stunted psychotic who'd spent the first fifteen years of his life as the host for a malevolent demon.

He understood, Gaara understood pain...

Kidoumaru opened the front door to find a certain black-clad puppeteer waiting nervously on the front steps, "Kankurou... " The youth looked tired, "I'm sorry, Kidoumaru. I didn't know. I should have known, but..." Kidoumaru waved him inside, 'I know. Nobody blames you." "I... Hana and I have decided to go ahead with the wedding on schedule... Do you think Shikamaru would still want to be a groomsman, jan?" "I would." Shikamaru looked up from the couch, "I know it wasn't your fault. Besides, I already rented the tux!" He laughed joylessly. Kankurou walked over and sat beside him, "You have a lot of guts, I... I never could stand up to her..." "It was just self-preservation, that and Kidoumaru holding a knife to my back!" He flashed a thin smile, the last few days had been hell for him, telling his painful and humiliating story to his horrified parents, not to mention the family doctor, the Hokage and Gaara and trying to convincingly lie about it to a seemingly endless parade of friends who'd come to try to help him... Undergoing a truly humiliating healing session, having to convince his parents not to _kill_ Temari... The hardest part was, incredibly, being away from her... He still had feelings for her, it was hard, he really did love her... He wanted to excuse it, to forgive her, even though he knew she was wrong, he just wanted to try again, to beg her forgiveness, to apologize for whatever he'd done to make her hurt him and to let her come back... He felt so alone... He knew, _he knew_ he'd done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve such cruelty, but he wanted to believe that things weren't as bad as they seemed, that she really did have a good reason for what she'd done, that he was to blame, that they were still in love...

"You aren't still living around Temari, are you?" Kidoumaru broke the silence, he was concerned about Kankurou's welfare as well, he knew that the boy had probably suffered badly at his sister's hands. "No, Tsume and Hana pretty much, well, _literally_, carried me off to their house. I'm staying with them now..." He looked at the plain carpet beneath his feet, "Hana... She attacked Temari, beat her pretty badly. It's weird... I still can't make myself understand that what happened to us was _wrong_... It's all I've ever known, jan. My dad was a sadistic monster, my brother was possessed, and my sister beat me whenever I looked at her the wrong way... I never really believed that most kids lived like that, but I never knew just _how_ screwed up we were compared to everyone else..." Shikamaru put an arm around the Puppet Master's broad shoulders, "You seem to have turned out alright, and Gaara, he's totally changed since we first met, he's actually pretty cool, now that that Troublesome Tanuki's gone."

"That reminds me, Kidoumaru, did you meet a guy named Sasori while you were with Akatsuki?" "Sasori of The Red Sand? Tobi... Obito said that he wasn't brought back." Kankurou looked relieved by that revelation, "How about a blonde guy that looked like Ino? He was some kind of freak with mouths in his hands, used clay bombs and ranted about 'Art'...jan." "_Deidara_, yeah, I saw him quite a bit, though we didn't really talk. He was Tobi's, I mean Obito's Sempai. Or, I guess he _was_ Tobi then... Man, it's confusing!" "Deidara was the creep who took Gaara while I was fighting Sasori, jan... Did you know Gaara actually _died_ when they took Shukaku out of him? He was only saved when an old friend used a forbidden jutsu to revive him. She gave her life for him... " Kankurou's eyes fell, it was clearly a painful memory. "I didn't know. Deidara tended to avoid everyone as much as possible, though he was teaching Jirobo some of his tricks when I left. I heard that he escaped before the whole base went up after Madara died, I have no idea where he went, but he was always ranting about defeating Itachi... Looks like Sasuke blew _that_ dream out of the water..." Kankurou gave a lopsided grin, "Hmmm, I guess the brat's good for something, jan!"

Morino Idate had never seen anything like it, he looked down toward the forest hundreds of feet beneath him, he knew that forest well, but he was seeing it now from the back of a fifty-foot dragonfly... Judging from the way Kin was holding on to Zaku and Eiji had all six hands firmly grasping the creature's segmented exoskeleton, they were new to the experience as well... Zaku, however, grinned madly, he was enjoying himself. They'd traveled from the rolling plains of Grass to the outskirts of the tropical rain forests of Amegakure and they now were above the heavy forests of Konoha, all in a matter of hours. He wished Mizuki had been able to come, but the blue-haired man was still unsure as to whether the people of Konohagakure would kill him on sight as a Missing-Nin...

"So this is your summon! Very impressive!" Idate had to shout to be heard over the insanely loud buzzing wings. "She was a gift!" Zaku shouted back, "She took me to Grass when I first moved here, all the way from Oto!" "That's right, you're from Otogakure, aren't you? Somebody told me that, but I'd forgotten!" Kin held Zaku tighter, "How much longer?" "About a half-hour, if Konoha's still in the same place it was when we died." _Died?_ Idate had heard that the kid had been brought back from beyond, so to speak, but he hadn't really believed it... Now, he had to wonder...

"On the way back, I'm _walking_!" Eiji shouted over the sound of the buzzing wings.

To Be Continued . . .


	39. Chapter 39

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 39

The arrival of a fifty-foot long dragonfly at the main gates of Konohagakure naturally drew a huge crowd, the fact that it carried, among others, two kids who'd been dead for five years drew an even larger crowd. Eiji didn't care as he was too busy rejoicing in the fact that he was back on solid ground. He'd never thought of himself as Achraphobic, but things change when you're hundreds of feet in the air, riding a giant insect...

Zaku was a bit uncomfortable with all of the attention, hundreds of people just staring at Kin and him in awe, but was happy when some familiar faces pushed their way through the crowd and walked over. "Kidoumaru! What's with these guys? You'd think they'd seen a ghost!" That got a laugh out of the crowd, in fact, in a way, they had. "Kin!? What are you doing here?" Kin curtseyed jokingly, "I'm here with them." She looked over at Shikamaru, "You've grown a lot, you lazy creep." He looked ar her, how else, lazily, "Hmmm. Good to see ya' again. I was happy to hear you'd come back, we weren't on the same side, but I didn't want either of you dead." Eiji staggered over to Kankurou, his legs still shaking from the terror of flight, "M-Mizuki wasn't able to come, being under _sentence of death_ and all that, but he wanted to. Tell Temari, when she and Shika get married, to tell us two weeks in advance! I want time to walk there! Slowly!" He started to laugh, but noticed everyone looking away... "Shikamaru left her, she was... She wasn't a good choice." "But she's _hot_!" Zaku blurted out, earning an elbow in the ribs from Kin. "If her own brother blames _her_ instead of the boyfriend, it must have been bad!" She whispered. "We'd probably better get inside, before they recognize you two as Oto-Nin." Kidoumaru jerked his head slightly toward the crowd. Like they already didn't know...

Suddenly, the crowd parted and two women, one with breasts bigger than Zaku's head, (his large, pointy mop of hair included), walked through. "Oh my God!" Kin whisperd to her boyfriend, "It's the Hokage!" "Are you going to leave your summon here forever, Zaku?" Zaku looked at her wide eyed, then turned and dissmissed the creature, sending it back to it's own realm. "He's probably happier at home." "She." Zaku corrected soflty, the woman was incredibly intimidating, he knew her from description, Tsunade-Sama, she had been a Genin on the same team as Orochimaru, back before he turned into an evil, perverted, body-stealing freak. It was impossible for Zaku to imagine Orochimaru as a wide-eyed, innocent _kid _at some point in the past, rather than a treacherous old pervert who'd kill his own mother for kicks...

Tsunade walked over to the two kids, "I never expected to see you two again." Kin drew up, "Well we were _dead_." "I know, I was one of the people who_ buried _your pathetic tails." Tsunade drew back suddenly, putting a hand to her errant mouth, _That was really not the best way to put it..._ She realized too late. _They... Buried us? Enemy ninja? They would actually do something that nice? _Zaku looked at the woman in shock. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Tsunade smiled down at them sadly. Zaku stared, "No, I was just. Surprised you went so far for us, after all..." She shook her head sadly, "Maybe, but you didn't deserve what he did to you. C'mon, let's talk inside." She put an arm around each of them, leaving them both struggling for air against her massive breasts. "Wait!" Eiji rushed over to the woman, "What are you going to do? If you hurt them I'll tear you apart, I don't care if you're the Hokage or the Shinigami himself" She looked at him blankly, "Eiji, isn't it? I wouldn't harm these kids, what reason would I have? Besides," She nodded towards a number of masked figures who hadn't been there before, "You'd have to fight through the ANBU to even try to tear me apart, and I doubt you could do that, you're a civilian, after all. I am one of the Legendary Sannin. IDATE!" Idate rushed over, "Go to the..." She leaned forward and started to whisper, "Go find Aburame Shino and tell him to stay inside, I don't know how Zaku would react to him... I'll be in my office if you need me."

"Hey, it's that pink-haired chick!" Zaku turned slightly, he couldn't turn very much due to the mountain pressing against his upper body. Kidoumaru walked over and kissed the pink-haired girl, "This is Sakura, she's my girlfriend..." "Nice catch!" Sakura looked at the boy in amusement, he hadn't aged a day. And there was reason for that, painful reason... The first time they'd met, she was twelve and he was fourteen, and he'd tried to kill her to get at Sasuke, on Orochimaru's orders, of course. The next time she'd seen him his arms had literally exploded due to Shino's Kikai bugs and his own stubborn, misplaced loyalty to the Snake. The last time... _The last time_ he'd been dead, cruelly _murdered _by the very creature he'd sacrificed so much for... "So, you remember me, Zaku?" Tsunade let them both loose, and they each took a big, grateful gasp of air, "Yeah, I remember you... Where's that blonde chick." "Still as polite as ever, I see." Sakura glared at him playfully, "You'll see her around... Hi Kin." Kin nodded politely.

"I can't believe it! Ino stole my style!" Kin leaned back in the soft chair. "No," Zaku said from somewhere behind her, he was checking out the fancy apartment they'd rented after talking with the Hokage about Akatsuki and what exactly had happened before... Before they were killed. She had been kind, but it was still hard to talk about. "She stole that Hyuuga punk's hairstyle. His hair is almost as girly as Deidara's". "Are you saying I have girly hair, Zaku?" Kin whipped around to look at the boy, "Uhh...What answer do you _want_ to hear?" She stood and walked over too him, "Icha Icha No Jutsu! Lip-Lock!" Zaku found himself against the wall, being kissed by his former teammate.

Eiji stood in silent shock, confused beyond belief, before him were three small, simple graves:_ Abumi Zaku, Tsuchi Kin, Kinuta Dosu_. The fact that he had been talking to two of the three less than an hour ago really drove home the realization of what had happened. He knew that, if he wished, which he did not, he could go and stand in the very place they'd been murdered, and he had little doubt were he to do the _unthinkable_, desecrate one of the graves, it would not be_ empty_...The fact that they were now alive was elating, but the fact that their graves stood before him, with the bodies the were born with inside, under the cold ground was disturbing beyond measure. Kidoumaru, who had led him to this wretched place, on his request, his _repeated_ requests, stood silently, Eiji could only imagine what he was thinking. He had noted that there was no grave marked _Kidoumaru_ anywhere, not that he'd seen, nor _Sakon, Ukon, Jirobo, Tayuya... _He knew enough of Ninja ways not to ask, he was sure they'd been examined, but then what?_ Perhaps some unmarked, mass grave outside of the normal cemetery..._ _It's tragic, no one deserves to go unmourned... Well, almost no one... The only fitting purpose for Orochimaru's grave, if it exists, would be to serve is as an urinal._.. "Is something funny? You laughed..." " I was just thinking of peeing on Orochimaru's grave..." Kidoumaru laughed at that, "I'd be happy to join you in that... C'mon, let's get back, before the little love birds do something stupid and you have_ three_ kids on your hands..."

To Be Continued . . .


	40. Chapter 40

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 40

"Where are you getting all of these new jutsu, Kin?" Zaku wiped a bit of lipstick from his face, "Not that I'm complaining..." Kin walked over to her duffel bag and pulled out a little orange book, _Icha Icha Tactics._ Zaku's eyes widened, "You have to be eighteen to buy these!" "Yeah, but kids younger than us can go into battle and kill people or die, adults are such hypocrites." She threw him the book, "Just don't let Eiji see it, and don't drool on it! I'm gonna have it signed by Jiraiya-Sensei!" Someone, Eiji no doubt, was knocking, _Who knocks on the door to their own apartment?_, so Zaku quickly shoved the book under his shirt. "Hey, We're going out to eat tonight," Eiji, Shikamaru and Kidoumaru walked in to the room, "How's barbeque sound?" "Fine!" Zaku squeaked, "I gotta change, I'll be right back!" he ran into one of the bedrooms and shut the door, "That's my room you idiot!" Kin called after him.

Zaku, with the perverted book safely hidden under his mattress, emerged from his room wearing a bright orange t-shirt and blue jeans, "I'm ready!" "You look like Naruto in that..." Shikamaru leaned lazily against the wall, "Did Kidoumaru tell you my troublesome parents adopted him?" "NO WAY!" "Nara...Kidoumaru!" Kin started laughing, "Nara Kidouamru and Nara Shikamaru!" "Don't laugh, it's a old and respected clan." Zaku looked at him, trying to keep a straight face, "Does that make you a deer-tick?" "That's it!" Kidoumaru grabbed the kid and gave him a noogie. "Awww! You jerk!" "Brat! You're almost as bad as my students!" Both Oto-Kids gasped at that, "STUDENTS!" "That's right," Eiji said, "He's an Assistant Instructor at the Academy, teaching ninja techniques to Genin." "How many have you killed yet?" Zaku snorted, only to earn another, fiercer noogie...

"Hana, what should we do about Temari? She's still my sister..." Hana looked at her fiancee sadly, the Inuzuka clan was known for it's fierceness, and Tsume was known to give 'Spankings from Hell' as Kiba called them, but they never treated people the way Kankurou had apparently been treated. "She should be there, she's important to you, despite whatever she may have done." She bared her fangs, "But if she lays a hand on anyone, I'll rip out her intestines and eat them!"

"I don't #! care what you #! think you #! fat #!" "I still say it's wrong." Tayuya raised a fist, "I'll #! show you #! wrong you #!" "Tayuya, th..." Dosu rolled his eyes, "I'm beginning to think you're a _masochist_, Jirobou. Just let it go." Ukon twisted around to see past his twin's head, "You should listen to him, Fatso. Besides, since when do we give a #! about morality? We're Oto-Ninja, the worst of the worst, and I know you didn't get into the Four by being a #! prude!" "Yeah, but I never did anything this mean." "Just #! shut the #! up or I'll #! your #! and serve you up as the #! main #! course for the #! worms you #! fat #!" "You're giving me another headache, you foul-mouthed #!" Tayuya turned and smiled sweetly at Sakon, "Oh you poor widdle baby... Can't take my big bad mouth? You're having those #! headaches because your #! head is too #! ugly to #! live, you #! queer!" Tayuya didn't have time to regret her choice of words as the Twin threw her bodily against a large tree trunk, "YOU #! #! #! Never say that #! again! I should #! kill you for that!" Sakon's voice was full of rage, his eyes glowed with murderous fury. Tayuya got up slowly, rubbing her aching back. Wide-eyed, she'd suddenly remembered what happened to boys who were pale and pretty in Orochimaru's grasp. "Sorry, I forgot..." It wasn't like Tayuya to apologize, even for that, but she knew what would happen if she didn't. "Just don't forget again!"Ukon sneered. As the Twins stalked off, Jirobou offered Tayuya a hand, which she promptly bit...

To Be Continued . . .


	41. Chapter 41

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 41

Shikamaru sat silently, picking at his food absently. _She'll be there, at the wedding, I know it. What should I do? Maybe... She could forgive me? NO! She did wrong, not me! I never hit her... God it hurts, the first girl I actually cared for, and this had to happen. It's not fair! Everyone I care about...I lost Asuma-Sensei, I almost lost Chouji and now I find out my first girlfriend is an abusive ... _He reached up and wiped his teary eyes, a bad decision as his hands were covered in barbeque sauce. "Ahhh!" He jumped up and grabbed a moist towel, wiping his eyes hurriedly. "Are you all right?" "Yeah, yeah, just... This is such messy, troublesome food..." Nobody bought his less-than-clever excuse, but no one wanted to press the issue. "If you want to go, just let me now and I'll come with you." "I can take care of myself, Kidoumaru!" Shikamaru shouted, then moaned and slapped his forehead, "I'm sorry, It's just so hard..." Zaku and Kin, who still didn't know what had happened, dropped their eyes to their plates, Eiji had warned them not to say anything about Temari or Shikamaru's odd behavior. Zaku broke the awkward silence with an equally awkward question, "Where's Shino? I haven't seen his ugly face around..."

Dosu dropped from the trees in front of his comrades with the grace of a cat, "Kin and Zaku are in Konoha." "WHAT! Why are those two #! in #! Konoha?" Tayuya yelled, "Maybe they're going to the wedding?" Jirobou offered, "I heard that that Puppet Master is a frend of Eiji's." "Well I #! hope they're not too #! attached to the little #!," This time the foul mouth was Ukon's, "Cause he's gonna be having a #! bad day when Sakon and I #! catch his puppet-luvin' #!" Sakon chuckled, "I wonder if he'll spend his honeymoon with his wife, or his puppets?!" "He's not gonna' have a #! honeymoon, dear brother, cause he's not gonna' have the #! equipment when I'm done with him!" "He was just protecting himself and his friend,it wasn't personal..." "Well, his puppet-loving #! should have just #! minded his own #! business, now he's gonna' #! pay for it!" "Ukon, how can I get Tayuya to stop cussing when you keep doing it too?" Jirobou immediately found Tayuya's fist in his privates and Ukon's fist on his nose. The sound of two voices cursing and one screaming could be heard for miles...

"I don't know about this..." Kidoumaru, Zaku and the others stood in front of the Aburame's door, "I really don't like This." Zaku pushed past him and started to knock as the door opened, and a certain young Kikai-Wielder stood in front of him. "Zaku?" Zaku's eyes narrowed, 'Shino..." "Look, Zaku I... AAAAAHHHHH!" Zaku punched Shino in the crotch at full strength, leaving the older boy screaming on the ground. "ZAKU!" Kidoumaru grabbed him as Eiji rushed to check on Shino, "You Brat! I thought you wanted to make peace with him!" Zaku struggled best he could in the grip of the six-armed ninja. "Peace my #! He blew my #! arms off!" Aburame Shibi had appeared at the sound of his son's agonized scream, and knelt over him in concern. "He's not seriously injured." Eiji reported, "Though he's going to be in pain for a while. I can help with Chakra, I'm a healer..." He put his hands over Shino, and began the healing process. When Shino was finally able to stand, he looked towards Zaku, tears still streaming from beneath those dark glasses, "I... I guess I... deserved... That..." "#! right you deserve that!" Kidoumaru hit Zaku on the back of the head, "Watch your mouth, Brat! He's trying to apologize!" he looked at Shibi and Shino, "I'm sorry, I thought this little weasel was going to be peaceful..." "Peaceful! Why shouMmmmmmmm..." Kidoumaru put his hand over Zaku's mouth, stemming the obscene tide that had been flowing from those lips. Kidoumaru carried the struggling boy off as everyone else stood around in shock.

"Hey, isn't that #! Suna Whore #! Puppet Boy's #! sister?" "Yeah." Tayuya grinned, "Hey, you think she'd be #! hurt more if I #! killed her dumb-#!brother or her #! lazy-#! boyfriend?" Ukon looked up, "Brother, definitely." "Hn, But I still #! owe that Lazy -#! Pineapple-Headed #!, I'll let you two #! take the #! brother, since he #! killed you, and I'll #! with Lazy Boy." "Literally?" "Hah! Like I'd #! with that #!, he'd probably #! sleep through it, the #! lazy pig!" "Ooooh! Tayuya has a boyfriend! Tayuya has a boyfriend!" The Twins started chanting, "Yeah, you'll #! see how much I #! love that #! when I catch his sorry #!" Sakon grinned perversely. "I remember that guy, not too bad looking, for a Konoha Freak." "Compared to your #! sorry #!, even that #! fa-#! is good looking!" Said fat-#! looked at Tayuya through black eyes, he wasn't about to say anything else to the violent little female.

As soon as they entered the apartment, Kidoumaru simply dropped Zaku to the floor, "What the hell! Why are you protecting him!?" 'I'm protecting you, you idiot! What do you think you're doing, attacking that brat like that?" Zaku glared at him, "He blew off my #! arms!" Kidoumaru roughly grabbed Zaku by the wrists, "You have your arms back!" Zaku fell back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. "It's his fault. It's his fault I was killed, he made me useless!" Kidoumaru drew back to hit the boy, but held back, the poor kid needed help, not hitting... Instead he tried to reason with him, "Look, Zaku, I'm sorry, but Orochimaru would have killed you anyway, I know it's hard to hear, but he never cared, he never valued you, the only potential he ever saw in you was as cannon fodder..." Zaku curled into a fetal position and started sobbing, "I know... I know. H-he was using me... But he was the first person to ever be kind to me... I always thought... If I hadn't been hurt..." Kidoumaru held the boy against his chest, "He didn't deserve someone as loyal as you. And you deserved much better." The door opened and Eiji and Kin walked in, Eiji knelt beside the boys while Kin stood shocked."Zaku!" "He's... He should be alright, he just needs time..."

To Be Continued . . .


	42. Chapter 42

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 42

Kidoumaru finally got home at about midnight, and his parents were waiting for him. "Are you alright, Kidoumaru?" Yoshino asked as the normally energetic boy all but collapsed on the couch. "Zaku, he had some kind of breakdown..." "He's been through a lot, hasn't he? Poor child." "Yeah." Shikato walked over and sat next to Kidoumaru, "You've been through a lot too." Kidoumaru yawned and stood up, "I better get some sleep, the wedding is tomorrow night." "Kidoumaru. You know, if you need to talk about anything, we'll listen." "Yeah." He headed up the stairs to his room. "He's been helping Shika, and now this... I wish he'd open up with us, I'm afraid he's trying to fight through something himself, and alone at that."

"I think you need to see someone about that." Dosu crouched in front of Sakon, who was leaning against a tree, holding his head. "Who? Am I gonna' waltz into Konoha and say "Hey guys, remember me? I helped kill your Hokage, can I have some aspirin? Please and thank you!' They'd kill me, and I'd deserve it for being so stupid!" "Eiji's a healer, and he wouldn't turn us over... As long as he doesn't know why we're here..." "So go get the #!, before this #! freak's head explodes!" Dosu lept into the trees and vanished.

Eiji sat on the couch in his apartment, the doctor he'd called had given Zaku a sedative and a dose of anti-anxiety medication, putting him to sleep, then left, promising to return in the morning. Zaku was finally asleep, Kin was, hopefully, asleep, she'd been very concerned about the boy. Eiji walked over to Zaku's room and looked in, the boy was still asleep._ God, what can I do for him?_ Eiji gently shut the door and quietly walked into the kitchen for a cold glass of water. _He needs someone better able to deal with his problems, his getting better is more important than my..._ Eiji turned to see the hunched figure of a blonde boy standing in the living room, staring at him. "Who..." He noted the massive fur pelt hanging down the boy's back. "Dosu!" Dosu grinned, "That's me. I'm surprised you could tell, without the bandages." "T-the pelt." Eiji stammered, 'I recognized the pelt." Dosu cocked his head at an odd angle, "Sakon's sick, real sick. We need your help. We can't exactly come into Konoha, not openly, anyway." "What's wrong with him?" Eiji rushed over to his bag and pulled out his medical kit, "Is he with you?" "He's been having terrible headaches. He's outside the city, in the woods." Eiji quickly scribbled out a note for Kin and Zaku, "I'm ready. But if he's serious, we'll need to get a professional." Eiji followed Dosu out the window, he'd had to slip out of some tight places with Eiichiro, so he was no stranger to stealth.

"What happened?" Shikamaru stepped into Kidoumaru's room. "Zaku, he isn't doing well. I'm worried about him." Shikamaru sat down next to the Spider-Nin, "It was probably just seeing Shino again. I think he really did go there to make peace, he probably saw him, the memories came back and he snapped. He was in bad shape when I first saw him, night terrors, hiding away from the world. He has a therapist in Kusagakure, and he's on medication that seems to help. Don't worry, everyone has setbacks." Kidoumaru looked Shikamaru in the eyes, "Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm... I'm dealing with it. Hurts like hell, but I'll live."

Eiji ran his hands over Sakon's head, gently searching for the source of his pain. "When did this start?" "Two days ago. He's been having headaches for weeks, but they only got really bad the past few days." Eiji picked Sakon and Ukon up, "We need to get you to a hospital." Ukon's eyes widened, "What is it?" "Sakon's very ill," took a deep breath, "He has a small tumor near his brain, he needs real medical attention, or he'll die." Everyone stared in horror. "But, if he goes into Konoha, if they go into Konoha, they'll be killed!" "No, I don't believe so. Kidoumaru's living in Konoha, Zaku and Kin received a warm welcome... Besides, you're with Iwa now, and Iwa has a treaty with Konoha. Even if they wanted to hurt you, they wouldn't risk war over it." He looked down at the Twins, "I have to take you now. "Do whatever you have to, I'll take the chance, if it'll help Sakon." Ukon was trying to remain calm, but he sounded panicked. "I'm going now, if you want to follow me, do it." Eiji rushed off into the darkness, toward Konoha, the remaining former Oto-Nin on his heels.

To Be Continued . . .


	43. Chapter 43

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 43

The odd group stood around the hospital, waiting for word on Sakon's condition. Ukon, who had physically separated from his twin to make it easier for the surgeons, was beside himself. Kidoumaru walked in, with Kin and a drowsy Zaku in tow. "I got them for you, but Zaku's still a bit out of it. I would have let him sleep, but I didn't want to leave him alone." Jirobou sat in a corner, nervously eating snacks he'd bought from a machine, Tayuya, for once, was silent and Dosu was pacing. Dosu walked over to his former teammates, "What's wrong with Zaku?" "He had a breakdown, they had to sedate him." Kin said quietly, earning a glare from Zaku, "Tell everyone why don't you..." He muttered sleepily. "Here," Kidoumaru lifted the boy and laid him on a couch nearby, "Just get some sleep." "I was sleeping, you woke..." He yawned, and fell into a deep sleep. "Any word?" Kidoumaru turned to Dosu, "Not yet." A familiar pink-haired medic walked over to the group, "Ukon?" Ukon jumped up, "What's wrong? Is he going to be alright?" She nodded, "The surgery was a success, but given the nature of the surgery he'll have to stay here for at least a few days." Jirobou put an arm around Ukon's shoulder, "See, he's gonna be fine." The surgeon came in and took Ukon to the recovery room to be with his brother as Sakura walked over to Zaku and knelt over him, "Is he alright?" Kidoumaru touched her arm, "He had a... reaction to seeing Shino, punched him in the balls. I had to drag him home, and he had a breakdown. He's sedated." Sakura looked up at Kidoumaru with worried eyes, "He saw a doctor then?" "Yes, a man named Masuda. He said it should pass..." "I know Masuda, he does good work..." They were suddenly cut off by a eerie silence, and turned to see Shikamaru standing in the doorway, staring at Tayuya, who was glaring back at him.

"Just what I #! needed! Like this #! day couldn't get any worse!" Shika just shook his head, "I think you have bigger problems right now. How's Sakon?" "He got through the surgery okay. He should be find, he just needs to recover from the operation itself." Sakura informed the Nara. "That's good." He walked over and sat down in a nearby chair. "Like you care, #!head!" Shikamaru turned, "We didn't want to kill any of you, you guys attacked us, remember? We defended ourselves." Tayuya started toward the Nara, only to be held back by Jirobou, "It's not the time or place for that!" Tayuya growled and sat down across from Shikamaru, so she could glare at him better. _Hmmm, this #! isn't so #! bad▴looking... Even if he ain't got any #! emotions._ She examined him, the mesh shirt revealing his (Surprisingly nice) upper body, the moderately tight shorts, she slapped herself mentally, _What the hell am I doing! I'm gonna' #! kill this #! punk when I get the chance. It's a #! shame though, he is pretty #! cute, what a #! waste. Maybe he'll #! turn around and give me a view of his..._ "Take a picture, it'll last longer." Shikamaru looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "YOU stupid #!, you #! think I'm #! desperate enough to look at your #! bony #!" "You sure were checking me out a minute ago," He still sounded as bored as ever. That #! "Look, #!, don't #! flatter yourself! I've seen better looking guys than you in the #! kennels!"

"My, what a mouth you have, you must be Tayuya..." "And who the #! are you?" "Tsunade, Hokage of Konohagakure." Tayuya turned to see a woman with unnaturally large breasts standing behind her. Eiji stepped forward, ever the naive peacemaker. "They're just here for medical attention, they don't mean any harm." Tayuya had to stop herself from laughing, _That's what you think, Spider_-Boy. "Besides, they're with Iwa now, and Konoha has a treaty with Iwa..." The Hokage shook her head, "You really don't trust me, do you, Eiji?" Eiji looked her in the eye, "I don't see any malice in your eyes, but I know how enemy ninja are treated in all of the villages, even if they are only former enemies." Tsunade smiled, "Former enemies, like Kankurou and Gaara? You've seen how badly we've treated them, not to mention Kidoumaru, Zaku, Kin..." "Sorry, I, I've just seen a lot of the worst of people..." 'I understand, I grew up with Orochimaru, after all, I knew him before he became that_ thing_." She turned to the others, "You may stay, for now, but there are going to be ANBU on your tails 24/7, if any of get up to no good, you'll find yourselves in a cell, with a lot of pain to keep you company... _Understood_?" "Yeah, whatever, you big-boobed #!" Tsunade whirled around to Tayuya, "What did you say, you piece of #!" What followed was a loud, obnoxious battle of curses that finally left Tayuya defeated and everyone else wanting a to take a long shower._ Nobodies' ever out-cussed me before! Not even Ukon!_ Tayuya was in awe of this remarkable woman,_ She can cuss, fight and look #! good doing it! And she's in her #! sixties! Life's not #! fair! _Tsunade looked over the traumatized spectators, "I'd best be going, a Hokage's work is never done." _And my sake stash is calling me..._ She turned one more time, there was something she needed to know, "Dosu, right? How did you get that pelt-thing back? You were wearing it when we..." Dosu looked at her innocently, "You really don't want to know, but..." Tsunade staggered out of the room, _I really didn't need to know that! God, I need a drink!_

Shikamaru stood up and walked over to Zaku, and bent over him to see how he was doing, and Tayuya suddenly found her traitorous eyes drawn to a certain area of the Lazy-Nin's body. _Finally! About #! time that #! lazy-#! got up! Not #! bad, not #! bad at all. It really is a #! shame I'm gonna #! kill the little #!_ Shikamaru turned, "Tayuya, are you looking at my..." "You #! stuck-up #! prick! You think you're so #! good▴looking that I can't #! resist you! I'm still #! gonna #! kill your sorry #! when I get the #! chance! You and that #! blonde Suna #! whore!" Shikamaru took in the threat, "Why? What good would it do you? Why are you so hell-bent on killing us? What would it accomplish? Are you just trying to prove to yourself that Temari's victory was some kind of fluke and that you should have won? It wasn't a fluke, Temari killed you and she could easily do it again. I'm weak, I admit it, you could kill me right now, but you don't stand a chance against her, no matter how many times you come back from the dead to try it. So do us all a favor," He went back to his chair, "Take your new life and enjoy it, and spare me the guilt of..." Shikamaru gasped, _What did I just say!? Guilt?_ "Uhhh... D▴don't make Temari go to the trouble of killing you again." She smirked, "You #! stupid #! Pineapple-Head, it's the same #! song as before, you didn't want to #! kill me then, and you still can't bring yourself to #! do it now! You #! idiot, I was going to kill you slowly before that #! whore arrived, I won't #! show you any #! mercy, I'll #! torture you to death with a #! smile, and I don't care how #! cute you are!" Every head in the room turned towards Tayuya, even Shikamaru shed his normally lazy expression for one of utter shock. Tayuya turned beet red, "I didn't mean it _that_ way you #! perverts!"

To Be Continued . . .


	44. Chapter 44

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 44

Zaku stirred gently on his bed, he'd been brought back the the apartment by Eiji after it became clear that Sakon would recover, "Hey, Zaku, are you alright?" Zaku's eyes fluttered open and he looked Kin in the eyes. "Mmmm... I had the weirdest dream, I dreamed Tayuya and Tsunade-Sama were mud-wrestling, and..." "You little pervert!" Kin leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. "I guess that means you're alright." Eiji smiled. "If I say I'm sick, will you kiss me again?" "Certainly!" "I was talking to Kin!"

Tsume watched as the final preparations were made, the chairs moved into place, the long carpet for the couple to walk down, the flowered archway. She sighed happily, _My daughter's marriage, and to a boy I actually approve of! I never thought I'd see the day, I just wish her father were here to see this... Poor Kankurou, he's an orphan, his father was a real #!, but I wish his mother could be here_. She frowned slightly,_ I don't know what I'll do when Temari shows her face around here, but she is his sister... That adorable Gaara, I wonder if Temari beats him too? I doubt it, if she'd ever laid a hand on him she'd be resting in pieces beneath a mountain of sand. Gaara may be sweet, but the Shukaku would never take abuse from anyone._ "Tsume-sama." She turned to see, of all people, Uchiha Obito. "Obito, it's good to see you." Obito smiled, "Where should Obito put his gift?" "We're having the reception at our home, just go by and talk to Kiba, he'll put it with the others." "Kiba? Oh, your son, Obito was dead when he was born, or something." Tsume looked at him sadly, she'd known Uchiha Obito as a child, he was probably the only Uchiha outside of Makoto, Sasuke's mother, who seemed to have any real claim to humanity. Seeing him so badly treated by fate was hard. "Obito, Thank you. It means a lot to me." Obito smiled pure sunshine, "It's nothing. This is Hana and Kankurou's big day, and Obito is happy to help make them happy." The tough▴as▴nails Inuzuka hugged the gentle Uchiha, "I always did like you, Obito."

Kankurou stood over the glass case, staring at the large variety of fresh flowers, they'd gotten most of the flowers already, but this was special. Yamanaka Inoichi stood beside him patiently, "We don't have flowers like this in Suna, the ones we do have are usually from cacti." Inoichi smiled, "Cacti have some of the most beautiful flowers of all." Kankurou nodded in agreement. "I know you already knew this, but _Hana_ means Flower. And that she is, jan. A truly beautiful flower." "Have you decided yet? I'm not trying to rush you, I'm just curious." Kankurou pointed to a specific corsage, "That one." "Ah, the white rose, a beautiful choice." He walked over to another case and pulled out a thin, elaborate box, 'I'll just wrap it up for you." "Thank you." he paused thoughtfully, "What was it like? Your wedding, were you nervous?" Inoichi laughed 'Nervous, I was pertrified! I was almost tempted to do like Shikato did before he proposed to Yoshino... Get blind drunk!" They both laughed, "But I was in love, I am still in love with my wife, and I fought through the fear and just took the plunge. I've never regretted it, except once every month..." "Oh, I almost forgot about that! When it hits Temari, she hits everybody, jan!" Inoichi nodded gently, He didn't particularly find it funny, considering recent revelations about Temari's treatment of her brother and her ex-boyfriend, but at least Kankurou could still laugh about it. He gently placed the corsage within the box, careful not to bruise the fragile petals. He was happy to talk to Kankurou, the boy had no parents, no father to ask questions of, not that the Kazekage would have answered with anything but insults or violence, and Inoichi had no sons, though he loved Ino more than life itself, he still wished he had a son to go with his perfect daughter. "Here you go, kid. On the house." "I can pay!" "Your money's no good here, Kankurou. You'll need it for your honeymoon." Kankurou bowed gratefully, "Thank you, Inoichi-San." The Florist/Ninja reached over and ruffled the Puppet Master's brown hair, "Just be good to her. Never take your girl for granted, and never, ever disagree with her!" Kankurou laughed and pulled back, "Thanks for the advice, you're a great guy, jan." "I only hope when Ino marries, she'll marry a good boy like you or Rock Lee..."

_So, this is where that #! lives._ Tayuya looked up toward Shikamaru's house, _#! ANBU, if not for them, I could #! go right in and #! kill that #!_ She saw something moving on the roof, and noticed a figure dropping onto the veranda outside of the brat's window, and she took cover behind a small tree, peering around to see who it was. Nara Shikamaru apparently didn't see her, he just yawned and stretched. He was wearing only a pair of shorts, and Tayuya's eyes widened as the boy stretched his muscles, his nice, tight muscles... She gaped at the Pineapple-Head's smooth, pale skin, _How the #! does a guy who lays in the sun watching #! clouds all day stay so #! pale?_, She also couldn't help but notice that his shorts were a few sizes too small, _#! bum's probably too #! lazy to buy new ones,_ not that she was complaining.

She almost passed out as he turned and bent to go into his window, giving her a perfect view of his butt. "#!, that lucky blonde #! Suna #!" Shikamaru suddenly shot upright and spun around, staring towards the street and Tayuya, who was rather poorly hidden. His eyes widened and his cheeks turned bright red, "What are you...?" He covered his chest with his arms and scurried through his window, "Go away! You Troublesome Pervert!" He shouted from safely inside. "Well, people wouldn't #! stare if you didn't #! run around in #! tight little #! shorts like a little #! man▴whore!" She heard a loud groan from inside, and the window slammed shut, followed by the curtains. _#! exhibitionist!What's he #! expect!? #! ANBU, if it wasn't for them I could #! sneak in and #! catch that hot #! in the #! shower!_ "GO AWAY!" "Don't #! advertize if you aint' #! selling!" She suddenly noticed people staring, "What the #! are you #! looking at, you #! freaks!"

"Jirobou!" Jirobou looked up from his lunch to see Kidoumaru hurrying through the hospital yard toward him. "Oh, Hi Kidoumaru." The Spider-Nin sat next to his old teammate under the tree he was sitting beside, a determined look on his face, "Why are you guys here?" Jirobou took a big gulp of air, "Because Sakon is sick." "And there are no hospitals in Iwagakure? What were you guys doing outside of Konoha?" Jirobou's eyes widened, "W▴we were just, just passing by on our way to... Ame?" "Nice try, fat-boy, but you're lying. Ame is the other way. Spill it." Jirobou's chubby face turned pale, "We... We..." "Spit it out!" "We came here for revenge! Sakon, Ukon and Tayuya wanted to attack that Puppet Master, Gaara, his sister, the Dog-Boy and that Shikamaru! To get them all together at the wedding!" Kidoumaru's eyes narrowed dangerously, "That's low even for us." "I told them it was wrong, but Tayuya beat me up and... _Us_?" "Do you think I've just forgotten you guys, written you off? I was worried sick about you jerks, and now you come back here to break up those poor kids' wedding and kill my friends, my family!?" Jirobou grabbed him by the arm, 'Please, if they find out, they'll kill us! Worse than that, we'll be tortured!" "Tell Tayuya and the Creep Twins to call the game off, or you'll all be wishing you'd stayed dead!" Jirobou was near panic, "Please! Kidoumaru, please!" "Did you idiots even think what would happen if you did this? You work for Iwagakure, Iwa would get blamed for this sick game and there'd be a war! Even if you got out of Konoha alive, Iwa would hunt you down! God, you guys are such idiots!" Jirobou was practically on his hands and knees, but Kidoumaru was too mad to listen, "Tell the others to scrap this now, or I'll kill you all myself!" Kidoumaru stormed off, leaving Jirobou under the tree, shaking in terror.

To Be Continued . . .


	45. Chapter 45

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 45

Tayuya nearly collided with Kidoumaru in the street as she walked back toward the hospital, "Watch where the #! you're going you #! idiot!" She looked at his face and suddenly realized something was very, very wrong. He was angry, not just angry, but enraged. She'd never seen him like that, usually, even when fighting an enemy he had a smile on his face, but now, he had murder in his eyes, "Tayuya,what were you doing here?" His voice was cold and deadly, "I just went to see where that #! lives." Kidoumaru looked at her with such pure rage that she felt her knees start to buckle, "If you lay a finger on Shikamaru I'll tear you limb from limb!" "I just #! looked at him! I swear! I just #! looked at him!" Kidoumaru's eyes narrowed to dark slits, "If you lay a hand on Shikamaru, or anyone in this village, or anyone at all, I swear I'll kill you as slowly and painfully as I can." "What the #!?" "_Shut up_!" He growled, "I know why you came here! And if you don't call it off, the interrogators will be the least of your problems, do you understand me, you trash?" Tayuya felt a cold shiver in her spine, 'Y-yes..." "Good! Remember it!" Kidoumaru took one last glare at her, and continued on his way.

Kidoumaru slammed the door behind him and rushed upstairs, "Shika! Are you alright?" Shikamaru stuck his head out of his room and looked at the boy in embarrassed shock, "I'm alright, but that perverted little girl was ogling me! I think she's," He made a disgusted face, "Attracted to me!" Kidoumaru's expression changed from rage to disbelief to amusement, "What?" "She was looking at me like a piece of meat! She called me a 'man-whore!' She was a lot less scary when she wanted to kill me!" Kidoumaru had to lean against the wall to keep from falling over laughing, _Tayuya, hitting on Shikamaru? I always thought she was a man-hating lesbian! _"What! You don't think a girl could be attracted to me?" "No, I always thought Tayuya played on the other team!" Kidoumaru sunk to his knees, laughing so hard his sides hurt, "I thought she'd killed you, and she was just... looking to lay your lazy tail!" He finally slid to the ground, laughing helplessly...

Eiji adjusted Zaku's tie, the boy had practically fought to keep the hateful thing from being tied around his neck, as if it had been a hangman's noose, but he had to wear it, it was, after all, a wedding he was going to. "It's too tight!" "It's supposed to be tight." "What master torturer came up with these things, anyway?!" "There, it's finished." As soon as Eiji released his grip, Zaku ran, pulling off the tie and tossing it out the window. Eiji rushed to the window, far too late to catch the thing. "Zaku!" Zaku was already unbuttoning his dress shirt, "Oh no you don't! You'll wear this or I'll drag you there stark naked!" "At least I'd be comfortable!" Eiji sank to the couch and put his head in his hands, "Zaku, just wear the stupid thing!" Kin shouted, she wasn't exactly happy with the pale green dress she had to wear, but she'd accepted it, "I for one don't want to see your sorry butt going around naked!" Zaku grinned, "Are you sure about that?" he sighed dramatically, "Okay, I'll wear the stupid monkey-suit... But NO tie!" Eiji wanted to scream, "Okay, no tie. But behave yourself!"_ Maybe I went a bit too far, Eiji's a nice guy...Even if he does want me to wear a silk noose.._. Zaku bounced onto the couch next to his caretaker, and put an arm around him. "I'm sorry... I just can't stand those things. Don't get upset, okay?" Eiji looked at him in disbelief, Zaku, sorry?! "Alright, kid. Apology accepted. Just don't moon the bride or anything..."

Ukon looked at Jirobou and Tayuya, "We can't go through with it anyway, not with Sakon in such bad shape right now." "But that #! Spider-#! threatened us!" "Well, technically, Tayuya, we did threaten his family..." "Shut the #! up, Fat-#!, that's not the #! point!" Ukon wasn't amused, "Shut up, both of you. I don't #! care about Kidoumaru, you or Kabuki-Boy right now. I'm not going to endanger Sakon for some #! stupid revenge fantasy. It's off!" Ukon turned and walked back into Sakon's room. "What's wrong, bro?" Ukon sat next to the bed, "Kidoumaru knows why we came here. #! Fatso told him. He said he'd kill us all if we tried anything." Sakon snorted painfully, 'Yeah, like I'm gonna' drag my #! outta bed to kill Kabuki-Boy, as drugged-up and sick as I am. And you can't do much without me, can ya' bro? So, what do we do now?" "Nothing. Wedding's in a few hours, not that I care anymore." He smiled and adjusted his brother's blanket, "You're all that matters right now. Just rest and concentrate on getting better."

To Be Continued . . .


	46. Chapter 46

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 45

Kiba laughed wildly as he caught his first sight of Hana in her wedding kimono, the most feminine article of clothing he'd ever seen her wear was ribbon in her long hair, and that wasn't even pink! Hana glared at him, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror, pup? You look like a penguin that threw up a hairball!" Hana straightened the white and gold silk uncomfortably as her mother came into the room. "What's with all the laughing?" "She looks like a girl!" Tsume smiled, "Yes, yes she does." She held out a thin, beautiful box. "Kankurou wanted me to give this to you." Hana opened the box to find a corsage with white roses, "It's beautiful!" "He certainly does have an eye for flowers, doesn't he, Hana?" "It's funny, when I met him I thought he was an arrogant, creepy bully, or is he just like that with us guys?" Tsume smacked her son in the back of the head. "What! It's the truth!"

Zaku noted jealously that Eiji was wearing a sleeveless shirt and vest instead of a full suit, "Why do you get to wear that when I have to look like a dork in this?" Eiji posed all six arms dramatically, "Because I can't wear a full suit with these." Kin slapped her forehead, Honestly that boy is so stupid! "Besides, unlike you, I'm wearing a tie!" "Yeah...I Guess I shouldn't complain." "Icha Icha No Jutsu! Rear Grope!" Zaku yelped and jumped a good three feet when Kin grabbed his rear, "KIN!" Kin giggled, "I can't help it, you look so cute in that!" Zaku looked over his suit, "Yeah, I guess it's not so bad..." "The Rear Grope technique! That's one of my classics!" They all turned to see an old man with white hair and two red tattoos under his eyes. "Jiraiya-Sensei! I love your book!" Kin shouted, "I love it too!" Zaku shouted, "I don't love it!" Eiji growled, "So you're the creep teaching these kids all those perverted jutsu!" "It's not like we were innocent before...." "That's beside the point, Zaku!" Jiraiya's eyes widened, "What is it with you six-armed guys?! Are you all prudes?!" Zaku had to hold Eiji back while Jiraiya ran for his life.

Kidoumaru stood patiently as Shikamaru tied his tie for him, something the Spider-Nin had never done before, Oto wasn't much for formal wear. "There." Kidoumaru looked into the full length mirror, he too was wearing a sleeveless shirt and vest, and he looked pretty darn good, if he did say so himself. "Kido, did you tell Kankurou about the others?" Kidoumaru frowned, "No, this day is supposed to be for Hana and him, besides, with Sakon in the hospital, he and Ukon can't do anything. And I think I put enough fear into the others to keep them away." He turned to Shikamaru, "So, Tayuya of Oto was hitting on you?" "I guess no girl can resist my undeniable charms..." "That or she's gone blind!" Shika elbowed the Spider-Nin in the ribs.

_I #! want #! revenge! But it's such a #! waste to ruin such a #! hot body!_ Tayuya was on the horns of a dilemma, she'd hated Shikamaru for so long, and now... _"Come to #! think of it, it really was all that #! Suna tramp's fault... He's actually sweet, the #! stupid weak #!, his soft #! wouldn't have lasted five #! minutes in Oto! Being nice is #! suicide there! Maybe_, An evil plan hit her,_ Maybe I could #! rape him and let his #! girlfriend watch, then #! kill her and keep him as a #!#! toy! Yeah I could get a #! leash, and keep him chained #! naked in my #! room..._ The Oto Kunoichi began to laugh evilly to herself "Better than getting a #! dog!" "Hey, Tayuya!" Tayuya jumped ten feet, "What the #! do you #! want you #! fat #!" Jirobou fell backwards in terror, "I... Dosu just told me Shikamaru and Temari broke up! She was beating him or something..." "That stupid #!, she had that hot #! and she #! beat him #! away!" "W- what's the m-matter, Tayuya, j-jealous?" Jirobou ran before she could hit him, "Get back here you #!, I'll #! kick your fat #! so hard you'll be #! tasting my #! foot!"

As soon as Jirobou was gone, Tayuya lay back and considered the new information...

To Be Continued . . .


	47. Chapter 47

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 47

Sakon lay back and looked around at the various IV's and tubes feeding into his body, it hurt, it hurt like hell, but at least the headaches seemed to be gone. He'd been extremely surprised, to say the least, to wake up in a Konoha Hospital, as a patient and not a prisoner, but hey, if these Konoha freaks could fix him up, who was he to complain? Ukon lay fast asleep across a small couch near the bed, without Sakon's vitality, Ukon's already low stamina was badly weakened. Living almost 24/7 inside of his brother's body meant that he didn't get much in the way of exercise, and without the Cursed Seal to strengthen him, he was almost helpless without his brother._ I was always the strong one, wasn't I? He was the tough one, the fierce one, but I had the strength. 'Till that #! Puppet▴Boy came along... And I couldn't save either of us..._ Sakon shifted slightly as he noticed a presence in the room, "Who's there..." "You look like hell, jan." "UKON! Get up!" Ukon stumbled to his feet to see an unfamiliar face, a handsome young man with spikey brown hair and a well-muscled form concealed by a tuxedo, of all things... "Who the hell?!" "It's the Puppet Master!" Sakon pointed at the boy, "That's right, jan. And my name's Kankurou." "You're name's gonna be dead meat when I catch your #! puppet-luvin' #!" Ukon lunged, but Kankurou caught him easily. Ukon hit at him, but he was too weak to do any damage. "Let him go, you #!" Sakon couldn't very well get up to do anything, and Kankurou picked Ukon up bodily and set him gently on the couch. "I just came to see you two, not to fight." "Sure, you just came here to change the #! bedpan! We don't want your sympathy, freak! Get out of here!" "I just thought you might want to talk..." "Talk? Talk is for these weak Konoha losers! You're from Suna! Or has that Dog-Girl of yours made you soft!" "Because I know that it's stupid for everyone to kill each other over things that don't matter anymore!" "Don't matter?" Sakon laughed in disbelief, "You killed me, killed my brother, and you think that doesn't matter!?"

Kankurou looked at him, clearly trying to keep his temper in check, "You're alive now, aren't you... Are you willing to lose your lives again over this? Orochimaru is dead, Otogakure has fallen, and you've been brought back from the dead, and the only thing you idiots can think of to do with your freedom and your lives is to throw them away!" Ukon glared at him, "Why didn't you just leave well enough alone and let us finish that #! Dog-Boy! It wasn't any of your business!" "Tell me, Ukon, does it make you feel like more of a man to hunt a scared twelve-year old down like a dog?" "Don't give me that sentimental #! You would have killed him if you'd ran into him during the invasion! Would you have just let the little brat get away?" Kankurou shifted uncomfortably, "To answer your question, I _would_ have killed him, I also most killed his teammate, Shino... I'm not proud of it, it was my job to fight, but I wouldn't have tortured him like that. It would have been in a decent battle, not when he was running away injured and helpless." Sakon snarled at him, "Well aren't you the sweet little guy! So kind to your enemies... You're full of #! and you know it!" "I'm not going to waste all day trying to talk sense into you idiots. I just thought maybe..." "We'd forgive you? You're even dumber than you look! Why would we forgive you?" "Out of the goodness of our hearts?" Ukon chimed in mockingly. Kankurou looked at his watch, "I don't have time for this, I've got something far more important to do than whine over the past." He walked away, and Sakon turned to his brother, "You know, we do have a second chance, we could do anything we want... Look at Kidoumaru, he's got a home, a family, a girlfriend..." "We're even bigger freaks than he is, we'll never have those thing, Sakon... But it would be nice..."

"You!" Tayuya turned to see Temari, wearing a ridiculous pink dress, staring at her. "So, you're alive You #! Oto scum!" Tayuya tried not to laugh at the girl's outfit, "I've been looking for your sorry #! I'll #! kill you!" Temari wasn't in the mood, "You want to die again, _little girl_? After the #! week I've had, I'll be more than happy to kill your #!." Tayuya smiled, "Oh, yeah, you got caught beating the #! out of your boyfriend, didn't you! And he left your stupid #! You idiot, if I had a piece of #! like that, I wouldn't #! beat him!" Temari looked at her, wide-eyed, then started laughing, "Like Shikamaru would ever want a dirty, foul-mouthed little pig like you..." Tayuya turned bright red, 'Oh, it's #! on, you rich bitch!" The screaming, cursing red-headed harpy tore into the blonde tramp, shreds of pink and red flying everywhere... A small crowd gathered to watch the girls beat the hell out of each other, but even the ANBU trailing Tayuya were afraid to step in...

"I don't see Temari anywhere..." Kankurou stood nervously beside his groomsmen, looking around at the gathering crowd. "She'll be here, don't worry." Gaara was as calm as ever, "Ten minutes..." Kankurou looked at his watch. "Hey, look at Hana!" Shikamaru nodded toward Hana, who was wearing a stunning white and gold kimono, "Oh my God!" Kankurou was enraptured, "She's incredible!" Kiba looked over disinterestedly, "I guess she cleans up good..." "Oh my God..." "What happened to her!" Gaara turned to see what everyone was murmuring about, "Temari's here." He dead panned. Kankurou's eyes widened, Temari was bleeding from her nose and lips, her dress was torn to rags, and he could clearly see some of her hair had been ripped out. She was hobbling on a broken shoe, being supported by an ANBU. "TEMARI!" He rushed over, along with half the assembled crowd, "What happened?" "That Oto #!, she attacked me!" Kidoumaru didn't know what to do, he wanted to thank Tayuya for beating that abusive tramp, but she'd also probably single-handedly derailed the wedding...

"Wow, Tayuya did that?" Zaku jumped from his chair, "Shut up, Zaku!" Eiji pulled him right back down. "Tsume sure doesn't look too upset, Hana either..." "Well, they don't much like Temari, and now that I know more about her, I don't either..." Eiji glared at the woman. Tsume stepped out in front of the group, "We'd better take about an hour or so to get Temari cleaned up, then we'll be able to get these kids hitched." "I'll be right back. Don't wait for me!" Kidoumaru started to run, then turned, "Oh, yeah, anybody know where Tayuya is now?"

To Be Continued . . .


	48. Chapter 48

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 48

Tayuya stopped in her tracks, she hadn't recognized the man with the horribly mangled face, but she certainly recognized his sickeningly sweet voice. "Tobi!" "Tobi is Obito now." _Right, whatever you #! say, you scary #! lunatic! _"What's wrong, Tayuya?" _What's wrong? #! Madara is wrong_! "You're not M-Madara right now, are you?" Even Tayuya can clean up her language when it's a matter of life and death, "Oh, you don't need to be scared of Madara anymore, Obito killed Madara!" _Yeah... #! this guy is scary!_ "Tayuya!" Oh #! Tayuya turned to see Kidoumaru, who was wearing a ridiculous tuxedo. "She started it! That #! Suna tramp called me a 'dirty pig'!" Kidoumaru smiled, "Thanks for beating that trash, the whore had it coming. I just wished you'd waited about an hour..." Tayuya looked at Kidoumaru stupidly, "Huh? Oh, is it 'cause she #! beat on #! lazy boy?" "Yeah... How'd you find out?" "Dosu told Jirobou, Jirobou told me..." "And you went to defend his honor?" Kidoumaru smiled at her, "I didn't know you were a romantic, Tayuya." "#! right! Like I'd #! that!" "Woah! Obito's ears are bleeding!" "Obito-Sempai, why are you here?" Kidoumaru walked over to the older man, "Obito decided to see Sakon and Ukon again before the wedding, since the wedding was postponed. "You've got about forty-five minutes, I'll come with you. I haven't talked to the Creep Twins yet..."

Kin snuck off while Eiji was preoccupied by the rambunctious Zaku, she didn't intend to be gone long. She pulled out _Icha Icha Tactics_, which she'd had hidden in that ridiculous purse Tomoe had given her, and walked over to the white-haired Sannin, who was busy looking through a hole at the women's bathhouse. "Jiraiya-Sensei." "I was just checking for ... Oh, it's you." He relaxed a bit, "I see you have one of my masterpieces, _Icha Icha tactics_, right?" "Yes, I'd like for you to sign it." The perverted Sannin took the book and whipped out a pin, "To Kin, right?" "And Zaku." "Ah, yes, your little boyfriend. I see that he appreciates my techniques..." Kin laughed, "You're already his favorite author! Well, tecnically, you're probably the only author he's ever read. Zaku's not exactly a bright boy, but I love him anyway." Jiraiya nodded, "Yes, most men tend to think as little as possible. It saves them time..." he handed her the book back, "How old are you?" "She's only fourteen, you sick freak!" "Oh, no! Not him!"

Eiji walked over, dragging Zaku by the arm, "Eiji, I was just getting his autograph!" "That might be what you want, but is that what he wants?" Jiraiya backed away, "I do have some standards! I'm not going to do something like that!" Jiraiya bolted, vanishing in a cloud of dust. "Eiji, you embarrassed me! God, don't you have any trust in me?" "It's not that, Kin, it's just that not everyone is a good person..." "I know what a pedophile is, Eiji! We both do, we grew up with one ! We can take care of ourselves, we're a lot stronger than you think! We're ninja!" She shoved the signed book back into her purse. "No matter how strong you are, there's always someone stronger. I just don't want to see either of you hurt anymore." He looked over to Zaku, who was staring through Jiraiya's peep▴hole. "Zaku, how would you feel if you were bathing and found someone staring at you?" Kin glared at him, "We're not innocent little angels, we've fought, we've killed people, we've done all sorts of things that would make you sick! We're not innocent, and we never will be..." "I know that you've done bad things, I don't care about that, that's the past, I just want to protect you..." Zaku stood up and walked over to Eiji, "It's gone...You can never get innocence back, It's just too late. I know you wish you could, but it's just too late for us." Eiji wiped his eyes, "You're good kids, you're great kids. It's not all gone, I just want to protect what you have left." Zaku hugged Eiji, and Kin wiped her eyes...

"I don't think I can do it alone anymore..." They both looked at Eiji in shock, "I'm sixteen, I'm a kid, not a father... I don't know how to take care of you guys. My... Parents, they offered to let us live with them, in their house. I... Think we should... Do that." He tried to keep from crying, "Would you... Like that?" "Yeah," Zaku sniffed a bit, "If they cook..." He tried to laugh, but couldn't, "You still... You still want us?" "Yeah, who else would I test my new recipes on?" Zaku stuck a finger down his throat. "Yeah, that sounds good..."

"Those lucky punks..." Dosu crouched, hidden from view, on the rooftop. He sighed to himself, since no one recognized him, he had absolutely no prying eyes or shocked stares on him, other than the ANBU, who didn't seem to care what happened unless he killed someone. He was more used to, more comfortable with, hateful glares or fearful glances, not indifference. _The only thing I was ever jealous of Zaku about was his looks, but now I have my face, my body repaired... I look like a normal kid, and still... No one's offered to take me in._ He watched as the trio walked off, back toward the wedding, _At least, maybe they'll have a chance. Maybe they can make it for the rest of us..._

To Be Continued . . .


	49. Chapter 49

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 49

Kidoumaru turned and headed toward Jirobou, "Hey, Chubby..." Jirobou shrank away in terror, "We called it off! I swear!" "I'm not going to hurt you, Jirobou. I'm sorry I got all crazy on you, I was just worried about my team, ya' know." He smiled and leaned on the wall near where Jirobou was cowering "I'm sorry, I should have known it wasn't you. 'Forgive me?" Jirobou looked at him warily, "Y-yeah... Sure, I guess I'd be mad too." "Hey, I'm just gonna' pop in on the Creep Twins, then I've got to go to a wedding, maybe afterward I can take you to my favorite restaraunt, on me..." "I'd love that! Hospital food is all so ... Healthy..." "Just tell Dosu and..." No, I'm not taking Tayuya to dinner, even if she did kick Temari's tail, "Just tell Dosu. I'll pick you guys up in about two hours..." Jirobou nodded happily, and Kidoumaru walked into Sakon's hospital room.

"So, You really are Uchiha Obito." Sakon and Ukon had finally merged back together, as both needed the strength that came from being united. "Yes, but Obito didn't know he was Obito when he was Tobi, because Madara didn't want Tobi to know he was Obito." Ukon's brow raised in confusion. "Oh..." Kidoumaru walked over and smiled, "Hey, freaks, are you alright?" "Yeah, you six=armed punk. Take more than a brain tumor to take us down!" Ukon paled a bit, "Tell us, is it true? Is... Is Eiichiro-Sensei really dead?" Kidoumaru frowned, "Yes. Eiji had to kill him, to stop him from killing Zaku and helping Jashin take over the world. He didn't want to do it, but he had to do it." Both twins winced a little, "It's too bad," Ukon said finally, "He was a great guy, taught us a lot." Sakon sat up a bit, "Eiji... Killed his own brother, to save Zaku? He must really like the little #! freak." "Yeah, the Wind-Bag's really grown on him." Obito looked at his watch, "Do you want Obito to bring you some cake from the wedding?" "I'd love it!" Sakon frowned,"But the nurses wouldn't allow it. besides, we'll probably be asleep by then, the medicine makes us so tired." "But you're healing alright?" Ukon looked at his brother, "Yeah, but it will take a while for ugly's hair to grow back where they shaved it..." "Shut up, Lefty!" "You know you're the ugly one!" Obito laughed, "But you're identical twins!" "Yeah, but Ukon is ugly!" "Butt-face!" "Tayuya-head!" "Freak!" "But neither of you is ugly, you both look pre... Handsome..." "Yeah, we do kinda' look... Girly, I guess, but it's not my fault I have such perfect features and incredible beauty!" "What about me, Sakon?" "You got hit with the ugly stick."

"Hana... Are you alright?" Hana turned to Kankurou, "I'm fine, everything's fine, don't worry about it. This wedding is going to happen, even if I have to carry you over a battlefield to nearest shrine and have us married, Kitty." Kankurou grinned, "I'm more nervous about the honeymoon..." Don't worry Kitty," She stroked his cheek and leaned forward, "I'll be gentle... Unless you want me to get rough..." Kankurou's eyes widened...

"She's not bad, she's not bad at all. She's not as scary as her mom..." Kin pinched Zaku's arm, "You little tramp! Are you going to slobber over very woman you see?" He turned "You know you're the only one I really want... But I still like to check out the scenery." Before Kin could respond, a tattooed, snarling face appeared inches from Zaku's. Zaku screamed loudly "EIJI HELP!!!" and knocked over his chair. Tsume started laughing, "I guess I am scary, you cute little Wind-Bag." Zaku peeked from behind Eiji's back, "That wasn't funny!" Tsume smiled and snatched him up before Eiji could react, "TSUME! NO!" Eiji shouted, "Don't worry, pup. I wouldn't eat him, you wouldn't be very filling, not to mention your friends would never forgive me... Zaku?" Her eyes widened in shock, Zaku was pale and shivering, tears flowing through his tightly-closed eyes. She set him down gently as Eiji rushed over. "No..." He grabbed Zaku and held him tightly against himself, "It's okay, It's okay. Kin hovered next to him, her hand gently stroking his hair. "I'm sorry..."_ Oh God.. What did I do to him?_ Sakura rushed over, "Does this happen often?" She asked nervously. "Sometimes, when he gets really frightened, and just shuts down, his therapist says it's a defensive mechanism. It will pass, in a little while." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle of pills. _Therapist?_ Tsume was horrified,_ I didn't know! I just scared the poor kid into shock!_ "Oh God, I'm sorry...." Eiji either ignored her or didn't hear as Kin rushed over with some water. "Here, take this." Eiji pushed a single pill into the boy's mouth and washed it down with some water._ It's so surreal, Eiji's what, fifteen, sixteen? But he's so gentle, so... Paternal._ Sakura sat beside them, opposite Kin, "The meds won't work immediately, but he should pull out of it on his own pretty quick. He'll be mad as hell and twice as embarrassed, but he'll be okay." Kankurou and Hana joined the worried little huddle of people around them, "Dear God..." "I'm sorry, today isn't really working out as you planned, is it?" He didn't look up from Zaku, "I'm sure you'll have better luck on the honeymoon." Several nervous laughs came from the crowd. Kidoumaru and Obito, just arrived, pushed through to the front of the group. "Zaku!" "He's alright, he's just a little stressed right now." Obito turned to the crowd, "Get back! Give him some space!" People started moving back, some went to their chairs, still glancing over at the boy.

After a few minutes, Zaku, flushed and weak, looked around at all the worried faces. "#! Not again..." Eiji was too upset to lecture the boy on his language, and still held him close. "C'mon, Zaku." He stood up, still holding the boy, "I think I'd better get you back. I'm sorry Kankurou, Hana. I'm sure you'll be great together." Kankurou nodded, Mental illness wasn't unkown in Suna either, he was saddened, but he understood. "I can handle... I'm not a baby." Zaku mumbled as he was carried off. Tsume walked over to Kin, who was moving to follow, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know he was sick... he seems so strong." Kin's voice was cold, "Being sick like Zaku has nothing to do with being strong... The strong suffer just like anyone else..." She walked off. Kidoumaru and Sakura moved to follow, but Eiji saw them, "No. You have business here. Zaku will be alright, and I don't want to rob the couple of a bridesmaid and a groomsman..." He smiled a tired little smile, "We'll see you later..."

Kankurou sighed heavily, he didn't want to do this, he really didn't want to, but he had no choice. "We'd best postpone the wedding until tomorrow morning." _._

To Be Continued . . .


	50. Chapter 50

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 50

"Just give me a minute to change," Kidoumaru pulled off his shirt, revealing lean muscle and deep brown skin. _Is he going to change in front of us!?_ Inner Sakura squealed happily, _God he's hot! He should never wear a shirt!_ "Just wait a minute," the Spider-Nin rushed into his room and shut the door, _#! IT ALL!_ "We'll stop by your house, so that you can change." "Okay..." Sakura tried to look through the keyhole, _#!, we can't see anything! _The door opened and Kidoumaru stepped out, wearing jeans and a black mesh shirt. He grinned and flexed, "Can't get enough of me, eh babe?" _We love mesh shirts, God bless mesh shirts!_ Inner Sakura drooled, "Uh, whatever... What's the point of wearing a shirt that's see-through?" Kidoumaru put his arms around her and smiled, "It's to please the ladies." "And how many 'ladies' are you looking to please?" "I'm not sure, how many personalities do you have, babe?"

Eiji sat on Zaku's bed, still holding him protectively. "I'm fine,really." Zaku squirmed a bit, "I'm sorry, Zaku, I didn't mean for anything to happen to you." Zaku pulled free, "It happens, you can't protect me 24/7 from everything..." Kin sat down beside them. "So, you're in my bed now, eh Kin? I knew you couldn't resist me!" Kin turned red, "Pervert!" Eiji stood up, "You need to get some sleep. You've had rough day... C'mon Kin." "Awww, can't she stay?" "Yeah, right, like I'd stay, you perverted little mutt!" Eiji leaned over, "Just get some sleep. If you need anything, anything non-perverted, just shout." "Oh, God, don't tell him that! He'll be yelling all night!"

The Oto-Nins looked in surprise as Kidoumaru and Sakura walked into the hospital. "That was a fast wedding." Jirobou noted, "There was no wedding. Something... Something happened to Zaku, and, along with Temari getting her butt whooped by Tayuya, that convinced Kankurou and Hana to postpone until tomorrow morning." Dosu was shocked, "Oh, man... Is Zaku alright?" "He should be fine," Sakura said, "But he needs some rest." Kidoumaru clapped his hands together, "Well, the Wind-Bag is fine, and, he doesn't want us feeling sorry for him. So we might as well just go eat." "Eat?" Tayuya walked out of the lady's room, "I noticed you #! didn't #! invite me, you #! Six-Armed #! Pineapple-Head!" Kidoumaru nearly choked, "Yeah, about that... See, I don't like you." Sakura turned to her boyfriend, "That's not nice." "Yeah, that's not #! nice!" "Neither are you, Tayuya!" "Kidoumaru..." "Oh, God, Sakura, you don't know what she is!" He looked at Tayuya nervously. "What the #! am I!" "A mean-spirited, evil, foul-mouthed, violent female who'd castrate a guy as soon as look at him!" Sakura growled, "That's so sexist!" "Yeah, you #! Chauvinist!" Kidoumaru rubbed his suddenly aching forehead, "No, it's true! Tayuya is evil! _Pure evil!_" Tayuya smirked and stroked Kidoumaru's cheek, he pulled back reflexively, "Awwww, what the matter, is da Itsy Bitsy Spider Scared of the big, bad girl?" Sakura smiled at the red-head, "You're welcome to come, Tayuya." Kidoumaru closed his eyes, "You'll find out, you'll see..." he muttered. "So, where the #! are we going, I'm #! starving!" "I just lost my appetite..." Kidoumaru moaned. "The Barbeque Rack, it's Shikamaru's favorite restaurant." Tayuya grinned, "Oh really..."

"I didn't know Kido was such a perv!" Sakura and Tayuya laughed, and Kidoumaru groaned, "I make one mistake..." Tayuya grinned devilishly, 'Once, sure... Sakura, did I #! tell you about #! Spidey's #! teddy bear?" "We're here!" Kidoumaru shouted, fairly dragging Sakura inside, "Mr. Bearington J. Bearry!" Kidoumaru groaned again, "That's so cute!" Sakura squealed. Tayuya nodded, an evil glint in her eyes, "And guess what?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out a scroll, opened it, and pulled out a large, ragged stuffed bear. "Look who missed you!" Kidoumaru's eyes lit up, "_Bearington!_ How did you..." he suddenly caught himself, "Where'd you get that old thing, Tayuya?" "What, you don't want him? Okay..." She moved over towards the nearest garbage bin, "I guess I'll just..." Kidoumaru nearly knocked over Jirobou to grab the bear. "Pathetic." Dosu sighed as the Spider-Nin hugged the stuffed toy. Sakura just giggled...

"OH CRAP!" A familiar voice echoed through the restaurant as Shikamaru noticed Tayuya's presence. "Sakura wouldn't let me leave her!" Kido shouted, still holding his bear. Shika moved to get up, but Tayuya was beside him before he could move, "Going so soon?" She ran a hand over his chest, "I've got plans for us... you lazy-#! hottie!" "Oh God! Somebody help me!" Tayuya giggled and sat next to him, "So, when are you #! going to wear those #! hot #! man-whore shorts for me again?"

To Be Continued . . .


	51. Chapter 51

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 51

"So, let me get this straight," Shikamaru tried to keep his voice calm, "You want to _abduct _me, _chain_ me like a dog, _ravage_ me repeatedly and make me your personal_ sex-slave_?" "#! Yeah!" Tayuya leaned against him happily. "Gee, and I thought you _hated_ me..." Shikamaru could still manage sarcasm through his fear. "I was thinking, you really are kinda #! nice. What happened in those #! woods was just us following #! orders from old #! who didn't give a #! about us... You were trying to save that #! worthless_ Uke-Ho_, #! _Sauce-Gay_, and we were trying to keep the #! wrath of #! Orochimaru from comin' down on our #! heads..." She rubbed against him, "I #! know you didn't #! want to fight me... But did you know my #! would have been #! out of the ! country if that #! pasty-faced #! Kimimaro hadn't threatened me and the #! Creep Twins into going back and fighting..." "That's odd, I seemed to think you _enjoyed_ hurting me..." Tayuya looked into Shikamaru's eyes, "Well, _yeah_, but you Konoha #! had already _killed_ #! Fat-#! and #! Kidoumaru, and we weren't #! with you by choice... And you were #! treating me like a #! helpless #! chick. So I was #! pissed at you." She slid a hand under his shirt, "I'm #! over that now..."  
Shikamaru shuddered as she manhandled him, "And why would I trust you?" She lifted his shirt a little, and he frantically tried to push her away, "Should you? Don't #! trust _anybody_, you stupid #!, I mean, I #! think you're a real sexy #!, and I think that blonde #! is a fool for #! hitting you," She nuzzled against him, "I know I wouldn't #! hurt you, but you don't #! know that. You'll just have to find out for yourself." Shika pulled away in shock as she started kissing his throat, "You _don't_ want to hurt me? Just to _rape_ me and keep me locked away _naked_ and at your mercy? With no rights, no dignity at all... YIPES!!" Shikamaru yelped loudly and jumped to his feet as the Kunoichi's hand move to a _very_ inappropriate area, but she pulled him back down, "That was just a #! fantasy... Though we_ can_ #! do that if you #! want..."

"I think I see what you meant, Kidoumaru." Sakura turned away from the spectacle that was Tayuya, "She is a bit... Forward." "_Forward _nothing! She's _evil_!" Sakura sighed, "No, she just doesn't really know much about romance, does she? She could use a few tips from me and Ino." Jirobo looked up from his mountainous dinner, "I'm always trying to get her to be more lady-like, but she always beats me up for it..." Sakura shuddered, "You don't think she'd beat Shikamaru, would she? He's already suffered..." "No, I don't think so," Dosu said, "She says she wouldn't treat him like that, and called Temari a fool for treating him so badly. I believe her, Tayuya doesn't lie about that, she's evil and violent, and she doesn't _care_ who knows it, so why would she hide it now?"

"You're not so... bad looking, for a troublesome foul-mouthed girl. You look kinda. Nice... When you're not molesting me... And you have your mouth shut..." Tayuya growled angrily, "If you're #! joking, I'll #! kill you! Don't #! _play_ with my feelings!" Shikamaru sighed, "I'm not playing with your feelings. You are cute." Tayuya sniffed a bit, she'd never considered herself very feminine, but always being looked down on as a dirty, unattractive tom-boy got old fast. "You mean that? You really mean... I'm cute." "He leaned back lazily, "Yep. Foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, perverted and troublesome, but cute." He noticed her eyes watering, "No one's ever told you that before?" "Of course they have!" She sniffed, "They" She looked away, "Temari said I was a dirty little pig, she said you could never want someone like me." _I can't... No, I can believe she'd say that, sadistic woman..._ "Temari is... She's an_ idiot_. She may be pretty, but she's got the personality of a crocodile. You could probably get any man you want, if you cleaned up a bit..." "Cleaned up! What the ! are you talking about?" She sighed, "I know I'm not very_ 'lady-like'_, but you're not very _'manly'_, so it works out, doesn't it?" Shikamaru smiled, "I guess. Did you know you didn't curse once in that sentence?" "I can't be #! perfect all the time...I guess that's a turn off, huh" Shikamaru touched her cheek! "You know, you don't have to _settle_ for me. I still think you could have _any_ guy you want... And like you keep saying, I'm lazy and troublesome..." "I want you! Or, are you saying, you don't want me?" Shikamaru once again did the unthinkable, he leaned forward and kissed Tayuya on the mouth, "I've been thinking about you ever since I saw you in the hospital" "HOT #!" Tayuya grabbed him and kissed him, "Me too! Are you..." She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Gonna' wear those sweet _man-whore_ shorts for me again?" He laughed and grinned "You_ still _think I didn't know you were there? I was wearing that old rag for _you_! I knew you'd show up sooner or later, so I decided to give you a little _show_... I may be a lazy bum, but I can be a pervert too!"

_"OH... MY... GOD!_ Did Shikamaru just _kiss_ Tayuya?" Sakura was hypnotized by the sight, and Kidoumaru shook his head and mouthed '_no'_, over and over again as Jirobo and Dosu just tried to keep their food down...

To Be Continued . . .


	52. Chapter 52

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 52

The wedding was beautiful, the morning seemed far better suited to such an event as the bright sun shone down on the gleaming ceremony. Tsunade, as Hokage, headed the ceremony, which was kept deliberately short to ensure the bride wouldn't take the groom in front of everyone. The 'first' kiss went on a bit longer than was customary, clearly, Hana was a devoted scholar of _Icha Icha Tactics_, and the bride lifted her blushing husband in her arms and they rushed off to the Grand Konoha Hotel before the congratulations were finished...

As the newlyweds walked toward their honeymoon suite at the finest hotel in Konoha, Kankurou hesitated outside the door, "T-this is a big hotel, bigger than the Kazekage's palace back home." Hana looked at him in amusement, "It has to be..." She opened the door to the elegantly furnished suite, "Room's a bit small for my plans, but it'll work..." "Small?" Kankurou asked in confusion. Hana started to rip his clothes off right there in the hallway, and he rushed inside, blushing, "What the!" "I was getting tired of you just standing there!" She threw him on the bed and commenced tearing all of his clothes off, "I told you the rest would come off on our honeymoon!" A moment later, the sounds of howling and shouting filled the hotel...

"She sure wanted to get the game started, didn't she." Kidoumaru grinned, "I bet Tayuya would be like that..." "Tayuya!? What about me?" Sakura held onto her boyfriend jealously, "You're a lady... You'd at least wait until the door was shut before trying to jump my bones..." She jumped on his back and wrapped her arms around him, "What makes you think I'm a lady...?"

Shikamaru didn't have time to scream as strong hands pulled him into the bushes surrounding the wedding area, "What the hell!" Tayuya grinned, "It was a pretty ceremony... But I want music at ours..." "OURS!" Tayuya pushed him onto the ground and silenced him with a smothering kiss. "Mmmmmmmmm!" Shikamaru was trapped below the aggressive Oto-girl, and she was far stronger than he was. All he could do was lay there and enjoy the treatment... "Hey, Shikamaru?" "Huh?" "Why did you do it?" Shikamaru looked at her in confusion, "Why did you come back and save Kidoumaru?" "Mmmmm... He saved my life, I couldn't just leave him... I don't like anyone being hurt, and he's a good guy. I just couldn't let him be tortured and killed, especially not for helping me..." Tayuya snuggled close to him, "You're loyal... That's another great thing about your lazy #!"

"Again, I'm so, so sorry..." Tsume was pale and anxious, "I... If there's something I can do to make amends..." "It's all right," Zaku was embarrassed by the whole affair, "I'm fine, I just want to forget the whole thing..." Eiji nodded, "You had no way of knowing how he would react, you were just being energetic and playful, a common Inuzuka fault..." he laughed,

"Hey, kid..." Inoichi walked over to the unfamaliar blonde boy sittng by the road, "Are you a visitor here?' Ino blinked at him warily, "He looks familiar... I think..." Dosu looked up at the man and his daughter, and sighed, "I'm not staying for long." "Dosu?" "He smiled, "Ino, haven't seen you in a while..." Inoichi raised an eyebrow, "Dosu? Of the Oto-Three?" "Formerly..." "Where are you staying?" "The hospital." "The hospital? No one's taken you in yet? That's disgusting, you can stay with us..." He smiled, "If you'd like..." Dosu smiled back, "I... yeah... I'd like that."

Kankurou wrapped himself in a bathrobe and stumbled to the door, "Who is it?" "Room service." He opened the door slightly and saw the man with a cart of food. "I'll ake it in, wait a second." he shut the door, and came back a few seconds later with some cash, "Here's your tip." "Thank you sir. Are you alright, you look a bit pale?" Kankurou just nodded, "Honeymoon." "Ah, of course, congratulations." "Thanks."

"Oh Kitty! C'mere, I wanna' rub yer tummy!" Kankurou blushed three shades of red, "J-just a minute, Babe.... If I don't make it, tell my brother to take care of my puppets." He whispered softly, then pulled in the cart, "And tell the others, sorry about the noise..." A loud yelp could be heard from inside, "Hana! _Again!_?" "You Suna boys have no stamina!" The Busboy shook his head in amusement...

"So, you live in Iwagakure now?" Dosu took another cookie, "Yes. After the Akatsuki let that monster Kabuto in, we all ran away to Iwa. It's funny, it was all Kin's idea, and now she's living with her new family in Kusagakure." Inoichi looked at the boy sadly, "You don't have a family, do you, Dosu?" "Nope." "But where do you live?" Ino asked, "Well, I live in a kind of barracks with other ninja." "What about the others, I mean, are they all staying at the hospital?" Dosu nodded, "Yes." "Why hasn't the Hokage at least gotten you guys hotel rooms?" He stood up, "I'll call her about it... You can still stay here, if you want." "I'd like that very much, thank you..."

Kidoumaru stretched beside his old friend, Mr. Bearington Jacques Bearry Esq. Defender of the Fluff, Ruler of Hyperbearia, Bearbearian Warrior and Master Chef of the Order of St. Bruin._ I never Thought I'd see you again..._ He hugged the raggedy bear,_ I guess I'll have to thank Tayuya for bringing you..._ He jumped up at the sound of pounding on the door, and opened it to find a disheveled Shikamaru. "What happened to you?" "Tayuya... She's an animal!" "But you like it, don't you?" "She says she wouldn't hit me..." "This from the girl that was going to play 'Roast the Pineapple' with you... You remember that don't you? I sure do, I got my arms and legs broke saving you... of course, I ended up here, so I guess it wasn't all that bad..." "She's actually pretty nice. Cute bear..." Shikamaru turned and went to his room. "Hello sleep! My one true love!" "How sweet of you..." Shikamaru didn't even have time to scream before Temari had him tied and gagged, "So, leave me for that tramp! You'll pay for that! And you'll pay for humiliating me!" She smiled that sweet, terrible smile as he desperately struggled against his bonds, terrified. "You will scream for me, babe..." She pulled a long, thick piece of metal piping from her jacket, and started to remove the boy's clothes. "I'm going to humiliate you in ways you've never imagined..." Shikamaru was sobbing now, tears streaming from his eyes, his body trembling violently, and he was pleading through the gag for mercy... Suddenly Temari flew backwards across the room as a brown fist connected with her face, breaking her nose, "Are you alright?" Kidoumaru stood over him protectively. "You freak! I'll kill you!" he picked up the metal pipe, "What were you going to do with this you..." He suddenly noted Shikamaru's state of half-undress, and he reverted to kill or die mode, _She will die for this!..._ Kidoumaru swung to kill Temari, who dodged the blow and kicked him in the stomach. The window burst inward as Tayuya lept through, kicking Temari into the far wall. "Hands off my man, #!" Temari dropped a kunai she'd had hidden in her sleeve, and both girls went for it as Kidoumaru spat a good sized dose of webbing, pinning the Sand Witch to the wall.

Kido untied Shikamaru and straightened his clothes as Tayuya rushed over, "Is he alright? I saw that #! Temari with a #! Kunai and had to #! her #!" Shikato and Yoshino rushed in, "What the hell's going on in here?" Shikamaru moaned through his sobs, "Temari broke in and attacked me..." "LIAR!! You wanted it!" "The ANBU are here..." The ANBU grabbed Temari before the Wrath of Yoshino could descend upon her, "We were following her..." The leader pointed at Tayuya, "Looks like we were following the wrong one..." Yoshino hit Temari with a lamp, and the ANBU decided it would be wise to flee, taking the Suna Kunoichi with them. "Shika, are you alright!?" Yoshino knelt over her son, as Kidoumaru threw a blanket over his sobbing, trembling brother, and held him comfortingly "I'll kill that #!, I #! swear!" Tayuya cursed. "Who are you?" Tayuya grinned, "My name's Tayuya, and I'm Shika's new girlfriend. And there's no #! way in #! hell I'd let that #! hurt my boyfriend!" Shikato laughed at her mouth, "I like this girl already!" Yoshino just glared, "Tayuya... The Tayuya who tortured our Shika and Kidoumaru!?" "Just Shika, Hidan was the one who tortured the #! Six-Armed Pineapple-Head!" She glared back at Yoshino, "Hey! your precious #! baby Killed me... No, no I guess he didn't... It was that blonde #! they just took away." She hung her head "Thank you, Tayuya, I have an uncomfortable feeling that you guys saved more than just my life... Mom, she's a friend now." "Hey! She saved me too, I don't fancy a kunai to the back either!" Kidoumaru shouted. "I thought you said I was 'pure evil'?" "I was slightly off, you're more... _Chaotic Neutral.._." Yoshino sighed, "Alright, thank you, Tayuya, but if you lay a hand on either of my boys..." "We should all get down to the jail, see what they're going to do with Temari, and file a report..." Shikato said softly.

Gaara took the messenger's report with his usual stoicism, "Don't interrupt Kankurou, I'll tell him later." He turned, "Baki, Temari attacked Shikamaru and she has been placed in a mental hospital. What should I do?" Baki rubbed his forehead, "Leave her there, when we go, we can take her to the Oasis in Suna, it's a good hospital, they'll help her... But right now she's in the best place for her." "Would it be inappropriate to visit?" Baki shook his head, "I would wait until morning, at least, she'll be sedated right now, and in no condition to see anyone."

To Be Continued . . .


	53. Chapter 53

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 53

Karin to the small card with concern, Who would send me a card? She opened the envelope and pulled out the card. It said,

_A Surprise,_

_For You._

She opened it and looked inside. On the inner page was an elaborate and very well drawn ink sketch of Sasuke... Naked. Her free hand flew to her bleeding nose. "Oh my God!" She squealed and ran inside. "I don't think it worked as expected, brother..." "Yeah, she didn't react like Sasuke did..." "You two are thinking too small! Naruto-Sempai would have made the picture huge and painted it on the Hokage Monument!!! That would get him!" "Perhaps, but our punishment for defacing the Hokage monument last time was severe enough to convince us to avoid doing so again." "Sai, you're chicken!" Konohamaru shouted. "An insult from Dickless Jr, how amusing..." Suigetsu fell to the ground laughing wildly.

Kankurou was too tired for this. He'd spent almost two days learning about the mysteries of sex, and now he finds out his sister has been committed to an insane asylum after attacking her ex-boyfriend. "So, Kankurou, how was it?" Kakashi looked at him in amusement, Kankurou glared at the pervert, "If you want to know, get yourself a woman, pervert." "Awwww! It must have been something, you look like you can barely walk! Two whole days! Wait till Jiraiya gets wind of this!" Kankurou ignored him and walked on, eventually reaching the Konoha mental hospital. He pushed inside, "Hey, Kankurou-San." A medic looked up at him, "Where's Hana?" "Sleeping." "Well, after two whole days of..." "Shut up and take me to my sister." Kankurou snapped. "She's not in any condition to take visitors right now, not even family...I'm sorry. She became extremely violent and had to be restrained..." "Sounds like Temari's usual personality..." "Regardless, Doctor Masume says she's not ready to receive visitors." Kankurou was getting aggravated, "Can I talk to Doctor Masume then?" "May I. _May I_ talk to Dr, Masume. I swear, those ninja academies are..." The medic found himself confronted by a very menacing puppet, "I'll just page him..."

Dosu was sleeping peacefully on the guest bed of the Inoichi house, dreaming peacefully, for once. He was very comfortable here, it was such a nice place, even if Ino was loud and her green-clad boyfriend was completely insane... "I think he's actually happy here. I doubt he's had much joy in his life..." Ino nodded to her father, "Zaku and Kin said that he's usually very solitary, even on a team. He's been with Orochimaru for a long time." Inoichi looked thoughtfully at his daughter over a cup of steaming coffee. "Ino, what would you do if I asked him to stay with us?" Ino smiled, "I'd say you had this planned from the moment you met him."

"Blah, blah, blah, mental break, blah, blah, blah, obsessed, blah, blah, blah," The doctor rambled on in psychobabble, Shikamaru would likely have understood, maybe Kidoumaru, but Kankurou, while bright, had no idea what he was talking about, "Blah, blah. In other words, she was the dominant one in the relationship, she had all the power, and she reveled in it. When Shikamaru stood up to her, Temari lost all of that, and in doing so lost her feeling of superiority. That made her feel humiliated, and she wanted to regain that power. And seeing Shikamaru trying to make a life without her, with this new girl, made her see she wasn't the most important thing in his life anymore. And if she couldn't have him..." "No one could..." Kankurou nodded, "She's kinda like those stalkers you hear about, right?" "Yes, some of them." "Will she get better?" "Hopefully, with time and proper medication...

Shikamaru lay in bed, he was fortunate that his mother had taken into account his terrifying experience and not made him clean the unspeakable mess he laughingly called a bedroom, and Kidoumaru had cleaned up the glass, then helped his mother put in a new window._ I can't believe it,_ He told himself for at least the five-hundredth time, _that Temari could do something so horrible.._. He knew she was sick, this was a girl who'd taken great joy in forcibly stripping him and beating his bare backside with a metal fan until he screamed, just to humiliate him, but this... He sighed and pulled himself out of bed, then walked into the hallway and peeked into Kidoumaru's room. "Kidoumaru, are you awake?" He whispered. "Yeah," The response was instant and strong, apparently Kidoumaru wasn't sleeping either. He slipped in an closed the door. Kidouamru was sitting at a desk, reading a role-playing manual, _The Call of Cthulhu Roleplaying Guidebook_. "Still can't sleep, huh?" "I keep..." Shika blushed in shame, "I keep thinking she'll break in again and finish the job." Kidoumaru turned to look at his adoptive brother, "She won't be back, we're all here for you, to protect you." While Kido had been born two years before Shika, he had neither grown nor learned in the previous five years, quite understandable, considering how he'd been dead during that time. Though Kidoumaru was still fifteen and Shikamaru had grown from twelve-year old Genin into a seventeen-year old Jonin, the Nara seemed younger, at least emotionally. Kidoumaru's life had been pain and suffering and death, so he was more prepared for mental and physical hardship than the easygoing Nara. Shika had suffered, some of it at the hands of Kidoumaru and his team, and he'd lost someone he'd truly cared for, his Sensei, Sarutobi Asuma to a sadistic, immortal lunatic from whom he'd later saved Kidoumaru _and_ he'd just gotten out of a torturous, abusive relationship with a mentally unstable Suna Kunoichi. "You can sleep in here, if you want. If Mr. Bearington approves, of course." he gave a wry smile and nodded toward the old teddy bear. "Hey, Mr. Bearington, can I sleep in your bed, I won't eat the porridge like that thief Goldilocks..." "Where will you sleep?" Shika plopped into bed lazily. "If I sleep, I'll probably just push you off." He turned back to his book, The Sanity Loss for encountering Shub-Niggurath is 1D10/1D100, hmmmm... Maybe she's related to Tayuya. Tayuya, The Red Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Curses, sounds pretty accurate to me... "Hey, Kidoumaru?" Kidoumaru turned, "Thanks man." "Don't mention it, bro." "Tell me, Kidoumaru, why was it called the Oto-Five instead of the Oto-Six? Was Ukon not counted? And what about Kimimaro?" Kidoumaru laughed, "He also called us the Oto-Four, that idiot Orochimaru couldn't count past one." Shikamaru laughed. "So, how many Investigators has your team lost so far?" "Two, one ended up under the control of Hastur, and the other was devoured by Great Cthulhu when he accidentally awakened it." "Kinda like when dad wakes mom up to make him breakfast." Shikamaru pulled Bearington to him, "Mr. Bearington Jacques Bearry, Esq. Defender of the Fluff, Ruler of Hyberbearia, Bearbearian Warrior and Chef of The Royal Order of St. Bruin, right?" "Yeah." "It seems like, with all those titles, he'd be Sir Bearington instead of Mr. Bearington." "Well, he ticked off the King and was refused knighthood." "Why?" "He ran off with the king's eldest daughter." He paused, "Shikamaru, how's Tayuya treating you?" "Well, I have a headache every day, and I may be going deaf... But she's less troublesome than she once was..."

"So, the Chuunin Exams are in six weeks, and you brats, in the shape you are now, most of you won't make it to the finish line." Iruka felt a chill in his bones, Kidoumaru's inspirational speech to his students seemed anything but, "That's as you are now. Most of you have potential, a few of you shouldn't be here. But that's your parent's fault. I'll talk to you guys privately about that." He clapped his hands, "That being said, we have to work on making you maggots into ninja before the exam. Now, everyone into their teams, because you're in for six weeks of hell." Konohamaru looked at him defiantly, "I don't remember you being in the Chuunin exams. Are you even a chuunin?" "I went through my a different type of exam, the Otogakure kind. None of you, except maybe Hiro, could have survived that... But enough about me. We're going to the Forest of Death, and you trash are going to learn every inch of the course, how to exploit the terrain, how to lay traps for your opponents, how to spot and recognize traps, and how to win the game. For the next week, maybe longer, we'll be studying the terrain, memorizing every tree, every bush. And remember, you've been briefed on the dangerous insects and plants, and they are everywhere. Be careful and don't get yourselves poisoned, you'll make me look bad..."

To Be Continued . . .


	54. Chapter 54

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 54

"Hey, mind if I sit here?" Akimichi Chouji looked up from his meal to see the familiar face of Jirobou looking at him. "Uh, sure." Jirobou sat his tray down and smiled, "Been a long time..." He said, biting into his sandwich. "Yeah." Chouji was apprehensive, after all, five years ago he'd killed Jirobou during a fight that almost cost him own life. "What's it like?" Jirobou didn't even look, "I don't remember. I assume you're talking about being dead?" Chouji nodded, "Yeah, that's what I was asking about. You don't remember anything?" Jirobou shrugged, "Not a thing." He opened a bag of chips, "How've you been the last five years?" Chouji finished his first sandwich, "Good. It took a while to recover, you nearly killed me..." He took a drink of soda, "But, I did kill you, so I guess I can't complain." Jirobou sighed, "When I think about everything that happened, I get angry, not over the fighting, but over why. You guys risked your lives and we died to protect someone as worthless as Uchiha Sasuke..." Chouji snorted, "Yeah, the jerk fooled us all, didn't he?" "At least he killed Orochimaru." "Yeah." Jirobou held out his chips, "Want some...?"

Eiji packed the last of his clothing into his duffel bag, "We'll say goodbye to everyone before we leave, alright?" "Yeah, mom!" Zaku laughed, and someone knocked on the door to the apartment, "Who is it?" Eiji asked. "Anko." "Anko? the Chief Interrogator?" "Yes." "What do you want?" He walked to the door warily. "I just want to talk." He opened the door a crack and looked at the woman, "About what?" She sighed in aggravation, "About your brother. He did kill my Sensei, Ibiki." Eiji opened the door slowly and Anko walked in quietly, smiling, "Thank you." "What exactly did you want to know?" "How did Eiichiro die?" "I killed him, stabbed him in he heart." His face betrayed no emotion, "He died fairly quickly." Anko gaped at him, "Do... You know why he killed Ibiki?" Eiji looked at her tiredly, "I don't. I hadn't seen him in months before... that last time. But, to be honest, he killed for his god, murder was a sacred rite. He didn't need any other reason." Zaku walked into the room, "Woah, Eiji, nice catch!" Anko glared at the boy, "I'm the Head Interrogator for Konoha." "Uuuh, I take that back, bad choice, hot or not!" "Zaku, why don't you go order breakfast..." Zaku grinned nervously, "Yeah, I'll do that..." He rushed out of the apartment. "He does know he can call for room service doesn't he?"

Kidoumaru knelt beside a plant and pulled off a large, thick, purple leaf, "Can anyone tell me what this leaf is good for?" Hiro glanced at the others, "It's a purple well, the fluid inside can stop bleeding when applied to a wound, and the fibers can be used as gauze." "Very good. They're quite common, and can add to your overall health points." He peeled back a strip, revealing a slimy, spongy interior, and proceeded to rub the material over a small scrape on his second right arm. "Of course, this has already stopped bleeding, but see how the gel coats the wound? If this were bleeding, it would act as a clotting agent, stopping the bleeding, as well as protecting against further damage." He stood up, "Okay, everyone got that? Good." He turned suddenly and pointed at a gold speck on a nearby tree trunk, "That's a golden death beetle. One bite, and it's game over."

"LET ME GO!" Kiba and Akamaru struggled against the ANBU trying to keep them under control, "I'm gonna' kill those freaks!" "They're here under permission from the Hokage herself!" Kiba growled dangerously, 'I don't care! Those monsters nearly killed me!" "And what would you have done in our position?" Sakon and Ukon glared at Kiba from a wheelchair, "It's easy to criticize the other guy's tactics when you get your tail kicked, but when you win, it's all justified, right, mutt?" Kiba growled, low and dangerous, "You filth!" The Twins mumbled something and wheeled back into their room as the ANBU dragged the raging Inuzuka outside...

_Nice, red hair, cute little nose, pretty eyes, dirty, dirty mouth... Okay, that last part isn't so cute.._. Shikamaru watched as Tayuya sat cross-legged in the grass, playing her flute. _Talented too. Orochimaru sure knew how to pick 'em. _"What's the song called?" Tayuya looked up and smirked, "#! you you #!" "What?" "That's what the song's called, #! you you #!" Shikamaru moaned, "I take it you named it?" "Yep." She went back to playing. That's the thing about Tayuya, she never tries to be something she's not.

Dosu sat down at the table and looked over at Mr. Energetic. Rock Lee flashed his painful smile and gave a thumbs up, "I am so glad that you have forsaken the darkness and now travel the Youthful road of light!" "Uhhhhh... Thanks, I think. How the hell did you recover after sand-boy nearly tore you to pieces?"_ I bet he says Youthful energy and training!_ "Youthful energy and training!" Dosu smiled, _Bingo!_ "So, what do you think of Konoha?" Inoichi asked pleasantly, "It's nice. Nothing like Oto."

Sakon and Ukon looked at the attractive woman with boredom. "Hey, bro, we got a new nurse..." "I don't think she's a nurse, little brother." Anko smiled, "You're right, Ukon. You were Eiichiro's apprentices." It wasn't a question, "Yeah, who are you?" She sat on the couch and looked at them angrily, "My name is Anko. I was Ibiki's apprentice." "Ibiki?" Sakon looked at her blankly, "Morino Ibiki, little brother. remember, Eiichiro fragged him after we took out his team." Anko clenched her fists to hold in the rage she was feeling, "Why?" "Because they got too close to the lab." Sakon stated matter-of-factly. "I think she means why did Eiichiro kill her boss personally." Ukon looked Anko in the eyes, "Because he didn't like him. Eiichiro was a killer, but he wasn't much for torture, considered it wasteful, so he wanted Ibiki for himself." Anko slapped Ukon across the face, and Sakon bit down on her hand. She yelped and pulled back, cradling her injured hand, "You little #!, I'll see you both executed!" Ukon smirked, 'I don't think she likes us much, Sakon." "_Indeed_, Ukon!" Anko snarled and kicked their wheelchair, sending the Twins sprawling on the floor. A nurse rushed, in, alerted by the noise, and helped them back into the chair. "You #!" Ukon snarled, "That's low, even for your kind!" Anko spit at them and stormed out

To Be Continued . . .


	55. Chapter 55

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 55

Iwashi sighed and stroked his goatee nervously. The message from Iwagakure he carried in his hands was decidedly... Unpleasant, and the ramifications for certain young visitors could be severe. Shizune stuck her head out of the Hokage's office. "Tsunade-Sama will see you know. "Ah, Tatame Iwashi, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he winced, "Well Tsunade-Sama... The government of Iwagakure has been overthrown." Tsunade lept to her feet, "WHAT!?" The Chuunin shook slightly and clenched his eyes, "The government of Iwagakure has fallen." Tsunade fell back into her chair. _God, tell me I'm drunk!_ "There's more. Ummm, the new leaders don't want the Oto-Nin back." "#!" Tsunade swore loudly, "Then those brats are stuck here!?" "Y-yes, ma'am." Tsunade moaned loudly and reached for her stash, "Now what?"

Dosu listened in disbelief, _The government has fallen? We're... Homeless? Again?_ Inoichi put an arm around the boy's shoulders, "I'm sorry. You can stay here as long as you like, you'll be safe here." Dosu wiped a few tears from his eyes, "What about the Hokage? Without the treaty..." "Don't worry, I said you'll be safe here, and you will. I'll talk to the Hokage.

"What the #!? They don't #! want us? What the #! are we supposed to #! do now?" Shikamaru looked at her sadly, "I guess, we could figure something out..." "Those #! Don't they know how #! good we are at our #! jobs!" She bit her lower lip, drawing blood, distracting from the tears, "How can they just #! throw us away like #! trash, the #!" Shikamaru put an arm around her waist, "I'll make sure you're safe, even if I have to leave Konoha to do it..."

Jirobou nodded silently, he wasn't particularly surprised, Iwa had been in a state of unrest for a while. He wasn't nearly as stupid as people thought, "So we're stuck here? Just our luck, huh?" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, _Calm...Stay calm, we've had setbacks before... We're shinobi, elite shinobi, Konoha could probably use more shinobi, right?_

"Just go ahead and leave, Wind-Bag." Ukon was tired, and Zaku was annoying. "Well, we'll be gone soon enough, Lefty." Ukon's eyes narrowed at the hated nickname. "Ignore him, he's stupid." Kin pinched Zaku's cheek, "Stupid? I'm not stupid!" Eiji rolled his eyes, "No, Zaku you're not stupid." "Today is a wonderful day!" Everyone turned to see a certain Kunoichi enter the room. "You again?" Ukon snarled. "Yes, and I have _wonderful_ news," Anko swept over and put her hand under Ukon's chin, "Iwagakure has fallen. The treaty is null and void, and very soon, my little friends, I'll be getting to know you better, _professionally_, of course..." "And what does the Hokage say about this?" Eiji challenged, he didn't much like Anko, and he certainly didn't like her profession. "Oh, I'm sure she'll agree with me." "It's dangerous to make assumptions, #!" Ukon shouted. She simply smiled that sweet smile, "Don't worry boys, as Kidoumaru said when I first met him, 'She won't torture me until I'm all healed up.' Get well_ soon_." She chuckled and walked out, head held high, ignoring the ugly stares in her direction...

Kidoumaru listened as Shikamaru and Tayuya explained the situation. _This is bad, very bad..._ He turned to look at his waiting students, "I'll just be a minute." He turned back to Shika and Tayuya, "I'm sure everything will be fine, if they let an Oto-Freak like me in, they'll let you guys in... After all, elite ninja are valuable assets." "Yeah, I'm #! convinced... These #! hold #! grudges just like everyone else." "Please, Tayuya, don't talk like that around my students." "I'll bet they #! use #! worse language than I #! do! And I don't #! care! Our #! lives are on the #! line here! That #! Anko is already warming up the #! torture chamber for the #! Twins!" Kidoumaru shuddered, "Okay, Iruka-Sensei, I need to go for a while..." "Of course, Kidoumaru. Okay kids, lets go back to the lcassroom, we'll review everything we've learned." The kids groaned and followed their teacher as their assistant instructor stayed behind. "Listen, I'll talk to the Hokage, I'll beg if I have to. If she doesn't listen, we can just... Make sure they... Disappear..."

_And the floodgates opened..._ Tsunade rubbed her aching head, she was drunk, but not nearly drunk enough to drown out the annoying parade of people coming with one opinion or the other about the recently abandoned Oto/Iwa-Nins. The Yamanakas, Eiji, (Who's not even a citizen of Konoha!), Shikamaru and Kidoumaru, (With that foul-mouthed brat, Tayuya, no less!), The Akimichis, all wanted them accepted into Konoha. Anko, Kiba, Tsume, Danzo and a few other 'concerned citizens' wanted the refugees, (Sakon and Ukon in particular) Dealt with in a less compassionate manner... And Tsunade had to decide, five young lives in the balance. _God, how did I let that old pervert convince me to take this job? Then again, I've never been drunk enough to think Jiraiya would make a good Hokage... _

To Be Continued . . .


	56. Chapter 56

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 56

"Shizune." Tsunade looked up as her assistant entered the room. "I'm made my decision." "Yes ma'am?" She smiled slightly, "I've decided to err on the side of mercy. The brats can stay, for now." Shizune smiled, "Yes, ma'am. I knew you'd make the right decision." "Have I?" She handed her assistant a scroll containing her decision, "Let everyone know as soon as possible. And call the brats here..." Tsunade reached into her desk and came up empty, "And get me more sake! I need more sake now!" God, I can't work while I'm sober!

"HOT #!" Tayuya shouted, "I love that big-boobed #!" Shikamaru stared at her lazily, "I thought you loved me." She smirked, "Oh, I #! do! I wanna' #! celebrate! You put on your #! man-whore shorts and I'll get the #! whipped cream..." Kidoumaru turned a bit green, "I really didn't need to know that!"

"When we see her, I'm gonna' say, 'It's a wonderful day, isn't it, Anko!'" "I wouldn't do that, Ukon, we're still on thin ice!" Ukon snorted, "Worry-wort!" "Ugly!" "I'm the good-looking twin, pig-face!"

"So, you really... Want me to stay?" Dosu was skeptical, the only time someone had ever offered him a home, that person turned out to be an evil, demonic, snake-obsessed pedophile. "Yes. I mean, you need a home, we have room..." Inoichi smiled, "Besides, you're a nice kid." Dosu laughed,_ Nice? Me? He obviously hasn't heard much about Dosu no Oto!_ "I... I'd be honored to stay..."

"You won't regret this, Hokage-Sama!" Jirobou bowed, again. "Please, don't thank me." "I have to! You saved our lives!" "No, I mean, please don't... I have a hangover..." Jirobou paled, "Oh, sorry. I'll just be going then." "Turn out the lights on your way out, and tell Shizune to get my 'special' medicine, she'll know what you mean." "Yes, ma'am..."

"So, brats, looks like you're stuck with me. Sorry to get your hopes up!" Kidoumaru gave a 'Good Guy' pose. "Now, let's get back to the Forest of Death!" Konohamaru turned to Udon, "How in the world can anyone say 'Forest of Death' as if it were a _good_ thing?" "Because it is a good thing! You need to learn the house rules before gambling your lives. And I would hate to hear some of my students did something stupid and died from eating poisoned berries or some other rookie mistake! I'd be humiliated! So you will survive! If you die, I'll bring you back and kill you again!" He looked at Iruka, "Let's take these maggots back to the woods, Sensei!" As the group headed out, Kidoumaru pulled into step with Iruka, "Iruka-Sensei?" Iruka turned slightly, "Yes, Kidoumaru?" "I was thinking, if it's possible for me to enter the Chuunin Exams?" Iruka stopped cold, "Why? You already have undeniable skill." Kidoumaru looked at his feet, "It's true that I was... Vigorously tested in Otogakure, but think that the students would respect me more if I actually had taken the test." "I'd have to talk to the Hokage, if you're to wear the Konoha symbol." Kidoumaru smiled, "Of course, Sensei."

Tayuya sat impatiently in the living room of the Nara house,_ If that lazy #! has fallen the #! asleep, I'll kill him!_ She turned at the sound of footsteps, and blushed at the sight of Nara Shikamaru, also blushing, clad only in his infamous 'man-whore' shorts... "Well, Tayuya, happy now? I'm not going out in public in these, you know!" Tayuya tried to speak, "Uh..Uh....Uhm... No you're #! not! I don't want the other #! girls looking at my #! man! Icha Icha No Jutsu!; Glomp Attack!" Shikamaru found himself on the floor, Tayuya sitting on his chest.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Kazekage-Sama?" Gaara stood solemnly with his arms crossed, "I know, do not worry, I can control her until we reach Suna." Two Suna-Nin came out of the hospital, carrying a half-conscious Temari. Dr. Masume smiled nervously, "We had to sedate her, for her own safety." "Of course, doctor." Masume stared at the boy, _I wish I could examine this boy. A Jinkuurichi, and one who's been exorcised at that!_ "Thank you, doctor. I am grateful for your treatment of my sister. Baki. We have a long trip ahead of us..." He turned to his brother, "Farewell Kankurou, and try not to work too hard...Two days!" Gaara smiled lightly, and Kankurou was too awed by his brother's rare smile to say anything about his remarks. Kankurou and Hana watched as the Sandaime Kazekage of Sunagakure and their retinue vanished into the distance.

To Be Continued . . .


	57. Chapter 57

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 57

"So, you're going to be in the Chuunin exams?" Shikato looked across the table at Kidoumaru, "That's good. You have a team yet?" "Yeah, me, Kai and Souske." Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Aren't they your worst students?" Kidoumaru grinned, "Yes, that's why I picked them. I can keep an eye on them and teach them one on one." Yoshino shook her head, "More sleepless nights... I didn't sleep a wink while Shika was in the exams, every exam a lot more Genin go into the forest than come out again, alive, anyway. Is it really any better than what they used to do in Kiri? Making the entire class fight until only one's left alive?" "It's something I have to do, for my students, I can't very well expect them to have faith in my tactics if I've never gotten off the bench." "But you're already a ninja, you're almost at Jonin level!" "I'm sorry, mom. I just have to do this. I'd have to be at least an 'official' Chuunin anyway to be able to become a full-fledged instructor teacher at the Academy." Everyone popped to attention, "A full instructor? You want to be an instructor?" Shikato grinned, "That's my boy!"

"Goodbye, Dosu." Kin nodded as Zaku prepared the summon, "We'll miss you." "Thanks guys." Zaku turned slightly, "Good luck in the Leaf Pile..." He turned back and finished his summon, as the great dragonfly appeared. "Here she is, our ride." "Hey Eiji," Kidoumaru shouted, "Are you still planning on walking back to Grass?" "No. I need to go along, make sure the kids don't get scared..." "Yeah, the kids... Not you, of course." Kidoumaru snickered. "Hurry up, we need to get going." Zaku called back as he lept onto the creature, "See you losers later!" He indicated other Oto-Nins, "Try not to burn the village down!" "Speak for your own #! self, #! Wind-Bag!" "I Love you too, Tayuya." Kin jumped up behind Zaku, "Too bad, I'm not sharing you, Zaku!" Eiji climbed up shakily, "I must be crazy..." The dragonfly lifted into the air, and sped off toward Kusagakure.

Kidoumaru, Kai and Sousuke sat cross-legged in the grass as the Sensei, Daizu, laid out the list of 'missions' for the day. They were small things, mostly involving Chakra control techniques, designed to help the Genin learn the basics of Ninjitsu and Genjitsu. "So, for today's first mission, I'll refresh you on some basic distraction techniques... Illusions, Henge..." He looked at Kidoumaru,_ This boy's way beyond these simple techniques, but he put himself in the team, and I'm not going to treat him differently_, "Kidoumaru, would you demonstrate a Henge?" Kidoumaru nodded and stood, faced the group, and performed a short series of jutsu, then seemed to disappear into a cloud of smoke. The cloud cleared away and everyone shrunk back a bit. Kidoumaru was now a reddish-brown, horned monstrosity with large, pointed teeth and long claws. "This was what my Cursed Seal form looked like," he grinned, "Unfortunately, I no longer have the Seal..." "Errr...Yes, unfortunate." Kidoumaru made a counter-jutsu, and returned to his normal form in another cloud of smoke. "That would be an excellent intimidation technique, using a terrifying form. That's one way to distract your enemy, break their concentration. Would you demonstrate another technique, Sousuke?" Sousuke stood up, ran a hand through his pale green hair, and transformed into a naked woman, "Dear God!" Daizu shouted, "You've been hanging around that delinquent, Konohamaru!" "You have to admit, though, it is distracting. The first time I took on Konohamaru, he got me with that technique!" Sousuke returned to his normal appearance, "It's a good technique, it even got you, Sensei!" Daizu blushed, "Errr, very good, Sousuke. Kai?" Kai stood up and performed his Henge, taking on the appearance of a tree. "Very good, a camouflage technique, but an enemy could still find you, you haven't mastered control of your chakra yet. A well-trained ninja can disguise his Chakra as well as his form..." The red-head sighed and sat down. "Now, I will demonstrate a Henge." Daizu closed his eyes, formed the jutsu, and transformed into a clone of Iruka. "You see, you can take on the appearance of others, for instance, if I wanted to disguise myself and get into, say, Suna, unnoticed, I could take the appearance of," He became Kankurou, "Of course, I cannot perform his jutsu, but I doubt the guards would ask him to demonstrate his puppetering skills before letting him in..." Daizu returned to his true form, 'Now, practice." Kidoumaru moved over toward Kai, 'Here, I'll show you a good way to disguise your Chakra while we train..."

Sauske opened the door and screamed, standing in front of him was Kidoumaru, in full Cursed Seal form, "Time to die, pretty boy!" he growled, right before Sasuke slammed the door closed and ran screaming through the house.'Kidoumaru' fell down laughing, "Oh man! Did you see his face?!" Kidoumaru vanished in a cloud of smoke, revealing Konohamaru. Suigetsu stepped from the bushes, holding his side as Udon and Moegi appeared, all wild with laughter. Sai leaned against a nearby tree, impassive as always, "The Traitor certainly has a feminine scream, doesn't he?" Suddenly the door flew open, and Sasuke stepped out, holding a baseball bat. "You idiots! I'll kill you!" Sai smiled, "I assume this is the punchline?" Sasuke grinned, "Oh, I'll show you guys a punchline..." "And now comes the part where we run, correct?" The pranksters fled and the Uchiha raced after them. "Brother, I'm beginning to wonder if practical jokes are not inherently dangerous..." "Just shut up and run, stupid!" "I'm not stupid, Dickless Jr." "I have a dick, you dick!"

To Be Continued . . .


	58. Chapter 58

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 58

"Iwa has fallen, un?" Deidara was surprised by the news of his home village's troubles, but relatively unconcerned, mostly do in part to the fact that he had been sentenced to death as a Missing-Nin under the previous government. Still he knew the new leaders, and had no love for them, either. "That's too bad, un. I wanted to be the one to kill those artless dogs, un." "Do you think they pay well?" Deidara looked at Kakuzu in disgust, "Kakuzu, your greed is matched only by your avarice, un." Kakuzu smiled beneath his mask, "Avarice is greed, clay for brains." "I know. I was being dramatic, un."

"So, Sakura, I've always #! wondered, how #! _big_ is Kidoumaru?" Lee's eyes bugged out of his head and Kidoumaru nearly dropped his ice-cream, "Uh... We're... Waiting." "C'mon, you haven't #! peeked?" Shikamaru moaned and put his hands over his face, "You lived for years with him and _you_ didn't?" Ino asked. Kidoumaru looked around the Cute Kitsune in desperation, looking for something to change the subject, and had a brilliant idea. "Lee, why don't you tell us how you first met Gai?" Rock Lee began to talk loudly and enthusiastically about his beloved Sensei, chattering away like a giant squirrel who'd eaten too much sugar, and bringing a welcome interruption to the inappropriate discussion.

"So he recognized my Youthful potential, and took me as his student! It was the most wonderful day of my life! Blah, blah, blah! Youth, blah, blah, blah!" "Just shut the #! up already, Eyebrow-Boy!" Everyone turned to Tayuya, "How can anyone be so #! cheerful?!" She looked at the shocked faces around her, "How can anyone be unhappy all of the time? The world is a beautiful place!" "Listen, Bushy-Brows, the world is a awful #! hole, full of #! like me who'd #! kill you as soon as #! look at you." She rubbed her forehead, "Sorry, I've never had a... Nice, 'normal' life..." "_I_ am sorry. I know that there is evil in the world, but I do my best to dwell on the good things." "Yeah, he's right. Sasuke spent his whole life looking for revenge, dwelling on what happened to him. It made him into a cold-hearted freak, as bad as the one he wanted to kill." Sakura leaned over onto Kidoumaru's shoulder. "As far as I can tell, all Uchihas are nuts. Madara is/was a #! psycho demon, Itachi murdered his whole #! clan to get power, Sasuke has a #! stick up his #!, which is also where his #! brain is, the traitor, and Obito..." Tayuya paused, "He's... Nice... I guess even the Uchiha sometimes have throwbacks to when they were still #! human."

"And whenever I tell her she shouldn't talk like that, she hits me! She calls me... Fat!" Jirobou shook his head. 'Yeah, I hate that! I hate it when people say I'm fat!" Chouji took another bite of his lunch, "Everybody says I go crazy when someone calls me fat, but wouldn't they? If I called, say, Neji, a girly little freak, he'd get mad, and nobody would say anything! So why are we supposed to put up with it when people call us fat?!" Jirobou started eating a candy bar, "Why does Shikamaru never get angry when people call him lazy?" Chouji laughed, spilling crumbs on his shirt, "Because he's proud of it! And he's used to it, too, Yoshino's always calling Shikato lazy, so maybe he's trying to be like his dad?" Chouji turned a bit, "Errr, Jirobou, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Tayuya, she's crude, violent, mean... Shika knows that, but he's still dating her. She tortured him for God's sake!" Jirobou closed his eyes thoughtfully, "Yeah, she's a mean one. But I don't think she'd hurt Shikamaru, she's not stupid. And she seems to actually like him, I never thought Tayuya could like anyone, especially a guy. She always talked so bad about guys, Kidoumaru and the Twins had a running bet she was a lesbian." he finished off his candy bar and grabbed a bag of chips, "She's really... Something, isn't she?" Chouji nodded, "Yeah, she's 'something' all right... I'm not sure what!"

Sakon and Ukon looked around their new apartment, small, but comfortable. It was big enough, though, not to trigger the claustrophobia they'd gained after the terrible death they'd shared. "Do you think it's bugged?" Sakon asked, "Probably. Would you trust us?" Sakon laughed, 'I'd probably have killed us when we showed up in the village." "Well, where lucky these guys ain't us." Sakon stretched, It was good to be able to stand and move around on his own again. He was also grateful the headaches were gone, it's hard to think when your head feels like it's going to explode. "So, wanna' go pay Kabuki-Boy a visit, Sakon?" "No. he's already screwed himself over better than we could, the fool, getting _married_ like that...Besides, I want to relax for a while, we can go laugh at the weak Genin at the Academy, then go look at that waterfall under those stupid statues, then just lay in the sun for a while." "How exciting, and then we can knit baby clothes for when Kabuki-Boy and Dog-Girl have puppies, or whatever they'd have."

As everyone headed their separate ways, another unthinkable event shook the fabric of reality... "Shikamaru." Tayuya looked Shika in the eye, "I'm... Sorry." Shikamaru stopped in his tracks, "Sorry for what?" "Sorry for #! torturing your stupid #! Sorry for #! trying to #! kill you!" She looked away sadly, 'I'm sorry." Shikamaru lazily put an arm around her, "That's okay. I forgive you." She looked at him suspiciously, "Just like that?" Shikamaru yawned, "Yep. You were angry, I don't blame you, but that's in the past. Besides, I know what it's like to want revenge so bad you'd do anything to get it..." "You mean Hidan?" "Yeah, he killed my Sensei, Sarutobi Asuma. He was a good man, he was, in some ways, more like a father to me than my real dad. I always said I just wanted to be a average guy with an average life, but I'd really like to be just like him... He saved my life so many times, and when... When it happened, I couldn't do a thing except watch that monster kill him. I was helpless. When he needed me, I couldn't do a #! thing." He clenched his fists and looked up at the stars, but she could still see the tears running down his cheeks. "I'll bet he's proud of you." She slipped a hand around his fist and he relaxed, allowing her to take his hand. "God, I hope so."

To Be Continued . . .


	59. Chapter 59

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 59

Kidoumaru swung silently down through the branches, landing inches from the his team. He held a finger to his lips, then gestured with his hands. Kai and Sousuke rushed to their positions. A few seconds later they struck, catching the other team completely unaware, within seconds they had them bound and gagged. Kidoumaru threw a few more gestures their way, and they carried their captives behind a thick bush, then lept into the treetops. Kai made a quick, urgent gesture, and the trio jumped back into the safety of the foliage as Konohamaru sent a Rasengan their way. Kai retaliated by sending a colorful burst of Chakra, temporarily blinding Moegi, who wasn't able to turn away in time. Konohamaru grabbed Moegi and the trio moved to jump, only to be caught in strong earthen hands formed by Sousuke's Earth Style Jutsu; Hands of The Earth, and were pulled back down and firmly captured. Hiro pushed out of a nearby tree and shot green tendrils at the final trio, only to be pushed back. He vanished into the tree without a sound, and emerged beneath Kidoumaru, grasping his arms in thick vines, only to be literally spat out of the ground by one of Sousuke's jutsu. He recovered in midair and landed on his feet, sending a stream of pollen at the group, which was promptly blown away three separate wind jutsu. Hiro's eyes narrowed as Kidoumaru's web struck him, pinning him to a tree, but the boy vanished easily into the tree's trunk. He emerged from an opposite tree, only to be hit by a flash of bright white light. Hiro sunk into the ground once more, holding his eyes.

Kidoumaru's team scanned the area, feeling the terrain around them for the next attack."That was... Impressive." Hiro sat on a nearby rock, rubbing his eyes. "You weren't so bad yourself." Kai added, "Alright?" "Yes. You guys are the only team left standing." "So, we're the winners?" Sousuke asked, "Cool." Kidoumaru nodded, "You guys are great characters," He walked over to the bushes and released the captured Genin, while Sousuke released his grip on Team Konohamaru, "Great game." Sousuke nodded, "Yeah, but imagine if we run into several characters with Hiro's tricks? We barely took him." Hiro looked at them tiredly, "Leech-All-Creation is almost as rare as Sharingan. Still, it never hurts to prepare, does it?" "No, no it doesn't." Iruka, Daizu, Kakashi and Kurenai stepped from the shadows. "With the exams so close, we have to be prepared for anything." Kakashi spoke without even raising his eyes from his _Icha Icha_ book, "I still remember the ugly surprises we had when Gaara entered the exams, not to mention the Oto-Nin, Dosu alone caused incredible damage..." Kidoumaru's mind went back to the invasion, the abduction of Sasuke, his own death, the deaths of his friends and teammates. _Jirobou, Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon, Kimimaro, Kin, Dosu, Zaku... Kin and Zaku were murdered by their own hateful master, the rest were fortunate enough to die in battle. My team... The Oto-Five... We left Jirobo, and he was killed, and then... Then I died... And the others..._

The teams reassembled back at the Academy and, after a quick head-check, everyone went off into their own teams for instructions, praise or criticism from their teachers. Kidoumaru looked around at his team, Tanaka Sousuke, thin, red-headed, freckled earth style user, Fujimori Kai, tall, green-haired green-eyed lightning style user. When they'd first met, the pair had been his worst students, barely even worthy of the title Genin, but now they were ranking With Hiro at the high end of the class, in part due to Daizu, their clever, sometimes cunning Sensei. He looked at Daizu, his Sensei was medium height, well-muscled, black hair, unremarkable features save for his red eyes. He was, surprisingly enough, a snow ninja, not a native of Konoha. His icy powers could be most unpleasant, especially to those from relatively warm areas, like Otogakure. Kidoumaru's own jutsu tended to be an often confusing blend of earth, wind and water. Daizu was going over what to expect, generally, in the Chuunin exams; it was a challenging, and terrible contest, outright barbaric at times... The first portion was the written exam, the second, a free-for all search for hidden scrolls in the Forest of Death, during which anything was allowed, including murdering your opponents, the third, one on one combat with another Chuunin hopeful. Even Lazy Shikamaru hadn't been able to whine his way out of the physical portions of the exams, fighting and defeating Kin and simply walking away half-way through his battle with Temari. Kidoumaru smirked to himself,_ Has Shikamaru ever really fought a male opponent?_ Daizu dismissed his students, and Kidoumaru hurried home to shower and change before meeting up with his fellow Oto-refugees as well as Sakura and Shikamaru at the Barbeque restaurant, to eat and just hang out and enjoy things before the madness started. He looked around at the people in the streets, and noted the many foreign ninja who'd begun to arrive, Suna, Kiri, Oto, Iwa, Kusa, Taki, even Snow and Cloud. _A lot of competition, this is going to be a hell of a challenging game... _

To Be Continued . . .


	60. Chapter 60

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 60

Kidoumaru looked around calmly at the competition. They were a unique bunch, from all of the villages. There were few with obvious specialties, he was surprised to see, of all things, a puppeteer from Amegakure. The hopefuls were male and female alike, mostly between twelve and twenty-five. The faces betrayed a variety of emotions; fear, determination, arrogance, well-founded paranoia, hope, even hatred. Kidoumaru tried to determine who seemed most likely to attack other teams, for blood-lust as much as to achieve victory. One in particular, a cold-eyed nin from Iwa, was staring at him with unhidden malice. Kidoumaru smirked and winked, and the Iwa-Nin shot him a look of pure murder. Kidoumaru grinned, _This guy's trouble, no doubt about it._ The Ninja approached Kidoumaru's team, and stopped inches from the Spider-Nin's face. "So, you were one of Orochimaru's elite? You don't look like much to me..." "Being that freak's bodyguard doesn't seem as much a honor as it did then. But, if you want to try to gain a reputation by taking me down..." His eyes narrowed dangerously, "You'll find out how capable I really am." The Nin snorted arrogantly, "Yeah, everyone knows Orochimaru's boys were freaks and losers, not to mention his personal _bed-warmers_..." Kidoumaru glared at the guy, then laughed, "I've been challenged many times for my position, and won each time. It took a Hyuuga to beat me in battle, and he only barely survived. And from your Chakra, you're no match for the weakest of Orochimaru's Genin, much less the Field Leader of the Oto-Five. As for 'bed-warmers', you trash character..." He punched the man in the face, sending him sprawling, holding his broken nose, "That's none of your business." "I'll kill you for this you freak!" Kidoumaru simply grinned, "Try it. Give me an excuse to take you out of the game, permanently." "Hey! You two, save the fighting for the exams!" Kidoumaru nodded at the proctor, "Of course." His opponent, leaning on a teammate, shot one last threat before leaving, "I'll see you in the forest, freak." "If you want to die so badly, I'd be happy to oblige..." "The name's Honshu, remember it!" "I'll put it on your grave, trash."

The written test was a simple matter for Kidoumaru, even though those two twisted little Proctors, Kotetsu and Izumo were eating their lunch, loudly, as the students tried to concentrate. He noticed several students glancing at his paper, but such tactics were normal for ninja. After the written exam everyone who'd passed assembled at the edge of the Forest of Death, while friends, relatives and supporters gave encouragement or goodbye's... "Be careful. If you die, I'll break every bone in your body..." Sakura leaned against Kidoumaru's chest as the Nara clan gathered around him, along with his fellow Oto-Nin and several friends. "Yeah, take care of yourself, Troublesome Hard-Working Kid, I don't want to have to do all of your chores..." As Rock Lee gave his Youthful encouragement, Kidoumaru let his eyes scan the others. Honshu and his group had made it, unfortunately for them, the puppeteer, Maki, was fawning over Kankurou, who obviously had no idea who the kid was, Hiro stood silent and emotionless, _The kid's like a freakin' Uchiha!_, the Oto/Rice/Whatever Nin were talking excidedly amongst each other, and Kidoumaru actually recognized a few of them now.

"Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Youthful strength! Blah, blah, blah, Lotus! Blah, blah, blah..." "Alright, it's time!" Everyone shut up and turned to see Kurenai,"Good luck... You'll all need it." He noticed Honshu and his team glaring at him, but just smiled and waved. "Okay guys, we're going into the next level, this is where the trash characters come in to take out anyone they can. Now remember the game plan?" Both boys nodded, "Then let's go." And together they rushed off into the forest.

To Be Continued . . .


	61. Chapter 61

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 61

As Team Daizu worked their way silently and cautiously through the forest, Kidoumaru had time, unfortunately, to think of his last forest mission. The irony of the fact that his team was also Team Five was not lost on him, and he had no desire to relive the unfortunate fate that befell the Oto-Five. Suddenly Sousuke stopped, motioning downward before leaping to the foot of the tree they were in, and pulling a scroll from amongst the roots, fittingly, it was the Earth Scroll. After a brief, silent pat on the back, the group headed on.

Hiro reached into a small opening in a group of boulders, and pulled out a Heaven Scroll, before vanishing back into the earth. He continued to speed forward underground, unseen and hopefully safe from any who would rob him of his scroll and his life. _Now, I just need the Earth Scroll..._

Kidoumaru noted a few other Genin teams as they passed, unheard and unseen, through the thick forest, he had no desire to attack them, unlike certain others, so they continued on until he noticed something from the corner of his eye, and halted his confused companions. He pointed to thin, almost invisible line of wire, then motioned them back. He sent out a Chakra string, attached it to the wire, and pulled. The resulting explosion leveled about a circle of trees, leaving only licking flames. He frowned at the noise, and motioned the others toward the left, and took off.

Hiro emerged from a tree trunk and snatched the Earth Scroll from a bird's nest. _It's odd, the Heaven Scroll was found in the earth, and the Earth Scroll was in the sky..._ He moved down the tree into the earth and continued on.

Kidoumaru sighed, _Being a good guy sure does make the game harder._ He motioned the others to stop, and lept to the ground. Maki was half-sitting, half-fallen against a tree, sweating profusely. He looked at the newcomers in alarm, but really couldn't do much about them. "What happened?" "Something... Bit me, some kind of bug. It must have been poisonous." His voice was weak and shaky, and he was obviously having difficulty seeing, not to mention breathing. Kidoumaru shook his head, _Who teaches these guys? Do they want them to die?_ "What did it look like?" "It was a beetle, a gold... beetle. Kidoumaru pulled out his medical kit, and found the anti-venom for the Golden Death Beetle." "Okay, I'm gonna' give you a shot." He rolled up the boy's right sleeve and injected the anti-venom into a vein. "How long will it take?" Kai asked, he was all for helping people, but he wanted to get out of the forest before his fiftieth birthday, too. Kidoumaru addressed his answer to Maki, "It will help immediately, but you won't gain your strength back for a while." he looked around, "Where's your team?" It was a stupid question, an injured ninja was dead weight, they'd left him behind. "They left, I don't blame them, we didn't have any medicine for poison..."_ Unprepared and ignorant of the dangers here, his sensei must be a true fool!_ Kidoumaru sighed and draped the boy over his shoulders, "Okay, then you'll come with us, but you have to keep quiet. We're trying not to talk at all until we're out of here." Maki nodded. "Heh, you want to know something about bugs? Kankurou's terrified of them..."

Hiro walked out of the tower, he'd been the first to finish. He looked around, but no one else had made it yet, but, of course, no one else in the exams could travel through the earth like water, not that he knew of, anyway._ I hope the others make it,_ he thought to himself as he slid back into the ground.

Sousuke indicated what Kidoumaru already knew, they were being followed. Maki had no idea what the hand signs meant, but was too sore and tired from the venom to care. Kidoumaru motioned quickly and they dropped gracefully to the ground. He set Maki in the cover of some thick brush and Team Five began setting a trap for their pursuers. A few moments later Honshu and his team appeared, "We should be getting scrolls, Honshu!" One said, "We'll take their's once we kill them." They were whispering but not quietly enough. "Now with that dead weight, they'll be slower, and have to stop more." Honshu stopped a few feet from the trap, and knelt on a large branch, "They stopped here. Then took to the ground, I hate to admit it, but these guys are good." They lept to the ground, and right into the second trap. The ground beneath them vanished, and Honshu's two companions fell into a dark hole lined with webbing. Honshu cursed as Kidoumaru and the others emerged. "Don't worry, they're not hurt," Kidoumaru smiled, "Surrender?" Honshu replied by throwing a smoke bomb and, rushed forward to strike Kidoumaru with his kunai, only to meet with the hard wood of a large, winged puppet. Maki stood shakily and the puppet grasped Honshu tightly, picked him up, and threw him into the hole with the rest of his team. "Good work, Tenshi." The puppet took a theatrical bow, then vanished. "Thanks, Maki." Kidoumaru looked toward the pit, "They don't have a scroll, pity. The webbing will break down in a few hours, you idiots, I'm not leaving you to die. But I probably should, Honshu, you, at least, are too stupid to live." With that Team Five vanished into the forest again.

To Be Continued . . .


	62. Chapter 62

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 62

The blonde ninja grinned as a tiny clay bird fluttered quietly into the Council Chamber in Iwagakure. He raised a hand and began to count, "Three, two, one, katsu!" The building exploded in a shower of dust and flame, and for the second time in less than two months, Iwagakure was without a government. "Hmmmm... I wonder if they appreciate my art now, un?" Deidara maneuvered his giant clay bird over the wreckage and stunned onlookers, landing atop the the central dome of the Kage's palace. "Hey, this is my town now, un!"

Team Five looked out at the small creek, the scroll was clearly visible, it had been placed within a bottle that was apparently anchored by some sort of weight and the riverbed, keeping it from floating away. "Well, one of us has to go get it." Kidoumaru took off his shirt, "I guess that's me." As he bent to take off his shoes, a hideous, bat-winged humanoid puppet flew over his head, out to the bottle, snatched it up, and carried it back to land before vanishing. "How many of those do you have?" Maki, feeling much stronger now, grinned proudly, "Just the two, Tenshi and Youkai." "Angel and demon, huh?" Kai observed. 'Thanks Maki, let's see what's inside. If I believed in luck I'd say it's probably another Earth Scroll..." Maki opened the bottle and pulled out the Heaven Scroll as Kidoumaru pulled his shirt back on, "I guess your demon brought us a little piece of heaven..."

Honshu pulled free of the decaying web as his teammates did the same, "That #! Spider! He's made his last mistake!" His teammates looked at him angrily, "We have to look for those Scrolls, we're late as it is!" "Do what you want, but I'm not gonna' let one of Orochimaru's whores make a fool out of me again." "You'll be doing it alone, Honshu, we're going..." But Honshu had already left.

"Well, well, well... What have we here, two weaklings, an Oto-Freak, an idiot who thinks he's Kankurou-Sama and two scrolls." One of the teams from Suna stood against Team Five, "Okay, let's say you give us your scrolls, and we may let your sorry #! live, okay?" The Suna-Nin laughed. Kidoumaru laughed right back, "We searched a long time for these, and we're not throwing the game, especially not for trash characters like you." The head Suna-Nin smiled, "I hoped you'd say that." "Then let's play." One of the Suna Genin pulled out a flute and put it to his lips, but Kidoumaru was uniquely well prepared for such an attack, he'd barely gotten off a few notes before the flute was wrenched from his hands and smashed against a nearby tree. "I used to work with a girl who uses that trick. She does it much better." Kidoumaru smirked as the lead ninja shot a deadly stream of high-pressured sand toward the group, but Sousuke blocked the deadly wave with a earthen wall. The third rushed forward, spinning like a top and flinging kunai, only to meet a blinding electric charge and go crashing into a large rock, leaving him unconscious. The leader snarled and began to draw up a sandstorm, using the earthen wall for material, tearing it apart, but he failed to realize that a demon was bearing down on him. Youkai grabbed him and hurled him headlong into a tree. Alone and unarmed, The flutist wisely surrendered, and Kidoumaru approached him, "Pitiful. Like I said, find your own scrolls, losers." He nodded, and the group moved on, leaving three very surprised and unhappy Suna Genin behind.

Sakura sat atop the roof of the Academy, staring into the Forest of Death, over a day had passed, and only Hiro had returned successful. Several Genin had quit, and a few others had been carried out half-dead, or worse. Apparently no one had seen Kidoumaru's team since they entered the forest, but that was expected as he'd already stated they'd be moving secretly, and taking no chances. "He's alright. He's incredibly tough, he's not gonna' go down easy." She turned to see Shikamaru, "It's been almost twelve hours." "We took longer, remember." She smiled, "It's just, hard." "Dont' #! worry, that #! is too tough to be #! killed by any of these #! weaklings!" Tayuya sat beside them, "Most of these #! couldn't take down a #! daisy!" "Remember that Honshu guy? He sure seemed to have his sights on taking Kidoumaru out of the game." Tayuya laughed, "You're even starting to talk like him..."

Kidoumaru turned, Again? This guy really is too stupid to live. He motioned to the others to stop, and waited for Honshu to catch up. "I see you really are a fool, Honshu." Honshu flung several senbon at the Spider-Nin, who actually caught them in his bare hands. "Give it up, don't make me kill you." "Like you could, you're just one of Orochimaru's little sluts." Kidoumaru retaliated by spitting Chakra at the fool, who managed to dodge and disappear into the brush, followed closely by the Spider. "Hey, slut! Watch this!" Honshu smiled and flung a handful of senbon at Kidoumaru's teammates. They scattered, but one struck Kai in the shoulder,but that was enough for Kidoumaru. In a flash of red and brown Kidoumaru pulled a kunai and rammed it into Honshu's chest. Honshu looked down in shock at the blade, "No one hurts my teammates, you #! trash!" Kidoumaru pulled the blade out and rammed it under Honshu's chin, killing him. He left the bloodstained kunai in the body and lept to the ground and his wounded teammate._ I should have killed him the first time... Why was I so soft?!Not again, Dear God, not again!_ He knelt over Kai, who was shaking violently. "It's poison, attacks the nervous system. I've seen it before, I use it myself. He needs... May I see your medical kit?" Kidoumaru handed Maki the kit, "Yeah, that's it." He pulled out a small bottle and a syringe, "This will work, but he'll be weak for a long time." He gave out the injection. "We'll have to wait to move him.."Kidoumaru looked at his teammate, _IDIOT! It's my fault...I got cocky, thought I could play with this trash... It's my fault..._ He screamed and struck a nearby tree, breaking it to pieces, then another, and another...

To Be Continued . . .


	63. Chapter 63

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 63

Several minutes later, Kidoumaru finally stopped taking out his rage on the unfortunate trees, and leaned heavily against one of the few trees still standing, panting. He turned to see his team staring in shock and fear at what he'd done. "Kidoumaru-Sempai..." "I should have killed him the first time. It's my responsibility as leader of this team to protect it's members... I failed. I failed again..." Maki looked at him in confusion, "Again?" "The Oto-Five." Sousuke said, "The Elite Bodyguard of Orochimaru, Kidoumaru-Sempai was the field leader, they were all killed while trying to keep the Konoha Genin from 'rescuing' that Uchiha freak, Sasuke. Kidoumaru--Sempai died too... The Akatsuki brought them back." "I'd never been defeated before, never! I was so cocky, so sure I couldn't lose, and everyone died because of it." "No, they died because of Orochimaru." Kai said softly, "He sent you to die, just like he did Zaku and the others." "That's not the point! I was weak, and my team died!" "No, you're not weak, you weren't weak, the other team was just stronger. There's always someone stronger, remember. You taught us that. If not for you, we wouldn't have made it to the exams at all. You taught us as much as Iruka-Sensei and Daizu-Sensei." "And you saved my life, even though we are from different teams, different countries... Not many people would do that for someone, even a teammate." Maki added, "Much less spend time and energy carrying them around, just to make sure they're safe." Kidoumaru shook his head, he really didn't want to talk about it, "We have the scrolls, I'll carry Kai. We're not far from the tower now. We can get him help there... and I have to get all of you out of here. I won't lose another team again. I won't let you die..." The tower was, indeed, only about a half hour away, and Kai was taken to the hospital. Sousuke returned home, but Kidoumaru decided to stay for a while, he didn't want to explain everything that had happened, he had, after all, killed a man...

"Is he all right?" Sousuke looked at Sakura, "He's fine, he's just upset about what happened. He should be back soon." Shikamaru just stared into the distance, he knew what it was like to nearly lose a team, ironically, they'd all nearly died at the hands of the Oto-Five, Kidoumaru's team._ The guilt was terrible, they were my responsibility, and I felt, still feel, sometimes, as if I failed them all. And they all survived, I can't imagine how Kidoumaru feels, his team died. We didn't want to fight them, much less kill them, but we didn't have a choice. Neither did they, Orochimaru murdered his own loyal followers, like Zaku, I don't want to know what he would do to those who refused to fight... Is this what was troubling you? Why won't you let anyone help you? Are you so stubborn that you'd go crazy rather than ask for help?_

"No sign of your team yet?" "No." Maki sat next to Kidoumaru on the hard stone floor of the tower. Several teams had shown up since Team Five had arrived at the tower, some of them Kidoumaru's students, Including Konohamaru's team, which didn't really surprise him. Maki took of his hat, revealing a shock of shiny, copper-colored hair."I should have said this before, but_ thank you_. You did save my life, and you could have just left me to die..." "You're welcome. It turned out to be a smart move after all, you were a great help, not to mention you saved Kai's life." "Where's Honshu?" They looked up at the Iwa-Nin. Kidoumaru shrugged, "He's dead. I killed him. I warned him, I spared him the first time, but he came back and hurt my friend, so I killed him." The Iwa-Nin looked at him in shock and horror, "You... You killed him! You #!" "I suppose you two want to throw away your lives too?" The ninja looked at him in terror, and quickly retreated.

_Why do I have to keep giving her these messages? Does destiny hate me so much?_ Tatami prepared himself to run, "Iwagakure has... Fallen again. That... Ex-Akatsuki terrorist Deidara has taken over."_ Tsumade-Sama is taking it well, she must be really drunk..._ Tsunade stood and went to the window of her office, staring out over the city, "Deidara... That bomber, the guy who looks like Ino?" Shizune nodded, even though the Hokage was looking in the other direction, "Yes ma'am." She turned to Tatami, "Run while she's distracted." She whispered, and the Chuunin fled. "That's perfect," Tsunade moaned, "Pein controls Amegakure and Deidara controls Iwakagure. What's next, will Zetsu conquer Kusa? Will Kakuzu take over Taki?" "Deidara and Kakuzu have both left Akatsuki..." Shizune spoke quietly. "That's not the point. The world's going insane, Shizune." She returned to her desk and sunk into her chair tiredly, "We'd best inform the various ninja from Iwa who are here for the exams, if they don't know already..."

"Kidoumaru!" Sakura rushed forward as Kidoumaru finally returned, then pulled back a bit. His clothing was covered in dry blood. "Oh my God, what happened?" "It's not mine." Kidoumaru said, in a tone that made it evident he didn't want to talk about it. "Oh. Are you alright?" "I don't know yet, if all of my students come back alive, then I'm alright." He walked over to Sakura, "I have to go shower and put on some clean clothes, I'll be back in a little while."

"So, you made it, jan." Kankurou stood smiling beside the Academy gym as Maki walked up, he had become rather fond of the younger puppeteer. "Barely, I was bitten by a poisonous beetle, I would have died if Kidoumaru and his team hadn't found me and given me the antidote." He blushed slightly, "They even took me with them to make sure I'd be alright." Kankurou nodded, "Yeah. He's a great guy. A beetle?" He shuddered, "Man, I hate bugs, especially since I saw Shino blow that kid's arms off with those freakin' Kikai, jan." "Yeah, then you kicked his tail." Kankurou raised an eyebrow, _How much about me does this kid know?_ "MAKI!?" Both puppeteers tuned to see Maki's teammates staring in disbelief at their presumed dead comrade. "How did you...?" "You were poisoned, you were almost dead!" They rushed forward happily, "A team from Konoha found me, Team Five, they gave me some anti-venom and took me with them." "You know we would have helped you if we could, but we..." The female teammate said started. "Yeah, I know. We weren't prepared. First thing in the morning I'm getting a medical kit. I was stupid to go out there without any kind of real medicine..."

Kidoumaru stood under the shower head for quite a while, thinking, as the warm water flowed over him. In about forty-eight hours he'd saved one life and taken another. The strange destiny of the ninja, of any type of soldier, to protect and destroy, to save and to kill..._ I've killed before, but, This time, I showed that fool mercy and he nearly killed Kai.._. He felt tears forming in his eyes, and lifted his head into the stream of warm water, washing them away.

To Be Continued . . .


	64. Chapter 64

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 64

"Are you alright, Kidoumaru?" Yoshino asked as Kidoumaru walked down the stairs. "I'm... Just tired, mom..." stood in front of him with her arms crossed, "You're an awful liar." "I'd rather not talk about it." "Probably not, but you still need to, you're a smart boy, you know how these things can eat someone up..." "I just..." Shikato moved over next to his wife, "We really need to talk about this, Kidoumaru." Kidoumaru flinched, That's exactly what I said to Shikamaru. "Okay." His voice was quiet and resigned, "Let's just, sit down first." He walked over to one of the chairs, and sat down, "I was Field Leader of the Oto-Five, well, under Kimimaro, but he was only there on special missions. We got ourselves killed by a bunch of Genin, and I can't stand it." His eyes narrowed, "I failed in my responsibility, and my team was killed by a bunch of amateurs. And now I made a stupid mistake and nearly got another team killed." Shikato shook his head, _It's an old story_, "Being a ninja means being a soldier, sometimes the only thing standing between life and death is a single footstep. Ninja die on missions, no matter how good, how smart you are, all it takes is a little bad luck for you and a little good luck for them. I remember hearing about one time a Jounin was killed because a bird flew over his head and one of the enemy turned to look at the bird and spotted him. They had no idea he was there, the guy was just looking at a bird..." He paused for a moment, "And then there was Asuma..."

"Asuma? Sarutobi Asuma? Shikamaru's Sensei?" "One and the same. He did everything right in his battle with the Akatsuki member Hidan, but nobody had any knowledge of the fact that he was immortal, or that he could transfer his own wounds to the enemy... Asuma was a great ninja, a Jounin, and a great fighter, he'd fought that Kisame and Itachi and survived. But Hidan killed him, despite everything he and Shikamaru did, there was just no way at the time to stop him. They did everything right and Asuma still died." He frowned, "Shikamaru never really forgave himself for that." He took a deep breath, "From what he and the others told us about you and your team, you fought like demons and nearly wiped them out. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm glad you failed, else Shikamaru would be dead and you'd still be with that freak. I'm not glad you guys died, you shouldn't celebrate death, even of the enemy, but we also want to see Shikamaru grow up..." "I've had to kill to protect my friends and teammates too, that's where I went wrong. This guy threatened me, made it clear he wanted to kill me and make a name for himself as the guy who took down Kidoumaru, but when I had the chance, I spared him. Then he came back and nearly killed Kai, because I wanted to be a 'nice' guy, I nearly got my team killed." Shikato closed his eye and rubbed his forehead, "Killing isn't easy, it shouldn't be, and the day you no longer care is the day you cease to be human. You tried to do the right thing, that it backfired wasn't your fault, it was his. I heard that you saved another kid's life, and he helped you find the scrolls and save Kai. People react differently to kindness, you have no idea who'll be grateful and who'll spit in your eye, but you can't just kill everyone for fear they might some day betray you."

"I wonder where he is, he's been gone for a while now." Sakura said nervously, "It's not like Kidoumaru to be held up." "Relax, the Troublesome Hard-Worker probably stopped to help someone with their laundry or something..." Shikamaru yawned, "I'd better get home, you wanna' come see if he's still there?" "He's not. He's coming right now." Sakura waved toward Kidoumaru, who looked exhausted. "Hey babe, sorry it took so long, I had to talk over some things with the folks." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, "What say we go see Kai, then go get some dinner? I'll pay, of course." "That would be nice." Shikamaru turned, "I'm tired, I'll see you later." "You're always tired, and I bet you're going to see Tayuya." "Hmp." Was Shikamaru's only reply, even though Kidoumaru was right...

"It's not over, you know. They're just letting us rest up for the last part of the exam..." Sakura nodded, "Of course, silly, I took that test too, you know." "Who did you fight?" She smiled, "Ino." Kidoumaru laughed, "Ooooh, a _cat-fight_! Who won?" Sakura blushed a bit, "Nobody, we knocked each other out at the same time..." To Kidoumaru's credit, he tried not to laugh, "You... Oh man," He fell over laughing, "Kidoumaru, it's not funny! I guess, it is, in a way, still..." Sakura couldn't help it either, she broke down laughing too.

To Be Continued . . .


	65. Chapter 65

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 65

Shikamaru looked at Tayuya and smiled, "Hey, could you play the flute for me? I really like it." Tayuya pulled her flute from it's pouch, "So, you really like my music." "When it's not being used to summon demons to kill me." Tayuya nodded, "But that's some of my best work!" She put the flute to her lips, and started to play. It was a soft, haunting melody, filled with emotion, she closed her eyes and drifted into the music. The music went on for several minutes, flowing from the rooftop into the crowd, who were enchanted. When the music stopped, Tayuya opened her eyes to see a Genin from Suna standing next to Shikamaru. "Who the #! are you?!" Tayuya's harsh, obscene shout broke the tranquil spell. "I'm Kotaro." He smiled and pulled out a flute he'd purchased to replace the one Kidoumaru had broken. "And you must be Tayuya. I've heard a lot about you." "I'm taken #!-boy!" Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably, he'd never expected a rival for Tayuya's affections... "No, you misunderstand. I'm a Summoner too, but, as Kidoumaru pointed out after breaking my old flute, you're much better at it than I am." Tayuya frowned, she didn't know this guy, and was sure she wouldn't like him, but she remembered how she'd felt when her flute was broken by that Sand Witch. As cruel as she could be, Tayuya respected music, it was the one thing in her life she viewed as sacred. "So, what the #! do you want? A #! autograph? "Cause I'm not some #! generous music teacher!" Kotaro sighed and looked at the shingles beneath his feet, "Oh. Well, I..." "C'mon, you could just listen to him." Tayuya glared at Shikamaru, "I'm #! not no #! soft goody-goody like you!" She bit her lip, _Aw #! I'm gettin' soft!_ "Alright, I'll listen to you, maybe even show you a few tricks... Just don't tell anyone, I don't want any #! to think I'm #! soft!" Kotaro smiled, "Thank you!" he bowed slightly. "Don't #! thank you, I haven't #! done anything yet!"

"So, brat, are you about ready to ditch this dump?" Kai sat on a hospital bed, still weakened from the poison, "I'm not out of the game yet, Sempai." "Good." Kidoumaru could feel Kai's parents looking at him angrily, "Thought you'd want to know, all of the class made it through. Hiro beat everyone to the prize." "I'm not surprised. He usually gets the high score." Kidoumaru nodded, "I'd better go now, see ya' at the training grounds." Kai nodded and Kidoumaru walked with Sakura out of the room. "He's not going back, not with you, anyway." Kidoumaru turned to see Kai's father, "I never liked the idea of an Oto-Nin around my kid, but I never imagined you'd endanger him by being_ soft_. You're not going around Kai again." Kidoumaru clenched his jaw, but it was Sakura who spoke, "I've watched them train, your son has gotten a lot better at his jutsu and tactics ever since Kidoumaru started helping at the Academy. This wasn't Kidoumaru's fault, if anything, he's made these kids a lot stronger and safer." "How, by teaching them to leave their enemies alive and free to attack them again? That's idiotic!" Kidoumaru clenched his teeth, "I spared seven that day, one hurt your son, five left, and the third saved your son's life. It can run any way. I'm no seer or prophet or whatever, I don't know who'll be a friend and who'll be an enemy." "Just stay away from my boy. I've already spoken to the instructors. I couldn't get your sorry #! fired, but I made sure you'll never endanger my son again." Sakura slid her left arm around Kidoumaru's right, "Let's go, Kidoumaru, it's obvious this guy's made up his tiny mind." They walked out arm in arm. "Don't let him get to you. You did the right thing." Kidoumaru nodded silently, "I thought, after all this time, all my work, they might actually accept me. But then, these are the same trash who hated Naruto for just existing. Guys like that aren't worth worrying about, I just hope it doesn't hurt Kai..."

"This place is wonderful. So stimulating." Eiichiro found himself unable to agree with his god, this was, after all, hell. He'd never been fond of torture, a waste of time and energy for the tormentor's own perverted pleasures, and torture was the basis of hell. Still, even Eiichiro had to admit there was some pleasure in watching creatures like Orochimaru and Madara writhing in unspeakable agonies, but, after a while, it gets boring... To Jashin, however, this place was Heaven. There were lakes of blood, ever present flames and the constant agonized screams of those like Orochimaru and that Kazekage freak, so evil as to be judged irredeemable. Jashin himself and his followers were in no danger, Jashin was powerful enough to convince the tormenting demons to avoid those he wished, and there were many followers of The Path of Jashin in hell, even among the demons. Eiichiro didn't enjoy hell, but at least he was with his god. He'd recognized many faces, some he had sent here himself, quite a few, in fact. He thought of the living world, his parents and brother were moving on with their lives, Eiji, Zaku and Kin now lived with his own parents... Zaku, Abumi Zaku. The one who'd sent Jashin and most of his followers here in that last battle, The Invisible Blade, the Jashinist Devil. Still, he had to admire the boy, he'd faced down Jashin, as had Eiji and the others, but Zaku had killed him. He turned and looked over at his fellow High Priests, all five of them, himself included, had fallen in the same day, Eiichiro had been slain by his own brother. But it didn't matter, he'd seen it in visions for years, seeing one's own death years before the fact was horrific and maddening. Eventually he had come to peace with it, and had nurtured and trained the boy by who's hand he was destined to fall. A far crueler irony was that Zaku, one of those he'd brought back from the dead, had killed Jashin. Still, he felt no anger or malice towards the boy, he'd fulfilled his destiny. "Jashin-Sama." Jashin was enraptured by the sight of a demon skinning Orochimaru, That's a new one, and didn't look away to reply, "Yes?" "Has Pein arrived yet?" He had to shout as Orochimaru's screams increased in both pitch and volume, "Not yet. He still has one body left, but he should be here soon enough."

To Be Continued . . .


	66. Chapter 66

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 66

Gaara's arrival was quiet and dignified, in fact, many didn't even know that the Kazekage had entered Konoha. Of course, as Kazekage it was his duty/honor/chore to help preside over the Chuunin exams. Gaara had little emotion about the fact that his father had been murdered and replaced by Orochimaru five years before at the previous exam, which was used by the Accursed Snake as a springboard for a Oto-Suna joint invasion attempt on Konoha, the fallout from which had delayed any new exams for years now. "Gaara!" Kankurou smiled and embraced his brother, still a new experience for both, for five years ago Gaara had still been controlled by the demon Shukaku and his own rage, to such an extent that both of his formidable siblings were terrified to even be near him, much less hug him. "Kankurou, how's the wife?" "She's fine." He nodded in the direction of Inuzuka Hana, who had stepped forward, followed by her dog, Shiromaru. She gave a polite bow, "You're brother has proven to be a worthy mate, Kazekage-Sama." "You're pretty awesome yourself." Gaara wasn't given much to emotion, and romance was one of the least▴understood. He simply couldn't comprehend such things. "I am glad that you are so happy." Kankurou turned grave, "What about Temari?" "She's doing better, somewhat. Not well enough to be released, but not such a danger to others, either. And she seems to have 'gotten over' Shikamaru, as the doctor put it." Kankurou rubbed his shoulder, I should write more, I really should. Temari needs the encouragement... "I must go meet with the Godaime Hokage and aid in arrainging the events." "Of course, Gaara. I'll walk with you." Gaara smiled slightly, "I think I'd like that."

Kidoumaru looked at the sheet, _I'm fighting... Let's see... Masaki Goro._ Kidoumaru thought back through the contestants, _Masaki..._ He pulled out a deck of cards with numerous ninja profiled, along with their specialties, attacks and Chakra levels, Kidoumaru had seen that filth Kabuto with a similar deck at the previous exams, and decided to make his own, _Ah, yes, the Cloud-Nin. He creates fog and clouds to conceal himself and his attacks from the enemy, he fights with thrown weaponry, but in a pinch he can... Uh-oh. Use the moisture in the clouds he creates as a conduit for electrical attacks. The ground and air would be electrified, and I would be soaking wet in the middle of a conductor. Crispy Fried Kidoumaru. I'll just have to be more careful..._ He continued over the list, _Kai's fighting a Weapons Specialist, I hope he remembers how to deal with that type. Sousuke is fighting an earth user, hmmmm... Hiro is fighting a Beast-Nin, that's a challenge for anyone, Konohamaru..._ He went down the list checking names of friends and students, mentally comparing their abilities and the odds of victory, some didn't seem good. "Kidoumaru-Sempai." He turned to see Kai, "Hey, brat. You're fighting a Weapons Specialist," He pulled out the opponent's card, "This should help you get some of his plays down." "Thanks, Kidoumaru-Sempai. I'm sorry about my parents." "That's okay, they're just worried about you, you've been training hard, I'm confident that you can win this game." Kai smiled sadly, "I couldn't have gotten this far without you." He looked at the card, "Who are you fighting?" "Some Cloud-Nin, no big deal, and Sousuke's fighting an earth user from Kusagakure." "What about Maki?" "He's fighting a Genjutsu user from Suna. The one I'm a little worried about is Hiro's opponent, he's a Beast-Nin from Kirigakure. Hiro can take the guy, I'm sure, but those Kiri characters play for keeps." "Yeah, he'll win. Don't worry about it."

Kidoumaru looked around at the crowds, many were family and well-wishers, but many others were just here to see the inevitable bloodshed. _Trash, eager to watch others die, but not willing to risk their own worthless lives_, "Kidoumaru." "Sakura, babe. Come to see me off? It's gonna be a while now." "I'm here to see you win, and to treat the injured." Kidoumaru nodded, "I'm glad. That's one of the reasons I love you, you're not a killer like me. You help people." "You're not a killer, not like some of these guys, you only kill when you have to, when you have a good reason. Some of these guys kill because they like it." "We all have a different definition of what constitutes a 'good reason', and I doubt the dead guy agrees with my particular definition when I kill him." He put an arm around her, "But sometimes, it has to be done, that's my job. Ninja are killers, just like any other soldier. We tell ourselves that our cause makes it right, but it's usually that same cause that started it all. I'm glad I can protect people, but it has a high price, killing people who threaten those you care about, or those who are innocent or helpless, that's why a soldier should kill, not to entertain some bloodthirsty cowards who just want a gladiator show." He looked out at the crowd. "Yes, I wonder about that myself, why they think all of this is necessary to 'test' us, having a bunch of kids kill each other to win the prize is wrong." Kidoumaru nodded, "I couldn't have put it better myself. It hurts, I can see it in Iruka and all of the other Sensei, we train these kids to fight and kill and maybe die. If we didn't teach them to defend themselves they'd all be slaughtered, but we're training them to keep carrying on the same old sick game, fight, kill, die, fight, kill, die. It's heavy. All we, all I can do is make sure they know how to take care of themselves, and hope they live to grow up..." He turned his head slightly, "It'll be my turn soon. Time to earn my keep at some poor dope's expense, or maybe he'll earn his at mine. Who knows. I'll never know if I don't try, sick as it is, it's the only way to reach Chuunin, to become an instructor." Sakura's eyes fell, "I-I'll be sitting with your family, unless I'm needed. I'll be praying for you." Good, I'll need it, living like this... It's a trap, a great big trap. A big web of war and violence, and we're all flies."

To Be Continued . . .


	67. Chapter 67

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 67

The final exams started off with a bang, literally. Some fool had arraigned for a lightning wielder to fight a water-nin, the ensuing battle nearly fried them both. Than Maki took on the Genjutsu user. The young puppeteer was quickly disoriented by his opponent's illusions of horrific beasts, until he finally remembered to just close his eyes and feel with his Chakra, something Kidoumaru doubted he'd learned from the same fool who'd bungled his student's wilderness survival skills, and gave his opponent a rather quick and painful, but fortunately non-lethal, puppet show. After his victory he turned and saluted his idol, Kankurou, who nodded his approval. Next came an Oto-Nin who used a combination of wind and water techniques to deluge a clearly outmatched earth user, leaving the battlefield a muddy mess. Then the real circus began.

Hiro stood impassively in the middle of the field, looking his opponent over. The boy was wiry and deceptively strong, but Hiro, and his friends and family, were much more concerned with his companion. While the Inuzuka clan used dogs and the Aburame clan bugs, this boy's clan thought much bigger, he was standing side by side with a lion. Kidoumaru frowned, _Bread and circuses, it's the bad old days all over again. What's next, a little throat-cutting while we wait between matches?_ The boy, Anji, looked ever wilder than the Inuzukas, and he wasted no time, as soon as the match was called he and his companion used the All-Fours-Jutsu, making, in affect, two wild animals, rushing in on all fours toward Hiro, who simply stood his ground. The beasts pounced, and Hiro vanished beneath them. The crowd jumped to it's feet to see, but when the pair pulled back, Hiro was gone, vanished into the earth. The boy clearly had no idea of Hiro's abilities, and stared stupidly at the ground before wildly sniffing the air and looking about. By the time he realized the truth, large, thick vines burst from beneath them, it was only their animal agility that prevented their capture. Hiro appeared from the wall to the left of the pair, and the one to the right, until there were a fair dozen of them. Anji might not have understood Leech-All-Creation, but he understood Kage-Bunshin-No-Jutsu, and immediately honed in on Hiro's scent, leaping toward the real one, only to collide with the wall. Hiro appeared behind them, snaring the boy as the lion lept for his throat, only to find empty air. Hiro learned fast, he'd sent out vines with his scent along with his shadow clone, instantly both were captured by the strong vines. They struggled, snarled and clawed desperately at the vines, to no avail. For a moment Kidoumaru feared that Hiro might kill them, but as soon as he was declared victor the vines dropped away. Anji look at Hiro in confusion, "Why didn't you kill me? I would have killed you." Hiro just looked at him, "You're not an enemy, just competition. If I killed you, it would be murder." Kidoumaru smiled proudly, Didn't shed a drop of blood.

Next match was Kai and the Weapons Specialist, the Konoha Genin sent a quick burst of electricity through his opponent's metal weapons, leaving her unconscious. The crowd's mood turned when Kotaro faced off against one of Honshu's companions. Several fled the stadium in terror as he summoned a monstrous demon to fight his opponent, who also ran terrified from the stadium. The Flutist from Sunagakure rolled his eyes and played a few calming notes after dismissing the Doki, keeping everyone from a stampede. Kidoumaru wasn't surprised when Tayuya started laughing her tail off at the cowards who'd ran away...

Several more went by, including Konohamaru and Sousuke, both of whom rewarded Kidoumaru's faith with victory. Then, it was Kidoumaru's turn. He stepped into the arena, trying to ignore the crowd, distraction was the last thing he needed now. Masaki stood at ready, he knew Kidoumaru's history and reputation, and was taking no chances. As soon as the match started, the arena began to fill with fog, and Kidoumaru took the initiative, rushing into the fog and pummeling Masaki with lightning quick blows. Masaki immediately pulled his trump card, electrifying the fog around them.

Sakura screamed when she heard Kidoumaru's scream of pain, and moved to jump into the arena, but was held back. Shikamaru and his parents looked on in horror as the fog began to clear. A sudden breeze washed the fog away, and Sakura couldn't help but cheer. Kidoumaru, burnt but very much alive, was holding the unconscious Masaki up by the throat. He simply dropped him to the wet sand and turned, giving Sakura a 'Good Guy' pose, before falling to his knees. Sakura and the entire Nara clan rushed forward as Kidoumaru struggled to his feet, Shikato picked him up and carried him into the medical building. Kidoumaru turned a bit to see Masaki being carried in on a stretcher. "I guess I won, then?" "Yeah, you were the last one standing. Congratulations, you're a Chuunin." They laid him on a bed and Sakura the process of healing his injuries, Chakra flowing from her hands. "How do you feel?" "Like I said, babe, I always feel good when you touch me." He grinned, then lost consciousness.

It was a few days before Kidoumaru was able to leave the hospital, his burns healed quickly due to a combination of excellent care and his own massive Chakra. All of his students had survived and passed the exams, and he was beaming with pride. "Hey, Kidoumaru." He turned to Sakura, "Yeah?" "Since you're a Nara now, does that make your name 'Nara Naraku Kidoumaru?'"

Kabuto stepped outside of the Akatsuki headquarters to enjoy the sunlight. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, the birds were singing and a man on a giant clay bird was dropping something... Kabuto barely had time to blink before his ticket to hell was punched '_First Class_'. Pein stepped outside to investigate, "What the hell... Deidara!" He looked up to see the artist smirking down at him, "You shouldn't a' made me join, un! Nobody makes a slave of me, un!" A flock of elegant clay birds rushed down around Pein, "Katsu!" The resulting explosion not only killed Pein, but leveled half of Akatsuki headquarters. Deidara circled his work proudly, "Not bad, not my greatest work, but satisfying, un." As Deidara flew off towards Iwagakure, Zetsu emerged from the rubble and walked over to the remains of the arrogant Akatsuki leader and the vile traitor, "Hmmm... Crispy." "I always wondered how Pein would taste!"

To Be Continued . . .


	68. Chapter 68

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 68

Zaku lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, one burning question on his mind. he got up and walked down the hall to Eiji's room, knocked, and peeked in "Eiji?" Eiji was sitting cross-legged on his bed, reading, "Yes, what is it?" Zaku plopped onto the bed beside him, "I was thinking... Am I the Devil?" Eiji looked at the boy in shock, "What!? Of course you're not the Devil!" "I was just thinking, lots of people worshipped Jashin, I killed him, so does that make me the Devil to them?" Eiji considered for a moment, "The Invisible Blade could be described as a sort of Devil, to Jashinists anyway, but I guess it would be more appropriate to call him the Anti-Jashin." "You'd think an Anti-Jashin would be somebody peaceful, you know, not violent like Jashin." Eiji put his book down, "No one is violent like Jashin, he's the god of War, Death and Evil." Zaku grabbed Eiji's pillow and curled up around it, "Where did he come from? Jashin, I mean..." Eiji fell back onto the bed, "Well, the _Prophecies of Aku_ also have a story for his origins. According to legend he was born about three thousand years ago in Assyria to a priestess of Asshur, and allegedly his father was Asshur himself, a violent, evil god in his own right. He had a very... _Negative_ effect on that culture, which became probably the most violent and sadistic in history. He's bloodthirsty, literally, he hungers for blood and violence, he needs it. Anyway, after Assyria fell to the Babylonians, Jashin vanished. Apparently he was killed, but his evil survived in various incarnations through the centuries, influencing all sorts of wars, crusades and acts of genocide. Each Avatar was eventually destroyed by the forces of good, or at least, at times, lesser evil. This one we encountered was his fifteenth Avatar, The Many Hands of Death." "So, there have been other Invisible Blades?" "Different names, same purpose. Let's see, The Golden Bow, The Sword of Flames, my personal favorite, other than you, of course, was The Clawed One. He was a Beast-User. How did the book put it? 'And Jashin-Sama fell before a pack of vicious curs'..." Zaku laughed, For once, history that isn't boring! "So, he'll be back?" "Not likely, The Prophecies of Aku end with his fifteenth Avatar." Zaku scratched his head, "Who is this Aku guy?" "He was the Prophet of Jashin, he set down the words of Jashin to guide his followers to his twisted will, some say he was an Avatar of Jashin himself, the Seventh Avatar, The Scribe." "So, if he knew he was going to be killed like that, why did he come back?" "The outcome wasn't a foregone conclusion, remember..." "Oh, yeah. Why do people worship that thing, anyway?" "He offers them power, immortality and the opportunity to shed blood without worrying about things like guilt or punishment. That draws the evil like flies. Would you believe Orochimaru himself wanted Eiichiro to help him make a bargain for immortality with Jashin? Jashin didn't want his soul, apparently it was too tainted, even for Jashin's tastes. Then he offered everyone else's souls, but he has no authority to do that, so Eiichiro basically told him to get lost." "Everyone?" "Everyone in his employ, yes." Zaku sat up, and looked down at the pillow he was holding, "All of us, huh?" _Oh crap... Why'd I tell him that..._ "Well, it doesn't matter now, they both got what they deserved, didn't they?" "Yeah, I guess they did."

_This guy's good, and he never betrays his moves. Yep, Sai has the perfect Poker Face._ Kidoumaru looked up from the chess board at his opponent, "Have you ever played poker? You'd be great at it." Sai raised and eyebrow, "Poker. No, I don't believe I have, I never had time or reason for such frivolities in ROOT." "Frivolities? Games are an important part of life! Fun is an important part of life, we need fun, we need pleasure and joy." "I was taught to disregard such things. They are obstacles to rational thinking..." Kidoumaru looked at him with pity, _God, this kid doesn't even know what fun is! How could anyone do that to someone else!_ "Kidoumaru, You needn't pity me, though I have a strange urge to feel these emotions like everyone else, and to put, as they say, my heart and soul into my art, I am quite content. Because I have no emotions, I have no regret over lacking emotions." Kidoumaru shook his head, "Then why do you have this desire to feel emotions? Those... People robbed you of your natural birthright as a human being. We're not meant to be emotionless, and your brain knows that, even if your intellect is telling it something else." Sai frowned, then reached over and moved his Bishop, "An interesting argument, but sadly futile. The centers of my brain which control emotion are stunted from disuse, even if I did manage to break my training, I could only achieve limited emotional capability." They both turned toward the street at the sound of screaming, and Konohamaru ran by, the back of his pants in flames, an angry Sasuke hot on his heels, "It appears my hypothesis was correct, there is a direct relationship between practical jokes and physical injury..." Kidoumaru arched his left eyebrow, "Indeed."

Konohamaru jumped into a wading pool in a nearby yard, extinguishing his flaming bottom. "Hey, you could have really hurt me!" Sasuke smiled, "That was my intention, brat." Sasuke laughed, 'You're lucky there are witnesses around, or I would have done much worse! Now stay away from me!" Sasuke turned and started to stalk off, only to trip over his own shoelaces and fall face first into the dirt...

To Be Continued . . .


	69. Chapter 69

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 69

It was becoming something of a ritual, five former Oto-Nin gathering to eat and hang out. Kidoumaru, Dosu, Sakon, Ukon and Tayuya sat around a table at the Ichiraki Ramen Stand, Making pleasant conversation. "You #! filthy #! pig! Do you have to #! make that #! sound every time you eat!?" Ukon looked at Tayuya innocently, "What, you mean this?" He made a low, vacuuming sound as he slurped down his ramen, "Why, does it bother you?" "You're #! right it #! bothers me, you #! pig!" Jirobou, once again, made a terrible mistake, "Tayuya, everyone's staring..." "Yeah, they're #! staring at your big, fat #!, it #! takes up half the #! room!" She picked up her hot tea, ready to throw it in his face, then stopped. "Just... Just shut the #! up, or I'll #! hurt you..." "Whooo, Tayuya's goin' soft, Tayuya's goin' soft!" Sakon and Ukon jeered, right before she punched them both. Dosu leaned over to Kidoumaru, "Now, tell me again why we hang out with those three?" He whispered, so as not to draw Tayuya's attention/wrath. Kidoumaru shrugged, "Beats me. Though I still think Jirobou is a masochist..." Jirobou went back to the counter to order two more bowls of pork ramen and apologize for Tayuya's un-ladylike behavior. Fortunately for him, she didn't hear that, "So, that was some performance in the exams." "Thanks, Dosu. It wasn't easy." Ukon snarled at Tayuya before turning to Kidoumaru, "Of course it was hard, you #! refused to kill those trash, and you saved some #! idiot from a rival team who'd gotten himself poisoned. That's no way to win..." "Yeah," Sakon added, "You're getting soft, too." Kidoumaru sent the Twins a cold stare, "If you want to see how soft I am, I'll be happy to show you. I can still kick your worthless butt... Or butts, which ever it is." Jirobou looked up from his bowl, "So, Dosu, how's family life?" Dosu didn't really know how to answer, oh, his life was wonderful now, but he knew that the others, except Kidoumaru, were still basically on their own. "Uhm, it's great. I'm helping out at the flower shop, and..." Tayuya laughed, "Dosu the Fearsome #! Florist of Otogakure! Oh #!, if the #! others could #! see you now!" Kidoumaru shot up suddenly, "Oh man! That reminds me! Deidara took out Kabuto and Pein!" "Hot #!, now that's a reason to #! celebrate!" Jirobou was stunned, "Kabuto...Dead? I didn't think that freak could die..." "Well, he could, and he did. Deidara dropped a whole bunch of bombs on his head..." "Yep, that'd do it." Ukon agreed, "Pity we didn't see it. I wish I could of seen his rat-face."

"So, Tayuya, how far have you got with Shikamaru yet?" Sakon grinned, "A #! lady never tells." "Yeah, but you're no #! lady." Ukon ducked to avoid the bowl of ramen Tayuya threw at him. "Tayuya! That was my Ramen!" Jirobou could take any abuse from Tayuya on his person, he could even deal with being called fat, but no one touches Jirobou's food. Tayuya shrank back, "I... Errr... Here, have mine!" She shoved her untouched bowl of ramen at Jirobou, who smiled and grabbed the bowl, "Thanks Tayuya!" Tayuya turned to Kidoumaru, "Hey, Spider-#!, can we #! talk? Alone?"

Kidoumaru strolled over to a booth and sat down, followed closely by Tayuya, "What is it? Is something wrong?" Tayuya fidgeted for a moment, "I... What kind of girl do you think Shikamaru would want?" "He likes, and needs, a strong woman, someone to keep him from ending up sleeping in the gutter and spending all of his money on booze and gambling." "I'm #! serious!" "So am I. Shika, you know how he is, he's just like his father, he needs a strong woman to protect and take care of his lazy butt. Left on his own, he'd starve." Kidoumaru shook his head, "But you mean, what kind of woman he's attracted to, strong, bossy, attractive, well... you." Tayuya smiled a bit, "But, how about my looks? Has he said anything?" Kidoumaru leaned back thoughtfully, "He said you have nice hair and eyes, and that you should smile more. You know Shikamaru, if you ask him to describe Konoha to someone he'd just say, _'It's a village_.' He hardly ever goes into detail, but he has told me he loves you, and I can see you're make him happy. If you're worried about how you look, don't. He likes rough, strong women, not real 'feminine' chicks. So just be yourself, he likes you as you are." Tayuya smiled beautifully, then caught herself, "Thanks. But if you #! tell the others about this #! talk, I'll rip your balls off and feed 'em to the #! fish." Kidoumaru smiled, "Charming as always." She stood up to go, then turned, "Thanks, I really mean it... You're not so bad, for a #! boy..."

To Be Continued . . .


	70. Chapter 70

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 70

"Well, let's see, there's Gaara, the crazy, possessed, scary one, Temari, the crazy, abusive, scary one, and Kankurou, the sane, likeable one. Those are the three Suna Siblings." "Likeable?" "He killed us, remember?" Sakon and Ukon seemed displeased at Kidoumaru's view of their enemy. "What would you have done, in his situation?" They thought for a moment, and Ukon replied, "First, I'd have let us kill that Dog-Brat, then I'd have killed us and then made it look like I'd gotten there too late to help Dog-Boy." Kidoumaru shook his head, "You guys are all heart." "Well, as a great guy once said, 'I do have a pure heart, it's just pure evil.'" "You guys are hopeless. Next you'll be reading _The Great Big Book of Jashin_ and sacrificing people." "The library here doesn't have any Jashinist texts..." Kidoumaru's blood ran cold at that, _Just how attached were these guys to Eiichiro? Did he convert them before he died...?_ "Uhm, I have to go..." Kidoumaru walked briskly away from Twins, trying to think of how to deal with this weird situation.

Kidoumaru had walked several streets down when he saw a familiar figure in a black puppeteer's outfit. He was too small to be Kankurou, "Hey, Maki!" Maki turned, "Hey, Kidoumaru. I guess you're wondering why I'm still here, right?" Kidoumaru suddenly realized something, Pein had not just been the leader of Akatsuki, but also the ruler of Amegakure. With Pein dead, the country could be in the midst of a power struggle, maybe even a civil war... "I guess Pein's death changed a lot of folk's game plans." "The puppeteer sighed, "Yeah, word is, Konan-Sama, Pein's Right Hand, and General Takeshi, the head of the military are fighting over who take's Pein's place. So, things are pretty hairy there, jan." Kidoumaru's eyebrow jumped, _Jan? This kid really is obsessed with Kankurou, isn't he..._ "So, where are staying?" "The quarters for the guest ninja, the ones for the exams, jan." "Yeah, my friends are stuck here too, when Iwa fell, the new government didn't want them back. And now, with Deidara ruling, we don't know what to think." He looked at Maki's smaller Kankurou outfit, "You really admire Kankurou-San, eh?" "Yes, he's the greatest of the Ninja Puppeteers! There aren't many of us left, so I'm hoping we can inspire more! He's great, he's been teaching me some of his techniques!" _Man, He's like a decaffeinated Rock Lee! At least he dresses well. I wonder what Kankurou thinks..._ "Well, I have to go, Kankurou0Sensei's going to teach me about installing projectile weaponry in puppets!" Kidoumaru shook his head as the boy rushed off.

Kidoumaru was stopped again on his way home, this time by Iruka. "I've been looking for you. I heard what happened with Kai's parents. I'm sorry about that, we all stood up for you, but those insufferable fools... Err... Concerned parents, just wouldn't listen to reason. If not for you Kai might not be alive, much less a Chuunin." "You're the instructor, I'm just an assistant, I worked with them for four months, you practically raised the little brats..." There was the sound of a commotion and a sudden rush of people running away from something. "What's wrong?" "Lee's drunk, God Help Us!" Kidoumaru looked at the fleeing crowd in confusion, "I never took Lee for a drinker..." "He's not," Iruka said, "And that's the problem. Lee has no tolerance for alcohol, one sip, and he's drunk... And he's not a friendly drunk. I suggest we go now." The sound of roaring filled the air, as the Green Beast of Konoha rushed forward, carrying a door... "Wash' yoo lookin' at? Ya wanna' fightsh?" Iruka said a word that Kidoumaru never expected to hear from a teacher's mouth, then told him to run. Kidoumaru shrugged as Lee rushed toward him, then spit a web cocoon at the drunken ninja, pinning him down to the ground. Lee struggled and fought, but couldn't get free. Iruka looked on in awe, "Wow, impressive." "Lee, if you can't handle it, don't drink." The sound of loud laughter rung out from a nearby rooftop, and they turned to see Konohamaru and Suigetsu, "He didn't, I slipped it into his tea!" Konohamaru shouted as Suigetsu nearly fell off the roof in the throes of laughter. "Well, then, that's a whole different game, isn't it?" Kidoumaru grinned, picked up Lee, ripped the webbing off and quickly launched him onto the roof, "I hope you can play as well as you watch, for your sakes!" Kidoumaru winced as Lee pounced, "Ouch, that's got to hurt..." "You know Kidoumaru, that was a very reckless thing to do, but it's also very entertaining and well justified. Nice play."

To Be Continued . . .


	71. Chapter 71

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 71

Kiba was terrified, he'd never been so afraid, ever. He ran as fast as his wounded body could take him. He was even more afraid for Akamaru. He looked down through tear-clouded eyes at the wounded pup in his arms. _I can't, not like this, not now. God, what was I thinking? I' twelve! I'm not strong enough to take these guys on! I can't let them kill Akamaru because of me!_ Suddenly he screamed, dropping Akamaru and falling to his knees, a terrible pain shooting through his right shoulder. He turned in horror to see a long, scrawny neck sprouting from his body, attached to a leering, demonic face. "Hey kid, did you miss me?" Kiba woke up screaming. He sat shaking and sweat-covered in his bed as he heard his mother's hurried footsteps. He looked at Akamaru, _He understands what they are, he remembers Sakon and Ukon, even if the fools in this town have forgiven them..._ "Kiba, what's wrong?" His mother's tone was a worried one. Tsume Inuzuka didn't scare easily, and was known as the toughest mother in town, outside of Nara Yoshino, but like Yoshino, she'd walk through hell for her children. "It's... alright ma." Tsume frowned, "It was that dream again, wasn't it?" "Yeah, I guess... seeing those freaks again..." Tsume sat next to her son, _Ever since that terrible day, after what those monsters did to him, he's been terrified of it happening again... Those #! don't deserve to live, after what they did to him. I can understand following orders, but torturing a kid, a twelve-year-old kid, for pleasure... Thank God Kankurou came along when he did..._ She put a strong arm around him, and Akamaru lay his head in Kiba's lap, "You know, I would never let that happen again, ever. If those two freaks so much as look at you, I'll kill them myself, Hokage's orders or not." "I know ma'. It just, it's so... I can't describe how it felt having that demon inside of me, tearing me apart, and enjoying it... Laughing at me... And not being able to stop them, not being able to protect Akamaru..." "I... I can't imagine what it was like, pup, but I'm here for you, with anything you need..."

About thirty minutes later, Kiba had calmed enough to convince his mother to go back to bed, and Akamaru snuggled protectively against him. _I can't believe Tsunade-Sama would let them live, even Kidoumaru doesn't seem to trust them completely. Kidoumaru, I should probably hate him too, they were on the same team, after all, but I can't. He's nothing like the monster I thought he was. He's actually a good guy, other than being arrogant. The others, Dosu seems alright, Zaku's only threat now is being a little pervert, same for Kin, and Jirobou seems pretty nice. I can't stand Tayuya, but she's been good to Shikamaru. But Sakon and Ukon, they haven't changed at all, as far as I can tell. They're mean, violent, sadistic demons.. Tsunade-Sama should have killed them, or at least locked them up. They're too dangerous to run free._ He looked at Akamaru, who was looking into his eyes. "You don't like those freaks either, do you?" Akamaru gave an understanding bark, "Yeah. I know." He stroked Akamaru's snow white fur, "They nearly killed us, and now they get a free pass? How is that justice?" He sighed, and buried his head into Akamaru's fur.

Konohamaru was in pain, Lee had beaten the hell out of him, Suigetsu, who had the best luck of anyone Konohamaru had ever known, was totally uninjured, thanks to his watery composition, blows pass straight through his body without doing any harm. Lee had come by and apologized when he'd sobered up, even though, admittedly, the whole thing was the pranksters' faults. _Remind me never to get Lee drunk again... Who the hell am I talking to!? I'm getting as bad as Sakura! Maybe Sai is right, maybe practical jokes are dangerous to the prankster..._

Uchiha Obito's dreams were soft and gentle, a pretty girl with Inuzuka-like tattoos on her cheeks, Rin, Kakashi had said, Rin, the sight of her gave him a warm, peasant feeling inside his soul. Kakashi, much younger, much more stern and, in Obito's exert opinion, much more unhappy, he always did have a stick up his... Two hazy, faded figures appeared, cold and unsmiling, yet somehow radiating a feeling of warmth, his parents, Obito smiled in his sleep. Soon a man entered his dreams, a man who looked so much like Naruto he was obviously the boy's father. Namikaze Minato, Minato-Sensei, probably the only man who'd ever had faith in Obito's dreams, other than Obito himself. It was odd how memories so jumbled and confused were so relatively clear in his dreams. In the waking world, there was almost nothing, but in dreams he could see their faces, hear there voices, sometimes even feel their presence. Not all dreams were pleasant, however, often nightmares would come, horrible images of blood and fire and slaughter, Of Itachi's cold, unreadable face as he murdered his own kin, of Madara's mad-eyed, hateful face taunting him with his own weakness and inability to protect those he loved. The dreams of darkness and stones, of crushing weight and indescribable pain were far more endurable than the memories of Madara, at least the stones didn't taunt him, didn't force him to kill those he loved... But, for tonight, there were only pleasant dreams of a orange-clad, happy boy, his best friend, and the girl he loved...

Kidoumaru lay fast asleep, he'd spent the day posing for Sai, the pose had been rather ridiculous, requiring all of his arms to be in an elaborate posture reminiscent of those statues he'd seen of many-armed Vishnu or Kali. Sai had been real keen about understanding how the musculature of his upper body functioned, he'd wanted to paint the details of... More... But Kidoumaru wouldn't take off more than his shirt for just anyone, even if Sai didn't have emotions or desires. Modesty was something else Sai seemed not to understand, but the artist had caved, choking it up to a self-preservation mechanism or maybe even a phobia developed from living with a pervert like Orochimaru. Who knew, maybe he was right... Mr. Bearington Jacques Bearry was clutched in his third left arm, and sweet dreams of games filled Kidoumaru's head, dancing chess pieces and flying shogi boards populated a world of gaming bliss...

In the next room, Shikamaru was floating amongst the clouds, he was a cloud, soaring over the world, gliding lazily across the sky, free of all earthly pains or concerns. He could not imagine heaven as being any better than this...

To Be Continued . . .


	72. Chapter 72

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 72

Jirobou leaned over the chocolate river, his face in the chocolate, happily drinking up the sweet, sugary substance. The man with the funny hat rushed over, whining something about getting his chocolate dirty. Jirobou turned, smiled, and ate the man whole, he had a nice, nutty taste... He went back to drinking his chocolate as little orange men started to sing...

Chouji was in a magical world, everything was edible! Spearmint grass beneath his feet, chocolate bunnies hopping about, caramel birds in the blueberry sky... He looked over to see Shikamaru sleeping under a candy apple tree._ Is this heaven?_ He looked past a rock candy boulder, _I'll have to taste that later!_, and saw Jirobou leaning over a river of chocolate, drinking it in. He was going to try to join him when a swarm of potato chip butterflies caught his eye. It was a bad day to be a potato chip butterfly, a bad day indeed...

Kankurou was surrounded by his army of puppets, Sasori himself had not had a larger collection. He watched as Shukaku approached, and he smiled, unleashing his puppet armies on the demon. Shukaku swiped with his mighty paws and roared horribly, but the puppets overwhelmed him, and the One-Tailed Tanuki fell beneath Kankurou's invincible puppet army. Thousands of adoring fans rushed forward, and Kankurou smiled at them as Hana stepped forward and they embraced. "Kankurou, you're such a hero! Fearless, strong and sexy." Gaara and Temari looked jealously at the Kankurou fan club, "I wish I was cool just like Kankurou!" Gaara whined.

Hana lay awake, watching her sleeping husband. _He looks so innocent when he sleeps. So adorable...He's smiling... I wonder what he dreams about?_ Shiromaru rolled his eyes, he knew what Hana was thinking, "He dreams of _puppets_ of course..."

Of course, across town, Maki was having the same dream as Kankurou, except he was one of the puppets...

To Be Continued . . .


	73. Chapter 73

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 73

"When did it happen, Ukon? When did we become monsters?" Ukon looked at his brother sadly, "We were #! born monsters. Life screwed us over, Orochimaru just helped it along. Nobody else matters, little brother, because nobody else cares. They call us monsters, and they hate us for it, but they would still hate us if we were sweet little angels, so why try? Why play nice to the trash? Look at Kidoumaru, he's spent months of blood and sweat and tears teaching their brats how to survive, and they still hate him, or that retard Naruto, he's spent his whole life trying to please the 'normal' people, and they would happily dance on his grave. We're monsters, but they're worse. They don't deserve to live, so why waste time trying to follow their hypocritical ideas of morality? They don't. As Kidoumaru might say, This may be their game, but we don't have to play by their rules." Sakon closed his eyes and sighed, "I know, but they did save us, they didn't have to..." "They didn't want too, Eiji and Kidoumaru talked them into helping us. The rest would gladly see us dead. We don't owe them a #! thing."

Dosu got out of bed and turned on the lights, then walked over to the mirror. He did this often, reassuring himself that his face was whole and unmarred. Dosu had spent his entire life as the 'Mummy-Boy', never letting anyone see his scarred and tortured face, but now, now he looked like any other fourteen year-old boy, though much paler than most. Still, it was a constant memory, especially when he saw Obito and his friend Raidou, both horribly scarred men reminded him of himself, especially one-eyed Obito. He understood the situation better than most seemed to, he knew that his body, his original, scarred, body lay in the cold ground of the cometary at the edge of town, alongside Kin and Zaku. He still had no idea how they'd brought him to this new body, or where he was before he came back. _Why? They didn't have to give me these looks? They could have made me as deformed as I was before, but they didn't, thank God._ He didn't particularly like the Akatsuki, he was certain, as Kidoumaru most likely believed as well, that they had been brought back as a test of the machinery, not for personal merit or as some merciful gesture, but still, he was saddened that those who brought him back had themselves been killed, even if they were evil. They hadn't come back unscathed, however, they were all changed in one way or another. Zaku was, of course, the most obviously affected, his mind was all but broken by his master's betrayal. Such cruelty could break the strongest of minds. Kidoumaru had briefly gone insane when he was awakened, and his personality was different, kinder. Even Tayuya was acting strange, romantic and soft... Still, Dosu had to admit it was much nicer this way.

Yagame Hiro was a handsome boy, tall and wiry with reddish-brown hair and deep purple eyes. This hadn't gone unnoticed, and he had several admirers, that he knew of, but he was focused on his duties as a ninja rather than romantic pursuits. Still, he was not blind to such ideas, even though he was too busy to consider them. Things had changed in Konoha of late, the entire class had passed the Chuunin exams, that hadn't happened in several decades. Two foreign instructors, one from an enemy nation, had been teaching at the Academy, and teaching well. Several dead individuals, including a member of the Uchiha clan, had come back alive and in good health. The Akatsuki had been destroyed, and three nations, Otogakure, Iwagakure and Amegakure had fallen. _These are strange days..._

Konan looked out over the village of Amegakure, several buildings were still burning, despite the pouring rain, and she could hear the sounds of battle. The war was all but over, Takeshi was already dead, his body hanging in the town square, his forces routed, and Amegakure would soon be firmly in her grasp._ Pein... Did you ever expect you would die? Or even that you could die? When I was a child, death was a constant presence, and we were always afraid, until Jiraiya came... And still, Nagato and Yahiko are gone... But you, I never saw fear in you, only confidence, we survived so much together, and now... I'm the only one left, again. But Amegakure will have peace, that will be our legacy..._

To Be Continued . . .


	74. Chapter 74

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 74

Sai was confused. _This makes absolutely no sense, it's physically impossible._ Sai was standing on the ceiling, looking down/up at the sky. _But does not that make this the floor? Why am I looking at the sky from my home's ceiling?_ Sakura flew past upside down on a broomstick, and Suigetsu swam by. A cloud with Shikamaru's face drifted into view and vanished, a swarm of winged paintbrushes began to paint everything golden._ No, it's the sun, it's daybreak? No, it's not the sun, it's Naruto... Or his head, anyway..._ Gai rushed by, followed by Rock Lee, and they sped off into the sky. Naruto's head grinned at Sai and vanished, and a maze appeared. Sai drifted through the maze, occasionally hitting dead ends and zipping backwards. Sai passed by a large serpent, _Interesting, that serpent has Sasuke's face..._ Sai settled into a small room, _This must be the center of the maze_, and Sai watched as Sai walked into the room, smiling. "How is this possible?" Sai looked at Sai in amusement, "You have a lot of imagination for someone with no emotions." "Thank you." Sai told himself politely, "That was a compliment, was it not?" Sai's eyes flickered open, the sun was flickering in through his window. He stood up, and was unsurprised that his feet were on the floor, not the ceiling. He walked to the window to see that the sun was, indeed, the sun. "It was a dream then." Sai stated plainly, and went to get ready for the day's tasks...

With school out for the season, Kidoumaru had little to do, other than play his games and wander around town. The days were getting warmer, he'd missed many summers, and many winters as well. Flowers were blooming everywhere, the scent of them filled the air. He looked over at Inuzuka Kiba, who was sitting with Akamaru under the shade of a large tree. "Hey, Kiba, hows it going?" "Alright." Kiba looked tired, Kidoumaru walked over and scratched Akamaru behind the ears. "Are they always so cruel?" Kidoumaru looked at Kiba in confusion, "Who?" "Sakon and Ukon." Kidoumaru hesitated a moment, then reached out and scratched behind Kiba's ears. "Stop that!" Kidoumaru sighed and sat down, "Well... uh... _Yeah_." He said simply, "They've always been vicious, but we all were. That's how we were trained to be." Kiba glared at him, "That's no excuse!" Kidoumaru scratched his head, "No, I guess it's not. What the hell did they do to you?"

Kiba scrunched his nose a bit, _That's right, he was dead when I fought those two... _"That freak crawled inside of my body, that's what! They had us beaten, but that wasn't enough, they wanted to have fun! If they had just... Just wanted to kill me, I might be able to forgive them, but they went out of their way to draw it out, to make Akamaru and me suffer..." He shuddered slightly. "They tortured you?" Kiba ground his teeth, "Yes. They tortured us. They laughed as they did it..." "I..." He shook his head, What could I say to that? "Of all of the Five, they've probably been through the most... Suffering. They take it out on everyone they can... I heard them talking once, they feel like the whole world screwed them and now they want to punish everyone for it." "That's no excuse either! I don't care what happened to them! I don't care if Orochimaru dragged 'em off to his room and..." "He did." Kidoumaru replied without thinking. Kiba's mouth dropped, he was stunned silent for a moment, and Akamaru whimpered, "You mean, he actually..." "Yeah." Kidoumaru spat angrily on the ground, "And if they'd heard you say that, they'd make you suffer far more than whatever they did before." Kidoumaru's tone was dangerous, "Think what you want of those two, I don't blame you. Hate them, if you want, you have the right and good reason, but never,_ ever_ bring_ that_ up." Kiba shook violently, "I always thought it was just a rumor everyone spread because Sasuke was so frickin' pretty and Orochimaru was so determined to get his hands on him." Kidoumaru looked up into the branches of the tree, they were filled with new leaves, "Sometimes I agree with Tayuya, we live in a evil world filled with evil people. We all survive best we can. Guys like the twins and me, we were born 'freaks' and 'monsters.' The deck was stacked against us all the day we were born."

Jirobou was hungry. His chocolate coated dream had left him famished, and his pillow half-eaten... He walked into the Barbeque Rack, and noticed the waiters looking around behind him anxiously, "She's not here, it's just me." One waiter gave a visible sigh of relief, while another gave a third a high-five. Big mouths are generally wanted in restaurants, as long as they have manners and appetites, and Tayuya wasn't known for having either. Jirobou smiled and walked over to Chouji, who was already eating a huge lunch that made Jirobou's mouth water, "Can I sit here?" "Sure, go ahead." Chouji wasn't very clear, as he had a rack of ribs in his mouth, but Jirobou was a master of full-mouth speech, and sat down, motioning a waiter over to place his order. After ordering his first course, Jirobou started on the complimentary bread sticks. "No offense", Chouji mouthed, "But how do you pay for all of this food?" "Well, it's hard, but we got some help from the Hokage, it was enough for the others, but guy's like us would starve on what Sakon, Ukon and Tayuya eat combined. So I got a job." "A job?" Jirobou watched hungrily as his plates were set in front of him, "I'm helping carry heavy furniture and stuff those ordinary, scrawny guys cant." He tore into his food like a rabid wolf. "That's good. Man, you are hungry today. When I got here I was starving, I had this weird dream I was in that Chocolate Factory movie..." Jirobou stopped eating and looked up in shock, "I dreamed about that too! I was that chubby kid that tried to drink up the chocolate river!" "Woah!" Chouji shivered, "I saw you in my dream, you were drinking from the chocolate river!" Jirobou's eyes widened, "Were you... Eating potato chip butterflies? And Shikamaru was under that delicious looking candy apple tree.." "Yeah! And the rock candy boulder, the caramel birds, and the Oompa-Loompas!" It was uncanny, not only had they both had the same dream, they shared the one dream between both of them... Jirobou shrugged, 'That's cool." And went back to eating.

Tayuya was fighting hard not to kill the two princesses. Ino was combing the flutist's hair while Sakura was demonstrating different shades of lipstick. It was maddening, "...And this is _Crimson Dream_, this one here... Is _Brilliant Rose_, this one is Kidoumaru's favorite, _Wild Cherry_, it's flavored and he loves it when I wear this and kiss him! And here's _Scarlet Sunset_..." "They're all #! _RED_! why the #! do you need five-hundred #! shades of #! red?" Ino giggled, "You've been hanging around boys way too long! We need all those shades of red to match our outfits! And shoes! God, yes, shoes!" Tayuya tried to fight the urge to punch the girl, she was helping her look nicer for Shikamaru, after all. "I only have two #! outfits and one pair of shoes." Ino and Sakura gasped in unison, a girl with only one pair of shoes and two outfits! Including her battle clothes! It's horrible. It's unthinkable! It's wrong! "You poor thing! We need to do some emergency shopping, _stat_!" Sakura grabbed Tayuya by the wrist and three kunoichi rushed off toward the nearest mall...

Sakon and Ukon stared at the strange boy, with his odd smile, ultra-pale skin and half-shirt. "What the #! did you just say?" "First, I inquired if you were the Oto-nin known as Sakon and Ukon. Then I introduced myself, _Sai_. Then I asked if you would model for my work, and stated that I find your duo-cephalic anatomy intriguing." "Is this guy hitting on us, Ukon?" "I don't know, it's like he's speaking Klingon or something..." Sai blinked in curiosity, "I am unfamiliar with this 'Klingon' language, and what do you mean by '_hitting on_'? Oh, you mean making some sort of sexual advances. No, no I am not. I am an artist and I wish to portray you. I have already painted Kidoumaru" "Well, get bent, Art-Boy!" Sai cocked his head, "Bent?" "He's a retard or something." "I suppose that is accurate, in a way. I am emotionally retarded, I cannot feel emotions like most people." Sakon and Ukon looked at each other, "And I thought we were messed up..." "Okay, Sai. We have nothing better to do." Sai gave his false smile and nodded, "Thank you."

To Be Continued . . .


	75. Chapter 75

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 75

"No #! way am I #! wearing this #! pink #!" Tayuya shuddered and held out the offensive garment, bright pink pants, "It looks like some #! puked #! Pepto-Bismol on it!" Sakura shook her head,_ Maybe I should take her to the boy's section... _"Well, Tayuya, what colors do you like?" "Red, gray, black and brown." Ino, standing behind Tayuya, rolled her eyes. "If you like black, then you might like dark blue as well. Let's just look and you can pick something... Do you need any money?" Tayuya grinned, "Nope, I'll just tell them to charge it to Shikamaru..."

Kankurou made his way through the crowded streets toward his office, with all of the political upheavals of late, it was important to see where Suna stood with the new governments. 'Hey, Kankurou-Sama, jan!" Kankurou turned, "Oh, hi Maki..." "I figured you'd want to know, we just got news from Amegakure, Konan-Sama defeated Takeshi, jan. She's now the Mizukage." Kankurou listened intently, This is important news, maybe now we can get ambassadors to Amegakure and figure out some kind of new treaty. "Thanks, kid." Maki grinned proudly, "Thank you, Kankurou-sama!" He frowned slightly, "But now... I have to go home in a day or two, jan. Thank you for the training. It was an honor." "My pleasure, Not many people appreciate the art of Ninja Puppetry anymore, jan. It's good to see another dedicated puppeteer. make me proud, jan." "I will!" Kankurou suddenly realized something, _Maki is from Amegakure!_ "Hey, kid, could you do me a favor?" "Anything, Kankurou-Sama!" Maki shouted eagerly. "Could you come to my office with me? I have a message I need taken to the new rulers of Amegakure. It's very important, jan." "I'd be honored to help you!"

Tsunade had no idea how to deal with this new situation, both Iwagakure and Amegakure were now under the control of former Akatsuki members, and what's more, Ame had been under Akatsuki control for years. "Tatami, we need to send an ambassadorial party to Amegakure..." _Hell no! I hate that water-logged snake pit!_ "Uh... Yes, Tsunade-Sama?" "I want you to fetch Nara Shikamaru for me."

Maki rushed over to Kidoumaru, who was walking down the road with that Inuzuka boy. "Hey, Kidoumaru!" "Hi Maki." "I just wanted to tell you, I'm going home, the wars over, jan!" _Jan?_ Kiba scratched his head, "That's great, just remember, be prepared for anything." "Yes sir. I just wanted to thank you again for saving my life, jan." "Ah, I was just being my usual, heroic self, no need to thank me." Kiba rolled his eyes. "I'm glad I was able to help. Oh, and make sure to study up on any place you're being sent, well beforehand, all the possible dangers. And tell your sensei Kidoumaru said he was a reckless fool for sending his pupils out unprepared..."

Shikamaru stepped into the Hokage's office, he was a bit apprehensive, he hated field missions, and it seemed most likely that was why the Troublesome Old Woman wanted to see him. "You asked to see me, Hokage-Sama?" "Yes, I'm sending an ambassadorial team to visit Konan-Sama, the current Mizukage, and I want you to represent Konoha in diplomatic negotiations" Shikamaru barely avoided fainting, "M-me? But I..." "You will take your lazy #! to Amegakure and conduct negotiations as an official envoy of Konohagakure. You're a genius, in both tactical and civilian affairs, you're the best man I have for the job, despite being a lazy sack of bones." _Oh no... This is bad, this is very bad, I'll have to leave my home, my family, Tayuya... _"I'm already assembling a team, you will leave in the morning." Shikamaru felt faint,_ I can't leave... #! this 'genius', I wish I was stupid_! "Shikamaru?" She sighed, "I'm sorry, I really am. Don't worry, it's not a permanent position, maybe six months to a year." Shikamaru nodded quietly and stepped into the hallway. He walked downstairs, left the building, and took off running. He was running blindly, tears clouding his eyes. After several minutes he stopped, he was at his hill, the same hill where he always lay with Chouji, watching the clouds, the same hill where he'd gone when Asuma had died. He fell to his hands and knees and started to sob...

To Be Continued . . .


	76. Chapter 76

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 76

The mood in the Nara house was somber, but they knew and understood that a ninja's life is bound to the service of his village above all else. Shikamaru had been on missions before, dangerous missions, including the ill-fated attempt to 'rescue' Sasuke, but none of his missions had involved being gone for long periods of time, and it was a very distressing concept, especially to Shikamaru and Yoshino. "Tell us, Kidoumaru, do you know anything about this Konan woman?" Kidoumaru rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "We didn't see her much, but she was Pein's right hand, I guess that made the third boss of Akatsuki. She's beautiful, incredibly beautiful... Tobi-Sempai told me that her Kekkai Genkai gives her the ability to transform her body into lots of origami butterflies or something, and that she was once a student of Jiraiya." "Jiraiya?!" "Yeah," he leaned back in his chair, "She and a couple of other kids from Ame were orphans taken in by Jiraiya, but they were impatient and ran away to try to help their people directly, something terrible happened, and the other two were killed... And somehow she ended up with Pein, and became his co-ruler in Amegakure. That's all I know, and some of it might be wrong. Oh, I almost forgot, she can form wings from her back, like an angel. The people in Ame called Pein 'god' and Konan, 'god's right hand.'"

"Pein and Kabuto! That is impressive." Eiichiro leaned back against a boulder, "I'll have to look them up." The Oni he was speaking with smiled, revealing hideous teeth, "Yeah, they'll be having lots of fun here," He turned to several other demons loitering nearby, "Aren't you supposed to be boiling that fat pig Gato?" "It's lunch time, sir." "Kids these days, soft and lazy... Anyways, as I was saying, the boss has big plans for both of them, not as much as Orochimaru or Madara, but plans none the less." Eiichiro nodded. He was getting used to life in hell, even the constant screaming was no longer a distraction. "It sounds interesting." The Demon looked at his watch, "Sorry, gotta' go. I have an appointment with the Yondaime Kazekage, today we're tearing the flesh from his bones... He has such a funny scream..." The Oni walked off, giving a sharp kick to the lazy Demon, "Get back to work, Orochimaru isn't going to skin himself! This is hell, not a daycare center!"

"A-a mission? How long?" Shikamaru's eyes were full of pain, "Six months to a year, Tsunade-Sama said, but..." Tayuya felt sick to her stomach, He can't go! He cant! "I... " her eyes filled with tears, and he began to cry as well. A fierce determination began to grow in Tayuya, she couldn't bear such a loss, "I'm coming with you." Shikamaru was stunned, "You... You would do that, just to be with me?" "I'd go to hell just to be with you. Besides, I can only bear so much #! peace and quiet..."

Sai looked over his painting of Sakon and Ukon, they'd been difficult subjects, but not impossible. Their Kekkai Genkai fascinated him to no end, especially what he had learned from Kiba about how Ukon literally entered the Inuzuka's body as a parasitic organism. Still, one burning question tormented Sai's logical mind, _How can Sakon and Ukon divide, and both be clothed? Is Ukon wearing clothing within Sakon's body?_

"Mizuki, it was horrible without you, Eiji cooked every meal! It was a nightmare!" The blue-haired man smiled at Zaku, "Good to see you too, Zaku. I have news for you guys. Kidoumaru entered the Chuunin exams and passed. He an official Chuunin now." Tomoe poked her head into the room, "That is good news, we'll have to send him a congratulations present." Eiji wasn't surprised, with Kidoumaru's skills and talent, he probably had no trouble passing. "And there's more news, it may just be a coincidence, but the entire Genin class graduated, this a few months after Kidoumaru became an Assistant Instructor. Do you know how rare that is?" "Having seen those weak little Konoha brats, I'd say it's a miracle. Half of them probably didn't know how to hold a kunai!" Zaku was exaggerating, of course, but the point was valid. For a full class to graduate together, and from a weak village like Konoha, was almost unheard of.

Sakura knocked on the door of the Nara house, and smiled as Kidoumaru opened it, "Sakura?" "I heard about Shikamaru... Is there anything I can do?" Kidoumaru smiled sadly, "Just being here, caring, that's enough." "It's not fair. After all he's been through, he finally finds someone, and he gets pulled away!" "I know, but that's the life of a ninja, that's the life of anyone. We all know loss at some point, at least it's only temporary." "How's Shika holding up?" Kidoumaru rubbed at his eyes, "He's... He's taking it pretty hard, but mom, she's really taking it badly. He may be almost eighteen now, but she still sees her little boy... He's never been away from home for such a long time." Sakura looked at him in concern, "And you? How are you dealing with it?" Kidoumaru sank down onto the couch, "It sucks. I'm worried about the guy, worried about mom..." Sakura put her head on his shoulder, "Shikamaru may seem helpless, but he's a highly trained Jonin. He has the skills and the brains to take care of himself. And Nara Yoshino is the strongest woman in town, even more than Tsume. She'll be alright."

To Be Continued . . .


	77. Chapter 77

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 77

Jirobou nearly dropped his ramen, nearly... "You're going to Amegakure!?" "Well, the #! fat-#! can hear. Yeah, I'm #! going to #! Ame!" Sakon and Ukon looked at each other in shock, "Man, Tayuya, you must really like that little #!" "That's none of your #! business, freaks." Kidoumaru spoke up, "Well, I'm glad, Shikamaru needs someone to help him, and besides, this way we won't have to listen to her mouth!" Everyone slid back several feet to avoid getting caught in the crossfire when Tayuya attacked the Spider-Nin, but she just shrugged, "Bite me, Spider-#!" "I think it's nice that you care enough about this guy to go with him into another country." Tayuya glared half-heartedly at Jirobou, "Nah, I just want to get the #! out of this #! hole." "_Suuuuuuuure!_" Sakon and Ukon smirked simultaneously. "So, when do you have to go?" Dosu asked. "In a few hours, we're leaving with the group from Amegakure who came for the exam." Everyone was stunned, both by Tayuya's imminent departure and the fact she spoke an entire sentence without cursing once...

Everyone had gathered to bid farewell to Shikamaru and his attache, and several to bid 'good riddance' to Tayuya. Six Konoha ninja serving as guards had been appointed for Shikamaru's protection, though most agreed Tayuya could defend him as well as at least three Chuunin. "Bye, Tayuya!" Jirobou waved, "Remember to watch your language!" He ducked back into the crowd for safety as she glared at him. The team from Amegakure was ready to leave, they had, after all been stuck in Konoha since the civil war.

Kankurou walked over to Maki and handed him a scroll, "This has a few good techniques I didn't have time to teach you, jan." "Thank you, Kankurou-Sama!" "And, there's this..." Kankurou smiled and removed his hat, then took Maki's and set his own on the boy's head, "Here, wear it well."

Kidoumaru noticed someone he'd been waiting to talk to, and walked over to the tall ninja,"Are you Maki's Sensei?" The man glared at him, "You must be Kidoumaru, Maki delivered your message. You have no right to criticize my teaching methods." Kidoumaru returned the glare, "And you have no right training ninja if you can't even teach them _basic_ survival skills. They had no idea of the dangers in the Forest of Death! They didn't even have a medical kit for God's sake!" "My student's inadequacies are none of your concern." Kidoumaru's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Only a poor teacher blames his students." The battle of words was about to degenerate into blows when Shikamaru stepped between them, "Let it go. Both of you." Kidoumaru drew back a bit and snarled, but walked away, "Be careful, all of you." Yoshino and Shikato hugged their son and the woman fussed over him, "Did you remember to pack clean clothes?" "Yes, mom." "And your scrolls?" "Yes, mom." "Be sure to..." Tayuya stepped in, "Don't worry, I'll keep his lazy #! in line. He'll be fine." Shikamaru blushed at being portrayed as a helpless weakling, but he could be a bit... Lax in taking care of himself. "I'll miss you, Shika." Kidoumaru shook his hand, "And what about me, am I #! chopped liver?" "I'll miss you too, Tayuya. But I won't miss your mouth!" Kidoumaru doubled over as Tayuya hit him in the stomach, "OW! That really hurt!" "Sissy!" Tayuya snorted, "Can't even take a #! punch!" Eventually they could no longer put off the inevitable, and they exchanged goodbyes once more, before leaving.

Kankurou always felt guilty going to the hot springs, after all, he was from Sunagakure, where such use of precious water was a luxury. He removed his towel and prepared for a long, relaxing soak, "I was right, you are well-endowed, Kankurou-San." Kankurou blushed and his left eye began to twitch, "Sai..." Sai smiled as Kankurou slid into the soothing waters, _How could I not have seen him before?_ He felt his fists starting to clench, but considered Sai's emotional limitations and tried to relax, _It was a compliment, I think..._ "Errrr, Thanks." Sai nodded politely, "How is your work?" Kankurou closed his eyes and leaned back against a large rock, "Boring, half the time I don't even have to come in. But it's worth it, jan." Sai looked past him, Kankurou turned to see Suigetsu walk over to the spring and unceremoniously jump in, splashing them all with water. "Hey, who are you?" Kankurou moaned slightly, "I'm Kankurou, we've met, remember, jan?" Suigetsu squinted and stared for a moment, "Man, you sure look different without that outfit." Great, there goes my relaxation, I'm bathing with a lunatic and an emotionless robot... "How's the wife?" Suigetsu asked. "Wonderful." Sai looked at him innocently, "Are you whipped yet?"

Konan walked down the stairs of the palace she and Pein had once shared, past the numerous armed guards, and into the laboratory. Misumi Tsurugi looked up from his work, stood and bowed. "Konan-Sama." Konan walked over to the tubes and looked into them, "How long?" "Any day now." Konan stared at the occupant of the first tube, naked, ghostly white, deceptively frail looking, and strangely beautiful, he slept with that eternal look of stoicism on his face. My, you are attractive, aren't you, Uchiha Itachi. Itachi's eyes fluttered open and regarded Konan and his own surroundings with curiosity, then turned to look towards the tube beside him, and the blue-skinned figure within. The tube began to open, and he stepped out weakly,"Welcome back." Konan stated simply, "You brought me back then." Itachi's voice was cold and measured, "My eyes, I can see again..." He walked over to Kisame, unconcerned with the others in the room or his own nudity, "I see Kisame has returned as well." "Can you activate your Sharingan, Itachi?" Misume asked, it had been a concern, Misume had been a major part in the previous operation, but most of the knowledge had come from Eiichiro and Pein. Itachi closed his eyes, and opened them again to reveal the brilliant red of the Sharingan eyes of the Uchiha clan.

To Be Continued . . .


	78. Chapter 78

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 78

It happened without warning. Tayuya awoke to a terrible pain on the side of her neck, and reached over to feel how badly she was wounded, "Shikamaru!" Shikamaru shot up and stumbled over, waking most of the camp, "What's wrong?" "I think I've been hit!" As the ninja readied for attack, Shikamaru looked at Tayuya's wound, "Dear God..." There was no wound, only the infamous Cursed Seal...

Kidoumaru pulled himself into the bathroom and steadied himself against the wall. "What the hell!" The burning pain on his neck felt terribly familiar, but it was impossible, wasn't it? He turned toward the mirror and watched as the Cursed Seal bloomed back into existence on his dark skin. "Kidoumaru!" Shikato and Yoshino rushed in, "Are you alright?" Shikato began, "I felt a huge surge of Chakra coming from..." Kidoumaru was standing wide-eyed, staring into the mirror, he didn't seem to hear them, "My God, is that... Is that the Cursed Seal?"

Sakon and Ukon thrashed about in their bed, unsure of what the hell was happening to them. Once the pain had passed, they lay panting for a moment, then stood and struggled into the bathroom, "Sakon! Your neck!" Sakon turned to see his brother's shocked face, and a Cursed Seal on his neck.

Jirobou sat up in bed, rubbing his aching shoulder, _I don't believe it... How, Orochimaru is dead, our original bodies are dead... How can the Seals be back?_

The three Oto-Nins made their way to the Nara home, as Kidoumaru was the genius, he would be the most likely to know what was happening. Everyone sat around the living room as Shikato examined their Cursed Seals, but this was beyond his field of medical knowledge. "All of you having this happening at once... No doubt Tayuya has also gotten her Seal back... I don't understand." Kidoumaru rubbed his sore neck absently, "I think I know." "Well tell us, you #! brainiac!" Ukon shouted, "We were brought back without our Cursed Seals so that the Akatsuki could be sure that if we rebelled, they could stop us. They must have built in some sort of code, that after a period of time the Seals would automatically come back, once we'd proven our loyalty." "And what if we rebelled, Smarty-Pants?" "Then they would have killed us before our 'time out' ended." Jirobou snapped his fingers, "That way, they could have warriors with Cursed Seal strength, after they were sure they could trust us!" Shikato nodded, "That makes sense, that makes a lot of sense..." "Yeah, but how will this effect us now," Sakon said, "The people here fear us without the Cursed Seals, but with them, they might lynch us!" "Hah, we could kill every fool in this village if they came after us, little brother!"

Several members of the party, both from Amegakure and Konoha alike, were holding a distance between themselves and Tayuya, who was torn between joy at having her power back and being pissed off at the cowards whispering about her from a distance, "You stupid #! cowards, I'm still the same #! person!" Several drew back further at the outburst. "Tayuya, does it still hurt?" "No. It's stopped now." Shikamaru sighed with relief, "That's good." Tayuya looked at the distrustful ninja around her. _If they think this is scary.._. Dark symbols began to spread across her skin, covering her from head to toe, "Tayuya, don't!" Her skin turned reddish brown as the marks faded, her features changed, her nails became claws and five thick, curving horns grew from her head. At least one man screamed at the sight. "Does anyone else feel like #! whispering about me?" No one spoke, "I thought not."

Shikato and Yoshino watched in horrid fascination as their adopted son began to change. His skin darkened to a reddish hue, horns grew from his skull and blades from his arms, his hair expanded into a huge mass of snowy white, his features sunk and twisted, his teeth became fangs and his eyes turned gleaming yellow. He looked at his hands and felt his face, "We can transform now." Kidoumaru was quite literally stating the obvious. He returned to his base form and looked at the others, Jirobou was still stunned, but Kidoumaru didn't like the look he saw in Sakon and Ukon's eyes, "If you two try anything, I'll kill you myself..." "Like you could!" Both boys stuck out their tongues at Kidoumaru as he turned to look at his parents. "Are you guys alright?" Yoshino held her hand to her temples, "Y-yes. We just need a little time, this is all so..." "Sudden? Believe me, we weren't expecting this either. I'm sorry if I scared you." "You think that can scare me?" Yoshino laughed, She pointed to Shikato, "You should see this lazy drunk after a three-day bender!"

The sound of urgent knocking grabbed their attention, and they all recognized the Chakra signature as the Godaime Hokage herself. "It's not locked!" Yoshino shouted, not wanting the Hokage to break her front door down. Tsunade stepped in and glanced around the room, "What the hell is going on here? I felt an incredible force of Chakra coming from this house." She looked at Kidoumaru, and noticed the dark design on his neck. "Is that a Cursed Seal?"

"This is outrageous!" Danzo slammed his fist onto the council table, "These... _Creatures_ should not have been allowed here in the first place, as I recommended, we should have killed them. But certain _sentimental fools_," He directed his gaze toward Tsunade, "Wanted to be _merciful_, and now those undesirable freaks have regained their full powers!" "You're right, we have been too merciful," Shikato was furious, "We were too merciful to kill you when we had the chance, Danzo! After your precious little ROOT came to light, you should have been executed! You're the only 'undesirable freak' here! Every time I see poor Sai I think of what you did to him, what you made him into..." "We already discussed that! What I did with ROOT was to protect this village from weaklings like you!" Shikato's eyes narrowed with pure hatred, "Yes, so that it could be_ ruled_ by tyrants like you, Danzo." "Enough!" Tsunade jumped to her feet, "Shut the hell up, all of you!" _Yes, today is going to be a ten bottle day..._ "These kids haven't shown any interest in harming us, Kidoumaru has actually been a great asset to this village as an Instructor. We need to think this over rationally..." "No interest in harming us?" Danzo laughed, "Do you think they just happened to be wandering around our village by chance? And that two-headed freak is plotting something, I know it!" "I still have them under constant surveillance by ANBU. All you have are suspicions. This is Konohagakure, not Oto, we don't kill people just because we don't like them! If we did, I'd have killed you long ago!" Danzo stood angrily, his features contorted in rage, and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He dropped like a stone to the floor and began to convulse violently. Tsunade rushed over to try to help him.

"A stroke?" Sai's voice was as unemotional as always, but Suigetsu was clearly overjoyed. "Yes, Sai. He'll survive, but he'll be completely paralyzed for life." Sai nodded, "I understand." "Is the old #! conscious?" Tsunade nodded, "Yes." Suigetsu smiled, revealing those shark-like teeth, "And totally paralyzed? He can't move a muscle?" Tsunade knew what he was getting at, "Yes, he's just a brain trapped in a useless shell, fully conscious and with his thinking abilities intact. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Suigetsu responded by falling to the floor in the throes of wild laughter, "That..." He struggled for breath through the laughter, "Monster's in a living... hell! Serves his #! right! He took Sai's emotions, and now he has... nothing left but emotions! All his twisted little thoughts and he can't even move!" Sai looked at his brother, as emotionless as ever. "I do not understand this form of humor, brother." "It's called sadism, Sai." "And don't f... Forget irony! Poetic justice!" Suigetsu had tears coming from his eyes, he was laughing so hard.

To Be Continued . . .


	79. Chapter 79

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 79

Tayuya's transformation had managed to scare of most of her erstwhile traveling companions away, but not all. She closed her eyes and told herself she shouldn't kill the brat, but it was hard. "So Tayuya-San, you don't mind, jan?" "Listen you puppet-#! freak, I don't have a #! copyright on my #! horns! If you wanna' use 'em for that #! puppet, I don't give a #! Just leave me the #! alone!" Shikamaru rolled his eyes, ever since Maki had seen Tayuya transform, he wanted her to model for an upgrade on his 2nd puppet, Youkai, in full Cursed Seal form, no less. Apparently he believed it would make his puppet more terrifying, given the fact that Tayuya's appearance had frightened almost everyone else and made his Sensei scream like a little girl. "I'll #! perform for your #! when we stop, alright, you little #!?" "Thank you!" Maki grinned eagerly and went back with his team. "Can you #! believe the balls on that #! brat? He's too #! stupid to be afraid of me!" "He's right, though, a puppet that looks like your Cursed Seal form would scare the crap out of almost anyone." Tayuya gave a devilish grin, "What if I just took the brat and..." "NO! He may be annoying, but he's pretty much the only one here who doesn't already hate us. Besides, Kidoumaru seems to like him, not to mention Kankurou. He's a good kid..." Tayuya moaned loudly, _It's going to be a #! long trip..._

The kids on the training field reacted with awe at Kidoumaru's Cursed Seal form, and started babbling questions, many of which he couldn't answer. School wasn't back in session yet, but news of the Oto-Nin's newly regained abilities had spread like wildfire, sending ripples of curiosity and fear throughout Konoha. "Okay, Jirobou. Let's give these brats a demonstration." The kids watched as Jirobou transformed into a reddish brown, long-maned, monstrous version of himself, and then the two Oto-Nin began to spar. Jirobou began tearing huge chunks of earth from the ground as Kidoumaru nimbly dodged and struck at his friend, relying on speed rather than brute strength, not that he was lacking in strength. Eventually Jirobou trapped Kidoumaru within a earthen cell, but the Spider-Nin broke through and webbed the Earth user to the ground as the kids began clapping. "Man, you almost had me, Chunky. I'm getting rusty in my old age." As Kidoumaru helped him out of the webbing, Jirobou suddenly had a great idea, "Why not show them your summon?" "Are you kidding, their parents would burn me at the stake!"

Tayuya watched as the kid made a detailed sketch of her head, obviously he couldn't make the alterations to his precious puppet here, lacking the right materials, so he was evidently taking down what amounted to design schematics. "Hurry the #! up you #! I don't have all #! night!" "I'm almost done, jan, Thanks again for posing for me." She huffed and looked over at Shikamaru, who was also examining her transformed features, "What are you looking at?" Shikamaru shrugged, "It's just amazing, the physical changes caused by that Troublesome Seal..." "Alright, I'm done. Thanks so much, jan." "What the #! does 'jan' mean? Never mind, I don't #! care, is this thing gonna look just like my #! beautiful self?" Maki shook his head, "No, just similar, the facial features will be different, just a few things, like the cheekbones and sunken eyes will stay. But it won't be your face, jan." Tayuya returned to her human form and yawned, "You're #! lucky I'm such a #! sweet, generous person!" "I'm sorry I took up your time, I'm grateful you were kind enough to model for me, jan." Tayuya snorted, This brat is such a #!-kisser! Shikamaru put an arm around her and leaned forward, "What say we go off and I examine you... In the interests of science, of course..." Tayuya grabbed Shikamaru by the arm and started to drag him into the woods,_ Maybe this brat isn't so #! bad after all, he gives Shikamaru such great ideas..._

Sai looked down at his former teacher, Danzo's eyes were open, his agony shining clearly through. "So, this is how it ends, Danzo-Sensei." Sai looked at the paralyzed man without any flicker of emotion, "Tsunade-Sama says that you will never regain any muscular control. It is somewhat... Unsettling. I spent so much time within ROOT, under your will, you were almost like a god to me. You ruled every second of my existence, and now you are totally helpless, you cannot even open your mouth to give any commands. My brother says that this is poetic justice, do you agree?" He clenched his fists, without even knowing why, "Of course not, because you believe yourself so superior, you place your morality, or lack of, over everyone else. You tried to make yourself a god, now you are merely a lump of useless flesh." He cocked his head and gave a small smile, "Is this sadistic humor? Or is it poetic justice? A pity I can't tell..." Sai turned and left his stricken former master behind.

To Be Continued . . .


	80. Chapter 80

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 80

Amegakure, The Village Hidden in Rain, was not so named without cause. Everyone in the party carried an umbrella, and the rain was constantly drizzling down. Shikamaru frowned, _Didn't Mizuki say he caught pneumonia here? I know Eiji made it clear he hated traveling through Ame, and I don't blame him. _Tayuya didn't look too happy either, but she was keeping it in for once, "Tayuya?" The girl turned, "Yeah?" "Have you ever been to Amegakure?" Tayuya paused, then whispered, "It's better I don't talk about it..." Shikamaru let it go, _Who knows what she had to do under Orochimaru..._

As they stopped to make camp, several of their companions were discussing the Oto-Kunoichi as well. Satoshi Gin, AKA, Maki's Sensei and the group leader, echoed the feelings of most of the party. "Why do we need that Filth?" He spoke in low tones, ensuring that Tayuya wouldn't hear him, "I have an idea how to deal with that creature." He began to lay a out a simple but effective plan to deal with the foul-mouthed nuisance, "Who's with me?"

To say that Inuzuka Tsume was angry was a decided understatement, and Tsunade didn't blame her. First she had given sanctuary to the two boys who had cruelly injured and nearly murdered the Dog-Kunoichi's son, and now said boys had just regained the terrible power of the Cursed Seal, all the while displaying a somewhat hostile attitude toward Konohagakure in general. "I understand your concerns, Tsume, I..." Tsume snarled, "There is no way that you could understand, you have no children, no one you love was tortured by those monsters." Her voice was full of pain and resentment, "You don't have to comfort Kiba when he wakes up screaming in the night, terrified by the memories of what they did to him. And now they have the power to do so again and you seem unwilling to protect the village from them." Tsunade felt a surge of rage flowing through her, but she held it in for once, the woman had been through a great deal, and her son still suffered from the Twin's brutality, "I do care about this village, and I care about Kiba, he's a great boy as well as a friend. But these boys already died once, how many times do you want them to die before they've paid for their sins?" Tsume's eyes narrowed in rage, "This isn't like with Kidoumaru, Sakon and Ukon have shown no hint of kindness, they have done nothing for this village, They have shown no remorse for what they did, nor have they shown any desire to be useful to Konohagakure. They're enemies living within our village walls." "I know that! But we should at least try to reform them, rather than simply throwing them away as hopeless. They're under constant surveillance, if they make any suspicious moves, they'll be spending the rest of their lives in a prison cell."

Kidoumaru, Jirobou, Chouji, Kiba, Akamaru and Naruto were having a serious, deeply intellectual conversation under a tree in the park. Kiba grinned, "So, what was the deal with those giant purple rope thingies? They looked ridiculous!" "Well, for one thing, it distinguished the elite players from the scrubs. I guess Orochimaru wanted the enemy to laugh themselves to death." It seemed to be working on Naruto, who was rolling around in the grass, laughing his head off at the memory, "Purple butt-bows, dattebayo!" Everybody started laughing, even Akamaru, "Man I hated those things!" Jirobou fell over on the ground, "It made us look like idiots!" Kidoumaru snickered, "That old freak enjoyed making us look stupid! It drew attention away from how hideous he was! Have any of you actually seen Orochimaru!?" Kiba howled with laughter, "I bet now that he's in hell, even the demons are wearin' blindfolds!" Jirobou sat up a bit, "They're welcome to him! I hope they're roasting that freak over an open fire!" Chouji suddenly thought of something, "Hey, I know Orochimaru was the same age as Jiraiya-sensei and Tsunade-Sama, and I've heard that Itachi cut his hand off... So, I was wondering, did he use somebody else's body the way he planned on using Sasuke? I mean, in the past..." Kidoumaru shook his head sadly, "Yeah, at least once, that I know of anyway. There some poor guy from what became Otogakure, what was his name... Genyumaru? Poor sap... See, Orochimaru needed a new body, so he got a bunch of really strong contenders to fight to the death for the honor of being his next 'vessel', and this Genyumaru guy 'won', if you can call that victory... He agreed to be the host in exchange for the old freak setting his village free... He deserved better, but a lot of people end up getting screwed when they don't deserve it..." "So, did he keep his word?" Poor, naive Naruto asked, "We're talking about Orochimaru here, he'd eat his own mother for kicks... I guess they're free now that he's dead..." "That #! didn't have any honor, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru lay back in the grass, "You're just now figuring that out! You're as thick as Zaku!" He paused, "No, poor Zaku is a bit thick, but that wasn't what caused him to die, he wanted to believe in the snake, he wanted to think he cared, because that was all he had, ya' know... I hope that old snake is screaming in hell right now..."

As it turns out, Orochimaru was screaming in hell... Eiichiro watched in amusement as three young, woefully inexperienced demons worked out new torture techniques on the Snake. Bungled torture is sometimes even worse than when it's done properly, and this was no exception. Eiichiro watched for a while, then walked over to the kid in charge, "I'd like to speak to this trash for a minute." The demon eyed him curiously, "I dunno', we have work to do, the training shift doesn't end for a while..." Eiichiro smiled, "Don't worry, I'll only be a minute." The demons stopped and Eiichiro leaned over Orochimaru's writhing form. "Hey, you look terrible!" Eiichiro laughed, "Ya' know, up in the living world, nobody misses you. Even your own parents wanted you sent to hell instead of having you near them. How's that feel? You were so afraid to die, so terrified of what lay in store for you here that you sold your own soul and corrupted who knows how many others, and all for nothing..." Orochimaru stared at him with pain-filled eyes, "Awwww... You look so scared, don't worry, the torture will begin again soon enough. I _could_ help you, after all, I roam around free. I could... But I won't. You're here, and you're never getting out, _ever..._" Eiichiro gave a friendly smile and planted his foot in Orochimaru's face, "Bah-Bye." He turned to the demons, "Carry on." The demons looked at him in awe, "He's awesome..."

"I wonder why they'd come here, of all places?" The ANBU looked at his partner, who shrugged. They'd followed the Oto-Twins from their apartment to Sai's house, and they'd been inside with the emotionless ninja and his brother for over an hour. "Kidoumaru said that I have 'the perfect poker face.' Do you agree?" Sakon and Ukon made a great show of examining the Artist-Nin's face, "Yep. Totally unreadable." "It's almost scary... Stop peeking at our cards, Suigetsu!" Suigetsu gave an innocent 'me?' look and began examining his own hand, "Hmmm... Are we gonna' play or look at Sai's face all day?" "It's better than lookin' at yours, Shark-Boy." "You two should wear bags over your heads, you're scaring all the dogs in town!" Ukon smirked, "Really? And I thought the Inuzuka's liked us..." "No, I'm afraid that they've been actively seeking your deaths or imprisonment since you arrived, because of your treatment of Inuzuka Kiba." Sai totally missed the point of sarcasm. "They'll never get over that, will they?" Sakon sighed, "Just can't seem to put it in the past..." Sai nodded, "He was severely injured, and went through a great deal of physical and emotional pain during and for some time after your battle. The Inuzuka are naturally highly emotional people, and they have great bonds amongst themselves." "Yeah, you hurt one, you hurt 'em all, right?" "Royal Flush." Ukon grinned, "Pay up." Suigetsu moaned and threw down his cards, "And Konohamaru said I was lucky..." Suigetsu pushed several pieces of candy forward, leaned back and pulled out a little orange book. "Is that _Icha Icha Horror_?" "Yeah, it's volume II." Ukon's eyes widened, "Volume II! I was waiting on Volume I when I died!" Suigetsu grinned, "I have that one, if you wanna' borrow it..." "Do I want to borrow it! #! yeah!" Sakon sighed, "It looks like our brothers have found common ground..." "Yes, but unfortunately, it's the low ground."

"How much #! longer 'till we reach that #! hell-hole?" Tayuya groaned and fell onto the bed, "At least we came across this #! village..." Tayuya was used to hardship, but slogging her way through the muddy, godforsaken pit that was Amegakure was a bit much... _And I don't even get to share a #! room with Shikamaru!_ That had all but derailed her plan to 'accidentally' walk in on him in the shower! She was just about to fall asleep when she heard a sharp knock at the door, she groaned loudly and covered her head with a pillow, but the knocking kept up, it wasn't Shikamaru, he would have given up after the first couple of knocks. Tayuya growled with frustration, "If that's you Maki, I'll shove your #! puppets up your #! I'll kill your #! and hide your scrawny, #! little body where no one will ever #! find it!" She yanked the door open. It wasn't the young puppeteer... A quick, and, Gin had to admit, satisfying blow to that foul mouth and she was out cold. _I can't do it here, I can't risk leaving blood behind... _"Get her things, and remember, she just left, got it?" Two of the conspirators grabbed her bag of belongings and rushed off after Gin into the dark night.

To Be Continued . . .


	81. Chapter 81

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 81

"Hurry up and finish her before she wakes up!" Gin stopped and fairly threw Tayuya to the muddy ground, then reached into his pouch and pulled out a kunai. He moved the weapon toward her throat, and found bright yellow eyes looking up at him, enraged. An incredibly powerful claw grasped his wrist, and shattered it, "No one #! with Tayuya the Summoner of Otogakure!" Gin fell back in pain, "Stop her!" But it was too late, Tayuya had pulled her flute from it's pouch, and began to play.

Shikamaru sat up with a start at the sound of a flute, which was drifting into his room from the forest, along with the sound of screams...

A Doki crushed one man with it's massive club, smashing the body into the mud as another picked up the second and threw him against a nearby tree with an ugly crack... Gin fell to his knees, screaming as Tayuya smiled, a large, hideous Doki brought down a massive sword on the man's head. Tayuya dismissed the monstrous summons and set down her flute, "#! idiots..." She turned to see a horrified crowd of spectators, including a boxers-clad Shikamaru...

"Oh God, not again..." Tsunade had never imagined this, but now it seemed obvious... "Both of them?" Iwashi shuddered, "Yes ma'am, our spy reports that both Hoshigake Kisame and Uchiha Itachi have returned and are dwelling in Amegakure with that Konan woman..." "And I've sent Shikamaru into that snake pit..."

"I believe you, Tayuya. Those guys have had it out for you for a while now." Tayuya leaned onto Shikamaru's shoulder, "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble." The party was in a fair state of confusion, several had deserted rather than be around the Oto-Girl, and several more were calling for her arrest. The case was open and shut, the bruises on Tayuya's face and other factors backed up Tayuya's story, but not everyone believed her, or wanted to. "You haven't caused any trouble, you were just defending yourself. I'm just sorry I wasn't there to help..." Shikamaru put an arm around her, while running a hand through her hair. "Amegakure hasn't #! changed much since I was here last, still a filthy, #! mudhole full of crooks and #! scum. I don't mind if the #! blame me, but if they try to #! with you..." He pulled her close and kissed her softly, "Is that all you got?" Tayuya pushed him down and gave him a long, deep kiss...

"Ya' know, those guys aren't so bad, not like the usual Konoha Trash." Sakon nodded in agreement with his brother's assessment of Sai and Suigetsu. _Suigetsu is crazy, fun and sadistic, and Sai... Well, since he has no emotions, he's not gonna' immediately look down on us because we're freaks, or hold grudges because we might of hurt people he knows in the past. Plus he's a cool guy, he calls things as he sees 'em, no matter whose feelings he hurts_. Sakon laughed loudly, "What's so funny, little brother? You see a mirror or something?" "I was just thinking of Sai's nicknames for Sasuke and Naruto," He chuckled,

"Traitor and Dickless!" They were laughing so hard they could barely get the key into the door of their apartment. Ukon grinned evilly, "Ya' know, I bet _both_ terms could apply to Sasuke!" Sakon had to grab onto the wall for support. Once they'd pulled themselves together, they plopped into bed and Ukon started reading the book he'd borrowed from Suigetsu, _Icha Icha Horror_, Volume I. After a few minutes of silence Sakon looked over, "So, who's that chick with the huge boobs and the chainsaw fighting the zombies?" Ukon snickered, "It's Tsunade, he calls her something else, of course... Jiraiya-Sensei always bases his main characters on people he knows, usually with himself as the leading man..." "He must have an ego like Sauce-Gay!"

Maki smiled at the sight of Amegakure's massive walls, _Finally!_ He was bone tired and eager to get home. He looked back and felt a pang of sadness, Gin-Sensei wasn't ever coming home... His body had been disposed of along with the others in the woods. Someone would go back for their bones... He glanced over at Tayuya and Shikamaru, the lazy Shadow-Nin had a look of relief on his face, realizing that this long, troublesome trip was over. Tayuya gazed up warily, she was suspicious, with good reason, _When word gets out of what she did, justified or not, things will get ugly..._ The gates opened and Maki rushed forward into his family's arms.

Tayuya looked around at the village, How can anyone live in a place that gets rain every #! day!? "Tayuya!" Shikamaru nudged the girl gently, and she looked up to see Konan walking toward them. Kidoumaru was right, she is incredibly beautiful... Shikamaru tried not to openly gape at the woman as she stepped forward, "I am Konan, the Nidaime Mizukage of Amegakure. You must be the ambassador from Konohagakure. You're a lot younger than I expected." She smiled gently and turned to Tayuya, "Long time no see, Tayuya. I'd heard you were staying in Konoha, but why have you come here?" "Someone has to protect this lazy #!." She pointed her thumb at Shikamaru. "Still eloquent as always, I see. Tell me, boy, what's your name?" "Nara Shikamaru, Mizukage-Sama." He bowed respectfully. "Nara? Of the Nara clan? We have a distinguished visitor indeed. I've heard a great deal about you, Shikamaru." She looked around thoughtfully, "Some of our party appear to be missing..." She looked around as a guard approached, "Konan-Sama, Maki has brought a message from the ambassador of Sunagakure in Konoha." He handed her the scroll Kankurou had given the younger puppeteer. "Thank you, Maki." He bowed respectfully, and she turned back, "Where is Gin?" "He's dead, Konan-Sama." The man who'd taken command of the party after Gin's death stepped forward, "Along with Hiroshi and Akamatsu. They attempted to murder the Oto-Girl, and she killed them. A few others abandoned us after that..." The crowd began to murmur in shock, and a few glared angrily at the young Kunoichi. "Enough talk, let's get inside and find you accommodations." She turned and motioned Shikamaru and his party to follow."

As they entered the Mizukage's Palace, Shikamaru noted the elegant furnishings and beautiful architecture, It truly is a palace... "Well, Nara Shikamaru. You've really grown since I last saw you." Shikamaru stopped dead in his tracks, trying to keep calm, he turned slowly, praying that he was wrong. He wasn't. Uchiha Itachi stood alive and well not twenty feet behind him. "Tell me, how is my dear little brother Sasuke doing?"

To Be Continued . . .


	82. Chapter 82

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 82

Shikamaru could only gape in horror at the mad Uchiha, _Oh God, we're really screwed!_ The guards assumed fighting positions "Relax, Nara, I have neither reason nor desire to kill you." Shikamaru felt Tayuya's hand grasp his own. "Yes, and I would remind you, itachi, should you think of changing your mind, these are guests, not enemies, and if they're harmed, you'll regret it." Itachi bowed, "Of course, Konan-Sama." Shikamaru let out a sigh of relief. Konan looked down at the pair holding hands and smiled gently, _So, Tayuya has found herself a lover. A rather attractive one too, though, if his reputation is true, a very, very lazy one.._. "Come, we'll find you quarters and get you familiarized with the palace." Both of them bowed, "Thank you, Konan-Sama, for your hospitality." Konan nodded and turned, motioning them to follow. "Oh yes, I almost forgot. Itachi, please inform Kisame that he is not to harm our guests." "Yes, Konan-Sama." Kisame! Shikamaru stared as the Uchiha left the room, thankfully going in the opposite direction.

"Things sure aren't the same without Tayuya..." "They're much nicer!" Sakon and Ukon cracked up, "Quieter, at least." Dosu yawned. "It's a shame, she'd be a lot better liked if she behaved like a real

lady instead of a foul▴mouth." Ukon grinned, "It's really weird to hear Jirobou use the word 'lady' without following it up with 'Oh God! Please don't hurt me Tayuya!'" Everyone started laughing, even Jirobou.

"Well, we're going to have an all-boy's team for a long time to come," Kidoumaru looked around at the others, "Miss. Manners is a whole country away, and we're gonna' find new games to play!" "Like what?" "Like... Errr, we could... uhmmm... Okay, Dosu's the quiet one, I'm the genius," Everyone moaned, "Jirobou's the 'good' one and Sakon and Ukon are the 'bad' ones, so we can... God, we sound like a Boy Band!" "Yeah, and Tayuya's the only one who can play an instrument!" Dosu shook his head sadly, "Don't tell me Tayuya was the manly one here..." Sakon laughed, "Well, Kidoumaru's been neutered by Sakura, Jirobou was neutered years ago..." "I think we'd better change the subject before I turn you guys into dog food...." Kidoumaru glared at the Twins. "Inoichi-San said I'm going to have to go to school in a few months." Dosu smiled, "Kin told me she and Zaku started months ago." "I can't picture Zaku in school, unless he's burning it to the ground!" Everyone got a kick out of that, Zaku wasn't exactly an intellectual, he had always been far more concerned with beating his enemies and gaining his worthless master's respect than with learning how to do long-division. "So, I hear you two losers have been hanging out with Sai and Suigetsu." "They're a lot cooler than you, Game-Boy." Kidoumaru laughed, he was glad the Twins were finally making friends in Konoha...

"Itachi... I can't believe it!" Tayuya looked at Shikamaru, "I was dead too, ya' know. I bet you didn't expect to see me again, either." "Hm, good point." Shikamaru leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling of his quarters, "But you don't have the Mangekayo Sharingan, and you didn't murder your entire clan... I don't think..." "What is this _Mangy Sharingan_ thing?" Shikamaru sat up straight, "Well, the Mangekayo Sharingan is the ultimate form of the Sharingan, increasing the user's powers greatly. Itachi, for instance, uses his to produce a horrible Genjutsu in which a few seconds feel like hours or days of torture for the victim. Kakashi went through it an barely survived, it's a powerful Genjutsu, he was trapped in another plane, being tortured repeatedly for days by Itachi, but it was only a matter of seconds in the real world. Most victims don't survive." "I guess that Kakashi is a real tough #!" Shikamaru nodded, "Yeah, he is, but he also has a Sharingan of his own." "How could he? He's not an Uchiha!" "Obito. Obito gave Kakashi his Sharingan when he was certain he was going to die..." Tayuya shuddered, "I remember seeing that eye, Madara's eye... It was red with weird symbols and just burned into me, like he was reading my soul... It was horrible. That's the real reason I left, most of the others wanted nothing to do with that #! Kabuto, but I was scared #! by #! Madara..."

"Nara huh? The lazy bum... He's not worth killing anyways. Besides, I want Samehada back..." "Calm youself, Kisame. We know who has the sword, and where he is... And I have an idea..."

"Suigetsu, Tsunade-Sama has urgent matters to discuss with you..." Suigetsu looked up at Sai, "Yeah, why would the old lady wanna' see me?" "Because 'the old lady' received this." Tsunade entered the room and thrust a sheet of paper under the boy's nose. "Hmph." He held the letter close,

_Tsunade-Sama,_

_We have recently come into possession of an item that might interest you, the sole son and heir of the ancient Nara clan. We have no reason to harm him, if you obey our instructions. The sword Samehada, in the possession of one Hozuki Suigetsu will be returned at once to it's rightful owner, Hoshigake Kisame, in one week or the young Nara will die screaming. Send the sword to the village of Amegakure, to the Mizukage's Palace, and Shikamaru will be delivered unharmed into your custody. I think we all know what I am capable of,_

_Sincerely,_

_Uchiha Itachi_

"I killed that #! piece of #! myself!" Suigetsu ground his pointed teeth in rage, "I saw both theirbodies!" "Yes, but the boys we were playing poker with two nights ago had been dead five years. Whatever technique the Akatsuki used to bring them back must still be operational." "Yes, but right now my concern is Shikamaru's safety. I'll have to ask you to surrender the sword." Tsunade watched Suigetsu closely for any reaction.

To Be Continued . . .


	83. Chapter 83

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 83

"Suigetsu?" Suigetsu read the letter again, I know Shikamaru, he's a nice enough guy, but I earned that sword! It's not Kisame's, I won it! And now he wants to use dirty tactics to get it back... "SUIGETSU!" Tsunade's face was filled with anger, "We need that sword!" Sai moved over and next to his brother, "I am fond of Shikamaru as well. A sword is an inanimate object, it can be replaced." He smiled. Suigetsu's hands began to shake, _#! he knows I can't refuse the smile!_ "It's in my bedroom, next to Zabuza's sword... take it." Sai smiled again, and Suigetsu could have sworn it was a real smile.

Shikamaru stretched lazily on his bed, he had no desire to go back to another boring session of negotiations, even if they were important. "Get up, Shikamaru." "Awwww, Jus' five more minutes..." _Wait, who the hell!_ Shikamaru fairly lept out of bed, and found himself in the arms of Hoshigake Kisame. "Good morning kid." Shikamaru stared in horror at the Shark-Nin's smiling face. "Relax kid, I just need something of yours." He grinned, "I got it!" He reached down and yanked Shika's boxers off, then dumped the now naked ninja back into bed, _OH GOD NO!_ "Please, no...No... Don't!" Shikamaru whimpered and pulled the sheets protectively around himself. "I'm not gonna' rape you, genius, I just need these," He held up the boxers, with _Lazy and Loving It _printed across the rear, "To prove that we have you." He turned and walked out, leaving Shikamaru trembling in his bed."Oh," Kisame looked back and grinned, "Tell Konan-Sama, and your little girlfriend suffers, understood?" Kisame left the room, and Shikamaru collapsed weeping on the bed.

"Are you alright?" Tayuya leaned over and put an arm around Shikamaru, who didn't seem to respond, "I'm fine, I just had a bad dream." He'd thought up the excuse beforehand, as well as answers to other possible concerned inquiries. "It must have been some hell of a #! dream..." "Yeah, it was." Something's wrong here, something's #! wrong! He's been shakin' like a #! Leaf all day!

"Oh, no... Now what, Shizune?" Tsunade moaned, she was already drunk, but it still couldn't dull the pain, guilt, or sheer annoyance she felt. "We... We just received this by messenger bird, Tsunade-Sama." She set a large manila envelope on Tsunade's desk. The Godaime Hokage picked up the package, opened it, and turned it upside down. Shikamaru's boxer shorts fell out. No letter, just Shika's underwear... Tsunade brought her fist down on the desk, shattering it to splinters. "He didn't want to go... He practically begged to stay here, he stood right here in this room and tried to weasel out of it, like he always does, but I could see it was... different this time... He'd been through so much #! lately, with Temari... But I made him go..." Shizune stood by the door with tears in her eyes.

The entire Nara clan was ready to go to Amegakure themselves and kill the two kidnappers, and Tsunade was well aware that they could, too, though it likely would make things worse for Shikamaru. Nara Yoshino sat red-eyed and sobbing on the couch, while Shikato held her comfortingly, with pure murder in his eyes. And then there was Kidoumaru. Something in his eyes worried Tsunade, a glimmer of madness along with the rage. "We are handling this, we have the sword, and we've sent them word that it's coming." _It's coming alright, No one messes with the Oto-Five, or their families, and lives to brag about it..._ "I want to go along, I want to be there." Yoshino and Kidoumaru both nodded in agreement. Tsunade shook her head, "No. We can't risk getting emotional and angering these #!."

"They took Shikamaru! What about Tayuya?" "I don't know, Jirobou. I just know it's time to go find those trash and make them regret it!" "We'll come." Sakon and Ukon smiled grimly, "Haven't killed anyone for a while now..." "Me too." Jirobou's eyes reflected anger at the cowards who'd dared to attack their friends, Dosu looked at his arm, his sonic weapon had been confiscated. "Dosu, you stay here. I need you to tell what's happened once we've left." A voice came from the branches above them, "I'm coming too." Kidoumaru looked up at Uchiha Sasuke and smiled, "I knew you would..."

To Be Continued . . .


	84. Chapter 84

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 84

Konan ran a hand over the tube holding Pein's body, his body, but not his mind, his soul. "Why, Misumi?" Tsurugi Misumi gave a silent prayer for mercy, "I-I Don't know, Konan-Sama. A similar thing happened with Sasori, we were able to make the body, but he just... wouldn't come back. I'm sorry." Konan rubbed her eyes, _It's just like fate to screw me like this. I've lost everyone I've ever cared for, ever loved. I'm destined to die alone..._ "All right, Misume," Her voice was a whisper, "Destroy this... Shell." "I am sorry, Konan-Sama."

"So am I, Misumi, so am I."

Shikamaru and Tayuya walked back towards their quarters silently, she could tell he was troubled, but the #! fool wouldn't talk. He suddenly drew a deep breath as Kisame walked into view, smiling. Tayuya could see the terror in the boy's eyes as they tried to quickly walk by. The Shark-Nin reached out and slapped Shikamaru's backside... "He's mine #! Boy!" Tayuya turned, fury in her eyes, "If you lay another #! paw on my boyfriend, I'll Kill your #!" "Tayuya, don't, please!" The fear in Shikamaru's voice only made her angrier at the Shark, "I don't know what the #! you're playing at, but #! stop it!" Kisame held up his hands innocently, his grin becoming a sneer, "Nice catch, LazyBoy. She's got looks, guts, and absolutely _no_ brains." It was too much, Kisame barely had time to breath before a monstrous Doki had him pinned to the wall. Tayuya's eyes narrowed as she directed the demon to grasp the Shark by the neck with powerful claws, fully intending to rip his head from his shoulders. Suddenly the flute was sent flying from her hands, clattering across the stone floor and sending the Doki back to it's realm. "What are you doing, Kisame?" Kisame was on his knees, struggling for breath,"Just... Having fun, Itachi... This #! can't take a joke..." "Neither can I, Kisame. This is far too delicate for you to be behaving like a schoolyard bully."

Tayuya picked up her flute in confusion, "What the #! is going on here?" "He did not tell you? Trying to protect your lover, Nara? Noble, but not necessary. It's simple,Tayuya, Your boyfriend is our prisoner, we're trading him for Kisame's sword." "HOW DARE YOU, YOU #! PIECE OF #!" Shikamaru put a hand on her shoulder, "It's alright, Tayuya..." He walked over to Itachi, standing face to face with the Uchiha, "I'll play along, whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt Tayuya. Let her go home..." "Is there anything in my past that could possibly make you think I'm capable of such mercy? Still, she is free to go whenever she likes." "I'm not leaving you alone with these freaks, Shikamaru."

"They did what!?" Dosu shrank back, the Hokage was a terrifying woman when calm, much less like this. "They went to Amegakure to rescue Shikamaru and Tayuya. I would have went, but they wanted me here, and you confiscated my weapon..." Tsunade started shaking, I don't know how much more I can take. "Did you tell their parents?" Dosu nodded, "Yes." "You're all very worried about them, aren't you?" "In the past, when we were still with Oto, we were taught that everyone was expendable. That's over now. We're family, and none of us will abandon the others. Shikamaru and Tayuya are family, and we won't let these trash take them from us without a fight."

"Oh man! I never did like spiders!" The group was racing through the forest toward Amegakure, carried upon the back of Kyodaigumo. "You have a problem with spiders, Uchiha? Are you some kind of Arachnaphobe?" Sasuke's eyes widened, "My God! It can talk!" "Kidoumaru, would you be too upset if I atethis brat?" "Whatever, I'm busy..." Kidoumaru wasn't really listening, "Soon as we stop, pretty boy..."

"So, KonanSama doesn't know?" "Not a thing, and that's not good, if she gets blamed, this could end in war." Shikamaru and Tayuya were sitting on the couch in his room, discussing their unfortunate situation. "Do you think we could take those #! freaks?" Shikamaru hung his head, "Kisame, possibly, but not likely. Itachi... There's no way in hell we could take Uchiha Itachi." Tayuya shrugged, "Well, #!" "My guess is, they'll take the sword and get the hell out of Amegakure before every Hunter-Nin in the world converges on this place. We'll be fine..." "I'm a #! ninja too, ya' know. I don't #! need your #! ..." Shikamaru drew back a bit, and Tayuya saw a flicker of fear in his eyes. He... He thinks I'm going to hit him... "I'm sorry, I'm not mad. Well, not at you." She smiled, "I'm just so #! frustrated with this whole #! situation." She put an arm around his shoulders, "That #! really hurt you, didn't she?" Shikamaru turned away, "Ever since she... Went crazy, it's like I'm afraid of everything, I've gone from being a Jounin to being a coward who breaks down and cries whenever someone threatens me." "You're not a #! coward. You stood up to Temari, you even #! stood up to Itachi. You're cautious, and you'd rather work things out without people getting killed. That doesn't make you a coward, it makes you smart and a #! sweet good-goody."

"KonanSama, A message just arrived from Konohagakure, and you really need to see this." Konan took the letter from the nervous aide.

_Kisame,_

_We have sent your sword as you requested, it will arrive in a matter of days, we ask only that Shikamaru and his team be released unharmed and returned to Konohagakure. Know this, if our friends have come to any harm, we will not rest until you and everyone else involved has been brought to justice._

_Tsunade,_

_Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure_

Konan's expression grew dark, _No wonder Shikamaru has been acting so strangely, he's being terrorized by that shark. Well, two can play at that game._ "Give this to Kisame, and don't tell him that I've read it." She handed the message back to the aide and left the tower.

Maki looked up from his work on Youkai at the sound of footsteps, and was shocked to see Konan, the Mizukage herself standing inside of his workshop. "Mizukage-Sama." "I need your help, are you capable of creating human-mimic puppets of specific individuals?" Maki looked at her in disbelief, Konan-Sama needs my help? "Y-yes, ma'am, but I'm not a master of the art." "Can you make your puppets appear as doubles of Nara Shikamaru and Tayuya the Summoner?" "Yes,I've actually been working on a Tayuya puppet, jan." Konan raised an eyebrow, I don't want to know... "This will be very dangerous, we are working against both Hoshigake Kisame and Uchiha Itachi." Maki had to hold onto his work bench for support, he was very close to fainting. "I-I-Itachi...A puppet wouldn't be able to fool the Sharingan. Itachi would immediately realize the deception." Konan looked around the young puppeteer's workshop, "You needn't worry about that, I have my own techniques to supplement is a matter of life and death for our two guests, their lives are in grave danger. And if they are killed, we face the threat of war with Konohagakure." Maki closed his eyes and managed to keep from throwing up, he was scared, this was an assignment for a master puppeteer, like Kankurou or Sasori, not an inexperienced novice. But he had no choice, he was the only puppeteer in the village, and it was his duty to protect his village, his friends. "I...I'll do all I can to help, Konan-Sama." Maki nodded nervously and immediately went to work. He shuddered at the thought of what would happen if Kisame, or worse, Itachi realized what was happening. What was it Kidoumaru-San said, 'sometimes you have to do the right thing instead of the smart thing.' "I'll need them as soon as possible, preferably within days." "They should be ready before the week is over, jan." "I'll be waiting, I'm putting a great deal of faith in you."

"I've always wondered how a Sharingan user would taste..." The old spider was getting hungry, she'd been running a long way. Kidoumaru felt guilty for pushing his summon so hard, but it was the fastest means they had to reach Amegakure. Sakon turned slightly to look at Sasuke, who was ghostly white and clearly terrified, "Hey, pretty-boy, you need a bathroom break?" The spider ground to a sudden halt, nearly throwing Kidoumaru off. "If this kid wets his pants on my back, I'll kill all of you!" Kidoumaru turned, "Everyone get off and go, we're not stopping again!"

To Be Continued . . .


	85. Chapter 85

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 85

Kisame walked into the room, Shikamaru was in bed, reading, with Tayuya sleeping beside him, "Got lucky last night, eh kid?" Shikamaru looked up at the Shark-Nin, "Why don't you go _beach_ yourself or something?" "Now is that any way to talk to a friend? I just want to make sure you get to work on time." He walked over, "Today could be your lucky day, Samehada should be here today... You had better pray that it is, I'd really hate to have to kill you slowly and painfully." He reached down and grabbed the boy's arm, then reeled back as it came off in his hand. "What!" His eyes narrowed, "A puppet!" "That's right." Shikamaru and Tayuya sat up and pointed their fingers toward him, the fingers shot out and embedded themselves in his skin. Kisame shouted in pain, the things burned like fire! He swung, knocking the Shikamaru puppet's head off, the headless puppet lept onto his back, only to be thrown against the wall, the Tayuya jumped on him as well, but, unlike the other, she had both arms to grasp hold of him with. New fingers shot out of it's hands and dug into his flesh, Kisame grunted and smashed the puppet between his back and wall. _When I find that brat.._. He turned, _Where would I hide if I was this puppeteer?_ He looked around, walked over and ripped open the closet door. The puppeteer was crouching in a corner, Kisame picked him up and slammed him into the wall, only to watch in shock as his head rolled off, _Another puppet!_ He heard a noise behind him and caught a glimpse of black, "You little snot! I'll tear you apart!" Kisame rushed out into the hallway, he could hear Maki's foot steps as he ran for his life. Kisame grinned,_ I'm gonna enjoy this._ He rushed after the footsteps, keeping a slight pace behind, just to let him think he had a chance. Then the footsteps stopped, Kisame turned the corner to see five hideous monsters standing in front of him, the puppeteer cowering behind them. Kidoumaru grinned, "I've been looking for you, Fish-Face." "Oh #!" Was all Kisame got out before the Oto-Five pounced...

"Ouch, I bet that's hard on the fins." Shikamaru looked over at the enraged Oto-Nin and the very unlucky Shark-Nin. "What about Itachi, jan?" "He's going to have his hands full."

"ITACHI!" "There's no need to shout, little brother." Sasuke was shaking with rage, "What does it take to kill you?" Itachi gave a rare smile, "Hatred?" Sasuke screamed and jumped at his elder brother, only to collide with the wall behind him. Itachi shook his head sadly, "That will never do. It's pathetic how weak you are." Sasuke began to transform into his Cursed Seal form, but Itachi's fist in his face flung him across the room and knocked him unconscious. "It's sad, such a waste of power. I should probably go help Kisame..." He looked at his brother, "Perhaps another time."

Kisame was in a great deal of pain, the Twins hit like jack-hammers, the Spider-Boy had six fists of fury, the fat kid... He was like a mountain coming down on Kisame's head, and the girl... Kisame couldn't feel his lower regions anymore, not after a dozen odd kicks in the crotch. The wounds he'd received from the puppets throbbed, it was some kind of poison, he knew, _#! brat!_ Suddenly he felt himself lifted, yanked from beneath the bloodthirsty ninja and slung over something hard and thin. "Kisame, you just can't take care of yourself, can you?" Kisame was in too much pain to speak, he just watched as the world around him became a blur. Itachi's speed was incredible, even Sakon and Ukon couldn't catch the traitorous Uchiha.

Tayuya smiled, "I never thought I'd be so #! happy to see your #! ugly faces!" Ukon leaned forward, "Awww, You know you love me!" He made kissing noises, only to be pushed away by the Kunoichi.

"Quit whining, Kisame. You'll live." "But it burns!" Itachi sighed in annoyance, "Pathetic." "Easy for you to say, you always come out of these things without a scratch!" "That's because my foolish little brother can't walk and chew gum at the same time, much less fight." Kisame sneered, "Well he sure kicked your butt last time!" "That was a freak accident, I was blind and he was lucky, nothing more." "Riiiiiiight!" Itachi slowed, "I do believe I see the messenger with your sword." "What!" The messenger stopped in his tracks. _Is that...? No, it couldn't be. _"Hello. I'll just be taking this off of your hands." Itachi snatched Samehada, "My, it's heavy thing, isn't it?" Itachi and Kisame vanished in a cloud of smoke, "Tsunade-Sama is going to kill me..."

To Be Continued . . .


	86. Chapter 86

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 86

"Yeah right! You're the ugly one!" "Hah, I'm the handsome one, you're ugly!" "You're both butt-ugly so shut up!" "Are they always this troublesome?" Shikamaru put his hands behind his head and leaned against the wall, "They're #! annoying!" "Is that any way to talk about the guys who just saved your butt, Tayuya?" "I was just about to make my move when you #! showed up." Ukon laughed, "Yeah, you were gonna' beg for mercy!" Tayuya glared at the Twin. "Hey, where'd Kidoumaru go?"

The room was strewn with pieces of broken puppets, Maki knelt over the head of 'Shikamaru' mournfully. "Well, you guys did good..." "We can fix them, you know." Maki turned to see Kidoumaru leaning against the door frame, "After all, they did get injured saving our friends. It's only right we help fix 'em up." Kidoumaru began helping the puppeteer gather up the pieces." "You know puppets, jan?" "Not a clue, but I'm a fast learner. And I'm always up for a challenge."You guys have some awesome forms. Are there more of you, I mean Cursed Seal guys, jan?" "Well, there's Juugo, but he's a few players short of a team. And there's Sasuke, but he's a dick, and Kimimaro, he's dead. Anko has a Cursed Seal, but I doubt she ever uses it." "Why not?" "She got it from Orochimaru and she hates him, besides, she doesn't need too. I think you'd like Sasuke's Cursed Seal form, he turns gray and grows these humongous hands that grow from his back and can be used as wings." "You're joking!" Kidoumaru began setting the pieces on the bed, "Nope. It's true. It doesn't look as silly as it sounds."

Konan walked over to the group, "So, you've won. I take it Itachi and Kisame fled?" Shikamaru's eyes widened, "Wait, where's Sasuke?" Sasuke stumbled to his feet, feeling his black eye, _I'm gonna' kill that freak!_ "Itachi you coward! I'll find you! You can't run from me! You should have killed me when you had the chance!" Sasuke turned to walk towards the others, stepped on his shoelace and fell face-first onto the floor._ Why does God hate me?_

"Ah man... Why do we have to walk?" Sakon groaned. "Quit whining, my summon needs rest, so we're going to use our own two feet." "I hope you brought lots of food, I don't want to end up in Jirobou's stomach!" Jirobou looked at the Twins innocently, "I wouldn't eat you... Unless I was really, really hungry." "Hmph, you'd think I would be the one complaining about about having to walk." Shikamaru yawned and stretched, putting his arm around Tayuya's shoulder, "But it's too troublesome to whine about that when we just got rescued." "Well, it's better than fixing those #! puppets!" "Those puppets helped save your life, Tayuya." "Yeah, I know, but I'm into music, not #! arts and crafts!" "Why the hell did that woman bring Itachi back? He was supposed to stay dead!" "I didn't know you were in charge of the 'Final Judgment' department, Sasuke. Maybe he has a reason for being back in the game." "Yeah, for me to kill his sorry, murderous #! again!" Kidoumaru rolled his eyes. Suddenly three men jumped from the trees, holding weapons, "Okay punks, hand over whatever you got!" Kidoumaru slapped his forhead, "For the love of... I'm always telling them to look up, attacks come from above... And I forget, geez!" "Shut up freak, and give us your money." "You poor, poor fools, do you have any idea who you're playing with?" One of the men looked at Tayuya, "I'd like to play with her!" Shikamaru's foot hit the bandit's face like a hammer, propelling him backwards into the bushes. The second jumped toward the lazy ninja, only to be knocked back by Shika's fist. The third swung at him and Shikamaru caught his fist and used his momentum to hurl the bandit into a nearby tree. Everyone stood looking at the angry Nara, "I'm sick of being stepped on by weak trash." Ukon turned to his brother, "Remind me not to hit on Tayuya any more..."

"How can anyone live in a soggy hell-hole like this, jan?" "How can anyone live in a frickin' desert, Puppet-Boy?" Ino was glad Kankurou had come along with the little group, he was a great fighter, but, as he'd made very, very clear, he hated the weather in Amegakure. Chuoji simply glared ahead, the normally friendly ninja was enraged with the thought of his best friend being in danger. Ino looked around at the others, Hana and Shiromaru were scouting ahead, Shikato was marching forward in determined silence, Sai and Suigetsu were watching out for any possible dangers from the forest on either side of the road. Sakura was nervously chewing her fingernails, terrified over the possibility of Kidoumaru being harmed. There was the sound of happy yipping, followed by Shiromaru rushing back from some point ahead, "They're coming!" Everyone rushed forward, following Shiromaru.

Sakura reached them first, latching onto Kidoumaru, "You idiot! If you'd gotten yourself killed I'd never have forgiven you! You big, stupid..." He pulled her up and kissed her. Shikato put his arms around his lazy son, "Your mother wanted to come get you herself, I had to lock her in the closet to keep her from coming!" Shikamaru's eyes widened, "Mom's gonna' kill you!" Tayuya walked over to Kankurou, "Hey, wait till you #! hear what Maki did..." Chouji jumped onto Shikamaru, almost knocking him over, then nearly crushing him with a massive hug, "Man, I was so worried about you!" Shikato wrapped an arm around Kidoumaru's shoulder, "When you get home, you have a real spanking coming! Running off without telling us, your mother's going out of her mind!"

Sai walked over to Sakon and Ukon and smiled, "So, did you guys 'kick butt'?" Sakon smirked, "Fish-Boy's gonna' think twice before messing with us again!" "And thanks to Tayuya, he ain't gonna be havin' any kids..." "Ouch! That chick is a real ball-buster, ain't she?" Suigetsu covered his crotch for effect, "Remind me never to piss her off!"

"So, do you appreciate the art of Ninja Puppetry now, jan?" "Hmph, shut the hell up, Puppet-Boy." "It's bad enough you killed us, now you want us to tell you how great you are?" "I'm talking about the art, you two-headed moron, jan." Sai cocked his head, "Technically, they are _two_ people, with one living symbiotically within the body of the other, not one two-headed individual."

Ino walked over to Sasuke, "Nice black eye, #! Too bad I didn't cause it." "Just shut-up, pig-girl!" Ino jumped back as a bird dropped it's load on Sasuke's head. "Why does God hate me? WHY?!" "Because you're a terrible person."

Sakon gritted his teeth,_ I'd hoped it would never come to this.._. "I guess... You... I guess, we didn't leave you much choice. We were kind of... Cruel to Dog-Boy." Ukon growled at his twin, "What the hell are you saying!? Are you getting soft on me?" "C'mon Ukon, admit it, we didn't have to be so hard with the kid." Kankurou didn't know what to say to that... "Yeah, the poor widdle baby! If he wasn't ready to #! die, he shouldn't have dragged his sorry #! into battle! Would he have shown us any #! mercy?"

To Be Continued . . .


	87. Chapter 87

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 87

"You were joking about the 'spanking' thing, right?" "No." Kidoumaru paled, "Oh crap! I... I have t-to get some work done at the Academy." "Nice try, but school's out." Yoshino released her death grip on Shikamaru, "Kidoumaru! Get inside! Or do you want your spanking out here in front of your friends?" Kidoumaru turned to Sakura, "Babe, if I don't come back, I just want you to know, I love you." "KIDOUMARU!" Kidoumaru gulped, "Coming, mom... Did I mention how nice you look today?" "Save the butter for the muffins son, you're not getting out of this! You scared me to death, running off... Blah, blah, blah...." "Remember me, Sakura!" The door shut and a few moments later, SMACK "OUCH!" SMACK "SORRY!!!" Sakura couldn't help but giggle...

Kidoumaru lay red-faced in bed, laying on his stomach to avoid pain from his equally red backside, "I bet this is all over town by now, isn't it?" Sakura laughed, "Knowing Ino, it's all over the country." "Sakon and Ukon aren't going to let me live this one down..." "Well, think about it, Shikamaru was being held captive by a pair of lunatic underwear thieves, and you run off like that... I'd have been upset too. I_ was_ upset." She grinned maliciously, "Oh God, not you too!" "She raised her right hand and slapped downward toward his already sore backside, Kidoumaru cringed, but nothing happened, he opened his eyes to see her hand hovering millimeters from the fabric of his jeans. "I think you've been through enough, you are a _hero_, after all... And I'm not going to beat you, no matter how tempting it is." She sent a little Chakra into him to ease the pain, "I had to fall in love with a delinquent..."

"I am confused by something." "NO!" Suigetsu looked at Sai in mock disbelief, "Okay, what is it now?" "When Temari 'spanked' Shikamaru, it was abuse, when Yoshino 'spanked' Kidoumaru it was discipline. What is the difference?" "Well, Yoshino probably didn't use a big-#! metal fan or leave bruises, for one thing..." "So it's a question of degree?" "You could say that. Intent too. Shikamaru didn't do anything wrong... Well, he's an annoying, lazy-#! jerk, still... Kidoumaru basically ran off into battle without even letting his parents know he was going, and after being specifically told not to go." "But his intent was to rescue Shikamaru, that is a noble reason." Suigetsu started scratching his head, "Now you're getting me confused. Yeah, he had good reason, but he went about it the wrong way, and scared the #! out of his mother." Sai contemplated for a moment, "So, basically, he was punished for not informing his parents that he would be risking his life, not for the act of risking his life itself. Shikamaru was punished without cause by Temari, but Kidoumaru was punished for thoughtlessly causing his parents mental distress." "Yeah." "Suigetsu?" "What?" "Why do people use profanity?" Suigetsu moaned, It's gonna' be one of those nights...

Yoshino eyed Tayuya warily as the Oto-Kunoichi shamelessly leaned against Shikamaru on the couch. "So, as I was saying, we didn't even know until Kisame came in and..." He blushed six shades of red, "Stripped your lazy #!?" Shikamaru winced, "Yeah... I was ... really scared he was going to... Abuse me... But he just walked out with my boxers. I think Itachi was upset, he told Kisame off, I don't think he really wanted to involve me at all, just to make it look like I was being held prisoner, but Kisame wanted to scare the hell out of me, so he came in and... Well, you know, and the cat was out of the bag." "So, they didn't physically hurt you?" No, but Kisame said if I told Konan-Sama what had happened, he'd hurt Tayuya." Tayuya looked him over, "Then you were protecting me, like Itachi said..." "Of course, you're my friend, you're my girlfriend, I couldn't risk you getting hurt." Shikato grinned and nudged Yoshino, "See, he's turning out just fine..."

Hana looked up at Shizune, "She's going to be fine, it's just gas." "Thank God!" "You need to watch what she's eating." "I know, she keeps getting away from me." Hana shook her head, "You can't just let her wander around unsupervised." Shizune nodded sadly and picked up her pig, "C'mon TonTon, no more junk food 'till you're better." The pig squealed sadly as Shizune carried her out of the Inuzuka Veterinary office. Hana turned at a knock on the door to her office, Kankurou was standing in the doorway, grinning. "Hey, Kitty." "Hey, Hana... I've learned some new techniques." He held up_ Icha Icha Tactics_, "Wanna' play doctor, jan?" "Mmmmm... I think you're overdue for an examination, Kitty."

The wild sounds you hear in a vet's office don't always come from the animals...

To Be Continued . . .


	88. Chapter 88

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 88

"Okay, explain to me what happened again." Tsunade rubbed her eyes. "Well, Tsunade-Sama, we got lost in the woods, then those two lunatics showed up and took the sword. We couldn't fight them, and we were on our way to deliver it to them anyways..." "All I can say is you idiots are #!_ lucky _Shikamaru and the others escaped! How could you #! _bungle_ such an important and #! _simple _mission!?" "I..." "Get out of my sight!" The Messenger-Nin fled seconds before the Hokage's desk hit the wall behind where he had been standing. Tsunade walked over and reached into the shattered desk pulling a miraculously undamaged bottle of sake from the wreckage. "I'm surrounded by_ boobs..._" "Ya got that right, toots!" Tsunade jumped to the door, but couldn't catch whoever had said that...

The welcome back party was wonderful, especially for Shikamaru, who learned that someone else was being assigned ambassador to Amegakure, in light of his unpleasant experiences. Between Chouji and Jirobou, the food vanished quickly, though, fortunately, that had been anticipated and everyone else had eaten at home... Shikamaru himself was asleep, his face in his palm, as the party went on around him. Tayuya sat next to him, mentally counting the days until she turned sixteen...

"So, tell me, Hana," Ino said slyly, "Just how good is Kankurou with his hands?" "Four words, Marry a Puppet - Master..." They both fell into a giggling fit.

Eiji held the message in his hands, "Shikamaru was kidnaped? Itachi and Kisame are alive again? A bird dropped a load on Sasuke's head! And they didn't invite _us_!" Zaku looked up from his supposed homework, "Sounds like we missed a real party. Why couldn't they just kidnap Shino and keep him?" "Think about it, manure for brains, do you want Shino in Akatsuki?" Kin chided. "HELL NO!" Zaku grabbed his little orange book of perversion, "I'm glad it wasn't us, though, that Itachi is a real pain in the..." "_Language,_ Zaku." Tomoe poked her head in the room, "Errrr..._ Derriere?_" "That's better." Naraku Akira walked into the room, "That poor kid must have been terrified, I mean, he's sleeping safely in bed and some freak comes in and rips off his underwear..." "Poor boy probably thought he was going to be raped." Tomoe added in. "If he's worried about that, he might want to pick a different girlfriend, Tayuya's a real sick chick. That's just what she'd do, if what she says is any indication." Zaku grinned. "I'm sure he thinks he knows what he's doing," Kin added, "If she tries anything, she'll be out on the street."

"This is a most _Un-Youthful_ developement! How could anyone go crazy seeing a _fat_, naked guy with a squid for a _head?!_" Obito laughed in agreement, "Hah! Cthulhu sounds funny-looking to Obito! Does he kill by making you _laugh_ yourself to death?" "That's what the old purple_ butt-bows_ Orochimaru made us wear were for, Obito, to laugh the enemy to death... You lost your sanity roll, Lee, I'm sorry, I'll try to cast a successful Psychoanalysis roll." Kidoumaru reached into his pocket, and came up empty. "_Where's _my die?"

Many miles away, Hoshigake Kisame spat something into his hand, "What the hell?" "It's a six-sided die." Itachi said emotionlessly. "I hate kids..." Kisame shook his head and pocketed the die. _You never know when you might need one..._

To Be Continued . . .


	89. Chapter 89

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 89

"Looks like the parties' over guys." The head waiter at the Barbeque Rack looked up to see the Oto-Nin entering, with Tayuya... "And it was looking like such a nice day!" Another lamented loudly. "Yo! #!, let's get some #! Service!" "Yes," The waiter smiled thinly, "How may I serve you? "Well, to start off you can stop #! sucking up, then you can get us six #! Menus..." The waiter clenched his teeth, "And bring us some #! Breadsticks!" "Tayuya, you really should try to be nice to people.." Tayuya turned to hit Jirobo, only to realize it was Kidoumaru who'd spoken. "Mind yer own #! Business..." "If we get kicked out because of your mouth, it is our business." Tayuya growled, then shrugged her shoulders, "Alright, just bring us a #... Er, a menu." "It would be my pleasure ma'am." "_Yeah, right..._"

"Suigetsu." Suigetsu turned to see Shikamaru walking toward him. "Yeah?" "I just wanted to thank you, I know that sword meant a lot to you." Suigetsu shrugged, "Like I could leave you to die... Sai would've killed me." He laughed lightly. "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Nah. Just be yerself." "If it's any consolation," We waved Suigetsu over to a nearby bush, reached in, and pulled out a sword, "It's not _'the'_ Samehada, but it's built the same." Suigetsu picked it up and weighed it in his hand, "Excellent workmanship. Very nice..." "And heavy as hell." "Aw, not for me." He swung it, taking the top off of a row of bushes, "Yes. This is perfect. Thank you, Shikamaru." Suigetsu bowed slightly, "Don't thank me, thank That Troublesome Old Woman, she had it made for you." Suigetsu smiled, "Well, she's not so troublesome, she's actually pretty nice." "You haven't known her as long as I have..."

Kidoumaru shoveled down his food as if he was having a contest with Jirobo, "Wow, Spider-#! You're really hungry, aren't you?" "Extra limbs equals extra protein requirements , and I missed lunch." Jirobo nodded, "Yeah, some of us have to eat a lot more than others, take you, Tayuya, I don't think I've ever seen you finish a plate..." Tayuya sneered, "How'm I supposed to eat looking at your #! Faces?" Dosu finished off his plate, "DESERT! Apple pie, here I come!" As soon as the pie was on the table he started eating, hoping to finish before Jirobo decided he wanted a bite... Or two... Or five... "So, Tayuya, how was your trip with Shikamaru?" "Yeah, was he lazy as ever?" "Shut the #! Up you two-headed #! Freaks!" "According to Sai, we're two people symbiotically linked within one body, not one person with two heads." "Well whoop-dee-#!-Do! Penis boy has a brain outside of his #! Pants!" "Really though, Tayuya, how was the trip with Shikamaru?" Kidoumaru barely looked up. "Well, it was going great, I thought I had him right where I wanted him and then that #! Shark ruined everything! How am I supposed to #! Strip his #! When he's already traumatized because some pedo beat me to it!? It seems I'm the only person who _hasn't_ seen his #! Naked!" Kidoumaru paused, "Don't worry, it's all there and in proper proportion, so eat your frickin' lunch." "I knew it! Even you've seen him naked!" "Yeah, but he was also beaten black and blue, I doubt you'd get a kick out of that, you're mean, vicious and spiteful, but not that sadistic." Tayuya shut up for a moment, pondering, "That Suna #! Really worked him over, didn't she?" "Yeah, yeah she did." Tayuya looked at her feet, "Now, when I think of what I was going to do to him before you saved his sorry #!, I'm _glad_ you stopped me. I don't know if I could live with myself, it wasn't really his fault, after all. I feel so_ sick_ sometimes over hurting him like that." Everyone stared at Tayuya in stunned silence, "My God! Tayuya showing remorse!" "I won't have any #! Remorse for killing you, Ukon!" Kidoumaru grinned brightly, "Yeah, he's a great guy, once you know Shika, it's hard to picture wanting to hurt him. He's forgiven you already, you do know that, right?" "Yeah, he's told me so himself, he is a sweet guy... For a #! stupid goody-goody boy!" Jirobo smiled, "It's good that you've found someone Tayuya, it helps give the rest of us hope." "Well, what the #! Are we, _lepers!?_ Even the Two-Headed Rats could catch... _Something_ if they tried. It's not like we're hideously disfigured #! Circus freaks or something. Even you, Fat-#!, you could get a girl, or guy, or walking bowl of ramen or whatever." "Wow, she's... Complimenting us..."

Hidan was hoarse from screaming, it had been months, long torturous months without any kind of human contact, just his head, propped up on a table in an otherwise empty cell... And the rats. He cursed that Nara brat and his entire family back to creation itself when he thought of it. It was enough to drive a man mad, and Hidan had never really been sane. Suddenly the door opened and a cloaked figure rushed in, picked up the head, and rushed out. Hidan looked up best he could to see Kakuzu's grim face. He wisely kept silent until they were away from the prison, deep in the forest. "Kakuzu... I thought I'd never get out." Kakuzu just grunted. "They destroyed my body, that Nara #! Destroyed my body! And the rats, the rats were horrible!" Kakuzu knelt in front of some strange contraption and gently set the head ontop, threading his tendrils through the neck and into the machine. It was a large, metallic spider-like body, about the size of a large dog, Hidan tested the legs, and realized that could move them. He brought up a long, slender limb and scratched his nose, "Man, that #! was bothering me for months..." Kakuzu shook his head, "This cost a lot to make, Hidan. I'd expect your gratitude, at least..." Hidan looked up at the greedy immortal in awe, "You... #! Spent #! Money on me!" Kakuzu shrugged, "Well, you're the only partner I've ever had who has survived more than two hours. Besides, we make a good team."

Karin poked her head into the hospital room, "Danzo-San, time for your changing." Karin was actually surprised that she enjoyed working as a Medical-Nin, it was safer and more rewarding. Danzo didn't reply, he couldn't, being completely paralyzed. "I'd like to say a lot of people are waiting for you to get better, but, actually, they're waiting for you to die. You're not very well liked are you? From what I've heard of ROOT, I don't much like you either." She began changing his dirty clothes, when she noticed a presence in the room, "Hey, visiting hours are... Oh, it's you Sai." For some reason Karin tended to like Sai, he was brutally honest and incredibly stoic, not to mention very attractive. "Is there something you needed?" Sai looked at his former master impassively, "No. I just wanted to reassure myself that this being is not a god." Karin gaped, "Okay." She couldn't imagine the hell Sai had been through, being stripped of every emotion, everything that made him human by the creature laying half-dead before them. "His chances for recovery are unchanged?" "Still hopeless." Sai's face showed no emotion, but there had to be something there, loyalty, bitterness, rage, something to see the man who'd ruled his life for so long brought so low. "How much longer do you believe he will continue?" "He's a tough #!, he could last another twenty years." Sai smiled gently, "In this state? What a pity." He straightened and walked out, leaving Danzo to his agony.

Shikamaru took the news grimly, _Hidan is free. But who would risk coming here to save him, and why?_ "Did anyone see the guy?" Kidoumaru asked. "He was a big guy, covered in stitches like the Frankenstein Monster." The ANBU noted. "Kakuzu!" Both boys shouted at once. "But why would Kakuzu rescue Hidan? I was under the impression that they hated each other." Kidoumaru walked over to the end of the driveway and looked aimlessly down the road. "Who knows, friendships have come from far stranger relationships. Hell, my team nearly killed yours, and your team _did_ kill mine." "I wanted him to suffer, I wanted him to pay for what he did to Asuma-Sensei, but is it even possible? Hurting the killer won't bring the victim back... But it feels good, #! Good... Where's the justice?" Kidoumaru put an arm around his brother, "There isn't always justice... It sucks. I don't know really know how I got back in the game, but I do know that isn't how it normally works, when we lose someone, they're gone. They don't come back to us, but we'll eventually go to them. Murderers take away the most precious thing people have, and there's no way to get it back, or to make it right, not for us mortals, anyway. And even when the rules are broken, everything isn't perfect, look at poor Zaku, he's alive again, but he's still so traumatized by what that #! Snake-Faced #! Did to him he can barely enjoy it..." Shikamaru nodded quietly, "Those machines, if someone could get their hands on them, think of all the good people they could bring back, like the Yondaime, or Tsunade's little brother or... Or Asuma. It's frustrating to know that such ability is out there and I can't reach it!" Kidoumaru looked at the ground,

"I know, there are a lot of good people they could have brought back." Shikamaru smiled, "Well, they brought your sorry tail back, and that worked out fine!" "Not to mention Tayuya!" Shikamaru grinned, "Yeah, Tayuya is a great girl, if a little perverted and foul-mouthed and troublesome." Kidoumaru eyed him warily, "A _little_ perverted? Remember what she wanted to do to you, you know the whole, 'chained up sex-slave' idea?" Shikamaru laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back lazily, "Women just can't resist the Nara charm..." "Must be some charm to get them past your incredible laziness!"

Obito knocked on Sasuke's door softly, "Sasuke?" Sasuke rolled over in the bed, his hair mussed like a drowned

rodent, "What?" "Obito just wanted to say, you did a _good_ thing, going to help Shikamaru and the others." Sasuke groaned and rubbed his eyes, "Thanks..." Obito walked over and sat next to Sasuke on the bed, "Obito thinks you'll make a_ great _Uchiha someday."

To Be Continued . . .


	90. Chapter 90

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 90

The demon looked at his watch, "#! It all! Danzo should be here by now!" "You heard what that red-headed slut said, the old geezer could last another twenty years." "Twenty years! I warmed up the acid lake for him this morning!" The second demon shook his head, "Maybe he knows what's waiting for him." "No, he's like most of the guys here. Did you know everybody here in hell was doing right? Everyone had the right motives, the right ideas to how things should work. They're all too vain and selfish to realize how evil they truly are..." The second demon grinned, "Well, if Danzo's not coming, lets go play with Madara some more..."

Shikamaru, Tayuya, Kidoumaru and Sakura lay on the roof of the Nara home, watching the clouds. Tayuya looked over at Sakura and Kidoumaru. The Spider-Nin was shirtless, and he didn't make such a bad sight, she had to admit, the boy was hot. Sakura clearly wasn't complaining as she ran a hand down the boy's toned abs. Tayuya looked at her own boyfriend, the lazy was half-asleep, and was too much of a prude to wear his '_man whore_' shorts around Sakura, still, the mesh shirt defined him very nicely and the shorts were fairly tight. "Shikamaru?" Shika turned a bit, "Yes?" "I just wanted to say... You're a jerk! Show some skin for God's sake!" Shikamaru groaned, sat up and pulled off his shirt, "That better?" "Much." She reached out and stroked his chest, "My, you have grown. How old were you when we first met, twelve?" "That's right, I was twelve." "It's funny, now you're seventeen and I'm fifteen, so you're robbing the cradle. Hey, Kidoumaru, when do you turn sixteen?" Kidoumaru didn't bother to turn, "The twenty-seventh of July." " That's only a few weeks away." Sakura was excited, "We have to plan a party! One more year and you're legal!" Shikamaru turned to Tayuya, "When's your birthday?" "December eleventh." "Well, I guess we'll have to plan a party too." "Will you be #! Jumping #! Naked out of a cake?" Sakura and Kidoumaru began laughing at that, poor Shikamaru... "So, Tayuya, do you want to come shopping with Ino and me tomorrow? We're going looking for shoes." Tayuya stared, "_More_ shoes! You have like twenty pair!" "Yes, but they're all going to be_ half-off_ tomorrow!" "Spoken like a true female." Shikamaru yawned, "Besides, I like my diamonds rough." He put an arm around Tayuya, "And I really like you, Troublesome Foul-Mouthed Girl." "Thanks, Lazy-#! Boy."

"I still can't believe that was the same dog, he's as big as a house!" Sakon looked warily over his shoulder, "Remember how dog-boy was carrying the mutt around in his _jacket_, now he_ rides_ the #! Thing." "Let's just hope they don't want a rematch." They jogged up to Sai's front door and knocked. "Good morning, Sakon, Ukon."

"Hey, Sai wanna go do something?" Sai looked at them with cold eyes, "Something?" Ukon grinned, "Yeah, we can find something to do on the way." "Would you like to practice ninjitsu techniques?" "Sure, why not..." Suigetsu popped his head over Sai's shoulder, "Can I come to?" "Yeah, the more the merrier."

Uchiha Sasuke sat with the only other living member of his clan, outside of his brother, and listened as Obito explained what life was like among the Uchiha's before Sasuke's birth. "Obito knew Itachi then, he was a good boy, but then... Something happened. Madara was a big part of it, but he didn't force Itachi to do anything. Obito can't remember why, actually, but Obito does remember Itachi only agreed when he was told that he could spare you." Sasuke looked at Obito suspiciously, "He just wanted my eyes, that's all, he just wanted my eyes to replace his own." Obito shook his head, "Obito thinks he really _cared_ about you, in a way. He didn't like the idea of wping out the clan, but he had to, for some reason Obito can't remember." Sasuke's eyes widened a bit, "Are you saying that Itachi had another reason for killing our parents, our clan?" "Yes, but..." Obito closed his eyes "there wasn't anything left, they didn't think they had any other choice." "_They_ who?" "The _council_, the _Third_." Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "T-the Third Hokage?" Obito squinted, the memories were painful and hard to reach. He began to shake terribly, his eye glazed over with despair, "They were... Too _powerful_, the Uchiha's were the most powerful clan of all, and they were... Afraid that they'd take over. The... Hokage gave the... Order." He moaned loudly and rubbed his head, the memories were ugly, something he'd never wanted to see, to explore, but now he had too. Sasuke sat in stunned silence, _The Hokage ordered Itachi to kill his clan... He only agreed to if I would be spared... What the hell's going on in this world!?_ "Obito, are you sure of this?" Obito looked at him in honest confusion, "Sure about what?" Sasuke's blood ran cold, if Obito was telling the truth and not just some fantasy from his damaged mind, everything he'd ever believed about his family and their deaths was a lie. He had to find answers, Obito could tell him no more, so he searched out someone who could. Danzo had been a member of the council at that time... Sasuke silently slipped into the paralyzed man's mind and discovered the terrible truth.

The next morning, Konoha awoke to the sight of the Hokage monument, the face of the Third Hokage obliterated from the mountainside.

"Who could do such a thing?" One man asked, "It was the Demon Brat, it had to be!" Kidoumaru turned and glared, "Do you fools have to blame Naruto for everything!? He's never hurt you, ever, and you treat him like trash and blame him for anything that ever goes wrong in your filthy little lives! If I was him, I'd have killed you all long ago!" "Stay out of this, foreign trash." The man barely had time to look surprised before he hit the ground. "Man, I've always wanted to do that." Shikamaru looked down at the unconscious man, "Naruto didn't do this, he was friends with the Third, and besides, that blast wasn't made with a Rasengan." "So, you see it too?" Kidoumaru looked at Shikamaru, "Yeah, I see it, it was a Chidori all right."

"Oh man, they're gonna blame me for this, dattebayo!" Naruto moaned as he surveyed the damage from a rooftop with Hinata, Hana, Kankurou and Shiromaru. "Why do these idiots always want to blame you? If it's a flood, it's Naruto's fault, if it's a drought, it's Naruto's fault..." "Shiromaru does have a point, but, since my own brother is Jinkurichi, I can understand some people can't see the victim for the demon, jan." "They're not going to blame this on you." Kidoumaru and Shikamaru landed next to them. "And how do you know?" Kidoumaru pointed behind him, and they all turned to see Sasuke, in full Cursed Seal form, screeching through the village, ripping apart trees and a few building fronts. "I see, dattebayo!" "Let's go bag us a bat." "W-w-w-wait! H-h-h-he must h-h-h-have a reason."

Kidoumaru nodded, "We aren't going to hurt him, just catch him. Kankurou, we may need Kuroari."

To Be Continued . . .


	91. Chapter 91

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 91

"They killed them! Don't you understand!? The Hokage, the council, they killed my clan!"

"Just calm down and tell us, Sasuke! What's happening?" "Obito told me, he remembered, the orders came from the Third Hokage himself! That #! Killed my family!" Sasuke darted around, moving too fast even for Kidoumaru's Cursed Seal form. Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he saw one particular ninja heading his way, the grandson of the Third Hokage himself. "Konohamaru! I can't take your grandfather, but I'll take you!" Sasuke swept down toward the boy, only to be knocked aside as Kidoumaru landed on his back, throwing off his balance and sending them both crashing to the ground. "Don't ever even think of hurting my students!" Kidoumaru began pummeling Sasuke with rapid-fire punches, only to be knocked away by the maddened Uchiha, "Stay away from me! This is about my clan!" Naruto suddenly swept forward, kicking Sasuke and knocking him into the grasp of Kuroari. The puppet closed around the boy, then began to shake. "Oh no..." Kuroari shattered and Sasuke lept out, then turned and headed towards the council chambers.

A large Doki appeared, swinging a massive club down on the Uchiha's head, but he barely flinched, slicing the monster deep in it's chest, before moving up and over the beast. Tayuya stood in the shadows nearby, watching as the fearsome Uchiha easily defeated her Doki. Sasuke dodged several webs flung at him, but he couldn't dodge Naruto. The Kyuubi was taking control, things were about to get ugly...

"What in the hell..." Tsunade looked out of her window at the spectacle going on outside, "What the hell..."

_I have to get down there and stop this._

Kyuubi punched Sasuke, knocking him through a nearby wall and into an adjoining street. Naruto lept in after him,

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Sasuke!?" Sasuke wiped his lips with the back of his hand and stood, "The council had my family murdered, I have to avenge them." Naruto stood still in shock as the sound of two flutes began to filter into the street. Tayuya's Doki approaching from one side, Kotaro's on the other. "No, call them back!" Sasuke fled upward with a flurry of beating wings.

Tsunade surveyed the destruction in disbelief, _It looks as if a clawed tornado had come through Konohagakure,_

_and the battle isn't even over!_

Most of the town's ninja were on alert for Sasuke's rampage, and a squad of ANBU lept towards him, only to be violently pushed back. "Hey, kid. Why don't you call this a day and give up?" Sasuke looked over in horror as Ukon's head emerged from his body. He screamed and clawed at Ukon, who retreated back into Sasuke's form.

Ukon lept from Sasuke's body, barely missing a chidori blast aimed for his thin form. Distracted, Sasuke was captured in a Shadow Jutsu, then struck by a Chakra web, and finally contained...

To Be Continued . . .


	92. Chapter 92

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 92

Tsunade looked into the cell holding Uchiha Sasuke. She felt for the boy, but he was too dangerous at the time to be allowed to run free. "Sasuke, who told you that the Hokage had your clan killed?" "Obito." Tsunade bit her lip, Obito wasn't the type to lie, but he was _definitely_ the type to mistake_ fantasy_ for _reality_, "And that's all?" "No, I read Danzo's mind. It was all there." Tsunade swallowed hard, she was completely unaware of any such plot, yet it seemed to be true. "I know you didn't know, you weren't in the leadership then, only a few people knew. And they must be punished." "They will be, Sasuke, they will be..."

"Do you think it could be true?" Naruto asked. "Yeah, it could, it_ does_ happen. It happened to the Kaguya clan, they were completely wiped out except for Kimimaro, and he's dead now." Naruto nodded, he remembered the story Haku had told him, of the fear of Blood Limits, the purges, men killing their own families, _Yes, humans are capable of such horrible things._ "Yeah, but why the #! Would they get an Uchiha to wipe out the Uchiha clan?" "Fear." Kankurou stared into the distance, "They were afraid of the Sharingan and it's power, so they used Itachi to get it done, jan." "But why would he agree?" "If he's anything like Sai, he wouldn't be able to refuse an order, especially one from the Hokage himself."Ukon noted as Sakon shook his head, "Monsters. They call _us _monsters, but they're the evil ones..." "Well, now that it's #! Out of the #! Bag, maybe somebody will have to pay." Shikamaru looked at Tayuya, "I hope so."

"No! I want barbeque!" "We always have barbeque! I want seafood!" Sakon and Ukon glared at each other, "We_ need_ jobs." "Yeah, you think they'd trust_ us_ around weapons? You really are stupid, Sakon." "We don't have to work as soldiers, you know." "Yeah, what else are we gonna do?" Ukon sneered. "I don't know, but there must be something we can do." 'Well, you just think about it, it's your idea. When are you going to figure out that the world wasn't made for us, it belongs to them, and they won't share, so we have to take." "That's a very narrow view of the world, but understandable." Sakon and Ukon spun around to see who was speaking, "Oh, it's you." Sai smiled, "You two are phenomenal warriors, and you have other skills as well, no doubt. Suigetsu and I would not be averse to having you live in our home until you can find an acceptable occupation." "Why would you do that? Why would you care?" "I don't, I_ can't _care, but you are enjoyable to be around and you need help to become useful citizens of Konohagakure. As it's my mission to protect Konoha, helping you two contribute to our society is part of that. As for occupation, Kidoumaru is trusted with weaponry as well as the lives of numerous Genin. If he can gain such trust, you may be able to at least become ninja again. " "You're really serious..." Sai cocked his head, "Of course, why would I not be?" "Thank you!" They bowed gratefully to the pale-skinned boy.

Shizune looked out at the monument sadly, "Now what, Tsunade-Sama? He did save our village many times, he died saving us all from Orochimaru. But if he actually ordered the Uchiha Massacre..." Tsunade took a stiff drink, "That's for the people to decide, the Hokage Monument is for the people of Konoha to salute their heroes, not for politicians to deify or vilify each other. We'll hold a vote, make sure _everything_ is considered, and let it stand there." Shizune turned back out to the monument, old Sarutobi's face had been totally obliterated, if it was rebuilt, it would either have to be in a different area of the mountain or done in bas relief.

To Be Continued . . .


	93. Chapter 93

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 93

"I know he was angry, and he was right to be, but he had no right to try to harm Konohamaru for something his grandfather did years before he was even born." Kidoumaru did sympathize with Sasuke, but he was also angry that the Uchiha would attack one of his students. "Konohamaru is a brat, but he's no murderer and he's not responsible for what happened." Sakura nodded gravely, "Poor Sasuke, he's spent his whole life trying to avenge his clan, only to learn that his own village was responsible... If he wasn't insane before, that might just do it." "I never thought we'd be pitying Sasuke, after what he did to Ino and the rest of us, but he has been dealt a bad deck from the beginning, and the game just keeps crashing down on his head..." "Hey, Kidoumaru-Sempai!" Konohamaru rushed over to where the pair was sitting, "Thanks for helping me out back there." Kidoumaru shrugged, "Least I could do, since I couldn't have one of my students beaten by a low-level traitor." "You're all heart, Sempai." Konohamaru looked at the ground nervously, "Is it true? What he said about... About my grandfather?" Kidoumaru took a deep breath, "It looks that way, but we haven't gotten all of the plays factored in yet. I hope he's wrong, but..." "But you believe it's true? You believe my grandfather had the entire Uchiha clan murdered..." "Whatever he did or didn't do, he died saving this village from Orochimaru, and he risked his life for it's people many times. He's still a hero, but he did one awful thing, _truly _awful thing. I don't know how that all balances out, I'm not the ref in this game, but you should remember his good qualities, and not dwell on his bad ones."

"YO! Sakon!" "What is it, Lefty?" "I want my own room!" Sakon laughed, it was an old joke between them, but still funny, "Well go right ahead, plenty of room in the latrine." "I'll flush you!" "Yeah, right, Lefty!" Sai turned, "Do you want separate rooms?" Sakon laughed, "No, well, yeah, but it's not possible, we can't separate for too long, Lefty here's too weak to survive on his own." "Who are you calling weak, Tayuya-Face!" "You, Pig-Snot!" "Girly-Boy!" "Freak!" "Ugly!" Sai shook his head, "Is this a normal fraternal relationship?" "Well, yeah, except for the being symbiotically linked to each other." Ukon paused, _He really doesn't know. Those ROOT #! Really screwed this guy over, I hope they rot in hell._ "Er, what about you and Suigetsu?" "Our relationship is pleasant, he is most helpful to me in my quest to learn more about human emotions, and I'm glad to be able to show him the progress I have made since we were separated." _He's made progress to become this! My God! How can those #! Live with themselves?_

Kakashi walked into the cell holding Sasuke, "Hey, kid." "Kakashi." "Obito's scared to death, he blames himself." "That's stupid, it was the council's doing, the Hokage." Kakashi scratched his head, "You know Obito, he blames himself for everything." "Are you angry?" Kakashi sighed, "Yes, I'm angry, I'm angry that you could even think that you were justified in attacking Konohamaru, the rest is nothing, I'd probably have done the same, but we both know that kid had nothing to do with what happened to your clan. I'm disappointed in you for that." Sasuke hung his head in shame, "I know. Konohamaru wasn't even born when that happened, I was just so angry with his grandfather... I can't undo what happened, it was wrong. I let the rage control me again, and a lot of people could have suffered." "#! Right." Kakashi rubbed the bridge of his nose in consternation, "You'll be out of here soon, and I want you to come back with Obito and me." Sasuke looked up in disbelief, "You still want me?" "We need to keep you out of trouble, and Obito and I are the best people for that job. Besides, you've kinda... Grown on me, like a wart or something..." Tsunade looked Obito in the eye, "I don't blame you, Obito. In fact, I'm surprised you don't blame us all for what happened to your clan." "But that was just a few people, not everyone in town."

Kidoumaru picked up a long, extendable arm, "So, this is the puppet that killed the Creep Twins?" Kankurou nodded sadly, Kuroari was in bad shape, having been torn apart from inside by Sasuke in Cursed Seal form. "Yeah, this happened once before, all of my puppets were destroyed by Sasori, jan." "Sasori? The puppeteer Sasori? Why would he do that?" Kankurou shook his head, "Akatsuki sent Sasori and Deidara to capture Gaara and bring him back so that they could extract Shukaku. Sasori held me off while Deidara escaped with Gaara. He destroyed all of my puppets and poisoned me, I nearly died, jan." "That was when Sakura treated you, right? She told me something about that." "Yeah, she saved my life, and the others saved Gaara. I rebuilt my puppets and got on with my life... Did Sakura tell you who defeated Sasori?" "No." Kankurou smiled, "Just like her. Sakura and Chiyo killed Sasori, Sakura fought him off, with Chiyo manipulating her as a living puppet, jan." "Sakura..._ Killed_ someone?" "No, Chiyo used Sasori's own puppets of his parents to kill him, Sakura held him off and protected Chiyo and everyone else, jan." Kidoumaru smiled, _Thank God, I'd hate for her to have to know what it feels like to kill someone._ "His puppets of his parents?" "Yes, Sasori made puppets out of human corpses, including his own body and our former Kazekage. His parents died when he was a kid, and he couldn't handle it... Jan. So he made them 'alive' again, it's sad, really." "Your former Kazekage, you don't _mean..._" "No, not_ him_. He was half-eaten by desert ants when they found the corpse, this was a previous Kazekage." Kidoumaru sighed with relief and began placing the pieces of Kuroari next to their matching parts. "Don't worry, I learned all about fixing puppets from Maki." The puppeteer looked up at the Spider-Nin, "Thank you for offering to help." "It's the least I could do, in a way, it's my fault. I suggested using Kuroari to try to catch Sasuke..." "It was a good idea, if it had been an enemy, we would have won. But we couldn't kill Sasuke, so he had time to escape, jan." Kidoumaru nodded, "Fighting without the objective of killing is incredibly hard, having to hold back..." "Yeah."

To Be Continued . . .


	94. Chapter 94

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 94

Kidoumaru whistled a little tune as he placed the spring mechanism within Kuroari's repaired right arm. "I never appreciated puppets in Otogakure, but seeing how they work up close, it's incredible. The skill and dedication that goes into them..." "Thanks. It's art, a real art as well as combat, jan." Kidoumaru smiled, "He's coming along nicely, eh? Tell me, I've seen six ninja puppets in my life, and, with the exception of Sanshuo, they were all humanoid. Why is that?" Kankurou shrugged, "It's easier to build and control a humanoid puppet, and they have greater range of motion, jan. These puppets were actually made by Sasori, but he left them behind when he went rogue, and I managed to get them. I can't imagine life without my puppets..." "Have you ever thought of creating a puppet in the shape of say, a spider or a wasp?" Kankurou shuddered, "No." Oh, yeah, you're..." He coughed, "Not fond of insects or arachnids." Kankurou nodded, glad he didn't use the word afraid, "Still, a flying insect, such as a wasp, would make a good puppet."

Obito put an arm around Sasuke, "So, we're going home and Obito will make some tea." Sasuke nodded quietly, he no longer felt like doing anything. "Sasuke, Tsunade told Obito that the people responsible will be punished, executed... You don't have to worry anymore about them..." "Thanks, Obito-San." Obito grinned widely, "You're welcome!" Kakashi, standing nearby, smiled at that, _Maybe the kid can change after all..._

Shikamaru and Tayuya lay next to each other on the hill. "I see why you like this place, it's quiet, no #! To bother us..." "And an unobstructed view..." He lay back, "Of the clouds." "What is it with you and clouds?" "Clouds are free, they simply drift across the sky, no responsibilities, no worries, no troubles... They're truly free." "I guess I can see that. You're pretty deep, for a lazy #!" Shikamaru smiled, "And you're pretty nice, for a Troublesome Foul-Mouthed Woman." "Thanks. You know what this needs?" "Yeah, music." Tayuya smiled, _He's readin' my #! Mind!_ She pulled out her flute and began to play, a soft, gentle song that seemed as if it had been written for just that moment. Shikamaru sat up, leaned over, and kissed Tayuya on the cheek.

"How'd you get your sword back, anyway?" Ukon nodded toward Samehada. "That's not Samehada, it's a replica. Tsunade-Sama had it made for me when I let her take the real one to trade for Shikamaru. I intend to get it back some day, but the new Samehada works just as well..." Sakon shook his head, "Can you believe that fish-faced..." He looked at the shark-featured Suigetsu worriedly, "Not that that's a bad thing... Anyway, that old freak lost, and he didn't even have the decency to fight to get his sword back, no, he takes a hostage... The coward." "Yeah, I know, I thought he had more honor than that." "He's a Missing-Nin and a S-Class Criminal, honor is not important to such men." Sai reached across the table and picked up the tea kettle, "Did you know him at all?" "No, he wasn't there when we were, he and Itachi were out the whole time, lookin' for Sasuke I guess." "Hmmm, no great loss. When we did meet Kisame, he was chasing that little puppeteer. When he saw us, in Cursed Seal form, he practically fainted. The five of us kicked his tail." Sakon sneered, "Except Tayuya, she kicked his _balls_ off..."

"Itachi?" Itachi made no move to acknowledge Kisame, which usually meant he was listening, "What about Sasuke?" Itachi simply stared straight ahead, "I have no need for his eyes anymore, I see no need to trouble him further." Kisame was stunned, _Is Itachi actually showing... Mercy?_ "You are surprised, Kisame? There is no need, Sasuke's existence is unimportant now, so why waste time and energy killing him? Now come, we have other work to be done..."

To Be Continued . . .


	95. Chapter 95

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 95

"Good morning, Sai." "Good morning, Butt-Ugly." Suigetsu looked at Sai, who merely smiled. "I think you've been hanging around with Sakon and Ukon a bit too much..." Sai looked genuinely confused, "You do not enjoy the tradition of sibling teasing?" "Uhhhhh...:" Sakon and Ukon entered the room and sat at the small table, "Everything alright guys?" "We were just discussing sibling affection." "Yeah? We know tons about that!" Suigetsu groaned, "I was afraid you'd say that!"

Naruto leaned forward and looked into Hinata's pale eyes, _She's as beautiful as a lifetime supply of free ramen!_ "N-N-Naruto? Are you alright? You l-l-l-look... Hungry?" "I was just thinking of how pretty you are..." Hinata blushed. "Y-y-y-you're pretty too... I m-m-m-mean handsome!" She giggled as Naruto blushed and ran a hand through his hair, "Thanks." Hinata suddenly lunged forward and kissed him, and he kissed back...

Uchiha Fugaku was a cold and spiteful man, bitter over his own weakness and determined to gain glory through his brilliant son. Killing him had been a pleasure. So why and how was he here, now? "Itachi, you do not deserve the name Uchiha, you are a disgrace. I thought so highly of you, and you repaid me with blood?" Itachi shrunk back, he hadn't been afraid in a long, long time, He opened his mouth to speak, but he could not. "And now you are in hell with me, and I will not allow you to go unpunished." Fugaku held up a cracked sword and swung down upon his oldest son's head. Itachi awoke with a start, shivering. His memories of hell were crystal clear, the others apparently could not remember their 'after-lives' but Itachi could not forget. His short stay in hell had been an eternity of agony. It was not physical pain, that he could endure, it was mental anguish, it was his father's cruel face and hateful voice that tormented him. He closed his eyes and lay awake for a time, trying to forget... "Itachi?" Kisame looked over at the Uchiha, "Are you alright?" "Do you remember anything about the after-life, Kisame?" Kisame shook his head, "As far as I know, we weren't even really dead." "Oh yes, we were dead, Kisame. I remember it clearly."

"It?" "Hell." Itachi simply stared impassively ahead. Kisame shuddered at the thought, "Well, at least we're out now. I guess they couldn't hold us, eh?" Itachi made no reply.

The crowd gathered outside of Uchiha Obito's home was not there to welcome him back to Konohagakure, they wanted Sasuke. The destruction of part of the Hokage Monument had angered much of the village, to say the least... Hatake Kakashi stepped outside and faced the crowd. "Do you think there are enough of you for one boy?" "Hand him over, Kakashi..." Kakashi raised his eyebrow, "And let you trash beat him to death? Over your dead bodies." "You think you can stop us, Kakashi? You're just one man, even with the Sharingan, and Obito isn't worth..." Bad move... Kakashi broke the man's jaw before he could even finish his sentence, then a good fifty Kakashis let loose upon the mob, which was soon reduced to a moaning pile of half-conscious bodies. "If I were you, I'd learn to respect your superiors. Uchiha Obito is a finer man than all of you trash put together!" Kakashi turned and walked back into the house.

Tayuya stepped from the dressing room wearing a dark red shirt and blue jeans,_ If Jirobou comes in and sees this, I'll die!_ "Very nice, the colors really work on you." Ino gushed as Sakura rushed over with a pair of red pumps, "Try these on!" Tayuya eyed the shoes warily, "Yeah, they're too girlie!" "But you are a girl, Tayuya!" "Well, boys have better taste... They don't need all the fancy, frilly stuff, except #! Girlie-boys like Sasuke or Kimimaro." Ino shook her head, "You poor, poor girl... You've been so screwed up by living in an all-boy environment. We have to help her, Sakura!" Sakura nodded, "It's our duty as females to help Tayuya discover how to be feminine!" Tayuya shook a fist, "I'll #! Show you #! Feminine!" Sakura smiled, "You don't have to be feminine all the time, but it's good to be prepared for special occasions..." Tayuya sighed and looked into the mirror, "I sure hope Shikamaru appreciates this." _It really doesn't look too bad, even though the shoes hurt like #!_

Hidan's metal spider-body scrambled desperately over the ruins of the Hidden Temple of Jashin, "He was telling the #! Truth! That inbred #! Was telling the truth!" His voice was frantic and enraged, "That #! They #! Killed my god!" Kakuzu was skeptical, "They killed Jashin?" Kakuzu had always believed that Jashin was just made up, and still had trouble believing he might have been real. "ZAKU! That #! Killed Jashin-Sama!" Kakuzu barely managed to hold in a laugh, even he wasn't about to anger the Jashinist further, "Zaku? Abumi Zaku? You must be wrong about that..." Hidan scrambled over to Eiichiro's grave, "I should have #! been here to help my god." "You shouldn't have to 'help' your god, a god should be able to take care of himself." Hidan glared at the man, but said nothing. A cold rage began to burn in his red eyes, "That #! Inbred Nara brat kept me from being here to help. He #! Destroyed my #! Body! This was his #! Payback for my sending his precious #! Sensei to hell... He'd better #! enjoy it while he can... He'll #! Pay for this!" "Just leave him be, Hidan. Every time you fight him, you end up in pieces, just forget the kid." "FORGET!? Forget what he #! did to me, to Jashin-Sama!? NEVER!" Kakuzu just shook his head,_ I wonder what he'll do when he finds out that the Nara boy is dating his apprentice..._

Kidoumaru watched the kids practice,_ Just because school's out is no excuse for letting your training slip..._ He turned back to his archery class, "Okay, brats, ya' wanna' be master archers, then lets get started." He looked around, "Who's first?" Tonbo stepped forward, "I'm up." He watched as Tonbo steadied his bow and took aim at the target dummy several hundred feet away, then let fly, striking the dummy between the 'eyes', "Nice! A kill shot, you're really getting the hang of this." He walked over and pulled the arrow out, "Accuracy, one-hundred percent." "Hiro?" Hiro stepped forward and took aim, squinting and sending the arrow out, but missed by several inches, Kidoumaru resisted saying anything, the boy had bad eyesight. "Hold on..." Kidoumaru walked over and put his hand on the target, sending a small amount of his Chakra into the dummy, "Now, aim by tracing my Chakra. Not at me, of course." Everyone laughed and Hiro closed his eyes, took aim, and released, hitting the dummy in the right 'eye'. "That's much better, much better. You should have a far better time with a live target. Kidoumaru sighed and picked up a small target, then moved to the far end of the field as a curious crowd of students began to gather. "Kidoumaru, are you crazy?" "No, Iruka-Sensei. I can't just have him give up." "I can't do it." Hiro lowered his bow. "You can do it, Hiro, just trace my Chakra and find the target." Hiro let fly, and the arrow struck the target Kidoumaru was holding dead center. Hiro wrenched his eyes open, "Perfect. You have good aim, you just need to rely more on your Chakra sensing than on your eyesight. You don't need to have perfect vision to be a ninja, I've even heard of _blind_ ninja. I'll ask Tobitake-Sensei, or maybe even Kotaro-Sensei, to show you some tricks." "Yes, sir." Hiro bowed slightly. Kidoumaru looked over his students with pride, soon they'd be leaving, and a new class of Genin would need to be trained. He was confident these kids could take care of themselves now, after all, they were trained to be ready for anything, even an opponent with a Cursed Seal and transformation ability.

Kotaro of the Wasps had been born without eyes, just smooth skin and bone in place of the sockets. He also had millions of eyes, the insects that dwelt within him saw the world for him, he saw through their eyes. His clan, like the rival Aburame clan, lived in harmony with symbiotic insect colonies within their bodies, unlike the Aburame Kikai, however, they used special wasps. They flying insects swarmed around and within the blind ninja, a constant, buzzing cloud that kept most of the curious at bay. If necessary they could swarm an enemy, stinging and biting venomously until the victim was dead. Kotaro noted the Suna-Nin who shared his name and Kankurou were walking the opposite side of the path. The puppeteer drew back from the Insect-Nin, He's terrified of insects, Kotaro thought grimly as he passed by, nodding politely. He maneuvered his swarm a bit to avoid further frightening the ambassador for Sunagakure, and walked on.

"Who was that?" Kotaro the Summoner asked quietly. "His name is Kotaro, Kotaro of the Wasps, his clan is like the Aburame clan, they have swarms of insects living inside them, jan..." Kankurou shuddered at the thought of serving as host for a swarm of teeming insects.

To Be Continued . . .


	96. Chapter 96

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 96

"This #! Spider needs some #! Fangs!" Hidan was ranting again. His new, robotic body had no built in weapons, both because Kakuzu didn't expect Hidan to enter battle and that he was too cheap to buy them. "I didn't risk my hide busting you out of prison so that you could run right back in!" Kakuzu was angry, Hidan still wanted revenge on the Nara boy for destroying his body. Shikamaru, meanwhile, wanted revenge on Hidan for killing his beloved Sensei right in front of him... "I can't let him get away with it! The little #! Is gonna' be #! When I #! Find him!"

"You must be so proud of your students, Kidoumaru." Yoshino smiled gently over her coffee at the Spider-Nin. "Yes ma'am, they're a great bunch of kids, but I'm not the only instructor at the Academy." "So, are you ready for the next class of Genin?" Shikato asked, picking at his breakfast. "I'm looking forward to it. The school is thinking of teaming Shikamaru and myself up, he'll teach strategy and I'll teach field combat." "Yeah, not to mention wilderness survival, first aid and combat technique." Shikamaru stumbled into the room, rubbing his weary eyes, "He could do both himself, but they didn't want him to wear himself out. Lucky dog, people actually _don't_ want you to do hard work!" "I couldn't do it all alone, Shika. It takes the whole team to win, not just one player. I may be a good strategist, but I don't have the patience for sitting in a chair teaching brats how to think. You do." "Yes, we're proud of you too, Shikamaru." Shikamaru grunted at the comment and yawned, _It's too early to be up!_ "Thanks... Any word on Hidan?" Shikato shook his head, "There was a weird report this morning, someone in Takigakure reported seeing Kakuzu and Hidan, but he said Hidan's head was in the body of a mechanical spider..." Shikamaru shuddered, "Don't worry, bro. Takigakure's a long way away. And if that guy is stupid enough to try to come back to Konoha, it'll be his last mistake." Yoshino set a plate of eggs in front of Shikamaru, who just picked at them, "I almost hope he _does_ come back. I can't let him get away with killing Asuma-Sensei... But if he does come back, he could put everyone in danger. I guess it's just selfish of me." "You want revenge for Asuma, that's understandable, that's human nature. Anyone would feel as you do, in this kind of situation." Shikato was making sense again... It was scary...

"Hey, Sai!" Kiba rushed to catch up with the ANBU. "Yes, Mutt?" Kiba let his nickname slide, "I hear you have those two freaks living with you. Is that true?" Sai looked down at the Inuzuka, "If by 'two freaks' you mean Sakon and Ukon, then yes." Kiba's lip trembled slightly, "You don't know what kind of monsters they are! They can't be trusted!" "I intend to help rehabilitate them." Kiba stared in disbelief, "Rehabilitate?" "Yes. I understand that you suffered terrible trauma at their hands, but that was a time of war. We are at peace now." Sai put a hand on Kiba's shoulder, "A few days ago Sakon was speaking about how wrong it had been to hurt you. Ukon disagreed, but still, it is a start. You needn't worry about them, they are my responsibility now, if they attempt to harm you, or anyone without do cause, I will kill them myself." Kiba nodded, "Thanks." _Sakon, feeling remorse for hurting Akamaru and me? Is that even possible? Sai wouldn't lie, would he?_

"So, Itachi, do you want to... You know, finish what you started?" "You misunderstand me, Kisame. I did not kill my clan because I hated them, though I did hate many of them, I killed them because I had to." Kisame could almost swear he felt a hint of emotion in Itachi's voice, "I have no reason to harm Obito, and Sasuke no longer interests me." "Then what will you do now?" "I don't know, but does one ever know where life will take them?" Kisame grinned, "Well, let's go find out what's in store for us."

Kidoumaru sat in a tree, watching the Pre-Genin practice their simple little jutsu. _So, this is the next class...I'll have to ask Iruka for his observations on their potential..._ "Scouting out prospects?" Kidoumaru turned slightly to look at Obito crouching on a nearby branch, "Yes. Some of them already have skill, they just need fine-tuning." Obito nodded, "But just because a kid doesn't seem to have potential, that doesn't mean they don't have potential." "True. Like I told that Gin fool, a poor teacher blames his students. Some of these kids have obvious potential, others have hidden talents. I hear _you_ came into the game a bit late, but you came in with a bang." Obito smiled, "Yeah, Obito was always the failure, the 'Useless Uchiha'..." "You're the only Uchiha I respect, and Kakashi, he really admires you, you made him into the ninja he is today." Obito laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "A _pervert_ ninja?" "Nah, that was Jiraiya's fault..." They both laughed, "Hey, how's Sasuke doing?" "He's doing better now, he's being nice!" Kidoumaru nearly fell out of the tree, "Sasuke being nice!?" He jumped to the ground, followed by Obito, "That's like Sai being overemotional" He looked toward the defaced Hokage Monument, "I bet people are angry..." "Yeah, but it's going away, now that everything came out about the..." Obito swallowed hard, "Yeah, I'd hope so. I was ready to kill Sasuke when he did that to Sakura, Ino and me, but now I feel kind of sorry for him. I've done terrible things too, I can't judge him too hard..." "Sasuke is a good boy, he's just crazy. How's Shikamaru doing?" Kidoumaru sighed, "He's upset about Hidan escaping, I can't blame him... Asuma-Sensei was like a father to him, and Hidan can't seem, at least in Shikamaru's mind, to be brought to justice, whatever happens, he's still alive, and Asuma-Sensei is still dead..." Kidoumaru looked beyond Obito and waved, "Obito?" Obito turned to see a beautiful woman with two Inuzuka-like tattoos on her cheeks. "Rin?"

To Be Continued . . .


	97. Chapter 97

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 97

Obito threw himself onto Rin, hugging her tightly and sobbing, Rin began to cry as well, "God, Rin... Oh God..." "Obito... How... It's true... How?" Kidoumaru stood staring, _Rin? As in, Obito's old teammate?_ "I'll get Kakashi, stay here!" Kidoumaru ran to find Kakashi as Rin and Obito tried to talk... Kakashi and Kidoumaru teleported onto the training field a few hundred feet from Obito and Rin. Kakashi stood stock still for a moment, staring at the unbelievable reunion before him. Rin turned, saw him and rushed over, smothering the Copy-Nin in a strong bear hug, "R-Rin..." Kakashi gently wrapped his arms around her, "I never thought I'd see you again..." "I'm sorry, Kakashi... After you died, Obito, I just...Couldn't take it. You died to rescue me from Iwa... It hurt so much. But when I heard that you'd been found alive, I had to come, to see for myself." She smiled, "It's a miracle!"

"Rin!?" Yoshino was understandably stunned, "Has anyone told the Inuzuka clan yet?" "Inuzuka!? She's an Inuzuka!?" "I'll go get Tsume!" Yoshino bolted out the door as Kidoumaru rushed off to get Hana...

"And Kidoumaru just happened to mention to Anko that Madara had possessed an Uchiha named Obito, he'd never even heard the name Uchiha Obito outside of that. Unfortunately, Kido was afraid that we wanted to harm his friend 'Tobi', and was reluctant to talk, the kid's very loyal to his friends... Once we convinced him that we wanted to save Obito, he told us where to find him... When we did find him, he'd already killed Madara and freed himself!" Kakashi slapped Obito on the back, "He's one tough #! Neither rock slides nor demons can kill our Obito!" "Well, I guess I have to thank this Kidoumaru..." Obito looked around, "He's gone... But he was with Obito a few minutes ago..." "That dark kid with you?" Rin honestly hadn't really looked at the boy, all she'd noticed was a boy with dark skin talking to Obito, her focus had understandably been on her long-lost friend. "Yeah, he's about 5' 7", dark skin, black hair, six arms..." "SIX ARMS!?" Said six-armed ninja stepped through the door of the Tea House, followed by a ninja puppeteer and... _Is that Hana?_ A few seconds later the entire Inuzuka clan descended upon the small Tea House.

"And then I stayed in Takigakure for a while... I heard about the Kyuubi attack during that time. I also heard about Minato-Sensei... It was just too painful to go back and face so much death again..." Rin shook her head sadly, "I just couldn't bear it anymore." "Obito forced himself to forget all of his pain and become Tobi." Rin looked at Obito with poorly disguised pity, _My god, and I thought I'd suffered... How could he still be alive after all of that. I saw the rocks fall on him_,_ I saw him buried, Oh God, if I'd known he was alive, I would never have left him!_ She studied his face, half of his face still held that Uchiha beauty, the other half was horribly twisted and maimed, the one missing eye... She'd removed that eye herself, at his request, his dying gift to Kakashi. She reached out and stroked the unscarred side of his face, "Obito, God if we'd only known..." "Obito knows. But it couldn't be helped." He reached up and covered her hand with his own. "Rin, you're still the prettiest girl I know." _I?_ "And you're still the biggest knucklehead..."

Kidoumaru looked around desperately for an escape path, but he was crowded in on all sides, suddenly a pair of strong hands lifted him out of the crowd and into the rafters. "Kankurou, thanks, I thought I was going to be crushed." "Let's talk somewhere safer, jan." The boys clambered over the crowded room and slipped out of a window, "Who knew there were so many Inuzuka clan members!" They lept away over the treetops, avoiding the massive crowd, "What about Hana?" "She doesn't need me here, jan. I'll see her later." "WHAT THE #! IS GOIN' ON HERE?" Tayuya sat safely on a nearby roof, Shikamaru beside her. "Inuzuka Rin came home, she's been missing for years..." Kidoumaru and Kankurou lept onto the roof. "So it's a #! Family reunion? #! Perfect!" Sakura landed beside Kidoumaru, "There you are." She kissed him on the cheek, "So, what's all the excitement about?"

Tayuya crouched in the bushes outside the men's area of the hot springs, trying to peek in through the loose boards,_ C'mon Shikamaru, where the #! are you!?_ So far it was pretty dull, you'd think somebody would be there... "What are you doing, Tayuya?" Tayuya jumped a good five feet, then turned, clutching at her heart, "Are you #! Trying to kill me?" Kidoumaru waved a finger at her, "Bad Tayuya. You are a pervert, aren't you?" Tayuya sneered, "What are you doing here? Looking for a boyfriend?" "I'm straight and proud of it. _Straight Pride!_" He punched into the air for emphasis. "Yeah, right, Spider-#!..." Kidoumaru sighed, "I saw you, for a ninja you're very conspicuous..." "At least I don't have _six_ #! Arms!" Tayuya heard someone coming and peeked back into the springs. "Tayuya! Stop it!" She watched as a figure came into view, _Wait, oh God no!_ Tayuya turned and vomited at Kidoumaru's feet. "Ugh..." She clawed at her eyes, "Oh God I just saw _Jirobou_ naked!" Jirobou turned towards the wall as Kidoumaru's laughter boomed through the thin wood. "What the..." Shikamaru walked into the room and slid into the water, "Something wrong?" "I could swear I heard Kidoumaru laughing..." Kidoumaru watched as Tayuya ran off in horror, _Serves her right._

By the time Kidoumaru got inside, Naruto, Kankurou and Lee had arrived, He removed his towel, revealing deep red swimming trunks, "Hiding something, Kidoumaru?" The Spider-Nin laughed, "I'd just hate to drive you crazy with envy, Dickless." "I'm so sick of people saying that! I do have a dick!" Naruto stood up to illustrate the point... "Woah, Nature-Boy, we didn't need to see that! I just don't like people staring at my treasure, you got a problem with that?" "I guess if I'd lived with Orochimaru, I'd be shy too, jan." Kidoumaru lowered himself slowly into the water, "That water feels good." "Kidoumaru, were you laughing earlier?" Kidoumaru looked at Jirobou, _Better for me to break it to him than for him to hear it from her..._ "I... I'm sorry, I tried to stop her..." "Stop who?" "Tayuya... She wanted to catch Shikamaru in the hot springs, and she peeked in and... Saw you." Jirobou turned bright red and everyone else sank lower into the water, "She's gone! And I webbed up the spot so she couldn't peek anymore..."

Jirobo jumped out of the water and wrapped his towel around himself quickly, "Jirobou! I'm really sorry!" "Yeah, that's why you were_ laughing_." "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at Tayuya..." Jirobou went to get dressed, not bothering to reply... "I think I'll go too, jan." Kankurou stepped out of the spring nervously, grabbed a towel, and followed Jirobou out, then Shikamaru. Only Lee and Naruto remained, "Well, so much for relaxing conversation." Naruto laughed weakly. Kidoumaru groaned and put his face in his palms. _I hate hot springs..._

To Be Continued . . .


	98. Chapter 98

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 98

Kidoumaru stuck his head into Jirobou's apartment room, "Jirobo?" "What do you want?" "I wanted to apologize. I could have broken it to you better, I was just worried you'd hear it from her first." Jirobou turned to look at the Spider-Nin with puffy red eyes, "I know. I'm not angry at you, if I were, I'd have eaten all of your Chakra by now." Kidoumaru gave a cheesy grin, "Is that why I feel so tired?" He laughed humorlessly. "I know you're embarrassed, I would be horrified if it was me..." Jirobou sighed, "Why is she such a... Whatever she is?" "An evil, perverted little monster? I don't know either, I have a theory, though. I think it comes from being pretty much the only girl around a bunch of psychotic guys. She made herself over-the-top tough so we wouldn't look down on her for being a girl, or worse. You know what happened to weak people in Orochimaru's organization, and being a girl at that..." Jirobou lay back on his couch, "Yeah, Orochimaru might not have gone for that, but I bet a lot of his men would have taken advantage of her if they weren't afraid of her. She is a tough girl."

Sasuke sat on the couch with Bang, watching Obito, Kakashi and Rin. He knew the story behind their separation and reunion, a tragic and twisted tale of love and death and loss. Parts of that story were inseparably tied to his own, the Uchiha massacre, Kakashi's unique and often annoying teaching techniques... In fact, most of the defining moments of his life revolved around Obito, Kakashi and the influence their team had upon each other. He could see something in Obito's eye as he talked to Rin, a sparkle that wasn't there before, and Kakashi was almost deliriously happy at being reunited with his long lost friends. It was infectious, the pure joy of the situation, even Sasuke, try as he might to remain the ever stoic Uchiha, couldn't help but feel twinges of joy for the trio.

Kotaro of the Wasps sat in the Lotus position, listening to Kidoumaru over the buzzing of his symbiotic swarm, "I am blind, true, but I see through the eyes of my swarm. I_ cheat_, without the sight given me by my swarm I would be far less efficient. I am trained to operate totally without sight, but I'm afraid I have not done so in years. I am not certain I could be a proper teacher for one like Hiro." Kidoumaru shrugged, "He's not blind, just very, very nearsighted. So far we haven't found a prescription of glasses able to help his specific problem, though surgery might work... Anyway, he can feel with his Chakra, he gets around underground in total darkness, but above ground he insists on trying to rely on his eyes..." "He won't accept his limitations?" "He's the best of the group, in fact, he's one of the best in Konoha, and he doesn't want to admit he needs help" Kotaro smiled, "All right, I'll talk to him."

Hidan stretched his spider-like mechanical body out across the limb, and stared out over the village of Konoha._ I'm #! Coming for your #!, Nara Shikamaru!_ He crawled through the high grass across the field and skittered toward the wall. He lifted his front legs to grasp hold and climb, then stopped. He looked over toward the perfect avenue for his first act of vengeance, the cemetery. He smiled, _You'll wish you'd never been born, Nara... _ The cold metal limbs scrambled over graves, searching for the right one. Suddenly, Hidan saw what he was looking for. _Asuma Sarutobi._ The Jashinist began to dig...

Shikamaru awoke in a cold sweat, his heart pounding inside of his chest. _Something's wrong._ He pulled himself out of bed and tried to calm himself. A terrible thought popped into his head, and he slipped on jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers, grabbed a weapons pouch, then opened his bedroom window and climbed out.

Hidan paused, he could hear his metal limbs striking something hard, then excitedly began to brush away the dirt, revealing a section of dark brown, wooden coffin. He began clawing at the wood, tearing away . And then he felt it, killer intent worthy of Jashin himself. He grinned and turned, "Nara... Just who I hoped to see..." Shikamaru's right foot struck the priest in the jaw, propelling him backward against the grave wall. Shikamaru's eyes were narrowed in unspeakable hate and rage. Shikamaru used a jutsu to force Hidan out Asuma's grave and kicked him again, barely noticing as several teeth flew from his enemy's mouth. "You #! Brat! I'll..." Shikamaru punched him, sending him crashing into a tombstone.

Kidoumaru crouched in the darkness, watching in awe and disgust as the battle took place. He was poised to strike, but Shikamaru obviously needed no help. When his adoptive brother had snuck out, the light sleeper had followed him, only to find this...

Hidan lunged, mechanical limbs spread wide, hoping to crush the boy in his powerful grip, but Shikamaru deftly stepped aside and grabbed Hidan's hair, wrenching him back and flinging him across the cemetery. Hidan landed in a heap, then sprang back, using his sharp limbs as daggers, flailing wildly. Shikamaru lept back, barely dodging the attack. Hidan howled in rage, "Why the #! Won't you #! Say something?!" Shikamaru replied by hurling a senbon into the joint of Hidan's right front leg, causing him to stumble even as another struck his second right leg in the same manner, then the third. Hidan cursed as he lost control of the right side of his mechanical body, the remaining right leg couldn't support his weight. He scrambled desperately with his functional limbs, but was only going in a jerking circle. Shikamaru tensed and swirled as he heard someone behind him. "Whoa! It's just me!" Kidoumaru raised all six hands, he looked toward Hidan, "Man that's gross!" Hidan began cursing the Spider-Nin and his family vehemently. "Shikamaru, are you alright?" "Yeah..." His reply was soft, but the anger was evident, "You go get the ANBU... I want to spend a little time with this #! Trash... _Alone_." Kidoumaru nodded and rushed off, as Shikamaru turned back toward Hidan, "What are you gonna #! Do, #! Hurt me? Oh I'm so #! afraid!" Hidan started laughing maniacally as Shikamaru drew two kunai from his pouch, "You #! Think I'm afraid of you!? I'll be spitting on your #! grand-children's graves!" Shikamaru looked at Hidan with cold, merciless eyes, "Maybe, but you wont see it. You wont see anything..." Shikamaru knelt in front of the head, "If it was just me, I could forgive you, but to desecrate Asuma's grave... That can never be forgiven. It ends now." He raised the kunai like daggers, "Mine is the last face you'll ever see." Shikamaru plunged the kunai down, and Hidan screamed in agony and horror. Hidan was still screaming when the ANBU arrived, and kept on screaming non-stop for months after...

To Be Continued . . .


	99. Chapter 99

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 99

Shikamaru knelt beside Asuma's grave, simply staring at the upturned earth. _Was it you? Did you warn me? I had to do it, Sensei. Even without his body, that animal was still dangerous..._ Kidoumaru stood back, watching quietly, he didn't want to disturb Shikamaru's thoughts. "Kidoumaru?" He turned to face Tayuya, "Yeah?" "Is he... How's he doing?" "It's hard for him. Shikamaru is a ninja, but he's too kind, I don't think he's ever even killed someone. He's meant to be a desk jockey, not a frontline blood-and-guts grunt like us. Blinding someone for eternity, no matter how terrible that person was, it's just not something he'll be able to sleep easy with." He looked Tayuya in the eye, "Like I said, he needs a strong woman to take care of him. But right now, he just needs to be alone." "I'll... Is it, alright if I wait here?" Kidoumaru smiled, "He'd rather you wait, so he doesn't have to walk his lazy butt around town searching for you." "Did you here? The Hokage has assigned us families. Yeah, I'm stuck with some #! Old lady..." "It's better than where you came from." "I'm not #! Ungrateful I just like to say #!" Kidoumaru laughed, "I know. What about the others?" "Well, the Creep Twins are stayin' with Sai, Dosu's staying with that Ino chick's family, and Jirobou's staying with that fat-#! Who killed him... Whole #! World's gone crazy!" "The whole world's been crazy since the first people arrived."

Shikamaru stood up and looked down sadly at his Sensei's grave, then turned toward the two former Oto-Nin. "Hey, there's something you need to see." Tayuya and Kidoumaru looked at each other, then followed Shikamaru deeper into the cemetery. "This is our family plot." Shikamaru motioned toward a row of headstones, then walked over to a new stone. _Nara Kidoumaru. _ "I know it's creepy, but they decided to give your 'originals' decent burials. The others are over there by Zaku, Dosu and Kin." Tayuya shuddered, "I'll pass... I don't want to see my name on a tombstone." Kidoumaru crouched in front of his headstone, "My God, I'm really buried here... I standing above my own grave, with my own body inside..." Shikamaru took a deep breath, "No, that's just a shell now, you're alive, here, now... Not down there."

"I don't see any signs of recurrence, still, you'll need to have regular check-ups... Everyone should have regular check-ups. And contact me if you start having persistent headaches again." Dr. Masuda turned from the X-rays to where Sakon and Ukon sat. "We will, neither of us wants to go through that again." "Fascinating..." The doctor turned to see Sai examining the X-rays, "Sai, you're not supposed to look at patients' confidential records!" "Then why are they displayed?" "It's alright, doc. He's just curious about how two people can be so _perfect_." "Actually, I am curious about your internal anatomy and how you are able to merge your skeletal structures. And, Ukon, how are you able to emerge_ fully clothed _from Sakon's body?"

"I honestly don't know what to do with him. How do you force a severed head to talk? Anko is stumped." Tsunade looked over her desk at Kankurou, "Besides all he has left we could take are his tongue and ears, and he can't listen and answer questions without those." Kankurou sat back with his hands steepled under his chin, "Just our luck. Any news of Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame or Zetsu, jan?" She shook her head, "Apparently Hidan and Kakuzu split up after Hidan decided to get revenge, Kakuzu may be a greedy, evil #!, but he's not stupid enough to challenge an enemy in his own village. Itachi and Kisame were seen in Kiri, but we can't reach them there... As for Zetsu, there hasn't been any word at all, but, from what Obito told us, Zetsu doesn't have much to do with anyone else and stays in the wilderness most of the time." She held her sake bottle under the desk tightly, wondering how the puppeteer would react if she started drinking during their meeting, "Has Gaara-Sama said anything about the situation in Iwagakure or Amegakure?" "Well, we've sent an ambassador to Amegakure, and, from what I've heard negotiations are going well. As for Iwagakure, Deidara has been making overtures, but we're not sure we can trust him, jan... Not after what he did to Gaara." "From what I understand, Deidara wasn't in Akatsuki by choice, and... Don't look at me like that! I'm not defending him, he's a twisted little murdering terrorist, he just prefers to kill for his own reasons, and hates being ordered around. He's also sent ambassadors here, but the negotiations aren't going well, some of the council don't trust him, I don't blame them too much..." Kankurou sighed loudly and took off his hat, running a hand idly through his hair, "I think Gaara would be willing to work with him for the good of our village, but I don't know if I can forgive him for what he did, jan." "It's hard... I lost my little brother in the war, he was barely eleven...They didn't just kill him, they _butchered_ him." He eyes fell and a look of agony crossed her face, " For a long time after that, I hated anyone who wore the symbol of Iwagakure, and, sometimes I still feel the rage, wondering if I'm looking at the monster who killed Nawaki..." Kankurou shuddered, _I never knew that, at least I got Gaara back...._ "I'm sorry, Tsunade-Sama." He felt a bit guilty, he'd gotten his brother back, but she'd never see her's again, at least, not in the land of the living... Tsunade gave up and pulled out the sake, taking a deep swig, "That's alright, you have nothing to apologize for. We all suffer loss in our lives, I have, you have, everyone has." She took another swig, "Now, let's get back to business, shall we? Where were we...? Oh, yes, sharing information on Akatsuki and other threats, you've been given the statements of the Oto kids, right?"

Shikamaru and Tayuya sat quietly on the roof of the Nara home, looking out over the village, which was bathed in the golden glow of sunset. Tayuya leaned into the Lazy-Nin's chest, "Shikamaru? You didn't have a choice, you know. Hidan would a' kept coming back, probably #! Tortured and killed some poor #!, maybe even us." Shikamaru put an arm around her and looked down into her eyes sadly, 'I know. If I didn't, I would never have done it... I hope not, anyway. I was so angry, if I could have tortured him, I would have... I guess I did, didn't I?" "You stopped him, that's what matters, it's not like you picked some poor #! Off the street and did that, you were defending yourself, your friends..." Shikamaru leaned forward, cupped his hand under Tayuya's chin, and kissed her. "Thanks. Maybe you're not so troublesome after all..."

To Be Continued . . .


	100. Chapter 100

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 100

The Otogakure Six sat around the table at The Barbeque Rack, discussing recent occurrences and matters of great interest. "So, #! Fat-#!, how #!_ Big_ is Shikamaru?" "Tayuya! That's a very inappropriate question!" Jirobou protested, shrinking back from Tayuya's scalding glare. Sakon smirked, "I don't know, but Kidoumaru is big! Not as big as me, of course... Sakon and me woke up first, remember?" Kidoumaru sunk into his chair, _This is not happening!_ "Really..." Tayuya grinned evilly, then faltered, "Wait, if you #! Two #! Woke up first, then..." Sakon grinned lecherously, "Yeah, you're actually kind of hot, Tayuya." The twins ducked to avoid a flying platter, which struck the man sitting at the table behind them. "What the hell!" Genma jumped up, covered in baked beans, "Hey, didn't we fight that guy...?" "Yeah," Kidoumaru bowed nervously, "Hi, Genma-Sensei! Sorry about that!" Genma struggled to hold his temper in check, "Yeah, me too." "Apologize, Tayuya!" Kidoumaru nudged the Kunoichi, "All right, all right I'm #! Sorry... It's #! bad to waste food..." Jirobou slapped his forehead with his palm as Genma glared, "Yes, yes it is. So's this." Before anyone could react, Genma had poured a glass of soda over Tayuya's head. "T-T-Tayuya..." Jirobou was shaking with terror as Tayuya gave Genma a sweet, sweet smile, then threw her cola all over the front of the Jonin's pants. Genma picked up the nearest plate and dumped the contents in the girl's lap. "That was_ MY _food!" Jirobou struck the table in fury, sending food and drinks flying everywhere... Soon the air was thick with flying food.

Nara Yoshino looked up as Kidoumaru, covered in various sauces and condiments, walked in the front door. "Kidoumaru? What happened?" "Tayuya happened." He walked past her and upstairs to his room, stripped off his food-covered clothes and stepped into the shower._ I bet they'll ban us all from the restaurant for this... God, how humiliating! _He began to lather shampoo into his hair, it had a nice vanilla smell. He began to pour it all over himself to drown out the food scents, _What a mess!_ After about fifteen minutes he rinsed off, toweled off, wrapped a towel around his waist and put his dirty clothes in the hamper. He dressed quickly, then went about fixing his hair back into it's familiar shape. _Big, huh?_ He put on some cologne and walked back downstairs. " A food fight?" Shikamaru was sitting in the lazy chair. "Tayuya and Genma-Sensei got into a food fight, the rest of us got caught in the crossfire..." Kidoumaru plopped down onto the couch, "Took forever to get that junk out of my hair!" "I guess Tayuya got herself banned... How Troublesome! What set her off?" Kidoumaru squirmed a bit and blushed, "Errr... See, in those tube things where we were _grown_ or whatever... Well, we were _naked_, and The Creep Twins woke up first and took the opportunity to admire Tayuya. She didn't appreciate it." Shikamaru closed his eyes and lay back, "I don't blame them." "Man, every time you talk about Tayuya like that I get chills! I mean, she's pretty, but I've always seen her like my evil stepsister or something..." Shikamaru gave his trademark smirk, "Does that make you _Cinderella_?"

Sai raised his left eyebrow, "Why are you two covered in food?" Sakon and Ukon stomped off towards the bathroom, "That #! Tayuya started a #! Food fight!" Ukon growled, but Sakon laughed, "They were going to make her clean up the mess, but they didn't want her around!" "I think I understand why. She is very poorly mannered and has severe problems controlling her anger." Suigetsu began laughing loudly as he nearly bumped into the pair in the hallway, "What the hell happened to you guys!?" The Twins just growled and pushed past him. "Tayuya started a 'food fight' at the Barbeque Rack." Suigetsu pictured the scene in his head, with Tayuya hurling plates full of food at any unfortunate within range, and fell to the ground, laughing.

Tayuya posed in front of her mirror, it was a new experience for her. The Kunoichi had never pictured herself as feminine, or even pretty, and had certainly never dressed to impress before. But now, with help from Ino and Sakura,

she was 'trendy'. The colorful shirt revealed that, despite Shikamaru's earlier observations, she was _not_ flat. The blue jeans were snug and revealed a shapely form beneath, the shoes were both practical and comfortable... And it wasn't a dress or some equally horrible feminine nightmare. There was a knock at the bedroom door, "Tayuya, Shikamaru just arrived." Tayuya opened the door at the old woman's voice. "How do I look?" "Beautiful, but you're not trying to impress me..." Tayuya walked into the living room and toward a dumbstruck Shikamaru, "Tayuya... Wow!" She smiled, "What do you think?" Shikamaru gaped for a moment, "It really suits you, not too girly, but not something Chouji or Kiba would wear either." She reached over and hooked his arm in her own, "Well, let's go show this #! Off!" "Dinner's at seven. You're welcome to eat here, Shikamaru." "Thank you, ma'am." With that Tayuya drug the lazy ninja outside.

"This is not acceptable behavior for a Jonin! This is not acceptable for a Pre-Genin!" Tsunade was torn between rage at Genma for virtually destroying half of the Barbecue Rack in a food fight and laughing at the sight of the Jonin covered from head to toe in food and cola. "That girl..." "Is a child! And even she is too old for such stupidity! I don't care who started it, it shouldn't have happened!" Genma's upper lip twitched, he so badly wanted to say something, but held his tongue. "You and that girl are going to be cleaning that restaraunt, floor to ceiling, spotless! Do you hear me?" Genma nodded, "Yes ma'am." "Good!" She gave a dismissive wave, "Now go take a shower and change, you look ridiculous!"

Tobi, Kakashi and Rin sat in the parlor of the Cute Kitsune, enjoying ice cream and each other's company. "So, did either of you hear about the big food fight at the Barbecue Rack?" Rin shook her head, "You mean that place is still open, after all these years?" "Yes. Well, it's going to be closed for a few days while Genma and Tayuya clean up their mess." "Must have been some fight!" "When Oto-Nin are involved, it's always a big fight... That's right, you haven't met Kidoumaru yet. I'll have... Wait, Obito will have to introduce you, he knows the kid a lot better than I do." Rin looked over at Obito, "I think I'd like that." Obito took a spoonful of his bubble gum flavored ice cream, "Obito would like that too..." Kakashi smiled beneath his mask, _Yes, this has possibilities... _

To be continued...


	101. Chapter 101

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 101

"Dosu, you got some mail." Ino handed the boy an envelope, "Girlfriend?" He opened it, "Zaku and Kin."

_Dosu,_

_How's it going? I heard you have a home now, that's great. Everything is fine here, Eiji doesn't cook anymore, and Me and Kin are doing good in school._ (Except in English, apparently, Dosu thought to himself) _Eiji's parents are really nice, and they can cook! I hope everything is working out alright for you. Write back and let us know._

_Abumi Zaku,_

_P.S. Kin and Eiji said hi._

Dosu laughed, "They wanted to see if I was doing alright. It's funny, back then, we were literally close to killing each other more than once, but now we're friends." "Seem more like family in some ways." Ino observed, "And I remember you tried to kill Kin when I was controlling her, you guys have changed a lot." Dosu nodded, "Yeah, Orochimaru taught us that everyone was expendable, and we believed him. What kind of a monster uses kids like that?"

"That #! Expects me to #! Clean up that #! restaraunt!" Shikamaru covered his ears, it was about to get ugly... Tayuya let out a stream of curses so foul and loud that everyone within three blocks winced and parents covered their children's ears. Iwashi shook his head and rubbed his sore ears, _Why do I always get these assignments?_

Sakura and Kidoumaru sat in the shade of a tall tree, watching as people passed by through the park. "So, five days and you're sixteen," Sakura nestled her head against Kidoumaru's chin, "Does that make me a pedophile?" "Yes." Kidoumaru laughed as Sakura jumped slightly, bumping her head against his chin. "I am not! I'm only seventeen, that's only a little older than you!" Kidoumaru kissed her on the cheek, "Tell it to the judge, babe." He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, stroking her long pink hair, "Never thought I'd like pink." Her hands found their way to his shoulders and began massaging those muscles, "I never thought I'd fall for an Oto-Nin, even one as sexy as you." "I never thought I'd meet a girl at all, much less a tough, sexy girl who actually liked me_ and_ found me attractive." "If they're stupid enough to judge you for having six arms, then they're too stupid to be allowed to breed." They both started laughing at that, "Wouldn't it get pretty lonely?" "Not if I have you."

Jirobou sat in meditation on the floor of his room, eyes closed, breathing calm and measured. Few knew that Jirobou wasn't as calm and collected as he appeared, he could get angry, very angry. So he would meditate, learning to calm himself and deal with annoyances like Tayuya peacefully, rather than simply devouring her Chakra and leaving her body in a ditch somewhere. He'd been tempted more than once to repay her abuse in kind, and then some, but that wouldn't be the thing a gentleman would do. Ah yes, manners, courtesy, dignity, all of those things Jirobou wanted and yet always seemed to lack, chiding himself more than even Tayuya for every little mistake. Again, meditation helped keep him from giving up, giving in to the undignified animal inside. He was more than a fat, Chakra-hungry murderer, no matter what anyone said, and he would prove it. One day he would be respected, and be able to respect himself.

"Hey, beautiful." The girl giggled and turned to see who was speaking, then her mouth dropped open in shock. She let out a loud scream and ran out of the Cute Kitsune. "I told you, little brother, that face of your's is just too ugly." Ukon's voice held little humor, _It's always the same reaction, just because we look different people assume we're evil monsters. Of course, we are evil monsters, but that has nothing to do with how we look._ "Yeah, well #! You, you #!" Ukon called out, giving an obscene gesture. "She can't see you brother, she's already gone." "Besides, you're not supposed to use that kind of language in here. This is a family place." The Twins spun around to see Hatake Kakashi leaning against a nearby wall, holding an _Icha Icha_ book. "I don't #! Care. These #! Think they're too good for us..." "You'll never catch a girl with that attitude." "Yeah?" Ukon sneered, "Well, I don't see a woman on your arm." Kakashi looked back at his book, "I could, I just haven't tried lately." "Suuuuure!" Kakashi ignored Sakon's skepticism, "I know a lot of girls are like that one, blind to anything but the 'Sasuke' type, but there are more than a few who aren't so closed-minded and shallow." Ukon shook his head, "The whole world's like that, Kakashi, freaks like us are destined to be alone." "Is Kidoumaru alone? I think you judge people too harshly." Ukon's eyes narrowed, "They judge us harshly, they're the problem!" "What do you care, anyway?" Sakon added. "I don't. I just thought I'd give some friendly advice." He walked over uninvited and sat across from the Twins, "But I think before you start chasing girls, you need to build up your own self-esteem." "Well thank you, Dr. Phil." Sakon whispered toward his brother, "Hey, Sai says this guy's alright, maybe he really is trying to be nice to us." "Yeah, right, you actually think these Konoha losers would help us? He's just playing a sick game..." Kakashi smiled, "Maybe, but how many other people in this village have offered to help you guys? How many friends have you made since you came here?" The Twins looked at each other, "Okay, but if this is a trick, we'll kill you." "Fair enough.."

Kankurou was happily eating a hamburger at The Super Burger fast food place a few hundred yards from the vet's office. Shiromaru sat at his feet, eating just a meat patty and Hana was nibbling away at her own burger. "Mm... Nothing like a hamburger, jan." "You can say that again." Shiromaru finished his meal, Hana laughed a bit, "You guys are easy to please, just like Kiba. Meat, meat and more meat!" "I'm a carnivore and proud of it, jan!" Shiromaru yawned loudly, "The Four Basic Food Groups; Pork, beef, chicken and fish." "How do vegetarians do it? I couldn't live off of twigs and grass and all that, jan... " "Have you ever tried a veggie burger?" Kankurou made a disgusted face, "Yuck! I hated it! What do they make those things with, anyway, Cardboard?" Shiromaru covered his face with his paws, "It's like eating meat-flavored beans, _old_ meat-flavored beans." "I'm sure they're not all awful." "Maybe, but I'm not gonna' try 'em all hoping to find a good one, jan. Give me beef!"

To be continued...


	102. Chapter 102

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 102

Tsunade sat on the hillside, looking over at the Hokage monument_. I wonder how Sasuke will react when I tell him the people want old Sarutobi's face back on the monument? I doubt he'll be amused, and I can't really blame him... Be nice if I could convince the people to put Asuma's face up there instead of his father... I wonder what Asuma would think of all this?_ She closed her eyes,_ I need to think of good news for once. Sakon and Ukon are finally making some progress, though I still don't trust them. I hope they don't influence Sai in some negative way, but that seems almost impossible, Danzo screwed that kid so bad a boulder to the head wouldn't shake him. No, he's in no danger, and his presence seems to be affecting them for the better... Let's see, Naruto and Hinata are doing well, it seems everyone's in love lately, even the Foul-Mouth-Girl and Shikamaru!_ _Kidoumaru, once again has proven the council wrong and rewarded my faith in him, kid's dead loyal, a genius and a #! Good teacher, To think, five years ago he fought against Konoha, now he's training our kids! I guess it was just Orochimaru's influence that kept these kids cruel and violent._

Kidoumaru was going to be sixteen in the morning, _sixteen_. Technically, he was twenty, but the five years he'd been didn't count. "Ready for the big sixteen?" Shikato grinned, "Yeah, I remember my sixteenth, well, up until I got drunk and passed out... That reminds me, if anyone's gonna' be drinking, it's me..." "Sure thing." Kidoumaru had no intention of becoming a drunk, "So, what did Shikamaru do when he turned sixteen?" "He pointed out how troublesome aging is and went back to bed." "I thought so." Kidoumaru laughed and went down to lunch. Yoshino was beaming, "Sixteen! We'll have to do something special." Shikato got a devilish look in is eyes, "We could hire a stripper..." Yoshino glared at her husband, "You pervert! What have I told you about corrupting our children?" "To only corrupt them when you're not around?" Shikamaru yawned, "I'm gonna' go see Tayuya, and hopefully we can go to the hill for a while." He got up and left. "It's good to see Shika so happy. After what happened with that... Lunatic, I was afraid he'd never be able to trust women again." Yoshino picked up her son's plate and set it in the sink. "Yeah, I was afraid at first when Tayuya started chasing him like that, all I ever saw was her game face, I never knew she could be romantic, or even friendly. It's actually kind of creepy." Shikato smirked, "So, how are things with Sakura?" "It's amazing. I never thought I would ever get a girl's attention. A smart, pretty and gutsy girl like Sakura could have any guy she wanted, and she wants me. It's just something I never dreamed possible..." "Well, she obviously has good taste in men." Kidoumaru stood, "I don't know about that, she used to chase Sasuke, and that's a bad choice." "No argument there..."

"Now, let's see, you're fairly... Okay looking," "_Okay_!? Just okay!?" Kakashi squinted, "I'm not about to get into detail about how another guy looks, especially an underage kid... Or kids. So, you've got looks, now, personality. Quite frankly, your personalities _suck_. You're mean, sadistic, arrogant, spiteful..." "Well don't flatter us too much, cyclops." Ukon sneered. "And disrespectful." Yamato joined in. "How'd you get Zaku's old forehead protector?" "I don't understand..." Both Yamato and Zaku wore forehead protectors that extended down beside the cheeks, though, obviously, the symbols were different. "So, well need to work on that, not many girls go for mean, arrogant #!" Sakon cocked his head at Kakashi, "Then why did so many girls chase that creep_ Sasuke_?" Yamato and Kakashi looked at each other and shrugged. "Temporary insanity?"

Sai noted the stares that usually accompanied his appearance in public, some were full of lust, others of pity, neither of which he was able to accurately reply to. So he simply ignored them and walked on. _I wonder if Danzo-Sama is still alive? There is no reason to think that he has died, after all, Karin said that he could live for twenty more years, even in this state._ He paused for a moment,_ What would my life be like had I not been taken by ROOT? Would I be a wild, passionate person like Suigetsu, Naruto, Kiba or Ino? Would I be lazy and shiftless like Shikamaru, playful and obsessive like Kidoumaru, or cruel like the Twins? Or would I simply be an average man living a 'normal' life? Perhaps I would not even be a ninja at all, perhaps I would have become an artist, using my skill with a brush rather than my skills with a blade. But it is useless to dwell on what is not, whatever would have been is not, I can never regain whatever I've lost, now I am ROOT, even outside of ROOT, I am still slave to their programming._ Sai noted an odd feeling in his chest, something that could only be described as a hollow feeling. _Suigetsu told me that it sounded like sadness, but, of course, that is impossible. I have no emotions, I can feel no sadness, joy or regret._ Having assured himself that he was incapable of emotion, Sai continued on his way, still perplexed by that odd, hollow feeling...

Suigetsu looked around, no one was watching. He was fairly certain he wasn't allowed anywhere near this particular room, and with good reason. He grinned and slipped inside, "Hello, Danzo." he said lightly, walking over to the man and punching him full force in the balls. He frowned, wondering if his paralysis made him unable to feel pain, "Hey, Danzo, Wait 'till you get to hell, I bet they've got a nice little place reserved just for scum like you." He sat on the edge of the bed, half turning to look at his stricken nemesis, "Bet you never expected to see my face again, right? Well there are far worse guys just waiting for you..." He bent over to stare at the man's rapidly blinking eyes, "Hurt? Good. There's not enough torture on earth or in hell to repay you for what you did to Sai and the others." The jovial expression vanished for a split second, and Suigetsu's blue eyes burned with boundless hatred. "Have fun." His voice was deep and shaky with rage. He smiled once more, spit in Danzo's face, and walked out.

To be continued...


	103. Chapter 103

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 103

Sixteen. Kidoumaru had never thought he'd live to see it, the life of a ninja, especially a ninja in Otogakure, was short and bloody. Only the best and luckiest ninja made it into their early thirties, Orochimaru, in his sixties, was ancient for a ninja, and he'd escaped death through means both forbidden and unholy. But he had no desire to think about the Detestable Snake, his mind was on celebration. Lots of food, lots of cola and, hopefully, lots of friends. He'd invited almost everyone he knew, everyone he knew who didn't hate him or consider him trash, that is. He walked outside toward the forest that adjoined the Nara home, this was where the family kept their deer. Food, clothing, medicine, anything that was needed a Nara could get from a deer. "So, I guess destiny has something more in store for you." "Who knows, Neji? I'm just glad to be back in the game." The Hyuuga emerged from the forest, "I take it I'm early?" "By about two hours. I hope you bought me something_ big_, considering how you _killed_ me..." Kidoumaru laughed, he held no grudge about his unfortunate demise at Neji's hands, "You win some, you lose some, right? Don't worry, I got you a consolation prize." "You'd tell me if Hiashi-Sama had sent me a _bomb_, right?" Neji smirked, "Maybe. Maybe not. After all, he is head of the Main Branch of the Hyuuga clan. You really don't trust my clan, do you?" Kidoumaru crouched on the ground, "Well, the whole '_figured out the secrets of your Blood Limit in a single game_' thing probably made you guys uncomfortable." Neji sat beside him on the grass, "Yes. Hiashi-Sama was very opposed to your life being spared, much less your presence in Konoha. However, after seeing your honorable behavior, willingness to help this village and it's people, as well as your usefulness as an instructor, he's begun to change his views." Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm honored. See, I'm not so bad once you get to know me. Sometimes I'm _worse_." He paused, "Really, though, I'm grateful, you guys could of killed me at just about any time, and probably hid me so that no one would ever have known what happened to me, not even the Hokage, but you didn't." Neji looked out toward the forest, "Yes, but that's not our way. Besides, it became clear fairly quickly that you were neither an enemy or a threat."

Sakura applied her Wild Cherry lipstick and looked over herself in the mirror, _Not bad, not bad at all._ She straightened her long pink hair, _Happy sixteenth birthday, Kidoumaru._ She sprayed some cherry scented perfume onto herself. _We're going to give you a really happy birthday..._

"Hey, loser!" Kidoumaru and Neji turned to see Zaku and Kin exiting the back door of the Nara house. "Hey, Wind-Bag, Kin. You made it!" "No thanks to Eiji, he had to _walk_ here! We lost three days getting here!" Kidoumaru laughed, "He did seem uncomfortable flying, didn't he?" Kin nodded, "Uncomfortable nothing, _terrified_!" "Well, acrophobia, or any phobia, can be a terrible thing... Did Akira and Tomoe come?" "Yeah." Kin and Neji were looking each other over, "Man, your hair really does look just like mine." Kin observed, Zaku wrapped an arm around her, "But it looks far better on you." "Do Sakura and I look like that too?" Neji smiled, "No, you look much worse. Not as bad as Kankurou and Hana though..."

Iruka was already walking to the door when he heard the knock, "Okay, I'm coming." He walked over and opened the door, "Bet you didn't expect me, eh 'Ruka?" "MIZUKI!" Mizuki grinned, "I was pardoned! I can come back anytime I want! I came here with the Eiji and his family for Kidoumaru's birthday party, but I wanted to see you first."

Kotaro the Summoner walked into the ambassador's office, "Kankurou-Sama, a message has just arrived for you." Kankurou picked his head off of his desk lazily and blinked, "Sure, bring it here, jan." He yawned and stretched as Kotaro lay the letter on the desk, bowed and left. Kankurou opened the envelope and began to read,

_To Ambassador Kankurou of Sunagakure,_

_I have news of Temari, brother. She has been released from the hospital and allowed to return home, though she still requires medication and therapy. She sends her greetings to you and Hana and asks that you convey her sincerest apologies to Shikamaru for her actions, as she was insane at the time. Baki also sends his greetings, as do I. I also wish to commend you on performing your duties in such an efficient and successful manner. It appears I made a wise choice appointing you to your post._

_Your Brother,_

_Gaara, Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure._

Kankurou smiled and stuck the letter away in his pocket, _About an hour until the party. I wonder how the Twins will react..._

"I still can't believe he invited_ me. _I hope this isn't a trap of some kind..." Sasuke was debating whether or not he should go, after all, much of Konoha now hated him with a passion and the Yamanaka clan was understandably bitter about his treatment of Ino. _Maybe it's a favor to Obito?_ He looked over at Obito, who was distracted talking to Rin, _He actually looks happy..._ Obito was always smiling or laughing, but the pain was always there, just below the surface, but now, he seemed as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders

Tsunade listened intently as the medic detailed the new injuries to appear on Danzo's body, "Yes, I have a good idea who is responsible, though I can't really say I wouldn't do the same in his situation. I'll have a guard placed on the room, and Suigetsu will not be allowed back onto this floor." "Will you speak with him?" "Of course."

Jiraiya, official ambassador of Konohagakure to Amegakure, walked down the rain swept streets, taking notes. _Yes, a tale of romance set in the lush rainforests of Amegakure!_ He stroked his chin, _A tough, handsome young teacher meets a beautiful, innocent young student who's being pursued by a evil curse, and only he can save her! Jiraiya you are a genius!_ He smirked and began writing again. "Jiraiya-Sensei." The Sannin turned to see Konan standing behind him, "Ah, Mizukage-Sama, may I help you?" She smiled, but kept out of groping range, "Please, just Konan. Intending on writing about our beautiful village?" "Of course, this place is full of stories to be told." _And bedrooms to be explored..._"I'm glad you approve , Pein and I made many improvements since we came to power." _And killed many, many people, not all of whom deserved it... _Jiraiya looked at Konan, for once looking at a woman without perverse thoughts, "It's still amazing to see you as a powerful, beautiful young woman, instead of a little girl." "Thank you. In all these years, you're still handsome as always." Jiraiya looked at his feet, "I never really forgave myself for what happened, you kids deserved much better." Konan sighed, "That was our decision, not yours, our mistake. You tried to help us, if not for you, I wouldn't have survived. You gave us a chance..."

Kiba pulled back a bit, "I should have known he'd invite_ you_." Ukon smirked, "We're not to happy to see _your_ flea-bitten #!, either, Dog-Boy." "Kiba we..." "We regret nothing! Right, Sakon? Sakon? Don't you #! Dare go soft on me!" "It was war, but we didn't have to be so cruel about it..." Ukon rolled his eyes as Kiba stood stunned, "Do you two _ladies_ want a room? What the hell's wrong with you? Did they neuter you too, Sakon!? Never apologize to the enemy!" "Ukon, some people will always hate us because we look like monsters to them, but everyone will hate us if we act like monsters." Ukon closed his eyes, "I'm going to sleep, wake me when it's time to eat." Kiba was speechless for a moment, he and Akamaru just stood there and stared. "I guess... Uhm... You know I can't just forgive you for what you did to us." Sakon shrugged, "I didn't ask you to forgive me, mutt, I just said that we were wrong." He turned and walked off into the crowd.

To be continued...


	104. Chapter 104

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 104

"Sasuke." Kidoumaru walked over to the Uchiha, "I see you made it." "I wasn't expecting to be invited. Why did you invite me?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "I figure it's time we made up. We can't just hate each other forever." Sasuke rubbed his shoulder, "Just like that?" "Yeah, just like that, life's too short a game to hold grudges. I doubt Inoichi-San will ever forgive you though." Sasuke squinted, "Thanks. You're probably the only person who will. Between Ino and the Hokage monument, the village hates me." "You're right, about Ino at least, that's going to take a long time to heal. As for the monument, everyone I know thinks you were justified." He put an arm around the taller boy's shoulder, "You still have friends, Naruto, Lee, Obito, Kakashi... Maybe one day even me." He grinned, "So, tell me how you killed that Snake..."

Tsume walked over to her son. "Kiba, what did those things say to you?" Kiba shook his head, "Sakon... He apologized, well, he admitted he was wrong." Tsume's eyes narrowed, "It's a trick, it has to be. And what did Ukon say?" "Ukon called Sakon weak and said he'd never apologize for what he did. I think Sakon was being honest." Tsume shook her head, "It doesn't matter, don't trust them, even if one is truly sorry, they're still a threat."

"Yamato-Sensei!" Yamato turned to see Sakon and Ukon approaching, "Yes?" The Twins paused, "We heard... Sai told us that you used to be one of Orochimaru's experiments. Is that true?" "Yes, it's true. It was before you were born. I was lucky, he left me when he slithered out of town." "You're lucky he didn't kill you." Yamato smiled and held out his hand, palm up. A thick wooden stake emerged from his hand, and the Twins jumped back. "Pity I didn't get to demonstrate my techniques for the Snake,_ personally_. I'd love to have torn him apart." "Get in line."Zaku walked over, "I'd like to burn him alive." Yamato looked at the boy, "From what I've heard, I don't blame you."

Kankurou walked over to Shikamaru, who was leaning against the wall with Tayuya, "Shikamaru, I... Gaara sent me a message, Temari was released from the hospital, jan." He pulled the message from his pocket, "She wanted to apologize." "Apologize!!! That #! Crazy #! After all the #! She put him through, she..." Shikamaru broke in, "She was _sick_, Tayuya, she just needed help. She's not a bad person." Before Tayuya could reply, he took the letter from Kankurou, "Sorry, Kankurou, and thanks." Kankurou nodded and walked off. "Don't #! Tell me you still have #! Feelings for that #!" "No, I'm over her, but I understand that she wasn't in her right mind, and I can't blame her for that." Tayuya shook her head, "You're too #! Nice." She smiled, "I guess that's why I #! Love your #!"

"Are you angry at me?" Sasuke turned to see Sai standing behind him, "No, you and Suigetsu did what you should have. After what I did to Ino, I guess I deserved it." Sai was, as always, expressionless. "Why did you do it?" Sasuke leaned back against the wall, "I was angry at Kidoumaru, I didn't think he deserved all the attention. I wanted to hurt him, and I didn't care who else I hurt." "Jealousy?" "Yeah." Sai cocked his head sharply, "Then why did he invite you to his party.?" "He wanted to make peace." "Why?" "Because he didn't want things to get worse. I guess he felt sorry for me." "Why?" Sasuke frowned, "Because I'm pathetic and everyone hates me." Sai gave his smile, "Oh. That was kind of him. And not _everyone_ hates you. I do not hate you, nor does Suigetsu, or Obito, and Karin has an obsessive fixation on you." "Lucky me..."

Kidoumaru and Sakura danced together as night began to fall and the crowd finally began to thin out. "Great party." "Yeah, I'm an old man by ninja standards, never really expected to see this day. I almost didn't." Kidoumaru held her close, "I liked your presents." He leaned over and kissed her on the neck. "Why were you talking to Sasuke?" "Because, I figure he's been through enough. He did something terrible, but don't we all? No need wasting our hate on him." Sakura put her head on his shoulder, "I can't forgive him that easily." "Maybe you will some day." Kidoumaru kissed her on the lips, "I love cherry..."

To be continued...


	105. Chapter 105

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 105

Kidoumaru looked through the various cards he'd received from people who hadn't been able to attend the party. Kai had, sadly, been forbidden contact with Kidoumaru by his idiot parents, Hiro was training in the forests of Otogakure, or whatever it was now called, with Kotaro of the Wasps, Maki had his duties in Amegakure, Gaara obviously couldn't come between his duties as Kazekage and caring for Temari's welfare. He yawned and put the cards away. _Time to sleep._ He stretched and lay back into bed._ I can't believe so many people actually care about me!_

The next morning,

Sai was walking down the road alone when a certain red-headed Kunoichi approached him, "Sai, can I ask you a question?" Sai smiled, "Of course, Foul-Mouthed." Tayuya ignored the nickname, "So... Have you seen Shikamaru naked?" Sai was puzzled, "Yes, at the hot springs. Why is that of interest to you?" Tayuya gave a devilish smile, "I want to know how _big_ he is." Sai held up his hands and held his index fingers a distance apart. "HOT #!" Tayuya shouted, causing several passerby to turn towards her. "Thanks, Sai!" "You're most welcome."

"Okay, boys, I've brought you some textbooks to help you out." Kakashi dropped a stack of orange books in front of the Twins, "_Icha Icha_? These are textbooks!?" Sakon eyed the books with skepticism. "Yeah, they're full of romance." Kakashi prodded. "Romance, suuuure... And realistic! How often do _you_ save big-breasted chicks from packs of zombies?" Kakashi smiled through his mask, "A lot more often than you'd think. But not all of these deal with zombies...""How will this help when the only girls we know are either taken, or think we're disgusting freaks?" "Well, Ukon, then you'll have to meet new girls." He paused for a moment, "And you definitely need to work on your attitudes."

"So, when are your birthdays?" Tomoe asked Zaku and Kin as they packed, "Well, mine's September 14th, and Kin's is..." "July 6th." "So you're older than he is?" "Yep, she's robbin' the cradle." "You need to learn to respect your elders." Kin laughed. "Wait! July 6th! We missed it!" Tomoe put an arm around Kin, "Why didn't you say something!?" "I forgot. Things have been so busy..." "That means you're fifteen now!" "So's Dosu, his birthday is June 12. You're the only one who's still fourteen, Zaku. AWWWWWW! Such a cute_ little_ boy." Kin pinched Zaku's cheek.

Kankurou watched in fascination as Kidoumaru used his six arms and Chakra strands to manipulate Karasu, he was obviously inexperienced, but the sheer agility of movement was very impressive, "Are they're any puppeteers in your clan, jan?" "Yeah," Kidoumaru was making Karasu dance, "Most of us are artists of one type or another. I haven't been back in my village for about ten years now, so I don't remember much. But there were puppeteers, though probably not _ninja_ puppeteers, just entertainers." "It must be impressive to watch. Maybe one day I can go there, jan." "Maybe, but it's a long way..." _This guy is amazing, he learns so quickly! No wonder he was able to figure out how to counter the Byakugan!_ "So, Kankurou, have you ever played any team sports? With those broad shoulders you'd make a great lineman." "No, I've always been too busy with training and fighting, the Kazekage didn't like for his kids to slack off, jan."

"Kidoumaru-Sensei." They turned to see Kai standing nearby, "I'm sorry I couldn't make the party." "Don't worry, that was your parents' decision. They just want to protect you... I got your card, it was nice." "Thanks." He looked at his feet, "I have to go before someone sees me. Good to see you again, Kankurou-Sama." He nodded toward the puppeteer, then walked quickly away. "Don't feel too bad, Kidoumaru. There are still people here who don't trust Suna-Nins either, jan." Kidoumaru nodded in agreement, "There are still ungrateful idiots here who hate Naruto and would be happy to see him dead. I don't care what trash like that think of me, I just don't like them messing with my students." He smiled, "But, there are a lot of good people here, too. Iruka-Sensei for one, most of the instructors are good people. Even Tsunade-Sama is a good person, underneath the screaming and furniture throwing." "People treat Gaara badly too, mostly the old people. Even the council disrespects him, the fools. But most of the younger people support him, and he's really popular with the girls, jan!" "It's funny, when I first came here, the girls used to chase me around... I never thought a girl would chase me, unless she was Tayuya, and out for my blood. But Sakura is tough enough to scare them off. I bet you've had that problem a lot too." "Well... A few girls would look at me, but most want Gaara.

I was surprised when Hana actually liked me back! She's incredible, jan. She's so beautiful, strong and funny." "Girls didn't chase you? In the words of Sakura, 'Where are you from, _The Village Without Eyes'_? Well, it all worked out for the best, didn't it?" Kankurou considered for a moment, _Why is he complimenting my looks? Well, at least it's not like with Sai..._ Kidoumaru arched an eyebrow, then started waving his hands frantically, "I didn't mean it like that, I swear! I'm just saying you're not a freak-show like me." Kankurou nodded, "Thanks, I know you didn't mean anything by it. You wouldn't believe what Sai said to me the other day, jan! And you're not a freak-show." "I have six arms, that's enough to turn a lot of girls off. Sai, huh? I bet I could guess what he wanted to talk about." Kankurou rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "At least it was a compliment, not like with 'Dickless'..."

To be continued...


	106. Chapter 106

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 106

"Hey, Puppet Master!" Kankurou turned to see the Twins standing nearby. "What do you two want?" Kidoumaru eyed the pair warily, they had, after all, had sworn revenge on the puppeteer. "I was wondering the same thing." "Don't you know, where _reformed _now." Something about the way Ukon said that didn't seem right. "If you two try anything, I will kill you." The Twins glared at Kidoumaru, "Seems you're nice to everyone but us." "I just want you to stay out of trouble, I don't want to see you imprisoned or executed." The Twins shook their heads, "Kankurou, remember what you said when you came to see us in the hospital? About making the most out of our second chance? You were right." Sakon swallowed hard, this was difficult, and Ukon certainly wouldn't say it. "Thanks." Everyone stood silently for a moment, the Twins rarely thanked anyone, and to thank Kankurou of all people... "You're welcome...." Kankurou didn't know what else to say. "Well, don't let it go to your head, Puppet-Boy. We still don't like you." Ukon turned to Kidoumaru, "What happened to you? You used to be almost as bad as us. You'd play with your prey just like we did with Dog-Boy. You'd kill and not think a thing about it. You weren't all nice and sweet and creepy like you are now..." Kidoumaru shook his head, "I died. That made me see the game differently. And then, coming here, meeting people who don't treat me like a freak or a pawn, I didn't have to be like that anymore. I could be nice, care about people and not be punished for it. I like life better this way." He smiled, "I think we've all changed." "I haven't gone soft!" Ukon shouted. "It's not being soft, it's being a good person. That doesn't make you weak, no matter what Orochimaru said." Ukon's eyes narrowed, "I don't #! Care what that #! Thinks! I want to survive, I want Sakon to survive, and you can't survive by being all good and kind and stupid!" "You can be tough and kind, look at Kankurou." They all turned to the puppeteer, "Me? Kind? That's a first. But he's right, some of the strongest people I know are nice, like Kakashi-San, jan. you don't have to be ruthless to be a good ninja." Ukon clinched his teeth, "Do you think I don't want some nice, happy life like everybody else? Do you think I like being miserable? All of our lives the only thing that kept us alive and sane was looking out for each other and no one else. I used to care, but it only made things worse, being betrayed, losing friends... You can't get attached to people, you can't afford to care." Kidoumaru walked over to the Twins, "Kankurou, I need to talk to these guys alone." "Sure." Kankurou nodded, took Karasu and left. "I know it's hard to trust people, and I know what _he_ did to you..." Both Twins glared at that, "But you need help, you can't let it control your lives..." "Easy for you to say, he didn't even look at you." Kidoumaru shuddered, he was on dangerous and uncomfortable ground, "There are doctors here you can talk to, who can help you. You've been through more than enough, you deserve better." The Twins turned, "You can't imagine what it's like. But, thanks." Sakon walked off quickly, so that Kidoumaru couldn't see them both cry.

Eiji climbed onto the dragonfly's back and webbed himself to the summon, having no intention of falling off. "Nervous?" Kidoumaru asked, he couldn't blame him, phobias can be incredibly hard to live with, and Eiji was trying. "No, I'm terrified." "See ya', Dosu" Zaku nodded, "It's just not the same without you to boss us around." "Yeah, see ya' Wind Bag." Kin hugged him, "Bye, Dosu. I'll miss you." Dosu grinned, "I'll miss you to." Kin nodded, "Hey, Tayuya! Don't let those boys boss you around!" Tayuya laughed, "Like these weak #! Could tell me what to do!"

Mizuki looked down at his tattoo, the one given him by Orochimaru, and frowned, rubbing at it. The tattoo design was really a bite mark from Orochimaru, as well as a formulae for the potion which had transformed him into a tiger-man, then a withered old man. "I wonder if Orochimaru's 'gifts' can ever be removed..." Iruka looked at the tattoo, "I doubt it, Orochimaru probably used some kind of dark magic to create it." Mizuki nodded, "It's his bite, like a lesser version of a Cursed Seal. Even if I could remove it, I probably wouldn't. It reminds me of what I've done to Naruto, to you." Iruka smiled, "You know I don't hold grudges." Mizuki was nearly bowled over by a blonde knucklehead, "Goodbye, Mizuki." Naruto gave his blinding grin. Mizuki ruffled his hair, "See ya, kid." "You know you're welcome here anytime." Mizuki smiled, "I know, 'Ruka. Thanks. I'll try to visit soon."

Once all six people had climbed up onto the summon, Zaku leaned forward, "Let's go!" The summon lifted, it's wings sending clouds of dust everywhere, then sped off toward Kusagakure.

Kakashi walked over to the door, still holding his _Icha Icha_ book, "Sakon, Ukon, what brings you here? Looking for more advice from the master?" He looked at their pale faces and could tell this was something more, "W-we need to talk to you. Alone."

To be continued...


	107. Chapter 107

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 107

Obito came home around dark, he and Rin had been walking around town, trying to remember all of the special places. "Hi, Kakashi." Kakashi was sitting on the couch, he looked unusually pale and weak. "Kakashi, are you alright?" "If there's a hell, and Orochimaru's in it, then I'm fine." Obito blinked in confusion. "Obito, did you ever meet Orochimaru?" "No. Madara saw him when he was in Akatsuki, but never talked to him." Kakashi shook his head, "Then you're lucky. Have you seen Sasuke?" "Obito saw him talking to Naruto at the Ichiraki." Kakashi leaned forward, it would be a long night.

"Naruto, you're an idiot!" "I sure was an idiot bringing_ you_ back, dattebayo!" Sasuke looked around the dark streets of Konohagakure, "We'd better get home. Do want me to walk you home, little_ girl_?" Naruto howled angrily, "I'm no girl! I'm a _man_! Dattebayo!" Sasuke laughed, it was far too easy to get Naruto riled up, and oh so much fun. "Shut up, idiot, you'll wake the whole town." Naruto fumed silently, "Awww, you're so cute when you're mad!" "THAT'S IT! I'm gonna' kick your ..." "HEY, SHUT UP OUT THERE!" Both boys turned to the angry woman at the window and bowed, "Sorry!" As soon as the woman went back inside, they both fell over laughing.

Sasuke walked into Obito's house quietly, not wanting to wake the others, but Kakashi was already awake, sitting in the living room. "Kakashi? I wasn't doing anything wrong." "I know." Kakashi spoke softly, "I need to talk to you." "About what?" "Orochimaru."

"ITACHI!" Kisame shook the sleeping Uchiha, who finally opened his eyes, then shot up like spring. He could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. "Again?" He shook his head, _Another nightmare._ "Yeah. This time you were screaming." Itachi looked down at his trembling hands. _I was always in control, even when I did have nightmares, I could brush them off, but now..._ "Itachi? Are you alright?" Kisame looked genuinely concerned, "I'll be fine," Itachi tried to put on his usual stoic face, but it was difficult, "I'm sorry for disturbing you." "I'm getting worried about you, Itachi. If this keeps up, there's no telling what could happen to your mind." Uchiha Itachi didn't know what to say, _Kisame is almost certainly the only person on earth who actually cares what happens to me. Everyone else actively seeks my death._ "What doctor in his right mind would listen to _my_ problems?" "Then tell me, I'll listen. It might help." Itachi closed his eyes for a long moment, "_Alright_. It started with my father, we are a lot alike, _heartless_. He didn't love either of his children, I don't think he could. He was much like that Yondaime Kazekage, we were just tools to him, not sons." He clenched his teeth, "I hated that man with a passion. Uchiha Fugaku, a weak coward trying to live his dreams through his children. I've never regretted killing him, Not like with mother..." The talk lasted well into the night and early morning. When it was done, Itachi had to admit he did feel a little better.

The next morning.

"Mom, is it alright if Sakura eats dinner with us tonight?" "Of course, Kidoumaru." Yoshino didn't have to ask Shikato, he would probably be too drunk to notice a guest. Besides, it's not like he had a say in anything anyway. "Thanks." Yoshino smiled, "If you want to invite Tayuya over, Shikamaru, she's welcome here." Shikamaru sat up a bit, "Even with her troublesome mouth?" "If I couldn't take rude behavior, I wouldn't eat with you and your father." Shikamaru grunted, "Yeah, yeah. Troublesome woman." Yoshino hit him in the back of the head, "Brat."

Sai looked up as Sakon and Ukon headed out, "Where are you going so early?" "To see a doctor, we have an appointment." "Are you feeling ill?" Sai seemed concerned, "No, we just need to see the doctor. It's personal." Sai nodded, "I will leave it to you then." The Twins walked out into the bright morning sunshine, "It's nice he's not a pushy #! Busy-body." They turned and walked toward the hospital, "If this guy is a jerk about it, I'll kill his #!" Ukon mumbled.

"Of course I'd be happy to eat with you." "I have to warn you, Tayuya may be eating with us." Sakura laughed, "I don't mind, Ino and I have spent a lot of time with her." Kidoumaru laced the fingers of two of his hands behind his head, "She has changed a bit, she's a lot less violent and foul-mouthed now that she's dating Shikamaru, he's been a real good influence on her." "I never thought I'd hear that Shikamaru was a good influence on someone, he's rude, lazy, obnoxious, arrogant... Cute..." "I guess you have a thing for Pineapple-Headed Geniuses." "You're pretty arrogant yourself... And very hot." He wrapped his arms around her, "And you're very beautiful. I can't believe you picked me, you're surrounded by guys. You could have picked Sai..." "Yeah, Sai is hot..." "Oh, really?" He kissed her, "But I don't want to share you."

To be continued...


	108. Chapter 108

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 108

Kidoumaru was ready to collapse, he'd volunteered to spar with Sai, and now, even in his Cursed Seal form, he was incredibly outmatched. It wasn't a matter of strength, but of skill and endurance. To make it more difficult, Sai either didn't feel or didn't respond to pain. It was frightening what ROOT had made him into. _He's a killing machine!_ His genius intellect told him one thing, _I'm gonna' get my tail kicked! I am getting my tail kicked!_ He grabbed Sai and attempted to wrestle him to the ground, he managed to push Sai backwards about a foot, before the ANBU flung him about ten feet away. _It's over, it's a mammoth fighting a mouse, and I'm the mouse._ His pride wouldn't allow him to give up, so he started to lift himself up, but fell back again, exhausted. He reverted to his normal form as Sakura rushed over to him, shakily checking for any serious injuries. "I did not hit you in a way to cause injury, did I?" Sai knelt beside them. "I'm... Fine. Just tired. You're incredible! I was one of the... strongest in Oto, but I couldn't touch you!" "You landed several good blows, Kidoumaru, you are highly skilled. It was a very impressive session." Sakura helped her boyfriend up, "You're not hurt, and I fixed all of the bruises. Sai knows what he's doing." "I believe it, I _know_ it." Sakura shook her head, "But you're worn out, I'd better get you home for some rest." Kidoumaru grinned, "My place or yours?"

Tayuya was trying, she was trying hard, but cursing was a big part of who she was. But she wanted to impress Yoshino, her lazy husband didn't care, apparently. She looked over at Sakura and the Six-Armed Freak, and felt a bit jealous of the girl, _she_ didn't have to struggle to gain the parents' approval. They knew her and trusted her, while Tayuya was a foreign ninja who'd twice tried to_ murder_ their son. "So, Tayuya. How do you like Konoha?" Yoshino asked, and Tayuya tried to think of something non-profane to say. "It's a lot more exciting than I expected. There are a lot of interesting people, like Sai and those Dog-People." "Yes, the Inuzuka clan are known for their wild ways." "And I've met some people who I can get along with, like Sakura and Ino. Before I came here, Kin was the only girl I could talk to, otherwise it was just me and those #! Boys." She covered her mouth, _#! It all!_ Shikato laughed, "We've heard all of those words before, and used them from time to time. Tayuya, you don't have to try so hard to impress us." "Thanks. But I really want to cut down on it, it's not very attractive." Kidoumaru dropped his chopsticks along with his jaw, _Tayuya, trying to stop cursing!_ "Don't look at me like that you... Six-Armed- Pineapple-Headed Pig!"

Doctor Masuda rubbed his forehead, over the past few hours he'd heard things he'd hoped never to hear and developed a distinct and powerful hatred of a certain Snake Sannin. He'd never met kids as mentally damaged as those two. The Twins, especially Ukon, were antisocial, sadistic, sociopathic and paranoid. They'd suffered things he could barely imagine and had became monsters to try to cope. They were, to use a decidedly unscientific term, _royally screwed-up_. This would not be a short treatment, this would require years of therapy, decades, even. He wondered to himself whether or not the Hokage needed to know what he'd learned. He decided to tell her his basic diagnosis, but not reveal all of the terrible secrets he'd heard.

Kakashi didn't know if Sasuke was lying or not, but he hoped he was telling the truth. He felt tired and sick over everything he'd learned, it was ugly, very ugly. He hoped the Twins had gone to see Masuda, after he'd arranged an appointment that morning. _I'll go see them later._ He was confused over why they'd chosen to tell him of all people. The answer seemed fairly obvious, they didn't really know anyone else, not any _adults_, anyway, outside of Tsunade, Obito, Yamato and himself. They didn't exactly try to make friends, they seemed to view everyone outside of themselves, Sai, Suigetsu and their fellow Oto-Nin as enemies. He didn't blame them, their lives had been hell. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair,_ I guess I'll walk over to Sai's and check on them._

Shikamaru yawned and snuck an arm around Tayuya's shoulders. "Have a good time?" "Yeah, your mom's a good cook, and your dad's really funny." Shikamaru smiled, "I guess they're not_ too_ troublesome." In the kitchen, Kidoumaru was showing off his origami skills, "What do you think of this one?" He held up a paper frog. "Naruto would love it." While two of his hands were holding the frog, the other four were making more origami structures, a ship and a flower. Sakura, meanwhile, was making a crane. "I had no idea you were artistic." "With all of these hands, I have to do something to keep busy." Yoshino looked over the table, "Very nice. You're both very talented." She walked into the living room to see Shikamaru and Tayuya cuddling, "Don't let him take advantage of you, Tayuya." Tayuya laughed, "_I'm_ taking advantage of _him_! Isn't that right, Shika?" "Yes, ma'am." Yoshino shook her head, "Just like his father."

Deidara sprawled lazily across his couch. One would think being the absolute ruler of an entire country would be less boring. He could have any woman he wanted, (Despite what people said, Deidara was a_ man_, as several unfortunate drunks had found out), he had money, power, he could legally kill people... Yet, something was missing, _Freedom._ The freedom to fly wherever he wanted and bomb the hell out of people, the freedom of having no responsibilities. Now he had a whole country counting upon his actions and decisions. He sat up and stretched as an aide came in. "Yes?" "We've received word from our ambassador in Sunagakure, the Kazekage has signed our peace treaty." Deidara closed his eyes to remember the last time he'd been in Suna, he'd not only met Kazekage Gaara, he'd fought him and drug him back to the Akatsuki, who'd killed him while extracting Shukaku. Gaara's brother, that puppet master, would have killed the Artist-Nin had Sasori not stepped in to cover his escape, and payed for that escape with his life. Somehow Gaara had come back to life, and now he was willing to sign a treaty with the man who'd been directly responsible for his death. _I could never be so forgiving,_ he was certain of that. "Any word from the squad we sent to check on the Sealing Statue, un?" The Aide shook his head, "No. They should be back within a few days." Deidara nodded, he'd sent the team to examine the statue to make sure it was secure and that the Bijuu inside were still trapped, before sealing off the entire area to ensure that no one could release the demons, _especially_ the Shukaku. Madara's dream of manipulating the Bijuu to do his bidding had died with Pein, none of the others were stupid enough to release those hateful things on the world. "Inform me when they return." "Yes, Deidara-Sama." _Deidara-Sama_, that had a nice ring to it... He lay back down, so far they had made new treaties with Sunagakure, Amegakure, Otogakure, Takigakure and Kusagakure. Konohagakure was hesitant to trust the new government of Iwagakure, and Deidara didn't trust Kiri. He sighed, "I wonder what Tobi is doing right now." As much as he hated,_ truly_ hated to admit it, having Tobi (_Or Uchiha Obito, I think that's his name._) around was fun, the little idiot was annoying and infuriating, but he was never boring. And it was nice having someone kiss up to him. He shuddered when he thought of the day he'd learned he horrible truth about Tobi, about Madara. He'd heard that the 'good' side of the man had killed Madara that day the base went up in flames, and he hoped so, for everyone's sakes. _That eye, that horrible Sharingan eye... _That reminded him of Itachi, he'd heard that his formerly dead enemy had taken refuge in Kirigakure, _Perhaps I'll look him up soon._

To be continued...


	109. Chapter 109

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 109

The Oto-Nins sat around a table at the Super Burger, well, most of them, anyway. "I wonder where the #! Freak Twins are?" Tayuya asked, "They too #! Good for us now?" Jirobou shook his head, "No, they've been seeing a doctor lately." "A #! Doctor, why the..." Tayuya stopped short at the sight of Kidoumaru's expression. "Oh..." Everyone was silent for a moment, "Hey, guys." They all turned to see Kankurou walking over. "Hey, Kankurou." Kidoumaru wasn't surprised to the puppeteer here, he was well known for his love of hamburgers. "Where's Sakon and Ukon? I wanted to talk to them, jan." "We're right here, Puppet-Boy." Sakon and Ukon walked into the fast-food place and over to the counter to order their lunch, "What makes you think we'd want to talk to you?" "That hurts Ukon." "I'd be happy to hurt you, you big... Who cares, anyway?" Ukon gave up on the insults, he was tired, mentally exhausted from those sessions with Doctor Masume. They took their sandwiches and sat down next to Jirobou, "What did you want to talk about? We're too busy for some #! Long chat." Kankurou rubbed his shoulder, " I heard about you guys and Kiba talking, jan. That's a good step." The Twins stuck out their tongues at him, "Shove it! We don't want your #! Help fitting in or making up with that Dog-Brat." Kankurou shrugged, "Whatever. I'm going to order now, say hi to Sai and Suigetsu for me, jan." Ukon pulled a hand from Sakon's body and gave the puppeteer the finger. He grinned, "I thought you'd say that."

Temari looked over the letter Kankurou had sent, feeling a bit of shame

_Temari,_

_I spoke with Shikamaru and he said he understands that you were ill. He's forgiven you, and said that he hopes you make a full recovery and find someone. I hope this cheers you up some, give my regards to Gaara._

_Your brother,_

_Kankurou, ambassador to Konohagakure_

Temari wiped her eyes. It was difficult and embarrassing thinking of what she'd done to Shikamaru, and frightening to think of what she had tried to do... She wasn't surprised that he was willing to forgive her, Shikamaru wasn't the type to hold grudges, but it still felt good to hear.

Kisame was deeply troubled by the things Itachi had told him of his life, allying himself with Madara, murdering his own clan, driving his little brother to the edge of madness, even in violent Kirigakure such things were unheard of. Itachi was seriously messed-up, and it was almost impossible for Kisame to see how it began. He placed the blame on Fugaku, at least, the initial blame. Fugaku had sown the seeds of his own destruction, and Madara had nurtured those seeds to bloody fruition. Now, both of them were dead, and Itachi's humanity was all but gone. "Hey, Itachi." "What is it?" "What say we go enjoy ourselves? We could go to Namigakure, spend a few weeks on the beach, meet some chicks... I think it would do you good to have some fun. And you could use a tan." "If you want." Itachi spoke softly, seemingly uninterested. "Then let's go!" He put an arm around Itachi's shoulder, "I know how the girls flock to you, so try to send a little action my way."

Sakon and Ukon lay on Shikamaru's hill, looking up at the clouds. "I can see why that lazy bum loves this so much, it's very relaxing." Ukon grunted, "If that guy gets any more relaxed, he'll be dead." "We should invite Sai to try this, he could really use a break from being the perfect killing machine. Do you think he'd see anything in the clouds?" "Yeah, he might have no emotions, but he still has imagination, you've seen his paintings." Sakon turned a slight bit, "Do you think we made the right decision? I mean talking about..." "It's not like people don't know, Kidoumaru and Tayuya both have big mouths... We've talked enough about that for one day." They both lay silent for a moment. A familiar face suddenly blocked their view, "Hey." "What the hell do you want, Sasuke?" They sat up and glared at the Uchiha. "Well, you two didn't seem like the cloud-watching type." He sat down beside them, "Did he suffer?" Sasuke didn't have to ask Sakon who_ he _was. "I hope so, he had this real funny look on his face when he saw me about to kill him. Pity you two couldn't see it." "He told you, Kakashi told you, didn't he?" Ukon's eyes narrowed slightly, "We don't need your pity." "I pity no one, except maybe myself." The Twins looked at Sasuke intently, then began laughing, "You really are a cold-hearted #!, aren't you?" Sasuke smiled, "Yes, yes I am." Ukon laughed, "Maybe you're not so bad after all."

"T-t-t-they're all so cute!" "I know!" Naruto stuck his face against the rabbit hutch, "How about the brown one?" "That w-w-would be nice." Hinata blushed. Naruto reached in and pulled out a brown-furred rabbit, "We'll take this one, dattebayo!" After Naruto paid, the salesman put the rabbit in a cat carrier, "I'd keep him out of my garden if I were you, they're very destructive." "So am I!" Naruto handed the carrier to Hinata and picked up a bag of rabbit feed, "What are you going to name him?" "H-h-h-how about B-b-b--butterscotch?" She put an arm around Naruto's shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you." Naruto grinned widely and blushed madly, "Y-y-you're welcome, dattebayo!"

Anji recognized the scent long before he came near, as did Koji. They rushed through the forest, noting an odd buzzing sound, like the wings of bees or wasps. The boy and his lion ground to a stop, Hiro was standing in the forest, his eyes covered with a cloth, beside a tall, thin man who was also blindfolded. Wasps swarmed around the man like a cloud. "Anji. It's been a while..." "Why are you here in Kiri?" He growled. "I'm training him to function without the use of his eyes." The man stated simply, "We've been traveling to experience and train in different environments." "Who the hell are you?" "My name is Kotaro. They call me Kotaro of The Wasps, for obvious reasons." He motioned at the insects around him. Hiro took off his blindfold to look at the newcomer, "I didn't really expect to see you here." "I _live_ here you idiot!" "Are you from the village that lies a few miles from here to the West?" Kotaro asked, "We were headed there, if you wish to accompany us." Anji glared at the boy who'd cost him the title of Chuunin in the exams, _I might be able to take him, but the other, he has the Chakra levels of a Jonin, besides, he did spare my life._" "What do you want in the village?" "Just to buy supplies."Anji growled again, "This isn't Konoha, foreign ninja don't always get a warm reception." Kotaro shrugged, "I know, I've been here before. Hiro, however, has not, so I want to introduce him to life here." "Your funerals." Anji waved a clawed hand, even though he was certain Kotaro couldn't see the gesture, or see anything at all, for that matter. "Follow me."

To be continued...


	110. Chapter 110

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 110

Kisame walked out of the surf and headed toward Itachi. The Uchiha was heavily slathered in sun screen and lying under a large umbrella, surrounded by fawning women, whose presence he didn't seem to acknowledge. "Itachi, you should get wet. This is a beach, after all." Itachi didn't say anything. "Okay, if that's how you want it..." Kisame picked Itachi up, carried him over to the water, and threw him in. "What the hell!? Kisame!" Kisame jumped in splashed the Uchiha in the face. "C'mon, have a little fun. Why do you have to be so grumpy all the time?" "I'm an Uchiha, we're all cold-hearted, grumpy little #!" Kisame shook his head, "Not Obito." "And that's why those fools treated Obito like a useless burden, like he was less than an Uchiha." Kisame pushed Itachi's head under the waves, Itachi retaliated by tackling the Shark-Nin, and they both fell into the surf. "You look just like a wet weasel!" Itachi gave Kisame an odd look, then it happened. Itachi_ laughed_, the emotionless Uchiha actually started_ laughing_. Kisame watched stunned for a moment, then joined in. Soon they were both falling over in wild laughter...

"Hey, Kidoumaru!" Dosu rushed over to the Spider-Nin, "Guess what happened!" "Somebody stuffed a bar of soap in Tayuya's mouth?" "No! I got accepted into the Academy! I'm going to be a student, in your class!" Kidoumaru stood for a moment, surprised, "Yeah, well... Don't expect any special treatment. I'm going to treat you just like any of the other brats." "I wouldn't want any special treatment." Kidoumaru slapped him on the back, "Congratulations! I'm glad you got in. I'll be looking forward to putting you through hell." He grinned, "And I expect you to win it all. I'm talking _Chuunin_, first try!" Dosu saluted, "Yes, Sir!" He grinned, "I wonder if Zaku and Kin will try... No... Zaku won't, anyway. After all he went through with Shino and Orochimaru at those exams, he probably couldn't even attempt it. He's so messed up... I hate that Snake with everything I am." Kidoumaru nodded, "Yeah, I hate him too." He paused, "But, he's in hell and we're playing here, so why think about that loser? Let's go tell everybody! And I _will_ expect you to call me _Kidoumaru-Sensei_."

"So, what color was his blood? I always imagined that he bled black." "Sorry, he had red blood just like everyone else." Ukon frowned, "Man! I wish I could have been there! I would have been laughing my #! Head off!" "What happened to the body?" Sakon looked over at Sasuke, "I just left him for the rats, assuming anything could eat Orochimaru... The villagers probably hung his carcass in the middle of town or something. Serves him right."

"And he hit the guy right in the face! Knocked him out cold! He just seems to really hate people who mistreat Naruto, he calls them 'trash characters.'" The girls were talking about their respective boyfriends at The Cute Kitsune, "The six-armed punk calls just about everyone 'trash characters'... But he does hate it when people act all #! Stupid like that, and he can't stand #! Who blame everything on other people. Shikamaru, on the other hand, is too #! Lazy to get mad at anyone, you could spit in his #! face and he'd just wipe it off and go back to sleep. Still, he does care about other people, he's the kind of guy that would #! Die for you... But he wouldn't help you with your chores!" Tayuya shook her head, "He'd starve in the street without someone to take care of his sorry #!" Ino rested her chin on her palm, "Lee would do the same thing, I mean die to protect someone, remember when he fought Zaku, Dosu and Kin to protect you?" Sakura nodded, "Yes, I remember that. Hard to believe they're our friends now, did you hear that Dosu is joining the Academy?" Ino smirked, "Of course I know, he lives with my family, after all. Dad got him in, I think he'll do well." Sakura turned to Hinata, "So, Naruto treating you well?" "H-h-he's.... Sweet and f-funny and... Drop dead sexy!" Everyone stared at the timid Hyuuga, "W-what?" Tenten jumped in, "Kiba is wonderful, sexy and wild..." "And a brat." Hana laughed, "My little brother is hot-headed little punk. But he'd be loyal, I'm sure, and he can be sweet... Just don't tell him I said anything nice about him." "So, what about that #! Puppet-Boy?" Hana leaned forward, "Kankurou is sweet, affectionate, strong, he writes me love poems and, once he got over being scared out of his wits, he's very romantic." "Scared? Oh, yeah, he's blondie's brother... Shikamaru gets a bit scared too sometimes, after what she did to him... And he forgave that #! That's the way he is, a sweet, stupid little #! Goody-goody... I mean, he forgave my #! After what I did to him." "I can't believe Kidoumaru forgave Sasuke, after everything that happened. But I guess that's the way he is." Ino sat up, "He's a 'good sport' about just about everything." "Yeah, Neji told me that when they fought, he was like a demon, vicious, cruel and relentless, and I guess that's how he was trained, but when he takes off his 'game face', he's one of the nicest boys I've ever met." Tayuya huffed, "If you're not a demon in battle you're a #! Corpse, you can't afford to be nice to the enemy. Shikamaru was trying not to hurt me when we fought, and I didn't care he was so kind, I would have killed his #! And not batted an eye. And he would be dead if the #! Sand Witch hadn't come along." Her voice became slightly higher, "I was a real demon then too..."

To be continued...


	111. Chapter 111

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 111

Konohamaru opened his door and stepped outside, only to scream and run back inside, slamming the door behind him. Sasuke and the Twins, all in full Cursed Seal form, started laughing, "Did you see his face!?" Sasuke wiped a tear from his eye, _Ah yes, sweet revenge._ He had to hold onto the door for support, "I bet he wet himself!" They returned to 'normal' form and walked off, still laughing. "Konoha's best prankster?_ Please!_?" Ukon was crying with laughter, "I could turn this town upside down! Hey, Sakon, tell him about the time I locked Kabuto and Tayuya in the closet!" "The #! couldn't hear for two days and couldn't walk straight for a week!"

Itachi took another sip of his mixed drink,_ I'm going to regret this in the morning._ His pale skin was already turning red from his little visit to the beach, and he could have sworn there were women following him, but right now he didn't care. "What did I say, Itachi? I told you you'd have fun." Kisame walked over with a girl on each arm, "You're a bad influence on me, Hoshigake..." He picked up a slice of pineapple and popped it into his mouth, "Did you normally live like this before we met?" "One can't be an evil terrorist all the time. Not even you." He grinned, showing his shark-like teeth, "We're headed to the jacuzzi, wanna' come? We can pick you up a chick or three on the way." Itachi considered for a moment, "Alright." He got up, and followed the group out.

Kidoumaru was putting the final touches on the roast beef he was preparing when Sakura walked in. "Hey, there's enough for you to stay for dinner, I'm sure mom won't mind." Sakura smiled, "That sounds nice, but I wanted to ask you something about Tayuya." "Sure, fire away." "Have you noticed anything different about her? I mean, bad different?" Kidoumaru went over and picked up a whistling tea kettle, "No. Why?" He set the tea off of the heat and turned to Sakura. "I think she's depressed or something. We were talking about you guys, and she started talking about what she did to Shikamaru, then she got upset and had to leave." Kidoumaru wiped his hands and sat down at the table, motioning for Sakura to join him, "You're kidding." The idea of a guilt-stricken Tayuya was hard to swallow, he'd never known her to be sorry for anything, much less to be depressed about it. "I knew she was kind of ashamed of it, but depressed..." "I think she's a lot deeper than you give her credit for. Sensitive, even." Kidoumaru shrugged, "You're probably right, but what can we do?" Sakura sighed heavily, "I wish I knew. Maybe we could talk to Shikamaru, he might be able to talk to her."

Hiro had to admit, Kirigakure was an interesting, and dangerous, place. Many of the villagers looked at the duo from Konoha with mixtures of suspicion and outright hatred, putting him on alert for attack. It was a small village, just a satellite of the main Hidden Village, and it wasn't hard to find your way around. "Where do you live, Anji?" The boy made an animalistic grunt, "Like I'd tell you." He looked over at Kotaro, "How was he able to follow me when he's blind?" "Like I'd tell you." Hiro replied. "Whatever. Remember, I warned you, if you get your stupid butts killed, it's not_ my_ fault." Kotaro bowed slightly, "Thank you." Hiro knelt down and petted Koji's golden fur, then started helping Kotaro pack the supplies. "Well, that's everything. It's time we took our leave. Goodbye, Anji." Anji grimaced, "Whatever." A large man with fairly gray skin stepped in front of them and gave a shark-toothed grin, "Foreign trash aren't welcome here." Hiro looked at him impassively, "Do all Kiri-Nin have shark's teeth?" The man swung at him, hitting nothing but air, he looked around in confusion, "Where'd he go?" He found out quickly as vines encircled his body and pulled him waist deep into the ground. Hiro emerged from the earth and looked at his attacker, "You should really be more polite to strangers." As the man's friends tried to pull him from the ground, the Konoha-Nins walked off. Anji almost laughed, _At least I'm not the only one to fall for that trick._

Shikamaru walked over to Tayuya, who was sitting at a table in the Super Burger, "Hey, Tayuya." He sat beside her. "Hey, Lazy-#!" Shikamaru was as subtle as ever, "So, I heard you're upset about trying to kill me." Tayuya looked at him stupidly for a moment, "Sakura told you! I'll #! Kill that #! And her #! Boyfriend! I bet he was in on it too!" "That doesn't matter. You know I'm not angry at you." He put an arm around her, "I _love_ you." "You should_ hate_ me! I tried to #! Kill you, _twice_! I beat you like a #! Dog! I was gonna' #! _Roast_ your #! You were trying to be #! Kind and I didn't #! Show you any #! Mercy! How can you be so #! Nice to me after that!?" "Because that was in battle. You know better than I do that a ninja has to do things in battle they wouldn't do in civilian life. Kidoumaru was right, a ninja is a_ killer_, you're trained not to view the opponent as a person with hopes and fears and dreams, just an obstacle to be overcome. It's awful and it's cruel, but it's the way we survive." "I wasn't in danger, not from you, anyway, you didn't even want to #! fight me, much less hurt me, and I was going to kill you in the most painful way I could. I'm worse than Temari, at least she was #! _Nuts_! I knew _exactly_ what I was doing!" Shikamaru began stroking her hair, "Yeah, and so did Kidoumaru, and Jirobou, and certainly those Twins knew. But you've changed, that was the past, you've changed, all of you have. Besides, Kimimaro didn't really give you a choice, it was fight or die." Tayuya started sobbing on his shoulder, and Shikamaru held her closer and spoke softly, "You can't change the past, and you shouldn't let in control, the past is dead and gone, only the future remains. It seems like everyone has forgiven you but you. Even _mom_ forgave you!" He kissed her on top of the head, "It's time to forgive yourself."

Hoshigake Kisame smiled. Itachi was surrounded by girls who couldn't resist those Uchiha good looks, several had even started fighting over him. It was always like that, wherever they went Itachi was swarmed by adoring women, Kisame figured the same thing happened to Sasuke on a regular basis. He didn't know whether to envy or pity them. "I see you have good taste." He turned to the girl who hadn't rushed over to Itachi, and she smiled, "Blue's my favorite color..."

To be continued...


	112. Chapter 112

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 112

"I hear he's really a demon in disguise!" "Well I heard that one of his last students failed a test, and he ate him!" The students were whispering amongst each other about their new Field Instructor. "Hey, Dosu, you know Kidoumaru-Sensei, what's he like?" Dosu grinned, "He's a slave-driver, he doesn't accept failure. And if you mouth off, he'll make sure they never find the body!" Kidoumaru walked over to his terrified new students, "Hello, maggots, I'm Kidoumaru, _Kidoumaru-Sensei_ to you, and I'm going to make your lives a living hell! When I'm done you'll be ready for anything!" Several kids screamed and ran away.

About thirty minutes later, when the last student had been tracked down and dragged back to class, Kidoumaru faced his students again, "I don't know what you've heard, but I haven't killed or eaten a student yet, but, of course, I only just started teaching." He paused and smirked, "Now, you're all _mine_, and I'm no nice, friendly teacher like Iruka-Sensei. You wanna' be ninja?" He cracked all of his knuckles, "I'm here to teach you survival skills, not to baby you. You'll learn to survive in the forest, the plains, and maybe even the desert. I'll teach you how to fight all sorts of enemies, and you'll be happy to know you'll even get a crack at taking_ me_ down, if you can defeat me in full Cursed Seal mode, that is. Now, " He looked at his student's terrified faces, "We're going to take a trip to the forest, and I'll start by showing you which plants are edible, and what plants are poisonous." He turned and motioned them to follow, "Oh, yeah, that reminds me. I'm bringing a medical kit along, I suggest you each get one of your own after school today. _Never_ go into the forest without one."

Sakon and Ukon stood before the Hokage in her office, "I guess you're wondering why I called you here." She fidgeted slightly, "Listen, I know you're trying to make a place for yourselves, and you've made a lot of progress, Sai had made very good reports about you... I also know you're getting therapy to..." She gulped slightly, Dr. Masuda refused to confirm her suspicions, but she knew Orochimaru, "Deal with your anger issues. I'm glad of that, and I'm here to help you if you need it." "We'd like some kind of job, we can't live off of Sai forever." Tsunade nodded, "I'll see about that." "Thank you." The Twins bowed respectfully and left. Tsunade reached for her sake, _What happened to you Orochimaru? What turned you into such a demon?_ She felt a bit sick, and downed the entire bottle in two gulps.

Kidoumaru looked at Dosu, _He's way beyond these other kids, but he still has to go through all of the entry-level stuff, too bad he can't just pick up where he left off._ "Okay brats, Time to go back." They headed out toward the Academy. He'd went over various roots and berries that could be eaten, and how to tell the ones that were poisonous. They hadn't gotten to all of them, of course, that would take some time. He wondered what the parents would say if he taught them which _insects_ were edible, when you're lost and hungry, you need to know_ all _of your options. _Screw 'em, I want my students to know how to survive! I'll teach them everything I know._ "Okay, Tomorrow I'm going to quiz you on what I taught you today, this class _will_ save your lives someday." Kidoumaru took his responsibility very seriously, "Being a ninja is a dangerous game, and if you lose, you_ die_. I know,_ I_ lost and _I_ died, and I don't want that to happen to any of you. So I'm going to push you harder than anyone has ever pushed you before, to make_ sure_ you win. I only know of about twelve people, myself included, who have _ever_ lost and gotten a second chance, so you can't count on that. You have to win. And if any of you have doubts about becoming ninja, get out of this game while you still can."

Dosu looked around at his fellow students, some of them couldn't even hold a kunai properly. _Of course, they're just learning, but still, you'd think their parents would have taught them something about being ninja. Kidoumaru-Sensei, he doesn't care if they hate him or not, he wants them to learn how to survive, if he could, he'd ram the info right into their brains._ Kidoumaru walked behind the group, watching to make sure no one got separated or left behind. _It's amazing they trust him enough to teach their kids! But he's dedicated, I can see that, and he'd do anything to protect them. I never knew he had that in him, I always thought he was a crazy, arrogant jerk. Obviously, I was wrong. Of course, he's changed too, since being dead and brought back. We all changed... _

"Yo, Sai! Whatcha doin'?"Sakon and Ukon walked into the house, smiling. "I was merely painting a new piece." Sai looked up from his scroll and brushes, "I take it you are feeling better?" "Yeah," Sakon bounced onto the couch, "Hey, Sai, have you ever just lay in the grass and watched the clouds?" "No, though I often see Lazy Shikamaru engaged in cloud-watching. What is the purpose of such an activity?" "Inspiration." Sakon smiled, "Relaxation. Pleasure. " "Perhaps I shall try it one day." Sai stated, turning back to his painting. "Sai, do you ever feel, just a little bit of emotion?" "Sometimes, when I think of ROOT, of Danzu, I have this odd sensation, cold and hot simultaneously, it makes my muscles tense and my teeth grind. From the physical reactions, I believe it is similar to what people call '_rage_'." 'Yep, sounds like rage to me. Do you feel anything else?" Sai nodded solemnly, "Sometimes I think on what I might have been like had I not been conditioned by ROOT, and I feel a... Hollow sensation in my chest." "That's _sadness_." "That is impossible, I was conditioned to have no emotions. The areas of my brain that control are stunted from disuse. As I told Kidoumaru, even if I was able to break my conditioning, I would only have limited emotional capacity." Sakon grinned, "But you are feeling some emotion. Tell me, what do you feel when you think of Suigetsu?" Sai cocked his head, "I used to have that hollow feeling, now I have a new feeling, a feeling in my chest, a... Fullness?" Both Twins grinned broadly, and Sakon spoke, "You love your brother. Congratulations, you have _emotions_."

To be continued...


	113. Chapter 113

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 113

Sai walked alone down the streets, deep in thought, _Is it possible that they are right? Have I been feeling emotions all this time and not known it? I certainly have no way to recognize emotions within myself, I have no point of reference, no personal experience with emotion to compare these feelings to, no means to confirm whether or not they are emotions._ He shrugged.

Shikamaru looked over the tests he was to grade. _Why did I ever agree to this? This is a lot of work!_ He looked up at the brats... Err, students. It had been less than a week since classes had started, and they'd already played four pranks on him. Finding a pair of boxer shorts in his desk was enough to finally anger the lazy ninja, _How the hell do they know about what happened in Ame?!_ It was some small consolation that the class directly following his was Survival Training. Kidoumaru had not only scared the identity of the perpetrators out of their classmates, he'd gotten a measure of revenge by making them demonstrate how to properly clean and eat earthworms. That was the last prank he'd suffered to date. _Good ole' Kidoumaru, he really knows how to keep the brats in line._ Of course, some of the parents didn't appreciate his tough, no-nonsense teaching methods, but he was right, ninja have to be tough to survive. He could see several of the students looking nervously at the clock, dreading Survival Training. A few were actually eager to get out of the classroom and train under Kidoumaru, he was the type of teacher a student either loved or hated. Shikamaru, lazy and shiftless as he was, would have hated a teacher who actually made him do physical labor, he would have considered Kidoumaru the teacher from hell. The bell rang and class began to file out, some more energetically than others. "Remember, you have homework on the First Great Ninja War! Study up!" Not that Shikamaru would have studied, he was an absolute genius, but he was so lazy, not to mention bored by classes, that he'd gotten miserable grades. Not like Kidoumaru, he had energy levels on par with Rock Lee himself coupled with an intellect equal to Shikamaru. He had both the energy and the means to get things done. Shikamaru put his head on his desk and quickly fell asleep.

Kidoumaru stood and looked over his students as they gathered for class, he was quite pleased with their progress so far, but one couldn't rest on their laurels. _You have to practice to stay sharp._ "Alright, everyone's here. Today I have a real treat for you," The class groaned in unison, "We're going to go the river and learn how to catch fish!" One student spoke up, "With explosives?" "You could, but I wouldn't unless you're truly desperate, that would kill every fish in the area. No, where going to make our own poles from branches! After we catch a few with our bare hands." Most of the class seemed a bit put off by that, "Okay, I'll give you a choice, fishing, or another expedition to find out which bugs are edible." He grinned and slapped his hands together. "Are _you_ edible?" Someone cracked and the class burst into laughter. "Human flesh_ is_ edible. It tastes like pork, actually." The class stopped laughing, a few turned green. Kidoumaru laughed maniacally, _This is going to be fun!_

Kankurou picked up a small, framed picture, "Is this you, Kiba?" Kiba nodded, "Yeah, that was when I first met Akamaru." "You were a cute little kid, what the hell happened to you, jan?" "Ha ha, every funny, Kitty..." Kankurou set the picture down, "Nobody but Hana and Tsume-San is allowed to call me that!" "Ooooh, what are you gonna' do about it, Kitty?" Kankurou smirked, "Hey, Hana, let's have Kiba neutered!" Tsume called out from the kitchen, "We can't do that, Kitty, then he'd be even lazier!" Kiba moaned, "Thanks a lot mom..." Kankurou smiled and walked over to Kiba, "Ah, I guess you're a good kid, it wasn't a_ total_ waste of time saving your tail, jan." He knelt and patted Akamaru on the head. Hana and Tsume came into the room, "Dinners ready you two. I'm glad you could come, Kankurou." "I'm grateful to be invited, Tsume-San." "Yeah, I bet Hana has him trained to do all of the cooking! He's so whipped, he makes Shikato-San look in charge!" Kankurou grabbed Kiba, put an arm around his neck and began giving him a noogie. "I'll show you whipped, brat!"

Kisame lay back in his cot and let his new girlfriend Suki feed him seedless grapes. A pretty girl, a beautiful location, and a good friend. 'Good' in a different sense of the word... Itachi was relaxing in the nearby Jacuzzi, his eyes closed and his face showing an almost happy expression. "Hey, Itachi, what do you say we go surfing later?" "I don't know how to surf." "Well, then, I'll teach ya'! Then we can go out clubbing, Suki says there's a dance club in the village... I bet you can't dance, either, right?" "Fugaku groomed me to fight and kill, 'fun' was never a part of my life." Kisame grinned, "Then we have a lot of catching up to do!" Itachi opened his eyes, "Kisame, may I ask you a question?" "Of course." "Why did you frighten the Nara boy?" "For laughs. You should have seen his face when I ripped off his boxers!" "I doubt he found it amusing." Itachi stepped out of the Jacuzzi and began to towel off, "It very nearly ruined my plans. We are fortunate the Oto-Ninja did not pursue us, I've heard that the Nara Clan has _adopted_ Kidoumaru, and, unlike my brother,_ he_ is quite capable of exacting revenge." "They adopted Kidoumaru!? What would a clan like that see in a piece of scum like him ?" "Only that he nearly died saving their son's life." Kisame sat up, "Kidoumaru saved Shikamaru's life? Why?" "Because he's changed, he's a 'good guy' now. Actually, all of the Oto-Nin that Akatsuki brought back have apparently reformed." "Who cares? Get dressed, we've places to go! C'mon, Suki, let's find a party!"

To be continued...


	114. Chapter 114

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 114

Kidoumaru and his students waded through the shallow water with their pant legs rolled up, looking into the water. Suddenly, Kidoumaru reached into the water and pulled out a fish, then held it up, "See, it's possible. This is a game of speed and skill, not to mention good hand-eye-coordination." He threw the fish into a web bag. "C'mon, we're catching our supper here, so we need a lot more than one fish!" Dosu waded into the water holding a long, thin stick, "What about spear fishing?" Kidoumaru looked up, "Excellent idea! All you need is a sharpened stick and good aim! And fish _to_ spear, of course..."

Shikamaru felt something soft on his shoulder and opened his eyes, "Boy, you are #! Lazy, aren't you?" He sat up a bit, rubbing his eyes, "I'm not lazy, I'm energetically challenged." Tayuya laughed at the joke. "I'm gonna' have to break you of that." She leaned over and kissed him on the neck. "Not here! What if someone comes in!?" "C'mon, we're just kissing, and let 'em #! Stare! I don't care." She began trailing kisses down his neck, "T-Tayuya, we could get in trouble!" She pulled back a bit, "Yeah, I guess I don't want your #! To get #! Fired." She pulled him to his feet and grinned, "So we'll have to find a more private place." She dragged him out of the classroom, "We can go out in the woods, find a nice, cozy spot..."

Kidoumaru stretched out lazily on the river bank, soaking up the sun. He'd let the students go home after he was confident that they'd learned something, so now he was just relaxing. He was glad he'd thought enough to wear shorts today, long pants would have been uncomfortable. Sakura watched from a nearby tree, _God, he's hot!_ Inner Sakura was quite happy with the view, _Should we go let him know we're here, or just enjoy the view?_ Sakura grinned, _Let's just watch, maybe he'll decide to go skinny-dipping!_ Sakura nearly fell out of the tree, and blood began gushing from her nose._ God, We're starting to sound as bad as Tayuya!_ She sighed,_ He's much too shy for that, anyway..._ "Hey Babe, why don't you come over here?"_ How did he know..._ She jumped from the tree and walked over, sitting beside him, "How'd you know I was here?" "I heard you. Are you alright, you seem to be breathing kind of heavy..." She blushed, "I'm fine..." _And so are you!_ "I was just... _Imagining you naked!_" Kidoumaru jumped up, blushing, _OH my God, I said that out loud! _Kidoumaru looked at her for a moment, then recovered, "C-can't resist my looks and charm, eh Babe?" She put a hand on his bare chest, "You_ are _sexy, arrogant and immature, but sexy." He grinned, "Thanks. And you're beautiful, a bit touchy, but beautiful." "Touchy!" "When you get upset with people, your first impulse is to hit them. Naruto, Sai, Konohamaru, Ino..." "Okay, okay! I'm touchy." He kissed her gently on the lips, "You're so pretty." He began stroking her long pink hair, "How did I ever find a girl like you?" Sakura giggled, "I found you, remember, you were my patient." "I'm starting to feel kind of weak, I might need some nursing to get me back in the game." Sakura smiled and pulled him closer, "I'm always happy to help a patient..."

"Why am I not surprised?" Sakon looked down at the prescription in his hand. "Is this really supposed to help?" "That's what the doc said. I heard Zaku's doing a lot better since getting on his meds." Ukon didn't sound convinced. "Yeah, but Zaku broke down _twice_ when he was here." Ukon had to admit, he had point, "Yeah, but Zaku is a lot worse off than we are, plus, he was facing the guy who blew his #! Arms off and walking around near the spot where he_ died_. That's gotta be stressful." He paused, "We have to try, little brother. If we try and it doesn't work, we don't lose anything, but if it does work, that's a lot better than where we are now." Sakon shrugged, "Since when do you make sense?" "I guess I'm just the smart one, Butt-Face." "I'm a lot smarter than you, Leech-Boy!"

To be continued...


	115. Chapter 115

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 115

"Brother, let's do something fun." Suigetsu looked at Sai in confusion, "You want to try to have fun?" "Yes. Sakon and Ukon believe that I have been experiencing some emotions, I wish to test that theory." "So, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, let's get the Twins and find a pleasurable activity." He paused, "I would also like to try cloud-watching."

Obito sensed something was out of place when he returned home, he could feel a presence, a _familiar_ presence. He rushed up to his room and opened the door, "Deidara-Sempai!" The Artist-Nin and current ruler of Iwagakure looked up at Obito in shock. "T...Tobi, is that you?" Deidara had never seen his face, he'd speculated and imagined what lay beneath, but he'd never seen it, it was... _Beautifully horrible_. "Tobi isn't Tobi anymore, Tobi is Uchiha Obito now." He frowned, "Obito's face bothers you?" Deidara shook himself out of it. "A... A little. I've never seen your face before, I never expected to. You're a bit older than I thought, un." He smiled, "I have a secret too, un." He lifted his shirt, revealing a sealed mouth on the right side of his chest, Obito gaped, "Another mouth!" "That's right. Aren't you going to ask why I'm here, un?" Obito smiled and sat down, "Why are you here?" "To see you. I wanted to see how you were making out here, un." Obito's eye lit up, "You care about Obito!?" "No, of course not! You're an annoying little retard! I just wanted to see..." Obito cut him off with a bear hug, "Obito knew you cared!" Deidara groaned, _What have I gotten myself into!_

Itachi groaned and held his head, _Oh man!_ He tried to pull himself out of bed, but a wave of vertigo held him back,_ How many drinks did I have last night?! _He thought back best he could to the hazy events of the previous night. There were girls, lots and lots of girls, an army of them, bright lights, loud music, dancing... Liquor... "Hey, Itachi!" Kisame walked into the room and started to turn on the lights, "NO!" Kisame stopped, then walked over, "Man, you look terrible. Don't worry, I know a good recipe to help hangovers." He was, mercifully, whispering. He went out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a foul-smelling drink. "I guess you weren't ready for that much partying." He handed the drink to Itachi, who swallowed it in one gulp, ignoring the terrible smell. "Thanks." he looked up at Kisame and smiled, "You're not here for my underwear, are you?"

"Sakura?" The girl looked at her boyfriend, "Yes?" He took a deep breath, "I have something I need to tell you." He looked her in the eye, "I... Orochimaru didn't force me to join him, I joined of my own free will. I wanted to get out of that boring village and enjoy the game. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to have fun, to be a real character instead of a part of the background." Sakura put her hand over one of his, "Did you know, did you know what he was?" His eyes fell, "The others warned me, everyone told me he was a monster, but I didn't care, I wanted to play." "How old were you?" "I was six." "You made a mistake. You chose to follow the wrong... Whatever Oro was. You had no way of knowing what would happen, what he would make you into." Kidoumaru clenched his fists, "I didn't_ care_... I... At first, it was hard, the... Killing, but I found out quick if I didn't kill I'd be killed, and I didn't want to die. So I killed, and eventually it got easy, it was just a big game, I didn't want to think of it as real, it was all a game, we were all characters and I wanted to win no matter what. I wasn't afraid of death anymore, it was just part of the game, but I didn't want to lose. I was the champion, I always had the highest score, except for the Snake, Doctor Death and Bone-Boy, and I wanted to stay on top, no matter the cost. It's funny, when Neji beat me, I wasn't scared or sad, I was pleased that I'd met such a strong opponent, and disappointed that the game was over." "It sounds... It sounds like you couldn't cope with what you had to do, so you made it all a game, to keep from suffering, to keep from having to face what you did. It's a... Common reaction among ninja, among soldiers, to deny the reality of having to kill by making it all just... A game, or a movie. I think you've started facing it now, and the pain and guilt have started." She stroked his cheek, "I think you're trying to make peace with what you've done. I'm proud of you." "You don't... Hate me?" She smiled, "For a genius, you can be a real idiot. Of course I don't hate you, I believe you want to make things right, and I'll help you in any way I can." He leaned forward and put his chin on her shoulder, "Thanks."

Sai pointed to a passing cloud, "That one resembles a pig." "Yeah, I guess so." Suigetsu smiled, "What do you think of when you think of pigs?" "I think of pigs. I think of pork and farms, I think of TonTon, Shizune's pet pig. I also think of Yamanaka Ino." Suigetsu and the Twins laughed at that, "Is that humorous?" Ukon grinned, "You just called Ino a pig!" "But, she does not find it humorous when I call her 'Pig', in fact, she becomes enraged and hits me..." "Then hit her back! Don't let these fools beat on you, you can take any of them in a fight!" Sakon sat upright, "I'd be careful about hitting Sakura though, you'd probably have to kill Kidoumaru when he came after you to get revenge."

"You need to be careful, Deidara-Sempei, Kankurou-San is in Konoha, and he hates you for hurting Gaara-Sama." Deidara thought for a moment, "Oh, that little puppeteer, I remember him, I thought Sasori-Danna killed him, un." "No, Sakura healed him. He's Ambassador to Konoha now, and he married an Inuzuka!" "The Dog-People?" He shook his head, "I don't care about Puppet-Boy. I heard all the kids came here, un." "Yeah, it was Kidoumaru who helped bring Obito back, he told them Obito was alive, so they came to rescue Obito!" Deidara smiled, "So, they were after you? I thought..." "What the hell is he doing here?" Kakashi had come home...

To be continued...


	116. Chapter 116

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 116

Deidara looked at Kakashi innocently, "I just came to check up on Tobi, un." "His name is Obito! And you're a wanted criminal!" Deidara shook his head, "No, when I took over Iwa, I pardoned myself! Rank has it's privileges, un! Not to mention I _killed_ Pein and _destroyed_ Akatsuki." "Deidara is Obito's friend!" Kakashi flinched, _That could complicate things... I wonder how many more of 'Tobi's' old friends are going to be coming to call..._ "You really do look like Ino..." "Who the hell is this 'Ino' person, anyway, un?!"

In a forest clearing, Tayuya sat cross-legged on the ground, playing a melody for Shikamaru. Suddenly, she stopped, "Shikamaru?" "Yeah?" "How the #! Can you #! Forgive me? I was gonna' #! Torture you to death, Twice! Are you that #! Good?" Shikamaru looked at her for a moment, "Holding grudges is too troublesome, the past is dead, why waste time and energy thinking about it?" Tayuya turned a bit red, "How do you #! Know this isn't all some #! Sick game to get your #! Alone and #! Kill you!?" She caught a brief flicker of emotion, but it was too fast to recognize. He leaned forward, "Because you're not evil. You just had a bad life..." "And that makes it alright? Kidoumaru said I was #! Pure evil, and he was right. I would have killed your little #! In a heartbeat five years ago, even though you were trying not to #! Hurt me, and if Kidoumaru hadn't let you go last time, do you have any #! Idea what we were going to do to your lazy #!? And you can just #! Forgive me? How can you be so #! Nice?" Shikamaru sighed loudly, "You hurt me, you hurt me a lot, and I had a lot of nightmares about you. I haven't forgotten, and I'm not making excuses for you, but I have forgiven you. Now you have to forgive yourself. And you're _not_ evil, if you were evil, you wouldn't be feeling guilty about what you did." He closed his eyes, "You don't think I've made mistakes, done things I'm ashamed of, because I have .My very first mission and I almost lost my entire team to the Oto-Five, and I suffered with that a long time. Because I was too _slow _figuring out Hidan's tricks Asuma-Sensei _died_... and I still haven't completely forgiven myself for that But I can't change it, so I try to do better, to make sure it never happens again. And I'm not the only one, Kidoumaru still hasn't forgiven himself for the fact that his team, you included, died. He thinks it was his fault, that he was too reckless, too cocky..." "Kidoumaru feels guilty that we died? He blames himself for it?" "Yes. He does care about you guys, even if he doesn't show it, but that's beside the point, right now the point is _you_. You have to put this behind you, or you'll go insane." He put his arms around her, "I don't want that to happen, I love you."

Ukon suddenly had an idea, "Hey, Sai, have you ever tried to experience _Fear_? It is the most basic emotion known to man." "No, I have been conditioned to be completely without fear." Ukon grinned, "Perhaps you just haven't seen anything frightening enough..." "I have been in many life-threatening situations, and have felt absolutely nothing." "Have you ever had another person crawling around inside your body?" Everyone looked at Ukon, "The Parasitic Demon Jutsu!? Are you nuts, you could kill him!" Ukon shook his head, "You have so little faith in me, little brother. I am an expert, I know what I'm doing. Sai, would you be willing to risk your life to feel fear?" "No!" Suigetsu growled, "If you touch him, I'll kill you!" "That is my decision, Suigetsu. I could not possibly feel fear without an element of risk. Alright, Ukon, you may attempt to frighten me..." Ukon pulled himself from Sakon's body and moved toward Sai, transformed into Cursed Seal mode, then melted into him as their respective brothers looked on in horror. "I feel a strange..._ Slithering_, as if, I had a serpent crawling inside..." He shuddered, "I feel... Pain, I actually feel pain." "GET OUT OF HIM NOW!" Suigetsu shouted, and Sai's body twitched oddly. His eyes widened slightly, he could feel his heartbeat increasing. "Ukon, you're killing him, get out!" Sai caught motion from the corner of his eye as Ukon's head emerged from his shoulder, _Get off!_ Ukon opened his mouth, revealing long fangs, he felt something welling inside of him, something unpleasant. An arm emerged from his side,_ It's horrible! He's bursting out of my body!_ He couldn't hear the others shouting at Ukon, he felt weak, and then the pressure in his chest exploded. Sai screamed, striking at Ukon, trying to force him away, force him out of his body. Ukon slid out and crouched in the grass nearby. "I'll kill you!" Suigetsu rushed Ukon, but Sai's hands pulled him back. He was breathing heavily and shaking, his eyes wide and confused, "T-t-this feeling... That... _Thing_, inside of me... _Crawling_, pushing out of my body!" Sai's fear had begun to subside, and he was regaining his composure, "This fear is... Most_ unpleasant_... Thank you, Ukon. It was an... _Enlightening_ experience."

"Are you saying I look like a little girl, un!?" Kakashi smiled under his mask, "Don't let Ino hear you calling her 'little'." Deidara shook his fist, "If I wasn't in the middle of your village, I'd bomb you to hell for that, un!"Kakashi turned to Obito, "Your friend sure has a temper, doesn't he?" "Yes, Deidara-Sempai was always blowing Tobi up!" Deidara's eyes widened, _What's he gonna' do.._. "I knew he'd survive it, un! You can't kill the little re... Guy... I wasn't trying to kill him!" "You always said you wanted to kill Tobi." Obito said happily, "But Obito knows you didn't mean it."

Kidoumaru picked up Sakura in his arms, "It's getting late, babe, and I don't want to miss dinner." He grinned, "So, after classes tomorrow?" "Okay, Jailbait." He laughed, "Watch it, I might throw you in the river." She put her arms around his neck, "I doubt you want to commit suicide." He flashed his white teeth, "I never forfeit, and I never throw a game. I play to win." He kissed her, "C'mon, I don't want to be out too late, I might get another spanking."

To be continued...


	117. Chapter 117

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 117

There was blood everywhere, the screaming still rung in his ears. He'd killed them all, his entire clan, his own parents. Itachi had no love for Fugaku, but he still felt a flicker of emotion as he looked down at his mother's corpse... Uchiha Mikoto had always been good to him, and he had given her a quick death as repayment. He turned away, not wanting to look at her, at what he'd done. He looked down dispassionately at his father, _You wanted a ninja, a perfect soldier, and here he is. Are you proud of me now, father? _He sighed... There was still more to do, and this would be the hardest of all, Sasuke would be home soon, to find his parent's corpses and his brother standing condemned above their bodies. He would have to be molded with hate to become... Itachi pushed the thought away. For a moment, just for a moment, he considered trying to kill Madara, but he quickly came back to his training, A ninja must put the good of his village and the will of his Hokage above all else, even his own family, even his own soul. He'd sacrificed everything, Shisui, the only real friend he'd ever had, his parents, and soon, his brother's love, _Sasuke's soul._ He steeled himself, hearing the small footsteps running towards the room.

Itachi sat up, wiping his eyes, they were wet, _Tears?_ He looked at his hands, those bloodstained hands. Of course, this was not the body he was born with, but it didn't matter, whatever body it was, the blood-stained soul remained the same. He silently cursed the day he had been born, the day Madara had been born, and the day those two twisted souls had met.

Sasuke really didn't care anymore. He'd come home to find Deidara chatting with Obito and Kakashi, and simply shrugged and went to his room, collapsing into bed. If Deidara was here to cause trouble, then Kakashi would kill him. He yawned and pulled a blanket over himself. It was time for a fresh start. Madara was dead, and he didn't care about Itachi anymore, one way or the other, it was time for Sasuke to focus on life, _his_ life. He'd never thought much about the Oto-Five after they aided his escape, and he hadn't cared when he learned that they'd all been killed, but now... They were among the few people who would still talk to him without hatred or disgust in their voices. They were probably the only people outside of Obito, Kakashi, Naruto and Lee who still treated him as a human being. His little stunt with Ino had all but destroyed his reputation, if not his welcome, in Konoha. Ironically, the very person he'd sought to hurt in that debacle, Kidoumaru, had been among the first to forgive him. _I'll have to rebuild, I'll have to atone somehow, there are people, like Inoichi, who can never forgive me, but I don't blame him. In Inoichi's shoes, I'd have killed me by now. But there are people who can forgive me, but I'll have to earn it, somehow, I'll have to make things right._

Kidoumaru pulled Bearington J. Bearry closer, if his students saw him sleeping with a teddy bear in his arms, he'd lose all credibility with the brats. But he loved Bearington, for years he'd been the only friend he had, the only one he could trust. Now he had many friends, _trusted_ friends, and he even had a family and a girlfriend. The pretty little pink-haired Kunoichi was the first girl to ever love him, six arms and all. In disguise, with his extra arms hidden, girls frequently hit on him, only to recoil in disgust if they learned what he was hiding. So he ignored them and grew used to the fact that he'd never have a girl. Then Sakura had come along, seen his arms and heard his blood-soaked story, and she hadn't been disgusted. She was_ attracted_ to him, his _body_ and his _soul_... She was quite a girl, quite a _woman_.

Sai trembled slightly as he stood naked in front of his bathroom mirror, he looked at his side, where he had clearly seen Ukon's arm emerge, and there was no damage, he looked at his shoulder where the Twin had pushed his head out, no wound. His pale body was covered in scars, life in ROOT had not been easy, and Danzo had been without restraint or mercy in his training methods. Yet Ukon had merged with his body as a parasite and left no wounds on his alabaster skin, how such a thing was possible was a mystery to Sai, but it had happened. And something else had happened that should have been impossible, he had felt fear, no, it was more than fear, it was_ terror_. ROOT had desensitized him to every possible horror they could imagine, but the Parasitic Demon Jutsu was beyond their knowledge. He felt a strange sensation when he wondered how Kiba, without ROOT training, had been able to cope as admirably as he had when he was the victim of Ukon's horrific jutsu. "Are you alright?" Sai turned as Suigetsu walked into the room, "Yes, there are no wounds, no marks from Ukon's jutsu on my body." "That's incredible. I guess he really does know what he's doing." He examined Sai's shoulder, "It's incredible." He paused, " So you can feel fear... We need to find a more positive emotion."

Tayuya lay awake in bed, _He really has forgiven me. After all the #! I put him through, after hurting him so #! Bad he had #! Nightmares... I've done so many terrible things, but he can still #! Love me. I have to #! Forgive my #! Self, but I know me better than anyone... I was a #! Horrible person, but I died, and I'm trying to go #! Straight, how much suffering is enough? The past is dead, it doesn't matter anymore, I have to #! Focus on living. Yeah, it's a whole new me! Tayuya of Otogakure is gone, I'm Tayuya of Konohagakure now!_ She grinned, _And Lazy Boy is all mine..._

To be continued...


	118. Chapter 118

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 118

Kidoumaru walked quickly toward the Academy, he still had a while, but he wanted to prepare some special 'surprises' for his students. "Kidoumaru." He turned to see someone he had hoped not to see, he'd never actually met Hyuuga Hiashi, but he had seen pictures. "Hiashi-Sama?" The Hyuuga seemed almost as cold a people as the Uchiha, outside of Hinata, at least, and Hiashi had been the loudest voice on the council calling for Kidoumaru's death when he'd first arrived. He walked over to the boy and looked him in the eyes, 'You've proven me wrong, boy. I believed that you could not be trusted, especially as you had unraveled the secrets of the Byakugan, but you've proven yourself a valuable ally to this village. I misjudged you badly and nearly cost you your life. I would like to apologize for that." Kidoumaru was stunned silent, the head of the Main Branch of the Hyuuga clan apologizing to a foreign nobody like him? "Thank you. It's alright, I'd have probably done the same thing in your position." Hiashi smiled thinly, "Somehow, I doubt it." He nodded politely and walked away.

Sasuke was surprised to find Deidara fast asleep in the guest room of Obito's house. _They let him stay overnight?_ He shook his head, _The world's going crazy._ He shrugged and walked downstairs to get breakfast.

Orochimaru's cold, pale hand stroked his cheek, "Itachi, you are a very beautiful boy, aren't you?" Itachi flinched involuntarily, he'd heard it before, of course, from men even, but this... "This is why you dismissed Kabuto?" His voice was calm and steady. Orochimaru leered at him, "I can bring him back in, if you want." "I want you to take your hands off of me." The Serpent hissed, "What you want doesn't really matter." He shoved the Uchiha, hurling him into a wall, and Itachi pulled out a sword, "Now don't be like that boy, you'll only make it harder on yourself." Itachi swung at the beast, and Orochimaru dodged easily, "Oh, a fighter! This will be fun." Itachi moved to swing again, and Orochimaru dodged left, only to be hit from a right swing, his right hand fell to the floor. The Snake screamed and clutched at his bloody wrist, "YOU LITTLE #!" Itachi swung again, the blow would have killed the Sannin, had he not teleported away. A large number of guards rushed into the room and attacked, only to be killed or driven off. Itachi calmly walked down the hallway, word had spread quickly among the Sepent's servants, the few guards he saw pulled back, not willing to die for their loathsome master. That little idiot with the ridiculous hair tried to stop him, but a punch in the stomach left him floored. Itachi looked down at the boy, "He's not worth it, Abumi. He doesn't care about you, he'll be the death of you." Zaku shouted profanities at him as he struggled to get up, Itachi merely shook his head and walked on, turning his back, not about to lower himself to kill such a pathetic creature. The Oto-Five stood in the doorway to the outside, blocking his path, he readied his sword. The smart one, Kidoumaru, was staring at the blade, knowing better than to look at his face, his eyes. "Pull back." "WHAT #!? Are you #! Nuts, Orochimaru-Sama will..." "I'll take responsibility, just pull back!" The kids stepped aside, "You _are_ a genius." Itachi walked past the small group and into the sunlight, then took to the trees.

"So that's how it happened, huh?" Kisame sat back and picked up his drink, "I take it Bone-Boy wasn't there?" Itachi shrugged, "They usually kept him in a cage, he was too dangerous. Kaguya Kimimaro would have been an interesting opponent, but what I wonder is, where was Kabuto? He was, from what little I've seen of him in action, a Jonin-level or higher ninja, he could have put up a reasonable fight." "So, after that you reported that he was a traitor and had him kicked out of Akatsuki?" "Yes, a pity he escaped, that Serpent was a true coward. I was proud when I heard that Sasuke had killed him." He looked toward the window, where the beach was visible, "We can't live like this forever, we have to get money somehow. Kakuzu has probably already taken any Akatsuki funds that remained." Kisame yawned, "There's always a job available for ninja, even, or especially, for Missing-Nins like us, a few assassination contracts for cowards who don't want to face their enemies themselves, some guard duty, I'll scare up something, don't worry about that. Every government has it's dirty little secrets to protect, and they pay well..."

The class had begun training in the Forest of Death, for the moment they were merely learning the terrain and what to avoid. "Okay brats, who's ready to go camping!" Dosu and a few others liked the idea, but most appeared hesitant, "Ninja don't always have a nice soft bed with mommy to tuck them in at night, we have to sleep under the stars, a_ lot_. Sometimes we even have to sleep in the rain or snow. Hardship is part of the game, and it's best you learn how to deal with it now." A few more nodded in agreement, "Okay! We'll have to get your parent's permission, I don't want them to think I've kidnapped you or something. " he paused, being a ninja was also dangerous, some of these kids probably _didn't_ have parents, "If you don't have parents, get permission from your guardians, if you live alone... Just..." he was a bit distracted by that thought, he knew Naruto had lived alone for years, so it wasn't impossible, even in an 'enlightened' village like this one, for a child to be simply abandoned. "Just tell me, and I'll make sure you have whatever you need. Okay, now we get down to work..." Dosu grinned, "Haven't you forgotten something?" Kidoumaru looked at him in confusion. "When is this camping trip?" Kidoumaru put a hand over his face and shook his head, _Man, I'm getting forgetful in my old age! _"It's this weekend... Sorry about that, I got distracted, if this was a battle, I'd be dead by now." He clapped his hands, "Okay, today I'm gonna' teach you maggots how to make shelters with available resources..."

"His powers make him dangerous, you have to be able to control him if he's to attend a normal school." The principle leaned forward on her desk, "It takes so little to provoke him." Akira frowned, he'd been called down to the school to learn that Zaku had blasted a kid who was bullying him into a wall, "He wasn't hurt, Zaku has excellent control over his abilities." "But_ not_ his _temper_. Look, I know he's had a horrific life, but he can't go around taking it out on other people." Akira shook his head, "From what I hear, it was the other boy who started it. Zaku has a right to defend himself from bullies, especially since the _school_ won't." The principle shrunk back a bit at that, "We can't possibly keep all of our students from mistreating others..." "Then those others have a right to do it themselves." Akira bowed slightly, "I'll talk to him about violence being a last resort, but I won't tell him to just let himself be beat up because he's stronger than the other kids. Good day, ma'am." The principle opened her mouth to speak, but Akira was already gone.

Zaku followed Akira out, "So you're not mad?" "No, you were defending yourself. I don't like violence, and if you can find a way to avoid a situation like that, do so. If not, just be careful not to hurt the other guy. We both know that you're much stronger than any of the other kids here, except Kin, of course." Zaku nodded, "I know, but he said that me and that Snake had..." Akira sighed, "Then he's _evil_ as well as stupid, joking about something like that." He paused, "We've been thinking, and we've already talked to Kin, we love you both, but if we adopt _both_ of you, then you obviously couldn't have a relationship, you'd be brother and sister. So we've decided to adopt _you_, Zaku, and act as Kin's official guardians." Zaku stopped in his tracks, "Y-you want to adopt _me_? Why... Why not Kin?" "Because we thought you'd be better off this way, and Kin agreed." Zaku stood silent for a moment, and Akira noticed his lower lip quivering, suddenly Zaku wrapped around him, sobbing.

To be continued...


	119. Chapter 119

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 119

Tsunade was not used to entertaining terrorists, and Deidara's arrogant, and frankly rude, behavior didn't help. "The council doesn't believe that you can be trusted, and neither do I. You're a terrorist, a murderer and a lunatic." Deidara grinned broadly, "You forgot '_artist_'." "Unfortunately, your idea of art is killing people." Deidara turned red, "Any fool can kill people, un! I am a Master of the Art of Explosives! Would you say a _Ninja Puppeteer_ was just a murderer?!" Tsunade rubbed her forehead,_ I almost forgot, when Kankurou-San gets wind of this . . . _"I'd say _Sasori_ was little more than a murderer, he had great skill, but he used it to kill people, and not just in battle, he outright murdered people!" Deidara gritted his teeth, but held back, "You're not being very diplomatic, Hokage-Sama, I'm here to talk about peaceful relations, not the past, un." Before Tsunade could reply a certain Ninja Puppeteer burst in uninvited, "YOU!" Tsunade stood quickly, "Kankurou-San, don't do anything stupid!" Kankurou just glared at the Artist-Nin, "You killed Gaara! You filthy scum!" "You got him back, didn't you? No harm, no foul, un." Both men jumped as Tsunade brought her fist down on her desk, shattering it to splinters, "The next one of you to mouth off is going to end up just like that! Kankurou, shut up! We're in the middle of negotiations here! And Gaara has already made a treaty with Iwagakure, do you want to start a war over something he's forgiven?!" Kankurou snarled at Deidara, "This isn't over, blondie, jan." Tsunade moved toward the Puppeteer, "I warned you, Puppet-Boy! I'm gonna' break you in half!" Kankurou yelped and ran out of the office as Tsunade shook her fist at him. "Humph, that was easy... Now where were we?" Deidara shuddered, _This chick is nuts!_

Kidoumaru spread leaves over the top of the lean-to he'd constructed with sticks and branches, "The leaves will provide insulation, as well as shade from the sun and cover from the rain or snow. But be sure to use thick layers, not just a few leaves." He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, "Okay, get into your teams and make your own shelters." He walked around, watching as the students built their own lean-to's. He walked over to where Team Eight was working, Dosu, as expected was making a perfect lean-to, after all, he'd had the same wilderness training as Kidoumaru himself. His teammates, Kara and Yoshi, were helping best they could and learning quickly. "Good work, guys. Keep it up." He suddenly shot up, as did Dosu, "Everyone in the trees! NOW!" Even as everyone lept to safety in the branches, a massive wild boar charged into the clearing, grunting angrily. Kidoumaru spoke calmly, "Wild boars can tear a man to pieces. They can't lift their heads though, and they can't climb. So, if you run into a wild boar, take to the trees or some other high place." Kidoumaru howled in perfect imitation of a wolf, and the boar fled, squealing. "Imitating a predator should scare them off, but not always." A few minutes later, he jumped back to the ground, "We'll wait a little while, just to make sure he stays gone. Everyone stay on your toes."

Shikamaru squirmed as Tayuya forcefully groped him, "Tayuya!" She smirked, "Somebody's got to make the #! Moves in this relationship you lazy #!" "Help! Rape!" Tayuya laughed, "If I was gonna' #! rape you, you'd know it." Shikamaru thought as best he could with Tayuya's hands wandering all over him, "Tayuya, did you ever find Kidoumaru attractive?" Tayuya stopped for a moment, "He's... Kind of cute, for a #! six-armed freak. If you #! Tell him I said that I'll #! Rip your #! Balls off!" She pulled back a bit and frowned, "Why, do you?" Shikamaru's eyes went wide, "NO! I was just wondering, I mean, he's not ugly, and you've known him for a long time. . ." Tayuya sighed, "This is my first #! Relationship, all the #! Boys I knew in Oto were either freaks or #! Sadistic #! Or both. Most would have #! Killed me given half the chance, to get my position. We were always getting challenged by #! Punks who thought they'd take us down and get into the Five, but most of them were #! Cowards who #! wet themselves whenever we #! Walked by. Most of them went for Kidoumaru 'cause he was the #! Leader, besides #! Bone-Boy, that is, but a lot of #! Went after me, thinking I was weak because I was a girl. Idiots, I killed all their #!" Shikamaru stroked her hair, "It must have been tough." "Tough, it was a #! Hell-hole! If you showed the slightest bit of #! Weakness, you were dead, they'd #! Eat you alive. You wouldn't have #! Lasted five #! Minutes." She shook her head, "You'd probably have saved some poor #! Fool from getting his #! killed, and he'd have turned around and cut your #! Throat. That was Otogakure." "Do you ever wonder, what it's like now?" "I've tried my #! Best to forget that #! Place, I don't want to go there again, even if they made it into a #! Paradise. . . The memories would still be there."

"Hey, Naruto." Kidoumaru walked over to the blonde, "How ya' doin'?" "Fine! Me and Hinata are going to the movies tonight!" "I'm on my way to the hospital, Sakura had to work late today." Naruto grinned broadly, but Kidoumaru wondered what he was thinking, he knew that the boy had been chasing Sakura for years, and now she was involved with someone else. "So, how was class?" Kidoumaru let out an exaggerated sigh, "Murder. Those brats are vicious. And we ran into a wild boar, an _angry_ wild boar." "Really?" Naruto was interested. "Yeah, but we all took to the trees before he could put us out of the game. I drove him off with a wolf call, there was no real reason to kill him." Naruto laughed, "Hey, did you know there's a rumor going around that you're a cannibal?" "Yeah, Shikamaru and Dosu already told me. If it gets the brats listening and learning, I don't mind." "Are you a cannibal?" Kidoumaru grinned evilly, "Maybe..." Naruto's eyes widened. "Well, I gotta' go, see ya' Kit." Kidoumaru waved and walked off, leaving a slack-jawed Naruto behind.

Kidoumaru bumped into The Twins as they were coming out from their therapy session with Dr. Masume. "Hey, how are you guys doing?" "Tired." Sakon replied, "It's funny how just talking can wear you out." "I heard about you and Sai, Ukon. That was crazy, but it sounds like it worked." Ukon smiled, "What can I say, I'm a genius, unlike stupid here." Sakon glared at his brother, "What was that, Pig-Face?" "Stupid and deaf! I need a t-shirt_, I'm With Stupid!_" "You know you're just jealous because I'm the good-looking one...." He paused, "Life screwed us making us like this, so why didn't it make us ugly? Then we wouldn't have been..." He paused, his fists clenching, "#! I wish we were ugly...." Neither Ukon nor Kidoumaru responded to that. Ukon finally spoke up, "And I wish I'd been able to kill him, but we can't change a #! Thing in the past, can we?" Kidoumaru shuddered slightly, he knew about what Orochimaru did, he had been too afraid of the Snake, Kabuto and Kimimaro to do anything to stop it. _What was I supposed to do, tell someone? Everyone already knew, and they either didn't care or were scared like me._ He actually_ had _tried something, tried to protect someone, once, when he'd first arrived, and had spent two horrible months in the labs paying for his courage. _Another way I failed my team..._ "Spider-Butt, are you alright? You look all zoned out." "I... I'm sorry. I should have at least tried to help you." His gaze seemed distant somehow, "They'd have killed you or stuck back in the labs. You'd never have gotten past Bones, much less the Snake-Faced #! And Four-Eyes." Sakon sighed and Ukon spoke up, "Besides, you always took good care of us." "Hey, sexy." Sakura stepped out of the hospital, "Waiting for me?" Ukon grinned, "Yeah, we are sexy, aren't we. Let's go to my place and..." Kidoumaru stuck a hand over the Twin's mouth. "Sorry about that, Ukon learned manners from a wild boar." He yelped and pulled back his hand as Ukon bit it. "See ya' later, Sakura. Don't trust Spider-Butt here, he's got six wandering hands..." Ukon laughed, "If it doesn't work out, call me." "You little maggot! Hitting on my girlfriend!" The Twins took off. "Six wandering hands, huh? I only have two..." One of which quickly found it's way to the Spider-Nin's behind. . .

"Kazekage-Sama," Baki bowed before his leader, "There are two ninja from Konohagakure at the gate seeking entry. One is Kotaro of The Wasps, the other I do not know, but I recognize from the Chuunin exams. The one who fought the Beast-Nin." "What do they want?" Gaara asked. "To buy supplies." Gaara nodded, "Let them in." The two figures walked down the hot, sandy streets of Sunagakure, seemingly unconcerned with the heat. Gaara approached, with Baki by his side. "You've come a long way for supplies." Kotaro grinned, "A very long way, Kazekage-Sama, thus far we've been to Otogakure, Iwagakure and Kirigakure. I want my student to learn about the other nations." Gaara nodded, "An excellent idea. And _your_ name is..." He snapped his fingers, "Hiro, Correct?" "Yes, Kazekage-Sama." "I remember you from the Chuunin exams, you made a very impressive showing." Hiro bowed respectfully, "Thank you, Kazekage-Sama." "You are welcome to all of the hospitality of our village." The travelers thanked him once again. They had traveled by night to avoid the heat of the desert sun, and intended to stay a few days before heading of to Amegakure and it's far more suitable climate. After parting ways with Anji in Kiri, they'd struck out for Sunagakure, and Hiro could honestly say that he disliked the area intensely, so hot and barren. He preferred forests and rivers, places filled with life. There was much life in the desert, of course, but most of it hid beneath the sands to avoid the heat of day, and was rarely seen. The life in the desert was as hard and merciless as the desert itself. The people were often the same, outside of Kankurou, all the Suna-Nin Hiro had met were grim and humorless, at least on the surface. But then, so was Hiro.

Abumi Zaku watched as the final papers were signed, the final _adoption_ papers. He was shaking with excitement, anxiety and energy. He felt an arm go around his shoulder and found Eiji was hugging him, he felt someone take his hand and looked over to see Kin smiling at him. _I never thought that this could happen. I'm just a street rat, a thief, a guy who used to work as a killer for a frickin' monster. But they want me, they actually want me... _He bit his lip to keep from crying, and Eiji pulled him closer, "Well, bro..." He tried to say something else, but he couldn't seem to get it out. Akira and Tomoe walked over and joined in the hug. "Welcome to the family, Zaku."

To be continued...


	120. Chapter 120

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 120

"Hiashi-Sama must be getting senile, letting his daughter date you, Demon Brat!" Naruto growled at the man, "Take that back!" The man responded with a punch, only to find his fist caught in a crushing grip, "You heard the man, apologize." Kidoumaru caught the man's other hand, then a foot in mid-kick. "Freak! Let go of me!" Kidoumaru smiled, "Sure." He flung the bully backwards about fifty feet, sending him crashing into a wall. "Kidoumaru, I _am_ a ninja, I can take care of myself, dattebayo." Kidoumaru stalked over to his opponent, "Yeah, but you _won't_, you're too nice to put these trash characters down." He glared down at the man he'd just thrown, "You trash really make me sick. Treating good people like filth because they're different than you. You've tortured this kid his whole life because he had the bad luck of being jinkuurichi. He saved your whole village and all of your worthless lives and you spit in his face!" He leaned over, "It ends _now_. Naruto may be too nice to kick your worthless tails, but I'm a whole different game. Tell all your bigot friends, leave the kid alone, or I'll show you how we deal with your kind of useless trash in Otogakure." He straightened up and smiled, "Well, that takes care of the trash." He walked over to where Sakura was waiting. "Not that I'm ungrateful, but, why do you keep doing that? I'm used to these creeps." "Well I'm not. As far as I'm concerned, they can all go to hell. You deserve better. Besides, I hate trash like that." "You'll just get yourself in trouble." He wrapped an arm around Sakura, "I'm always in trouble, right, Babe?" "No, you're sweet." "I thought you said I was a delinquent." She snuggled closer to him, "You are, but you're a sweet delinquent." Naruto gagged, "Get a room you two! You're as bad as Hana and Kankurou, dattebayo!" He looked over at the man lying in the dirt, "Thanks, Kidoumaru, but I'd rather handle it my way. I want them to _respect_ me, not to_ fear_ me." Kidoumaru smiled, "We better go, say hi to Hinata for me." He turned to Sakura, "Lets go to The Barbeque Rack and get some meat!"

_That was too easy, for an S-Class criminal, this guy's a wimp._ Tsunade smiled as Deidara left, a few threats and a small display of her power had convinced him to shut up and listen to her proposals. The council probably wouldn't like it, but, then again, since when did the council like anything beyond their paychecks and pet projects? Of course, not everyone on the council was self-righteous, twisted, bigoted fiend like Danzo, Shikato was too lazy to be a problem and was generally good-hearted, Inoichi thought much like Tsunade herself, and some of the others had broad minds. Since Danzo's stroke, the gentler members of the council were in the majority. Still, they would be wary of an alliance with Iwagakure, at least while Deidara was in charge. But they'd approved relations with Amegakure, even though Konan was a former Akatsuki member as well.

Kankurou was leaning against a tree, waiting for Deidara as the Artist-Nin exited the Hokage tower. "About time. I've been waiting for you, jan." Deidara glared at the boy, "You want to make trouble, Puppet-Boy, un?" Kankurou stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled over, "Yes, but I won't. I'm not going to risk war by killing you, but I can't forgive you for what you did to Gaara, jan." Deidara gave his manic smile, "That's good, I'd hate to have to kill you, the last thing I need is the Inuzuka clan on my tail, un." He started to walk away, then turned, "Oh, that reminds me. We sealed up the area around the Sealing Statue, Shukaku is doubly trapped. No one wants that thing lose. I figured your brother would want to know that thing won't be coming back, un." _Shukaku, imprisoned forever? No, not forever, eventually he'll either escape or maybe he'll even die somehow, but that should be long after we're gone. I hope it's in torment for what it did to Gaara, to all of us._ He nodded slightly, "Thanks." Deidara looked at him in surprise, "Er, sure. Don't mention it, un."

"More to table twelve." A waiter walked into the kitchen. "More what?" "More of everything. It's the Akimichi boy and Jirobou." The cook shuddered, it was going to be a long day... Chouji and Jirobou sat in a back corner of the Barbeque Rack, out of sight of any jerks who might criticize their eating habits. "Hey, Kido and Sakura just walked in." Chouji sucked down a plate of beef, "I wonder what they're gonna' eat?" Jirobou grabbed a whole chicken and started tearing the meat from the bones. "I dunno', after this next course, let's get dessert!" The couple didn't see the boys in back, and sat down at a table near the front, "Let's see, I think I'll have a large pork and beef platter, no vegetables!" Kidoumaru laughed, "What about you, Babe?" Sakura looked over the menu, "I think I'll have a salad." Kidoumaru shook his head, "I'm with Kankurou-San on that one, vegetables are for rabbits! Give me meat!" Sakura laughed, "Does that make me a cute little bunny?" "Naw, that makes you a nice, _sexy_ bunny." He looked up and saw a waiter wheeling out a tray piled high with food, "I see Jirobou and Chouji are here..."

In The Forest of Death, a pair of unwanted visitors sat around a small campsite. The men both bore the symbol of Kirigakure, scratched through, on their headbands, "I'm bored, I want to kill something!" One man said, "I haven't killed anyone in days." The other man smiled, revealing rotten teeth, "Well, those brats'll probably be back tomorrow, we can kill_ them_. The teacher looks tough though, and he's Oto." The first man pulled out a blade, "You are a _coward_, Takada, afraid of a Chuunin." Takada shook his head, "I'm not afraid, I'm cautious, Goro, we need to take him down first, then we can have fun."

To be continued...


	121. Chapter 121

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 121

"Okay, brats, today I'm gonna' teach you how to use the terrain to your tactical advantage. You can use just about anything for cover, weaponry, camouflage . . . Did you know, if you use enough force, you can kill a man with an ordinary pencil?" Kidoumaru pulled out a pencil and grinned, then flung it at a tree trunk, driving it about an inch into the wood. "You can kill someone with just about anything outside of . . ." He turned suddenly and held up a hand, "Someone's watching us." "Very impressive." A tall man walked out of the bushes, and Kidoumaru immediately noted the scarred symbol. He automatically positioned himself for combat even as a second man emerged. "Missing-Nin? I suggest you leave, now." The first man laughed, showing his rotten teeth, "I think not. We're here for some fun, see, we're gonna' kill all of you." The other man several senbon at the Spider-Nin, who knocked them out of the air with a burst of webbing and immediately activated his Cursed Seal. "You're not going to live long enough to regret that." The men looked on in shock as the black lines began to slither across his skin, and he flung kunai and senbon in their direction even as he changed. "What the hell is that?!" Kidoumaru was now in full Cursed Seal mode, and he was shaking with rage, how dare they attack these kids! "It's some kind of demon!" Takada and Goro began making hurried jutsu as Kidoumaru summoned his bow, "Get out of here! Run!" He drew back his bow and prepared to release, but the men vanished into thin air. "We're Jonin, Demon-Boy, it's not gonna' be that easy!" He caught a flash from the corner of his eye and dodged just in time to avoid a barrage of senbon. Dosu hurled a kunai in the direction the attack had come from, but hit only air. "Cowards, show yourselves!" Kidoumaru shouted, searching for his opponents, but they were concealing their Chakra far too well. He took note of his students Chakra, most were already a good distance away, but . . . "Dosu, go with the others! The other guy, he's after them!" A senbon struck him in the second left arm. He turned and began to cover the whole area in webbing, _This filth might be invisible, but he has to touch ground sometime._ His yellow eyes were glowing with fury, and he was so enraged he couldn't feel the wound,_ I have to take him down fast and go help the others . . ._ He had faith in Dosu's abilities, but he didn't want to leave him without backup.

Dosu felt out with his Chakra, he could feel his classmates, but the attacker was well hidden, _These guys really are Jonin!_ His eyes darted about, and he saw a disturbance among the leaves, and knew who it was. He dodged a kunai and let loose with a full blast of Sonic Fang. There was a scream and the sound of a falling body, and Dosu smiled as he saw the prone form of Goro laying broken on the ground . . .

Takada was no fool, he knew that spiders sense the movements of their prey through their webs, but he also realized he couldn't avoid it, so he decided to drown it out, literally. Rain began to pour down upon the area, heavy rain, striking at both web and spider. Takada smiled, _That should confuse the brat_! He frowned as he saw the boy crouching over a scroll. _That doesn't look good!_ He hurled a kunai, hitting the boy in the shoulder, but it was too late, a massive cloud of smoke entered amidst the rain, and parted to reveal a gigantic orange and black spider. "You're wounded!" Kyodaigumo's deep, terrible voice rumbled across the forest, "Never mind that!" Kidoumaru smiled through the rain and his own pain, "I have dinner for you!" He climbed atop the horrific summon like a jockey astride a horse, the kunai still embedded in his shoulder, "Make it _slow_."

Dosu frowned as he saw the fallen ninja move and prepared another blast, but the man jumped out of the way and into the trees. Dosu felt a sudden surge of Chakra coming from behind him even as he blocked a blow with his sonic weapon. _Kidoumaru is using his summon, it must be bad, I'll have to finish this trash quickly_. His eyes narrowed and he blasted the Missing-Nin full force at point blank range, disintegrating the man's head. The headless body fell to the forest floor as he turned to help Kidoumaru.

Takada flung several more kunai, but the beast kept coming. They could feel him, they knew exactly where he was. He lost his nerve and tried to flee, tripping and becoming entangled in the gigantic web. As the spider's jaws closed in upon him, he saw the boy's monstrous face twisted in pure rage, "No one attacks my students and lives!"

Iruka was concerned when the Genin class came running terrified from the forest, but he assumed Kidoumaru had scared them again, he was wrong. "We were attacked! Missing-Nin!" One boy spat out breathlessly, "Kidoumaru-Sensei and Dosu stayed behind to fight them!" Iruka rushed into the forest, shouting for the other instructors to follow.

Dosu emerged from the forest to a horrible sight, the gigantic spider was swiftly wrapping the other attacker's body in a cocoon of webbing, even as the man lay screaming. Kidoumaru had webbing wrapped like bandages around his shoulder and one of his arms, and it was colored red . . . "Kidoumaru, I got the other one! Everyone got away!" Kidoumaru lept down from Kyodaigumo as the summon vanished, taking the flailing, screaming prey with it. He reverted to human form, stumbled a bit, light-headed from pain, blood loss... And something else. A distinct burning in his second right arm The senbon was poisoned. "That trash character got me good, Dosu. Get one of his senbon, he poisoned me and we'll need . . ." He passed out.

Kidoumaru opened his eyes to a familiar face, "Hey, Babe." Sakura couldn't seem to speak, so Tayuya decided to answer from his other side, "You stupid #! Getting yourself #! Poisoned!" He sat up and saw the other Oto-Nin standing around the room, along with his parents and brother, Obito, and a few others, "Mmmm, that bad, huh?" "I-it was a very strong poison, you almost died." Yoshino leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, causing him to blush with embarrassment. "Everybody was worried about you, you were out for three days" "I slept three days! God, I'm getting as lazy as Shikamaru!" Everyone laughed, even Shikamaru. Everyone turned as a loud commotion was heard at the door, which suddenly burst open, flooding the room with Genin.

A few hours later, when everyone but family, Sakura and his fellow Oto-Nin had left, they could finally talk, some. "I knew you could take that guy, Dosu. They might have been Jonin, but I bet they never faced guys like us!" Dosu grinned, "I have great news," "Naruto made Hokage?" "No, Zaku got adopted! Your clan, The Naraku clan adopted him! They..." He pulled out a letter, "It's all in here." "That's great! I was wondering when they'd get around to it." Kidoumaru smiled, _Yeah, he needs a family, he's been the worst off of all of us, poor brat._ He glanced over the letter, then put it on the table to read more thoroughly later. Sakura was sitting next to him on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair, it was loose, hanging down to his shoulders rather than in the usual pineapple, "Your hair looks good like this, not that it doesn't look good the other way . . ." _So sexy!!!!! _Inner Sakura shouted, _If his parents weren't here . . ._

Far, far away, the gates of hell opened for two more condemned souls . . .

To be continued . . .


	122. Chapter 122

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 122

Sai was sitting on his couch, reading, when Sakon and Ukon plopped down beside him, "I got an idea." Sakon smiled, "How about you try romance? We've seen how the chicks look at you, you could easily..." Sai shook his head, "It would merely be a 'shallow' relationship, I would be unable to return a lover's affections, and it would be quite possible that she was merely interested in me for my physical appearance. Thank you for the suggestion, I am grateful for your help, but I do not believe that it would work." "So what if she just wants your body?" Ukon grinned, "You'd still be..." "Toying with her emotions? No, I could not in good conscience do that." Ukon shook his head, "You'd think a guy with no emotions wouldn't be concerned with morality." "Morality is a key to the survival of a village, a nation, a people. Without morality we would kill each other without cause, steal from each other, abandon family..." "Blah, blah, blah . . . There must be something we can do for you." Sai smiled at them, "I am quite content. I have no capacity for regret or sadness, so I am not suffering in any way, I am merely without emotion." "That is suffering!" Ukon blurted out. "Besides, you do have some emotion, we just need to pull it out more!"

"I'm getting sick of hospitals, if you didn't work there, I'd have gone nuts." Kidoumaru put an arm around Sakura, "But you can be my doctor anytime, Babe." She smiled and giggled. "You're my favorite patient. Hey, is that an _Akatsuki_ ring?" He held up his hand to show off his ring, "Yeah, Obito-Sempai gave me his. The ANBU gave it back to him, and he didn't want it, so he gave it to me." "Does that make you an Akatsuki member now?" Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, me and Shika are the New Akatsuki. The Pineapple-Headed Geniuses League. Just bein' heros and savin' people and stuff." "What kind of 'stuff'?" "Stuff like_ this_," He leaned over and kissed her. "I think I like this New Akatsuki."

"SASUKE!" The Uchiha turned to see a certain red-headed woman running towards him. _Oh #! Karin!_ He took off, _Why does she want me?!_ He looked back to see the determined red-head hot on his heels, "Sasuke, wait!" _Fat chance!_ He ran faster, but she was still gaining on him. Suddenly, he collided with something big and white and fluffy, and found himself sprawled on top of a very surprised Akamaru. Kiba growled, "What the hell! I'll kill you, Sasuke!" Karin jumped between the fallen Uchiha and the enraged Inuzuka, "It was an accident Dog-Boy!" He looked at her and grinned, "You're right, he's all _yours_." Sasuke looked at him pleadingly, "No! I . . ." Karin grabbed him and pulled him up, crushing him in a hug, "Oh, Sasuke, are you okay!?" Sasuke groaned loudly, _Why me?_

"It's troublesome, that's what it is." Shikamaru was struggling to stay awake while grading papers, he was happy that he finally had a little time alone, without Tayuya molesting him and mom griping at him, but, unfortunately, it was being taken up by his job. He moaned loudly, _Man, when I was a kid, I could just lay out all day, except for that troublesome school, now I'm lucky to get three or four hours to sleep or watch the clouds._ He yawned and stretched,_ Poor Temari, I hope she's okay._ He pushed the papers aside,_ A few minutes nap shouldn't hurt . . .  
_

Sakura and Kidoumaru sat in a small clearing in the forest, eating lunch. Kidouamru had taken his shirt off and Sakura traced the pale new scar that marred his brown skin, "You're lucky, if you'd been hit in an artery..." "It wasn't, so there's no use in worrying about it now." Her hand began to trail down his bare chest, "I'd hate to lose you." Kidoumaru gave his cocky grin, "You know what they say 'Once you go black, you never go back'." Sakura laughed, "I just thought of something, the Nara clan adopted you and the Naraku clan adopted Zaku, so, does that make all of you related?" Kidoumaru thought for a moment, "Yeah, I guess it's like marriage, we've kind of joined the clans. That also means we're related to the Abumi clan, if any more of them are out there, Zaku's an orphan, and he never said if he still had a clan." Sakura leaned against Kidoumaru, "That's sad, I mean, when I first met him, he was an arrogant, loud-mouthed little jerk who tried to_ kill_ me. I hated the kid. Then he was betrayed and murdered by Orochimaru, and all I could do was feel sorry for him." "That's because you're a good person. You care about people, that's what makes you a good healer." He paused and raised an eyebrow, "He tried to kill you, huh? I'll have to have a talk with him..." He laughed, "No, he's been through enough, more than enough." "So, if I married you, what clan would I belong to?" He grinned, "Cradle-Robber. I guess you'd be a Nara." Sakura shook her head, "Scary. . . You've never told me about your parents? If you were adopted by the Nara . . ." He frowned, "They made pottery, a boring job, to me anyway . . . They disowned me after I started getting a reputation as a killer. I don't even know if they're still alive, I couldn't bring myself to ask. I have a picture of them, Kin brought it back to me a few months back. It's at the house if you want to see it . . ." She began to stroke his hair, "I think I'd like that."

Jirobo smiled, it was a beautiful day, and Tayuya was no where in sight. He headed down to the Super Burger for a burger or ten, whistling happily._ I can't believe Kidoumaru, at this rate he'll be leading missions for Konoha. I can't believe they trust him enough to teach and take care of their kids, I mean, I know he's alright, but they don't._ He turned towards the bright red building,_ I think I'll just have a light snack, maybe five burgers_. He ordered, then looked around for a seat. _Hey, he seems alright._ "Hey, Kankurou-San, may I sit here." The Puppeteer looked up at the Earth-Ninja, "Sure, as long as you don't eat my Chakra, jan." Jirobo laughed, "I wouldn't do that, well, not in peacetime, anyway." He sat down and started into his pile of food, " Thanks." Kankurou nodded, as his mouth was full. Jirobo started on his first burger, "So, Jirobo, how do you like life in Konohagakure, jan?" "It's great, I can walk down the street without having to worry about being attacked by some jerk who wants a reputation. I don't have to worry about whether or not that perverted old snake will ask me to kill someone, or do something else horrible. The people are a lot nicer to each other, and they've been nice to us, most of them, anyway." Kankurou nodded, "Yeah, if you remember,_ I_ was part of that invasion plan too. But everyone treats me and my family well, I guess they realize it was all Orochimaru and the Kazekage's doing, jan." "Oh, yeah, he was your _dad_, wasn't he?" Kankurou frowned, "He got mom pregnant, if that's what you mean, but he was no father to us. He was a sadistic monster who murdered my mother and had Gaara possessed by an evil demon in order to get power for himself. I hate him more than anyone else I've ever known. Orochimaru was a worthless freak who didn't deserve to live, but he did do one _good_ thing in his life, he killed that . . . _Creature_, jan." Jirobo gulped, "That's awful. A man should at least have the decency to take care of his family." "Yeah, well he wasn't a man by _any_ use of the word. Baki is our father for all intents and purposes, jan." Jirobo sat silently for a moment, "Yeah, he seems like a decent guy." "Hey, guys." They turned to see Naruto standing there, "Kidoumaru is getting a team together to play soccer. It starts in an hour at the soccer field, if you want to come play." "Sure, as soon as we're done eating, right, Kankurou?" Kankurou smiled, "Yeah, it'll be nice to forget business for a while, jan. Who else is playing?" "Well, me, Kidoumaru, Lee, Ino, Konohamaru . . . Basically anyone we can get." "Not _Tayuya_, I hope." Jirobo said quietly. "I hope not, dattebayo!"

He knew something was wrong the moment he set foot in Otogakure, everything seemed different, the people were happier than he remembered, and several new buildings had been built. _Perhaps they have finally accepted Orochimaru-Sama as their rightful ruler _. . . _But why is no one wearing the headband of Otogakure? _People shrank away in fear as the pale, beautiful figure walked down the streets toward his master's headquarters. He hurried on, then stopped, shocked and enraged. Orochimaru's base was in ruins, it had been burned to the ground. "What's happened here?!" He grabbed the nearest villager, "Where is Orochimaru-Sama?!" "He's _dead_! He's been dead for two years!" Pale green eyes narrowed in rage, "Orochimaru-Sama cannot die! Where is he?!" "He's in _hell_, and you'll be joining him soon." The pale figure turned to see a number of ninja standing a short ways down the road. He released the villager and faced the more dangerous opponents, "Orochimaru-Sama_ cannot_ die!" The head ninja laughed, "He was dead enough when we _dragged_ his filthy _carcass_ through the streets. And we have no use for any who are loyal to him." He smirked and drew his weapons, "Don't worry, you' ll see your beloved snake soon enough." A white blade slashed through the attacking ninja as the boy weaved in and out of the group, killing the entire squad in seconds. "Who was it?! _Who_ killed Orochimaru-Sama?!" He pointed his blade at the small crowd of villagers who'd gathered nearby. "Uchiha Sasuke! He killed him!" A man shouted "It was _Uchiha Sasuke_!". The boy dropped his blade and walked numbly toward the edge of the village, his long white hair blowing in the stiff, cold wind, _Then Uchiha Sasuke shall die!_

To be continued...


	123. Chapter 123

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 123

Soccer was one game at which Kidoumaru had no advantage in having six arms, as one can only use their feet and head to hit the ball. Add that to the fact that his team included Obito, a man with only one eye, giving him poor depth perception, not to mention an almost comical clumsiness. Team Kidoumaru looked to have a hard fight on their hands. Just like Kidoumaru liked it. Team Lee had Youth, energy and Ino, who had almost walked off when Ukon suggested Team Lee go 'skins'. After Ukon regained consciousness, the battle began. Team Lee took the ball all the way to the goal, only to be stopped by Kankurou, who was lending his broad frame to team Kidoumaru as goalie. Konohamaru responded by kicking into Team Lee's goal, only to have it propelled back at him by Jirobou. The game went on for quite a while in a stalemate until Ino kicked the ball and knocked Kankurou over with the force of it. Kidoumaru then took the ball and kicked it past Jirobou. "So, Lee, ready to throw in the towel?" Kidoumaru grinned. Lee stood firm, "If I do not emerge victorious, I shall do one thousand laps around Konoha!" "Well I hope you're wearing your running shoes!" After a little more trash talking on both sides, Naruto scored for Team Kidoumaru, and Kiba's attempt was firmly blocked by Kankurou. After it was said and done, Team Kidoumaru emerged victorious, and Lee rushed off with Youthful determination to fulfill his vow. It was dark by that time, and after Lee left and Hana carried Kankurou off, literally, everyone broke up and went home.

Several hours later, Kidoumaru started to get worried about Shikamaru, who hadn't come home yet. True, he was probably sleeping under the stars, but still . . .

Shikamaru awoke with a start, "HUH?" He looked up at Kidoumaru, who was shaking him, "It's almost midnight, we need to get you home." Shikamaru yawned and stretched, "I guess I missed dinner?" "Don't worry, we saved you some." Kidoumaru picked Shikamaru up, slung him over his shoulder and began to carry him out of the classroom. "Hey, I can . . ." _Hmmm, if he wants to save me the trouble of walking, who am I to argue?_ "I need my papers." Kidoumaru took the stack of papers and shoved them in a folder, "Like you're going to actually finish grading these, you Lazy Bum." "I will, eventually. Have you seen Tayuya today? I haven't seen her all day." Kidoumaru grinned, "Yeah, I saw her earlier. She said she knew you needed to work, and didn't want to distract you. So she went out to train all day. I'm sure you two will have plenty of 'playtime' tomorrow."

Uchiha Obito lay on the roof of his home, staring up at the stars. It was a beautiful night, and he wasn't really tired, even after playing soccer most of the afternoon. He'd always been energetic, hyperactive, many said, but he didn't care. He was happy that way, being active distracted him from the pain, from being the 'black sheep' of his clan to being the pawn of a demonic creature, he could endure by hiding from reality, making the world a bright, beautiful place. "Obito." He turned slightly to see Rin standing by his side, and he sat up. "Rin, it's very pretty out, isn't it?" She sat down beside him, "Yes, it's wonderful." He grinned broadly, that old boyish smile she remembered, "Rin is very pretty too." "That's such a lame pickup line." She laughed and put an arm around him, "You're lucky I already know how sweet you are." He leaned forward timidly and kissed her on the cheek, "Obito always had a crush on you." Rin smiled sadly, "I know," She reached out and stroked his cheek, "I only wish I'd shown you the same affection." "It's not too late, not anymore." She tilted his chin up and kissed him softly, "No, no it's not."

The pale figure stalked on through the night, _After everything Orochimaru-Sama went through to recruit Sasuke, after all that he gave him, that traitor murdered him! If I had been there . . ._ He stopped, trying to recall what exactly happened, he remembered a battle, his life ebbing away with every breath from his diseased lungs . . . _No, I can't be dead . . . My lungs, my breath, I'm . . . Cured?_ He could feel the Chakra flowing unhindered within him, his body was strong and his breath came easily. Kaguya Kimimaro fell to his knees, tears of rage and helplessness brimming in his eyes, _ My body . . . If Orochimaru-Sama was alive, I would be an acceptable vessel . . . I am healed, but what good is it without him? What purpose . . ._ He rose to his feet, determined,_ I shall avenge, I shall make my master proud . . . _

To be continued . . .


	124. Chapter 124

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 124

Kidoumaru awoke early and went through his usual preparations for the day, until he came down for breakfast. He walked into the room to find Tsunade waiting for him, "Whatever it is, I didn't do it!" Tsunade managed a smile, "You're not in trouble, kid. But I do have bad news . . ." Kidoumaru looked at her blankly, "Kaguya Kimimaro was seen alive not two days ago, and he was heading toward Konoha, he intends to kill Sasuke and avenge Orochimaru." Kidoumaru suddenly felt weak in the knees, and sat down, "Kimimaro . . . But, he wasn't at the lab . . ." "I don't know where he came from, but he's coming here. What can you tell us about him?" Kidoumaru shook his head, "He's strong, stronger than the Five put together, he whipped_ my_ tail several times for mouthing off, we were all terrified of him. He's fanatically loyal to that Snake, he actually _wanted_ to give his body as a vessel for the freak . . . But he was sick, and Orochimaru wanted a healthy body." Tsunade shook her head sadly, "I've heard that he was taken in off the streets by Orochimaru, like Zaku." "He loved that Snake, he lived and died to make him proud, and just like Zaku, Oro would have killed him in a heartbeat if he wasn't so strong and useful. He didn't care what happened to the kid, but Kimimaro viewed him almost as a god, and if he wants revenge, this whole village is going to be in grave danger." Tsunade shook her head, "I was hoping that you were close, or at _least _friends. Do you know of anyone he trusts, anyone who can talk some sense into him?" "Yes, but he may be even more dangerous."

"Kimimaro-Sensei is alive!" Juugo's eyes lit up, "And he's coming here!" A smile crossed his face and he hogged Tsunade tightly, tears coming from his eyes. "It's not that simple, Juugo, Kimimaro is coming here to kill Sasuke." Juugo pulled back a bit, "He wants to . . . _Kill_ Sasuke-sama?" Tsunade nodded, "Yes. And we need you to try to talk to him. If he attacks Konoha, a lot of people will die, and Kimimaro himself would probably be among them."

When they found him at Sai's house, Sasuke took the news of his imminent demise without much emotion, he merely shrugged, "I'm sure I can take him." "Take him?" Sakon was horrified, "He's a monster! He's stronger than all of us put together, even Tayuya was scared of him!" Tsunade shook her head, "We're hoping to settle this peacefully . . ." Ukon snorted loudly, "Peacefully, with him?! Bones _worshiped_ that old pervert, he's not gonna' just forgive and forget!" "We're hoping that he'll listen to Juugo." "But Juugo's psycho! He's makes us look good!" Tsunade was getting irritated, "It's not your lives we're talking about! It's good that you're concerned, but I have to ask you to keep out of this!"

Shikamaru lay sprawled out and shirtless on the forest floor, smiling, as Tayuya played her flute for him. _That Lazy-#! He really would #! Starve without someone to take care of his #!_ She stopped playing to run a hand over his bare abdomen, "I still don't see how you can have nice muscles like this." "Good genes." Tayuya giggled, "You _should_ look like Jirobou, the way you lay around all day." "I'm very disappointed in you, Tayuya. Have you forgotten Orochimaru-Sama so quickly?" Both turned toward the new voice, and Tayuya let out a loud whimper, "Kimimaro . . . ?" Shikamaru stood up and stepped in front of her protectively, assuming a fighting stance, "The Oto-Five is disbanded, you don't have authority over Tayuya, or any of the others anymore." Green eyes regarded them thoughtfully, "The Five are all dead, so how is it that you can be here?" "You were dead too, you died fighting Rock Lee and Gaara." "I do not remember anything between that battle and my return to Otogakure. Perhaps I was dead, but that doesn't matter. I finally find another Oto-Nin, and she is lusting over the boy I ordered her to kill. Fortunately for you, that no longer matters to me either. I suppose that the rest of the Five have returned as well?" "That's none of your business!" Shikamaru was getting upset, "Why are you here? What do you want with Tayuya?" Kimimaro laughed, "I'm here to kill Sasuke. And I want nothing from this _weakling_, I want to defeat the Uchiha with my own hands. I need no assistance." He turned slightly, "You may leave and tell everyone that I've arrived. I have an offer to make your Hokage, give me Uchiha Sasuke, and I will spare Konohagakure. If not, I will raze this village to the ground." Shikamaru took Tayuya by the arm, "C'mon. Let's get out of here." "Wait!" They turned back to Kimimaro, "When I last saw you, you were at_ most_ thirteen years old, how is it that you are now almost grown?" "Because you've been _dead_ for _five_ years." Kimimaro was stunned, _Five years! _He looked down at Tayuya, then at his own hands, _But Tayuya and I are not a day older. Of course not, we were dead, we did not grow or age._ He nodded softly, "_Now_ you may go. I shall await Sasuke here." Shikamaru put a comforting arm around the still terrified Tayuya and glared at the Kaguya, then walked with her towards the village.

Kimimaro stood there for some time, and began to wonder if anyone was coming. He felt a number of Chakra signatures heading towards him and smiled, _Perhaps they've sent out a team to 'deal with' me._ A figure emerged from the trees, and Kimimaro's jaw dropped. "Juugo? What are you doing here?" Juugo caught him in a crushing bear-hug, "Kimimaro! I was afraid I'd never see you again!" "If I truly was dead, that's understandable." He smiled again, "How is it you came to be in Konoha?" "I followed my new friends here." "New friends?" "Sasuke, Suigetsu and . . . Well, Karin's not a friend, still . . ." Kimimaro's eye went wide, "You're friends with Sasuke? Uchiha Sasuke?" A number of people emerged from the shadows of the forest, he recognized some of them, Kidoumaru, Sakon and Ukon, Suigetsu, his master's old teammate, Tsunade, who was now dressed as a Hokage, but most of all he recognized Sasuke, "It's alright, Kimimaro, we just want to talk." Kimimaro barely heard Tsunade, he was glaring at Sasuke. "There is nothing to talk about, Sasuke murdered Orochimaru-Sama, and I'm going to kill him." Kimimaro never took his eyes off of the Uchiha. "You know that Orochimaru would have killed you for kicks, he didn't care any more about you than he cared about Zaku or Kin. He wasn't even upset when he heard you'd died." Sasuke's voice was cold and tinged with anger, "He doesn't _deserve_ your loyalty." "I am_ nothing! _Why should he care about me if my usefulness has ended? His life, his dreams were worth far more than any of us!" A bone sword emerged from his palm, and he assumed a battle position, "I will not allow his murderer to go unpunished!"

To be continued...


	125. Chapter 125

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 125

Sasuke looked calmly at Kimimaro, "It's only fair to warn you, I intend to go into full Cursed Seal mode, if you want to have any chance at all of survival, I suggest you do the same." Kimimaro snarled, "You brat! Don't insult me!" The Kaguya swung his bone sword at Sasuke, but the Uchiha dodged and lept upwards, dark lines already coursing across his body. Kimimaro followed him, and they vanished into the forest. "What should we do?" Sai turned to Tsunade, who merely shook her head, "We follow. It's Sasuke's fight, we have no right to interfere without being asked."

_They're still following us? Idiots, I'm trying to keep them out of danger!_ Sasuke turned to face Kimimaro, who emerged into the clearing. Kimimaro paused for a moment, not recognizing Sasuke in his new form. "Is this your power, Sasuke? The power_ he_ gave you?" Kimimaro shivered in rage,_ He was given such power by Orochimaru, and repaid him by murdering him._ He lunged, but Sasuke flew upward, out of his range of jumping, but not out of range of his powers. He crouched, face down, and long, sharp bones emerged from his back, then shot through the air toward the Uchiha, who dodged swiftly and retaliated with a ball of flame, but Kimimaro was too fast and easily avoided the blast. He lifted his hand and five bone missiles flew from his fingertips, striking Sasuke in the right wing. Sasuke howled loudly and flew down, striking Kimimaro in the face with his fist. Unfortunately for him, seconds before the impact Kimimaro had grown a blade-like, razor sharp cheekbone, which badly cut his hand. Sasuke collapsed onto the ground, but rolled, spitting flame at the Kaguya, who vanished into the forest, emerging behind the fallen Uchiha He extended a long, thick blade from his palm. "Die, you traitor!" As he thrust down, a massive, reddish-brown blade intercepted him, shattering the bone.

"Juugo!" Kimimaro glared at the giant, then fell back, Juugo was entering his own Curse mode, and Kimimaro knew what he was capable of, "Stay out of this, Juugo!" Glowing yellow eyes glared down at him. A movement to the left distracted Juugo, as Kidoumaru and The Twins emerged, also in full Cursed Seal mode. "Are you ready to power up now, Bone-Boy? We can't take him alone." Juugo rushed forward, only to be struck by a massive Chakra web, he recovered quickly, ripping the near indestructible webbing to shreds. Tsunade jumped in, grabbing Juugo by the arm and flinging him back into the forest. He rushed back into the clearing and swung his massive blade arm at the Hokage, only to be met with Sasuke's sword. "Stop this now, Juugo." Sasuke's voice was low and dangerous, the madman wavered for a moment, and pulled back, his arm beginning to return to normal, his body coming down from the effects of his curse. Kimimaro watched silently as Tsunade began healing Sasuke's badly sliced hand, and turned to Juugo, who was now sitting silently on the forest floor. "So, you respect him that much, eh?" He walked over and sat beside the giant. "He killed Orochimaru, he's strong, strong enough to control me." He closed his eyes, "Orochimaru made us all into monsters, he lied to us, betrayed us and didn't care what happened to us. Why do you still want to follow him?"

"Life's so unfair," Sakon whined, "I mean, Sasuke not only looks good, he even looks good as a bat-freak! Our Cursed Seal forms look like demons!" Kidoumaru grinned, "Yeah, but does that bat look like it can scare anyone? Tayuya'd laugh at him." "She already does." Ukon laughed, "We all do." "Hey, Bones!" Kidoumaru strolled over to Kimimaro, "It's a whole new game now, we're starting over. You're welcome to join the team." Kimimaro stood and crossed his arms, "As if I would associate with the likes of you by choice. You were low-class pawns before, and you're no more impressive now." Kidoumaru shrugged, "Fine, die alone in the streets. You always did think you were better than the rest of us. You're not, you were just a more _prominent_ pawn in the Snake's game. He . . . " "Shut up!" Kidoumaru shook his head, "This is probably the best offer you're gonna' get, there's nothing else out there for you, you won't make it through winter. You're strong, stronger than all of us, but you can't make it alone. We all got second chances, and if you want to throw in the towel seconds into the first round, I can't stop you." Kidoumaru turned to walk off, "Your stupid sports analogies really get on my nerves, Kidoumaru." Kimimaro sighed loudly, "_Especially_ when you're right. I have nothing, my clan is dead, my master is dead, I have no home, no job, _nothing._" Juugo spoke up, "Then stay here." "Aren't all of you forgetting something?" The all turned to Tsunade, "I'm the one who makes those decisions."

To be continued . . .


	126. Chapter 126

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 126

"I can't #! Believe you #! Said that! You #! Idiot! You're taking this #! 'Good guy' thing too #! Far!" Tayuya was less than pleased with Kidoumaru's suggestion that Kimimaro take up residence in Konoha, "You don't #! Like that #! Any more than I do!" "Well what was I supposed to do? Tell him 'Good luck, hope you don't freeze to death this winter?'" "#! Yeah! He never gave a #! About us. He #! Threatened to #! Kill us all the #! Time!" Jirobou flinched a little, but he knew that this was a bad time to try to talk manners with Tayuya. "I know, but we never really cared much about each other either, did we?" "That's not the #! Point! He's a #! animal!" "You could say the same thing about any of us!" "For a #! Genius, you're a real #! Idiot! You _have_ gone #! Soft!" Tayuya slammed her fists on the table, stood up, and walked out of the Ichiraki. "Well, that went well." Jirobou sighed, "At least she didn't castrate you."

Rock Lee stood impatiently before the Hokage tower, waiting to see if the boy he'd seen die in front of him was once again alive. Kaguya Kimimaro had been a formidable opponent, without Gaara's help and the boy's unexpected (On Lee's part) Death from his disease and exhaustion, he would have killed the green-clad ninja. It would be interesting to talk with him again, maybe even to spar with him.

"You have no memory, no idea of how you were brought back, and by who?" Kimimaro nodded, "I woke up in the forest, I was wearing these clothes, otherwise I had nothing with me." Tsunade looked him over for the five-hundredth time, he was wearing a light colored shirt and shorts, with ordinary sandals on his feet, nothing to pinpoint any place of origin, "What forest was this?" "The Dark Forest outside of Otogakure." Tsunade sat back and considered the situation, this boy was incredibly dangerous, he nearly killed both Rock Lee and Gaara while literally dying of a horrible disease. _If he was that powerful when sick, how much more so when in full health!_ Plus, unlike the others, Kimimaro was still apparently loyal to that Devil Orochimaru. She looked him over again, tall, slender, ghostly pale, white-haired and very attractive. He was expressionless, and didn't seem too concerned with whatever his future held. "I'll give it to you straight, I don't trust you. Orochimaru could be very . . . _Charismatic_, installing a fanatical loyalty in his followers, and you're one of the most fanatical of all. Can you honestly tell me that you would even be capable of living here peacefully?" Kimimaro was still expressionless, "No, I cannot. I'm a Kaguya, one of the most violent and warlike of all the clans, and I was the most powerful of that clan. Violence is in my blood." Tsunade felt around in her desk for a full bottle of Sake, _Well, at least he's honest about it._ "I'll . . . Consider my options, you may go, but remember, the ANBU will be watching you at all times, if you try anything, they have permission to take _any_ steps needed to stop you." Kimimaro stood and bowed, "Thank you."

As Kimimaro stepped from the tower, he was hit with a blinding flash of light, "I was waiting for you, my most Youthful adversary!" Kimimaro squinted toward the voice, he recognized him of course."Why, do you want to try your luck again? I'm healthy this time." Rock Lee closed his mouth, hiding those blindingly white teeth, "No! Of course not, I just wanted to see you for myself! Will you be staying here?" "I have no idea. What do you care?" "I thought perhaps that we could talk, maybe even become comrades." "Fat chance, Spandex-Boy." Kimimaro turned to walk away. "If you ever change your mind . . ." "I won't." "Kimimaro." The pale boy turned to see Kidoumaru approaching him, "I've already told you, we're not friends." Kidoumaru shrugged, "Okay, but, how do you intend to eat if you have no money?"

"Can you believe that #! Spider?! We're better off without #! Bone Boy!" Shikamaru sighed loudly, he was hoping for a quiet nap on his hill, and now . . . "From the time I've spent around that Troublesome Guy, I've noticed that he acts without thinking and talks too much." He sat up, "Still, someone with Kimimaro's abilities would be very useful to our village, assuming of course he didn't try to destroy us first. Besides, from what I've heard, fighting Kimimaro would cost Konoha a lot of lives, so it's better to try peaceful means first." He lay back for a moment, "Tayuya, have you ever considered joining the Academy and becoming a Konoha Ninja?" Tayuya laughed, "Like I'd go to a school desperate enough to let that six-armed idiot teach!"

Kimimaro hated himself, he was a strong, skilled ninja and the last of a powerful clan, yet here he was, dependent upon subordinates and enemies for his survival. Lee was half-shouting, half-babbling nonsense about Youth, while Kidoumaru was occasionally nodding in apparent agreement, though it looked like he wasn't even listening. Kimimaro did his best to ignore them as he ate. He'd been surprised to find himself hungry, even though, if what he'd been told was true, he'd been dead for five years, and, in that time, he had obviously not eaten. Even when he'd awoken he'd been more focused on finding out what was going on and killing Sasuke than on eating. He'd eaten a few wild fruits and vegetables, he could, after all, live of the land, but cooked food was a nice change. "Hey, Kidoumaru!" Kimimaro looked up to see a man with a horribly scarred face walking over, waving an arm that had visible bolts protruding from the sleeve that covered it. "Hi Lee! Who's this?" "Obito-Sempai, this is Kaguya Kimimaro. Kimimaro, Uchiha Obito." Obito held out a hand, but Kimimaro just stared at it, "Don't mind him, Sempai, he's always like that." Obito shrugged and sat down, "Kimimaro? Oh, you came back from the dead too!" Kimimaro sighed, "I'm very hungry, I haven't had a good meal in days, so I don't feel much like talking right now." Obito nodded, "Obito understands." After a few moments, Kimimaro noticed something, "Kidoumaru, why are you wearing an Akatsuki ring?" "It was Obito's, he didn't want it anymore, so he gave it to me." Kimimaro was impressed, _This man was Akatsuki? He must be more than the idiot he appears to be . . . _"Wait . . . You're an Uchiha? I thought that Sasuke and Itachi were the only Uchihas still alive." "Obito . . ." He paused, "Obito wasn't killed . . ."

To be continued...


	127. Chapter 127

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 127

Sai was skeptical of his friends' new plan, "I am not sure this is wise." "Think about it, if you loosen up a bit, you might feel more emotion." Sakon and Ukon grinned. "But what if I react in the same way as Lee?" "Then we're all dead." Suigetsu said simply, "Now let's get you drunk." He handed Sai a bottle of sake. Sai downed the entire bottle, "How long should this take?" Suigetsu reached for another bottle, "Only a few minutes."

In the Hokage tower, Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, was in a mood. "SHIZUNE! SOMEONE STOLE MY BOOZE!"

"So then . . . Dicklessh said . . . 'I do have a dick!', and he pulled down his pantsh, right there in the road!" Sai fell over laughing, "Sho I said 'Shorry, I left mah magnifyin' glass at home!'" Everyone was laughing wildly, Drunken Sai was quite fun! Sai had tears coming from his eyes, "And then the Hag came back, and he shtill had his pantsh down! S-she turned red and fainted!" "Oh man! I gotta . . . Remember this!" Sakon and Ukon were rolling on the floor, and Suigetsu was clutching the couch for support. "They were both blushing the whole mishun!" "I think our experiment was a success!" Suigetsu shouted, before losing his grip and collapsing in laughter . . .

Sunagakure awoke to learn that death had visited their village. Five members of the council had been murdered in their own homes, in their own beds, and, needless to say, the Kazekage was displeased. "Any word, Baki?" Baki came running up to Gaara, who was standing atop a roof overlooking the village, "Yes, the woman who sounded the alarm saw a man fitting the description of Hoshigake Kisame leaping across the rooftops." Gaara's eyes narrowed, "Send out a scouting party, but try not to kill him, I want to question him."

"God, I hate the desert!" Kisame wiped a sheet of sweat from his forehead, "I'm from Kiri, remember, I'm a water person." Itachi shook his head, "_You_ chose this assignment, and it pays well." "Right now I could be in the Jacuzzi with Suki instead of picking sand from my gills!" Kisame moaned, "Can't we wait until dark to travel? When it's cool?" "Night in Sunagakure averages ten degrees Fahrenheit, besides, we have to move quickly, they've doubtless already dispatched Special Forces to deal with us, if not Gaara himself." Kisame shuddered, "Yeah, I see your point, I don't want to go up against Gaara." "Then be quiet and hurry."

Sai's house was littered with scattered bottles and wasted teenagers. Sai himself was passed out cold on the living room floor, Suigetu's liquid body was now 80 proof, and Sakon and Ukon were singing, '_He's not heavy, he's my brother_'. "Hey . . . You guysh, whash-yer-names?" Suigetsu stumbled to his feet, "I think this experiment as a suc . . . Success." "Yeah, but we're all gonna' be pukin' our guts out tomorrow!" Sakon squinted at the Water-Nin, "Hey, Ukon, ish that all the Sake?" Ukon didn't answer, as he was out cold.

"#! It's cold! How can it be so hot in the day and so cold at night?!" Kisame whined. "Because the lack of cloud cover allows the heat to dissipate back into space." Itachi wrapped his cloak around himself, "We'll be out of Suna in about two hours." He pointed to the moon lit horizon, "See, the forest is visible already." Kisame nodded, "Itachi, your eyes . . . ?" "Are perfectly healed. I no longer have the Mangekayo Sharingan, without it, I'm no more at risk of blindness than anyone else."

Kankurou pulled himself out of his nice, warm bed, careful not to wake his nice, warm wife, if that infernal knocking hadn't woken her already. He pulled a robe on and stumbled to the door, "What is it, jan? Kotaro!? What the hell, it's after midnight!!!" Kotaro the Summoner bowed apologetically, "I'm sorry, Kankurou-Sama, but Gaara-Sama has sent you an urgent message." He handed the Ambassador a letter.

_Kankurou,_

_I have grave news, most of the council were murdered last night. It appears to have been the work of Hoshigake Kisame and possibly Uchiha Itachi as well. I would advise assigning extra guards to your home, as well as notifying Konoha security. Don't worry, I sincerely doubt you are in any danger, but I want to make certain you are safe._

_There is no need to concern yourself with Sunagakure, Baki and I have everything under control here._

_Your brother, _

_Gaara, Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure_

"The council is dead." Kankurou shook his head, "Take this letter to the Hokage, and inform the guards, jan." "Yes, sir." Kotaro bowed and rushed into the night. "What's going on out there?" Hana appeared at the bedroom door. "The council of Sunagakure was murdered last night, jan. Gaara was worried about us." "Murdered?" Kankurou nodded, "They think it was Kisame and Itachi, jan. I never really liked the old bigots, after the way they treated Gaara, but still . . ." He shook his head, "We should be alright. If they didn't go for Gaara, I don't see why they'd want me, jan." "_I_ want you. I want you very much . . ." She smirked, reached up and slid his robe off, "Perfect." She picked him up bridal style and carried him back to their bedroom . . .

To be continued . . .


	128. Chapter 128

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 128

"Oh . . . I think I'm beginning to understand the concept of 'regret' . . ." Sai weakly lifted his head, "As well as the concept of 'pain'." He moaned, "Is this a normal physiological reaction, or am I dying?" "It's called a . . . Hangover." Sakon held his head. "Uh, Sakon, I gotta' hurl . . ." The Twins rushed off to the bathroom. "Could ya' keep it down? I gotta' hangover . . ." Suigetsu's voice came from the tub, where the Water-Nin rested in a completely liquid form, "And for God's sake, don't pull the plug!"

"A shrink!? You want me to see a shrink!?" Kimimaro stood amidst the shattered furniture in Tsunade's office, "If you want to stay here, I want you to get therapy. You've seen and experienced all sorts of terrible things in your life, we just want to _help_ you.""I'm not crazy!" Tsunade glared at the boy, "Either stay here and get therapy or go fend for yourself in the woods, because I guarantee you, no other village will take in an arrogant brat who used to work for Orochimaru!" Kimimaro pulled back a bit, he didn't fear much, not even death, but this woman was terrifying! "Yes ma'am . . ." Tsunade smiled, "That's better."

"No way!Someone stole Tsunade's booze! That's crazy!" Kidoumaru was impressed, it must have taken a highly skilled ninja to get into the Hokage's office unseen and carry off an even dozen bottles of Sake. "It wasn't _you_, was it?" Sakura teased. Kidoumaru grinned, "You think I'd do something _illegal_? I'm hurt . . . No, it wasn't me_,_ probably just some dumb kids who couldn't buy it legally." Sakura leaned against Kidoumaru's chest, "Well, she's on the warpath, and it doesn't help that word came from Sunagakure last night that the council was murdered by Kisame and Itachi." He wrapped his arms around her, "Not Gaara-Sama, I hope." "No, just some of the council members, from what I gathered from Kankurou-San, it was no great loss." "Yeah, he told me that they hated Gaara-Sama, so he didn't much care for them_._" "I also heard that Kimimaro is being allowed to stay, If he gets therapy." Kidoumaru thought for a moment, "Now that Troublesome Tayuya will be even angrier with me. Of course, she's always angry with me . . ."

"Water! Beautiful water!" Kisame dove head first into the small pond, "I thought I was going to dry out!"Itachi sat back against a nearby tree."You do realize that you are not really a fish, don't you?""If I ever suggest going to Suna again, just go ahead and kill me!" Itachi smiled, "Careful, I might just do that." "I'd like to see you try it, Pretty Boy." Kisame stepped up out of the pond, "Didn't you forget something, Uchiha?" "What?" "Your swim trunks." Kisame picked Itachi up and threw him into the pond. Itachi laughed, "That's it, you're fish sticks!"

"Oh, I'll _never_ drink again!" Sai was lying in bed, with all the windows and curtains closed and a cloth over his eyes._ It's poison . . . But I did laugh. It's very . . . confusing, but, like terror, I do not think I wish to experience this 'hangover' again._

"Shikamaru, can I ask you a question?" Shikamaru smiled and turned to Tayuya, "You just did." "Back when we fought, and you used that shadow jutsu, were you feeling me up?" Shikamaru laughed, "C'mon, I was twelve years old! _Of course_ I was feeling you up!" "You little pervert! I knew it! Those shadow hands were all over me!" "_You're_ calling_ me _a pervert! You grope me every chance you get!" "Yeah, but that's different, I'm a girl." "Women! I'll never understand their troublesome ways!"

"And then they kissed!" Kidoumaru looked at Sakura, then fell over laughing, "Naruto kissed Sasuke! So that's why he wanted to find him!" "Really, he just fell on him and their lips met . . . And they kissed!" Sakura doubled over laughing at the memory, "Did . . . Did I tell you about the time . . ." Kidoumaru couldn't stop laughing, "The Twins locked Tayuya and Kabuto in a . . . Closet together? He couldn't hear for a week and couldn't walk straight for two months! I almost felt sorry for him! 'Course, Tayuya beat the hell out of them too . . ." "I believe it! Serves him right!" "Then there was the time Zaku put itching powder in ole Four-Eyes underwear drawer! It took 'em three days to find out what was wrong!"

Zaku yawned and stretched his arms, he'd finally finished his homework, "I wonder if Dosu has to do this crap_." It's better than where I was before, I guess it's not all boring, some of this history stuff is actually pretty cool, kingdoms and empires, wars and all kinds of great warriors. I can almost see why Kidoumaru is so interested in this kind of thing. _He turned at a knock on his door, "Come in." Kin walked into the room, "So, you're actually doing your homework?" "I'm finished, actually." He stood up, "Kin.""Yeah?" "Thanks." "For what?" "For telling them to adopt me instead of you." She smiled, "Moment of weakness, Windbag. I didn't want the hassle, besides . . ." She smiled wider, "You're just a _kid_. I'm a mature _woman_ of fifteen . . ." Zaku laughed, "Yeah, you're an old lady. I'll be fifteen in September." He reached out and took her hand_,_ "You don't look so bad, old lady.""Watch it, little boy, I might have to hurt you . . ." He smirked, "As if. C'mon, let's go get some burgers or something." "A dinner date! What are we waiting for?_" _She pulled him by the hand and rushed off . . .

To be continued . . .


	129. Chapter 129

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 129

"Obito, what are you wearing?" "Clothes." Rin felt a bit of pain at the sight of her old teammate dressed in his orange and black uniform, just like the one he'd worn as a child, right down to the goggles. "I always told you, a ninja dressed in orange might as well have a target painted on his chest." "But orange is Obito's favorite color! Naruto is a great ninja, and he wears orange." Rin giggled, "You do have a point. And the color does look good on you." She took him by the arm, "What would you like to do today, Obito?" He thought for a moment, "Let's go walk in the woods, Obito has a surprise for you."

Kidoumaru was setting up booby traps for the class, learning to detect and avoid such traps is crucial for a ninja, trip wires, snares, shallow pits and a few web nets littered the training area. He smiled to himself, _That should catch a few of the brats._ He dusted his hands off, _Now I'll just wait._ He jumped into a tree and took a perch on a large limb and pulled out a book. A few minutes later he heard a shout, _Looks like I caught one._ He grinned and rushed off toward one of his web nets, only to find it empty, "Wha . . .?" A few seconds later he was on the ground, with Dosu holding him down, "Got ya', Sensei." A few other students were gathered around now, "Yeah, yeah, cute trick. And like an idiot I fell right into it." He got up, dusting his clothes off. Someone shouted, "Hey, maybe Dosu should be the teacher!" Several students laughed until Kidoumaru glared at them, "Okay, we've just seen why we need to be aware of _everything_ going on around us." He looked around, "Now, I've hidden ten traps. . . _Nine,_ now, around this area, and I want you maggots to find them, either by disarming them or getting caught, and you won't get points for getting caught. Now move it!" He watched them scramble off into the forest. "Using the web to catch the spider himself, not bad Dosu." Dosu smiled, "Well, I read about spiders who go into other spider's webs and let them think they're prey, then, when the spider gets close, attacks and turns the tables." "The cheese in the mousetrap, clever. You might be Sensei one day. I guess I'll have to fail you to protect my job." He started laughing, "Now go find some more traps."

"Obito, this is so sweet!" In the small forest clearing Obito was setting up small meal for the two of them, "You like it then?" "I love it." Obito motioned for her to sit down, "Then what are we waiting for?" Obito sat cross-legged on the ground, smiling, "Obito made it." She picked up a piece of roasted chicken and took a bite, "Delicious, I didn't know you could cook." Obito blushed and ran a hand through his black hair, "Thank you."

Suigetsu opened the door and squinted in the bright, painful sunlight, "Yamato-Sensei?" "Is Sai here? He didn't show up for practice, and he's never missed practice." Yamato sniffed at something in the air, "Have you been drinking?" "Yeah, so?" "And Sai?" Suigetsu fiddled his thumbs, "Well, The Twins and me . . . We thought if we loosened him up a bit, he might have some emotions . . ." Yamato slapped his forehead, "Let me guess, you got him drunk, and now he has a hangover . . ." "Yes, sir." Yamato stepped into the house, small bottles of sake were still scattered across the floor, and The Twins lay on the couch, wet towels over their eyes, "And I suppose they were drinking too? They're underage, you know." He looked around the room, "I think I know who stole Tsunade's sake . . ." He walked back to Sai's room, "Sai? Are you in there?" Sai opened the bedroom door and stepped out, he looked terrible, his clothes and hair were a mess and he looked nauseous, "Yamato-Sensei? I'm sorry I missed practice, just let me take a shower and dress . . ." "No, you're in no condition for that, but tomorrow you'll do double work." "Thank you, Sensei." Sai nodded and went back to bed.

Kimimaro lay back in his new bed in his new apartment and tried to figure out what to do with his new life, he'd already rejected the idea of manual labor as beneath his dignity, but that left him with very few choices. What he was good at, what he was _exceptional _at, was killing. Kaguya Kimimaro was a weapon, Born into a clan of powerful warriors, honed and trained by Orochimaru himself, so dangerous and feared that at times he was kept caged to protect everyone else. The most logical, the most appropriate profession would be ninja, but he doubted the people of Konohagakure would trust him in that capacity. He'd heard that the younger kids had been sent to school, but he knew that every parent in the village would revolt and most likely kill him if he was put anywhere near their children. _I could ask Tsunade-Sama to allow me to gain the position of ninja, she already knows my skills. Both Dosu and that idiot Kidoumaru have been allowed to become Konoha ninja, and doubtless the others could as well, if they chose to. From what I've seen Tayuya is occupying her time molesting that boy, Sakon and Ukon are shiftless delinquents and Jirobou is moving furniture. How the mighty have fallen, yet, have I not fallen farther? What should I do, Orochimaru-Sama? What can I do?_

"So then, Deidara-Sempai sent a clay spider bomb into Hidan's room, and blew him up! Hidan is immortal, so, even though he was in pieces, he was making threats and using awful language and Deidara, Kakuzu and Tobi were just laughing and laughing . . ." Rin smiled and lay back in the grass, "It sounds like your time in Akatsuki wasn't all bad." Obito grinned, "There was always something exciting happening. Hey, there was one time Tobi pretended to be Madara and ordered Pein to go all the way to Suna and get him some hats! And he did!" Obito started laughing and Rin joined in, she didn't know much about Pein, but from what she'd heard of him, she didn't like him. "He had a terrible sunburn and looked like a boiled lobster! He was so mad, but he couldn't hurt Tobi, because he was scared of Madara. Then Tobi gave everyone a hat!"

Tsunade's right eye began to twitch, and Shizune backed away, "So, they stole my sake?" "Yes ma'am, I think they drank it all." "Four kids drank _twelve_ bottles of sake! They're lucky they didn't _die!_ But they're gonna' wish they _had_ died when I get my hands on them!" Tsunade stormed out of the room and headed toward Sai's house.

As Itachi and Kisame set up camp for the night, something was troubling the Uchiha, "Kisame, do you ever wonder why we are sent to kill someone?" Kisame snorted, "No, and if you do, it might drive you crazy, those idiots back in Suna made somebody mad, so we were hired to kill them." "I sometimes wonder if it was truly necessary to destroy the _entire_ Uchiha clan, when so many of them were uninvolved in the plot." Kisame grimaced, this was an ugly subject for Itachi, "You were trained to follow orders no matter what the consequences, that's why a lot of Missing-Nin leave, because they figure out they're being brainwashed and turned into puppets. Those #! In Konoha used you to do their dirty work, then turned around and let you take the fall. You were just a puppet, just like the ones that kid in Ame used on me or the ones that Kankurou guy uses." "It was my hands that . . ." "You were so brainwashed you'd have slit your own throat if that old #! Had ordered you too! Sure, you're not innocent, none of us are, but you're not nearly as guilty as they are." He nodded toward a pile of sticks he'd gathered, "Let's see a little of that fire jutsu of yours, we need a fire here."

"Don't shout . . ." Suigetsu held his head in pain. "Why not? What's wrong kid,_ hangover_?" Tsunade grinned. "Oh #!" Ukon moaned, "She knows!" "Sai didn't know, we didn't tell him were we got the sake." "I didn't think he did, he's not a delinquent," Tsunade got an evil look in her eyes, "You three are going to pay for stealing my sake, you're gonna' work your little butts off! You're coming to the tower and you're going to sort and file all of my paperwork, then you're going to sweep and mop the floors, then clean the bathrooms, then . . ." They all moaned, and Sakon threw up . . .

To be continued . . .


	130. Chapter 130

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 130

Sakon whistled as Shizune walked by, "Hey there, beautiful!" "Get back to work!" Tsunade shouted from her office, and he resumed sweeping the floor, "That big-boobed #! . . ." "What did you call me?!" "Uh . . . Nothing, Tsunade-Sama!" "That's right! You'd better watch what you say, punk! I could have you scrubbing toilets for years!" "Do you think she's married?" Ukon gave his brother a dirty look, "How would I know? Don't tell me you . . . You don't even know her!"

Kimimaro and Juugo sat quietly at a table, eating breakfast. "So, you're staying in Konoha?" Kimimaro nodded, "For now. I have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life." "Konoha isn't so bad, most of the people are nice. They've been helping me with my . . ._ Condition_. They're even looking for a cure." "That's exactly what Orochimaru told you, and then he spread it by making the Cursed Seals, using you as a template." "They've shown me the research, it looks good, and they treat me like a person, over the past six months I've only had two attacks." "I hope you're right, but I'm not sure I trust these people yet. No one gives anyone anything without wanting something in return."

"Well, that was a spectacular failure." The scientist turned to his master, "We should have had him conditioned before we sent him out." The master's eyes narrowed, "Do not question my judgment!" The scientist sighed,_ I told him, but he wouldn't listen. The Kaguya boy's hatred was not enough . . ._ "What about the others?" "I have been unable to bring any of the others you chose back. Dr. Misumi and Eiichiro's research indicated that certain individuals could not be brought back, none of us understand why." The master snarled silently, "Then I shall make new choices."

Zaku and Kin walked hand in hand down the streets of Kusagakure, looking for something fun to do and/or a private place to make out. "Hey, Kin. Let's go to the store and buy enough candy to keep us up for a week!" "Nah, I need my beauty sleep, a woman has to take care of her appearance." "I don't see any woman . . ." Zaku laughed as Kin punched him in the arm, "I'm joking!" "I know, I'm just catching up on all the crap you put me through in Oto." "Hey, I was young and stupid back then." He yawned and snuck an arm around her shoulder, "Besides, I'm a changed man." Kin giggled, "That's why I like you now. You've always been cute, but you used to be a real jerk." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, you're cute too." He pulled her close and kissed her on the lips, and they both started laughing.

"Hey, Sakura, do you wanna' do the 'Spider-Man' kiss?" Kidoumaru hung upside down from a tree by Chakra strings, grinning. "You're not wearing a mask." She laughed, "But I'll kiss you anyway," She walked over to him and they kissed. "Are you going to come with me to Kusagagakure to Zaku's birthday party?" "When is it?" "Next week, his birthday is on September 14th, we'll have to leave a little early, it's a long way." Sakura nodded, "Of course, I just hope Sai and Naruto don't kill each other while I'm gone." "They were invited too." Kidoumaru swung around and landed on the ground, "Though I doubt _Shino_ was invited, poor Zaku probably won't ever get over what Shino did to him." Sakura shook her head, "I don't blame him, I was there, I saw his arms literally explode, it was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen." Kidoumaru smiled softly, "He's better now, thank God, physically at least, and I can't honestly say _any_ of us are actually sane." "Speak for yourself, Pretty Boy."

To be continued . . .


	131. Chapter 131

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 131

Seven months ago,

Sakura was curious about this new patient, she'd heard a little about the young Oto-Nin from Shikamaru, Kiba and Naruto, and the descriptions of Kidoumaru of five years ago didn't fit with how Shikamaru had described him now. She wanted to see him for herself. She knocked gently on the hospital room door and slipped in. _Oh my God . . . He's sexy!_ Kidoumaru looked at her through bright black eyes and smiled beautifully, he was shirtless, dark-skinned and black-haired, with nice muscle definition and strong, handsome features. Sakura smiled back, then caught herself. "K-Kidoumaru? My name's Sakura, I'm Tsunade-Sama's apprentice, I just want to check up on you." She walked over to his bedside, tensing in case he should try anything, "Are you feeling any better?" "Yes, thanks." She looked him over, from up close she could better admire his body . . . Er, heal him. _I don't care if he has six-arms, he's so hot!_ She tried to push Inner Sakura back, "Are you alright, Sakura?" _We zoned out!_ "I'm fine . . ." _And so are you!_ "I'm going to feel you over . . . I mean_ check_ you over with my Chakra, make sure you're recovering well." She blushed and held her shaking hands centimeters from his warm, dark, bare skin. "Are you sure you're alright? You look kinda' pale."_ Oh my God! Is he concerned about us?_ She smiled, "I'm fine, I'm just . . ." _Fighting the urge to grope you madly?_ "Tired, I had a long shift last night."_ Good cover!_ "So, am I going to live?" He laughed softly. "Yes, you should be completely healed in a matter of days. Your Chakra levels are incredible, that helps with healing." Sakura had expected Kidoumaru to be a stereotypical Oto-Nin, cold, arrogant and rude, much like the stereotypical Uchiha, but Kidoumaru was warm, friendly and seemed to have a good sense of humor, "I . . . Thank you, for helping Shikamaru . . ." "He's a great guy, I'm glad I could help him." "Do you need anything? Are you comfortable?" He smiled again, "I'm fine." _Yes you are!_ "I can't wait to get these casts off and get out of this bed and back in the game." Sakura couldn't help but smile in return, "If you need anything, just use the buzzer there and I'll get right to you. I'll just go now." "Sakura." "Yes?" "Thank you." She reached out and put a hand on one of his unbroken arms, "You're welcome. I have to go now, but if you need anything, just call me with the buzzer." He nodded, "Nice to meet you, Sakura." She turned slightly so he couldn't see her blush, "It was nice to meet you, too." As she walked out of the room, he closed his eyes and lay back against his pillow.

Kidoumaru looked up at the sound of the knock and watched the beautiful apparition walk into the room, she had soft, pink hair and incredibly green eyes, gentle features, yet still held an aura of strength. "K-Kidoumaru? My name's Sakura, I'm Tsunade-Sama's apprentice, I just want to check up on you."_ Sakura, Cherry Blossom, a fitting name._ He felt his heartbeat increasing as she walked over to his bed, and he couldn't seem to get any words out. "Are you feeling any better?" "Yes, thanks." He croaked hoarsely. He watched the girl's eyes checking him over, and couldn't help but think she had more than medical interests in mind. She was breathing harder, her face was flushed and her hands were shaking, "Are you alright?" "I'm fine . . . I'm going to feel you over," She caught herself and blushed harder, "I mean check you over with my Chakra, make sure you're recovering well." She held her shaking hands tantalizingly close to his skin. "Are you sure you're alright? You look kinda' pale." She smiled at him, not a bad sight, "I'm fine, I just," She paused again, clearly searching for a good cover story to hide her obvious feelings, "Tired, I had a long shift last night." "Am I going to live?" He laughed at his little joke. "Yes, you should be completely healed in a matter of days. Your Chakra levels are incredible, that helps with healing." Kidoumaru nodded. An awkward moment later, "I . . . Thank you, for helping Shikamaru . . ." She said shyly, "He's a great guy, I'm glad I could help him."_ Is she Shikamaru's girlfriend? I hope not . . ._ "Do you need anything? Are you comfortable?" He smiled, "I'm fine. I can't wait to get these casts off and get out of this bed and back in the game." He hated being stuck in bed, he was a high-energy, active person, he couldn't stand to be idle for very long. Sakura smiled again, "If you need anything, just use the buzzer there and I'll get right to you." She turned slightly, "I'll just go now." "Sakura." She turned back to him, "Yes?" "Thank you." Her eyes lit up a bit more, and she set a hand on his second right arm, "You're welcome. I have to go now, but if you need anything, just call me with the buzzer." "It was nice to meet you, Sakura." She turned away, but not before he caught a glimpse of her blush, "It was nice to meet you, two." He watched her leave, wishing he could ask her to stay with him a little longer.

Now,

Kidoumaru, Obito and Naruto sat around a table at the Ichiraki ramen stand, laughing and eating lunch, "And I threw it all over Kakashi! You should have seen it, he was covered head to toe in mud, it was hilarious, dattebayo!" "Obito used to prank Kakashi all the time, he was so stuck-up and boring. One time Obito put explosive tags in Kakashi's desk, and when he opened it . . . BOOM! It wasn't dangerous, just loud, but Obito got a lot of detention for that one." Kidoumaru grinned and leaned back, "One time, Tayuya was shouting and badmouthing everyone, even worse than usual, so I webbed her mouth shut!" Everyone started laughing at the mental image of Tayuya trying to curse through a thick coat of webbing, "She broke my nose, so I webbed her up all the way to her neck! Of course, when she got loose, she beat the hell out of me, but it was worth it for some peace and quiet." "You guys are such wimps, dattebayo! Letting that girl push you around!" Kidoumaru punched him in the arm, "Why don't you tell_ her _that, Kit? She's as mean as the devil himself, she's not a girl, she's a weapon of mass destruction! Besides, Sakura pushes you and Sai around all the time!" He turned to the Uchiha, " Hey, Obito-Sempai, was Rin like that?" Obito leaned forward, "Rin was tough, but Obito didn't mind, Obito loved Rin . . . And Rin loved Kakashi . . ." He smiled sadly. "But it's all working out now."

"So you see, Hokage-Sama my friends were merely trying to help me feel emotions, and in a way, I did feel amusement for a short time." Tsunade smiled tiredly, "I know that, Sai. And I understand that their intentions were good, but what they did was not only foolish, but also dangerous and illegal. People can only take so much alcohol, you all could have died." She rubbed her forehead, "You didn't know it was stolen, so I'm letting you off, but they have to take responsibilities for their actions." "Like Kidoumaru?" "I don't understand." "When Kidoumaru left Konoha, his intention was good, to rescue Shikamaru, but he failed to tell his parents, causing them emotional distress and necessitating punishment. His_ purpose_ was right, but the _way_ in which he carried it out was wrong." Tsunade smiled, "Exactly!" Sai smiled back, "I understand your decision now." He bowed slightly, "Thank you."

Kankurou had to sit down, he was stunned out of his mind by the news, "I don't believe it . . ." "It shouldn't be too much of a surprise, the way we've been going at it." Hana sat next to him and put an arm around his broad shoulders. Kankurou smiled, "I guess not." Hana looked at his face, "Are you . . . _Upset?_" Kankurou shook his head, "No, I'm happy, jan. I'm just _nervous_, I mean, I don't want to be like . . ._ Him_ . .." Hana grinned, "You're nothing like the Yondaime, you're a good man, and you'll be a good father."

Kisame awoke and immediately noticed that Itachi was gone from the camp, along with his belongings. The Shark-Nin found a message attached to a nearby boulder, and cursed:

_Kisame, I'm returning to Konoha, I have to deal with my past. Don't worry and don't follow me, I have no intention of dying, I just have some things I must do. I'll meet you back at the apartment in a few days. _

_Itachi_

"Idiot!" Kisame growled, he gathered his things, strapped on Sameheida, and set off for Konoha.

To Be Continued . . .


	132. Chapter 132

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 132

It was incredibly easy to sneak into Konoha, the past few years of relative peace had made everyone lax. The only real force he saw was a cadre of guards surrounding the residence of the ambassador from Sunagakure, doubtless Kankurou had received word of the council's destruction. He needn't have worried, Itachi's mission to Konoha was personal, the puppeteer was just a passing thought, quickly forgotten as Itachi moved toward his goal. The rogue Uchiha slipped across the dark rooftops, past the few people who were out wandering the streets at such a late hour, until he reached his home. He slipped quietly through the window of his old bedroom, and was unsurprised to find the walls scrawled with profanities directed at the former occupant. He walked slowly through the halls until he came to the very spot where the massacre had ended, as well as his life and the life of his brother. He'd not been there very long when he heard soft footsteps behind him. "Sasuke." "Why didn't you tell me, Itachi? Why didn't you tell me the Hokage ordered you to kill our clan?" "Would you have listened? Would you have believed me?" Itachi didn't turn to face his brother, he merely stood still, staring down at the bloodstained floor where he'd killed their parents. "Who told you?" "Obito." "I'm not surprised . . . I saw what you did to the Sandaime's statue, I suppose everyone knows now." "You were stupid to come back here, I was willing to let you just live the rest of your filthy life in exile, but now . . ." "Spare me the threats, brother, I no longer care." He heard the sound of a sword being drawn from its scabbard, and still he did not look back, "So, this must be . . ." He suddenly realized he had nothing to say. What could he say? _I'm sorry I murdered our clan, tortured you and ruined your life, please forgive me? Pretty please? _"Very well," He turned to face Sasuke, "As I said, I no longer care. Just end it." Sasuke didn't move, "Are you still so weak? Where is your hatred? You killed me once, why hesitate now?" Sasuke snarled and swung the blade at his brother's neck, only to stop a fraction of an inch away. Itachi's eyes narrowed, "Just do it!" Sasuke looked at his brother for a long moment, then re-sheathed his sword. "You're still weak." Sasuke walked out, not bothering to answer. Then the dam broke, and Itachi crawled into a corner and began to cry.

"Itachi?" He looked up at the sound of a vaguely familiar voice. The man was of medium height, dressed in gaudy orange and black, and had the unmistakable Uchiha features, on half of his face, anyway. He knew who he was, though he'd not seen Obito's unmasked face outside of childhood photographs and vague memories of a smiling boy who'd been kind to him, "Why are you here?" Itachi opened his mouth, but little more than a whimper came out. Obito knelt beside him, and started to put a hand on his shoulder, but held back. "Obito saw Sasuke leaving here, and knew he was angry about something . . ." Obito shook his head sadly, as pained as he was over the suffering and death caused by Itachi's actions, he also knew that there were others who bore much more guilt in the massacre, "If they catch you here, Itachi, you'll be killed." Itachi closed his eyes, "Isn't that . . . Justice?" Obito sat on the floor in front of his younger relative, "How many times do you think you have to die to pay for what you did?" "Why is he still here?" Sasuke walked back into the room and stared down at his elder brother, "Pathetic. You're not worth killing." He felt a terrible pain in his chest, once again they were together in that horrible place, and it was clear that it was affecting Itachi even more so. He knew that Itachi had only been following orders, but that was no excuse for what he'd done, still, it hurt to see the brother he'd once loved whimpering in a corner like a scared dog. "You should leave before you get caught. I don't want to have to keep killing you every time you come back." Sasuke started to turn away in contempt, then froze in shock as Obito reached out his hand and gently poked Itachi in the forehead with two fingers. At that affectionate and familiar gesture Sasuke rushed from the house and ran into the night, he kept running until he fell to his knees and threw up. His memories of the 'good' times he'd once had with his brother came flooding back, unbidden and unwanted. _I can't, I can't feel sorry for him! He didn't feel sorry for me! He deserves it, he deserves to suffer!_

Itachi left Obito standing alone in the old house and rushed off into the night, he'd come back to his home, and realized that there was nothing left for him, no place for him. As he rushed across the rooftops he remembered something, and turned aside, with just one more thing to do.

Obito looked down at the bloodstained paneling beneath his feet and shuddered, _How can Obito condemn Itachi, when Madara used Obito's body to do this as well . . ._

Kisame lept through the trees, formulating a plan in his head for rescuing Itachi if the fool had gotten himself caught. If the Uchiha had any brains left in that skull of his he'd be able to fight or think his way out of just about anything, but Kisame wasn't sure Itachi's mind was up to the challenge. He noticed a figure ahead and ground to a stop, "Itachi?" Itachi looked tired and ill, his eyes were red and puffy from tears, "I told you not to come, Kisame." The Uchiha moved forward, "But thank you. " Before Kisame could think of a reply, Itachi was on the move, "Let's get out of here." Kisame followed him into the dark forest.

To be continued . . .


	133. Chapter 133

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 133

"Why don't you try that Beast jutsu, The All-Fours-Jutsu? I hear that when a ninja goes all fours he becomes hyper and beast-like." Sai shook his head, "That is an interesting idea, but I am not a Beast-Nin and have no animal companion." Suigetsu slung an arm around his shoulder, "Then we can borrow one. How about Kidoumaru's summon?" Ukon laughed, "That old spider has all the personality of a rock, we need a high-energy, emotional animal, like Dog-Boy's mutt." Sai shrugged, "You must have a strong bond with your animal to be able to perform jutsu with them, a lifelong bond. It would take years to develop such a bond for a 'normal' person, for someone without emotions, it might be impossible." "Well #!" Suigetsu plopped back into his chair, "Now what?"

Temari looked up from her desk as Gaara entered the room, holding a letter bearing Kankurou's seal, "Temari, there is good news." She ribbed her eyes, "I could use some good news, let me see it." Gaara actually smiled as he handed her the letter.

_Dear brother and sister,_

_Hana and I have just learned that we're going to have a baby! It's too soon to know if it's a boy or a girl, but I guess it doesn't really matter. We hope that you may be able to come visit soon, I'd love to go to Suna, but I don't want to stress Hana and the baby. You'll be Uncle Gaara and Aunt Temari soon!_

_Love, your brother,_

_Kankurou_

Temari laughed "It's no wonder, she's barely let him out of the bedroom since the wedding, from what I've heard." "Temari?" "Yes?" "Where do babies come from?" Temari paled, "Well . . . You see . . . Uhm . . ."

Zaku pulled himself out of bed and walked down the hallway, knocking at Eiji's door. Eiji opened the door and squinted at the boy, "Zaku, what is it?" "Can I come in?" Eiji moved aside and Zaku walked into the room, "Do you think anyone will come?" Eiji yawned, "To your party? Of course they will." "I was thinking, I wasn't very nice to people before, so why would they want to come to a party for me?" Eiji sighed and sat on his bed, "Because that was_ before_. You have real friends now, and they don't hate you for your past." He grinned, "Besides, you know that Kin will be there, you might not want a houseful of people around . . ." Zaku smirked, "You've got a point there. But . . ." He grinned wider, "More people means more presents." Eiji threw a pillow at him, laughing, "You better go get cleaned up for breakfast." "You're not cooking, are you?" Eiji growled playfully and jumped out of bed as Zaku ran off down the hall.

Kidoumaru packed the last of his things needed for the trip to Grass, he hadn't been on a long journey since the rescue mission to Amegakure, and he was looking forward to getting out, unlike Shikamaru, who was whining about having to walk so far. "Kidoumaru," He turned to see his adoptive brother in the doorway to his room, "What's wrong?" "Read this." He took a letter from Shikamaru's hand, "I found it on my windowsill this morning."

_Nara Shikamaru,_

_I wanted to apologize for frightening you. We never at any time intended to harm you, but Kisame can be somewhat excitable and cruel. I'm sorry that things took such an unpleasant turn, and I wanted you to know that we will not trouble you again._

_Uchiha Itachi_

"What the hell? Itachi, _apologizing_?! Wait, if this was on your windowsill then . . ."

"Yeah, he was_ here_, in Konoha."

To Be Continued . . .


	134. Chapter 134

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 134

"Itachi got in here?!" Tsunade was livid, "Where were the guards? When Kankurou finds out that we let the man who murdered Suna's council just waltz right in . . ." The Nara boys backed off a bit, "We got lucky this time, if Kankurou had been assassinated we'd be in another war! And if he'd hurt you, I'd never be able to forgive myself! Heads will roll for this!"

Kin was sitting in a chair reading quietly when Zaku peered over her shoulder, "Hey Kin. Are you going to give me a birthday kiss?" "A birthday spanking, maybe . . ." Zaku grinned, "Kinky, I like it." "Pervert." Kin laughed "Have you been a good boy?" Zaku made an innocent face, "Me? Of course! I haven't killed any of the jerks at school, not yet, anyway . . ." He plopped down on the couch across from the chair and gave her puppy dog eyes, "Kin, would you do me the honor of bearing my children?" They both fell over laughing, "Watch it, I might have to slap you sillier than you already are, Windbag." He stretched lazily across the couch, "It's too bad we missed your birthday," he reached into his pocket and threw her a small box. "What . . .?" he grinned, "Just open it, dummy." She opened the box and pulled out a thin silver bracelet inlaid with soft blue stones, "Oh my God . . ." Zaku grinned wider, "I had no idea what you'd want, I mean, you're a girl, but you're not really that . . . _Girly_ . . . I was gonna' get you something useful, like a knife or something, but I thought you'd like that bracelet." "How much . . ." "It's rude to ask how much a gift costs." he wagged a finger at the girl, "Try it on." She latched it around her wrist, "It's beautiful, but I didn't get you anything so . . . _Expensive_." He shook his head, "Maybe not, but you've put up with me for all this time,_ that_ deserves a reward!" He leaned forward and whispered, "The parents and Eiji got you presents too, they hid 'em in the closet, it's supposed to be a surprise until after the party. Wanna' see?" "Is this just a trick to get me alone with you in the closet?" Zaku laughed, "Why hide in the closet? The lighting is much better in my room, and there's a lot more space." "You little pervert!" She shook her fist in mock anger as he gave an adorable pout. "Stop that! It's so cute it hurts!"

Kidoumaru slung his pack over his shoulder, "That's just about everything, wait . . ." He walked over to Sakura and picked her up, "_Now_ I have everything." Shikamaru moaned, "How many times is it now I've been to Kusagakure? I wish there was a train station nearby or something so we wouldn't have to walk all that way." "Suck it up, Lazy-#! I'll keep you going." Tayuya grabbed Shika's backside, causing him to jump forward, "See, you're moving already." Sai watched the various couples in the group with interest, he knew as much about romance and love as he did any other emotions. He could have his choice of any number of girls in the village, but an empty, loveless relationship would be worse than none at all. He turned his attention to Suigetsu and the Twins, who were plotting something, doubtless another scheme to bring out his emotions. That in itself gave rise to an odd feeling within the 'emotionless' ANBU, a sense of coming troubles, a 'bad feeling' as people would say. Their intentions were noble, but their methods often led to unfortunate, and sometimes criminal, blunders. He looked over at Dosu, who was quietly adjusting his gear for the trip. _Dosu is far more mature than most of the people in this village, even many of his elders, but I suppose what Kidoumaru said was true, 'You grow up fast in Otogakure, or you don't grow up at all.' It's interesting, though, that neither Zaku or the Five, outside of Jirobou, behave in a mature manner. Perhaps, like me, they are trying to 'regain' their lost childhoods._ He checked to insure that his pack was secure, then followed the others as they left Konohagakure.

The trip quickly became a game of 'follow the leader' with Naruto assuming the title role, unasked, despite the fact that the boy could get lost in his own small apartment. He had been to Kusagakure, of course, when he and Sai had stumbled across Mizuki and Zaku by pure chance, but that didn't mean he remembered how to get back. "All we have to do is follow the road, Naruto." Shikamaru sighed, "It leads right to their front door." "Yeah, but they moved! They live in the village now, dattebayo!" "This road leads into the village, 'dattebayo'!" Shika replied sarcastically. Everyone laughed as Naruto turned bright red, "But I wanna' take a shortcut!" Naruto whined. "If Lazy Shikamaru can make this trip, then you certainly can, Dickless." Sai smiled as Naruto began shaking his fist threateningly, "Unless you are lazier than Shikamaru." Shikamaru yawned, "No one's lazier than me, well, there's dad, but he doesn't count."

Kisame looked over at his silent partner, "Itachi, what happened back there?" Itachi kept staring ahead, stone-faced, "I saw Sasuke." "Did you . . ." "No, we didn't even fight, he said I wasn't worth killing." They traveled on in silence for a few more minutes. "Kisame, do you have a family back in Kirigakure?" "No. I did once, but . . . I have nothing to go back to there." "I'm sorry." "Let's just get back to the apartment, I need to take Suki out to dinner."

Sasuke and Obito stood side by side atop the Hokage monument, looking out over Konohagakure. "Why couldn't I do it? I hate him, he destroyed my life, he killed our parents, our clan . . ." Obito shrugged, "Maybe you already got your revenge, everyone involved in ordering the massacre is dead, except Danzo, and he's as good as dead. You killed Itachi already once. You're a smart boy, you know you have to get on with your life now." "How can you forgive him? You're an Uchiha too." Obito's one eye narrowed, and Sasuke swore he saw a hint of anger in his face, "Because Obito was there too." Sasuke shook his head, "That was Madara, you're not responsible for what you did while you were possessed." Obito sighed sadly, "But I still have to live with the memories. Itachi did what he was ordered, he had no real choice either." Sasuke was silent for a moment. "You said 'I' again. When you get emotional, you seem to . . ." "Some emotions can be done without." Sasuke sat down, "Why didn't you go to Zaku's party?" Obito smiled, "Because Obito is needed here, what would you do without Obito?!"

Mizuki whistled softly to himself as straightened up his apartment. He'd gotten Zaku a gift several days before, and had it wrapped and ready. _I hope no one else thought of a skateboard._ He looked at the giant shuriken hanging from the wall, it had been his father's, and he'd carried it for years, he no longer used it, but it was still something he'd never willingly part with. He glanced around the spotless room, _Okay, that's done._ He picked up his keys and walked out, locking the door behind him. He headed out down the crowded streets toward the village park, the only public place that had any trees. Kusagakure was not called 'the Village Hidden in Grass' without reason, the village was set in the midst of a savannah, just a sea of grass in all directions. True, there was the occasional lonely tree dotting the landscape, but nothing like the forests of Konohagakure. _I wonder if Iruka will come? After all, he did fight beside us against Jashin, so Zaku certainly knows him._ He stopped for a moment in front of the village Academy, thinking back to his days as a teacher. He'd committed and unforgivable crime, he'd tried to murder a student, Uzumaki Naruto, and nearly killed his best friend in the process. He held no illusions of returning to his former position, and he was willing to accept that punishment. He smiled sadly and walked on. He did teach, in a way, he often helped Zaku and Kin with their homework and acted as an unofficial 'tutor' when asked. He smiled when the thick trees of the park came into view, and walked over to a nice, secluded trunk, and sat back against it, looking up at the autumn leaves gleaming brightly in the bright sunshine. _Beautiful. _

To be continued . . .


	135. Chapter 135

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 135

As night fell, the little group made camp, all of them being quite comfortable with sleeping under the stars. The wind was slightly chilly as it blew across the camp, and Sakura was surprised when something warm wrapped itself around her from behind. "Kidoumaru?" Kidoumaru snuggled closer, "You looked cold Babe." She fought the urge to giggle, _That's so sweet!_ Inner Sakura swooned, "Yeah, right." She couldn't see Kidoumaru's face, but she was sure he was grinning, "Can you blame me?" He laughed softly. "I don't mind, Pretty Boy, you're hot enough for the both of us." Kidoumaru rose slightly and looked down at her, " 'Pretty Boy', That's a name I never thought a girl would call me." She smiled up at him, "You know what they say, 'Black is beautiful'." He lay back down and put his arms around her, "Mmmm . . . All colors are beautiful, they're all gifts for us to enjoy." he nuzzled Sakura's hair, "Even pink." "So, can you sleep without Bearington?" Sakura teased. "Mmmmm, you'll do, you're as comfy as he is, just as fluffy and almost as soft." Sakura's eyes narrowed, "Fluffy and soft? Are you saying I'm _fat_?!" Kidoumaru chuckled, not knowing how close to death he actually was, "Of course not, Babe." Sakura smiled and relaxed, "That's right."

Shikamaru, meanwhile, was in a similar, though far less comfortable, position. "Tayuya!" The kunoichi had slipped into his sleeping bag with him, and was now happily in the process of groping him. Iruka nudged the sleeping bag "Er, Tayuya, as chaperon, I have to make sure you kids don't get into trouble or pregnant or anything . . ." Tayuya snorted, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing . . ." Iruka shrugged, he wasn't a coward by any means, but Tayuya was terrifying, "Don't leave me Iruka-Sensei!" "Sorry, Shikamaru, better you than me." Tayuya gave him one last grope, then wrapped her arms around him, "I guess I've had enough fun for tonight" She gave him a quick kiss and settled down to sleep. _She was so much less troublesome as an enemy!_

Sai looked around at his fellow travelers, those who were romantically linked had gravitated toward each other, though weather for warmth or companionship it was difficult to tell. Suigetsu was sleeping next to him, and The Twins, being joined, didn't really need further companionship at the moment. Iruka was standing watch near the fire, and Kotaro, who had been sent in Kankurou's place, was sitting beside him, playing a soft melody on his flute. He couldn't see Chouji from where he was laying, but Jirobou was deep in meditation under a nearby tree. Dosu was apparently fast asleep, buried beneath a sleeping bag and undoubtedly that massive fur pelt he wore everywhere, and Naruto was comically posed with his backside sticking in the air and his face in the grass, drooling. Ino and Lee were snuggling near where Dosu was laying, and Sai found it oddly surprising that someone as energetic as Rock Lee actually _slept_. He suddenly had an idea, he stood up, walked over to Naruto, and kicked him in the butt. "What the hell!?" Naruto jumped up, rubbing his sore behind, "Why'd you kick me you #!" Sai smiled, "Sorry, but you make an excellent target."

Zaku and Kin sat on the roof of the Naraku house, looking out across the grasslands. "Pretty, isn't it?" Kin shrugged, "I guess." Zaku smirked, pulled of his shirt and slid closer to Kin, "Zaku, you have all the subtlety of a bomb." He slipped an arm around her, "But my charm and personality make up for it." Kin giggled, "You're lucky you're so cute." She pointed out toward the road, "Zak, either we're being invaded or they're here." Zaku turned to the road too see a rather large, noisy clump of people walking about a mile down the road. "Just when I was getting ready to make my move." he grinned, "I can't believe they came!" "Of course they came, they_ like_ you, for some reason." she laughed, "Now put your shirt on, you don't want to make them sick." She leaned over and kissed him.

Sai shielded his eyes and looked at the house, "There they are, on the roof of their old house, well, they've jumped to the ground now and are heading over." Zaku and Kin ran over, Zaku waving his arms, "Hey! You came!" he grinned, "Change of plans, we're having the party at the old place, the people here are a little scared of having so many foreign ninja walking around the village." Kidoumaru looked at the house, it did sit outside the village walls and at a fair distance, _Why build a house outside the protection of the village? Perhaps they wouldn't let Eiichiro get any closer. He probably had to threaten them to get this close._ "Hey, Windbag! I hear we're related now." Kidoumaru picked him up and tossed him in the air, then caught him in his arms. "Ready for a party?" "Bring it, Game Boy!"

Kankurou eyed his hamburger uninterestedly, "Something wrong, Kitty?" He looked up at his wife, "I'm just a bit tired, I can't believe _he_ was in Konoha . . ." Hana nodded, she knew that Kankurou was upset, and he wasn't worried about himself, but about her, especially now that she was pregnant. "You were right, he wasn't interested in us, as far as I can tell, he just went to his old house and Shikamaru's. That's where Shiromaru and I tracked his scent anyway." Kankurou shrugged, "I can almost see going to his old house, but Shikamaru's? And to apologize? Why would a guy who murdered his own clan, even if it was under orders, a S-Class criminal, _apologize_ because he _scared_ someone, jan?" Hana smiled, "Maybe he's not as evil as everyone thinks." She picked up his hamburger and shoved it into his mouth, "Now eat! I don't want you going anorexic on me!"

The Naraku house was packed with friends from both Konoha and Kusa , talking, eating and laughing. "So, after vaporizing that idiot's head, I went to help out Kidoumaru, but he already had the other guy on the ground, with his summon chowing down!" Zaku and Kin's eyes widened, "You mean, it was eating him?! Serves him right, attacking a bunch of kids." "Yeah, Kidoumaru dismissed his summon, and it took the creep with it, but he'd managed to wound Kido with a poisoned senbon. He was unconscious for three days." Zaku whistled, "Things sure aren't boring in Konoha, are they?" "Nope. Are you guys going to take the exams again?" Kin shrugged, "I haven't decided yet." Zaku shook his head sadly, "No, I can't go through it again. I'm not a ninja anymore."

To be continued . . .


	136. Chapter 136

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 136

Kidoumaru slung an arm around Zaku's shoulder, "Ya' know, Zaku, you used to be a mean, arrogant, rude, perverted, loud-mouthed little brat, but you've changed. You're not so mean anymore." Everyone laughed, "So, they spoiling you soft?" "Maybe." Zaku looked around at the party, "What do you think of the party? Needs more games, right?" "Right." Zaku smirked evilly, "Hey, Kin, wanna' play strip poker?" "Sure, you boys start, and I'll watch." Zaku pouted playfully, "But that's no fun!" Kin smiled, "It is for me."

"Hey, 'Tachi," Kisame stuck his head into the Uchiha's apartment, "You alright?" Itachi was standing at the window, looking out over the beach. "I'm alright, it's odd, but . . . Now that I went back, said what I had to say and actually looked him in the eye as a brother rather than a monster, I almost feel . . . Good." Kisame grinned, revealing his shark-like teeth, "Great! So let's go out, I think you need a girl. And I don't mean one of those trashy Uchiha Groupies either . . . A girl who's into more than black hair, pale skin and red eyes." "Alright." Itachi turned around to find something to wear. "Did you see Obito, 'Tachi?" "Yes," Itachi smiled, "He's doing very well. He actually forgave me." "So, uhm . . . What does he really look like? And, forgive me for this, but how did he become so much fun? Most Uchiha are cold-hearted emo-boys with sticks up their #! And no sense of humor, but not Obito. Was he always like that?" "Yes, he was always wild and emotional, even when he was a kid, he was always the black sheep, everybody assumed he was a loser, the fools. He's better than all of our clan put together. I'm glad I didn't have to kill him, too, though I would gladly have killed Madara . . ." He sighed, "As for what he looks like, he's an Uchiha, his face is beautiful, a bit softer than most of our clan, but his left side is horribly scarred and his right eye is, of course, gone. I have a picture of him as a kid in my book . . ." "Book?" Itachi smiled sadly, "Yes, I have a book of photographs I took after . . . Everything hit the fan." Kisame's right eyebrow arched,_ I hope whoever gave him the orders to do what he did is burning in hell right now._

Deep in hell, Eiichiro watched in amused fascination as a demon pulled Orochimaru's long, slimy tongue over to a gigantic set of gears, placed the appendage within the device, and started it, slowly pulling the Snake towards the crushing gears. He walked over to the struggling Sannin, "Interesting device, isn't it?" He was truly surprised when Orochimaru swung at him, raging like a tethered mad dog. "Very impressive, did you ever fight anyone besides children, you perverted creature?" Orochimaru cursed and struggled as he was pulled even closer to the diabolical machine. "Today is September 14th in the living world, does that date have any meaning for you? I thought not." He kicked the Serpent, "Come, now, don't you remember your apprentices' birthdays? I've been thinking . . ." He put his hands behind his back and started pacing, "I've been thinking, that if you hadn't killed Zaku, he might have been busy somewhere else that day, instead of being at the temple, killing Jashin-Sama. So, I have another reason to rejoice in your agonies." "#! You and #! Jashin!" Orochimaru growled, earning a painful blow from the Jashinist priest, "Silence, blasphemer! You aren't fit to say his name!" Eiichiro was silent for a few moments, watching as Orochimaru fought frantically to free himself. "I've decided to give Zaku a birthday gift. I have permission to show him some of your sufferings . . ."

Zaku smiled in his sleep, he watched as Orochimaru was pulled into a set of giant gears, he laughed as the Sannin was crushed to a bloody pulp over the space of several torturous hours. "Zaku? Are you alright?" His eyes flickered open, "I just had a great dream." "Honestly, you'd think you could at least stay awake for your own party." "I saw _him_, he was in hell, being crushed in a giant machine, it was great." Kin smiled, "Was he screaming?" "Oh yeah, and crying. He was begging! _He_ was actually _begging_!" He laughed, "Best birthday ever!" Zaku stood up and stretched, he'd only been out for a few minutes, and the party was still going strong. "Or it will be, how about that birthday kiss?" she turned around and shouted, "Sure, anyone wanna' kiss the birthday boy?" "I was talking about you!" Kin leaned over and kissed him on the mouth.

"Ah, yes, puppets, they have such wonderful possibilities." Jiraiya sat crossed legged in the palace of the Mizukage of Amegakure, trying to corrupt another young mind. "Yes, they're incredible as weapons, spies, scouts, you can do almost anything with a puppet, jan." The_ anything_ Maki was thinking of was far removed from Jiraiya's ideas. "Yes, Wait! I have another idea!" Jiraiya pulled out a scroll and began writing furiously, "A handsome young puppeteer falls in love with his beautiful puppet, so the gods make her a real woman!" "That stories already been written, it's called _Pygmalion._" Konan walked gracefully into the hallway, "Well, in that story Galatea was a statue, but . . ." "Yes, but _Pygmalion_ didn't involve ninja, and a statue is no puppet. Did Galatea fight battles for her lover? Was she a trusted comrade-in-arms?" "You never change, do you, Jiraiya-Sensei? You'll be peeking into bath houses when you're one-hundred." Jiraiya grinned, "Hey, I'm like fine wine, I get better with age."

Zaku was busy opening presents, he picked up a brightly wrapped package, read the tag and eyed it warily, "Tayuya, if I open this, it won't explode, will it?" "Just shut up and open it!" Zaku carefully unwrapped the package and looked inside, then started laughing, pulling out a t-shirt that said _Windbag_. He placed it among the various items he'd already unwrapped, a skateboard, various weapons, games, clothes and a painting. "Thanks." He opened the next package, a heavy thing with Kankurou's seal on it, and whistled. "Wow . . ." He pulled out a large cluster of multicolored crystals, "Awesome . . ."

Shikamaru was fast asleep, stretched out on the bed in Mizuki's old room, a plate of cake resting on his chest. _He looks so innocent, so helpless . . . Now's my chance!_ Tayuya locked the door, sat on the bed next to the sleeping Nara and ran a hand through his hair, I almost feel sorry for that stupid blonde #!She picked up the plate and set it on the night stand, _I could do whatever I wanted to you . . ._ She curled up next to him, _But I meant it when I said I wouldn't hurt you. Maybe things will finally work out for me . . . For us . . . _She quickly fell asleep, her arms wrapped around Shikamaru.

"Hey, Sai, Naruto robbed you!" Zaku reached into yet another box and pulled out a shirt identical to those worn by the young ANBU, "Hey, Kin, what do you think?" He held the shirt to his chest, "It'll look hot on me, right?" The girl covered her face, Zaku really did have all the tact and subtlety of a bomb, "You really are lucky you're so cute . . ."

To be continued...


	137. Chapter 137

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 137

The master ground his teeth in frustration, "Why? Why won't it work?!" Yet another batch of resurrections had failed, "It worked for Eiichiro!" The scientist shook his head, "I don't know, but I do have a theory, everyone the Akatsuki brought back, with the possible exception of Kakuzu, were not people who could honestly be called '_evil_', they were merely pawns or servants of Orochimaru. They were mislead or misguided, but not really 'bad', the same could be said of Kimimaro," He paused, "They were also all _children_, again, omitting Kakuzu, though whether or not that's significant I don't know. . . ." He sighed and rubbed his forehead, " We could not bring back Orochimaru, Kabuto or even Eiichiro, and I have heard that Konan attempted to bring back Pein and failed as well. Perhaps they're not being_ allowed_ to come back . .." "Then why are Hoshigake Kisame and Uchiha Itachi back among the living?" The master challenged. "I don't know, it's just a theory right now, it's the _only_ theory I have. Perhaps the Shinigami is keeping certain individuals for himself, or itself, however you'd describe such a thing. We know that it can trap people's souls forever . . ." "I don't care! I need an army!" "Then _hire_ one you fool!" The scientist was tired of his master's whining, "You could hire_ three_ armies for the cost of this equipment alone!" "All the powerful ones are already dead!" "Do you honestly believe you could control someone like Orochimaru? Are you that much of a fool?!" The master turned and stormed out of the room, "Good help is so hard to find!"

Shikamaru stirred slowly and opened his eyes to the sight of Tayuya sleeping beside him, _What?!_ He smiled and reached out to touch her cheek, _She didn't molest me in my sleep? I think I would have woken up if she did . . . She looks so sweet asleep, you wouldn't think she had that kind of a mouth on her now. _He held her closer, _This isn't too troublesome . . . If she wants to sleep, I'm not gonna wake her up._ He smiled and brushed a few hairs from her eyes, then settled down and went back to sleep.

"So, how's life treating you, 'Zuki?" Iruka nudged his friend, "Got a girlfriend yet?" "Not yet," Mizuki smiled, "But things are going good. I still miss having those kids around, but I'm really feeling good about supporting myself now, it's embarrassing to have to rely on a sixteen-year old kid for food and shelter. But I'm grateful, he saved my life several times, and helped me get some of my self-respect back . . ." "Eiji's very mature and responsible for his age, but I guess living with a psychopath and then spending a year fending for yourself will make you learn to be self-reliant." He paused, "Do you think you'll ever come back?" Mizuki shook his head, "No, I don't believe so, not for long, anyway, I have a life here now. It's funny, 'Ruka, but I'm actually teaching again, in a way, I help Zaku and Kin out with their schoolwork, and I've started tutoring Eiji as well, would you believe he hasn't been to school in six years? Eiichiro taught him some things, and he taught himself others . . . But he still has a great deal to learn. In a way, that helps me, too, it makes me feel like I'm paying him back some for helping me out."

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!" Zaku shook his head at the chorus, "This from a spider, a two-headed creep and a fox!" Sakon and Ukon puffed up, "Hey, we're actually two people existing in a symbiotic relationship!" Kidoumaru picked up the birthday boy, "Well, time for the birthday spankin'! Fifteen should go by pretty fast with six paddles!" "Lemme' go you pervert!" Kidoumaru laughed, "Awww, you know I wouldn't do that!" he smacked Zaku on the bottom, "Or would I?" "That brat's needed a spanking for years!" Ukon chimed in, "I'll hold him while you hit him!" Kidoumaru set him down and mussed his spiky hair, "Naw, it's his big day, and he's been good, right?" he looked around, "Hey, where's Shikamaru and Tayuya?" he shrugged, "Doesn't matter . . . Hey, Zak, teach me that Ball-Buster Jutsu you used on Shino!"

Eiji ran a hand through his jet black hair, "Kimimaro is alive again? I hadn't heard, how's he coping?" Jirobou shrugged, "I honestly don't know, he's been keeping mostly to himself. Part of it's arrogance, part of it's just that he's never really been close to anyone outside of Juugo and Orochimaru, and Orochimaru never really cared about him. Tsunade-Sama agreed to let him stay if he got therapy, he doesn't like it, but he knows he doesn't have anywhere else to go." Eiji nodded, "He really needs therapy, maybe he can finally see that there's life beyond Orochimaru." He paused, "Speaking of that trash, I found out what they did to his body. His skeleton's hanging in a cage in the center of Oto, it's on display for everyone to see. Me, I'd throw it in the sewers where he belongs, but leaving him out for public mockery is good, too."

"So, the gang's all here," Dosu grinned at his two former teammates, "We really kicked butt, didn't we?" Zaku sighed, "You're still kickin' butt, Dosu. Me and Kin are just hitting books instead of hitting ninja, not that I mind, I . . . I've just had enough, ya' know." Kin nodded sadly, "After what we've been through, I don't blame you. If I do go back, I hope I won't have to take the exams in Konoha, too many bad memories . . ." Dosu smiled thinly, "I walk past the Sunagakure residence all the time . . . Kankurou-Sama's a nice guy, we hang out sometimes, but I still feel a chill when I think of Gaara-Sama. When he was in Konoha for the wedding, I saw him, he just looked at me funny and said he was glad to see I was alive. It really creeped me out, but Kankurou-Sama has told me a lot about him, he's had a really bad life. He died once, like us, he was killed by Akatsuki." "At least you got to die in battle, we . . ." Zaku shuddered. "That's the past," Dosu put an arm around his shoulder, "Now _he's_ in hell, and _we're_ rockin' topside."

Orochimaru turned to Eiichiro, who was watching as he was being prepared for the next session of torture, whatever the condition of his perverse soul, his mind was still intact, "What do you care about Abumi? He killed your #! God! And you hate me for killing him!?" Eiichiro shrugged, "Zaku killed Jashin-Sama because it was his destiny, and I can't argue with that. As for why I care about him, he's _loyal_. Loyalty is a rare trait, it should never be misused, or betrayed. You did_ both_ when you murdered Zaku and the girl, and that's one of the main reasons you're here. At least when I killed, I killed enemies, I didn't kill my own allies. I'm here for killing, you're here for betrayal and murder, and, as you can see, I'm not the one being tortured." He smiled, "Besides, my family adopted the Windbag." Orochimaru screamed as the first joint of his right little finger was cut off, and Eiichiro shook his head. Orochimaru began a string of curses and insults toward the Naraku and Abumi clans. "Now, is that any way to talk? Ah . . . They're going to take you apart bone by bone again, that's one of my favorites." He turned as he sensed Jashin's presence, and knelt in reverence, "Still tormenting that filthy thing I see, No matter, I came to tell you that Hidan will be joining us soon." "That is most . . . Excellent, Jashin-Sama. Brother Hidan has been languishing in torment since the Nara brat took out his eyes. I'm sure he will be most grateful for your blessed attentions." "Come, I have an appointment with my father, and I wish for you to meet him." Eiichiro's eyes widened, "Your _father_! Asshur-Sama? I am truly blessed!" He hurried off with his evil master, leaving the equally evil Snake Sannin alone with his torment.

"Don't you dare say one #! Word about this! If you tell anyone, I'll #! Kill your #!" Shikamaru yawned and reached for his now stale cake, "What, you're not gonna' rip my balls off?" Tayuya smiled, "Okay, I'll rip your #! Balls off, then kill you." She laughed, "You're makin' me soft, Lazy-#! I could have had my way with you last night, but I couldn't do that to you . . ." She blushed slightly, then caught herself, "I can't #! Promise I'll be so #! Respectful next time!" Shikamaru smiled and kissed her, getting frosting on her face, "Thanks, Tayuya." She huffed and tried to look angry, but failed. "We better get out of here before they leave without us."

"Say thanks to Kanky and Kibbles for me." Everyone started laughing, "Kanky and Kibbles?" Suigetsu nearly fell over, "I'll have to remember that!" "See ya' Windbag!" Dosu shouted. "Yeah, take care of yourself and that hairy back of yours!" he turned just in time to catch a brief glance of Lee's blinding smile, "Ack, Green-Boy, eat some junk food, those teeth are brighter than the sun!" As they waved goodbye, Kin whispered into Zaku's ear, "Try that outfit on for me later . . ."

To be continued...


	138. Chapter 138

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 139

Kankurou was practicing with his puppets at the Academy training grounds, just because he was an ambassador in a foreign country didn't mean he was going to let his skills go to hell. "Kankurou-San?" he turned to see a tall, pale-skinned boy with white hair whom he vaguely recognized, "Kimimaro, right?" "Yes, you're brother is Gaara-Sama." It wasn't a question, "He's an impressive fighter, we had quite a match, before my lungs gave out." Kankurou nodded, "Yeah, he told me about that, jan. He said he'd never fought anyone like you, and he was sure he'd never fight anyone so . . . Incredible? Again." "I'm flattered. Your skills are impressive as well, you defeated the Twins and, from what I've heard, you even faced Akasuna No Sasori and lived." "Barely, I would have died if not for Sakura. She was able to beat his poison, that was the real feat, jan." Kimimaro smiled, "Sakura? Kidoumaru's girlfriend? So she's more than just a pretty face." Kankurou nodded, "A lot more, she's probably the most skilled healer in this village, after Tsunade-Sama. And she fought Sasori as well, jan." "I am impressed, he has better taste than I gave him credit for." he sat on a nearby log, "Don't mind me, please, continue. I find your jutsu fascinating." Kankurou nodded and resumed his practice.

"Good morning, Orochimaru." Eiichiro smiled and kicked the Snake Sannin, who was chained against a rugged wall of ice, "I have a message from my brother, he says 'Your bones are rotting on display in Otogakure, the universe spits on your name and you can never be forgiven for your crimes.'" "What do I care what that fool thinks?" Orochimaru struck Eiichiro with his elongated tongue, but Eiichiro only grinned wider, "He also said, 'Hurt him, hurt him badly.' So I've gotten permission to spend some quality time with you." He reached into his robe and pulled out a small, dull knife, "Now, this will take some time, but I promise, it won't be boring." Orochimaru's screams echoed throughout the pits of hell . . .

"Home, sweet, home!" Kidoumaru picked Sakura up in his arms, "C'mon Babe, we got a lot to catch up on." Naruto rushed into the village, his speed putting Lee to shame, one word on his lips, "Ramen!" He burst into the Ichiraki, "Ramen, the love of my life! Give me ten, no_ twenty_ bowls!" Shikamaru yawned and stretched, "Finally, I can sleep in my own bed again . . ." "And I can sleep in your own bed too." Tayuya smirked. "I don't think mom would approve." Shikamaru replied. "I want a hot bath!" Suigetsu moaned, " I'm going to the onsen . . ." "I want to go to the Barbeque Rack!" Chouji proclaimed, and Jirobou nodded in agreement. "Me too!" Shikamaru thought about it for a moment, but the call of his bed was too strong. Kidoumaru smiled, "What do you say, Babe? Want barbeque?" Sakura smiled, "That sounds great." "Okay, I gotta' see the folks first." He turned, "Hey, Kotaro, wanna' come eat? I still owe you for breaking your flute." Kotaro scratched the back of his head, "Alright. I have to check in with Kankurou-Sama first, though." "We can do that on the way. What about you, Sensei?" "I'm afraid I have work I need to catch up on." "Aw, c'mon, it won't kill you . . . _Probably_, it depends on how long the beef's been sitting there . . ." Iruka smiled, "Okay, but I can't stay too long."

"So, he liked the gift, jan?" Kotaro nodded, "You should have seen his face when he opened the package! He's probably going to rig it with lights." Kankurou laughed, "I thought so, Shikamaru told me he had a Lava Lamp, and that crystal will throw off quite a light-show, jan." 'Hey, Kanky!" Kankurou whipped around to face Kidoumaru, "What did you call me?" "Kanky." Kankurou moaned, "Great, _another_ nickname, jan." "Hey, you want to come to the Barbeque Rack? And I guess you can come too, Kimimaro. That is, if you're willing to eat with people like us." Kimimaro snorted, "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"Eiichiro was here?" Akira shook his head as Tomoe stifled tears. "Yes, he said . . ." Eiji hesitated, "He said he enjoys . . . Hell, he's with Jashin and gets to . . ." Eiji tried to put into words what had happened earlier in the day, and he certainly didn't want to tell them that Eiichiro was torturing Orochimaru, even if they all agreed he deserved it, he'd tell Zaku and Kin later, alone, "He said he gave Zaku a birthday gift, a vision of that snake being tortured in hell . . ." "That was real!" Zaku shouted, "Awesome! Did you here that Kin, he really is suffering!" Zaku stopped himself from saying anything else, he knew this was a bad time to gloat, "Sorry." "That's alright, Zaku." Akira said, "Go on, Eiji." "He said he understood, he understood I didn't have a choice, and he doesn't blame Zaku either. Said it was destiny. I asked him if he wanted me to tell you anything . . ." He inhaled deeply, "He said, 'Tell them I'm glad they now have two sons they can be proud of.'" Akira put his arms around his wife, who'd started to cry. "That's all, then he vanished."

As they walked off toward the restaurant, another familiar face appeared, "Hiro! You're back!" Kidoumaru walked over and shook his hand, "How was the trip?" "Great, I learned a lot from Kotaro." he looked at the summoner," The _other_ Kotaro, I mean." he smiled, " I saw Goro, he said he's coming back next exam, and he intends to pass." Kidoumaru shrugged, "I'm sure he will, a few more seconds and I'd have been flash-fried . . . Did you see Anji?" Hiro nodded, "Yeah, in Kirigakure, he's coming back too." Kidoumaru grinned, "We're going to lunch, want to come?" Sakon turned to Ukon, "Do you think they have enough room for everyone? Looks like the whole village is coming!" Ukon nodded, "I hope Kidoumaru has some cash, I'm not washing dishes!"

A small crowd of demons had gathered to watch as Eiichiro skinned Orochimaru with a little dull knife, laughing as he screamed and begged for mercy. "Making some #! Snake-skin boots, brother?" Eiichiro turned to see Hidan, once again whole, "Brother Hidan! I heard you were coming!" he turned to Orochimaru, "Wait right here." he laughed, "I'm thinking of binding my copy of _Prophecies of Aku_ in this wretch's skin. I may also make a door mat, maybe some leather furniture." "I hope I can do that to that #! Inbred brat! Nara #! Shikamaru destroyed my body and #! tore out my #! Eyes! I #! Hate his #!" Eiichiro shook his head, "I don't think he'll be joining us, brother. You_ do_ realize where we are?" Hidan huffed, "Let's see, lakes of #! Blood, demons, fire . . . Heaven?" he replied sarcastically, "I know where the #! We are, because that #! Orochimaru wouldn't #! be here if it wasn't #! hell!" "If you're in a bad mood, you can take it out on our snake-tongued companion, here. Madara is also here, and he has a surprisingly _low_ tolerance for pain." "I #! think I'll just watch you for a while, Jashin-Sama said he'd meet me here." Eiichiro shrugged, "Suit yourself." he turned back to the Sannin, "Now, where were we?"

To be continued...


	139. Chapter 140

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 140

Sai watched Kankurou curiously, _He's very confusing, among us, he's loud, boisterous, humorous and somewhat arrogant, but around women, especially his wife, he's timid and controlled, and in battle, he's serious and efficient. He has tremendous emotional control and high intelligence, but plays the fool most of the time. Kidoumaru has great intelligence, but lacks emotional control and is only serious in battle if outmatched._ "Kankurou-San?" Kankurou turned to Sai, "Yes?" "Are you enjoying life in Konoha?" Kankurou smiled, "Yes, though it does rain a bit more than I'm comfortable with, jan." "Do you miss your family?" Sai asked, and Kankurou nodded, "If you'd told me five years ago I'd miss Gaara, I'd have laughed in your face, jan. But now," he paused, "I've come to appreciate him, and even understand him, a little, and we're very close now. I miss him, not being there for him, and for Temari, especially now that she's . . . _Ill_, jan." Sai smiled, "Then why did you stay?" "Because I love Hana, and I don't want her to have to leave her family and her home. She was willing to move to Suna, but since she's not used to the desert, I was worried about her. Inuzuka aren't desert people, jan. Besides, I can visit when I like." Sai shook his head, "I think she's a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She could handle life in Sunagakure, people have been living there for hundreds of years, and many of them have had and raised children." Kankurou swallowed hard, "I don't want to inconvenience her, but I want to be with my family, they really do need me, jan. Is that selfish?" "You're asking the wrong person," Sai smiled, "But it seems logical, your family needs you, Hana understands that, I'm sure. The Inuzuka clan is not as troubled as your family. Her absence would not be as disruptive as yours." "I-I'll . . . talk to her. But Kiba will kill me if I take Hana to Suna, jan." "I doubt that, seriously injure you, perhaps, but not outright murder." Kankurou laughed, "You really have a way of comforting people, don't you?" Sai didn't understand the sarcastic remark, "Thank you."

"What is it like, being in love?" Kankurou thought for a moment, "It's difficult to describe, especially to someone who can't really feel emotion, because it's the greatest of emotions, love. You would do anything for the person you love, even die to protect them, jan. I guess it's like loyalty, but with an even greater emotional bond." "What about physical attraction?" Kankurou laughed, "That's part of it, but, really, it's not that important to being in love. It's about being attracted to each other's personalities, their souls, jan." Sai nodded, "That is why people stay together even after their appearances change with age?" "Yes." "You are very lucky, to be in love." Kankurou shuddered involuntarily, he couldn't imagine having to live without emotions, 'Yes, yes I am."

Kidoumaru pulled Sakura onto his lap, earning a playful slap, "Mmmmm, feisty, are we?" he laughed, "I may have to slap you back . . ." Sakura leaned back against his chest, "I wouldn't try it." "Yeah, she'll beat you silly!" Ino chimed in, "She's violent!" "And you're not?" Sakura glared, then turned to Kidoumaru, "I can't eat like this." "I'll feed you." he grinned, and picked up her fork, "Open wide." "Get a room you two!" Sakon and Ukon made wretching noises. Sakura squirmed off of Kidoumaru's lap, then kissed him, "We can cuddle later." Kidoumaru pouted, "Okay . . ."

Zaku, Kin and Eiji sat around the latter's room, talking about what had occurred over the last few days. "How can he not be angry with me, I killed his god!" Eiji shook his head, "He believes that it was destiny, he's a strong believer in destiny. I also think he's kind of fond of you, you're strong, loyal and brave, Eiichiro admires that." Kin reached over and held Zaku's hand, "Sounds like you lucked out. Cute and lucky! Now if you were just _smart_ . . ." She laughed nervously, "Oh well, two out of three isn't bad." Zaku stuck out his tongue, "I can be smart." he turned to Eiji, "So he said he'd hurt that Snake for us?" Eiji nodded, "Yeah." "Good." The room was silent for a moment. Zaku laughed, "I guess Eiichiro's not so bad after all!"

Hidan and Eiichiro followed Jashin as he headed into a different area of hell, away from the perverse Orochimaru, and over to the vile Uchiha Madara. Madara was suspended by a chain over a pit of acid, as the demons slowly lowered the chain, they paused to watch for a moment, then headed on, past Kabuto, who was strapped down in a lab, being experimented on by demon scientists, past numerous others, old enemies and new faces. Jashin smiled and stopped, watching as the Yondaime Kazekage was ripped limb from limb by demon dogs. "This is a wonderful place, isn't it?" Hidan decided to ask the question that had been bothering him ever since he arrived, "You didn't say anything about us going to #! Hell, Jashin-Sama. Why are we here?" Jashin laughed, "Did you really think you would go to heaven? After everything that you've done in my name? I never promised my followers heaven, did I? Besides," he waved around him, "This place_ is_ heaven for us. All of this blood and pain." Eiichiro glared at Hidan, "Silence! This is far better than where you were!" Hidan bowed deeply, "My apologies, Jashin-Sama. Please, forgive me!" Jashin grunted in disinterest, he was focused on the Kazekage, "Oh look, he's being eaten by a doggie!" Jashin laughed and walked on, followed by his two worshipers.

Obito walked into the house and walked over to Sasuke, who was sitting grim-faced on the couch, "Smile! You should smile more!" He reached out and took hold of Sasuke's cheeks, pulling his face into a grin, "It's not too hard, see?" Sasuke pulled away, but he kept the smile. "That's better!" Obito plopped down on the couch, "Even an Uchiha can smile!" Sasuke shook his head, "You are an exceptional Uchiha. I almost believe that you're actually Naruto in disguise." Obito proudly pointed his thumb at his chest, "Obito was the _original_ Knucklehead Ninja!" He put an arm around his younger kinsman, "You remind Obito of Kakashi when he was a kid, all serious and grumpy. So Obito will teach you how to be happy!" Sasuke smiled, then turned serious again, "Obito, I-I'm sorry for the way I treated you when we first met." Obito smiled, though a softer smile, "Everyone makes mistakes. Most people treat Obito like an idiot, back in Akatsuki, everyone laughed at Tobi, but the ones who knew, they were afraid, afraid of Madara. Obito would rather be Tobi and good than Madara and evil." "Kakashi was right though, after all you've done, all you've been through, no one has the right to treat you like that. Especially not me." Obito's smile faltered slightly, "You did what you believed was right, you wanted to avenge our clan. As for calling Obito names, Obito doesn't care." He held up his damaged arm and touched his scarred face, "Sticks and stones . . ." There was an uncomfortable silence, then Obito broke in, "Obito forgave you already, don't worry, smile! Have fun! You're young, you should enjoy life!" Sasuke did smile, _After everything, everything he's suffered, he can still smile and laugh! He's lost as much as I have, more, even, and he can live, he can be happy! Still, he does suffer, the nightmares and memories of what happened, what he was forced to do, but he endures . . . And I sit here moping because of Itachi_. "Are you alright, Sasuke?" Sasuke broke out of his reverie, "Yeah, I think . . . I think I'll be okay now."

Kidoumaru stopped for a moment to talk to Naruto, who was walking toward the park with Hinata, "So, Naruto, I've noticed, all the faces on the Hokage monument are all stern and serious, when you commission yours, are you going to have a smiling face up there to lighten the mood?"Naruto nodded, "Dattebayo!" he gave a thumbs up, "I'm no sour-puss!""I believe it!" They all laughed at that. "I'll see you later," Kidoumaru waved and walked on to his home. Shikato lay half asleep on the porch, "Oh, hey, Kidoumaru, have a good time at the barbeque rack?" "Yosh!" "Oh God, you've been hanging out with that crazy boy again, haven't you?" They laughed, and Yoshino stepped outside, and he gave her a hug. "I missed you guys. But I'm glad we went, you should have seen Zaku's face when he saw us, Kin said he didn't think anyone liked him enough to come." Yoshino shook her head, "Why_ wouldn't_ we like him? He's a sweet boy." Kidoumaru laughed, "He used to be a real brat, but, then, I guess we all were. He was afraid people would judge him on the way he was before." Yoshino frowned, "Poor boy, he's been through so much." Her eyes narrowed, "I wish I could have just five minutes alone with that Snake, I'd make him wish he'd never been born." Kidoumaru nodded, "And you could, too. I wouldn't mind a crack at him myself." He stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles, "But he's in hell, and I don't feel like wasting time on thinking about him, I'm sure he's getting what he deserves." "I doubt he can ever get what he _truly_ deserves, there's not enough torture in hell for that."

Kidoumaru walked into his room, lay on his bed, and stared up at the ceiling_, What a day! I still can't believe that a girl like Sakura could go for a guy like me. I can't believe a guy like Shika . . . No, I can see him liking Tayuya, he wants a woman to boss his lazy butt around, but it's weird. I still can't believe she's not a man-hating lesbian! I guess I owe Sakon some cash . . ._

To be continued...


	140. Chapter 141

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 141

Kin looked up at the sound of the knock on her bedroom door, "Come in." Tomoe walked in and shut the door behind her, "Kin, can we talk?" "Sure.' Tomoe came over and sat next to the girl on her bed, "I just . . . I know it might seem that we spend a lot more time with Zaku, but we do care about you, too, it's just, with Zaku's condition . . ." Kin nodded, "I understand. Zaku, he worshiped that . . .Thing, so what happened was a _lot_ worse for him, and he needs more attention. I don't feel neglected or anything, in fact, this is the first time I've really had anything like a family." Tomoe looked down, "I know that you've been through a lot too, and you died with him . . ." She shuddered, "I mean, if you, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here for you." Kin smiled, "I know. After what happened, it's . . . Hard to cope. But I'm too happy to be alive to think about . . . That." Tomoe put an arm around the girl, "Don't let it torture you, we can help, if you need it." Kin shuddered, she'd never been treated kindly before coming to this place. Orochimaru had used, abused, and killed her, Akatsuki didn't care one way or the other, and she was just a weapon in Iwagakure. She really didn't know how to respond to that kind of affection. She began to cry, and Tomoe pulled her close, "Everything is alright now." She said gently, "We're here, and you don't have to be afraid anymore."

"What right do you have to condemn me? You're as evil as I am." Eiichiro gazed calmly down at the bound Snake Sannin, "I am_ not_ evil, my god requires blood sacrifice, and I am his faithful follower. You kill for your own ends and your own perverted gain, you betray and murder those who faithfully follow you, and you even_ rape_ young boys. _You_ are evil, I am not." Orochimaru laughed bitterly, "Those you murdered would disagree. Outside of my passions, we are the same. _Murderers_. I killed to survive and grow powerful, I used and sacrificed those beneath me because that was their purpose, and would they have followed me so faithfully if I had told them my _true_ feelings and intentions? Some pawns must be sacrificed to achieve victory, even your beloved Jashin-Sama knew that, else you and all his other priests would still live . . ." "Don't compare yourself to Jashin-Sama, you filth! We _agreed_ to sacrifice ourselves for him, he had no need to _deceive_ or _murder_ us!" Orochimaru smirked, "Do you_ honestly_ think any of those I sacrificed would have _chosen_ that destiny? Kimimaro, perhaps, but none of the others, certainly. If I had told your little friends what I was going to do to them, do you honestly think they would have accompanied Kabuto and I even to Konoha, much less to their deaths?" he laughed, "They would have ran for their meaningless little lives. Even Zaku, after all I gave him, after all the help, power and training I gifted him with, the very items that allowed him to live as long as he did, was unwilling, in the end, to sacrifice himself for me. Pathetic little thing actually tried to_ fight_ me, wounded and weeping as he was. . ." Orochimaru's voce was cut off as Eiichiro literally took hold of his tongue and ripped it from his mouth, "I have listened enough to your blasphemies and boasting!" The priest was trembling with rage, "I am_ infinitely_ better than you!" He turned away from the monster and stalked out of the cell, yet, in the back of his mind, as hard as he tried to fight it, an ugly fear was growing, _Could I truly be evil? I have raped no one, nor betrayed others like that heathen dog, I have lived an austere life, yet, I have killed, many, many times . . ._

The former Oto-Nins sat around a table at the Burger Palace, having another weekly get-together, only this time, Kimimaro was with them. "We're almost out of ideas,' Sakon shrugged, "Sai was really #! Over by these ROOT guys, we can barely get any kind of emotion out of him." Kidoumaru leaned forward, "What he told me, about his emotional centers in his brain being underdeveloped, I have no doubt it's true. He is only capable of so much . . ." "But he does feel emotions!" Ukon insisted, "He's told us about certain feelings he has, he didn't even know it, but they are emotions. Things like sadness, loneliness, hatred, even love." Kidoumaru shook his head, "I'm not saying it's completely hopeless, only that he will never be able to feel emotions at a normal level . . ." Kimimaro listened quietly, finding it hard to believe that The Twins could be so concerned about someone outside of themselves, could they have changed so much? He knew who Sai was, a boy, like himself, raised to be an ultimate weapon, but unlike Kimimaro, Sai's emotions had been so suppressed that he was basically incapable of feeling. The Twins were living with Sai and that lunatic Suigetsu, so perhaps it was some sense of owing him a debt. They couldn't possibly _care_ about him, could they?

"It's terrible, what kind of person could do that to someone else?" Jirobou asked, "Someone like Orochimaru, for one." Kidoumaru replied. "That #! Snake was capable of anything, I think we all #! Know that." Tayuya added. Kimimaro was floored that his former subordinates could speak in such away against Orochimaru-Sama. Dosu noticed the Kaguya's expression change, and decided to get back to the original topic, "The guy who did this is still in the hospital, totally paralyzed. What's his name, Danzo?" "Yeah, Danzo, that #!. And these #! Idiots just let him roam around free, they even kept him on their #! Council _after_ they found out what he'd done!" Ukon snarled, "He's worse than we ever were, and I'm glad that #! Is suffering!" Kimimaro finally spoke up, "Why do you two care about this Sai person?" Sakon and Ukon stared for a moment, "Because he's cool, he always says what's on his mind, he never looks down on us, and he accepts us as we are." "Yeah, #! Weird, ain't it?" Tayuya said, "The Creeps actually have friends here. Sure, one's a robot and the other's #! Nuts . . ." "Not as weird as Tayuya getting a man!" Ukon laughed, right before Tayuya jumped him. As they fought, Ino came rushing up, "Dosu! There you are! Did you hear about Shino?" Dosu turned, "No, what happened?" "He was wounded on his mission, he broke _both _arms." Dosu started laughing loudly, "Zaku will go _wild_ when he hears this! I have to write him and let him know!" Dosu rushed off to write said letter, and Tayuya snickered, "Bug-Butt hurt his widdle arms?" The Twins were even less sympathetic, "Wouldn't it be funny if his arms had to be amputated?" "_Indeed_, bro." Jirobou shook his head, "You guys are just cruel. We've all hurt people in the past, killed people even, we really can't talk about . . ." "Like #! We can't!" Tayuya shouted, "We don't have to forgive all these #! Losers!" Kidoumaru groaned, "He's not such a bad guy, I mean, what he did to the little Windbag was horrible, but that was battle, and he was one of the first people here to accept me..." Kimimaro smiled thinly, _So, they're not completely soft._

Hana ran her fingers through her husband's hair, "I understand, Gaara and Temari need you, and you need them. Your family was so hurt by your father, I can see how you would need each other." "I'd hate to have to drag you all the way to Sunagakure, jan." "I'm an Inuzuka, we're as tough as they come. I'm not afraid of a little sun." "You still have your clinic to care for, jan." Hana shook her head, "You're just looking for excuses, Kitty, the clinic is family-owned. I'm not the only vet in Konoha. You're just scared of telling my family you're taking me to Suna." Kankurou blushed, "Can you blame me? And it's not just that, you're pregnant, it's a long, hard walk, and they haven't built a railroad . . ." he paused, "I'm worried that you'll get over-stressed and something will happen to the baby." "We could always wait until after the baby is born." "The heat is terrible on the way to Sunagakure!" Hana smiled, "You're certainly nothing like the Kazekage, it's not even a month into the pregnancy and you're already terrified for the kid's safety. I worry too, it's a delicate thing, having a baby, but it's not as dangerous as you think. I'm not going to do anything to put our baby in danger, if something's dangerous, I won't do it. Trust me." Kankurou smiled, "I do, I'm just scared." "That's only natural, Kitty. You want to do what's best for your family, and you don't want to make any mistakes." She leaned forward and kissed him, "I'm glad I fell in love with a man like you."

"Hey! Spider-Freak!" Kidoumaru turned to see Tayuya coming up behind him, "What do you want?' he moaned, not wanting to be cussed out again. "I," She looked around, to make sure no one was around, "I just wanted to say . . . _I'm sorry_." Kidoumaru's jaw dropped, "Y-you're sorry? For what?" Tayuya glared at him, "For letting Hidan almost kill your stupid #!, what do you #! Think! I just #! stood there and let him #! Beat the #! Out of you and Break your #! Arms and legs, that's #! What!" Kidoumaru stood silently for a moment, it had to be hard for Tayuya to apologize for anything. "I-it's okay, I mean, what could you have done, anyway?" Tayuya shook her head, "I didn't even try. I didn't #! care, I was so #! Mad you let Shikamaru go . . . I was ready to #! Kill you myself." Kidoumaru shook his head, "That's over and done with. We've all changed so much . . ." "How the #! Can everyone here be so #! Forgiving! I almost wish some #! Would just say they still #! Hated me! At least that would be #! Normal!" Kidoumaru laughed, "Temari-San didn't seem too happy to see you!" Tayuya snarled, then started laughing, "Yeah, she didn't much #! Like me, did she?" "See, people still hate you!" Tayuya smiled a sweet, frightening smile, "Do you hate me, Kidoumaru?" He scratched the back of his head nervously, "Err . . . What answer do you _want_ to hear?" Tayuya's eyes narrowed, and Kidoumaru ran for his life, "_Feh_, coward." She laughed, then turned and headed for the place she was certain her lazy boyfriend would be, the hill.

Aburame Shino lay sullenly in his hospital bed, both arms heavily bandaged. One stupid mistake, a hidden trap and his arms snapped like twigs. "Shino?" Sakura walked into the room, "Feeling any better?" "Some." Shino moaned, "_What_ did I do to deserve this?" "Well, you did _blow_ Zaku's arms off . . ." Sakura caught herself, "But I'm not saying you _deserved_ this or anything!" "Zaku, I bet he's laughing his #! Off!" Sakura shook her head, "No, not yet, anyway, it will be at least two days before word reaches Kusagakure. We really need to get Inter-Village telephone lines . . ." "You know, your bedside manner _sucks._"

Eiichiro sat in his cozy little corner of hell, putting the finishing touches on his bookbinding project. Orochimaru's skin made a very fine quality leather, he had to admit. And, this being hell, it would always grow back to be taken again. Eiichiro generally hated torture, it was a waste of time for mortals and a pleasure reserved only for Jashin-Sama. But here, in hell, everyone was already dead, they could not really be sacrificed again, and he had nothing but time. He had no qualms about torturing twisted, perverted, disloyal, heathen monsters like Orochimaru and Madara, they deserved no less. He paused and shuddered as Orochimaru's words from before came back into his head._ We are the same. Murderers._ He closed his eyes and pushed those thoughts aside, surely it was untrue. He positioned the skin so that the face was on the book's cover, he had gained this copy of _The Prophecies of Aku_ from a fellow worshiper of Jashin-Sama, who also happened to be a demon. It was very common book here in hell. He opened the book and turned to the final pages;

_So the Betrayer led them to the Temple of Jashin and did mortal battle with his own blood, as the Invisible Blade and his retainers slaughtered the faithful and breached the Temple gates. And the Invisible Blade did battle with Jashin-Sama, it was a mighty battle, but Jashin-Sama's fleshly manifestation was weak, and he was cut to pieces. Thus Jashin-Sama perished. The heathens tore down the great Temple, and desecrated the Altar of Blood . . . _

He shook his head, "The Betrayer._ Eiji_ . . ." He'd known, almost from the beginning, that his brother would betray him, betray everything he had tried to teach him. It was the curse of his visions, and, despite this, he had nurtured and raised the one he knew would kill him, kill everything he held sacred. Even so, he could never bring himself to thwart the prophecy by killing the boy. Eiji did not hate him, he killed Eiichiro to protect his friends, and the priest could not fault him for that. He stood and set the book aside, it no longer mattered. It was the past now, the visions were mercifully gone and everything had come to pass. It was over.

To be continued...


	141. Chapter 142

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 142

"Hey, Kanky!" Kankurou turned to see Kiba running over, holding a shopping bag, "That's Kankurou-_San_, Dog-Breath. What do you want?" "Well excuse me, yer Lordship." Kiba bowed dramatically, "Want me to kiss yer feet too?" Kankurou smiled, "Just get on with it." Kiba pouted, "Is that any way to talk to someone who's brought you a gift? I picked it _just_ for you, it _really_ fits." Kankurou took the bag cautiously from the grinning Inuzuka and looked inside, "What the hell . . ." He pulled out a leash and spiked dog collar. On the collar was a large, engraved tag that read _'BITCH'_. Kiba laughed loudly, "Well, I figured that since you're Hana's little bitch . . ." "I'll kill you!" Kiba fled, laughing, as his brother-in-law rushed after him.

Zaku was rolling on the floor, laughing himself to tears, "Zaku, is it really appropriate to laugh at someone else's suffering?" Akira asked, trying to stifle his own laughter, "I think so!" Zaku's response made everyone chuckle a bit, "That Bug-Loving Freak got what he deserved!" Eiji shook his head, trying to stop his own laughter, "We're terrible people, aren't we?" Once the laughter had died down, Zaku just lay flat on his back on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, "I guess you're right," He sighed, then held his hands in front of his face, looking at his restored limbs, "But after what he did to me . . . I can't feel sorry for him." "Yeah, I probably couldn't either, in fact . . ." Akira picked the boy up and tossed him into the air, catching him safely on the way down, "I wasn't even there, and I don't like the kid." He set Zaku back down and ruffled his spikey hair. Eiji smiled, it was good to see the kid happy. He still remembered, and would never forget, the haunted, traumatized boy that had been brought to his doorstep less than a year before. He and Mizuki had done a lot to help to him, what they could, anyway, but Kin's arrival had really brought him out of his shell, and moving in to live with his parents, then having him adopted, had really helped his sense of self-worth. It was a great feeling, seeing him smile and laugh, and Eiji was grateful to have played some small part in it.

"You dirty, lying piece of #!" Kiba moved to attack Kankurou, only to be pulled back roughly by his mother, "You #!, you said you wouldn't take her to Suna!" Hana snarled at her younger brother, "I agreed, Kiba. His family needs him more than you need me." "I don't care how #! Up his family is! He's not . . ." Tsume put a clawed hand over her son's mouth, "That's enough, Kiba! He's right, with Gaara just learning emotions and Temari sick like she is, they need him!" Kiba's eyes glared over Tsume's hand, and Kankurou eyed Akamaru nervously, "I didn't want it like this, but I love my brother and sister too. Gaara and I never had a chance to bond or anything when we were growing up. I wasn't there for him we he was a kid, and I won't abandon him again, jan. And poor Temari . . . She needs all the support she can get too." He said quietly, "I won't let anything happen to Hana." Kiba pulled slightly free, "You better pray nothing happens to her, or I'll skin your #! Alive!" "Kiba! Stop it! This is hard enough for us as it is, don't make it like this! I can protect myself, too, I'm not helpless, I've kicked your sorry tail hundreds of times!" Kiba sat down on the couch, and didn't say anything else, he just sulked. "I understand, Kankurou. Go, take care of your family. I'll miss you, Hana, but every pup has to leave their mother some day." She hugged her daughter, then her son-in-law, "You're a good man, I know I can trust you." She smiled, "We'll visit whenever we can." Kankurou bowed slightly, "Thank you, ma'am."

Kidoumaru smiled and stretched out on the grass, putting arm around Sakura's waist, "So, how's Shino?" Sakura smiled, "Shino? What about me? You're not dating Shino . . . Are you?" They laughed, "He's recovering well, he's just being a_ total_ brat. Whining, complaining, insulting the staff, it's almost like when we had Sasuke in the hospital, except Sasuke didn't bring a swarm of bugs with him." Kidoumaru pulled her closer, "Shino's not that bad, he likes bugs and spiders. He's really weird, but so is his family, how do they eat with those high collars?!" She snuggled against the Spider-Nin, "I don't know, I think the bugs eat for them." he grinned, "I think you're right. I should go visit him again later, after all, he was the first guy outside of our little group I made friends with." "Yeah, he likes it when you visit, must be your boyish charm." "Dattebayo!"

"How did I get myself into this troublesome situation?" Shikamaru moaned, as Tayuya and Ino held up another set of clothes, "Shut up, Lazy-#!, you need some new clothes . . . Of course, I wouldn't mind you going around Bare-#! Naked, but . . ." The girls laughed as Shikamaru rolled his eyes, shopping for clothes was tiring and boring, especially with girls, they spend forever in stores! "Now put these on!" Ino shoved the outfit into his arms and pushed him toward the dressing room. _At least they're not making me change out here!_ He tried on the outfit, a shirt and pants, without really even looking at them. He closed his eyes and stepped outside, "Well?" The girls started giggling, "What?" "Your #! Fly is down!" Shikamaru eeped and jumped back into the dressing room, "I hate shopping for clothes!"

Tsunade was truly sorry to hear that Kankurou was leaving, she'd grown to like the unconventional ambassador from Sunagakure, he was nothing like the typical, stern faced, humorless politicians that usually served as ambassadors. "Well, it's unfortunate that you have to leave Konoha, Kankurou. You've made a lot of friends here in these last few months, and I'd like to think that I'm one of them." "Thank you, Tsunade-Sama. I'm honored to considered your friend, jan. You've been very kind to me, except for when you were threatening to kill me." He scratched the back of his head as Tsunade laughed, "Well, you did almost ruin my negotiations with Deidara, but, seeing as how he kidnapped your brother and was greatly responsible for his brief, if tragic, death, I can't really blame you." "Thanks." he grinned sheepishly, "I really do like it here, but I want to be there for my family." "I understand, I had a brother . . . Once, and I'd give anything to spend just a few minutes with him again." Kankurou nodded sadly, she'd told him before about Nawaki and his tragic death as a child. "Well, what are you waiting for, a golden ticket?! Get out of here and go home!" She smiled, "And make sure to write."

To be continued...


	142. Chapter 143

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 143

The master hurried into the lab, "I have it!" The scientist looked up from his book, "A _V.D._?" "No you fool! I know who to bring back to bring Konoha to it's knees!" He smiled, "And, as he's not 'evil' as you put it, we should have success!" The scientist was intrigued, "Who is it?" The master smiled triumphantly, " The person I want brought back is . . ."

Most of Konohagakure had gathered around to bid goodbye to Hana and Kankurou as they prepared to set off for Sunagakure. Kiba was still angry, but, for the most part, the mood was cheerful. Kankurou had thoughtfully arraigned transportation, though a most unusual method. "Hey, you're gonna' have to give me directions, I've never been to Suna ya' know." Zaku shifted impatiently on his summon's back, "Keep your pants on, ya' #! Windag!" she smirked, "I mean it, nobody wants to see your tiny excuse for a #!" Zaku blushed, then stuck out his tongue at the foul-mouthed kunoichi, "It's too big for you to handle, little girl!" Tayuya laughed, "Yeah, right, like your little baby #! Could impress me!" Kidoumaru jumped up and sat beside Zaku, "Thanks for coming, and ignore Tayuya, she's just having her time of the month." "What the #! did you #! say you #! Son of a #! Trash-faced #! Six-armed #! Freak?" Kidoumaru smiled, "See, totally PMS'ing." Zaku nodded, "I feel sorry for poor Shikamaru . . ."

"So, Sai," Eiji smiled, "How've you been?" "I've been in my usual state of health, though my brother and friends have threatened my safety with well-meaning but dangerous attempts to help me gain emotions." "Good friends are hard to come by in this world, especially ones that are willing to go out on a limb for you." "They are ninja, why should they be afraid of standing on a limb?" Eiji laughed gently, "It's a figure of speech, it means risking oneself for someone else." Sai smiled, "Oh, I understand now. Yes, they have risked themselves many times in this quest, they even stole Tsunade-Sama's sake in order to get me drunk and release my emotions, it was a fascinating experience, though the 'hangover' was most unpleasant." "I bet."

"Kiba, I'm sorry, I know you're mad at me, but . . ." Kiba ignored his brother-in-law, rudely turning away. "Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you!" Kankurou grabbed him by the collar, "You can sit there and act like a baby, pouting and whining because your sister's coming with me instead of staying home to wipe your furry tail, but this is what _we_ decided, Hana and I, it's not your choice, jan. I'm taking her to Suna, not the moon! You want to come see us, get off your lazy butt and _visit_!" Kiba pulled back in shock, and the crowd grew quiet, shocked. "I . . . I just . . . I know you'll take care of her. I'll just miss her." Kankurou put an arm around him, "I know, and I'm sorry, but my family really needs me. I don't want to take Hana away from you, but my sister is really sick right now and needs to have her family there to support her, jan." Kiba nodded, "I know." "Come visit us anytime you want, you're always welcome at our house, jan." He looked around, then bent over and whispered into the Dog-Nin's ear, "Hana really likes it when I wear your gift . . ."

"Well, we might as well get it over with," Eiji pulled himself back onto the summon and webbed himself to the beast, "Anybody needs some safety web, I'm here . . ." Kankurou helped Hana up onto the dragonfly's back, "Zaku, this is safe, right?" Zaku smirked devilishly, "Sometimes, depends on how strong the wind is." Kankurou's eyes widened, "But Sunagakure is in _The Land of Wind!_" "Then you better hold on tight!" The summon lifted from the ground in a flurry of wing beats, then shot off toward Sunagakure.

A few hours later,

The summon landed outside of Sunagakure, it's wings stirring up a sandstorm around it, flinging sand onto it's riders. Kankurou carefully stepped down from the summon and lifted Hana safely to the warm sand. "Thank you, Zaku." Gaara, Temari, Baki, and most of the village approached, "It's good to see you again, Kankurou." Gaara said, as Temari embraced her brother. "It's been very boring without you, you loud-mouth!" Gaara walked over to the summon, "You're welcome to our hospitality, Zaku, Eiji. We are feasting tonight, if you wish to attend." Zaku grinned, "I'm always up for a party, Kazekage-Sama!" Eiji shook his head, "But we can't stay too lone, I'm afraid, our parents will be expecting us." "Then we shall prepare the feast earlier than planned." "That is most kind of you, Kazekage-Sama."

Several days later,

"How long?" "At least another week." The master looked over the developing body inside the tank, "How did you get the DNA? I_ know_ Orochimaru didn't have anything on this one." "A little grave robbing, only needed a few cells, our men put everything back, so it shouldn't be detected . . . From what I understand it was a pretty horrible sight, and it wasn't due to any decomposition. Poor kid didn't die gently, that's for sure." he shuddered, then recovered his composure, "I can't believe I didn't think of this. Yes, I do believe this will work." "Of course it will work, can you think of a better hostage?"

To be continued...


	143. Chapter 144

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 144

The scientist set the boy gently on the couch and covered his small form with a blanket, "What if she refuses, would you actually . . ." The master looked coldly at him, "Yes. Do you have any qualms about that?" The scientist shuddered, "He's only a child." "Are your morals enough that you would die with him? Besides, it won't come to that, I'm certain that Tsunade will cave." The boy's eye's fluttered open, then widened in terror, "it's alright, you're . . ." The scientist didn't know what to say, _'You've been dead for forty years or so and now we're holding you hostage'?_ He held the struggling boy firmly against himself, "I'm not going to hurt you." That, at least, was true, though he was not so sure about his master. "We'll have you home soon." "What . . . Where am I?" Had he been captured? No, he . . . He remembered pain, being terribly injured . . . "It's all right, you're fine, you're not hurt in any way." "Tsunade? Is Tsunade here?!" "Not yet, we'll take you to her soon."

Kisame yawned and stretched in the warm morning light that streamed in through his window, "Another day, another dollar. God, I sound like Kakuzu! I wonder what he's up to?" He took a soothing shower, then walked over to Itachi's room, "Yo, 'Tachi! You awake?" 'If I wasn't, you would have woken me anyway." Itachi sat on the edge of his bed, staring absently into the darkness._ Not again! _"Are you alright?" Itachi shrugged, "I guess." "Well, we have another appointment, same guy as last time. He said he wants us to do some guard duty. Shouldn't involve_ too_ much killing." "Alright. I'll bite, let me get a shower and get dressed."

Tatami Iwashi knocked softly on the Hokage's door, "Come in !" Iwashi stepped into the room holding a medium sized, box-shaped package. "This just arrived for you by messenger bird, I think it's a video tape." "Yeah, yeah, who's it from?" He shook his head, "It doesn't say, though it does say it's urgent." "Fine, just pop it in the machine." She said dissmisively. He placed the tape in the machine and watched as it opened to show what appeared to be a laboratory. "Tsunade-Sama," A voice began, "We have something that you may find of interest." "Tsunade?" Her head shot up at the new voice, "Oh my God . . . It can't be . . . Nawaki . . ." Yet it was, the small, pale face that stared sadly into the camera was indeed, her brother, dead nearly forty years . . . "These people, they say that I was dead, they want you you to surrender Konoha for me. Don't do it!" A hand grabbed the boy and covered his mouth, "You've already died once for your village, do you want to die again?" The older voice turned it's attention to the camera, "As you can see, we have your dear, sweet little brother. We brought him back to life, just for you, all you have to do in return is open Konoha to our forces and surrender your post to me, a small price to pay . . ." The voice yelped as Nawaki bit down on his hand, several shadowed figures drug Nawaki into the shadows, "As I said, he's alive now, but I am quite willing to send him back should you refuse. I expect you to send your reply to the guard tower at the red reef in Namigakure, it's on most maps. I expect a response within a week. We will send further instructions once we receive your reply. Do not send any ninja to try to rescue him, or we shall be forced to take _unpleasant_ action." The camera zoomed in on Nawaki, now gagged and bound on a couch, then the tape ended. Iwashi, horrified, looked toward the Godaime Hokage, she was pale as a ghost and trembling. He had been born almost twenty years after Nawaki's death, but he knew that Tsunade missed him terribly. "Tsunade-Sama . . ." "Leave me. Tell . . . Shizune, I don't want to be disturbed.' He could see tears forming in her eyes. "Yes, ma'am, if you need . . ." "I need to be alone." "Yes, ma'am." Iwashi walked slowly, almost guiltily from the room, _My God, what can we do now?_

"So, you came. Excellent, we have a most important prize that needs to be guarded." Kisame looked at him curiously, "A 'prize', not a person?" The man smiled, "The prize _is_ a person. Follow me." Itachi and Kisame exchanged confused glances, then followed the man down into an area of the home they'd never been too, a set of stairs leading down into a dark room, "He's not really dangerous, but," He held up a bandaged hand, "He bites." "He . . . Bites?" Itachi shook his head, _This doesn't sound good._ "I want you to keep any Konoha ninja from taking him," They walked into a locked room, and the two Missing-Nin saw an unhappy looking boy of perhaps twelve sitting sullenly on a couch."If any Konoha Ninja do appear, unless I give orders otherwise, I want you to kill him. Is that a problem?" He laughed, "No, of course not, look who I'm talking to!" He looked at the surprised ninja, "Well, do you accept?" "Yes." Itachi said, without hesitation. "Good, good! Now, I have several men and a scientist who may come in from time to time, they have identification. Do not let anyone without identification into this room, understand?" 'Yes." "Then I shall leave you now. Watch that brat, he will fight . . ." Kisame watched the man leave, then turned to itachi, "Itachi, this is a bad idea, you're already having problems with guilt, if we have to . . ." 'I'll be fine. He'll probably be sent back where he came from soon, his family will doubtless give them what they want. I doubt we'll have to harm him." he walked over to the boy, "Do you know who we are?" "No, but you look like an Uchiha." "I am an Uchiha, Uchiha Itachi, and he is Hoshigake Kisame. We are Missing-Nin. We won't hurt you, unless you try to harm us." "No, you'll just_ kill_ me if that dog tells you to." Kisame stepped over, "What's your name? Why are they holding you?" "My name is Nawaki, and they want my sister to give them Konoha . . ." "Your sister . . ." Itachi frowned, _How could his sister give him Konoha unless . . ._ "Is her name Tsunade?" "Yes." Nawaki replied, "They said she's Hokage now. Of course, they also said I've been _dead_ for forty years, I think they're all nuts." "Forty years!" Kisame turned to itachi, "No wonder he doesn't know who you are!" Itachi sat across from Nawaki and sighed, "I have to . . . _Explain_ what's happened to you. Tsunade _is_ the Hokage, The _Godaime _Hokage." "That's impossible! The Yondaime . . " "Is dead, he died seventeen years ago protecting Konohagakure from the Kyuubi. The Sandaime resumed his post, but was murdered by Orochimaru, who is also, thankfully, dead. Tsunade-Sama has been Hokage for five years now." "Then . . . I was really . . ." "Yes." Itachi said softly, "You died long before either Kisame or I were even born. We died too, several months ago, but we were brought back as well . . ." Nawaki started sobbing, and Itachi instinctively pulled him close." "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out alright."

To be continued...


	144. Chapter 145

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 145

Kimimaro sat in the Hokage's office, watching the video sent by Nawaki's captors, "Yes, it does look familiar, Hokage-Sama. I have remembered a number of things since coming here." "Please, tell me _anything_ you know." Tsunade's voice cracked a bit, and Kimimaro did not blame her in the least, it was amazing that she was holding up as well as she was. "This may sound strange, but I saw two people when I was taken from the tank, or whatever it was, and I recognized one of them. I believe that the man I saw, the man who was in charge and the man who's voice is on this tape, is the Daimayo of Namigakure, Satoshi."

"Still no word yet, sir. Our spies in Konoha report that the Hokage is near a nervous break, but the meetings she's had with the council since receiving your letter have been highly secret, and we have been unable to gauge the situation" The Daimayo looked at the messenger, "She'll reply, she won't just let us kill him." "And if she refuses?" "Simple, I send her another warning, one of the boy's fingers, perhaps, or a video of him being tortured. That should convince her of our seriousness." he turned, "When the message arrives, come to me at once." "Yes, my lord."

"How much lower can someone sink, bringing back a kid from the dead, just to hold him hostage?" Dosu shook his head, "It's just sick, are everyone's dead relatives going to be fair game for psychos now?" Kidoumaru sat nearby, fingering a kunai, "Whoever he is, I hope someone takes him out of the game real soon, a guy like that is a real trash character, if someone doesn't take him out while he's still on the first level, he's gonna' take out as many people as he can." "If he comes here, he's gonna' get a real #! Nice reception," Tayuya smiled, "They'll tear that #! apart before he even sets one #! Foot in the village." "Not while he holds all the cards, but if he thinks he can just waltz in here and people will bow down at his feet, he's got another thing coming." "She won't agree, will she?" "Not a chance, Jirobou." Sakon scowled, "That's not good for the kid . . . They better hope they find him soon." Tayuya threw her hands in the air out of frustration, "Do you #! Ever think that some #! Pathetic excuse for a writer is just throwing these #! Creeps at us as a lousy excuse for a #! Plot?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "Well, if that's true, whoever he is, I hope he's in a good mood." "How do you know it's not a _she_, you chauvinist!?" Tayuya asked indignantly. Kidoumaru laughed, "Because if it was a_ female_ writer, all us guys would be _gay_ and having sex with each other all the time." "Good #! Point." Tayuya agreed.

Sai stood silently before the Hokage, taking in the details of this new mission, infiltrate the palace of the Daimayo, rescue Nawaki, and return him to Konoha. Being so much as seen would mean certain death for the boy, there was no room for error. "I chose you because you are the best, Sai. You won't be distracted by any kind of fear or anxiety . . ." She paused, a weary look on her face, "I'm putting all of my faith in you, Sai. My brother's life is in your hands." Sai bowed slightly, "What if there is no way to infiltrate the palace without being seen?" "Then kill anyone who gets in your way. You can't let anyone warn the Daimayo." Tsunade was pale and troubled, for the first time, Sai could actually see her true age in her face, "I will do everything in my power to rescue Nawaki." She nodded, Tsunade was well aware that there was never a guarantee of success, especially in such a dire situation as this. "You may go, I want you to leave within the hour." "Yes, Tsunade-Sama." He turned to leave, then paused, "I am grateful that you would trust me with such an important mission. If I do not return with Nawaki, then I shall not return at all."

Kisame and Itachi sat at a table in the cell, looking over at the sleeping Nawaki. "At least they brought him something to eat." Kisame noted, then looked Itachi in the eye, "You know she won't agree, she _can't_ agree without somehow getting rid of the council. Even if she could, she would _never_ betray her village, not even for _him_." Itachi nodded, "I know." Kisame sighed, "So, what do we do? You're in no shape to kill the kid . . ." "We won't." he stated flatly. "What about the Daimayo?" Itachi smiled grimly, "Have you ever thought of ruling a country, Hoshigake?" Kisame grinned, revealing shark's teeth, "I like the way you think, 'Tachi."

To be continued...


	145. Chapter 146

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 146

"You're leaving now?" Suigetsu was not surprised, but he was not happy either. "I'm coming with you." "Impossible, I have to travel alone, I cannot risk being seen, and another person would double the chances of being detected. They have already stated that they will kill the boy if they detect any Konoha ninja in the area. I cannot afford to take that chance." "At least tell me where you're going." "So you can follow me? I think not. I'll tell you all about it when I return." "If anything happens to you, I'm going to find out who it was and I'm going to skin them alive." 'I have no doubt that you will." Sai moved to go, "Tell The Twins I'm sorry that I could not say goodbye to them."

Kisame walked into the room, holding three boxes of food, "Hey, kid, dinner." He set the food on the table, and grabbed a box for himself. "There's some for you too, 'Tachi." The three sat around the table, eating silently. "So," Kisame said, breaking the silence, "Food's good, right?" "I guess," Nawaki said, "But I'd rather be home." "I don't blame you." Kisame looked over at Itachi, "Alright?" "Yes, I'm just tired." "Are you going to kill me?" Nawaki asked bluntly. "No." Itachi replied, "I know you have no reason to believe us, but we are telling the truth." "The guy that delivered the food earlier said that you murdered the rest of the Uchiha clan, is that true?" Kisame looked worriedly at Itachi, but he was expressionless as usual. "Most of them, yes." He replied simply, "The Sandaime ordered me to do so, and I was a loyal ninja, I did as I was ordered. But I . . . I should have just killed him instead." Nawaki's eyes widened in fear. "Don't worry, I have no intention of harming you." "And you expect me to trust you?" Itachi smiled, "I promise I won't hurt you, Sasuke." Kisame gasped, "You just called him 'Sasuke'." Itachi shook his head, "I need some air, I'll return shortly." He stood quickly and left the room without looking back. "Who's Sasuke?" "Itachi's little brother, one of the few Uchiha he didn't kill . . ."Kisame said absently,_ He's losing it, isn't he? If we don't get this kid out of here, fast, Itachi's gonna' break._

The message from the Hokage was about what the Daimayo had expected,

_I will give you whatever you wish for my brother's safe return; money, immunity from prosecution, I will even give you myself, to do with as you like. But I cannot give you my village, it is not mine to give. There must be some arraignment we can come to, but please, what you ask is impossible. If you return Nawaki unharmed, I will seek no revenge, but if you harm even a hair on his head, I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and beyond._

_Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure._

The Daimayo shook his head, "I see she doesn't understand just who she's dealing with. I shall have to remind her."

Sakura picked up Bearington J. Beary, Esq. and looked him over, "He's cute. Where did you get him?" Kidoumaru lay back in his bed and smiled, "I bought him not long after I came to Oto. I didn't have any friends, so I just bought one." "I'm surprised that creep let you keep a stuffed bear." Kidoumaru shrugged, "He didn't, he didn't want his boys to act like kids, except in the bedroom . . ." he paused, 'I'm sorry, that wasn't a very good thing to say, but it's true, he made no secret of it. Anyway, I had to keep Bearington hidden for a long time, after I made elite, he didn't care what I did." Sakura closed her eyes, "I don't think I could have survived living around that monster." Kidoumaru sighed loudly, "A lot of people didn't. But he's in hell, so let's forget him," He pulled her over and on top of him, "Come on, Babe, let's cuddle." Sakura giggled, "Are you sure Bearington won't get jealous?" "He can get his own girlfriend." "Don't get any funny ideas just because we're in your bed." Kidoumaru looked at her innocently, "I wouldn't dream of it. I'm not Tayuya." Sakura laughed, "That's for sure . . . She's a lot _manlier_." Kidoumaru pouted, "I'm_ all_ man, Babe." "You're starting to sound like Zaku, cheezy and perverted." "Hey, I'm_ not_ cheezy!" Sakura undid the knot in his hair, allowing it to fall loose. "The Windbag's not so bad, he's just immature and he tries too hard to impress Kin. And she does love him." Kidoumaru stroked her hair, "Zaku's a bit like Tayuya, but with a cleaner mouth and less rapist tendencies." Sakura whistled, "Tayuya, now _she_ tries too hard, she seems to be toning it down lately, though." Kidoumaru sighed, "I was wondering. . . How is Tsunade-Sama doing? I mean, with all of this happening . . ." Sakura shook her head sadly and stood up, "She's in bad shape, it's hitting her really hard. These idiots want her to do something that's impossible, she can't just surrender Konoha like it was a poker chip, that's not how the game works." "If they hurt that kid, nothing in this world will stop Tsunade-Sama from punching their tickets to hell. The only thing worse than a trash character is a trash character with a lot of power and no brains. A guy like that will do anything, because he's too _stupid_ to know he can't get away with it."

In the dark, silent house, two brave ninja embarked on an impossible quest, to steal Kakashi's _Icha Icha_ right out from under his perverted nose. They crept quietly into their target's room, their eyes adjusted to the darkness, and saw their prey asleep with the book on his chest. The smaller ninja crept forward and reached carefully for the prize, lifting it gently from the sleeping Jonin's chest. Sasuke gave Obito a thumbs up, and the two slipped triumphant from the room. Obito fell over laughing as they entered his room with the stolen book, "We did it!" He whispered, "You did it!" Sasuke covered his mouth to mute his laughter, Yes, uncle Obito was a very fun friend to have indeed. "So, what's in the book, what's he always reading?" Sasuke shook his head, "You don't want to know."

Kakashi awoke and stretched lazily before noticing something was wrong, terribly wrong. His_ Icha Icha_ book was gone. "Oh my God! We've been robbed!"

To be continued...


	146. Chapter 147

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 147

Itachi, Kisame and Nawaki were playing cards at the small table in the latter's cell. "Man, why did I agree to this?" Kisame whined, "This kid's gonna' break me!" "It's not my fault you're a lousy poker player, Fish-Boy. You're almost as bad at this as Tsunade!" Itachi laughed, "The Legendary Sucker? Yeah, I guess you would have played a few hands with her." "Yeah, she still owes me ten bucks!" The fun was cut short, however, by a knock at the door. Kisame walked over, and opened to the Daimayo and a man holding a video camera. The Daimayo began speaking even before he entered the room, "Bad news, kid. Your sister doesn't seem to believe me, so I'm going to have to send her a stronger message." He looked at Itachi, "Cut off one of his fingers, it doesn't matter which one. Just wait 'till the camera's set up." Nawaki bolted for the door, but it was locked, and the Daimayo laughed, "You're not getting out of here that easy, kid. Now make sure and give us a few screams, after all, it's _your_ life on the line." Kisame grinned, "Do you want me to do it?" Itachi shook his head, "No, I'll do it. I think I'll _enjoy_ this . . ." Itachi pulled out a long dagger, and walked over towards the door, then turned toward his employer, "You know, I never liked you. You're a coward and a fool." He plunged the dagger into the man's stomach. The other man dropped his camera in shock, shattering it, as the Daimayo fell to the floor. Itachi stood over the mortally wounded villain,"A gut wound is a slow death, I know from experience." Kisame turned to the other man, "Do you want any of this?" "No!" "Good." "Lock them both in here, Kisame, come back in the morning, he should have bled out by then. If not, take his head off. By then you can let that other fool out. I'll take Nawaki to Konoha." Kisame was horrified, "Itachi, you're still wanted, they'll kill you!" "It doesn't matter, those weaklings won't be able to touch me. And I want you to start taking control here, _Daimayo_." Kisame grinned, and picked up Nawaki, "Alright, let's get started!" The old Daimayo screamed in pain, "You can't leave me here! You can't leave me to die like this!" Itachi turned and smiled, "Look who you're talking to, fool. Your life means nothing to us." "Why?" He screamed. Itachi shrugged, "Because I kinda like this kid." The trio left, locking the door behind them.

Sakura shook her head, "You can't seriously believe that_ Harry Potter_ is racist!" Kidoumaru nodded, "Think about it, a bunch of white kids who call each other 'Mud-Blood' as an insult? It's racist I tell you!" Sakura grinned, "And H.P. Lovecraft wasn't? Remember what he named his cat?" "_Of course_ Lovecraft was a racist, he was a _huge_ racist, it was a real _psychosis_ with that freak, but he never _hid_ the fact he was a bigoted nutcase." He stretched, "Besides, I prefer the other Mythos writers. Sure, Lovecraft had a couple of good stories, but mostly it was his _ideas_ that were cool, not his stories themselves. Later writers _defined_ the Mythos." He grinned, "Speaking of Lovecraft, remember _Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of The Woods With a Thousand Young?_ Well here comes her sister, _Tayuya, The Red Goat of The Woods With a Thousand Curses._" Tayuya walked over to the pair, "What did you say, you #! Freak?" "I said you curse a lot." She snickered, "#! Prude. I just wanted to let you know, I still #! owe you for that PMS crack." "Okay, I'll make you a deal, I'll let you beat_ me_ up for that, if you let Zaku beat _you_ up for insulting the size of his joystick." Tayuya laughed, "Like that'll ever happen, Game-Boy. Okay, I'll forget it, this time, but watch your #! Mouth." "This from The Cursing Champion of Otogakure." Tayuya smirked, "And don't you forget it!" Tayuya started to walk off, then turned back, "Hey, Pinky. Tell the Big-Boobed-#! . . . I hope her brother's alright." Sakura was stunned, "I'll . . . I'll let her know. Thank you."

Zaku and Kin walked hand-in-hand down the streets of Kusa, enjoying the sunshine. Winter would be coming soon, and the village would become a bit too cold for aimless wandering, "So, Kin, do you want to go cause some trouble?" "What kind of trouble? We're reformed, remember?" "I don't know . . . Maybe we could just go see a movie." Kin smiled, "Okay, as long as it's not a chick-flick." Zaku put an arm around her, "You know, Kin, you really are my kind of girl." "I hear that the new _Godzilla_ movie is playing, I've been wanting to see that." "Sounds good." "You aren't going to pretend to be a vampire again and nibble on my neck, are you?" She laughed, "'Cause I really liked that . . ." Zaku grinned, "You can be my vampire queen . . ." "Okay, but I'm going to bite you back." "Icha Icha No Jutsu! Rain of Hickeys!" Zaku started on her neck, "Not out here! In the theater!"

Sai slipped silently through the dark forest, heading toward Namigakure. He carried a pack containing a civilian disguise, and on his person he carried a variety of hidden tools and weapons. Sai was well aware that every moment the journey took lessened the likelihood that Nawaki would be recovered alive and unharmed. He wished that he had a swift summon, like Zaku's dragonfly, though not as noisy or conspicuous. He had considered commandeering Kidoumaru's summon, but Kyodaigumo lacked the stamina needed for such a lengthy trip, was notoriously temperamental and loyal only to Kidoumaru, who could not accompany him, as it was a solo mission. He also considered Manda, but the great snake was loyal only to Orochimaru, and only obeyed Sasuke under duress. The time required to send a message to Zaku and await his reply would have taken far too long, so Sai had left under his own power. He was fast, as fast, if not faster, than Sakon, who was renowned for his speed, but it was still an agonizingly slow journey. He was about a day's journey from his goal, but his mission was cut short in an unexpected fashion. He ground to a stop, had he been an emotional person, he would have been stunned by the sight of Uchiha Itachi carrying Nawaki on his back, headed toward Konoha. "Put the boy down, Itachi." Itachi paused, and looked at him, "Haven't we met? You're that Konoha ninja who was with Uzumaki, aren't you?" Itachi had been virtually blind at the time, but he recognized the voice. "I am Sai, and I have been sent to retrieve the Hokage's brother. I would advise you to hand him over unharmed." Itachi smiled, "The Daimayo is dead. I killed him, I was bringing Nawaki home, but you appear to have saved me the trip, Sai." He let the boy down off of his back, "This man is working for your sister, he'll take you to her." Nawaki looked at Sai suspiciously, "Are you sure?" "Certain."

Sai gave his smile, in an attempt to appear more friendly, "I promise, you will be safe with me. I swore to Tsunade-Sama that I would bring you home safely. Did Itachi truly rescue you?" "Yes, he and Kisame saved me from that creep. They were ordered to guard me, and maybe even kill me, but they killed him instead." "Then I owe you an apology for my hasty judgment, Itachi. The Hokage will be most grateful." Itachi nodded, "It was my pleasure." With that he vanished into the shadows. "Well, that was a most unexpected development. Here, I will carry you on my back." He looked at the boy, "You probably find me strange, but I was raised to have no emotions. I am not intentionally trying to be . . . Unfriendly." He crouched down, "Now climb upon my back and hold on tightly, we shall be moving very quickly."

To be continued...


	147. Chapter 148

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 148

"So, the one guy actually lives inside his brother's body?" Nawaki was skeptical of Sai's story, "Yes, though Ukon can leave Sakon's body at will. When he does, however, he is weaker and more vulnerable. He can also parasitically join to his opponent's body. I know, he bonded with me." The pair were sitting around a small fire in the forest, there was still quite a ways to go before reaching Konoha, and while Sai was quite capable of pushing his body to such extremes, he was unwilling to risk his charge in such a way. "You will meet them, once we reach Konoha. You will also meet Kidoumaru, you will find him unusual as well, as he has a Kekkai-Genkai that gives him six arms and the ability to spit Chakra webbing. He is another former ninja from Otogakure and member of the Oto-Five, their field-leader, in fact. He is also a tactical genius and an instructor at the Academy." "Six arms? I bet he's good at sports." "He is, he's actually very competitive and obsessed with games." Nawaki yawned, "Sounds like fun. I guess I need to get some sleep." "That is the purpose of our stop. Do not worry about any intrusions, I will be standing guard." "But don't you need sleep?" Sai smiled, "Thank you for your concern, but I am trained to cope with lack of sleep. It will not affect my performance, and I will rest once we reach Konoha."

The newly appointed council of Sunagakure sat in meeting to discuss a new development. Gaara, Kankurou, Baki and a few others comprised the ruling body of the desert village. "So the Daimayo of Namigakure hired Kisame and Itachi to kill our council. At least, that is what our spy reports, further, the two Missing-Nin have now assassinated the Daimayo and seized control of the entire region. That leaves us with two nations and one entire region ruled by former members of Akatsuki. This does not bode well." Gaara's voice was emotionless, as usual, but full of gravity. "We apparently don't have to worry about Amegakure, Konan-Sama is going out of her way to ensure peace in her land, but Deidara is insane and the other two . . ." Kankurou could not bring himself to call Deidara 'Sama" any more than he could continue to admire his predecessor, the former Puppet Master of Sunagakure, Sasori. "What do you think we should do about this, Kazekage-Sama, Baki-San?" In public and at home, Gaara was just Gaara, Kankurou's little brother, but in official meetings, he was the Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure, and Kankurou recognized that fact. Baki weighed in, "We wait and watch. They may simply keep to themselves, if not, we may have to depose them ourselves."

Eiichiro had no idea what force kept drawing him back to these confrontations with Orochimaru, perhaps it was Eiji's hatred of the Serpent, somehow felt by him, or maybe it was Zaku, seeing as how he was now family, it made matters personal. Or perhaps he was simply masochistic. "What's the matter, Orochimaru? Spider got your tongue?" He held up the Sannin's tongue, which he'd ripped from his mouth some days before. "Come to gaze into the mirror again, Spider?" Orochimaru replied tauntingly, "To see what you look like from other people's eyes? Here you are, in all _my_ glory." Eiichiro tilted his head, "Hmmmm, I see I need to work on my tan." He laughed, "I'm sure the demons will have you burnt black soon enough." The Sannin leaned forward as far as his chains would allow, the demons were busy elsewhere, so he had a bit of respite from his tortures, and intended to use it tormenting his tormenter. "I am a cold-blooded killer, but you, your blood is hot, you _love_ it, the pain, the blood, the death. Violence was merely a means to an end for me, for you, it is_ entertainment_." He smiled coldly, "You are as evil as any of us here in hell, the difference between us is that I do not delude myself into thinking that I am righteous." "But deceiving and deluding is what you do best, you use and you destroy, you have no truth in you, only evil." Orochimaru snarled, "I grow weary of you, priest. Spare me your whining about how _horrible_ I was to _poor little_ Zaku and Kin. They don't deserve pity any more than I do. If I'd asked either of them, they'd have murdered _babies_ in their cradles, I did the world a favor by killing them . . ." "_You _made them that way, you made them all that way. You are the_ Corrupter of Souls_, Snake. All of the evils your followers committed are at _your_ feet." "And at whose feet are_ your _crimes to be laid? Your precious Jashin-Sama?" The Serpent's hissing voice had a mocking tone, "How is it _he_ is not evil, when his very existence is based upon the slaughter of the innocent? Did everyone you sacrificed in his name 'deserve' to die? Or was it a matter of convenience, whatever poor fool was closest when you felt Jashin move you?" Eiichiro's eyes narrowed, "Jashin-Sama is a god, he is not bound by human morality." "Gods do not _die_, at most he is a demi-god, in all likelihood he is merely a very powerful demon masquerading as a god to deceive fools like you into sating his bloodlust." "Blasphemerཀ" Eiichiro struck the Sannin in the jaw, only to be bitten by his venomous fangs. "A pity," Orochimaru said, spitting out blood, "A pity that my venom cannot kill you here, no matter, for it will cause you terrible pain." Eiichiro smiled, "You really don't know anything about me, do you? I feel no pain, I have no functioning pain receptors in my entire body." He turned to go, "I see the Daimayo of Namikagure has joined us, I shall have to go greet him. May the torments of hell increase upon your vile, damned soul." "They are already increasing upon yours, priest." Orochimaru laughed mockingly as Eiichiro left the chamber. His eyes widened as a horde of stinging, flesh-eating insects swarmed into the room and toward him. The next round of torture had begun.

Dosu looked at his shining new headband with a slight sense of awe. Passing the test to be come an officially Konoha Genin had been easy for a ninja of his experience and skill, and now he awaited word on who would become his new Sensei. "Dosu!" Dosu turned and squinted into the bright light, _Of course it would be him . . ._ Maito Gai beamed, literally and figuratively, "I was hoping to have the pleasure of teaching you, Lee has told me many things about you! I still remember your Youthful battle with Chouji five years ago, your method of attack is most impressive!" Dosu bowed politely, "Thank you, Gai-Sensei. I'll do my best to reward your faith in me."

"Kidoumaru, mail." Yoshino handed him a letter, "It's from Akira." "Thanks, mom." Kidoumaru opened it and began to read,

_Dear Kidoumaru,_

_I was looking over our family genealogy and found something interesting, your birthday is not on July 27__th__, it's on December 14__th__. _

"What the hell?!"

_You must have forgotten during your time with Orochimaru, and we didn't think to check. This is very embarrassing for us, and I apologize for not looking into it until now. I have enclosed a copy of your record with this letter. I guess you get two parties this year._

_Your friend and relative,_

_Naraku Akira_

Kidoumaru blushed, _Embarrassing is right__! __How the hell am I going to explain this one?__! _He picked up the small paper that accompanied the letter, "Mom, could you come take a look at this?"

"Back already?" Kisame smiled as his friend entered the Daimayo's home, his home now. "I ran into Sai on the way to Konoha, I let him take Nawaki home, it's much easier for everyone that way." Kisame thought for a moment, "Sai? Oh, the pasty-faced kid with the belly-shirtཀ I remember him." He stood, "I've taken complete control of the government here, the various Kages under us are unhappy, but, hell, that's life, right?" He turned toward a nearby doorway, "And guess who I found, 'Tachi?" A pair of burning, almost supernaturally green eyes set in a heavily stitched face looked at the Uchiha in amusement, "I never thought you guys would take over the entire Namikagure." Kakuzu shook his head, "And all over some kid." "Some things are more valuable than money, Kakuzu, like peace of mind." Kakuzu got a great laugh out of that, "Money is greater than that, you can do anything you wish and all the poor fools without it will still bow at your feet in awe. You can be an evil, sadistic lecher, but if you have money, you're still an idol in other people's eyes. You can hold it and count it and it can protect you when needed. Life is much better with money." Itachi cocked his head, "Money does not necessarily bring happiness. What is the point of having so much money, when you don't use it for anything?" "I already told you, money is its own reason, its own end, if you have money, whether you're a miser or a wasteful fool, everyone will envy you. Money is power." Itachi shrugged, "And you are here to . . .?" "When a country falls, many old enmities become outright blood feuds, there's plenty of good-pay for a smart bounty hunter and mercenary like myself." Itachi turned to Kisame, "So, I take the Daimayo is dead by now?" Kisame nodded, "He died during the night, he had his guy kill him to stop the pain." "No matter. Have their been any uprisings or opposing factions to emerge?" "There are a few fools I don't trust, so I hired Kakuzu to ensure that we have no problems in that regard, he's already taken out a few who were plotting against us." "It might be wise not to send for Suki until everything is firmly in place here." Kisame nodded, "Our involvement is no secret, she would be in more danger out there, with no protection." "A lover makes a wonderful hostage." Kakuzu noted, "Kisame is right." "I had not considered that." Itachi said, "What do you wish me to do here, Daimayo?" "You'll be my chief adviser, of course. And I've made arraignments for you to take control of the military."

Within the realm of the summons, a small group was passing time, "Kidssss thesssse daysss have no respect for their ssssummonsss." Manda hissed to his fellow summons, "That Uchiha brat treatssss me like his personal ssservant . And you, old sssspider, your boy treatssss you as a pack mule." Kyodaigumo stretched slightly, "Kidoumaru is alright, and he considers me an ally, maybe even a friend, rather than a pet. Still, he does sometimes call me just to serve as personal transport for him and his friends." Pakkun shook his head, "I do get tired of dealing with Kakashi's students at times, but he always respects me." "I ssssstill missssss Orochimaru, he wassss evil and would have sssssacrificed me in a minute for his persssssonal gain, but he did ressssspect me." "Orochimaru respected no one," A clear female voice rang out, "He killed my master, after he had sacrificed his arms rather than dishonor him by surrendering." The dragonfly rested a safe distance from Kyodaigumo, "And, how can you say he respected you if he would have killed you to achieve his goals?" Manda laughed, "I'm under no illussssionssss that Orochimaru cared for me, or would have mourned my death, but he sssssshowed me ressssspect and provided me with ssssacrificesssss." Katsuya turned slightly, "I sense Tsunade's brother is returning to Konoha as we speak." The giant slug shifted, "Perhaps this will bring her some peace." "Oh, Nawaki has returned from the dead now? Shinigami must be throwing a fit." Gamabunta laughed.

Tsunade was at the front gate in record time when the news came that Sai had returned with Nawaki, she rushed out of the village and down the road while they were still about a mile away. She screamed in joy and took her brother in her arms, nearly smothering him in her mountainous breasts. Most of the village quickly surrounded the trio, a mixture of joy and elation filling the air. "Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigake Kisame freed him from the Daimayo, Itachi was bringing him to Konoha when I met him on the way." Tsunade probably didn't hear Sai, but he was the only one talking, everyone else was too emotional to speak. "You came back! About time!" Suigetsu jumped onto Sai and hugged him. "Wait, did you say, Itachi saved him?" Sasuke stepped out of the crowd and over to Sai and Suigetsu. "Yes, it is most uncharacteristic of him, apparently he has been suffering from intense guilt for his past crimes, and was unwilling to harm the boy, when he was ordered to do so, he killed the Daimayo instead." Sasuke shook his head, _Could he have changed so much?_

To be continued...


	148. Chapter 149

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 149

"You wanted to see me, Tsunade-Sama?" Naruto stuck his head into the room. "Yes, I wanted Nawaki to meet you. Nawaki, this is Naruto, I told you about him." "Oh, yeah, the guy without a penis . . ." "_WHAT!_" "Sai told me all about you, Dickless . . ." Naruto turned red, " SAI! I'll kill him, dattebayo!" Nawaki looked closely at him, "Hey, you are wearing my necklace." Naruto felt the charm around his neck, "Yeah, your sister gave it to me, to carry on your memory. Do you want it back?" Nawaki shook his head, "No, jewelry looks more appropriate on you, Dickless." Tsunade started laughing loudly as Naruto huffed up, "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and one day I'll be Hokage, dattebayo!" "I'm just kidding. I kinda' like you, you're pretty cool, but not as cool as Itachi-San . . ."

"Itachi? Itachi actually did something kind?" Ino reached for a bottle of shampoo, "Then again, this world is getting _freaky_." "This world was _always_ #! Freaky," Tayuya replied, leaning back against a rock, "But I'm not gonna #! Complain about it, I could still be #! Dead!" The girls were at the onsen, gossiping. "Speaking of dead, who'd ever believe that I'd meet the man of my dreams _after_ he died!" Sakura gushed. "Spider-#! Is the man of your dreams? Okay, so maybe he's kind of . . . Not #! Butt-ugly, but he's not the #! Kind of guy I'd want." Tenten looked in confusion at a small disturbance in the water, "What's that?" Hinata shrieked, "It's . . ." The water quickly began to take shape and become solid, assuming a human form, "SUIGETSU!" The Water-Nin's grin stretched from ear to ear, "Hi girls!" The screams and curses that came in reply were heard throughout the entire village.

"So that's where Suigetsu went." Sai looked over towards the womens' section of the onsen, "That is one use for the ability to turn into water." "What a great power, the lucky dog!" Kiba grinned, "I'd love to be able to do that!" Neji shook his head in disgust, "You are such a pervert, Inuzuka." Kiba yipped, "Like you don't use that Byakugan of yours to spy on girls!" "I would never _misuse _my Byakugan like that!" Kiba snorted, "Oh yeah, I forgot, you're _gay_!" Neji's eyes narrowed, "That's it, Dog-Face!" Neji jumped on Kiba, and the two began to fight. "You know," Sai noted casually, "It doesn't get much more 'gay' than two guys fighting_ naked_ . . ." They both turned, "Okay, Girly-man, let's take _him_ out, then I can beat your girly #!" "A fine idea, Mutt . . ." Sai smiled, not understanding, "What?"

"You _weren't_ born in July? That's quite a mistake." Sakura giggled. "Don't remind me, Babe, it's humiliating! I don't want to tell anyone till next year, so they don't feel required to throw another party . . . Can you keep the secret?" "Of course." "Hey, Sakura, Kidoumaru I want you to meet someone!" The pair turned to see Naruto and Nawaki, "So, you're Nawaki, nice to meet ya'." Kidoumaru held out his hand, which Nawaki shook, "Nice to meet you, Sai told me about you, wow, six arms, that's pretty cool." Kidoumaru grinned widely, "Thanks." "So, what do you think of the new Konoha?" Sakura smiled at the boy. "It's . . . Strange, It's like I was away for a few days and the whole world changed, only it wasn't a few days, it was forty something years." "I know what it's like, well, in a way. I was dead for five years, and the world changed a lot during that time. It's confusing, and a little frightening, isn't it? Don't worry, you'll adjust." "I hope so. Nice to meet you guys. I gotta' go, Dickless is showing me around . . ." Naruto howled in fury, "I do have a dick!" Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head, "Have you seen Suigetsu around?" Naruto shook his head, "Nope. Why?" Kidoumaru cracked his knuckles on all six hands, "Because I'm going to kill him." Naruto was surprised, "Why, I thought you guys were friends!" Kidoumaru looked at Sakura, who was blushing, "Hinata will tell you."

Zaku walked into the house, "Hey, did you guys know that Mizuki's birthday is next week? It's October 21st." Eiji looked up from his textbooks, "Really? I had no idea, I never asked." "Well, Tomoe said, "We'll have to do something special for him." "What does Mizuki like, Eiji?" "The color blue and . . . He never really did say, he lives pretty simply. It might be better to do something for him, like taking a trip somewhere nice, rather than getting him something. Still, we'll sound him out a bit, try to get some ideas." Eiji couldn't help but feel a little guilty, he considered Mizuki a close friend, a big brother, even, but he hardly knew anything about his likes and dislikes.

Deidara was on the horns of a dilemma, as ruler of Iwagakure, his responsibility was to do what was best for village, but as a man, he had a desire to avenge himself and prove his superiority over Uchiha Itachi and his cursed sharingan. But now, Itachi was a high-ranking official in the government of Namikagure, having assassinated the Daimayo and put his friend Kisame on the figurative throne. The Namikaze would doubtless be looking to protect his own skin and therefore unwilling to go along with any plots against the new Daimayo. Any attempt to track down and kill Itachi would very likely result in a war between Iwa and Nami. Deidara had no qualms about killing, but starting a war was a totally different game. Outside of the purely moral issues, a war would likely turn the people of Iwa against him, and the last thing he needed was a revolution.

Maki carefully drew the brush across his face, making thick, deep purple geometric patterns on his nose, chin, forehead and cheeks. Now that he was officially a ranking Ninja Puppeteer, he could proudly take have the honor of wearing the traditional face paint. He not-so-secretly hoped that he would be assigned a mission in Sunagakure, so that he could show his idol how much he had progressed since they'd last met. He dipped his brush in the paint and then ran it across his lips and eyelids. _Perfect, just like Kankurou-Sama._ He smiled and picked his hood, the Puppeteer's hood that Kankurou had given him after the Chuunin exams in Konohagakure. He thought back to the exams, _Kankurou-Sama was so nice, helping me train and putting up with me. It was the best time of my life. . . But . . . I came so close to dying back there, but Kidoumaru saved me, even though we were on different teams and I wasn't of much use to them. In fact, I probably slowed them down, but they didn't care, he didn't care. I wish I could have made his party, but a ninja's first duty is his village. He did send me a nice thank you card for the dagger I sent him. He's a cool guy. _Maki set the hood down, it was too important to him to actually use, (Plus the plate with the symbol of Sunagakure was sewn into the hood itself, and he didn't want to alter it in any way), and then put his own hood on. He took one last look in the mirror, grabbed his summoning scrolls, and headed outside.

To be continued...


	149. Chapter 150

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 150

Kankurou groaned and pulled himself out of bed, throwing on a robe and moving to answer the door. Temari grinned, "Hey, baby bro, I thought you would be up by . . . _What_ are you wearing?" "A robe, jan. I'm not going to answer the door _naked_, ya' know." Temari laughed, "She doesn't_ let_ you wear clothes in bed, eh? I meant what's that around your neck!" Temari started laughing wildly, "My little brother, the _Uke_!" Kankurou suddenly realized he was still wearing the dog collar and chain, and his hands shot up to cover the word 'BITCH', "Wait till Gaara hears about this!" "No, don't tell anyone, please!" Temari shook her head, "You should be more careful about that thing, the whole town already says you're Hana's bitch, and now we have irrefutable proof!" Kankurou briefly considered getting on his knees and begging, but, as he was in a dog collar, that would only prove her point more, "_Please_, Temari . . ." "Alright, I can be merciful, this time. But if you ever call me 'Sand Witch' again, everyone in town will see that bitch collar." Kankurou shuddered, "Okay . . . I'll, I'll try, jan. Just, please, if I make a mistake . . ." "Awwww, you know I love you, little bro . . . I won't tell . . . If you're nice."

Dosu read over his mission instructions._ My first mission for Konoha._ It was a B-rank mission, Gai was taking Dosu, Kara and Yoshi to Amegakure in order to return some items Jiraiya had forgotten when he took Shikamaru's place as ambassador. "Man, I hear it rains every day in Ame!" Kara whined. "No duh, stupid, that's what Amegakure means, Village Hidden in Rain." Yoshi stood and stretched, "You know Gai-Sensei's gonna' push us the whole way, too." Dosu laughed, _Gai-Sensei is gentle by Oto standards, the nicest Sensei in Otogakure would beat the hell out of his students just for laughs._ "What's so funny, Fluffy?" Dosu laughed again, _Fluffy, now that's a name to inspire terror in one's enemies . .._ "I was just thinking of Oto. I'd rather have the sternest Sensei here than the nicest there, . . . Not Danzo, of course, he's real Orochimaru material, he'd have been right at home in that pit." Kara shook her head, she didn't want to know, "Well, I hope you bring your umbrella, if that fur you wear gets wet, it'll probably smell." Dosu snorted, "Any fool knows to bring an umbrella when going to Ame. And why are you concerned about my pelt smelling?" He grinned, "Thinking of getting close?" Dosu and Yoshi started laughing as Kara turned bright red, "As if!"

The Doctor looked over x-rays of The Twin's skulls, "Good news, no sign of any remission, Sakon, and there's nothing visible on Ukon's x-ray." "That's because his head is empty!" Sakon grinned. "Hah, I got the brains _and_ the beauty in the family!" Ukon retaliated, "You're just jealous, Pig-Face!" "They didn't just hit you with the Ugly Stick, they broke it on your face!" The doctor shook his head, "Whatever the case, remember, if either of you start having severe headaches, come here right away." "We know." They both said in unison.

Shikamaru and Kidoumaru sat watching as Tayuya and Kotaro the Summoner had a 'friendly' duel, Kotaro was clearly outmatched, he had only one Doki, while Tayuya had three, and he was far less experienced, but his Doki was incredibly strong and put up a terrible fight. Finally, he sighed and stopped playing, and the Doki vanished. "What, you're just gonna' #! Give up?!" Kotaro ran the back of his hand against his brow, "I don't want to risk him, you're much better than I am, and I'm responsible for taking care of my Doki." Tayuya grinned widely, A _boy_, admitting that_ she_ was _superior_ in skill! Tayuya had a sudden, evil thought and picked up her flute once again, one of her Doki appeared and picked Shikamaru up in his massive arms, "Tayuya, what . . .?!" She jumped up on the Doki's shoulders, still playing, and the trio walked off. Kotaro shrugged, the girl was aggressive, and that was that. He walked over and sat next to Kidoumaru. "She's terrifying . . ." Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, she is. Would you believe that she's actually a lot nicer now than she was before?" Kotaro's eyes widened in shock, "I shouldn't say anything, I owe her a lot, she gave me a lot of advice and help with my Genjutsu, I probably wouldn't have passed the final exam without her help, but, _how_ can anyone live with her 24/7?" "Very carefully." Kidoumaru lay back in the grass, "So, how's the new ambassador?" "He's nothing like Kankurou-Sama. He's dull, arrogant and has the personality of a cabbage. In other words, he's a typical politician." Kidoumaru pulled absently at blades of grass around his hands, "I'll miss that guy, he was a lot of fun. Kankurou-San is a cool guy, he knows how to let loose and enjoy himself, but he can put on his game face and take out the trash without missing a beat." Kotaro looked up into the clear October sky, "Yeah, he is. I'll probably be going back soon too, this new guy has his own people to help him out." "That's too bad, you're alright, even if you did try to kill me during the exams." "It was nothing personal. We needed scrolls, and it was easier to steal them. I guess we were lucky you didn't kill us." Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm trying to avoid too much killing, it's wasteful. We were doing our best not to get into any fights with the other teams, live and let live and all that." He paused "What happened to the other two on your team?" "They didn't make it. Kentaro got a concussion after that puppet threw him against that tree and couldn't participate in the final exam, and Onishi lost to an earth user from Iwagakure. I don't think I would have won if Tayuya hadn't helped me out. She seems all mean and heartless, but she gave up her time and energy to help me. I think the 'bad' Tayuya is just an act. She's really a good person, deep down." Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, but it takes a long time to cut that deep into her mean hide! Seriously, though, she had to be tough and cruel to survive in Oto, we all did. If she'd shown the slightest weakness, the vultures would have been all over. And, as she was one of very few kunoichi in Otogakure, she felt, probably rightly, that most of the guys wouldn't respect her If she didn't outdo us in everything." His eyes narrowed and he stared off into the distance, "She'd have been eaten alive." Kotaro shook his head sadly, "Suna is tough, you have to be strong to survive in the desert, and the people can be cruel, still, I can't imagine life in a hell-hole like Otogakure. Have you gone back, since the new government took over?" "No. I would like to, one day, but I doubt I ever will. I'm probably considered a war criminal, as I was one of Oro's elite, field leader of the Oto-Five, we probably all are. Kimimaro went back, and they tried to lynch him. Anyone who had rank under the Snake is almost certainly marked for death. I guess I can't blame them, Orochimaru did things you could never imagine, human experimentation, mass murder . . . Raping kids . . . I wish to God I'd never laid eyes on that trash."

To be continued...


	150. Chapter 151

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 151

Mizuki opened the door to find Eiji and Zaku standing there, "Hey, what are you guys doing here? Come in." They stepped into the room, "We were thinking, Mizuki, your birthday is coming up in a few days, and we thought you might like a vacation." "A vacation? You don't have to do that." Zaku grinned, "We want to. Now, where would you like to go?" Mizuki thought for a moment, "I . . . I really don't know. What about . . . What about the Village of the Silken Web?" Eiji considered for a moment, "You want to go to my clan's village? I haven't been home in years . . . I'd have to ask . . ." "Yeah! I'd like to see your village!" Zaku shouted and slapped Eiji on the back., "You haven't met any of your new clan, outside of me, my parents, Kidoumaru and Eiichiro yet, have you?" Eiji turned to Mizuki, "How would you like to go? It's a long way, we could go by train from here to Takigakure, then walk the rest of the way, or just fly." Mizuki thought for a moment, "I've always wanted to ride a train." "Then we'll see what we can do." Eiji paused, "Would you object if we asked Kidoumaru if he wanted to come?" "No, I was going to ask Iruka! But . . . From what I understand, Kidoumaru and his parents . . . what if they don't want to see him?" "I know. Still, he has a right to see his home again, to try . . ." Zaku looked at them curiously, "If Kidoumaru's parents are still alive, how could the Nara clan adopt him?" Neither Eiji nor Mizuki could answer that question . . .

Shikamaru looked at Anko in disbelief, "Dead? Hidan is dead?" "Yes, he died sometime while you were at Zaku's party, we only just discovered it. We weren't going to ever open that seal again, but we noticed some . . . Signs and opened to make sure." Shikamaru smiled thinly, "What did you do with the head?" "We buried it where we usually take enemy bodies, in the field outside the village. We couldn't just leave it lying around, smelling up the place . . ." "I understand. Thanks for letting me know."

Nawaki, Naruto, Obito and Sasuke sat around under a large tree, laughing and joking amongst themselves. "So this idiot," Sasuke motioned toward Naruto, "Gave the _wrong_ hand signs and used a Water-Style-Jutsu_ inside_ the classroom! The whole building was flooded!" Everyone started laughing, even Naruto, "It took weeks to dry everything out!" "One time Obito decided that Konoha was too boring and needed bright colors, so Obito snuck out at night and painted the Hokage tower bright orange!" Naruto nearly fell over, "Genius! I wish I'd thought of that, dattebayo! Did you ever paint on the Hokage monument?" "All the time, Obito got in so much trouble!" Nawaki turned to Sasuke, "Can we talk for a few minutes, alone?" "Sure." Sasuke thought for a moment,_ I wonder how much he can tell me about Itachi?_ They walked off a short way into the woods. "When I was being held prisoner, your brother and his friend were watching me, they were pretty nice, we played games and stuff. He told me that . . . That he killed your clan, he seemed to fell really guilty about it.' Sasuke nodded, "Yeah, he killed all of them, except me and Obito." "I . . . I think that may be why he helped me. When we met, he told me he wasn't going to hurt me . . . And that's why I wanted to talk to you. The day before he killed that creep, I asked if he was going to kill me, and he said, 'I promise I won't hurt you, _Sasuke_.' He called me Sasuke." Sasuke's mouth dropped open, but he couldn't speak.

Yamanaka Inoichi smiled and patted Dosu on the back, "Be careful kid. And watch out for Jiraiya, I don't want him filling your head with perverted ideas." Dosu laughed, "Yes sir." He paused, "Thank you, for everything. Not many people would just take a guy like me in off the street, especially knowing what I've done in the past. I can't ever repay you for your kindness." Inoichi smiled warmly, "It was our pleasure. I really enjoy having you around, you're a good kid." "A good kid?!" Kidoumaru grabbed Dosu in a headlock and began to give him a noogie, "You don't know him very well, do you?" Dosu playfully elbowed him in the gut, "You found me out!" Ino shook her head, "Boys..." "Are better than girls!" Ukon shouted, and Ino glared at him, "Anyway. Tell me if that Konan woman is really as beautiful as everyone says." "And say hi to Maki for me." Kidoumaru put an arm around Dosu, "You're not just representing Konoha, you're representing all of us from the Oto team, so make us proud." Dosu grinned, "I'll tell everyone _you _taught me to act like a brat!" Gai came jogging up, "My Youthful pupils! It is time to begin our dynamic mission!" Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head in confusion, "I'll never understand that guy . . ." "Bye, losers!" Dosu shouted. "Speak for yourself, dumb-#!" Tayuya shouted, "Get your furry #! Out of town!" "I love you too, Tayuya!" Dosu laughed and waved as he walked with his team out of the gates of Konohagakure.

Zaku grinned wolfishly and slid an arm around Kin's waist, "Hey, I hear train rides are romantic. And a lot of people go to Taki on their honeymoon. It's supposed to be a real pretty place . . ." Kin smiled, then pulled Zaku roughly against her and kissed him, "This isn't our honeymoon, Zak. I'm surprised you can be so romantic about a trip." Zaku ran a hand through anxiously through his black hair, "What can I say, I'm full of surprises."

To be continued...


	151. Chapter 152

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 152

Kidoumaru sat quietly for a moment, considering, before finally coming to a conclusion, "No. I can't go back. It's too late." Akira sighed, Kidoumaru's parents had disowned him in disgust over his actions years ago, still . . . "Do you want us to tell them anything, for you?" Kidoumaru shook his head, "Just tell them . . . I'm sorry, and they don't have to worry about me anymore, I'm through with that life, and I'd rather die than serve something like Orochimaru again." "I'll tell them about what you've done, how you've changed so much. I know I'd be proud, if you were my son." Kidoumaru looked away, "You're not my father . . . It's easier for you to forgive me."

As Akira left, Shikamaru entered the room. "Do you really think they won't be able to forgive you?" "No. I _know_ they won't be able to forgive me. I've been so lucky it's miraculous, coming back from the dead, finding good friends and a kind family who accept me, despite what I've done. But not everyone is as forgiving as you are. They disowned me, even though I'm alive again, I'm still dead to them." He stood, "I don't blame them, I betrayed everything they believe in, I allowed myself to become a monster, a murderer." He turned and started up the stairs. "Kidoumaru?" "Please, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Shikamaru watched sadly as Kidoumaru walked up the stairs and out of his sight.

"How can he be so happy?! He even sparkles in the rain!" Yoshi was right, Gai walked smiling down the muddy path through the cold, pouring rain as if he were walking through a field of flowers in the summertime. "It's all in your point of view! If you have a Youthful mind-set, nothing will discourage you!" Dosu just carried on quietly, he'd been through far worse conditions than this, he'd suffered in ways his teammates couldn't imagine. "Hey, Fluffy!" He turned to look at Kara, "Yeah?" "I hope that fur of yours doesn't carry fleas!" Dosu grinned, "Don't worry, I'm flea-free, we can snuggle in safety!" He made a kissing noise. "Be careful, I could sue you for sexual harassment!" Yoshi laughed, "You're the one hitting on him! All that talk about his pelt, you're just trying to get close!" "I am not!" Gai started singing a loud, happy tune as his students teased each other back and forth.

Tomoe looked at her husband sadly, "He's not coming, is he?" "No. He doesn't think his parents will forgive him." Tomoe looked away, "The sad thing is, he's probably right." "So, we're flying to Kusa?" They turned to see Iruka and Mizuki walking up. "Yeah, we're taking Zaku's summon to Kusagakure, then going by train." Iruka smiled, "Does she have a name? I've only heard you guys call her 'The Summon'." Mizuki shrugged, "Zaku said her name was Kurokaze. He's spent a lot of time with her, actually, when he's not chasing Kin." "It seems to me Kin's not trying too hard to get away."

"Hey, guys!" Nawaki moved over to the Oto-Nin's table, "I wanna' show you this!" He set a framed picture on the table, and Tayuya picked it up. "Oh, my God! Look at that little #!" She started laughing as Kidoumaru took the picture from her hand. It was a picture of a man and three kids, the man bore a great resemblance to the Sandaime, the first kid on the left was a cute, white haired boy with a lecherous grin and two thin, red facial tattoos, clearly a young Jiraiya, the second was a pretty blonde girl whom he could only assume was Tsunade, which meant the third, the skinny, pale-skinned, black-haired, yellow eyed boy to the right was . . . "Hey guys! Check out the Snake!" Everyone crowded around to see, "Man, what happened to that #!? He looks . . . _Innocent_ . . ." Ukon snorted. Jirobou held his face a few inches from the frame, "That can't be . . . _him_? Can it?" "Look at his #! Eyes! Who the #! Else has _snake eyes_?!" Tayuya shook her head, "What made him turn from a cute little kid to a #! Blood-thirsty demon #!" "He wanted power, and he wanted immortality. Even the worst trash characters start the game as innocent kids . . ." Nawaki sat down, "Tsunade used to be on the same Genin team as Jiraiya and Orochimaru, of course, that was before I was born." Sakon leaned forward to get a better look, "Look at Jiraiya! You can tell he's a perv just by looking at him!" "Some people change, and some people stay the same, little brother." "Is that Orochimaru-Sama?" They turned to see Kimimaro standing behind them, staring intently at the picture, "Wow, Tsunade-Sama really filled-out, didn't she?" Nawaki snorted at the remark, and everyone started laughing.

The train station in Grass was fairly new and still held a newly polished shine. It was made of wood, a rarity in Kusagakure, with antique styled benches and wrought iron railings. The train itself was a bulky, silver and blue hunk of metal, shining in the bright sunlight. Trains, like inter-village telephone service, were rare, it was difficult to keep lasting lines and tracks between lands frequently embroiled in war. Of the group, only Akira, Tomoe and Eiji had ever ridden a train before. "So, Kin," Zaku stepped toward his bunk, "Let's share the bed!" Kin laughed, "You wish!" Tomoe smiled, "Do you guys have everything you need? The train pulls out in about a half hour." Both nodded, "Good. There's a lounge car we can go to watch the scenery go by. Just be sure to lock your things in your rooms and don't forget the keys."

Mizuki placed his neatly ordered clothes into the small wooden closet. "Excited?" Mizuki turned, "Yeah. What about you, 'Ruka?" "I can't believe you're about to turn twenty-seven! Man we're getting old, 'Zuki!" "Happens to the best of us. I already turned old once . . ." Iruka nodded, "I remember."

"Kidoumaru!" He turned at the sound of Sakura's voice. "Kidoumaru, I heard about what happened today . . ." "It's not something I want to talk about, Babe." He stared into space for a moment, "I'd like to go home, I wish I could go home, I wish I could see my parents again. But I can't, they made it clear I'm not welcome back, ever. I . . . " He paused, "I have a new family now. I know everyone wondered how I could be adopted if my parents were still alive. They gave up custody. They basically said, 'You can have the brat, he's not worth our . . .'" He looked away, "They can't forgive me." She put an arm around him, "Maybe . . ." She didn't know what to say. _If they're so #! Cold as to throw away their own son because he made some mistakes, they don't deserve him!_ Inner Sakura growled. "I'm sorry. Whatever happens, you have us, you know that." "Yeah, I know." Sakura leaned against him, "I just thought of something, since your birthday is actually in December, then you're still only fifteen . . . You're_ Zaku's_ age . . ." He smiled, "Better hope nobody calls the law on you, Babe."

Sasuke woke slowly to find Obito shaking him, "Hey, Sasuke! Obito has a great idea!" "What?" "We go get Sakon, Ukon, Suigetsu, Sai, everybody, and we play a big prank on the whole town!" Sasuke started to get dressed, "This better be good . . ."

As night fell everyone headed to their bunks. Just outside of his room, Zaku turned and grinned, "Hey, Kin, sure you don't want to take me up on my offer?" Kin smiled back, "Sure." Zaku's eyes widened and his cheeks turned red, "W-what!?" "I said _yes_, let's go." Zaku paled, "I-I-I-I-I . . ." He stuttered, a look of panic on his face, "I gotta go!" Kin started laughing as he locked the door behind him,_ I thought so!_ Eiji walked by and looked at Kin, "What's going on?" "I'm just having some fun with Romeo." She giggled and walked off, leaving a very confused Eiji behind.

As dawn rose in Konoha, a surprise awaited the new day. Tsunade stood, shading her eyes and trying not to laugh. _After all these years, he still hasn't changed._ The whole town crowded around her, staring at the Hokage tower, shining bright orange against the morning sky.

To be continued...


	152. Chapter 153

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 153

The waterfalls thundered from high in the mist covered mountains, crashing into the various rivers which streamed out in several directions, bringing their precious water to several villages miles and miles away. A moderate sized, well built, pretty little village sat at the base of the nearest mountain, "It's beautiful . . ." Kin gave voice to what everyone was thinking. "It's been too long since I was in Takigakure, longer still since I was home." Eiji said softly.

Jiraiya was on his knees, peeking into a hole in the wall of the women's area of the bath house. He chuckled,_ Such fruitful research! I love my job!_ "JIRAIYA-SAMA!" Jiraiya jumped a good fifteen feet into the air, then landed as nimbly as a man a half his age, clutching a hand over his heart. "Gai?! Are you trying to kill me?!" Gai laughed heartily, "We came to bring you your precious items!" He swept his arm dramatically over his students, Jiraiya recognized them all, even the little hunchback from Otogakure. Kara stepped forward and handed him a small box, "You brought it! I thought I was going to have to go back! I can't work without my lucky pen!" All three kids nearly fell over, "A lucky pen!" Yoshi shouted, "We came all this way, through that cold, wet hell hole to deliver a _pen!_" Jiraiya grinned broadly, "Not just any pen! My lucky pen! I wrote my first book with this!"

Kidoumaru shook Kotaro's hand, the Suna-Nin was going home. A small group was headed back to Sunagakure for various reasons, and the Genjutsu-user was among them. "Give my regards to Kankurou-San and Hana-San." "I will. Say good-bye to Dosu for me." "It seems like all the _fun_ Suna people are leaving!" Sakon remarked. Tayuya pushed her way over, "Keep up the #! Practicing! If you get your #! Killed, it'll make me look bad!" He smiled, "I will. I'll make you proud, Sensei." Tayuya blushed slightly, then caught herself, "Don't you #! Dare call me #! 'Sensei'! People will #! Think I'm soft! I'm no #! Music teacher, got it?!" Kotaro smiled, "Yes, ma'am!"

The group spent the night and part of the next day in a cozy little hotel overlooking a massive waterfall. They wandered through the village, taking in the sights and sounds, and stopped to picnic beside one of the many rivers flowing through Taki. "I wonder why Kakuzu-San left this place? It's so beautiful!" Kin sat on the bank, dangling her feet in the cool water. "Who knows, but he must have had a good reason . . . Probably couldn't make enough money here!" Zaku sat next to her, he'd stripped down a pair of shorts, and set his own feet into the water. Kin laughed as he put an arm around her, "I'd have thought you'd be scared to be around me, after what happened on the train." Zaku smiled, "How'd you know I wouldn't agree?" Kin put a hand on his bare stomach, "Because I don't think you're any more ready for_ that_ than I am." "And what if I _had_ agreed?" "I'd have had to hurt you." Zaku pouted, "You're so cold!"

The trek took them through a long maze of forest paths towards a large, forested mountain, covered with the bright colors of deep autumn and crowned with a thick mist. "There it is," Eiji smiled, "The Mountain of the Webs." Mizuki looked up in awe, "It's incredible . . ." "We'd better get moving. I can't wait to get home . . ." They all stopped in their tracks as the village came into view, it was smaller than Konohagakure, but elegantly constructed, with small, wood and stone houses and a large, protective wall of stone shielded it from any potential invaders. As they entered the massive gates, Zaku noticed that not everyone had six arms. It made sense, if everyone in the village were of the same clan, the in-breeding would be fierce. Presumably non-Naraku people married into the clan, and their children would be born with six arms, as some sort of dominate trait. Then those not closely related would marry, keeping up the line. It was nowhere near the inbreeding practiced by some ancient clans, like the Hyuuga and Uchiha, to preserve their Blood limits. A large crowd began to gather around, greeting their old friends and the new faces. Several dark hands reached out and mussed Zaku's hair or pinched his cheeks, and he pulled back. "So, you're the new kid, huh?" A plump woman smiled and pulled him against herself, "Quite a cutie you got here, Tomoe!" Tomoe laughed, "Yes he is, Akiko . . . He's a good kid, too. Though he has a mouth you wouldn't believe!" The fat woman picked him up, "I don't believe it! I'll bet you're a little angel, aren't you?!" Kin started laughing, "Yeah, he's an angel, from _hell_!" "Ha, ha, Kin, very funny." Akiko set him down and looked at Kin, "What a _darling _little girl!" Now it was Zaku's turn to laugh . . .

"I heard about Eiichiro," An older man said softly to Eiji, "It must have been hard . . ." "Yes, sir. It was, but he left me no choice, he understood that I had to protect my friends. I try not to think to much on it . . ." Iruka and Mizuki were shaking hands left and right, "We've heard a lot about you two." A tall, elegant woman said, "You helped defeat Jashin, that's very impressive." Iruka scratched the back of his head, "Zaku did most of the work . . . And Eiji, he had to . . ." "I know, it must have been terrible." "Battle is always terrible, no matter who wins." Mizuki said quietly, "But at least Jashin won't be back anytime soon. I hope."

Not long after

Naraku Akira approached the modest home of Naraku Jin and his wife, Keiko. Jin met him at the door, smiling, "It's been a long time, Akira. Have you finally moved back here to paradise?" Akira smiled, "No. We're just taking some friends to visit the old village. We brought Zaku, you remember, we adopted him." Jin's featured hardened slightly, "Yes, I heard. He worked for that Snake, didn't he?" Akira tried to ignore that, "We saw Kidoumaru . . ." Jin scowled, "Don't mention that name here." "He's changed, Jin. He's a good kid now, a good man. He has an honest job, he's an instructor . . ." "It changes nothing." "He's saved a lot of lives." "And he's taken a lot of lives as well." Keiko said, from somewhere inside, "A few good deeds can't wash that away . . ." Akira shivered in the cool mountain air, "He still loves you. He carries a picture of you . . ." Jin snarled, "If that . . . _Boy_ has any ideas of coming back, being forgiven, he's wasting his time. We have no son, and _he_ will _not_ set foot in our home again." Akira clenched his teeth, "He died! Then he came back and changed his life! He's not the same person! He's a great kid, a kind kid!" "He's not _our_ kid. Now leave my property." "How many times does he have to die to pay for his mistakes?! What does he have to do for you to forgive him?!" "To never have been born." Akira had to restrain himself from attacking the man, "You're right, he's not your son. You can't get an apple from weeds. He's better off without you." Jin grunted something unintelligible and slammed the door. Akira no longer felt the chill in the air, only a hot rage.

To be continued...


	153. Chapter 154

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 154

Tsunade shook her head, "Obito, You know I love you, but you can't just go around defacing public property . . ." "Obito didn't deface it, Obito painted it!" Tsunade rubbed her eyes tiredly, "But the Hokage tower isn't yours to paint!" "If it's public property, then Obito owns it too, right?" Tsunade reached for a bottle of Sake, "I'm beginning to understand Deidara, God help me . . ."

"I take it the visit didn't go well . . ." Akira shook his head, "Those self-righteous, filthy . . ." Tomoe sighed, "Why?" "They don't even want to know what good he's done, they don't care if he's reformed, they don't care if he's canonized as a Saint! They don't have any room in their cold, dead hearts to forgive their own child!" Tomoe sat down sadly, "I . . . We, the way we treated Eiichiro . .. Do you think . . ." Akira sat next to her, "No. We don't hate him, I wish to God he'd have been able to see what he was doing and stop. But . . ." "How can they be so cruel?" Akira put his head in his hands "You know how they are, in there minds Kidoumaru disgraced them and the Naraku name. No matter what he does, they'll always have that attached to them, and they can't forgive him for that. They value their reputation more than they value their child."

Eiji stood jut outside the doorway, listening. _They're the disgrace to our family name, abandoning their own kid. Kidoumaru still loves them, what's he going to do if . . . We have to tell him, so that he doesn't try to come and find out for himself. How in God's Name to you tell a guy his parents hate him?_

Kidoumaru stretched out lazily on the grass, "So, Babe, what would you think if I dressed like Sai?" Sakura laughed, "I'd rather you dress like Akamaru." "But Akamaru doesn't wear. . . OH,,,!" He laughed, "Mmmmm, you are a pervert, aren't you? I'm underage, remember?" Sakura pouted, "Every day!" He sat up on his back elbows, "I still don't know how I'll tell everyone that my birthday is in December, not July, I'm gonna' look like a first-class fool." "No, people will understand, I mean, you probably didn't have much time to remember those sorts of things in Otogakure. How old were you when you left, six? You can't be expected to know everything about your life before that!" "I guess not." "Kidoumaru, I was wondering . . . About your parents . . ." "My parents are Shikato-San and Yoshino-san. The _other_ two, they don't want me back." Sakura put her hand over his, "How can you be . . ." Kidoumaru frowned, "Look, they _hate_ me, alright? They aren't forgiving people, and I disgraced them by running off with Orochimaru. They'll _never_ forgive me, not even if I saved their lives. So please, I_ really_ don't want to talk about it." Sakura looked at him sadly, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." "I know, I'm not mad at you, it's my _own_ fault. I chose to become a monster." "You were _six_ for God's sake! You couldn't have chosen what clothes to wear! How were you supposed to know? Your parents shouldn't judge you like that, you made a mistake, and you owned up to it. You turned your life around, and they don't care? They're the problem, not you!" He stared off into space for a while, "When I told you, months ago, that I didn't know if my parents were alive or dead . . . I lied. I tried to write them, and they told me . . . That I should have stayed dead." Sakura's jaw dropped, "My God . . ." He started shaking, "I can't . . . Tell you what it feels like . . ." For the first time since she'd met him, Kidoumaru started to cry. She pulled him against her, and he started sobbing.

"Go away, we don't want to talk with either of you!" Jin moved back into his shop, followed closely by Eiji and Zaku, "You can't just treat your own son like that! You think he's bad? You're worse! At least Kidoumaru is trying to change, you're still the same old pig you always were!" Jin turned and slapped Eiji across the face, "I said, get out of my work-shop!" Zaku raised his palms, "Okay, you asked for it, you #!"" Zaku's voice was cold and filled with rage. "Zaku, _NO_!" But it was too late. A high-pitched vibration echoed through the workshop, shattering pottery left and right until everything was wrecked, "Nobody hits my brother, #!-face!" Jin had fallen to his knees, covering his ears, and he now stood slowly, looking around wide-eyed and white-faced, shaking with terror. "Y-you'll pay for this, brat!" "Make me, you son of a . . ." "Zaku! I think we better leave now . . ." Jin screamed in rage as the boys walked out of his workshop and back toward their family home. Eiji put an arm around Zaku, "Hey, thanks." Zaku shrugged, "Hey, somebody's got to take care of you."

Sakon and Ukon waited inside the Hokage tower for their prey. "Here she comes." Sakon leaned forward and grinned at Shizune, "Hey baby, wanna' see my Cursed Seal?" Tsunade started laughing wildly, "It looks like you have an admirer, Shizune!" "Sorry, kid, I don't date children." Sakon huffed, "I'm not a kid, I'm sixteen!" Ukon stirred, "Give it up, little brother. No girl's gonna' date freaks like us." Shizune shook her head, "It's not like that . . ." "They're playing you, Shizune. They want you to feel guilty so you'll go out with him." Tsunade warned. The Twins stuck out there tongues at her, "Liar!" "I'm telling you, these brats are up to something . . ."

"A pen! They dragged us all the way here for a pen!" Maki nodded absently as Yoshi whined. Dosu, Yoshi, Kara and Maki sat around a table in a small snack bar. Dosu grinned, "Hey, Maki, your pants are on fire." Maki nodded, "Yeah. I guess. Huh, what?" "You weren't even listening!" Yoshi shouted, "Well, if you'd quite _whining_ about the your crappy mission I might, jan!" "What the hell does _jan_ mean?!" Kara laughed, "He doesn't know, he says it because Kankurou-San says it." Maki huffed, "I do know! Tough guys say it, jan! It doesn't mean anything!" "Alright, let's get to something else." Dosu said, "So, Maki, what made you admire Kankurou-San?" Maki leaned back, "Well, I saw him fight once, when I was a kid. My parents took me to Sunagakure to visit my aunt, and I saw Kankurou-Sama practicing. He was so cool! I'd never seen a Ninja Puppeteer before, he was amazing! And the way he made Karasu move, he took a carved wooden puppet and made him alive! I wanted to be just like him, to be a puppeteer, jan." He paused, "My Chakra abilities are naturally water, I had to learn a new way to focus and direct my abilities, jan. It took years of training just to perfect my use of Chakra strings, a lot of people said I couldn't do it, but I did . . ." Dosu shook his head in amazement, _This kid learned to use a whole new elemental Chakra so he could become a Ninja Puppeteer__! __How many people have the dedication, the sheer obsessive force of will to do something like that? Outside of Rock Lee, I've never heard of someone like that_! "Wow, you really worked your #! Off, didn't you? There aren't many Ninja Puppeteers around, did you train yourself?" "Yes. I studied every book, every scroll I could find, I watched films of great puppeteers in action, I made my puppets with my own hands . . ." "If I had that kind of drive, I'd be Hokage by now." Yoshi said in awe.

"I'm on to you . . ." Kakashi stared into the cat's eyes, "You're all alike . . ." Bang meowed, "Oh, don't play innocent with me! I know what you're up to, and I won't let you make a monkey out of me!" "Meow?" "A likely story!" Suddenly the cat made it's move, jumping onto Kakashi's lap and rubbing up against him, purring. "#! It all! Noooooooooooo!!!!" Bang settled down for a nap . . .

To be continued...


	154. Chapter 155

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 155

"That little_ murderer_ you took in destroyed my work shop! He could have killed me!" Akira shook his head, "Yes, he _could_ have killed you, the fact that he _didn't_ shows how much self-control he has." Jin turned red with anger, "I expect full compensation for damages, and I am pressing charges! That little monster should be in jail, not out here, threatening decent folks!" "His criminal past is better than your 'decency', throwing your own kid away like trash." Akira glared at the man, "Speaking of pressing charges,_ you assaulted_ Eiji. I could take _you_ to court and let everyone see what a_ monster_ you really are. You think your reputation was damaged by Kidoumaru, when I'm done, your name will be lower than Orochimaru's!" Jin's eyes widened, "You wouldn't! He was intruding on my private property!" "Maybe," Akira said calmly, "But I could still take it to court, win or lose, your dirty laundry would come out . . ." Jin snarled, "Alright! But you will pay me for damages!" Akira sighed, "Zaku did act badly, I suppose. All right, I'll pay for the damages." "If that little murderer comes near me again, he'll regret it!" Akira laughed, "No, _you_ will. He's a '_murderer_', remember? If you attack him, he'll defend himself, and you'll _die_." Jin turned and stomped off.

Jin walked back to Zaku's room, and found him distraught, pale and crying. "Zaku, what's wrong?" Zaku looked up at him pleadingly, "Don't throw me back in the street! I'll be good, I swear!" Akira was stunned, _He thinks we're going to throw him out over this?!_ "We're not going to throw you out, you're our son now, and we love you." "But you have to . . . pay a lot to that guy because of me . . ." Akira hugged him tightly, "That doesn't matter! We care about you, not about money or what stupid people like Jin say! We'll never throw you away like that, ever!" He kissed him on the top of the head, "You don't have to worry about that, you and Kin are just as much part of our family as Eiji, and even if you weren't, we still wouldn't throw a kid into the streets to starve."

Kankurou walked into the new veterinary office of Sunagakure, "How do you like the new digs, jan?" Hana smiled, "It's nice. Though, I can't help wondering how many people actually have animals here." Kankurou walked over and kissed her on the cheek, "They're here, you just don't see them out on the streets much, jan. Cats, dogs, birds, lizards . . ." "Cute Kitties." She ran a hand across his chest, "Especially you." The door opened and Gaara walked in, then stopped, "I'm sorry, were you being intimate?" "No, no. We were just talking." She smiled, "A Kitty and a Tanuki! Business is picking up!"

Kidoumaru and Sakura were fascinated by the three approaching figures. Obito, Naruto and Nawaki were all wearing identical orange and blue outfits with big orange goggles. "Why do I get this nervous feeling seeing you guys?" Kidoumaru laughed. Obito grinned, "We're _Team Terrible!_ The biggest troublemakers in Konoha!" "Dattebayo!" Sakura giggled, "What about Suigetsu and The Twins?" "Or Konohamaru and his friends?" Kidoumaru added. "We were just going to pick Sasuke up at the training field, then get the others." Nawaki grinned, "We're gonna' have a lot of fun!" "And get into a lot of trouble . . ." Kidoumaru warned. "Only if we get caught, dattebayo!" They waved and watched the brightly colored trio walk off. "They seem to be enjoying themselves. With all of those pranksters together, Konoha is going to get exciting . . ." "That's one way to put it, Babe." Sakura leaned against him, "Are you going to be alright?" Kidoumaru wrapped his arms around her, "Yeah. I feel a little better, getting it off my chest." He smiled, "Thanks for listening." "You know, you could talk to your parents . . . The Naras, I mean, and Shikamaru, and me . . ." He snuggled against her, "I know . . . I guess, I just . . . Didn't want to face it. I'm sorry for laying all this on you like that . . ." "Don't be, you really need to talk about these things. It can cause serious mental harm to just . . . Keep it in like that." He stroked her hair, "Mmmm, you're so good to me Babe . . . A healer like you is worth getting sick for . . ." "I'm serious, though, you can't just keep . . ." "I know. . . I know it's not that I'm weak or anything . . ." Sakura shook her head, "Why do people think that only the weak suffer mentally?" "'Cause they're stupid. Like I was saying, maybe I can talk to that doctor Masuda. You said he's good, and the Creep Twins seem to be improving some." Sakura smiled, "I'll make you an appointment." Kidoumaru sighed, "Sakon, Ukon, Kimimaro, Zaku, did that Snake drive everyone around him insane?" "He caused so much pain, I wouldn't doubt it." He picked her up in his arms, "Okay, I'm tired of thinking of that stuff. Let's go suck face!" "Oh God, you have been taking lessons from Zaku!" She smiled, "Let me down for a minute." "Sure, Babe." Sakura turned and picked Kidoumaru up in her arms, "Now this is better!"

Sakon smiled across the table at Shizune, who looked uncomfortable, they were sitting in the Cute Kitsune, having banana splits. "So, how long have you worked for Tsunade-Sama?" "Five years." She answered quietly, "So, is she really a Legendary Sucker?" Shizune laughed at the question, "Yeah, she's the worst gambler in the world!" Sakon and Ukon laughed, "Yeah, my ugly little brother is a sucker too." "Shut up, Ukon! Sorry, Shizune-San, my brother's retarded and . . ." "I am not!" Shizune smiled, "So, how long can you two stay separated?" "Not long enough!" They both answered simultaneously, "See, Ukon here's so _weak_, he can't live without me." "You may be stronger, but I'm the smart one. Without me, you wouldn't know how to put on your shoes!" Tonton suddenly jumped from Shizune's lap and onto the table, burying her snout in her banana split. "Tonton!"

To be continued...


	155. Chapter 156

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 156

Mizuki took a deep breath and settled into the hot spring, looking forward to a relaxing rest in the steam-shrouded onsen, "I don't remember Tsunade-Sam having a brother." Iruka shook his head, "That's because he's been dead for about forty years. The Daimayo of Nami brought him back a few weeks ago and was holding him for ransom." "And Itachi saved him?" Iruka slid lower into the water and closed his eyes, "That's right, turns out he has some kind of conscience after all. Of course, he and Kisame also assassinated the Daimayo and took over Namikagure . . ." "I heard about that part, everyone in Kusagakure is talking about it, but they didn't say anything about a kid." Mizuki laughed, "You won't believe what Zaku said to me the other day. He said, 'So, when are you and Iruka gonna' come out of the closet?'! Can you believe that little Windbag?!" Iruka's eyes shot open, "He thinks we're . . ." "Yeah." "He's not the first, remember, 'Zuki? A lot of our students used to say the same thing. Like two single guys can't be close friends without being in love . . ." "Speaking of love, how are Naruto and Hinata doing?" Iruka laughed now, "Naruto told me that he _loves her more than ramen!_" Mizuki nearly jumped out of the water, "More than ramen! I always thought he'd _marry_ a bowl of ramen someday!" They both started laughing, "Yeah, so did I!" "What about Shikamaru and that foul-mouthed girl?" "She owns him! Or maybe he owns her, seeing as she carries him around all the time! She's the boss though, no doubt about that." "I always knew Shikamaru would fall for a girl like his mother; strong, bossy and tough. I always figured Ino would drag him to the alter, kicking and screaming . . . ." "And who ever thought Sakura would fall for an Oto-Nin. Of course, we only just met Kidoumaru a few months ago, but I always figured she'd spend the rest of her life chasing Sasuke. He's a good kid, though, a great kid. Did you hear about how he and Dosu fought off those Missing Nins that tried to kill their class?" Mizuki's jaw dropped, "What?! Missing Nins did what?!" "Two Missing Nins from Kirigakure decided they wanted to have some fun by murdering a bunch of kids, and the made the mistake of attacking the class Kidoumaru was teaching. Kidoumaru went Cursed Seal on the first guy and called his spider summon to eat him, and Dosu blasted the other guy's head off." Mizuki leaned over a bit, "Cowardly #!, I hope they suffered. Was anyone hurt?" "Kidoumaru was hit by a kunai in the shoulder and took a poisoned senbon in the arm, we we're afraid he wasn't going to make it for a while there, but thanks to Tsunade-Sama and Sakura he pulled through. He actually helped save himself, he told Dosu to take one of the senbon, before he collapsed, so they could analyze the poison and find an antidote. He's a smart kid, so's Dosu." "Zaku's a good kid, a bit wild, but a good kid. I remember the first time we met him, I'll never forget how he looked, like the whole world had died around him. He woke up almost every night screaming. Now he actually laughs and plays around and flirts with Kin. He's still got a lot of pain, but at least he's able to enjoy life now. And Kin, she's a great kid, when she was asked about which one of them to being adopt, she told them to adopt Zaku, because he needed the stability more." Iruka took the towel from over his eyes, "Why not adopt both of them?" Mizuki laughed, "Think about it, 'Ruka. If they're brother and sister, even by adoption, then having a relationship, much less getting married, is out of the question!" "Good point, 'Zuki."

"Eiji?" Eiji rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, "Zaku? What's wrong?" Zaku stood in the doorway nervously, "I . . . I couldn't sleep," He said, clearly embarrassed, "Can I . . .?" Eiji patted the bed beside him, "Sure." Zaku slipped over and lay next to him, "I know it's stupid . . ." "No, it's not, we all need other people in our lives. I was so alone after I left Eiichiro, you don't know how glad I was when Mizuki showed up. I don't know what I would have done without him, he says I saved him, but if I hadn't met Mizuki, I'd have been lost. And then, with you coming along, it finally felt like I had a family again, ya' know?" Zaku nodded silently, "When my parents died and I was on the streets, I used to cry myself to sleep. I was so hungry and lonely and nobody cared . . . The people in my village, they just looked at me like trash, like a rat scavenging in the garbage. . ." "They were fools. You're worth more than all of them put together." He wrapped his arms around his brother, "You and Mizuki gave me something to care about, a reason beyond just surviving. And I won't let anyone take you away." "I know . . ." Eiji remained awake a short while after Zaku fell asleep, looking at his face, _Don't worry about anything, you have us now, little brother._

Itachi walked into the Daimayo's office, 'Hey, Hoshigake . . ." He stopped, Kisame and Suki were . . ._ busy_. "SORRY!" Itachi ran out, covering his eyes, repeating, over and over, "Remember to knock!" "Hey, 'Tachi! Shut the #! Door!" Kisame shouted behind him. Itachi collided with Kakuzu a few hallways over, knocking them both over. "Uchiha! If I'm hurt, I'll sue you!" Itachi stood up and helped the mercenary to his feet, "I didn't know it was possible to hurt you. Except by taking your money . . ." "No, that's a good way for someone to get themselves killed . . ."

Kidoumaru yawned and rubbed his eyes, "Morning, already?" He stood up, _Cold today . . . _ He took a hot shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed and walked downstairs. Shikamaru and Shikato were still sleeping, as usual, and Yoshino was in the kitchen, drinking hot tea. "Hey, Kidoumaru, look out the window." Yoshino said happily. Kidoumaru walked over and looked out, the yard was covered in a gleaming carpet of snow. "Beautiful sight, isn't it?" "Yeah, but . . . I'm gonna' freeze my arms off." Yoshino groaned and slapped her forehead, "Oh God! You need long sleeves! _Six_ long sleeves on each outfit!" Kidoumaru smiled, "I'll rig something up, they do sell arm-warmers at the sports store. And don't feel bad, I didn't think anything about snow either." Yoshino shook her head, "As soon as the stores open, I'll go down and buy you some arm-warmers! I can't send the lazies, they would probably come back with cheap pantie hose because they were too lazy to look!" Kidoumaru laughed, "Alright, but only if you let me cook breakfast." Yoshino smiled, "Deal!"

Obito drug Sasuke by the arm out into the freshly fallen snow, "Obito loves snow!" He got on his knees and started making snowballs, "This is gonna' be fun, Sasuke!" A few minutes later, Hatake Kakashi stepped outside, "First snow of the season. It's a bit early, but . . ." "ATTACK" Kakashi was taken completely by surprise, blasted with a dozen snowballs before he had the chance to duck. Obito and Sasuke stood up and cheered, "Victory!" Kakashi smiled, grabbed a handful of snow and the battle began.

"Akira!" Tomoe whispered, "Come take a look at this." Akira followed his wife to the door of Eiji's room, "Look." Akira looked in and smiled, Eiji was fast asleep, holding Zaku protectively. "He's a good boy, isn't he?" "They both are." Akira closed the door softly, "I see what Eiichiro meant, we do have two sons to be proud of. I'm proud of him, too, in a way. I just wish he could have realized what he was doing before he died." Tomoe nodded sadly, "Maybe, one day, whatever power's in charge of that will forgive him."

In hell, Eiichiro smiled.

"So, say hi to everyone for me, jan." Maki shook Dosu's hand. "Good seeing you again, Puppeteer." "Now we have to go back into that muddy hell!" Yoshi groaned. "Quit whining, jan! Have you ever tried to work with _wooden_ puppets in a_ rainforest_?! Three words, _mold_ and _water damage_! I use a fortune in water repellent coating, jan!" "Let's embark on our journey!" Gai smiled, blinding everyone nearby, "Ack! You should put a warning on those teeth, jan!" "Tell me about it!" Kara sighed, "They say if Gai-Sensei and Rock Lee were to smile at someone at the same time, they'd burn the poor guy's eyes out!" After saying their goodbyes, the group started out, with Gai singing again. Dosu turned, "Oh yeah, Maki, don't trust Jiraiya-Sama! If you ever get a girlfriend, don't let him near her!"

"Oh, man! It's freezing! This is so troublesome!" Shikamaru shuddered, "I'm going back to bed!" Kidoumaru shook his head, "Wimp." "Whatever . . ." There was a knock at the door, Kidoumaru went to the door, and opened it. "Wow, both of you . . ." Tayuya pushed past Sakura and Kidoumaru, "Hey, lazy-#! There you are!" She walked over and jumped onto the couch and dragged Shikamaru over, "Hey, hottie . . ." "She doesn't waste time, does she?" Sakura laughed, "Maybe I need to be more aggressive." "Mmmmm, but I'm not Shikamaru." "That's for #! Sure!" Tayuya shouted, without looking away from her boyfriend. Kidoumaru shut the door and took Sakura by the arm, "What's a pretty girl like you doing out on a cold day like this?" She giggled, "Visiting the sexiest boy on earth." Tayuya laughed, "Shikamaru's mine!" Yoshino walked into the room, "We have guests! Good to see you, Tayuya, Sakura. Did you try on those clothes I bought you, Kido?" "Yes mom. Nice and warm, thanks." "Would you kids like some snacks? I have Dango, hot chocolate, all sorts of snacks." Sakura bowed politely, "Yes, thank you, Yoshino-San." "Tayuya?" "I already have my snack right here . . ." "Mom . . . Eh, a little help here . . ." Shikamaru waved desperately. "Try not to hurt him too much, Tayuya." "MOM!"

To be continued...


	156. Chapter 157

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 157

Sakura ran her fingers through Kidoumaru's hair, "So, I set up an appointment for you tomorrow afternoon at two." "Thanks, Babe." "Have you talked to your parents yet?" "They already knew." They were sitting beside a window in the back of the Nara home, watching the deer roaming the edge of the nearby forest, a few were actually straying into the yard. "They're glad I've finally decided to get help about it. I guess you're good for me Babe." She laughed, "Of course, every man needs a good woman." Sakura smiled, "Speaking of which, it may be cold outside, but Tayuya's certainly keeping Shikamaru warm . . ." "Jealous?" He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, sharing his warmth, "Mmmmmm . . . You feel good, Sakura." She giggled, _And you're sexy!_ Inner Sakura shouted, _I could die happy right now!_ "There is one bad thing about winter, though." "What's that?" She snuggled closer, "You can't take your shirt and sun yourself . . ." He chuckled, "I didn't know you were into topless sunbathing!" "I was talking about you!"

"Kankurou-Sama." Kankurou turned to see who had spoken, "Kotaro! You're back!" They shook hands, "I actually missed having you around, I've had to run and get my own coffee, jan!" They both laughed, "Yeah, I missed you, too. I also missed Suna . . ." "Why?" Shiromaru yipped, "It's hot as hell and drier than a year-old bone!" "Because I was born here, I like it here. If you took a cactus and planted it in a rainforest, it would die." Shiromaru laughed, "If you take a dog and put him in Sunagakure, he's gonna' be unhappy!" Kankurou snorted, "We have dogs here, and they're quite happy, jan." He turned to Kotaro, "So, I guess old Yamamura-San didn't think he needed you, don't feel bad, he hates everyone younger than him, and, since _everyone_ is younger than him . . ." Kotaro laughed, "Yeah. Everybody was really sorry to see you go, they still talk about you. You're very well-liked in Konoha." "So are you." Kotaro scratched his head, "I do have friends in Konoha, like Tayuya-San and the others, and I'll miss them, but it's good to be home . . ."

The group was out at a small restaurant for dinner, and Naraku Akiko had joined them, "So, how do you kids like our little village?" Akiko asked cheerfully. "It's very beautiful here," Mizuki said, "And most of the people here are very nice." Akiko nodded, "Yes, but not all." She said quietly, "What about you, Zaku? This is your clan's village too, now." He smiled, "It's nice. It's a pretty place." She reached over and pinched his cheek, making him blush "You're so cute!" Kin giggled, "I know. He has to make up for his personality somehow." "Oh, he's not bad, are, you?" She turned and pinched Kin's cheek, "And you're adorable too! And such nice hair!" She stroked Kin's hair, "You'll have to give me some tips, as you can see," She ran a hand through her own hair, which was curly with a touch of gray, "I never could get mine long like that." Akira leaned forward, "So, have the trade council come into contact with the new Daimayo of Namigakure yet?" Akiko shook her head, "Not yet, we're waiting to see if they can stabilize the government first. From what I hear, Kisame-Sama is not much for ostentation, and Itachi is an Uchiha, so he's probably an Emo or Goth or whatever you kids call them nowadays . . . However, I hear Kisame-Sama has a girlfriend, and women usually like fine merchandise." Zaku grinned, "Not all Uchiha's are stuck-up creeps, you haven't met Uchiha Obito, he wears the brightest colors he can find and is always smiling." Eiji smiled, "Obito is nothing like any Uchiha I've ever met, he's nice, humble and funny. I think maybe he was adopted! I wish you could meet him, he's really a great guy." "I think I'd like to meet him one day." She turned to Kin, "That's a beautiful bracelet you're wearing." "Zaku bought it for me, he also bought these." She pulled back her hair to show off her earrings, "He can be sweet, sometimes." Zaku smirked, "It's hard to get Kin gifts, she's not that girly . . ." "Yeah, I'm not girly like you, Zaku." "Hahahaha . . ." He groaned. Eiji slung an arm around Zaku's shoulder, "Aw, you know you love him!" He ruffled the boy's hair, "_Everyone_ loves Zaku! Except for the people who don't love Zaku, and _they_ don't matter! Who needs 'em!" Everyone laughed, "Well put, Eiji! And we all love Kin too . . ." Eiji grinned, "Of course we do! Especially Zaku!" He nudged Zaku, "Isn't that right, _Lady-Killer?_" Zaku looked at him strangely, "Eiji, are you_ drunk_?" Everyone burst out laughing, "No! I'm high on the Youthful joys of family and life! Yosh!" "Oh my God! He's possessed by Rock Lee!"

Sasuke set another bag of bottles down, "Will this work?" Naruto laughed, "It will work! It'll be our biggest prank ever!" He looked over to where Team Terrible were emptying bottles into the sprayer, "Hey, Suigetsu, how come you're not frozen into solid ice?" Suigetsu grunted, "Body heat, I may be made of water, but it's hot water!" He looked up and grinned, "A lot of_ girls_ could tell you that!" Sasuke smiled, "Is _Karin_ one of them?" "HELL NO!" Nawaki walked over and picked up the next bag, "Where are Sakon and Ukon, anyway?" Suigetsu laughed, "They're off charming Shizune-San! I wonder what the hell she's thinking . . ." Konohamaru adjusted the sprayer, "We'll have to find a way to make sure this doesn't freeze up before morning. Why do we have to do this at night again?" "Because we don't want to get in trouble for getting this all over someone!"

As the sun rose, Tsunade looked around in disbelief, "This is original . . . You've really outdone yourselves this time, Team Terrible!"

Gai's team trudged through the snow on the road to Konoha, "Hey, at least it's not raining . . ." Dosu pointed out. "It's beautiful! Snow adds a dynamic look to everything! When we get back, I will have a Youthful snowball fight with Lee!" "When I get back, I'm taking a long, hot bath." Kara moaned, "First mud and now snow, what's next?" Dosu stopped and pointed at the snow-covered village, "That." The entire village of Konohagakure was covered in deep, dyed-orange snow . . .

To be continued...


	157. Chapter 158

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 168

"Ooooooh Sasuuuuke . . ." Sasuke froze, he'd forgotten that _She_ worked at the hospital, "Karin . . ." He turned to run but it was too late. She pushed him up against the wall, "You look good today, Sasuke, not that you don't always look good, you even look good as a bat!" Karin babbled mindlessly, "Why don't you wear that old outfit anymore? With the open shirt? That body's too beautiful to hide!" Sasuke looked around desperately for an escape path. "Karin, I'm not . . ." "Ooooh, poor Sasuke! Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah . . ." She picked him up and slung him over her shoulder. "I finally have you!" She cackled, then walked away, carrying the helpless Uchiha . . .

Kidoumaru grinned and leaned against the wall, "Why don't I walk you home, Babe?" "You can walk me home! I don't want to get lost in the snow either, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, you could get lost walking from your bed to your dresser!" He turned to Sakura, "What do you say? We can walk Whiskers there home, then I could take you home." Sakura giggled, "What about Sleepy?" She pointed at Shikamaru, who was fast asleep on the bed. "He'll sleep 'till morning. No need to bother him!" Sakura laughed, "I guess _I _could walk _you_ home, I am the _mature adult _here, after all . . . But you better take The Amazing Lazy-Bones too, I don't want Yoshino-San to get mad at you." Kidoumaru sighed and picked Shikamaru up, slinging him over his shoulder, "Alright, but call as soon as you get home, I don't want to spend the night checking snow banks for your body . . . It _is_ a nice body, and I like it _warm_ and _healthy_ . . ." He smirked at her, then turned to Naruto, "Hey, Whiskers! How would you like to stay over tonight? We can play games and stuff." Naruto grinned, "Okay, but I'm not kissing you, dattebayo!" "In your dreams, Fox-Boy!"

Danzo was overjoyed, he wasn't much given to emotion, but this was a special occasion, he was finally free of that broken prison of a body! Free to walk and run and fight. Even his arm was healed! He ran, jumping for joy, through the dimly-lit caverns. Suddenly he came across a man, a dark-skinned man with six arms like that mongrel filth Kidoumaru, who was standing beside a singularly ugly river of what looked to be crude oil. "Do you not know where you are?" Danzo looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?" "You're dead, this is hell." Danzo laughed, "Hell indeed! As if_ I_ would be placed in hell!" The man laughed in his face, a cruel laugh, "Your name is Danzo, isn't it? The founder of ROOT?" Danzo's eyes narrowed, "How do you know about ROOT?!" "I know many things. My name is Eiichiro, one of the Five High Priests of Jashin and a former member of Akatsuki." He nodded toward the river, "And this is The Black Slime That Devours." "Akatsuki!" Danzo moved to attack but the man was too fast for him, he swept him up and hurled him into the river. Danzo screamed as he felt his body dissolving, the world went black, then his tortured head rose to the surface of the black lake. "Well, Danzo, did you honestly believe a man like you would go to heaven?" A mocking voice seemed to come from all around him, "Now you are forever a part of me!" He could still feel his body being eaten away, even though it had already been destroyed. He could only feel pain, hear the screams of those around him, and scream . . .

"Dead?" Sai could barely grasp the concept, he was no stranger to the idea of human mortality, but Danzo had been the most powerful force in his life, how such a force could finally die . . . Suigetsu booed, "He didn't suffer enough!" Tsunade shrugged, "That's not for us to decide, Suigetsu." "He sure as hell didn't care about deciding to play God with Sai and ROOT! Speaking of hell," He grinned evilly, "I hope he's praying to be back in that useless body of his!" "Who's dead?" Sakon walked into the room, "Danzo-Sensei died last night." Sai said, smiling. Sakon grinned, "Good! He was worse than we ever were!" Tsunade felt a bit sick, seeing such rejoicing at the death of a fellow human being, twisted and vile though he was. Of course, she had celebrated when Orochimaru went to hell.

Naruto woke up stretched out in a strange bed, "What the hell!" He jumped up and looked around, he was in Kidoumaru's room, but the Spider-Nin was nowhere to be seen. "Keep it down in there, I'm tryin' to sleep!" Shikamaru's voice came from the other side of the wall. "You could sleep through a bombing raid, dattebayo!" There was no reply, he probably either had fallen asleep again or decided it was too troublesome to bother talking to the Knuckle-Headed Ninja. He suddenly noticed Kidoumaru, asleep in the corner, clutching an old teddy bear, "Oh man! I wish I had a camera!" Kidoumaru stirred and slowly opened his eyes, "Say one word, Whiskers, and I'll kill you." "Awwww! The Itsy-Bitsy Spider with his widdle teddy bear!" Naruto suddenly found his mouth webbed shut . . . "Mmmmmmmm! Grrrrrmmmmrrrrr!" Kidoumaru stood up and stretched, "Not a word about Bearington, alright?" Naruto nodded urgently, he needed his mouth to eat ramen! Kidoumaru pulled off the webbing, and Naruto rushed to the window, "Hey, everybody! Guess what Kidoumaru has! A ted . .. " A foot in his backside shut him up. "Owww! You didn't have to do that, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru smiled, "I know, but it felt good . . ." Naruto looked at the bed, "Sorry for taking your bed . . ." Kidoumaru shook his head, "I invited you over, it's my responsibility to see you're comfortable. I could have taken the couch, anyway. I just wanted to make sure you didn't steal my stuff or wet my bed." "I don't wet the bed, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru laughed, "I noticed you_ didn't_ say, 'I don't steal'!" He rubbed his hands together, "Now, I'm going to make breakfast!" "YES! I'm starving, dattebayo!" "You're always starving, dattebayo!"

Kankurou and Hana walked into his family's home, and found Temari and Gaara preparing for breakfast. "Hey. We wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight, jan. We don't get to spend enough time together." Temari grinned evilly, "Only if she lets you wear clothes while we're there, I don't want to see you naked!" Hana started giggling, Kankurou blushed and Gaara looked around in confusion. "What have you been telling them about me, Kitty?" Kankurou shook his head, "She thinks a lot of weird things about us, jan." Gaara smiled, "I think it would be an excellent idea to eat together. We are a _family_, after all." Both Kankurou and Temari smiled broadly, five years ago Gaara had said that he did not consider them his family and would kill them without thought, now . . . He was actually beginning to feel real affection for his siblings. "Yeah, we're a family." Kankurou put an arm around his brother, an act that would have been suicide in the past, "And we need to look out for each other, jan."

To be continued . . .


	158. Chapter 159

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 159

"I can't believe you'd be so irresponsible!" Anko was mad, and even Kakashi knew better than to upset Konoha's chief torturer. "What did I do?" "You've been giving those twin freaks dating advice! Don't deny it!" Kakashi shrugged, "So?" Anko's eyes narrowed, "They're monsters, vicious killers! And now they're dating Shizune!" Kakashi chuckled, "Is that right?" "This isn't a joke! They killed Ibiki's entire team! They can't be trusted!" Kakashi sighed, "Anko, imagine how you must look to the people you torture? If you went to Oto or Iwa or even Suna, you'd be labeled a monster . . ." "That's different!!" "How?" "Because I have to get information to protect Konoha!" "And the torturers in Oto tortured our people to get information to protect Oto from us. The only difference between those there and those here is where they were born." Anko hissed loudly, "You have a way of twisting everything, Kakashi. If they hurt Shizune, you'll see exactly how I do my job." Kakashi's eye narrowed, "Is that a threat?" "You'd better believe it." With that, Anko stormed out . . .

Dr. Masuda was sorely tempted to take up drinking. His practice had exploded with the arrival of the various Oto-Nin, and he didn't know how much more he could take. It started with poor Juugo, classic split-personality, save that his alternate personality was a super-powered, murderous demon who could barely be contained. Then came Sakon and Ukon, sociopathic, selfish, sadistic and suffering from the after affects of horrific abuse. He thought he'd never meet any children worse off than those two, until he met Kaguya Kimimaro. He'd seen his entire clan slaughtered, been raised a monster by a demon who abused him in every way possible, yet to whom he was so fanatically loyal that his death had destroyed completely Kimimaro's purpose in life. He would doubtless need close therapy for the rest of his life. And now, Kidoumaru. Who knew beneath that playful, smiling facade lurked such terrible pain and guilt? In order to survive and save his sanity he'd reduced life to a game and rejected reality. Add to that the fact that his parents had personally told him he deserved to die, and you have a ocean of inner turmoil threatening to capsize and destroy him. "If this keeps up," He said to himself, "_I'll_ need a therapist . . ."

"Hey, Kidoumaru?" Shikamaru stuck his head into the Spider-Nin's room, "What?" Shikamaru walked into the room. Kidoumaru was sitting cross-legged on the floor, reading. "How did it go, at the doctor's, I mean?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "Okay, I guess. I told him about my family and some of the things I've done, and he wanted to know how I think and look at things." Shikamaru sat directly across from him, "That sounds like what you'd expect from a therapist, did he say anything about you?" Kidoumaru sighed, "I'm obsessive-compulsive, I already knew that, and I've deluded myself and created a world that's a game to avoid facing how much reality sucks to avoid going crazy from guilt and grief, and we haven't even started on abandonment issues . . ." Shikamaru shook his head, "It's bad, but you can work through it, you've been through a lot of stuff I can't even imagine and survived, you came back from the dead for God's sake! You've got a lot of people who care about you, a girlfriend, a family . . ." "I know. I don't intend on giving up, I've got too much to lose now, too many people I don't want hurt. Before, it didn't matter, my life was just a game, but now I care, and I'm not gonna' quit." Shikamaru smiled, "I know you won't."

Mizuki and Iruka shook hands at the gates of Konoha, "See ya' 'Ruka, take care of yourself and keep an eye on those brats." Iruka nodded, "Remember, 'Zuki, you're welcome here any time you want." "Maybe some day, but I have responsibilities in Kusagakure for now, and one of them is waiting over there." He motioned in the direction of Zaku and Akira, who were sitting on Kurokaze, waiting to take him home. "I gotta' go before it gets too late, I don't know how well that summon works in the dark. Goodbye, 'Ruka." "Goodbye, 'Zuki." They hugged each other tightly. "Get a room you two!" Both men whirled around, "We're NOT gay, Windbag!" "Suuuuuuuuuuuuure!"

To be continued...


	159. Chapter 160

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 160

"A_ pen_? A #! Pen? They drug your #! All the way to #! _Ame_ to deliver a_ pen_?" Dosu laughed, "But it's a _Lucky_ Pen! Apparently Jiraiya's working on a book about a Puppet that comes to life . . ." Kidoumaru snorted, "He's been inspired by Maki, I take it." "Yeah, speaking of Maki, he said to tell everybody hi. Did you know he had to change the way he used his Chakra in order to become a Puppeteer? He's naturally a Water-Nin." "That's #! Impossible! Why would that #! Brat want to change how he #! Uses his #! Chakra, anyway?" Kidoumaru leaned back, "Because he's obsessed. I guess it would be possible, with enough control and strong enough Chakra reserves, but it would be incredibly difficult." Dosu shrugged, "He said he saw Kankurou-San practicing one day, and he thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen." Ukon laughed, "I bet he's so jealous of Hana . . ." Kidoumaru stretched, "He's a good kid, _crazy_, but a good kid. Speaking of romance, what's this I here about Sakon dating Shizune-san?" Sakon grinned, "Yeah, she's a fox!" "She must be #! Blind to date a #! Freak like you!" "I can't #! Believe any guy would be so #! Stupid as to date a violent little #! Like you!" The resulting torrent of curses caused everyone in the Barbeque Rack to blush and cover their ears. Jirobou covered his face in shame as the manager came over, only to be rebuffed by the incredible string of obscenities flowing from Tayuya and Ukon. And then _it_ happened, Jirobou _snapped_, "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Everyone turned to look at Jirobo in shock, "You are being rude and disturbing everyone in this restaraunt! Show some respect! Do you want us to get thrown out and banned? I am so _sick_ of you two acting like animals wherever we go! So just shut up and let everybody eat in peace!" The room was silent for a moment, then people started clapping . . .

Bang padded silently through the streets of Konoha, dodging pedestrians until he reached his accustomed spot, and she was waiting. "Hello, Tonton." "How are the plans progressing?" Bang hissed, "That Kakashi is on to me . . . He's not as stupid as he looks." Tonton grunted, "Shizune-San has been so distracted lately, I've been able to put many of our plans into action. Soon, we will rule Konoha, and the humans will serve us!" Hatake Kakashi awoke with a start, "I hate cats!" "Meow." Bang jumped on the bed and snuggled against him, "Why do you guys always go for the people that _don't_ like cats?" "Meow!"

Zaku stretched out in his warm bed, it was nice to be out of the cold. He'd endured many cold nights as a child, but now he was with people who seemed to truly care for him. It wasn't like with the Snake, these people actually showed him true affection. He smiled, _A family . . . Never thought I'd have a family again._ He heard someone opening the door to his room and sat up, "Eiji?" "I just wanted to check on you before I went to bed." Zaku huffed, "I'm fine, I'm not a baby." Eiji shrugged, "Still I. . ." He paused, "I'll see you in the morning." As he turned to leaved, Zaku smiled, "Thanks, Eiji . . . You make a good big brother." Eiji grinned, "And you make a great little . . . I mean _younger_ brother. Goodnight, Windbag." "Goodnight, Spider-Boy." He smiled and pulled the blankets around himself, feeling good inside again.

Eiichiro walked over to the bound Sannin, he wore a pack and carried his Holy Scythe on his back. "Hello, Snake. I just came to tell you I won't be able to torture you for a while, as I'm taking a walking tour of hell. There's just so much to see, and we do have eternity. I've always been a wanderer." Orochimaru spat in his face, "#! You!" "Now is that any way to talk to a man of god? Oh well, you'll be one of the first people I see when I get back." He smiled, "I'm sure the demons will take good care of you while I'm gone." He turned, then stopped, "Oh, and one last thing . . ." He closed his eyes and focused his mind intently, a few seconds later, Orochimaru screamed as his arms exploded. "Neat trick, huh?" With that Eiichiro turned and walked away from the screaming, agonized Sannin, whistling a happy tune.

Kidoumaru searched his pockets, "It's in here somewhere . . ." Sakura smiled, "It's not a wedding ring, is it?" Kidoumaru shook his head, "No, sorry, Babe, I'm still too young for that It _is_ a ring, though . . . Ah, here it is!" He pulled out a small box and opened it, revealing an elegant ring with the kanji for '_Love_' engraved on an emerald. "This means you're now a part of the New Akatsuki. Welcome to the team." She smiled and took it, "It looks expensive!" Kidoumaru shrugged, "You've got to use money for something, right? I never saw the point of guys like Kakuzu hoarding a fortune and never spending a dime." "So, who else is in the New Akatsuki?" Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head, "Well, I sent one to Zaku, it has the kanji for '_Wind'_ carved into it." "I sent one to Kin too, with the kanji '_Bells_' on it, I gave one to Dosu, it reads '_Sound_', and Jirobou's says '_Strength_.' Shikamaru had a few made too, he made one for Tayuya, it says '_Flute_'" "And what does your ring say?" He held up his hand with the ring, "A Shogi piece, the '_King_'. It used to be Sasori's ring, but when he died Obito-Sempai got it, and he gave it to me. Shikamaru's ring, the one he took from Hidan, reads '_Three_'." "Since Obito-San was possessed by Madara, the leader of Akatsuki, at the time, was there a hidden meaning in giving him a ring that read '_King_'?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "I wouldn't doubt it." Sakura hooked an arm around one of the boy's arms, "I think it needs a new name, _'New Akatsuki_' could have some bad connotations . . ."

Kankurou yawned and lay back in bed, "Hey, Hana, do you like it here, jan?" Hana put an arm around him, "Of course, Kitty, it's different, but it's nice. And Suna has some beautiful sunsets." She grinned wolfishly and started running her hands down his body, "And it has you." Kankurou yelped as her hands finally reached their goal, "H-Hana . . ." "We _are_ married, after all." "I-I'm just not . . . Used to being touched like that . . ." Hana laughed, "I should hope not! You're _my_ Kitty, and I'm not sharing you with anyone."

Kidoumaru stepped inside his house to find Shikamaru sprawled on the floor, with Tayuya sitting happily on his chest, "Yeah, that couch is a bit small, isn't it?" Tayuya nodded, "Right." "Kidoumaru, a little help here . . ." Kidoumaru laughed, "I learned a long time ago never to get on Tayuya's bad side. Of course, I never could _find_ her good side." "Stuff it, Spider-Butt!" Shikamaru reached up and pulled Tayuya down, kissing her on the lips, "You are cute, Tayuya . . ." Kidoumaru shook his head. _Tayuya was always scary, but romantic Tayuya is just sick!_

Sakon and Ukon stuck out their tongues at the furious interrogator, "What's the matter, jealous?" Anko was fuming, "If you lay a hand on Shizune . . ." "She's my girlfriend, not yours!" Sakon said, "And I'm not going to hurt her, you maybe, but not her . . ." "You two-headed freak-show! Give me an excuse to torture you to death!" "Burn in hell you ugly #!" Anko was shaking with rage, "I don't think she appreciated that, Ukon." "Oh, but she did _understand_, Sakon. And it's _true_, after all." Anko wanted to kill them, but Tsunade-Sama wouldn't be happy . . . She turned and stomped off.

"Hey, look at mine, it says; '_Wind!_" Zaku held up his new ring, "And the stone's a Tiger's-Eye, nice . . ." Kin looked at her ring, "It says '_Bells_' . . . What kind of stone do you think it is?" Zaku looked at it closely, "Amethyst." Eiji leaned forward, "I think he's right. Getting interested in geology, are we? I guess Kankurou's gift had an unexpected side-effect." Zaku grinned, "I never thought I'd ever say this, but rocks are cool!" Tomoe laughed, "Kin, you may be in love with a future jeweler." Zaku put his head on her shoulder, "But she's the best jewel of all." Kin gasped, "That really was romantic . . ." "What does your's say, Eiji?" Eiji smiled, "It's onyx, and it reads '_Family_'."

To be continued...


	160. Chapter 161

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 161

"The New Akatsuki, huh? Does that mean Kidoumaru wants to take over the world?" Zaku laughed, "I hope we don't have to wear ridiculous cloaks! Whose idiot idea was that, anyway, how can you be a secret organization when you dress like clowns in public?" Kin nodded, "A lot of things don't make sense, maybe Madara was the brain-damaged one." They headed down the streets toward the park, laughing. Suddenly, Zaku stopped dead in his tracks, and his face twisted with rage, "YOU!" The man he was looking at turned, then paled, "NO!" Zaku raised his palms and blasted the man into the wall of a nearby building, "YOU #!" He rushed over and began hitting the fallen man, "You trash! Remember how you used to beat me?! Now it's payback time!" The man covered his face with his arms, "No, please!" Zaku snarled, "How many times did I beg you for mercy?! And you beat me anyway! I was just a kid and you filth treated me like a dog!" The snow under the man began to turn red as Zaku mercilessly beat his former tormenter, "I was _starving_! You wouldn't give me _anything_, and when I stole food you_ beat_ me for it!" "Zaku, stop!" Kin pulled him back, "This trash isn't worth getting in trouble over!" Zaku pulled free, but he stopped beating the man, he just stood there, panting and glaring. "This trash was one of the dogs from my village who used to beat me! I was homeless and starving and he beat me for it!" "The man moaned and cowered against the wall, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" "No, you're just sorry I caught you!" "Zaku, let it go." Zaku turned to see Eiji behind him, as well as a large crowd of people, "You're right, he's trash and he _isn't_ sorry for what he did to you, I see only fear and hatred in his eyes, not remorse. But he isn't worth getting arrested over. Scum like that get their punishment in full when they die. He can't hurt you any more, and you're too good to defile your hands with that dirty blood." Zaku stood there silently, shaking with rage and the cold air, "You're right, he's not worth the effort." Eiji knelt over the man and began assessing his injuries, "You're not going to heal him!" Eiji shook his head, "No, I just want to make sure he'll live. I don't want you imprisoned for murder." He studied the injuries, "Six broken ribs, a broken nose, several broken teeth, a fractured eye socket, both arms broken . . . He'll live." He stood up and wiped his hands clean with fresh snow, "You're a Healer, help me!" Eiji turned, "You beat an innocent child for being hungry and homeless, and you expect pity? Sorry, I'm not _that_ nice . . ." A group of medics rushed past and began treating the man's injuries, as the police turned their attentions to Zaku.

Several hours of explanations and a few bribes later, Zaku was released into his adoptive parents' custody, "I know you have a lot of pain and rage, Zaku," Akira said, "But you have to learn to control your temper. I wasn't in your shoes, I don't know how it feels to be homeless and hungry and alone, beaten by worthless animals, so I can't judge you for what you did. But we have to help you control your temper better. If you had been alone, you probably would have killed that man." Zaku hung his head, "This is the second time I've disgraced you. You've been so kind to me, and I've been a brat." "You're not a bad kid, you're just . . . _Troubled_. You were treated like an animal by those filth in your village, and raised by a demon, it would be weird if you _didn't_ have any problems. Still, we can't have this keep happening. I'm going to talk to Doctor Daigoro in the morning, and we'll see about getting more help for your temper, alright?" Zaku nodded, "Yes, sir." Akira sighed, "You know In have to punish you for this, right?" Zaku cringed at the word 'punishment', he'd been punished many times in the past, brutally so. _Please, not my arms! Break anything but my arms!_ He pleaded in his mind. _But I did wrong, I dishonored my new clan, I deserve to be punished._ He set his jaw, accepting of what was to come. Akira shook his head, noticing the boy's change of demeanor, "I'm such an idiot! You probably think. . . listen, I don't mean I'm going to hurt you, I'm going to ground you for two weeks. It's better for you not to be out on the streets for a few days, anyway, until things die down." Zaku let out a sigh of relief, "Yes sir! Thank you . . ." Akira put an arm around the boy, "Like I said, we'll never do anything intentionally to hurt you. You don't have to be afraid, you're safe now." Zaku smiled, "I know."

To be continued . . .


	161. Chapter 162

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 162

"I don't believe it, dattebayo!" "I already told you, Naruto, that doesn't make any sense." Kidoumaru smiled, "I thought it would fit to give you a ring engraved with the kanji for '_Dattebayo_!'. Naruto admired his new ring, "So, what does the New Akatsuki do?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "We defend the innocent, fight evil and generally do good." "Sounds great! Who's the other ring for?" Kidoumaru laughed held out the other ring he was carrying, "Read the kanji and take a guess." "It says . . . '_Youth!_' It's Lee!" Kidoumaru grinned, "Dattebayo!"

"I know, how about '_The Brotherhood of the Rings_'?" "How about the #! '_Sisterhood of Satan_'?" Tayuya said mockingly, "'Cause Pinky and I ain't your brothers!" Kidoumaru moaned in frustration, finding a new name for The New Akatsuki was going to be difficult. "What about _'The Order of the Phoenix_'?"Jirobou suggested. Kidoumaru slammed his hand on the table, waking Shikamaru and making everyone else jump, "No _Harry Potter!_" He pulled himself together, "Sorry, Jirobou . . . I just don't like that brat." Lee jumped to his feet, "I have it! '_Team Youth_!'" Kidoumaru nodded, "Not bad." "How about _'Sonic Youth_'?" Shikamaru suggested, "I mean, with you being Oto-Nin . . ." Kidoumaru shook his head, "A nice name, but I think that's already the name of a band, and we don't want or need a copyright lawsuit."

The sound of shattering glass brought the scientist back into his laboratory, and what he saw sent him running back out in blind panic. The cloning tubes, the equipment, everything was being destroyed, but that was not the frightening thing. The destroyer was a tall, spectral figure with a hideous expression on its face. The Shinigami itself was taking action to preventing further attack against its authority as the god of death. It set fire to the lab before taking its angry path of destruction to the Mizukage's palace in Amegakure. No one was around to see the terrifying creature as it arrived and took out its rage upon the laboratory, breaking and burning everything. A pair of guards rushed down the stairs to investigate, only to see a hideous specter standing amidst the flames, rage in its every feature. Satisfied in its work, the Shinigami returned to its plane.

"Mizukage-Sama! The palace is on fire!" A servant rushed into Konan's office, startling the Paper Ninja. ""A fire?" She shuddered, being a Paper-Nin made her especially afraid of fire, "Evacuate the building!" Konan rushed outside, The staff and villagers were standing in the streets, staring as the palace began to burn to the ground. "You're alright! Thank God!" Jiraiya rushed over to Konan's side. "I saw it!" A terrified guard rushed over to the Mizukage, "I saw it! It was horrible! A demon! It set fire to the lab! I could see right through it!" Jiraiya nodded thoughtfully, "The Shinigami. I was wondering how long it would allow these resurrections to continue." The palace collapsed into itself, a flaming pile of wreckage. "I hope everyone got out . . ."

Eiichiro sat on an outcropping of rock, looking down at an oily black river, waiting for the next condemned soul, so he could see it again. Soon enough, the demons came, dragging a struggling villain behind them. They threw him on the bank of the river, and waited. The liquid near the victim began to coalesce and change, a long, skinny arm and clawed hand formed from the substance and dragged the screaming soul towards a newly formed mouth, and devoured him. Eiichiro pulled out a pen and notebook, and began writing beside an elaborate sketch of the river.

_The Black Slime That Devours, It can form limbs of various types, including arms and tentacles, claws and hands to drag victims into itself. It then absorbs them into it's own mass._

He smiled, _I can't believe I'm mapping out hell_. Since he'd left on his journey of exploration, he'd begun cataloging the sights and features, building a map. He wondered idly if anyone had done this before, surely the Oni would have mapped out their home. _Why do they choose to live in this place? Do they choose? Of course, the living world can be just as cruel as hell, perhaps they like it better here._

Several miles down the banks of The Black Slime That Devours, he found it's source. A lake of oily blackness, it's surface covered with the disembodied screaming faces of it's victims._ The source is a lake covered in the tortured faces of those absorbed by the Slime. There must be hundreds of faces in this being. I wonder what crimes one has to commit to be condemned to this punishment? It is a fascinating creature, I would like to learn if it is intelligent. Can it communicate? But I don't dare approach it, I have no desire of being absorbed into that creature. I shall ask one of the Oni._

He began sketching the lake and it's surroundings.

To be continued . . .


	162. Chapter 163

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 163

Eiji nervously ran his fingers through his hair, it was a bad idea coming here, but if he hadn't come, Zaku and Kin would have went anyway, and they would be alone. He looked over at them, Zaku was staring mutely at the filthy skeleton in the cage before them, a look of utter sadness and betrayal on his face. Kin's eyes gleamed with hate, an understandable emotion on seeing the corpse of the demon who'd murdered them. "I hope it was a_ slow_ death." Eiji said softly, "He deserved to suffer. Of course, the old Snake is in hell now." Zaku looked around at the deserted streets of what had once been Otogakure. It was night, and no one was visible nearby. "Kin, could you turn around for a minute?" Kin looked at Zaku, "Why would I . . ." Zaku blushed a little, "_Please_? And _no_ peeking." "Oh, alright . . ." Kin turned her back to them and began watching the street. As soon as she turned, Zaku unzipped his pants and began to relieve himself on Orochimaru's remains. "Zaku, are you . . . ?" "Yeah. I filled up on cola just for this!" Kin laughed. "I thought so."

Eiji smiled and respectfully looked up at the stars.

Itachi stood looking over the wreckage of the burned-out lab. The only witness to the cause of the conflagration had been taken to the mental hospital after being found cowering under a porch, mumbling about the Shinigami. Itachi happened to believe him, he'd seen a great deal of the 'impossible' and the supernatural over the past few years . . . "Hey, 'Tachi," Kisame smiled, "Did you hear about our competition?" Itachi looked at him in confusion, "Competition?" Kisame laughed, "Remember Kidoumaru? Well, he has Obito's ring, and Shikamaru has Hidan's ring, so they decided to start their own Akatsuki! They had a lot of new rings made up, and started picking members." Itachi scratched his chin, "I take it they're _not_ after the Kyuubi?" "No, they actually gave a ring to the Kyuubi Kid! He's on their team!" Itachi smiled, "Figures. Is Sasuke a member?" "Not that I know of."

Maki picked his way through the smoking debris of the Shinikage's Palace, helping look for anything salvageable. Most of what had survived was metal, now scrap metal. Everything else had been incinerated. Luckily, no one had died. Konan was upset, understandably, first her lover was killed, and now her palace was destroyed. He shook his head, it would take months to build a new palace, maybe even a year or more. _What a mess . . ._

Kakashi looked at the package uncertainly, he knew what it was, thanks to the Sharingan, but he didn't know how Sasuke would react, "Sasuke," He walked into the youngest Uchiha's room, "You have a package." he paused, "It's from Itachi." Sasuke jumped up from his desk, "Itachi?" Kakashi nodded, "Yeah, it's nothing dangerous. Do you want it?" Sasuke nodded and took the package, then slowly opened it. It was a small box, and inside was Itachi's Akatsuki ring., it's Kanji 'Suzaku'. There was also a note, and Sasuke picked it up numbly,

_I want you to have this, as you can probably put it to better use than I. I have so many things I wish I could say to you, but no words could ever atone for what I did. I know that Obito has told you the true reason for everything that has happened between us, but that does not change things, either. I do not blame you for hating me, as I hate myself as well, but I do love you, little brother._

"So, it is intelligent?" Eiichiro looked over at The Black Slime that Devours. The Oni nodded, "If it wasn't, we wouldn't be able to get near it either. It knows who to eat, and who not to." Eiichiro stroked his chin, "Where did it come from?" "It was always here, at least, as far as I know. Would you like to try to talk to it?" "Yes, I think I would like that . . ."

Kidoumaru examined the ring, "I didn't get you a ring for two reasons, _one_, I figured you wouldn't want one, and _two_, I ran out of money for this month. If you want in, that's fine with me." He handed the ring back to Sasuke, who slipped it on. "So, what do we do?" Kidoumaru laughed, "We wear rings, hang out and look cool! Seriously though, we help people. If we someone who needs help, then we do it." Sasuke nodded, "The total opposite of Akatsuki. Who's the leader? You?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "I guess. Welcome aboard, Bro!"

"So, where were you kids last night?" "We went to Oto and mocked the Snake's corpse." Eiji replied without missing a beat, "It was getting a measure of closure." Akira's eyebrow shot up, "You went to Otogakure!" Zaku nodded, "And I pissed on the creep's bones." Akira's eyes widened, then he started laughing, "You . . . You actually . . ." He shook his head, trying to regain his composure. "I'm disappointed in you, Eiji. You're the mature one, they're your responsibility. If you kids had been hurt or captured . . ." "But that's the only reason he came, so we wouldn't go alone!" Kin objected, and Zaku nodded. "Still, you are my responsibility as the oldest." Eiji shrugged, "I thought it would make them feel better, to see that he is, truly, dead." "I know, but you should have come to us, worked out something . . . At least nothing bad happened, but next time you kids have travel ideas, _ask _us first."

To be continued . . .


	163. Chapter 164

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 164

"I can't believe that _you're_ a feared ninja!" Shikamaru leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, smirking, as Kidoumaru was making dinner. Kidoumaru grunted, "I can't believe you survived that battle with Tayuya long enough for Temari to save your butt, a lazy guy like you would probably just lay down and let her kill him." Shikamaru yawned and laced his fingers behind his head, "She got in some good shots." Kidoumaru laughed, "I don't think she was_ really_ trying to kill you. From what I hear, you were the only brat who didn't have to be hospitalized!" Shikamaru frowned, "I don't think that's funny. I was the only one on my team, the team I lead into danger, to get out without any kind of serious injury. If anything, I should have been hurt worst of all." Kidoumaru stopped, "I'm sorry... At least your team survived. You did a much better job than I did . . ." Shikamaru looked away, "It wasn't your fault, we got lucky, plus, we had help. Orochimaru left you guys on your own." "It doesn't matter, we were trained to deal with a lot worse than a couple of Konoha Genin and one Chuunin. I don't know what the hell happened, especially after I died, but I keep looking back and seeing all sorts of mistakes leading up my fight with Neji. The biggest mistake, the thing that killed us all, was my arrogance. I thought we couldn't lose against a bunch of Konoha weaklings, I underestimated you guys, and we all died because of it . . ." Shikamaru shook his head and sat down, "It wasn't that, you had no way of knowing the Suna gang was going to show up, and apparently Kabuto didn't warn you guys of what we were capable of." "That doesn't matter either, I dropped my guard. I failed my team." Shikamaru stood up, "You made a few mistakes, would it have changed anything to have done it differently? I doubt it. Even the best ninja get screwed by bad luck. You guys are all alive now, your making new lives for yourself. And you're helping them more than anyone else here. Plus, you're the one they all look up to. They see you succeed and they know it's possible." Kidoumaru turned and checked the stew pot, "It's harder to forgive yourself than it is to forgive others, right, Shikamaru? We're each sitting here telling the other not to blame himself for what happened to our teams, and yet neither of us can stop dwelling on our own mistakes. It would be funny if it wasn't so painful." Shikamaru sighed and walked over to the stove, looking into the pot, "Have you told Dr. Masuda about this?" "Yeah, he says I'm being too hard on myself." He started getting out bowls, "Hey, lazy, if it's not too troublesome, could you turn that down to 'simmer'? It's done." Shikamaru laughed, "I hate to say this, I really hate to say this, but you _are_ a good cook!" He moved back to let Kidoumaru over, "So, who else have you added to our little team?" Kidoumaru grinned, "Well, I have several people I want to give rings. I'd like to give one to Kai, but his parents would kill us both, I have one for Sousuke, it says '_Earth_', I sent one to Kankurou, it says, '_Puppet Master_', and I sent one to Maki that says '_Puppeteer_'. I'm thinking of something like '_One_' or maybe '_Twin_' for the Creep Twins, '_Artist_' for Sai, I have no idea what to get Obito . . .' Shikamaru shook his head, "Is everyone going to be in our group?" "Maybe . . . But I don't have that much money . . . What about you?" "I made one for Chouji when he gets back from his mission, It says '_Friendship_'." "That fits pretty well, doesn't it? He's probably the best friend you've ever had, outside of Asuma-San." They were interrupted by a yawn and dragging footsteps, "Man, that smells good!" Shikato gravitated over to the pot, "Looks good too, you cook better than Yoshino!" "I doubt it!" Kidoumaru said hurriedly. "She's right behind me, isn't she?" "Yeah." Yoshino kicked the lazy bum in the butt.

A long, black, slick neck rose from the oily river, a jet-black face forming at the end, "I have been here since the beginning. This was my world before the Oni, before it was made into hell." Eiichiro bowed respectfully, "Does our presence bother you?" "No. It provides me with such delicious meals." It laughed darkly, "You saw my little lake? You've seen me feed on the condemned? But I also feed on emotion, any emotion, but pain and anguish are the most exquisite." It's eyes narrowed slightly, "You have no pain, no sensation at all. It is odd . . . But not unheard of, even among humans." "What was this place before it was hell?" The Black Slime That Devours seemed to consider for a moment, "Just another plane, all but empty. I have spawned many times, entire races have sprung from this darkness, some types of Oni are my children. . . And then Shinigami came, looking for a home for the evil dead." It chuckled, "So we made an arraignment. I got the better bargain, for tolerating a few wretched, condemned souls, I am fed forever." Eiichiro was fascinated,_ A being older than hell itself . . . Perhaps I will stay here a little longer . . ._

Konan saw something odd from the corner of her eye, "Maki, what is that on your finger?" Maki held out his hand, revealing a ring engraved with the kanji for '_Puppeteer_'. "Kidoumaru-San sent it to me. It's from his new group, jan." Konan looked at her own ring, her Akatsuki ring, was engraved with the kanji for '_White_'. "What does he call this group?" Maki hesitated for a moment, "He said he was going to change it, but for now, it's New Akatsuki." Konan shook her head, "What is that boy thinking?" Jiraiya walked up "He's probably thinking that since he and Shikamaru both have Akatsuki rings, and obviously wouldn't join the real Akatsuki, they'll just make their own." "He's crazy . . . Be careful who sees that ring, kid, I don't think everyone will appreciate the symbolism."

Eiji looked up at the sound of knocking at his bedroom door, "Come in." Zaku and Kin stepped into the room, looking guilty. "I'm sorry we got you in trouble," Zaku said, looking at his feet, "I guess we were being selfish." Eiji smiled, "Don't worry about it. I'm glad we were able to go, maybe it will help you some, being able to see that monster is really dead." He thought for a moment, "He won't be able to come back, you know. Not the way you were brought back, anyway. It doesn't work on those as evil as he is, the Shinigami wouldn't allow it. I'm surprised that Kakuzu was able to come back, I guess he isn't as evil as his reputation makes him out to be." "I doubt they could even try to bring the Snake back now, I heard the labs were all destroyed." Eiji looked up in curiosity, "The labs were destroyed?" Kin leaned back against the wall, "The Mizukage's palace burnt down, and the lab in Namigakure went up too. You hadn't heard about it?" "No, was anyone hurt?" "I don't think so. Nobody's said anything about anyone getting hurt, but they said one guy lost his mind." Zaku nodded, "They said some people saw the Shinigami itself trashing the place!" Eiji shook his head, "They probably did see it, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. But I'm glad so many people got to have another chance." Zaku laughed, "I did learn one thing from my past life, never call Chouji '_Fatty_'!" Eiji yawned, "Oh, yeah. Zaku, remember, your grounding starts tomorrow. Don't worry, we'll probably all be stuck here with you."

To be continued . . .


	164. Chapter 165

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 165

Naruto stepped back to let Kidoumaru into his apartment, "Hey, Kit, how's it going?" Naruto shrugged, "Same as always." He smiled, "Do you want some tea or coffee or hot chocolate?" Kidoumaru grinned widely, "Tea or chocolate's fine, thanks. Last time I had coffee I didn't sleep for two days." "Sit down, I'll fix it up for you." "Hey, Naruto, I just came by to see how you're doing, I mean, I know you live alone and I thought you might want some company." Naruto grinned widely, "Thanks. It does get boring be all alone sometimes, dattebayo." Kidoumaru sat back on the couch and laced his fingers behind his head, "I was also wondering if you might want to eat dinner with us tonight. We'd be happy to have you." Naruto handed him a mug of hot chocolate, "Is that all right with your family?" "Of course!" Kidoumaru thought for a moment, _No, they couldn't have been a part of that trash that mistreated him . . . They're good people . . . And they didn't seem upset when I asked . . ._ "Are you alright, Kido?" Kidoumaru shook his head, "Yeah, sorry, just distracted. So, what do you say?" "I'd love to, dattebayo!" "I'm ready when you are, just let me finish my drink." Naruto rushed to get his coat, "I have to get dressed, this cold is a real killer . . ." Kidoumaru gazed thoughtfully into his tea, _There are so many kind people in this village, yet, Naruto had to live in the streets, hated and mistreated . . . How do you reconcile that? Where were all the good people when he needed them? Other than Iruka, was there anyone who was kind to him?_ He shook his head again, "You don't have to worry about being cold long, we're having spicy beef, and you'll be sweating when we're done, I promise you that . . . You don't mind spicy food, do you?" Naruto called from somewhere in the back, "I love spicy food, dattebayo!" He came out, grinning, wearing a thick orange jacket, cap and mittens. "Oh man!" Kidoumaru shielded his eyes, "When that get-up reflects off the snow, the whole village will go up in flames!"

Obito and Rin sat before a warm fireplace, talking. Sasuke was upstairs, and Kakashi was so engrossed in his porn that he wouldn't notice if a meteor hit the house. "So, Obito put the oil all over the floor, and waited. Hidan came in, and stepped right in! He slid across the room and crashed into the wall! He started using terrible language, worse than usual, and tried to killed Obito with his scythe, but he slipped and fell again as Obito ran away!" Rin laughed, "You were the terror of Akatsuki, weren't you!?" She smiled, "There's one thing I don't understand, though, I'll understand if you don't want to answer questions about _him_, but why did Madara join the Akatsuki as Tobi, when he was already the _leader _of Akatsuki? Why become his own subordinate?" Obito thought for a moment, 'Because he was an idiot. Seriously, though, he wanted to keep an eye on everyone and hide his identity as leader, so he made Pein the false leader and pretended to serve him, to throw off suspicion. He didn't trust anyone. People who can't be trusted usually don't trust others, because they know what _they_ would do in the other's situation" Kakashi went to answer a knock at the door, then came back in, smiling, with Tsunade. "Obito," She began, "An eye has just become available for transplant . . ."

"You know what you said before, about how everyone will respect you one day?" Naruto nodded, "Yeah?" Kidoumaru rubbed his gloved hands together, "It's here, man. Sure, there will always be a few idiots that don't appreciate you, but that just shows you're not trash like they are, everyone else can see what a great guy you are." Naruto grinned, "Thanks. People seem to like you a lot more now, too." Kidoumaru laughed and kicked at the snow, "What can I say? I'm a likable guy!" Naruto laughed, "Ya' know, at first, I was pretty jealous, how Sakura fell for you like that . . . And a little worried, I mean, you did try to _kill_ us five years ago . . . But you make her happy, and you're a nice guy. I'm glad she ended up with you instead of someone else." Kidoumaru sighed, "I can't believe it, ya' know. A girl like Sakura falling for a freak like me, I never thought it was possible. She's an incredible woman . . ." "Yeah, she is. And you're not a freak. You're just a person who looks different than a lot of other people, that doesn't make you a freak, that makes you _unique_!" Kidoumaru shook his head, "You have such a great view of the world, so . . . _Optimistic_. You'll make a great Hokage, I know it. Hey, here's the house, let's get out of this icebox!"

Kidoumaru ushered Naruto into the house, and laughed as the whiskered-ninja's nose twitched as he sniffed the spicy scent of food in the air. "You are hungry, aren't you?!" "Dattebayo!" Yoshino stuck her smiling head out of the kitchen as the boys took off their coats, "Hello Naruto, that lazy husband of mine is late, but we can eat without him." "The Troublesome Old Man is drunk again . . ." Shikamaru said as they took their seats and Yoshino began setting out the bowls of spicy beef. "That smells great, Yoshino-San!" "Why thank you, Naruto!" Yoshino smiled and sat down to dinner. "Hey, where's mine?" Shikato walked into the room, blinking in the bright light. "Get it yourself you lazy drunk! If you can get your own booze, you can feed yourself too! Do you realize what a terrible example your setting for our kids? And with _guests_ here, no less!" Shikato shrank back and skulked out of the room . . .

"Well, it's time." Tsunade smiled nervously at Obito, who was lying in a hospital bed, ready for the transplant. Rin leaned over and kissed him, "I'll be waiting for you." Kakashi grinned and took his hand, "After this maybe you'll actually be able to see straight, Crybaby." "Stuff it, you big jerk!" Obito grinned. Sasuke smiled at the exchange, "You really are a lot like Naruto, or he's a lot like you." Obito nodded as they started to put anesthetic mask over his face, "Dattebayo . . ." They stood by as he fell into sleep, and watched as he was wheeled away into the surgical area. Kakashi smiled, He'd offered Obito his eye back, but the stubborn Uchiha didn't want to take back his gift._ 'Now we both have one Sharingan, one regular eye'_, he'd said, _'Besides you big idiot, what would you do without it? You'd get slaughtered!'_

To be continued . . .


	165. Chapter 166

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 166

Kakashi paced nervously in the hospital waiting room, "I wonder what's taking them so long? You were a lot faster when you gave me his eye." Rin shrugged, "That was a long time ago. Obito has a lot of old scarring in his eye socket, they probably have to remove some of it, the scar tissue, I mean." They both turned eagerly as Tsunade walked out of the surgical room, "Everything went well, but he's still sedated. It will be a few minutes before he wakes up." Kakashi grinned widely, "Can we see him now?" "Once he wakes up."

Tomoe looked out the window at the falling snow, "Akira?" "Yes?" She took a deep breath, "Will that animal press charges?" Akira smiled, "No. I did a little digging and found out he's wanted for robbery in Iwagakure. I pointed that out to the police, and they contacted Iwa. He'll have a hard time filing charges against Zaku from his jail cell." She sighed, Akira had a way of dealing with problems . . . "We got lucky this time." Akira nodded gravely, Zaku was a good kid, but he had a bad temper and vengeful streak, not surprising after everything he'd been through. Still, it was _not_ helpful . . . "He'll get better at civilian life. He was trained for years to kill without mercy, so naturally his first response to the sight of an old enemy is to try to kill him. This is the second time, and both times he held back and spared their lives, even though he had reason to kill." Tomoe smiled, "I know, I'm just afraid someone will drive him too far, and he'll end up in some awful cell somewhere . . . I don't want him to have to suffer anymore." "Don't worry about Zak," Akira smiled, "He's a good kid, and he's smart enough to dispose of the bodies." "That's not funny!" Tomoe laughed despite herself "You're a terrible person . . ." Akira stepped over to the window and looked out, "We have to protect him from animals like that filth, so that he isn't put in such a situation again. And I have faith in him, he's doing everything to change . . . But it will be hard for him." Tomoe kissed him softly, "He's a strong boy, he'll get through this . . . Especially now that he has a family to help him." "I _will _do better." Zaku said softly, walking into the room, "I'll make you proud, I _swear_ it!" Akira grinned and put an arm around him, "I know you will. And we're already proud of you . . ."

Kidoumaru listened intently to the news over the phone, "Really? Right now! Why didn't some . . . I'll be right there!" He hung up and turned to everyone, "Obito's getting a new eye! Has got one, actually, he's in recovery now! I'm going down to the hospital, anyone want to come with me?" He began to put on his jacket and arm-warmers. "He probably doesn't need too much excitement right now, so soon after surgery," Yoshino said, "We'll go visit him in the morning. You kids can go if you want." "I'm going, dattebayo!" Naruto jumped up and grabbed his coat and mittens, "What about you, Shikamaru?" Shikamaru stood up and moaned, "Alright. The cold is troublesome, but he is a friend . . ."

Sakura was waiting as they walked through the hospital doors, "Hey, Pretty Boy." Kidoumaru grinned, "Hey, Babe. It's cold outside, but you're warming me up!" He grabbed her, pulled her close and kissed her passionately in front of everyone. "Mmmmmmm . . . Cherry . . ." Sakura blushed deeply and straightened her hair. "WOW! I mean . . . W-well . . . Obito's awake and in room five, he'll be happy to see you . . ." Kidoumaru could hear Naruto breathing heavily behind them,_ Maybe he's not completely over Sakura? I couldn't blame him . . . Of course,, as he trained under Kakashi-Sensei and Jiraiya the Super-Pervert, he's probably also a voyeur excited to see two people kissing . . ._ He found his eyes watching Sakura's rear as she walked ahead of them, _Oh man! Don't look, don't look . . . respect her body... Respect . . ._ He started scratching the back of his head and trying not to look, _Man that's a fine little . . ._ "Here he is." Sakura turned slightly, "Kidoumaru, are you alright, you look pale?" "Y'yes, I was just . . . Uhm . . ." He rushed into the room, "Hey, Obito-Sempai!" Sakura shook her head, "What's with him?" _He was staring at our butt!_ Inner Sakura giggled, _Hey, it's not like we don't look at his . . ._

Obito lay in his hospital bed, surrounded by friends. His formerly missing eye was bandaged, so they couldn't see what work had been done, it still needed a little time to heal before being used. Obito grinned, "Kidoumaru! Obito is glad to see you!" Kidoumaru leaned over him and examined his face, "I'm glad I could come. So, what color is the new eye? Did they tell you?" "Black, just like Obito's old eye. But this eye won't have Sharingan . . . But who needs it? If an _idiot_ like Kakashi can make good with one Sharingan, so can Obito!" Kakashi growled in mock anger, "Who are you calling an idiot, Cry Baby?" "You, idiot!" Rin covered her face, laughing, "You guys never change, do you? It's just like when we were twelve!" "Hey, you don't mess with perfection!" Everyone started laughing.

To be continued . . .


	166. Chapter 167

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 167

Eiji walked into the house, carrying a medium-sized, hardcover book, and walked into the living room, where Zaku and Kin were sitting. "I found it. Are you sure you want to see this? I mean, you already have an idea what they looked like . . ." Kin nodded, "Yeah, we want to see them." Eiji sighed and handed Kin the book, which was book marked in two places. Zaku leaned forward as Kin opened to the first book mark. It was a picture of the Shodaime Hokage of Konohagakure. "So, that's the guy . . ." Zaku shuddered slightly, when Orochimaru had sacrificed Zaku and Kin, it was too bring back to life, under his control, the Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages. Zaku examined the image of the man he'd been killed to resurrect. He was a thin-faced, dark-haired, handsome man wearing deep red armor. "Another victim of the Snake." He said quietly, "Poor dope was happily dead until that pig brought him back as a slave, and now he's trapped forever by the Shinigami . . ." Zaku felt sorry for the man, for both men, after lifetimes of serving their village and decades of being dead, they had been brought back as mind-controlled enemies of Konoha and were condemned forever for Orochimaru's sins, not their own. It was a terrible thought. Kin slowly turned to the next book mark, the Nidaime. Tall, well-muscled and handsome, with a mane of snow white hair and blue facial tattoos, he was wearing deep-blue appearance gave the suggestion of cold and snow . . . Kin sighed, "He doesn't look as much like his statue as the other guy." She said softly. Eiji walked over and sat down between them, throwing his arms around their shoulders, "You know that neither of these men would have willingly participated in such a thing. The jutsu was too powerful, they didn't have any choice. That's why such demonic acts are forbidden, the rob the living of life and the dead of peace." "I know." Zaku spoke with a tired voice, "Like I said, they were just more victims." Kin closed the book. "Thanks. I wanted to see this. We got off a lot easier than they did, life's funny like that, isn't it?" "Yeah, I guess so. But I think you two needed a second chance more . . ."

It took a few minutes for Kidoumaru to find his lazy adoptive brother, Shikamaru was fast asleep on an empty hospital bed. Kidoumaru shook his head and lifted the sleeping ninja, slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Shikamaru didn't bat an eyelid. "You know," Kidoumaru said, "It would be _so_ easy for someone to _kidnap_ your lazy butt." "We can only hope . . ." Kidoumaru turned his head slightly to see Sakura standing behind him, grinning. Kidoumaru grinned right back , "Mmmm . . . Careful, you're so pretty someone might kidnap you." "Oh really?" Kidoumaru set Shikamaru back on the bed, "Yeah." He picked Sakura up and slung her over his shoulder, "So_ I'm_ kidnaping you first!" Sakura laughed and grabbed his backside, "Now who has who?!" Kidoumaru's eyes widened, then he grabbed her rear, "I have you, Babe!" "No fair, you have more hands!" "Them's the breaks, Babe." Kidoumaru grinned and set her back down, then kissed her on the lips, "Mmmmmm, my beautiful Cherry Blossom." "Oh, my stomach, dattebayo!" Naruto stood in the doorway, looking disgusted, "Get a room!" "We're in a room, you idiot!"

_I knew I'd have to suffer for the sake of my village, but this is just wrong!_ Kankurou moaned and leaned back in his chair. "Is something wrong, Kankurou-San?" Kankurou looked over at Baki, who was on the verge of laughter, "This work as a member of the council may not be exciting, but it is both necessary and worthwhile." Gaara leaned forward and smiled, "It bores me too. At least you don't come home to mountains of paperwork every day." The Kazekage sat up straight and began rifling through his papers, "Now, we were debating the merits of installing a train station and railway system linking Sunagakure and Konohagakure. It seems there are no objections? Alright, the plan is officially authorized by the Council of Sunagakure." "I would like to make a proposition, jan." Kankurou leaned forward with this elbows on the stone table, "I think we should finally see about installing inter-village telephone lines. It would really speed up communications, and as we've seen in the past, every minute counts, jan." Baki smiled, _Kankurou, being responsible?_ "I second the motion." It was unanimous. Gaara stood, "Very well, I shall have a proposition drawn up, to see if it's feasible. I have no doubt it is, still, I must make sure we have the funds, not to mention permission from Tsunade-Sama. This meeting is adjourned." Kankurou jumped to his feet and stretched like a big black cat._ Thank God! I'm free!_ He hurried to leave, "Kankurou, wait." He turned to see what Gaara wanted, "Yes?" "I was wondering where you got ring." Kankurou held up his hand to show his brother, "It was a gift from Kidoumaru. He's starting some club, and he sent me this, jan." Gaara squinted, "It says . . . _Puppetmaster_ . . ." "Yeah. It's based on the Akatsuki rings, but has nothing to do with Akatsuki, jan . . ." Gaara cocked his head, "Both Shikamaru and Kidoumaru have original Akatsuki rings, don't they?" "Shikamaru has that crazy what's-his-face's ring, you know, the priest." "Hidan?" "Yeah, that's it! And Kidoumaru has the ring that used to belong to Sasori, then Obito got it as Tobi, and gave the ring to Kidoumaru after he left Akatsuki, jan . . ." Gaara nodded, "What is he trying to do?" "I have no idea, jan."

Eiichiro watched in fascination as a disturbance formed on the surface of The Black Slime that Devours. The liquid took shape and consistency in the form of small, winged spider-like creatures, which then separated from the oily surface and flew away. "More of your Spawn . . ." "Yes. They are not all of such shape or size, some are smaller than the human eye can see, others are larger than the largest Oni." Eiichiro began to write again. "Would you like to know where my children are going?" The Slime bubbled with laughter, "That one you told me of, Orochimaru, was it? They will bite and sting him until he prays for oblivion, and I shall see it all through their eyes! I can show you, if you wish . . ." Eiichiro began laughing as well, "I think I'd like that."

To be continued . . .


	167. Chapter 168

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 168

"Ooooooh Sasuuuuke . . ." Sasuke froze, he'd forgotten that _She_ worked at the hospital, "Karin . . ." He turned to run but it was too late. She pushed him up against the wall, "You look good today, Sasuke, not that you don't always look good, you even look good as a bat!" Karin babbled mindlessly, "Why don't you wear that old outfit anymore? With the open shirt? That body's too beautiful to hide!" Sasuke looked around desperately for an escape path. "Karin, I'm not . . ." "Ooooh, poor Sasuke! Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah . . ." She picked him up and slung him over her shoulder. "I finally have you!" She cackled, then walked away, carrying the helpless Uchiha . . .

Kidoumaru grinned and leaned against the wall, "Why don't I walk you home, Babe?" "You can walk me home! I don't want to get lost in the snow either, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, you could get lost walking from your bed to your dresser!" He turned to Sakura, "What do you say? We can walk Whiskers there home, then I could take you home." Sakura giggled, "What about Sleepy?" She pointed at Shikamaru, who was fast asleep on the bed. "He'll sleep 'till morning. No need to bother him!" Sakura laughed, "I guess _I _could walk _you_ home, I am the _mature adult _here, after all . . . But you better take The Amazing Lazy-Bones too, I don't want Yoshino-San to get mad at you." Kidoumaru sighed and picked Shikamaru up, slinging him over his shoulder, "Alright, but call as soon as you get home, I don't want to spend the night checking snow banks for your body . . . It _is_ a nice body, and I like it _warm_ and _healthy_ . . ." He smirked at her, then turned to Naruto, "Hey, Whiskers! How would you like to stay over tonight? We can play games and stuff." Naruto grinned, "Okay, but I'm not kissing you, dattebayo!" "In your dreams, Fox-Boy!"

Danzo was overjoyed, he wasn't much given to emotion, but this was a special occasion, he was finally free of that broken prison of a body! Free to walk and run and fight. Even his arm was healed! He ran, jumping for joy, through the dimly-lit caverns. Suddenly he came across a man, a man with six arms like that mongrel filth Kidoumaru, who was standing beside a singularly ugly river of what looked to be crude oil. "Do you not know where you are?" Danzo looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?" "You're dead, this is hell." Danzo laughed, "Hell indeed! As if_ I_ would be placed in hell!" The man laughed in his face, a cruel laugh, "Your name is Danzo, isn't it? The founder of ROOT?" Danzo's eyes narrowed, "How do you know about ROOT?!" "I know many things. My name is Eiichiro, one of the Five High Priests of Jashin and a former member of Akatsuki." He nodded toward the river, "And this is The Black Slime That Devours." "Akatsuki!" Danzo moved to attack but the man was too fast for him, he swept him up and hurled him into the river. Danzo screamed as he felt his body dissolving, the world went black, then his tortured head rose to the surface of the black lake. "Well, Danzo, did you honestly believe a man like you would go to heaven?" A mocking voice seemed to come from all around him, "Now you are forever a part of me!" He could still feel his body being eaten away, even though it had already been destroyed. He could only feel pain, hear the screams of those around him, and scream . . .

"Dead?" Sai could barely grasp the concept, he was no stranger to the idea of human mortality, but Danzo had been the most powerful force in his life, how such a force could finally die . . . Suigetsu booed, "He didn't suffer enough!" Tsunade shrugged, "That's not for us to decide, Suigetsu." "He sure as hell didn't care about deciding to play God with Sai and ROOT! Speaking of hell," He grinned evilly, "I hope he's praying to be back in that useless body of his!" "Who's dead?" Sakon walked into the room, "Danzo-Sensei died last night." Sai said, smiling. Sakon grinned, "Good! He was worse than we ever were!" Tsunade felt a bit sick, seeing such rejoicing at the death of a fellow human being, twisted and vile though he was. Of course, she had celebrated when Orochimaru went to hell.

Naruto woke up stretched out in a strange bed, "What the hell!" He jumped up and looked around, he was in Kidoumaru's room, but the Spider-Nin was nowhere to be seen. "Keep it down in there, I'm tryin' to sleep!" Shikamaru's voice came from the other side of the wall. "You could sleep through a bombing raid, dattebayo!" There was no reply, he probably either had fallen asleep again or decided it was too troublesome to bother talking to the Knuckle-Headed Ninja. He suddenly noticed Kidoumaru, asleep in the corner, clutching an old teddy bear, "Oh man! I wish I had a camera!" Kidoumaru stirred and slowly opened his eyes, "Say one word, Whiskers, and I'll kill you." "Awwww! The Itsy-Bitsy Spider with his widdle teddy bear!" Naruto suddenly found his mouth webbed shut . . . "Mmmmmmmm! Grrrrrmmmmrrrrr!" Kidoumaru stood up and stretched, "Not a word about Bearington, alright?" Naruto nodded urgently, he needed his mouth to eat ramen! Kidoumaru pulled off the webbing, and Naruto rushed to the window, "Hey, everybody! Guess what Kidoumaru has! A ted . .. " A foot in his backside shut him up. "Owww! You didn't have to do that, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru smiled, "I know, but it felt good . . ." Naruto looked at the bed, "Sorry for taking your bed . . ." Kidoumaru shook his head, "I invited you over, it's my responsibility to see you're comfortable. I could have taken the couch, anyway. I just wanted to make sure you didn't steal my stuff or wet my bed." "I don't wet the bed, dattebayo!" Kidoumaru laughed, "I noticed you didn't say, 'I don't steal'!" He rubbed his hands together, "Now, I'm going to make breakfast!" "YES! I'm starving, dattebayo!" "You're always starving, dattebayo!"

Kankurou and Hana walked into his family's home, and found Temari and Gaara preparing for breakfast. "Hey. We wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight, jan. We don't get to spend enough time together." Temari grinned evilly, "Only if she lets you wear clothes while we're there, I don't want to see you naked!" Hana started giggling, Kankurou blushed and Gaara looked around in confusion. "What have you been telling them about me, Kitty?" Kankurou shook his head, "She thinks a lot of weird things about us, jan." Gaara smiled, "I think it would be an excellent idea to eat together. We are a _family_, after all." Both Kankurou and Temari smiled broadly, five years ago Gaara had said that he did not consider them his family and would kill them without thought, now . . . He was actually beginning to feel real affection for his siblings. "Yeah, we're a family." Kankurou put an arm around his brother, an act that would have been suicide in the past, "And we need to look out for each other, jan."

To be continued . . .


	168. Chapter 169

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 169

The snow had been replaced by a biting sleet, and suddenly Zaku didn't see being grounded as such a bad thing, he certainly didn't want to be out in that kind of weather, he'd experienced enough of it while homeless . . . The house was warm and dry, and he felt a bit guilty, being in such comfort when who knows how many other kids weren't so lucky. "It sure is ugly out there." Kin moved beside him. "Yeah, it is. How did we get so lucky? There are a lot of people better than us . . ." He paused and caught himself, "I mean better than _me!_" Kin nodded, "I know what you mean. It's weird, having people treat us so well after everything that we've been through, and people caring, even though they know what kind of things we've done . . ." Zaku thought for a moment of some of the things he'd done under Orochimaru's leadership, he'd taken a number of lives without mercy, and tried to take many more, including that girl who was now Kidoumaru's girlfriend. Worse, he and Dosu had, without hesitation, attempted to kill Kin, their own teammate, when that Yamanaka girl took over her body. He sighed, "I'm sorry about what we did to you, in the forest. I was a creep and I didn't care about anything but myself and pleasing that freak . . ." Kin smiled, "An Apology?! Are you sure you're_ really_ Abumi Zaku?" She laughed, "I don't blame you, I probably would have done the same thing to you, that's how we were trained remember? Win no matter what the cost . . ." Zaku looked over his arms, he'd sacrificed his arms to avoid disgracing his master, and the #! Had killed him without a thought. "I was a real idiot, wasn't I? I thought I was so much better than everyone else, but I was just another pawn." Kin took his hand, "Only to_ him_, and he's worthless. To us you're a whole lot more . . ." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Still, you _were_ a mean little creep." He grinned, "Yeah, but I was an _adorable_ mean little creep . . ."

"Tayuya," The kunoichi looked up from her scrolls at her elderly guardian, "You have a visitor." The old woman smiled. Tayuya nodded politely and walked into the living room. Shikamaru stood waiting, holding a bouquet of red roses. "Shikamaru? You bought those for me?!" He blushed slightly and held out the flowers, "Well, you are my girlfriend . . ." Tayuya took the bouquet, "They're very pretty . . . Thanks . . ." They stood there awkwardly for a moment. "You should probably put those in water, you know." Tayuya laughed, "Of course I know that, dumb-#! I'll go put them up . . . I don't have to tell you to sit your lazy #! Down . . ." Shikamaru smiled and sat on a nearby armchair. "So, would you like to go out, if it's not too troublesome . . ." "I was banned from the #! Barbeque place ya' know." Tayuya called from the kitchen. "_Language_, Tayuya . . ." Came a voice from the back. "Yes, ma'am." Shikamaru laughed, it was odd that Tayuya of the Thousand Curses was trying to clean up her language. "What are you laughing at, you Lazy Punk?" Shikamaru walked up to her and kissed her on the lips, "You're just so pretty to be using such language." "Don't you start that_ lady-like_ #! Like that fat-#! Jiro . . ., Wait . . . _Pretty_?" She blushed a bit. "I've told you you're pretty before, you know,_ beautiful_, even . . ." She shook her head, "It's just so weird, being called 'pretty', everyone always treated me like a filthy . . ." She paused, "I guess my attitude didn't help, did it?" "Like you said, you had to be strong in Otogakure. Luckily, I_ like_ strong women." Tayuya smirked, "Luckily for you, I like lazy bums!" She fingered his Chuunin vest, "I hate this thing, it's bulky and hides your body, you might as well dress like that Puppet-Loving Suna-Freak." She smiled slyly, "I hear he has a nice body under that silly cat-suit . . ." "It's not a 'cat-suit', it's a traditional puppeteer's uniform. And yeah, I guess he has a good build, if you're into the muscular linebacker type . . ." "I'm into scrawny little Shadow-Users." Shikamaru kissed her again, "Lucky me." Tayuya lifted him off his feet, "Let's go get some grub, Lazy-Bones!"

Kankurou, Gaara, Hana and Temari sat around the dinner table, eating a nice little meal. Shiromaru sat by Hana's side, eating his share. "I'm glad that Hana allowed you to wear clothing for the night, brother." Gaara said, out of the blue, and Temari and Hana broke out laughing. "Oh God! Don't give her ideas! I already have to put up with all of his screaming and moaning, I don't want to have to look at his . . ." Shiromaru started, but the humiliated Kankurou shot him a killing glance. This, of course, only made them laugh harder . . . Gaara looked concerned, "Screaming? Is she hurting you?" Kankurou couldn't help but break a smile at Gaara's innocence, "_Not exactly . . ._" Temari tried to contain herself, but she managed to snort out, "I'll explain later, Gaara!" "No you won't! This is all _your_ fault, jan! I'll get you for this Temari !" "Oh please, like you could!" Temari replied, "I could take you any day!" Hana was almost helpless with laughter, _This is just like my family, me and Kiba . . ._ It was nice to see them so happy and behaving like a real family, after everything the Kazekage had put them through, all of their suffering, family bonds had won out.

To be continued . . .


	169. Chapter 170

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 170

It was odd, having a full spectrum of vision after almost two decades of living with only one eye. Uchiha Obito smiled as he took in the images from his new left eye. He closed his right eye and looked through the left. Rin giggled and stroked his cheek, "It's a very good match. Is there any pain?" "No, it feels weird though. Obito's optic nerves had to be repaired, that's what Tsunade-Sama said." "I'll imagine, after all this time." Kakashi leaned against the wall, watching. For once, his _Icha Icha_ book was left forgotten in his pocket. "It looks good on you." Obito looked in the small mirror again, having two eyes went a long way to repairing his face. True, the scars covering the right side of his face were still there, but having two eyes again made up for it in his mind. Still, one thing was bothering him, "Whose eye was it?" The room was silent for a moment, "One of our ninja was fatally injured during a mission, before he died he offered his organs for transplant. His name was Yamura Tohru." "Yamura Tohru . . . Does he have any family?" Obito asked softly. "Yes." "I'll have to thank them, and try to comfort them." Kakashi and Rin both smiled, not wanting to bother pointing out that he had used 'I' rather than 'Obito' again . . . "Of course." "I'd also like to visit his grave." Kakashi nodded, "So would I, we'll go with you, once you're released. It should be any day now. We can't leave a Cry Baby like you here to annoy the poor nurses . . ." Obito laughed gently, "Yeah." he suddenly looked around, "Have you seen Sasuke? Obito hasn't seen him since last night!" Kakashi shrugged, "I think that crazy girl kidnaped him."

"Would you like some more, Sasuke?" Karin asked sweetly, "I'd like to leave." Sasuke said coldly. They were sitting around a small table in Karin's apartment, eating tomato soup. "Well, it's not like any other girl in this village is going to take an interest in you, after what you did." Sasuke scowled, she was right, after all. Outside of Karin and Tayuya, all the girls he knew hated his guts. "I guess that's true . . ." Karin shook her head, "I didn't mean to rub it in, it's just, you can be so . . . Rude sometimes." Sasuke smiled, "You can be pretty over aggressive. I mean, you've threatened to rape me in my sleep!" Karin smirked, "Can you blame me?"

In the Super Burger, the Oto-Nin sat around for their weekly meeting. Dosu set down his drink, "Why didn't Madara just get him another eye before? I mean, if they could bring back the dead, they could probably perform an eye-transplant." Kidoumaru shrugged, "Maybe he wasn't planning on staying in Obito's body as long as he did. Or maybe he was holding out for another Uchiha body." Tayuya snorted, "Or maybe he was #! Moron!" Jirobou stopped eating long enough to laugh, "For once I agree with Tayuya! I mean, how do you think you won't draw attention by walking around in red and black robes?!" They all laughed, "Hey, they look better than those #! Purple #!-bows the Snake made us wear!" Ukon said, "If anyone ever doubts that Oro was evil, they should look at his #! Design skills! Only a demon could make outfits that ugly, and then make people wear them!" Even Kimimaro laughed at that, he'd really loosened up a bit during his time in Konoha. It was still hard for him, though, having been raised with a single-minded devotion to the detestable snake. "Yeah, his fashion sense was pretty bad . . ." "BAD?!" Tayuya shouted, "It was a form of #! _Torture_!" Sakon looked at his watch, "Got another hot date, Sakon?" Ukon grinned, "Yeah, we're seeing Shizune-San in an hour or so. Poor, blind Shizune, falling for the ugly one . . ." "You're the ugly one, Pig-Breath." "Butt-Faced Dog!" "Butt-Ugly, Butt-Faced, Butt-Looking Butt!" Tayuya laughed, "That was really #! Pathetic! You call that a #! Insult?!" Sakon looked at Tayuya and grinned, "Okay. Ukon, you're a Tayuya-Faced #!" Everyone started laughing, and Tayuya glared at the Twin, "Ha ha, you're a real comedian, ya' know that?" Sakon leaned back and grinned, "I try."

"What are you doing here?" Eiichiro challenged the young man standing in front of him. "They let me go free in exchange for aiding with their duties." Yakushi Kabuto smiled. "You always could worm your way out of anything." Eiichiro shook his head in disbelief, "Have you met The Black Slime That Devours?" He grinned, even though he knew he couldn't feed the man to The Slime, as he was now in a freed state. Kabuto shook his finger in Eiichiro's face, "Now, now. You don't want to get into any trouble, do you?" He laughed, "But that's why I'm here, I've been sent to study the creature." "That 'creature' is older than time, you would do well to speak to it with respect." Kabuto bowed slightly, "Of course." Eiichiro shrugged, "I was going to move out soon anyway. I miss the sound of Orochimaru screaming in agony . . . But first I want to explore hell." "Even in hell, great minds can find knowledge, eh, Priest?" Kabuto smirked, "And now that you mention it, the Old Snake's screams are pleasing to the ear . . ."

Tomoe stuck her head into Kin's room, "How would you like to get out of here for a while? We could have a girl's day out, just the two of us." Kin smiled, "What would we do?" "Go shopping, gossip, watch cute boys . . . Just don't tell Akira about that last one!" Kin laughed, "Sounds like fun!" "Get your coat and whatever else you need and let's go!" Kin grabbed her coat and gloves, "Oh, yeah! Don't tell Zaku about the cute boys either!"

"Hey, where are you girls going?" Akira asked, as they were walking out the door. "Out!" They both shouted, then began giggling as stepped out. "Women! I'll never understand them . . ." He walked into the living room, where Eiji and Zaku were playing checkers. "Well, it looks like the girls have gone out. It's just us . . . What do you say we order pizza and pig out while they're gone!" "Sounds good to me!" Zaku grinned. "Careful," Eiji smiled, "Now that you're not training, you need to watch what you eat, you might get fat!" Zaku grabbed him in a headlock, "I'll get enough exercise kicking your butt!" Eiji picked him up, "Awwww, so _cuuuute_! He thinks he can beat me up!" He maneuvered Zaku so that his backside was facing up, then lightly smacked his bottom. "Hey, let me go!" Eiji smacked him again, then set him down. Zaku stuck out his tongue and crossed his arms, "Yeah, you _better_ let me down!" Eiji smiled and ruffled his hair, "You're so cute!" Zaku gave an exaggerated pout. "I'm not cute!" "He's right," Akira smiled, "He's not cute, he's _adorable_!" He pinched Zaku's cheek, "Now, what do you guys want on your pizza?" Zaku grinned, "Anything, as long as it doesn't swim or have more than four legs!"

To be continued . . .


	170. Chapter 171

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 171

Team Seven was assembled at the edge of the training area, awaiting their next training assignment. Sai gave a gentle smile at his female teammate, "Are you feeling alright, Hag? You haven't struck either Naruto or myself in some time." Sakura shook her head, "Why, you _want_ me to beat you up?" "He's right, dattebayo!" Naruto chimed in, "You've been a lot nicer since you started dating Kidoumaru!" Yamato leaned back and looked over his students, "I guess love _can_ sooth a savage beast." A snowball struck him full in the face, "I'm not going to take any crap from you guys!" Sakura growled, "I'm just trying not to act like Temari or Tayuya." Naruto grinned, "So that's who Tayuya reminds me of, dattebayo!" Within seconds he was face-down in the snow, a knee in his back, "What did you say, Whiskers?" "You're nothing like Tayuya, dattebayo!" She let him up. "Still, Tayuya has changed since she came here, she's a lot more . . . Personable." Sai noted, "She even seems to be trying to clean up her language." "She's still perverted though."

"Good morning, Pup." Tsume looked up from her coffee, "You slept late this morning." Kiba yawned and grabbed his cold breakfast off the stove, "I was just tired, I guess. Kurenai-Sensei ran us ragged last night." Tsume grinned, "I would expect nothing less." She thought fo a moment, "You haven't been having those dreams for a while." Kiba grinned, "No. It's weird, you'd think having those two around would make the nightmares worse, but it hasn't. I guess it's 'cause I can see that they're just people like everyone else, and not that smart or talented either. Akamaru and I could take them easy now." Tsume paused, "You've . . . _Forgiven_ them?" "_Hell no!_ How could I forgive them for what they did? If they'd just hurt me, maybe, but what they did to Akamaru . . ." Tsume nodded understandingly, "No matter how idiotic or weak they might seem, they're still dangerous, and I wouldn't want you to forget that." "Don't worry mom, I won't."

"Hey, Fluffy!" Dosu turned as Kidoumaru rushed up behind him and slung a pair of arms over his shoulders, "How ya' doin'?" "Fine. What's with you?" Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm just my ordinary, wonderful self. How's life with the Yamanakas?" Dosu smiled, "Good. It's strange, living with a good family in a nice house, going to school, it's almost like being a normal kid." Kidoumaru stretched and laced his arms behind his head, "Yeah, it's weird, I know, being around people who care about you." He laughed, "They sure took a quick liking to you, did you hypnotize them or something?" Dosu shook his head, "It's like a dream, they just saw me in the street and invited me to stay in their home. Who does that? Who takes in a strange kid from an enemy village, especially one who nearly killed your daughter? Ino was there when we tried to kill Sasuke, I would have killed her without a thought, if we hadn't been driven off, but her family treats me like a long-lost son. Even Ino is kind to me!" Kidoumaru nodded, "The people here are a lot kinder to us than I expected. I mean, there are a few trash characters around who hate us for being different, and some who just can't forgive what we or other Oto-Nin did to some of their friends and family. I can't blame them, a lot of people died in the invasion." He laughed, but there was no joy in it, "_Invasion_. It was a _distraction_, so we could snag Sasuke. It was all a big fake-out. But back to the topic, I think maybe it's because Oto and Oro are long gone, so we really have no more reason to fight. Besides, they know us know, as people, not just as enemy ninja." "Plus they knew you before the rest of us came, they probably figured if you could fit in, so could we." Dosu observed. "That's because I'm such loveable guy!" Kidoumaru did the 'Good Guy' pose. "Yeah," Dosu said, "But that doesn't explain why they accept Tayuya!"

Zaku looked over the carnage he had wreaked and gave a cruel smirk. The village was in ruins, and the bodies of his tormentors lay lifeless in the streets. "Very good, Zaku. Very good!" Orochimaru laughed and clapped, "See how much fun revenge can be? Did I not promise you power?" Zaku nodded, "Yes, Orochimaru-Sama." His eyes were gleaming with power and rage. Orochimaru had brought him back to the village of his birth, to avenge himself on those who had beaten and despised him. And avenge he did . . . "I'm not done yet, Orochimaru-Sama." He walked over to a man huddled against the wreckage of a small shop. The village baker, who'd never given him any food and had been the first and most frequent to beat him for stealing it. "Please . . . Zaku . . ." Zaku's eyes were blazing with rage, "I begged, I begged for mercy, but you didn't have any. You wouldn't give me anything when I begged, and you beat me when I took it!" He raised his palms, "All I wanted was a little food, scraps even! But you'd feed the dogs before giving me anything!" The man was bone white and shaking, muttering pleas, "I . . . I'm sorry! I was wrong! Please, don't kill me!" Zaku laughed, and sliced the man's right arm off with his Zankuuha, "No mercy! It's payback time!" Zaku slowly cut the man to pieces, as Orochimaru stood behind him, smiling in approval.

Zaku awoke and rubbed his eyes. He didn't know how to feel about his past, he regretted some of the killing, yes, but others, they deserved it. _Was it wrong to take such vengeance? How do you atone for murder? Many murders?_ He got out of bed and walked into the hallway, then into the kitchen, turned on the light and poured himself a glass of cold water. He sat at the table and began to drink his water in silence. It was about two in the morning, and everyone else was asleep. _You've been through hell, Zaku. Maybe even literally, Eiji said we weren't in hell, but how would he know?_ He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, _I wonder if they're in hell, those pigs . . . No, they were people, pigs don't treat each other as badly as people do. Is my dying enough? Have I paid for what I did? Or is there more?_ He stared at his glass for a moment, _He gave me power. Why? Why did he train me and make me strong just to kill me? It wasn't my arms, if he hadn't intended to kill me at the exams, then he wouldn't have brought me. All three of us, Kin, Dosu and me, we were meant to die from the start. Why?_ He shuddered, _Was it because I was weak? No, he sacrificed Kimimaro too, in a way, and he was stronger than any of the rest of us. He wanted Sasuke, and he set us all up. He saw Sasuke as worth more than all of us, that's why. He didn't care about Sasuke, either, he just wanted an Uchiha body . . . But who gives a #! What he wanted? He's dead, and he proved that he doesn't deserve my loyalty, or anyone else. I have a new life to live, and I'll do better this time, I know I will._ He finished his water and went back to bed.

To be continued . . .


	171. Chapter 172

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 172

People tended to consider Kidoumaru a likeable person, friendly, outgoing and energetic. But everyone around him also knew that he had one great flaw, a flaw that rested between his nose and his chin. "Shut your #! Pie-hole, you idiot!" Kidoumaru looked around in confusion, "What did I say?" "You talk to #! Much!" Tayuya removed her hands from Shikamaru long enough to shake a fist at the Spider-Nin. "You're always running your #! Mouth!" Kidoumaru shrugged, "It's not my fault I'm an extrovert and you're an antisocial, foul-mouthed kunoichi." He sighed loudly, "Don't worry, I'll be out of your red hair in a minute. As soon as my Babe comes I'm going out . . ." As if in answer, someone knocked on the door, "Deliverance!" Kidoumaru rushed over and pulled the door open, "Hey, Sexy!" Chouji's eyes widened and his cheeks reddened, "Uh . . . Kidoumaru, I'm not like that . . ." Tayuya broke out in raucous laughter, and even Shikamaru snickered a bit. "Hey, Chouji, you're back! I thought you'd bought the potato chip factory!" Shikamaru walked past the stunned Kidoumaru and hugged his old friend, "C'mon in!" "#! It all! I was just about to make my #! Move!" Tayuya shouted from the couch. Kidoumaru turned slightly, "Chouji! Thank God! You just saved Shikamaru from a fate worse than death!" He was out the door before Tayuya had even managed to stand up, "Gotta' go!" "Yeah, you better run!"

Kidoumaru ran a few houses down, then stopped at the sight of a certain pink-haired kunoichi, "Babe!" He wrapped his arms around Sakura, "Mmmmmmm . . . You look delicious!" Sakura giggled, "So you _are_ a cannibal . . ." She snuggled against him, "Or are you a kitty? You always purr when you're happy . . ." "Mmmmmm . . . I'll purr more if you rub my belly . . . But first let's get out of this snow globe!" He grinned, "By the way, Chouji's back, safe and sound."

Chouji looked over his ring, "_Friendship_. Nice . . . Thanks, Shika!" His stomach growled, "Uhm, Shika, got any snacks?" "Sure, in the kitchen. Knock yourself out." "Take your time!" Tayuya shouted, "I want to enjoy _my_ snack!" She pounced on Shikamaru like a lioness taking down an antelope.

Zaku rushed outside and jumped into the snow, then howled at the cold. "Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" He fell back into the snow and grinned. "You've lost your mind, haven't you?" Eiji asked. "He never had one to lose." Kin replied. "Ha ha ha! If I had to stay in that house anymore I _would_ go crazy!" Zaku bounced up and began shaking off the snow that had clung to his clothing and hair, then bent over to pick up some snow, "Don't do it, Zaku . . . I have six arms to throw with!" Zaku got a crazy look in his eyes, smirked, and began flinging snowballs. Between Eiji and Kin, he was soon covered in a small hill of snow. "That's #! Cold!" He pushed himself out of the snow. "Watch your language!" Kin stuck a snowball in his mouth, and he retaliated by pulling her into the snow. Eiji shook his head as the pair began wrestling in the cold stuff. "Young love!" They all turned to see Mizuki walking up, "So adorable!" Zaku grinned, "Just like you and Iruka!" A snowball hit him in the face, knocking him backward into the snow, "I'm not gay, Windbag!" "Does _Iruka_ know that?" Mizuki laughed despite himself, "He's not gay either, punk. Finally out on parole, Windbag?" "Yeah," Zaku stood up and stretched, "I did my time, I'm free and clear!" Mizuki smiled and ran his fingers through his hair, "I just came to invite all of you over to my apartment for dinner." Eiji nodded, "I think we'd all be honored to go." Zaku cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, "Just don't let Eiji near the kitchen!" "You little punk!" Eiji picked him up, flipped him over and gave him a swat. "HEY! You really like touchin' my butt, don't you?!" Zaku shouted. "You mean that's not your face?" Eiji asked innocently, then smacked him again. "Hey, Eiji, can I give it a try?" Kin walked over and grinned at Zaku, who was squirming upside down in the older boy's arms, "Sure, why not?" Kin giggled, "This really is your good side, Zaku . . ." Zaku grunted, "Very funny, now let me down! YIPES!" "Kin, I meant you could _spank_ him, not _grope_ him!"

"How about some spicy beef for my Spicy Babe?" Kidoumaru smiled at Sakura, who blushed slightly, _Man! He has a way with words! _Inner Sakura beamed, "That sounds fine . . ." "And what would you like to drink, ma'am?" "Coffee, hot and black, just like Pretty Boy here . . ." The waiter shuddered slightly, _Great, another pair of sappy young lovers, disgusting!_ He repressed a gag, "And you sir?" _Go ahead, order the chicken legs and see how sweet she is then!_ "I'll have a cherry cola and a spicy beef plate." The waiter nodded respectfully, "Alright, I'll be back shortly with your drinks . . ." He turned and hurried off toward the kitchen. "_Cherry_ cola, huh?" She took hold of his hand. "Cherry is my favorite flavor . . . Hot and black, eh?" Sakura giggled, "Just the way I like it . . ." He started nuzzling her neck, "Mmmmmm, you are the prettiest cherry blossom in the world . . ." "And you're the cutest spider ever . . ."_ And I'm going to be sick!_ "Excuse me, your drinks are ready, your meals should be ready in a few minutes." "Yeah, thanks." Kidoumaru said without looking up. _There better be a #! Good tip in this for me!_ "So, what do you want to do after we eat?" "We go someplace nice and warm, and we make it warmer . . ."

To be continued . . .


	172. Chapter 173

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 173

Tayuya removed Shikamaru's hair tie, letting his hair fall loose around his shoulders, "So your hair isn't stuck that way . . ." He smiled, "I bet you thought I was too lazy to style it . . ." She kissed him on the mouth, "I don't care about that, as long as you're not too lazy for . . . _Other things . . ._" Shikamaru laughed, "You don't beat around the bush, do you?" She snuggled up against him, "Why do people play those #! Games? If you want something, #! take it!" She shook her head, "#!, I'm cussing again!" Shikamaru stroked her hair, "You know you don't have to change for me, except for the whole troublesome 'summoning demons to kill me' thing. I like you just the way you are . . ." Tayuya put her arms around him, "I guess I can live with your troublesome laziness, you Lazy-#! Hottie. Just wear those Man-Whore Shorts for me every once in awhile . . ." "I thought you wanted me naked . . ." Tayuya sighed, "I do, but you're too much of a prude for that. Tease."

Dosu looked up into the bright November sky, and closed his eyes, feeling the sunlight on his face. His whole face. For years, he'd felt the need to hide his damaged face and body from everyone around him, wrapping himself in bandages until only his right eye was visible. He smiled and inhaled deeply, rejoicing in the feeling of cold air on his face. He could almost believe that he was still dead, and this was heaven, though he sincerely doubted he'd have ended up in heaven after the things he'd done. _Perhaps the gods are more merciful than I thought . . ._ He smiled, and looked around at the snow covered village with both eyes. He'd been born terribly disfigured, hunchbacked, one-eyed and with a face that looked as if it had been burnt in the womb, but now . . . Now he looked like any other fifteen year old boy. He'd even noticed some of the village girls looking at him! He still walked about in a crouch and stood half-erect, but that was more habit than spinal shape. _Yes, they are merciful, aren't they? Isn't all this a miracle?_ He stood straight and proud, he ran a hand through his loose blonde hair and smiled for all the world to see. He jumped onto the nearest roof and began racing across the rooftops. _I won't waste this chance I've been given!_

Zaku leaned back against Kin, "So, you like my butt, huh?" Kin laughed loudly, "You are a real poet, you know that?" "Aw, you love me and you know it!" Kin giggled, "Yeah, I guess so." Eiji shook his head, "Okay you two, don't get too excited . . ." Zaku stuck out his tongue, "You're no fun, Eiji!" "Neither's _pregnancy_." Kin rolled her eyes, "We know, and we're not going to jump each other out here on the street, either!" Zaku blushed bright red, "And you call me a pervert!" Kin laughed at his discomfort, "You _are _a pervert, I'm just a _bigger_ pervert." She swatted him on the backside, "And I _do_ like your butt." Eiji groaned, "We're here . . ." They went into Mizuki's apartment building, Akira and Tomoe had left early to help out. Zaku and Kin rushed past Eiji and up the stairs. "Kids these days . . . Was I ever that young?" Eiji laughed, "I'm sixteen, I have one year on them and I act like an old man!" He rushed up the stairs after them.

Itachi and Kisame listened with interest as the scientist explained what he had seen a few weeks before in the labs. Now that he was rational again, he was able to give greater detail. "And it didn't say anything?" Kisame asked. "No, it just snarled and glared. It was like walking into a lion cage and seeing it turn on you." "I guess this is an indication that Shinigami does not appreciate mortals meddling into it's affairs." Itachi spoke softly, as usual, "We are very fortunate that it did not want more than the equipment . . . If it had wanted to reclaim us, it would have done so before now. Thank you for this information, you may go now." The scientist bowed and left the room.

"Kankurou-Sama!" Kankurou froze, _It can't be . . ._ He turned, _Yep. Maki._ "Hi, Maki, what are you doin' here, jan?" "I'm on a mission!" Maki ran up to the Puppetmaster, then bent over, panting in the heat, "You have to be tough to live in Suna, right, jan?" Kankurou smiled, "Right. I certainly hope you're not on a _secre_t mission, jan, 'cause you just told the whole village!""Nah, just a regular mission, my team escorted some big-wig here, jan." "Well, which one of you two is my husband?" Hana laughed and walked up the pair, "Maki, right? You're pretty cute." Maki's cheeks reddened and his eyes widened like saucers, "T-thanks!" "Watch it kid, I'm a jealous man and I know where you live, jan!" Kankurou smiled and pulled Maki's hood over his face. "I see you have another ring . . ." Kankurou held out his hand, showing the_ Puppetmaster _Kanji, and Maki held out his ring _Puppeteer_. "One day I'll be a Puppetmaster two, jan!" "Doesn't your team need you, jan?" Maki grinned, "We finished the mission and had some free time, they're at the hotel and I came to see you, jan!"

Kidoumaru and Sakura walked hand in hand down the street toward the latter's home, it was beginning to get dark and cold by now. Kidoumaru grinned at the sight of a familiar face, "Sasuke? I thought you were locked in some girl's closet somewhere . . ." Sasuke shrugged, "I was." Sakura frowned, "Who's the unlucky girl?" "Karin." Kidoumaru grinned, "Karin? Pervert Karin? You're lucky you got out alive!" "Yeah, I guess. I have to get home, I'll see you later." As Sasuke walked away, Kidoumaru turned to Sakura, "Still can't forgive him, huh?" "No." He shook his head, "I was angry too, but it's dangerous to hold grudges like that, it can mess with your health and your mind." "I know." Sakura said softly, "But I can't seem to find it inside myself to forgive him. I know I should, I know it doesn't do any good to hate him, but I just can't seem to get over what he did." "It's hard, Sakura, I know. I can't make you forgive him, or even tell you two do so. I just don't want it to eat you up." He stopped, "Here's your place. Shall I walk you to the door, Babe?" She smiled, "Lead away." They walked up to the home, arm in arm.

To be continued . . .


	173. Chapter 174

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 174

Eiji noted with interest that Zaku was reading a book entitled _Crystals, Gems and other Geological Wonders_. He started to say something, but decided not to interrupt the boy's reading. From what Kin had told him, and Zaku had freely admitted it as truth, the closest Zaku had ever come to a book in Otogakure was when he was summoned to Orochimaru's library to receive orders. _He's smarter than people give him credit for, he's just uneducated,_ Eiji walked past Zaku, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, and down the hallway toward his room, _I hate snow, frozen rain, that's all it is._ He sighed and stepped into his room. He'd just sat on his bed when Zaku walked to the door, "Can I come in?" Eiji patted the bed beside him, "Sure. But if you're looking for advice about girls, you probably know more than I do." Zaku laughed and sat next to him, "Mizuki probably has better advice on women than you would." "He's not gay, Windbag. What do you want?" "I was just wondering if you wanted to play checkers or something. I never had a brother before, and, well . . ." Eiji smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, "Sure, I can't let my little brother down." He grinned, "But don't expect me to go easy on you!" Zaku rolled his eyes, "Kidoumaru got all the skill in the family, you can't play worth beans." "What was that, brat?!" "I said I can whip your tail at anything!" "Then bring it on, punk!"

Eiichiro bowed respectfully before The Black Slime That Devours, "It has been an interesting time, my friend. Perhaps we shall meet again." "Have no doubt of that, we are spending eternity together in this place, after all." The Slime chuckled. Eiichiro turned to Kabuto, "I won't really miss _you_." Kabuto laughed, "Likewise." He paused, "That book mark, the one in that copy of _The Prophecies of Aku_, is that . . ." Eiichiro grinned, "You recognized it, eh?" He pulled out the large, heavy book bound in Orochimaru's skin, and opened it to the book marked page, and held up a long strip of leathered flesh, Orochimaru's tongue. "Pity it grew back." He put it back away, and walked off, laughing.

"Hello, Kitty," Kankurou cringed at Temari using his pet name, "What is it, Temari, jan." "Remember how you used to be jealous that Gaara was so much more popular than you?" Kankurou sighed, "Yeah, I remember." "Well, now that you have an obsessed stalker fanboy, are you still jealous?" "No. Maki is quite enough, jan." He chuckled, "Still, it is kinda' flattering, he's a good kid . . . Could be worse, I could have a _psychotic_ stalker fanboy who wants to kill me and take my place, like you see in movies, jan." Temari grinned, "Still, I'd watch my back if I were you . . ."

Kidoumaru grinned and put an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders, "So, I see Tayuya hasn't killed you yet. That's good, she usually can't be around someone for this long without at _least_ crippling them . . ." Shikamaru grunted, "She's not that bad. She's actually kind of nice, in her own way." Kidoumaru jumped over the couch and sat next to the lazy ninja, "I guess she can be . . . Less horrible than usual. She did bring Bearington back for me. Still, you're the first person I've ever seen her be nice to." "Speaking of violent females, I'm surprised Sakura hasn't shown you her mean streak yet." Kidoumaru leaned back and laced his hands behind his head, "I guess she does have a temper, but she's nothing compared to Tayuya. I think we both know what Tayuya can do when she gets mad." "She hasn't done anything bad to me since that day in the forest. She says she's sorry about what happened, and I believe her." Kidoumaru nodded, "The scary thing is, I believe her too." Shikamaru yawned, "So, what's it like being Sakura's six-armed sex symbol?" Both boys jumped as the sound of an explosion ripped through the air, followed by another. "What the hell?!" Rushing outside, Kidoumaru looked up and grinned as another set of fireworks exploded over Konoha, bathing the village in a rainbow of colors. "Fireworks?" Shikamaru shaded his eyes, "But it's not a festival or a holiday." Kidoumaru laughed, "Team Terrible strikes again!" As he spoke, a massive ball of bright orange streaked through the sky and exploded.

Nawaki sat back on the Sandaime's carved head and grinned, "This was a great idea, Obito-San." Obito grinned as Sakon and Ukon set off another salvo of spectacular color, "This is our biggest prank yet!" Naruto slung an arm around the Uchiha, "You are a genius, dattebayo!" Sasuke stepped out onto the Nidaime's head and looked down at the villagers who were rushing out to investigate. "Do you think they're enjoying the show?" "I hope so, for our sakes," Sai sat down next to Sasuke, "My last prank involving the Hokage monument ended rather unpleasantly." "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Sakon shouted as another blast tore it's colorful way across the night sky.

To be continued . . .


	174. Chapter 175

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 175

Tayuya sat on Shikamaru's legs as he lay sprawled on the couch, forcing him to give her room, "You are so lazy!" Shikamaru laughed, "It's in my genes." "I'd like to see what else is in your genes . . ." Tayuya said slyly. Shikamaru pulled her close, "I'll bet you do . . ." "Can you blame me?" Shikamaru yawned and stretched, "I wouldn't know. I'm not into guys." "Thank God for that!" She snuggled against his chest, "I am not losing you to a #! guy!" Shikamaru smiled, "You don't have to worry about that. Though I worry about some guy stealing _you_ away . . . When Kotaro first showed up, I thought I might have to fight him for you!" Tayuya laughed, "That was business. If I hadn't helped him learn how to use our Genjutsu, he'd have been slaughtered at the exams." "An act of mercy . . ." Shikamaru kissed her on the lips, "No matter how hard you try to hide it from everyone, you do have a heart." Tayuya smiled, "Just don't tell anybody, I don't want people to think I've gone #! soft!"

Kakashi opened the door to find Rin standing there, "Come on in. Obito's not here right now, he's probably out getting into trouble . . ." "I know." Rin walked over and stood beside the fireplace, "That's why I came. Sasuke's gone too, right?" Kakashi nodded. "I don't know if I can do it." Kakashi cocked his head, "Do what?" Rin sighed and sat on the floor, "Obito is a great person, but he has the mind of a child, I feel . . . _Guilty_, as if I was running after a little boy. Is that wrong?" Kakashi sat beside her, "I know, his mind was damaged, he's a grown man, but he has the mind of a twelve year old boy. I . . . I honestly don't know what to say, he is an adult, and he understands about love and sex, but I don't know if he's mature enough to deal with ideas like that." Rin wiped her eyes, "He loves me, he's always loved me, and I love him. But I've grown up and he hasn't. It's not his fault, I know, but it makes things so . . . _Difficult_." Kakashi nodded, "But you do love each other. I've heard of people in similar situations having successful lives together. Whatever you do is, in the end, up to you and Obito." He closed his eyes and sighed, "But if you can't go through with it, please, let him down gently."

"This is so romantic!" Sakura hugged Kidoumaru, "It's nice to have a boyfriend who cooks . . ." Sakura looked over the meal-laden table, "It all looks so good!" Kidoumaru grinned and kissed her on the cheek, "Somebody had to cook for us back in Oto, Tayuya'd have poisoned us all, Jirobou would have eaten everything, Sakon and Ukon woulda' burned the place down . . ." "A position of trust, hm?" Kidoumaru pulled out a chair for her to sit, then took his own seat, they were in Sakura's house, Kidoumaru had come by to give his love a romantic dinner date, something they couldn't have at the Nara house. "Yep! But this is a special meal for my Babe!" Sakura sighed, "Every meal is special with you." They ate and talked for a short time, occasionally kissing or making other romantic expressions. The food was great, Kidoumaru certainly knew his way around a kitchen. "Kidoumaru? Are you alright, you're shaking." Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm fine Babe, just excited." He reached shakily into his pocket and pulled out a small box, handing it sheepishly to Sakura. The kunoichi's eyes widened as she opened it. It was a beautiful engagement ring . . . "Sakura, I've been in love with you since the day we met, and you've really helped me change my life. I've been so blessed, coming back from the dead, coming to this wonderful place, having a family and friends . . . Meeting you." He took her hands "I want to spend the rest of my life with you . . . I know I'm young, and I know it will be a year or two before we can, but I want to marry you . . . If you'll have me . . ."

To be continued . . .


	175. Chapter 176

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 176

Sakura stared silently at the glittering ring, then looked into Kidoumaru's dark, hopeful eyes, and smiled, "Yes." Kidoumaru jumped up and whooped loudly, then grabbed Sakura and hugged her tightly. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world!" He looked into her green eyes, "And you're the prettiest girl in the world." Sakura blushed and giggled, too overwhelmed to say anything. Kidoumaru picked up the ring with his third left hand, and slipped it onto her finger. "See, it's emerald, just like your eyes . . ." He said softly, "But not nearly as beautiful." Sakura wiped a tear from her eye, "Y-you're . . . Too much . . ." Kidoumaru gave a cocky smile, "You can't have too much of a good thing, right Babe?" He sniffed slightly and ran a hand across his eyes.

At the Super Burger,

"Oh. My. God!" Ino pulled Sakura's hand over to get a better look at her ring, "I can't believe it!" Tayuya snorted, "I guess he's not gay then . . . Just #! _Bi!_" "You're just jealous Sakura picked him!" Tayuya turned and growled at Tenten, "Stuff it, _Minnie_, before I stuff it for you!" Ino released Sakura's hand and grinned, "Way to rob the cradle, Sakura. They'll bust you for sure now!" "Ha ha." Tayuya leaned over to look at the ring, "Not bad, but he could have sprung for #! Diamond!" Sakura shook her fist at the red-head, "It's symbolic of my green eyes you stupid brat! Tayuya pulled back, "Watch it, Pinky!" She grinned, "So, how'd you trap him? Are you _pregnant_ or something?" "We haven't even done that, as if it's any of your business! And _he_ asked_ me!_" "W-w-when's the wedding?" Hinata asked. "We haven't made a date yet. He's still only_ fifteen_, after all." "Fifteen? But his 16th birthday was months ago . . ." Sakura blushed, "Well . . . He didn't want me tell anyone, but . . . He found out that his birthday is actually December 14th." Tayuya broke out laughing, "What a #! Idiot! He doesn't even know his own #! Birthday!" "I-I-I Think it's s-s-sad." Hinata shook her head, "I-i-it must have been bad in Otogakure, to forget so much." "He wasn't the only #! Person in Oto! I was there too, ya' know! I #! Suffered too!" "I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry . . . I d-d-didn't mean . . ." Tayuya grunted, "Oh, forget it!" She stood up, "I'm gonna' go find Shikamaru and . . ." She grinned wickedly, and walked off.

At the Barbeque Rack,

"I can't believe it." Sai shook his head, "Getting married to the Hag of all people." Kidoumaru puffed up a bit, "Sakura is _not_ a hag!" He sighed, "And it's not right away, maybe a year or two." Naruto elbowed him in the ribs, "Why wait two years?!" "Because I'm only fifteen." Kiba spat out his drink, "What?! I thought you were sixteen!" "Hey, I didn't ask _you_ to marry me!" Everyone started laughing as Kiba began cursing. Kidoumaru blushed and scratched the back of his head, "Seriously, though, after we went to Zaku's birthday party, Akira looked it up, my birthday is actually on _December 14th_. I'd completely forgotten my own birthday." "Yeah, how old were you when you came to Oto, anyway?" Ukon asked. "I was six." "Six!" Jirobou shouted, "You were_ six?!_" "There's no age limit on being a killer, especially not in Oto, you should know that. I've heard that Kakashi-San was taking missions at_ seven_, and he's from Konoha!"

"Enemy within range!" Zaku whispered as he squinted over the trench wall, "Prepare ammunition." Kin smiled, "Ammunition ready." Zaku grinned devilishly, "Ready, aim, FIRE!" They both jumped from their snowy trench and began pelting Eiji with snowballs. "You brats!" Eiji ducked and picked up his own arsenal, firing back as the kids vanished behind their little wall, "I'll get you!" "Yeah, right!" Zaku boldly jumped back up and resumed the attack, then ducked down to avoid the incoming volley. They began laughing, then a dark shadow fell over the trench as Eiji jumped over the barrier and on top of Zaku, "I told you I'd get you!" "The enemy has breached our defenses! Fire! Fire!" Kin flung a snowball at Eiji's dark head as he stuffed a handful of snow in Zaku's spiky hair. He caught the ball and sent it right back, "Are you two ready to surrender?" "Death before surrender!" Zaku shouted as he tried to wrestle the older boy off of him. "You're a brave little warrior, aren't you? Well let's see how brave you are with snow down your pants!" Zaku pushed back with a sudden burst of strength, "Hit 'im with everything ya' got, Kin! He's not gonna' take us alive!" Eiji fell back in the wilting hail of icy projectiles, then jumped and picked up Zaku and Kin at the same time, "There are advantages to having six arms! Now the Geneva Convention has rules for the treatment of prisoners of war, but I don't!" He prepared to hurl them both into the snowbank, then stopped, "Are you ready to beg for mercy?" Zaku laughed and Kin sneered, "Death before dishonor!" They both kicked in unison, knocking Eiji , and themselves, face-first into the snowbank. All three sat up and started laughing. "So, we beat your tail again, bro!" "Hardly, we all bought it!" Kin nodded, "Yeah, but we took ourselves out to get you, we won!" Eiji shook the snow from his hair, "You little kamikazes . . . Remind me never to get into a real fight with Oto-Nin!" Zaku grinned and gave a thumbs up, "The Best of the Best!"

To be continued . . .


	176. Chapter 177

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 177

"Engaged!" Obito threw an arm around Kidoumaru, unintentionally scratching at him with the bolts holding said arm together, "Sakura is a pretty girl! Obito is very happy for you!" Kidoumaru smiled, "I was wondering, Sempai, I know it will be a while before the wedding, but I wanted to know, would you be one of my groomsmen?" Obito smiled, "Yes! Obito would be happy to be a groomsman!" Kakashi looked up from his book, "Sakura? I thought you only had eyes for Chouji?" Kidoumaru flipped him six birds as Kakashi laughed, "He'll be heart-broken!" "That was an accident, you perverted prick!" Kakashi shook his head, "And I thought you had better manners than that!" Kidoumaru grinned, "You're thinking of Jirobo." He turned back to Obito, "You've helped me a lot since I came back. I really owe you, Sempai, you've been really kind." Obito ruffled his hair, "And you helped Obito come home. Obito owes you."

"Engaged?!" Tsunade shook her head at Sakura, "He's a fifteen-year old former enemy who's been here less than a year and he's already proposed?" Nawaki grinned, "Way to go, Kidoumaru!" "This from a kid who's barely out of diapers. You've been spending too much time with that pervert Konohamaru!" Tsunade scoffed, then motioned Sakura closer, "Are you sure about this? I trust him, I like him, but he's just so . . . _Young_ . . ." Sakura nodded, "I know, that's why we're waiting." "He's not very mature, even for fifteen." Sakura smiled, "He doesn't act very mature, I know, and he's obsessed with playing games, but he's also very romantic and serious about our relationship." Tsunade smiled, "I don't doubt it, he's quite the charmer. I just want to make sure you two know exactly what you're doing." "You're jealous, aren't you, sis? Chasing a kid fifty years younger than you!" Tsunade shook her fist at Nawaki, "If you want to see the next fifty seconds, you'll get out of here!" Nawaki fled, laughing. "Nawaki's a cute kid." Sakura laughed. "Yeah, just don't get any ideas, Cradle Robber!" Sakura huffed, "_You're_ calling _me_ a 'Cradle Robber'?! I've seen you staring at Kidoumaru's butt! He's fifteen, you're sixty-something! All you Sannin are perverts!" Tsunade turned bright red, "You . . . That was . . . That wasn't what it looked like!" She sighed and reached for a bottle of sake, "Still, he _is_ a very handsome boy . . ." "Back off! He's mine!"

Kin knocked loudly on the door of Zaku's room, "Zaku!" "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Kin grinned and rushed into the room. Zaku was sitting on his bed, fully dressed, reading. He pointed an accusing finger at Kin, "HA! I knew it! You _do_ want to see me naked!" He grinned, "Not that I blame you . . ." He touched a finger to his chest and made a hissing sound. Kin laughed, "No fair, false advertising!" She threw him a piece of paper, "Guess what? Kidoumaru just proposed to Sakura." Zaku's eyes widened, "Sakura! The pink-haired girl! Oh crap! And I tried to kill her! He's gonna' kill my #! For sure now!" Kin smiled, "Don't worry, I'll protect you. Besides, if he was still angry about that, he'd have skinned your hide months ago . . ." Zaku lay back onto the bed, "Yeah, I guess so. And she doesn't seem to be angry with me. I guess no woman can resist me!" "Hmph! No woman can help feeling sorry for such a pathetic little Windbag!" "Hey!" Zaku glanced over the letter, "Oh. They're gonna' wait until he's older . . . His birthday's coming up on the 14th, isn't it?" Kin nodded, "Yeah." Zaku sat up and stretched, then pulled off his shirt. "Trying to make me laugh?" Kin asked, laughing. "You know you like it . . ." Zaku smirked. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, "You can't resist me either . . ." "I guess I just have a weakness for_ idiots_ . . ." "Yeah . . . Wait! I'm _not_ an idiot!" Kin kissed him on the forehead, "No, but I like you anyway . . ." "You're both too young for this!" Eiji stuck his head in the door. "Yeah, yeah, _Granny_ . . ." Zaku turned, "Don't get your panties in a bunch." Eiji shook his head, "Just keep yours _on_!" "Hey! I saved the world! Don't I deserve a little fun?!" Zaku shook his fist in mock anger as Eiji walked away.

The Kurokage of Otogakure, or the Land of Rice Patties, as it was now known once again, looked in disbelief over the records of the recent deeds of Orochimaru's resurrected former subordinates, particularly one Abumi Zaku. True, he knew the boy was both powerful and dangerous, he'd seen the bloody vengeance he'd wrecked upon his home village, but to _kill_ a _'god_' . . . "It would appear we would run into a great deal of difficulty trying to bring any of these kids to trial," he said softly, "And it probably wouldn't be very just to have the Abumi boy punished for his past crimes after he's already died once _and _defeated a being who intended to slaughter most of humanity." An advisor nodded, "And the Oto-Five have become very . . . _Popular_ in Konohagakure, especially Kidoumaru. If we attempted to claim any of them, it could be diplomatic suicide. We don't need another war. It would probably be wise to pardon the lot of them." "Many of the people are still seeking vengeance for the suffering inflicted by Orochimaru and his servants," The Kurokage mused, "Some of these are small-fry, like the Tsuchi girl, they probably wouldn't even be noticed here, but others, like the Kaguya, are well known and widely feared and hated. Still," He folded his hands under his chin, "Pardons might be seen as a bridge to peace, offering forgiveness to our former tyrant's followers as a gesture of . . ." He struggled for the words. "The benevolence of your new leadership?" The adviser offered. "Yes, so many people here were pressed into service by that demon, we need to bring them back into society, or risk a civil war between those who support us and those embittered former followers of the Snake." he sighed, "But we would have to be cautious not to bring any rabble rousers or Oto loyalists into the fold, we can't afford to be_ too_ generous. And it would be wise, if we are to pardon the Five, to do so quietly and give them a condition that they not return, for all of our sakes."

Rin laid a hand on Obito's shoulder, "Obito, can we talk?" "Sure!" Obito grinned. Rin led him into the empty kitchen of his home, and they sat at the table, "Obito," She took his hand, "How do you feel about . . . Our relationship?" "It's nice." She sighed, "I was just . . . You know, you . . . You haven't . . ." Obito nodded, "Obito hasn't changed. Not up here," He tapped his head, "Obito knows. That . . . Bothers you?" "It just . . . I do love you, I just feel, it's hard to explain. It's like I'm older than you, and I feel like, like I'm taking advantage of you."Obito smiled, "Trust me, I know exactly what I'm doing . . ."

To be continued . . .


	177. Chapter 178

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 178

"Zaku! Kin!" Akira's voice rang through the house, "I didn't do it! It was Kin! She ate the last piece of cake!" Kin elbowed him, "Yeah, right, you little pig! You ate it all!" Akira rushed into the living room, waving a sheet of paper, "You've been pardoned by Oto!" "WHAT?!" They both cried in unison. He handed Kin the letter, as she was closer, "Apparently the government realized that there were too many former servants of Snake-Boy in Oto . . . _Whatever _it's called now to go after without starting a civil war . . ." Zaku looked over Kin's shoulder, "Hey, my name's at the top of the list!" Kin snorted, "That's because your name's _Abumi_, dummy, the list's in alphabetical order!" Akira shook his head, "Still, it's probably not that good an idea to go back. Some people don't forgive that easily, there's probably still a lot of resentment toward members of the Snake's personal army." Zaku turned to Kin, "You saw how scared that guy was when he saw me? The one from my old village?" Kin nodded, "He certainly had good reason . . ." "I think the point he's making is that he was both recognized and recognized as a threat, even after almost six years. If he were to walk out into the streets in Oto . . . Err, Rice, everyone would know who he is and what he's done." Zaku shrugged, "Yeah. I save the world and people still want to kill me . . ." Kin laughed, "Who'll save the world from your ego!" Zaku smirked, despite the way he acted, he wasn't really arrogant, not anymore anyway. Orochimaru's betrayal had broken him. The therapy helped, and the meds, but it still hurt, it hurt badly. Eiji knew, which meant the parents knew . . . Kin knew too, probably, and she was suffering as well. He grinned again and yanked her long hair. "OUCH! You little punk!" "What are you gonna' do, hit me with one of your bells?" He smirked, "Or maybe you could spank me!" He bent over and began hitting his own backside tauntingly. Akira shook his head, "Zaku . . ." "OUCH!" Kin kicked Zaku in his backside, and Akira slapped his own forehead, "Kids . . ."

Kidoumaru read over the list, though he and the rest of the five had been sent a message, through the Hokage, from the government of their former land. "You guys saw the provision, right? We still can't go back. I mean, Dosu, you could go back, but the six of us . . . I guess that's a good thing." Tayuya snorted, "Yeah, right." "Think about it, if we went back, even being pardoned, the people would still probably lynch us all . . . What the government says is one thing, but people don't always listen to the government, do they?" Ukon laughed, "If they tried to lynch you, Sakura would destroy the whole country!" Kidoumaru grinned, "Yeah, she's a tough one, my Babe." "Yeah, I have to admit, she kicks #!" Tayuya smirked, "You know, nobody would recognize Dosu, not without those #! Bandages, as long as he keeps that #! Fur hidden." Dosu cocked his head in that odd manner of his, "Probably, but I have no desire to go back. It never was much of a home, was it? This place is a lot better than Oto ever was." "Amen to that!"

Shikamaru lay back on his roof and smiled, _It's so peaceful, so quiet . . ._ "Hey, #! Lazy-#!" Shikamaru grinned despite himself, "Hey, Troublesome Foul-Mouthed Woman." Tayuya sat on Shikamaru's chest, "Did you hear the news?" Shikamaru squirmed uncomfortably under her, "You mean the pardons? Yeah. It's a good idea, should help bring some peace to the land." Tayuya slid her hands under his shirt, "You've never been to Otogakure, have you?" "You mean not everyone in Oto is as sweet as you are?" "Not even #! Close! Remember what I #! Told you?" She stretched out on top of him, and Shikamaru's eyes widened, "Tayuya . . ." "I said that a nice #! Like you wouldn't last five #! Minutes in Otogakure. They'd eat your #! Alive." She laughed, "Of course, I might just have to #! Do that too . . ." Shikamaru blushed as he felt the warmth from Tayuya's body, "T-Tayuya . . . You're not about to rape me, are you?" Tayuya chuckled, "Maybe." "I-I gotta' go!" Shikamaru tried to get up, but Tayuya pushed him back down, "Down boy!" Shikamaru pointed at the sky, "Hey, what's that?" Tayuya snorted, "Nice try, Lazy-#!" She turned her head slightly, "Oh, that's just that #! freak Deidara. Forget about him." Deidara flew past, heading toward Konoha, and Tayuya grinned wickedly, "It'll take more than that to save your #!"

"Kidoumaru!" Kidoumaru turned to see Neji approaching, "Oh, hey, Hyuuga. How 'ya doin'?" "You were born on December 14th?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "Yeah, sorry about that . . ." Neji glared at him, "I want the book back . . ." "WHAT?!" "Since it wasn't really your birthday when I gave you my present . . ." Neji laughed at Kidoumaru's expression, "I'm joking, you idiot." Kidoumaru grinned widely, "Have you ever considered playing poker, you're almost as good as Sai at hiding your emotions." Neji laughed, "Just don't expect me to buy you another present!" Kidoumaru shook his head, "I didn't want to tell anyone, but I had to explain why I have to wait to marry Sakura. I'm not going to ask anyone to give me anything this year. Now _next_ year at December 14th . . ." Neji shrugged, "No party?" Kidoumaru shook his head, "No party. I don't want to make everybody go to all the trouble because of my mistake. If we have anything, it will just be a little family thing. Or maybe I can have a romantic dinner with Sakura . . ." Neji shook his head, "You're whipped. Whipped like a dog." He smiled, "I'm heading to the training field, I was going to spar with Dosu." Kidoumaru grinned, "Look out, he's tough." "We'll find out soon enough." He bowed slightly, "I must be going." "Catch you later then." Kidoumaru walked on, whistling to himself . . .

_This kid's got skill . . ._ Kankurou dodged as Tenchi's fist swung inches from his face. The Puppet Master sent Karasu flying onto the angel puppet's back, where it wrapped it's arms around the other puppet's wings, sending it crashing to the ground. Maki retaliated instantly by sending Youkai to attack Kankurou, while Karasu was tangled with Tenchi, but Kankurou lept inside Sanshuo, evading the attack. "CRAP!" Maki tried to run but Kuroari pulled him inside. Kankurou smirked and jumped out of Sanshuo, then swaggered over to Kuroari, "Give up?" "Not quite, jan." Kankurou spun around to see Maki dusting sand from his uniform. "HOW!?" The Puppet Master groaned and opened Kuroari, and Maki stepped out, or, rather, Maki's new puppet stepped out. "Good job, Aku , jan." Kankurou shook his head, "You didn't tell me about that puppet, jan." Maki grinned, "Never reveal all your secrets, right?" "Great session, kid, you have a lot of potential, jan." Maki bowed excitedly, "Thank you, Kankurou-Sama!" Maki was incredibly excited by his opportunity to spar with his idol. "Don't worry about it, I enjoyed it. You're pretty good, jan." He slung an arm around Maki's shoulders, "The world needs more dedicated Ninja Puppeteers, jan."

Jirobou waved as Deidara landed his great clay bird, "Hey, Deidara-San!" Deidara turned slightly, "Oh, it's you, un." Jirobou nodded, "Sorry I left without telling you, but we couldn't risk getting caught." Deidara grunted, "I would've left too, un. Don't worry about it." "DEIDARA-SEMPAI!" Deidara shuddered, "Tobi . . ." He thought for a second, "I mean Obito . . ." He braced himself as Obito crushed him in a hug, "Get off of me, you freak, un! I swear I'll blow you up!" "Deidara-Sempai is so funny! Why did you come to Konoha? Did you come to visit Obito?" "I warned you, un!" Deidara growled and reached for his explosive clay . . .

To be continued . . .


	178. Chapter 179

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 179

Kidoumaru's jaw dropped as he saw Shikamaru sneaking in, "What happened to you?!" Shikamaru's clothes were torn, his hair was a mess and his face was covered with . . ._ Lipstick_? "Tayuya, she's very . . ." "_Horny_?" "Affectionate!" Kidoumaru laughed, "_Sure . . ._" Shikamaru wiped his face with his shirt, trying to get the lipstick off, "She's really a good person, deep down. She just had to act tough for so long . . ." "Yeah, she's been through a lot." He started cleaning his fingernails with a kunai, then grinned, "You won't need to buy her a ring, Shikamaru, she's got you wrapped around her finger!" "Ha ha." Shikamaru made his way to his room, and fell into bed, _Love is a troublesome thing . . ._

Maki turned and waved as his team exited Sunagakure, "Goodbye, Kankurou-Sama!" "Goodbye, kid, don't get lost in desert or anything, jan!" Temari elbowed her brother, "So, did Stalker Boy confess his undying love for you?" "Shut up, Pervert." "Make me, _Bitch_." Kankurou's eyes widened, "Don't call me that!" Temari looked at him innocently, "What was that, _Kitty?_" Gaara eyed them curiously, "I don't get it." Kankurou blushed and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "You'll find out when you're older, jan." He shaded his eyes and looked out over the newly lain railroad tracks, "I can't wait until the train lines are running, jan. It will bring a lot of trade, since foreign merchants won't have to travel across the desert to get their goods here." He turned to Gaara, "Who knows, might even bring tourists." "God, I hope not!" Temari groaned, "A bunch of gawking, nosy people coming here, thinking we exist to entertain them. If I wanted to be bothered by tourists, I'd live by the beach." Kankurou ignored her, "Not to mention, our friends and family can visit without having to go through a lot of grief." Temari imagined a train packed end to end with wild Inuzuka and broke out laughing, "In that case, they better install_ fire hydrants_ in the bathrooms!"

"What was I thinking?!" Mizuki fell back onto his couch as Zaku and Kin flirted and bickered,_ Even Kiba wasn't this wild!_ Mizuki had been a teacher for years before being forced out in disgrace after trying to kill one of his own pupils, Uzumaki Naruto, wrongly heaping his hatred of the Kyuubi on it's innocent vessel. But that was the past, he was a new man. He'd agreed to 'babysit' Zaku and Kin, Zaku being like a younger brother to him, and both of them being friends, but he was beginning to wonder about his decision. These weren't like his old students, these were Oto-Nin, trained to be ruthless killers. Still, they were only children, right? "How does Eiji do it?" Zaku laughed, "He nags like an old lady, he's always like . . ." Zaku tried to mimic Eiji's voice, "No kissing! No romantic stuff, and absolutely NO sex!" Mizuki smiled, "Good advice, you're not mature enough for the consequences of that." Zaku huffed and plopped down on the couch, "I'm plenty mature! Kidoumaru's fifteen and he's engaged!" Mizuki sighed, "True, but he and Sakura are going to wait until he's older, he knows he's not ready for a family." Zaku grinned, "You and Iruka don't have to worry about that, do you?" "How many times do I have to tell you, we're NOT gay!" Kin groaned, "Zaku, you sure have a fascination with the idea of them being gay. It's makes me wonder . . ." Zaku turned bright red, "W-what are you saying?" He jumped up, "Are you saying _I'm . . ._" Kin laughed, "You _did_ say you'd rather date Dosu than Tayuya . . ." Zaku groaned, "I'd rather date a _cactus_ than Tayuya, and the cactus would probably agree with me!" Zaku's watch beeped, signaling time to take his medication, he went into the kitchen to get some water as Mizuki grinned, "Not bad, Kin. I should of thought of that." He sighed and turned slightly toward the kitchen, "I don't think he's really such a brat, he just tries to make himself seem more confident, and goes overboard. Typical teenage boy behavior." Kin nodded, "I know. I don't mind, I tease him too." "So I've seen . . ." Zaku walked back into the room, "Are you talking about me behind my back?" "You're a paranoid kid, you know that? You're_ right_, but you're still paranoid." "Paranoia is just seein' the truth." Zaku jumped onto the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table.

Deidara closed his eyes and tried to block out Obito's incessant chatting. "And everything was orange! We dyed the whole town orange! Tsunade-Sama was so mad! You should have seen it! It was like art!" "How was it like art, un?!" "Deidara-Sempai always said art was a bang, only there for a minute, the next day, the snow started to melt and washed it all away!" Deidara couldn't help but smile, _So, he did learn something . . ._ "All of Obito's pranks vanish, fireworks, colored snow, paint that washes off . . ." "Fireworks, un?" "Yes, we set off a whole bunch of fireworks! You would have been so proud!" Deidara couldn't help but chuckle, "We?" "Team Terrible!" "Team Terrible? It fits, un." Deidara thought for a moment of raiding Kakashi's fridge, but decided to wait, "Who else is on the team?" "Naruto, Sasuke, Konohamaru, Sakon, Ukon, Nawaki, Suigetsu, Moegi and Ukon." "You said _Ukon_ twice, un." Obito scratched his head, "I meant _Udon_! He's weird, his nose is always running!" "Nawaki . . . Isn't he the Hokage's brother? The one who was dead?" The conversation was actually becoming interesting for the artist, "Yes! He was dead for forty years! But the Daimayo of the Land of Waves brought him back. But he was holding him hostage to try to get at Tsunade-Sama, but Itachi-San killed him and rescued Nawaki! Can you believe Itachi-San would do something like that?" Deidara shook his head, "No." "Itachi isn't like everyone thought, he really didn't want to do the things he did, but Madara . . ." Obito trailed off, Madara was still a sore subject for the Uchiha who had been forced to carry the monster's evil spirit for decades. Deidara didn't press him. He found it hard to believe though, that his greatest enemy for so long actually had some humanity in him.

Sakura did a double take, "What the . . ." Ahead of her, sitting together at the Ichi Raki ramen stand, with their backs turned, were four black-haired, pineapple-headed figures. Two were wearing Chuunin vests, Shikamaru and Iruka, no doubt, one was wearing a deer pelt cloak, Shikato, making the one in a t-shirt and jeans . . . "Kidoumaru!" Everyone turned, and Kidoumaru grinned, "Hey, Babe. We were just having a meeting of the Pineapple-Headed Geniuses League." "I could barely tell you apart! I almost went over and kissed Shikamaru, God help me!" Shikamaru grunted loudly and went back to his meal. "It's good to see you again, Iruka-Sensei," Sakura bowed politely to her former teacher, "I don't get to see you as much since I graduated." "Thanks, it's good to know my students still remember me." "What are you talking about, how could we forget? You're a great teacher." Sakura said, and Kidoumaru nodded, "If not for you, who knows where Naruto would be now? You were the only person in town who actually helped him. Without you, he'd still be an outcast." Iruka smiled, "I doubt that, Naruto's a great kid, people tend to like him once they get to know him." "And who would've got to know him if you hadn't brought him to the school? And it's not just Naruto, you accepted me, gave me a chance. Not many people would do that." Iruka blushed and ran a hand through his hair, "That's a teacher's job." Sakura hooked an arm around her boyfriend's middle right arm, "And after all Mizuki did to you, you still forgave him." "I couldn't just throw away a lifelong friend, especially when he's truly sorry for what he did." Kidoumaru turned to Sakura and kissed her softly, "Want somethin' to eat, Babe? I'm buyin'?" Sakura gave a predatory grin, "I think I'll just take_ you_ to go . . ." "Don't let her get you alone in the woods!" Shikamaru shouted. Shikato laughed, "You mean like Tayuya got you?" Everyone laughed as Shikamaru blushed, "DAD!" "Don't _dad_ me! Look at the hickeys on Shikamaru here!" Shikamaru muttered something that included the word 'troublesome' and turned back to the counter.

To be continued . . .


	179. Chapter 180

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 180

"He beat Sasuke? I believe it!" Kidoumaru grinned and leaned back on Sakura's couch. "He kicked his butt! Of course, I was upset, I was still in love with Sasuke at the time, or thought I was." Sakura sighed, "Boy was I wrong." Kidoumaru looked up at the ceiling, "Did Lee ever fight Neji?" "They sparred sometimes, Neji has natural talent and the Hyuuga Blood Limit, but Lee, well, you know Lee, he never gives up. Made things pretty interesting for poor Tenten, I bet." Kidoumaru laughed, "Rock Lee and Naruto are the two most determined people I've ever met in my life. Well, Tayuya's determined to have her way with Shikamaru, but that's different . . ." Now Sakura laughed, "And she was never interested in any boys in Oto?" "You've seen what Oto guys were like, remember how Zaku treated you? Sure, he's nice_ now_, but back then . . . Of course, I wasn't exactly my charming self back then either, in battle at least . . ." Sakura snuggled up against him, "What about when you weren't in battle? I bet you were the sweetest boy in Oto . . ." "Guys aren't sweet! We're . . . Tough and manly and . . ." "Sweet!" Kidoumaru rolled his eyes and groaned, "Whatever. Anyway, I was a real monster!" "Tayuya said you spent most of your time playing board games and tried to stay out of trouble." Kidoumaru laughed, "If you go looking for trouble in Otogakure, you better have a coffin waiting, assuming there's enough of you left to bury. I wasn't afraid to die, but I wasn't in a hurry to get myself thrown out of the game, either." Kidoumaru looked at her suspiciously, "You've been talking to Tayuya, huh? Getting tips on seduction? Trust me, you don't need 'em." Sakura laughed now, "I don't want to be that aggressive . . ." He leaned forward and kissed her, "Thank God for that! I . . ." The sound of furious knocking rang out in the house, "Someone very impatient is at the door . . ." Sakura sighed and opened to find an angry Tayuya standing there. She rudely barged past Sakura, "You six-armed #!" Kidoumaru held up his hands, "What did I do?!" "Because you and Fluffy decided to go to #! School, that Big-Boobed #! Expects all of us to go!" She growled, "You are _not_ going to #! push me around in that #! class of yours!" Kidoumaru rubbed his ears, "Believe me, I don't want you in my class any more than you do." "Tayuya, this isn't his fault! Besides, school isn't such a bad thing, the teachers are nice . . ." "I don't #! need any #! school!" Kidoumaru grinned, "Did you forget that _Shikamaru_ teaches at the Academy?" Tayuya paused for a moment, considering, "Hm . . . That's not _too _bad. But if you try to #! Lord it over me, I'll rip off your #! Balls and . . ." Kidoumaru shrugged, "I get it . . . Oh, Tayuya, I've been meaning to ask, what exactly are your intentions with my brother?" Tayuya smiled evilly, "Don't worry, I won't hurt him . . . _Much_"

Maki removed his hood and ran his fingers through his copper-colored hair. "Do you have to do that?! The reflection from your hair is blinding me!" Yoko shouted, and Maki slid the hood back on, "That's funny, my hair blinds you and your mouth deafens me, jan." "Shut up, Doll-Boy!" "Make me, Pig-Girl!" The sun was rising brightly over the desert, and the chilling cold was being replaced by infernal heat. "We camp here." Hidaki, the team leader said simply, and began setting up his tent. "But we're almost there!" "We move at night, when it's cool. If we try to cross the desert in the daytime, we'll probably die of heat stroke." "I couldn't live in a place like Suna, I mean, there are no trees, no forests . . . No water." Kenji said softly. "Kankurou-Sama said that they are planning on linking their train system to Amegakure, that would make travel a lot easier, jan." "But it don't mean a thing _right now_." Yoko muttered. "Alright, all of you get some rest, you'll need the energy. I plan on reaching the forest before daylight tomorrow."

As Akira and Tomoe walked into Mizuki's apartment, they found Zaku fast asleep on the couch, snoring, Kin sleeping in the easy chair, and Mizuki smiling. "I was afraid they had eaten you by now." Akira joked, "What did you do, drug them?" "Even kids get sleepy, I didn't have to resort to knock out gas, not this time, anyway . . ." "Well, we'll just take them off of your hands. Thanks again." Akira picked up Kin in one set of arms, and Zaku in another. "Where's Eiji?" "His shift hasn't ended yet at the hospital." Mizuki nodded, "Say hi to him for me." He stood up and ruffled Zaku's hair, the boy shifted a little, but remained asleep. "Watch it, he might take your fingers off!" Mizuki smiled, "Ah, he's a good kid. They both are." Tomoe smiled, "I know. We just want to make sure they have better lives this time around . . ."

The next morning:

Maki had to restrain himself from hugging the nearest tree and kissing the wet ground. "_Finally!_" Yoko said, "We're back in Ame!" "Yeah, now you can finally take a _bath_, Pig-Girl, jan! You stink!" "Like _you_ don't? That stupid black outfit makes you sweat like a pig!" "This from the _Queen Pig_." Yoko swung at him, but he dodged the blow and took shelter behind the bushes. Hidaki shook his head, "Stop bickering! You sound like you're already married!" Both shot up at that, "Married?! Like I'd marry that!" "That's disgusting, jan!" Kenji, true to his nature, remained silent in the fray, _People talk too much anyway. _He thought quietly.

"I think I've finally figured it out!" Kidoumaru snapped his fingers, "We've fallen into an alternate dimension where everyone likes us! That's why my life's been going so well lately!" Shikamaru yawned, "Sounds logical . . ." "You know, Tayuya's birthday is in February, right?" Shikamaru nodded, "I know. I've made plans." Kidoumaru smiled, "I'll get her something she could really use, like . . ." He grinned mischievously, "_Handcuffs_." Shikamaru's eyes shot open, "You wouldn't!" Kidoumaru laughed, "C'mon, you know you like troublesome, domineering women." Shikamaru sighed, "Your birthday is in two days . . ." Kidoumaru leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head, "Yep. I'm turning sixteen . . . Again." "Or twenty-one, depending on how you look at it." He snapped his fingers, "Hey, if Tayuya was born in February, doesn't that make her sixteen already? Come to think of it, you're the _youngest_ of the Five!" "The years we were dead don't count. Besides, we weren't brought back until April. Jirobou and the Creep Twins are still older than me, but I now have a year over Tayuya." "I doubt she'd agree." Shikamaru grinned, "If you want to buy handcuffs for someone, _Hana_ would probably appreciate them . . ." They both laughed, "Poor Kankurou . . . He's _almost_ as whipped as you, Shika!" Kidoumaru stood up and stretched, "Well, I'm going to see Shino. I'll be back after while, before dinner, probably." "See ya'." A few minutes after Kidoumaru left, Tayuya walked in. "Hey, Lazy-#!," She jumped onto the couch next to Shikamaru, "When are you going to _propose_ to me?!"

To be continued . . .


	180. Chapter 181

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 181

Shikamaru gasped, "You want me to propose to you?!" Tayuya grinned, "I thought you'd never ask! Of course I'll marry you!" "B-b-b-b-but . . ." Tayuya threw her arms around him, "I knew it! I'm so #! happy!" Shikamaru didn't know what to say . . . "S-s-so. You said you wanted music at the wedding . . .?"

Kankurou stopped in mid-stride and did a double-take, "It couldn't be . . ." But it was. Walking down the street, hand-in-hand, laughing, were Temari and Kotaro. "Oh, hi, _Kitty_." Temari grinned, "What's wrong, cat got your tongue?" Kotaro paled, "Kankurou-Sama, it's not . . ." Temari grinned, "Don't worry, my _uke _brother won't beat you up." Kankurou's left eye began to twitch in annoyance, and he blushed deep crimson beneath his face-paint as Kotaro fought to keep from laughing at his boss. Temari, however, had no such restraint, "Oh, look! He's even got that cute, helpless uke blush!" Kankurou snarled, "You know what she did to her_ last_ boyfriend, don't you?" Temari's eyes widened in shock, then she looked away. "I'm sorry, Temari . . ." Kankurou felt guilty about bringing the subject back up, but he'd lost his temper. "No, it's _true_, isn't it . . ." Temari sighed. "I know," Kotaro said softly, "And I can defend myself pretty well . . ." He smiled and put an arm around her. "Temari, I'm sorry, I just lost my temper, I'm just tired of being treated like something less than a man, ya' know, jan . . ." Temari nodded, "I'm good at making guys feel like that, aren't I?" "It's not your fault, our whole family is screwed up, jan." He smiled, "We'll just have to make sure our kids have a better childhood than we did, jan." Kotaru grinned, "Kids, huh? What do you think, little summoners or little fan-wielders?" "HEY! Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?!" Kankurou shook a fist at him, "That's my sister you're talking about, jan!" "Oh, don't listen to him, Kotaro!" Temari turned and kissed him passionately, "See, he's just a teddy bear . . . You're still alive, right?" "I'm not sure . . ." Kankurou shook his head and walked on, Hana was expecting him to be home, undressed and in bed by the time she got home from the vet's office. . . Poor whipped uke . . .

Maki fairly threw himself into bed, a nice, warm, soft bed. _Finally home._ He stretched out and settled into his pillow. They'd trekked two days through the desert and another through the jungles of Amegakure. Between the heat of Suna days, the freezing cold of it's nights, and Ame's perpetual rain, his wooden puppets were in serious danger of cracking or warping, despite the coating of protective coating. He'd have to check them over carefully in the morning. He also wanted to practice some of the new techniques he'd learned from Kankurou.

Zaku smirked and gave Kin the thumbs up, then crept over to the sleeping Eiji. He grinned and picked up his first right hand, and sprayed a thick clump of shaving cream into his palm. Zaku then reached up and began tickling him behind the ear. Eiji grumbled in his sleep and began to raise his hand, then shoved it in Zaku's face. Eiji smiled and sat up as Kin broke out laughing, "You look good like this, Zaku." Zaku wiped the cream from his face, "Don't you ever sleep?!" "No. Remember that if you try to prank me again." Zaku frowned, then smirked, and sprayed a good amount of shaving cream onto Eiji's face. "HA! I got you!" Kin began laughing loudly, risking waking everyone in the house, "Very funny, runt." Eiji wiped the mess from his face. "Hey, I just realized something," Eiji grinned, "Kin doesn't have any shaving cream on her face yet . . ." Kin ran . . .

The next morning,

Kidoumaru sped through the forest, flashing through the treetops. He had no set destination, he just wanted to get out and enjoy himself. The air was cold, clear and refreshing, and everything was covered in a thin lair of snow. "What are you doing?" Kidoumaru nearly fell from the tree he was in, "What the . . .?" Kimimaro sat crossed legged on a large, fallen tree, "I came out here to think. Konoha is a loud place, I need solitude sometimes." Kidoumaru leaned against a tree, "I wanted to get out and move, I don't see how Shikamaru can lay around all the time, why sit in the locker room while everyone else goes to the game?" "You have an astute way of looking at things, even if you do act like a buffoon." Kidoumaru gave a mocking pout, 'A buffoon?' _Me?_ That's not nice." He shook his head, "You really need to learn to let your hair down and enjoy yourself, there's more to life than brooding and killing and brooding about killing." "To your life, perhaps, but not mine. I've been raised to fight and kill since the day I was born, I've never been 'normal'." "You sound like Sai. You know Sai, don't you, vampire-pale, black hair, wears a half-shirt, doesn't understand emotions . . ." "I understand emotions, loyalty, rage, hatred . . ._ Disappointment_." "But you do have friends. There's Juugo, for one. He actually looks up to you, instead of just being terrified of you like most of the rest of us." Kimimaro smiled thinly, "If you're terrified of me, why are you still here?" "Because I'm a buffoon. I actually think I'd like to see you happy. Not ripping your enemies' spines out through their butts happy, but enjoying life. It sure as hell would make most of our lives better, not worrying about you going nuts and killing everyone." "You've always hated me, Kidoumaru. And I had no love for you, either, we gladly would have killed each other given the chance, so why do you care about me now?" Kidoumaru shrugged, "Beats me. I guess it's because we're all from the same place, and we're all outsiders here. A lot of good people here are willing to give us a chance and accept us, but there are still people who hate us. And we can forget about ever going back to Otogakure, pardon or not. We have to stick together to survive.." "You have a point, but people don't change that easily." "Nobody ever said it was easy."

To be continued . . .


	181. Chapter 182

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 182

"You did what?!" Kidoumaru shook his head as Shikamaru shrugged, "She asked me . . . I didn't know what to say . . ." Kidoumaru slapped his forehead, "You agreed to_ marry_ Tayuya?! Are you insane?!" He shuddered, "It's too awful to think about . . . Being _related_ to her! Oh, why does this have to happen to me?! And on today of all days!" It was December 14th, Kidoumaru's sixteenth birthday,_ again_, as he'd mistakenly held it previously, in July . . . Shikamaru grinned, "I'll just tell her you said that . . ." Kidoumaru fell to his knees and clenched his hands together pleadingly, "Please, no! She'd kill me!" "Alright, alright . . ." Shikamaru laughed, "You really are afraid of her, aren't you?" Kidoumaru got to his feet, "You've fought her, you know how dangerous she can be." He smirked, "Of course, from what I've heard, you really pissed her off. Did you really feel her up?" "It was to distract her . . ." Kidoumaru's eyes widened, "Man, have you got balls . . . Zaku grabbed her butt one time, and she broke his hand!" Shikamaru yawned, "Why can I see Zaku doing something like that?" "Because he's a pervert like you." Shikamaru grunted, "I take it you never hit on her?" Kidoumaru shuddered again, "Hell no! I like my balls right where they are, thank you . . ."

"Do you still want revenge against Kankurou-San?" Shizune asked, looking into Sakon's eyes. Sakon shrugged, "Somebody, I think it was Jirobou, said it wasn't personal, he'd just been protecting Dog-Boy, and we told him that if he wasn't ready to die, the brat shouldn't have gone out into battle, Kiba, I mean. That it was none of Puppet-Boy's business, but we were always taught that our allies', even our teammates and friends' lives nothing, if we had to sacrifice someone to win, so be it. I guess we were all just trying to survive ourselves, the enemies' lives didn't matter, if you do feel sorry for your enemy in battle, you're dead . . . Honestly, I don't know what we'd do, given the chance. A few months back, I'd have killed them both, but now . . . I'm not angry with the Mutt, he barely touched us, but Kabuki-Boy . . . How do you forgive someone who killed you, who killed you and your brother?" Ukon rolled his eyes, "You're getting soft. That's war. People die, if anyone cared about them, they cry a bit and get on with it . . . If you take the time to figure out who your enemy is, what kind of life he had, whether or not he 'deserves' to die . . . That's . . . that's just crazy! There's no room for compassion in battle! Don't tell me Konoha-Nin are taught to be merciful to their enemies, even outside of battle, you have torturers too, ya know!" Shizune shrugged, "I wasn't saying that we don't do things I hate, even things I'm ashamed of. Tsunade-Sama is trying to change things as best she can, restricting use of torture to when information is vital . . . I wish the world were a better place, without wars and torturers and the like, but it's not. War is terrible, and people can be worse than animals." Sakon sighed, "People can be a lot worse than animals," He reached out and scratched Tonton's chin, "I've never heard of an animal doing anything like Orochimaru did . . ." He set his chin in this hand and leaned against the table, Ukon ignored him and began flirting with the nearest waitress.

Deidara watched in amazement as the elegant creatures Sai had drawn literally lept from the scroll. The pair of stylized ink lions prowled around the artists for a moment before vanishing. "How can you create such art without passion, un? You must feel something . . ." "Several people have been telling me that I feel some emotion, though I have been unable to confirm it." Sai shrugged. "Art_ is_ emotion, passion . . ." Deidara proclaimed, You have natural talent, but you also have artistic vision, un. You have emotion in there somewhere, struggling to break out."

"Hey, Babe." Kidoumaru took Sakura into his arms, "Are you my birthday present?" Sakura blushed, "You know it. Happy birthday." They kissed. "Mmmmm . . . Best birthday ever." "It's not every year you turn sixteen _twice_." Now Kidoumaru blushed, "I guess that makes me thirty-two . . ." "And you call me a cradle robber!" Sakura grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him close, kissing him. "I'm gonna' be #! Sick!" Tayuya made a gagging sound, "You know Tayuya, it's customary to knock before entering other people's homes." Tayuya grunted, "Yeah, I don't want to walk in on you two makin' little spiders!" "TAYUYA!" Tayuya cackled and started up the stairs, "Since I'm engaged to Lazy-#!, I'm family here." Kidoumaru shuddered, "Wonderful . . ." "Bite me." "I would, but there's no telling what diseases you're carrying." Tayuya stopped halfway up the stairs and glared at Kidoumaru, "You really don't want to #! see seventeen, do you?" Kidoumaru cringed, "I . . ." Sakura glared back at Tayuya, "You don't want to see sixteen, apparently." Tayuya laughed, she knew how deceptively strong Sakura was, "Good point. Happy birthday, you #!"

To be continued . . .


	182. Chapter 183

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 183

Sakon whistled and laced his fingers behind his head, the date with Shizune had gone well. Ukon was fast asleep, and Sakon felt a bit upset that his twin had yet to find a girlfriend. He knew that the 'High Class' clans like the Hyuuga would not welcome a 'Low Class' freak showing interest in one of their purebred daughters. Ukon was convinced they practiced incest, and Sakon tended to agree. _I wish I could have seen old Hiashi's face when he found out about Hinata and Naruto!_ Sakon laughed, then lept aside as several kunai hit the ground in front of him, "UKON!" Ukon's head snapped up as a ninja landed in the street in front of them. "Not a very good shot, is he brother?" The ninja pulled out a handful of senbon, "I missed on purpose. I wanted you to know that you're about to die." The Twins snarled, "No, you're going to die." Sakon stuck out tongue as the senbon were flung in his direction, but he flashed aside seconds before contact. The ninja looked around in a near panic. "You're a pathetic excuse for a ninja, ya' know that? So, why do you want to kill us? Are you an Inuzuka?" Sakon swept the man's legs out from under him, but the ninja rolled away before he could strike, then lept to his feet. "No, he doesn't have a mutt with him, brother." "You animals should have been killed the minute you set foot in Konoha!" Ukon laughed, "I guess he doesn't like us, little brother." "You killed _my_ brother, you freak! Do you even _remember_ killing those ANBU outside of the Akatsuki lab?!" "So that's it." Ukon said softly, "Well, I guess we won't be able to talk our way out of this." Neither Twin felt like gloating anymore, they were brothers as well. Still, they weren't ready to die again. "Okay, then let's make this _quick_. We're unarmed, brother, we'll have to use our bare hands." "We've done it before." The Twins rushed forward, apparently their opponent was unaware of Sakon's legendary speed, and before he knew it a hand was wrapped around his throat. "Just break his neck, bro!" Sakon tightened his grip on the struggling man, his eyes narrowing, then flung him away. "Are you crazy?! He tried to kill us!" The ninja lay stunned in the street, then he struggled into a sitting position, "Do you think I'll forgive you? You should have killed me." Sai stepped from his house and out into the street, "What's going on out here?" "This guy tried to kill us!"

"So, it was just me and Tayuya, surrounded by an army of elite Iwa-Nin, and they weren't playing around!" Kidoumaru, Sakura, Yoshino, Shikato and Shikamaru were sitting around the dinner table, enjoying some time together, "I thought it was Game Over. Then Tayuya just laughed and started cussing them out, so I started laughin' too, I mean, I wasn't gonna' let her make me look scared. We figured if we were gonna' die, we weren't going alone, so we just jumped in started swinging. I was in full game mode, takin' 'em down left and right, and from the screaming I knew Tayuya was holding her own. After a few minutes, the smart ones were already running back to Iwa with their tails between their legs. When Jirobou and the Twins finally caught up to us, there was nobody left for them to fight!" Shikato leaned back in his chair, "Impressive, I didn't know Tayuya was much for hand-to-hand combat." "If she's angry enough, she could kill a man just by lookin' at him! I'm serious, she scared this poor dope to death on one mission, he just fell over, it wasn't pretty. The pervert, he should have never tried to get her to. . ." There was a knock at the door, and Yoshino rose to answer. "It's a bit late for visitors, isn't it?" Yoshino came back with Jirobou, "Kidoumaru, someone tried to kill the Twins!"

Zaku leaned lazily against the wall, watching Eiji comb his hair, "Where are you goin'?" Eiji turned slightly, "Mizuki and I are going to go out and have some fun." "FUN?! You?!" Zaku laughed, "Going out _knitting_?" Eiji smiled, "Actually, we're going out to pick up some girls . . ." Zaku's eyes widened, "When did you get a life? What are you gonna' do, lecture them on the dangers of sex?" Eiji smiled and patted Zaku on the head, "Awww, such a cute little boy!" Zaku blushed crimson, "I'm not a cute little boy! I'm fifteen and I'm a deadly ninja!" "Whatever. I'm going out, I'll see you later." "Can I come?" "Sorry kid, if I took you girl-chasing Kin would kill you, then she'd kill me . . ." He paused and squinted, "Hey, has anyone ever told you that you have beady little eyes?" "Just go already!" Zaku shouted, "And if you need any tips on how to deal with girls, just come to me!"

"So, what are you gonna' do to him?" Ukon asked roughly, and Tsunade just shook her head, "I'm putting him in the hospital, he needs mental help." The attacker, one Mako Musashi , had been taken into custody. Tsunade laced her hands in front of her and leaned forward on her desk, "I understand you could have killed him, but you didn't . . ." The Twins were silent for moment, then Sakon answered, "We don't kill weaklings anymore, there's no fun in it." Tsunade sighed, "Is that the only reason?" "You'd think she'd be happy she's not short a fool, little brother. It's not 'cause we're getting soft, if that's what you think! We know that if we kill some of these #! Morons, you'll have us killed!" Tsunade frowned, "Get the hell out! I don't know why I thought you #! might actually have hearts!" As the Twins left, mumbling, Tsunade allowed herself to smile, _Do they actually think they can fool me with that 'evil' act? Why can't they just admit they're human? Kidoumaru said they all had to be ruthless to survive in Otogakure, that showing any kindness was considered a weakness._ She rubbed her forehead, _I can't imagine what it was like, under him . . ._

To be continued . . .


	183. Chapter 184

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 184

"I'm surprised," Kidoumaru flicked a crumb off of the table, "This hasn't happened before now. There have to be a lot of people with grudges against us." Sakon picked up a french fry and looked at it in boredom, "We weren't ever in any danger, the guy had no skill, any Genin could have taken him." The Oto-Nins were all sitting around a pair of tables at the Super Burger for their weekly lunch together, "Genin took all of us." Jirobou reminded, "Hmph! I don't think Puppet-Boy or #! Blondie were Genin!" Tayuya snarled, "What he's saying is that anyone can be dangerous, if they get lucky enough." Kimimaro said, "Who would have ever imagined that a boy with no Chakra abilities at all could survive a fight with me?" "Man, I wish I'd lived long enough to see that fight!" Kidoumaru grinned, "That's a once in a lifetime fight!" "You're on your second life now, dumb-#!" Ukon laughed, "We all are." Dosu sighed, "I missed all of it. I died first, remember?" "Don't feel too bad about that, I fought Gaara-Sama too, he's . . . He's a force of nature . . ." Everyone turned and looked at Kimimaro, "Since when are you nice?" Ukon shook his head, "I never thought I'd see it, we've all gone soft!" "Speak for yourself, #!-Face!" Tayuya threw a cup of soda at him. "You're just as bad! You're fawning all over Shikamaru like some kind of . . ._ Love-struck girl_!" "What the #! Did you just call me?!" Jirobou growled, "Shut up Tayuya, before you get banned from here, too!" "I take it back, We haven't _all_ gone soft." Ukon said, "I think Jirobou's actually grown a pair . . ."

Eiji smiled and mussed Zaku's hair, "Sorry you couldn't come along, maybe we can do something together today." Zaku yawned, "I understand." "I was looking at some maps, and I found something that might interest you." He pulled a map from his pocket, "About seventeen miles from this village is an abandoned quarry, they got whatever they were digging for, I guess, but it's still full of rocks. Might find something interesting." Zaku's eyes lit up, "You want to take me rock hunting?" Eiji nodded, "I figured if rocks interest you, hey, it's better than killing people, right?" He laughed, "Do you want to invite Kin?" Zaku shook his head, "Naw, I need some time away." Eiji laughed, "I bet she would appreciate your being away too!"

As they walked to the village gates, Eiji turned to Zaku, "I was wondering, you . . . Hate bugs, and I don't blame you, but you have a dragonfly as a summon . . ." Zaku nodded, "Dragonflies are nothing like the bugs_ he _uses, a bunch of tiny roaches . . ." He shuddered, "Anyway, I don't mind stuff like dragonflies, butterflies, moths, grasshoppers, just ones that look like Kikai, like roaches and beetles." Eiji paused thoughtfully, then grinned, "Have you ever thought of a career as an exterminator? Shino would hate that!" Zaku laughed, "I could be a geologist _and_ an exterminator, I could kill bugs with rocks!"

Miles away, in Konohagakure, Aburame Shino felt a sudden chill . . .

To be continued . . .


	184. Chapter 185

Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 185

Kidoumaru lay back in his chair, reading. It was quiet in the house, Shikamaru and Shikato were asleep and Yoshino had gone out with friends. The only time he could stay still was when reading or sleeping, ADHD, the doctor called it. If he wasn't distracted by games, books or fighting, Kidoumaru would become jumpy and fidgety. He stood up and stretched, then set his book on the table and walked off, heading toward Sakura's house.

Zaku walked into the house carrying a large web bag filled with rocks of various sizes and shapes, Eiji close behind him, "I see your hunting was successful." Akira smiled. "Yeah! We had a great time!" Zaku grinned and started down the hallway to his room, "You boys better get washed up and change, you're covered in dust!" Tomoe said, "And put those clothes in the hamper!" They were both covered in a fine layer of dust and sand. "I'll get a shower first, while you're putting your stones away," Eiji said, and moved off to his room for some clean clothes. "Find anything interesting?" Kin smiled and walked over to Zaku, "Yeah, I even found a little copper! Wanna' see?"

"Shika's asleep," Kidoumaru called out as Tayuya walked by, "He's always asleep! Don't worry, I'll wake him!" Kidoumaru shook his head and walked on. As he walked up to Sakura's door it swung open, "Hey Babe. You look nice . . ." Sakura threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, "You look pretty hot today yourself, Pretty Boy." "Mmmmmm . . . Well, let's go look at each other better." Kidoumaru grinned and picked her up, then carried her into the house.

Zaku, Kin and Eiji began carefully placing the various rocks on Zaku's bookshelf, where his Lava Lamp and the crystal Kankurou had given him already resided. "We may have to get a new bookshelf, Wind Bag." "Yeah, I think you're right, Granny." Eiji laughed, "Never insult a man holding a large rock, kid." "Ha, you're not much older than I am." Eiji nodded, then turned slightly, "Kin, you'll never guess what I found." Kin Leaned back against the wall, "What did you find?" "There's a temple in Suna with some of the most impressive bells in the world. We'll have to take you to check 'em out." Kin smiled, "I think I'd like that." Zaku groaned, "But Suna is so HOT!" "They also have some world-famous caverns, open to the public . . ." Zaku grinned, "Let's go then!"

Tayuya walked into the room and smiled. Shikamaru was sprawled out, fast asleep, clad only in his boxers. She sat on the bed next to him. _He's so #! cute like this . . _. She considered smacking his backside to wake him, but decided to watch him sleep instead. After a few minutes Tayuya grew tired, curled up next to Shikamaru, and was soon asleep herself.

Kidoumaru and Sakura sat on the roof of her house, looking up at the stars. "It's amazing, that things can be so peaceful in this world." Kidoumaru said softly, "I'd forgotten what it was like . . ." "It is amazing, and I hope it stays this way." "There will always be fighting, as long as there are greedy, selfish and hateful people out there. But, as long as there are good people to fight them, things will turn out alright." A bright orange flash lit up the sky, and fireworks began exploding overhead. The bright colors began to play off of the new-fallen snow. "Mmmmm, Romantic, eh Babe?"

Sakura answered with a kiss.

The End . . .


End file.
